r/Tumblr | A Real Conspiracy

[@President_Starscream]

Kitties just don't like closed doors. Makes them feel confined. Gotta be able to monitor that territory after all. So cats don't necessarily want in or out, they just want the door open.

[@era2s]

finally, an explanation, thank you

[@Silver_wind_1987_]

Yes starscream you are cat :D

[@yamigekusu]

Or my cat's aunt when she was a tiny kitten- she would just army crawl under the door and just go into other rooms because she didn't give a shit lmao

[@skoopdewoop]

@@yamigekusu Chad cat

[@planetearth8044]

@@yamigekusu Your cat's an octopus?

[@hungrymusicwolf]

3:45 Comment: "No you can't make this food in minutes. It takes years to become good enough to do it in minutes." Lumo rant: "Stop with this fatalist attitude, PUT IN THE TIME SO YOU CAN GET GOOD AT IT!" That... that's the point. You can't make it in minutes, it takes time to get good enough. That was the whole point of the comment Lumo! Please, you're killing me.

[@ryanwoon3534]

Thank you. I was bothered by his rant

[@selenalulamoon1167]

Lumo has a really bad optimistic problem. He's always just be positive. Like no. That's not how the human brain works. Don't get me wrong usually he's great but then he'll go off on people who are reasonably upset at the state of the world.

[@saltenzy449]

Sharks are actually so rough they are smooth. If you look at shark skin they are covered in fairly tiny scales which are if I recall correctly, actually modified teeth. This is why if you ever touch a shark, you run your hand head to tail only, otherwise you are running your hand into the sharp edge of their skin teeth. They are shaped kinda like ruffles chips, but with a sharp edge at the unattached side, with the grooves running laterally. The grooves actually trap water between them, essentially creating regions of water right next to the shark that move with the shark, and thus dont contribute to drag. So by covering themselves in teeth the shape of ruffles chips, sharks greatly reduced their drag coefficient and this lets them swim as quick as they do. This design has actually been co-opted by humans, there are shark skin swim suits that actually allow for increased swim speed. Golf balls are probably the most notable example of the physics loopholes being used here, but I dont think that was shark skin inspired.

[@Icortherainwing]

You should add a Safety Warning, that In fact, Sharks are NOT MADE OF RUFFLE CHIPS!

[@love_and_chaos_uwu4267]

I think the golf ball is the way it is cause when the balls were well used they'd soar better

[@tychohaggman6683]

shark haves skin toof

[@KeyFChicken]

I love handing tiny versions of my essays to my teachers

[@aiyokai7332]

Fun fact: the op of the international shipping post is Canadian, and uh, guess what's right below Canada

[@setojurai]

Hell

[@RisingRevengeance]

Australia? I failed geography

[@tallynnyntyg6008]

@@setojurai You're not wrong.

[@uazombie802]

@@RisingRevengeance I thought the same but it’s Ireland

[@centaurstampede3226]

@@setojurai as an American mostly true

[@2993LP]

I wanted at some point to play a warlock of the 'Lesser Old Ones' in DnD. The Great Old Ones are eldritch horrors, the lesser old ones are dinosaurs. Eldritch blast, but it's a tar-beam with compsagnothus bones in it.

[@Karak-_-]

But what's eldrich on dinosours?

[@2993LP]

@@Karak-_- Their age; they existed millions of years ago.

[@NecrochildK]

Funny thing with MSG, the most commonly reported symptoms of a “reaction” to it are the exact same as over consumption of sodium. MSG Is in fact a salt. So, chances are, people who have these reactions likely already have too much salt in their diet and as dishes that have MSG in them tend to be heavy handed with it, when they have such dishes, it puts them over that threshold of too much salt.

[@ahmadfaris8044]

It's concentrated salts, what happen if you drinks concentrated water?

[@lankymaccrazyhair264]

@@ahmadfaris8044 you'll probably get your daily dose of salt allarmingly quickly. Who's drinking consented salt though?

