Quick Tip: How to Show Instead of Tell

[@AntoineBandele]

Best show versus tell video on KZbin.

[@thirdplanet4471]

One thing l hate a about telling is when a writer says that a character has a certain trait like high intelligence or is always very calm but the writer never really shows that trait at all. Unless the character is not important or the writer wants to mislead us then okay but if the character is suppose to be really important and these traits are always told to us then that's a fail to me.

[@sweetestdarkness]

"I try to keep these videos short". My initial reaction: "No! That's the opposite of what I want" 😂 Please make longer videos if you can/want, I love your content!

[@ChrisFoxWrites]

Next week's video will be longer. I think I'm going to cover the writing of Spellship, because I've yet again modified my process. It's definitely the fastest I have ever finished a draft. =D

[@d20gm100]

I will be looking forward to seeing that one, Chris.

[@CommanderChris66]

Need your opinion with this In your first example your correction was: Jake slammed his fist into the desk, and his eyes went wild. I have a bit of a problem with it because we don't know what his eyes went wild with: glee, amazement, etc. Why not add: with fury: at the end. On a side note I guess you could imply it with events going on. For example if someone called him a derogatory term we could guess his eyes went wild with anger.

[@autisonm]

Uhhh, 3 months late but you could make it "Jake slammed his fist into the desk, and his eyes were as wild as the snarl on his face." But yeah you are kinda right in that it usually takes 2 or 3 bits of detail to accurately convey emotion.

[@ImusakHctividar]

I like how you can explain a useful tip in 5 minutes what takes most youtubers 10-15 minutes. Good work! I'd also like to add, since the show/tell bit is a good thing to work on when cleaning up the manuscript in later drafts it's also good to look out for those descriptors that end in "ly". The reason I say this is often where those words are, they can either be removed (Thus making for a smoother read), adjusted (Hurried instead of hurriedly), or changed outright.

[@DrewAveraMusic]

I struggle with this a lot.

[@richardkeenan3079]

So great! I am really going to work on this for my showing my world rather than the "info dump" approach and telling. Thanks Chris as always!

[@MareQueen]

so far this is way more helpful than other videos I saw, with clear written examples I could see differences and try to follow them up.

[@d20gm100]

Chris, thanks for doing this video. I love the examples you gave. I think this is one of the most difficult things to get right and people really struggle with understanding it.

[@TimKnox2020]

Great advice, as always.

[@kathyf3656]

This is the best example of the different between the two terms that I've come across. I really can see the difference now. Thank you. -----That said, I rather have the telling. It's shorter, more accurate, and tells me what I need to know so I can get on with the story. I prefer a five word sentence telling me he's angry to having to read a long paragraph of badly written, flowering prose random listing actions that the reader may, or may not, recognize as a person being angry. I want to read for the story, not to work a deciphering the author's meaning two or three times a page. Too much work. ----Done well, showing is okay; done poorly, and too often, it wastes my time and makes me put the book down and walk away. ----Along with this is writers who talk constantly about clothing, fancy cars, etc. You know, the kind that name drop designers of clothing, shoes, and bags, like anyone really cares what some fictional, empty-headed bimbo with daddy's credit card spends someone else's money on. Saying she wore a cherry red blouse with a white suit and matching bag is enough.

[@koskk_]

What about in the case of events that impact the environment/world/people in the story? Like maybe a bunch of random people have been found dead and the only commonality is a web of yellow views around the eyes. How would one show the world/communuty going from ignorance to unease to paranoia to panic and so forth? And be able to show some of these changes before the protagonist(s) knowin what's going on.

[@ChrisFoxWrites]

I'd show it incrementally. Start with a body being found. Show the details that are important, like the veins around the eyes. This can lead to a reaction scene where characters are discussing the horror they just witnessed (a dead body). Start slowly. Have a news broadcast in the background, casually mentioned. Or have a friend mention it in passing. Then, have the character encounter something related to these murders. Then have them talk to someone else connected to another murder. Present it slowly, and then draw it all together. Does that make sense? I'm kind of rambling.

[@commandertash]

Hey Chris, thank you for your short, helpful videos. They help a lot :) I often have the feeling that something is wrong with my writing and your tips help me to realize why. I am looking forward to more videos. Keep it up. You are awesome!

[@goncalosantos9942]

Short and sweet! Thanks for all the help.

[@kaninma7237]

"That would be telling." --- These words from the opening of The Prisoner come to mind when I hear about telling.

[@KatAdVictoriam]

This is a great, concise video. Word of caution to any newbies; I got so caught up on not telling that I now have a 500k plus word novel. I'm going to have to chop down relentlessly and editing is tough going. Don't fixate on showing so much you bloat your work.

[@tubbalcain]

This is great advice!