[@ahmadfaris8044]

@@lankymaccrazyhair264 people tends to go overboard when using msg.

[@lankymaccrazyhair264]

@@ahmadfaris8044 well blame that on the people, not the msg. Ain't the yummy mega salt's fault that Americans have little to no sense of self control or moderation

[@NecrochildK]

@@ahmadfaris8044 I mean I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as concentrated water, but you can drink too much water and it can kill you. It causes your body to lose salts and the cells take in too much water, causing them to swell which also causes the cells in the brain to press against the skull, increasing pressure on the brain. There's a lot more symptoms and it's not a pleasant way to go out. When the Wii first came out there was a woman who entered a contest for a radio station to win one for her kids, their challenge was a water drinking contest. Had to drink a certain amount without going to pee it out. She won, but was found dead in her home from water intoxication not long after.

[@tineresnt5505]

3:54 The point is mistakes cause it to devolve into a meal that takes longer than what is shown. Yes with practice it can be done at the shown speed but the kinds of people looking for those kinds of videos aren't going for something that takes practice.

[@ProulxS]

0:55 I'm in Canada and I never write Canada on letters?? Canada post take the letter and see the postal code and it knows it's in Canada from Canada... why would you need to write the country for internal post. This is not Europe where you may be in another country by accident because you took a left instead of a right at the stop. Just checked Canada post website and they say to add country for US and international items only Fun fact; there is a google out there that let you search stuff and apparently the USPS also say not to write the country :)

[@Joseph_Drew_III]

OP thought it was Americans, and your fellow Canadians were too polite to correct them.

[@pokemonlore4959]

The post was talking about European sellers getting address changes by email tho

[@ProulxS]

I understand that, but as I said on letters and package we get told/used to not write it down because of aforementioned way it work. And I must assume that they had their address in the system before if they are changing it so unless they said they changed to Country X I would assume they stayed at same country that they originally were. "Hey the address in the system is wrong it's not 100 Street B, Manchester M1 0XX, it's actually 175 Avenue Q, Manchester M1 0XX" Still wouldn't add country If any doubt exist just google the adresse given with the zip or postal code. Google'll know if you don't Edit: Actually even if you are sure I would always google the address to confirm it's recognized. If Google says no or suggest something similar I ask confirmation because it might be slightly incorrect.

[@ehansultan]

"skrunky bungos" will now be my go-to describing phrase for pretty much everything

[@Sparrow_Bloodhunter]

both the ostritch and the chicken are T-rex's closest living relatives. that is why I will never forgive the scientist that managed to reverse engineer a chicken's dinosaur face but didn't let the egg hatch, we could have had dino chickens, we could have had a mini pet T-rex but it was stolen from us by laws and morality.

[@Spotsnstripes]

As a purple one-eyed scientist once said "Those BITCHES!!"

[@InkSans_FandomSoda]

9:51 Just be a hybrid, no need to be elegant and no need to be strong. I am fluffy and gothic and I demand blood.

[@Icortherainwing]

And Immortal, Plus a wonderful sense of Fashion.

[@NecrochildK]

Baby bat.

[@InkSans_FandomSoda]

@@NecrochildK I- Yes.

[@Joseph_Drew_III]

4:00 The titles of the videos do not say that training is required

[@zacharywindover9840]

“Please don’t eat gura I need entertainment some week nights.” Lmao

[@JasonHalversonjaydog]

3:50 no that isn't BS, it's true. you have to have the equipment to cook, i don't. i live in a tiny apartment with one 8 foot wall for a kitchen, thats it. i don't cook, i don't have the room or ability

[@teirdalin]

8:14 Can we take a moment to appreciate the fact that it's 1,234 notes?

[@danboisoepic4544]

8:33 THIS. THIS IS LITERALLY HALF OF PROJECT WINTER. IT SLREADY EXISTS.

[@hatandhoodie_]

7:21 "Making the mother of all omelettes here, Jack. Can't fret over MSG."

[@squa_81]

i swear kalbus has helped me more than my psychologists ever did in 4 years. good whole some content is so refreshing and just nice, to let go of your certainties that you know that you suck at talking to people and just beeing in a group......... (nat very good when you're working your first job as waiter who almost got fired because his dumbass doesn't know how to speak leading himself to not having the trust of his colleagues........) but then there are kalbus tumblr videos. and i can sleep now

[@WoeUponThee]

4:39 I’m not surprised Jhon Kalbus watches Goob Gumber but that out of nowhere kinda surprised me ngl.

[@bcd32dok36]

a

[@robinmitchells]

Is it sad that just with the phrases “brain surgeon” and “danganrompa roleplay account” I know the exact character that person was roleplaying 😅

[@KaizuoSilva]

He knows about Gura and konosuba... I also enjoy these

[@alternativeplane]

My entire family, every time they send mail to me. Sending snail mail for the first time after I moved out of the US was an experience because as a child I was never taught about adding the country to the address. I seems like such an obvious thing, but when you've never had to do it before you don't really think about it

[@pyrobeast_jack]

watching Tumblr posts. that were uploaded to Reddit. on KZbin. life is good.

[@Arawhon13]

Sharks have actually experienced at least one extinction event. About 19 million years ago there was a mass die off of sharks where entire species simply vanished. The scary thing is, we have no idea why. There are no events in the sediment data or anything that could point to an explanation for this die off. The only way we know this is the fossilized scales from ancient sharks suddenly going from super abundant to much rarer, with only "modern" sharks leaving their scales in newer sediment core layers.

[@trueomega]

The continued acknowledgement at newblood keeps giving me hope that Lumo will stream a NB game some time

[@KaneyoriHK]

The US is more or less a collective of 51 countries united under one government. So usually I'll put in my state and completely forget to include country cause that's how it feels. Also the thumbnail makes me angry.

[@alternativeplane]

I could be jock enough to be a werewolf if I wanted to, but I'm tired of being a brute. I want to be elegant enough to be a vampire when I wish to, but also have the option to drop the elegance and descend into a horrid goblin when I'm in the mood. Some sort of vampire-goblin-werewolf hybrid. Alas, I am but a clumsy oaf, traversing this mortal plane and trying not to knock things over

[@thebiglich]

8:33 thats space station 13

[@jenniferstewarts4851]

Kalbus, come on, how many Americans are shipping internationally? You do realize Canada is a MAJOR consumer and a TON of products bought online are shipped from the US to Canada.

[@Oturan20]

He's talking about _individuals_ not _companies._

[@danielattwood3344]

"Why are we still here, just to suffer?" Snake... why do you break the 4th wall sometimes?

[@hiwaga7399]

a comment about seasoning solid snake's buns

[@edsweet2858]

Yesss the after 5 am workout sleep is the best thing known to mankind

[@AlexiasShado]

3:45 Find your local Maker space! You can use all the equipment for a subscription.

[@marbear9116]

@ 1:40 I think what they meant was "why do you need to say USA? We say what state we're in". Like, really, everyone knows that Seattle, Washington is in the US. There is no country called Washington. It is redundant information to add USA to the email.

[@Karak-_-]

Does the computer that will sort the mail knows that?

[@heybro8845]

@@Karak-_- I’m sure it will. Computers are a lot better at their job than you give them credit for

[@samur4838]

Gordon Ramsay is a cruel parent, but an effective teacher. His final lesson is carved deep in my psyche: That this world and all its people are hungry. Free food is a myth. Prices are a joke. We are all pawns, controlled by something greater: MSG. The DNA of the culinary world. They shape our food. They are the culture - they are everything we eat. Expose someone to food long enough, they will learn to cook. They become a chef. Fast food, Chips, Soup… All MSG. All eaten food.

[@loneweeb7829]

4:39 Shrimp?