[@austindavid7155]

I think you did an emotional tell even in your new book Dying World. At the end of chapter 16 Jerek says, “She slumped forward, and elation surged through me. It evaporated when the mercs turned... etc.” You have TOLD that the elation surged through Jerek.

[@ChrisFoxWrites]

Great comment. Sometimes pacing is more important than description. You always have to balance. Authors like Patrick Rothfuss are excellent at almost never telling (but he still messes up too), but that slows down the narrative. Most of my audience checks out if I include too much description. How might you re-write it to show? How many words is that, versus the tell version? The real trick is succinctly showing, instead of telling. I'm not that good yet though.

[@osmanender]

Thanks man. You are awesome!

[@Jirelle01]

Hi Chris! Love the video! I have a question, what do you do with filter words (words such as saw, noticed, thought etc)? I believe that the general consensus is that such words weaken your story and that they best can be avoided. I noticed that you used watched in the first example and I was wondering what your stance on it is and what you recommend.

[@ChrisFoxWrites]

I think used in moderation they're fine. They do weaken the imagery you are building, but lengthly description can bog down stories to the point where a reader won't continue. It's all about balancing pace with form, and that's definitely something I'm still struggling to master.

[@Jirelle01]

Thank you for your advise and being so honest about your own struggles! It is a relief to know that even you, a very accomplished author in my book, are not perfect :) Makes me feel less pressure on my own writing.

[@ChrisFoxWrites]

Honestly, readers are very forgiving of mistakes. They do expect us to grow from novel to novel, but we're far harder on ourselves than they ever will be =D

[@thesunshinehome]

Yes, please do follow up video - thanks

[@G-Blockster]

Good explanation complete with examples. Nicely done. Thank you.

[@IDemandAPanda]

Awesome video! Thank you, Chris! I would also love a video which illustrates effective telling. While I agree that it's almost always better to show than to tell, there are times when the author has to tell the reader information. Anyway, keep up the great work!

[@andresluna2745]

Very helpful. Thanks so much. Btw, I’m excited to read your novel. It sounds super interesting

[@angx1ina]

I keep crying because I can't get this right

[@KutWrite]

I wish you'd hold on the graphic of your books a bit longer. It's hard to get to so I can pause it and see the titles.

[@pae913]

How would you do this is you’re setting up a scene? Like trying to create a strong image? I’m trying to get back into writing so this is the part I’m trying to focus on...

[@ChrisFoxWrites]

Always put yourself in the character's head. List the 3 most important events of your life to date. Pick the one you like the best. Write it out as a fictional scene, and focus on the most important things you noticed at the time. Where there strong smells? Sounds? How were you feeling, and why? Capture that on the page =)

[@pae913]

Chris Fox will give that a try, thanks so much!

[@Knarsens]

Is this something you do by instinct, in the first draft, or something that you add more of in later drafts?

[@satana8157]

Can you make a video on how to give world building information subtly? I know it theoretically, but nobody ever gives examples. I know you shouldn't do too much in the beginning. I try doing it in the dialogue, but I feel people would be bored about it. But sometimes I can't show it in the action, I kinda have to explain the reasons through dialogue.

[@ChrisFoxWrites]

Can you give me an example? Let's workshop it here in the comments. Tell me something about your world that you want to convey and I'll show you how I'd do it.

[@squirrelattackspidy]

Awesome tip Chris! Thanks man! How do I get access to the Scrivener documents if I'm already on your mailing list? I'm pretty sure that I already am because when I try to sign up the button is greyed out.

[@ChrisFoxWrites]

You can find them at chrisfoxwrites.com/resources =)

[@crystalwolfer4117]

i'm not sure if i'm doing it right

[@mr.fanstastic9010]

This is video was a masterpiece.

[@autisonm]

This is a nice video and all but it seems you left out how to do this in 1st person. All the examples (afaik) are in 3rd person.

[@ChrisFoxWrites]

This method will work just fine in both first person present, and first person past tense. Here's the first example re-written in 1st person past tense. Telling: I was mad Showing: I slammed my first into the desk, ignoring the spike of pain. Damn it, he was going to listen this time.

[@autisonm]

Thanks! I have a scene in one of my fanfics where the main character gets mad and clenches their fist hard enough to make their claws break their palm's skin. I'm gonna make them realize and say that they caught themself redhanded with anger.

[@remingtonsloan8331]

First!

[@a.e.hazelwood9406]

I would characterize this video's efforts as grazing vs. tackling its topic. Meh!

[@ChrisFoxWrites]

I see. Can you point to a resource, or in a comment explain to me how you'd tackle it then? What's lacking?

[@a.e.hazelwood9406]

@@ChrisFoxWrites Sharing two examples over 1 minute and 43 seconds is too short of an illustration to call it a "tackle." I would provide a longer video, with more examples from different writers, to ensure I expanded the mind of the viewer. Your video, although appreciated, was more of an "intro." Thanks!