[@kcnoel5270]

3:30 one meal that tastes really good, is quick and easy to make, and is cheap is pirogies with sautéed onions and butter. My fellow lazy people, mrs. Tee’s frozen pirogies, boiled for three minutes, while in a pan you have melted butter and caramelized sautéed onions, and once the pirogies are finished in the pot one by one put them in with the onions and butter covering them fully with heaven, and serve. Okay I might have over explained and made it sound complicated but it is seriously good if you’re the kind of person who likes onions. If you don’t like onions, I would recommend peppers instead. Or just butter. Maybe some garlic if you’re into that.

[@Techischannel]

My favorite fast food item is Yakitori. All you need is a surface to heat a pan, you really dont want to use a fancy one, get these cheap ones, uncoated, with or without a handle. Buy some Teriyaki sauce, buy some wochester sauce, get petter and salt, also a bit of chilli powder. Buy bird meat, wash bird meat with water, cut bird meat into tiny bits. Get a bowl, gloop in teriyaki sauce, add a bit of wochester sauce, pepper, salt and chilli powder. Mix in the birb meat. Let it rest somewhere cool for 12 hours. Heat up pan and throw meat in pan. Its tasty. Its cheap. The most expensive thing is the thing making the pan go hot. That is if you arent just chopping wood and burning that.

[@thelonelykloud7435]

People realize msg is safe now: MSG: kept you waiting huh?

[@alternativeplane]

I avoid products with msg because they're usually high in sodium and I do not do well eating high-sodium food. I will eat bland, unsalted fries because eating anything with too much sodium makes me sick and I don't want to risk it because 50% of places will use too much salt

[@alternativeplane]

Also, my dad swears MSG makes him sick but frequently consumes pot noodle with MSG in it, he just throws away the flavour packet because in his mind that's the only thing with MSG and if he doesn't add it it's safe to eat. I even tried to explain to him one time that the soup itself does contain MSG, not just the flavour packet, and he refused to believe me because it didn't make him sick. I then tried to explain to him the nocebo effect and that, no, MSG was not the thing making him sick, but he wouldn't listen. I'll still chuckle to myself sometimes whenever I see him eating it because it's just so rediculous and stupid

[@aguyonyt1]

1:18 Sci Fi mostly: [Adress] [State (if possible)] [planet] [solar system] [galaxy] [universe]

[@ze_glitchy_gamer7629]

This is the best pack of r/tumblr so far. I should've done the tiny paper thing when I was still in high school.

[@nobleskoogs]

AFTER MY TWITTER QUESTION HE MENTIONS THE GOOMBUS

[@theSCP-682]

I know, I was surprised as all hell

[@oneirataxiadi4987]

r/ tumbler is by far my favorite subreddit, so imagine how disappointed I was when this came out WHILE IM WORKING. Pity me guys ;-;

[@teono6057]

for the pokemon one just make sure your pokemon has one of those really complicated evolution methods(I'm looking at you G!Yamask and Ursaring)

[@LincolnDWard]

I don't think I've mailed something to another country in my life.

[@Gamemaster-64]

5:07 same for viera well more of not wanting to change from once I notice. Want a few hair and hats but I been treking along as it been hard to change away.

[@heybro8845]

For the post about international shipping, we put the state on there. I’m sure you can deduce we’re talking about the US when we say we’re shipping to Wyoming

[@butterknight1236]

never expected to hear unfortunate spaceman here

[@theneighborhoodidiot7768]

unrelated to the video but i just got a frame perfect microwave opening and the beeping happened with the door open

[@obviously-]

0:25 I know this is a joke but ostriches can't be desended from T-rexes bc of the fact they live/lived on two separate continents after they were separated; which makes a t-rex in Africa increasingly unlikely.

[@LincolnDWard]

Eh...there were lions in North America at one point. Stranger things have happened.

[@obviously-]

@@LincolnDWard either those lions didn't come from Africa lions were just supper wide spread and got the opportunity to cross the ice-land bridge or *it isn't a lions and we just called it that* Or maybe I'm wrong but I'm fairly sure. Edit: wrote too quick, wrote wrong, fixed it.

[@swampdonkey1567]

Horses are originally from the Americas

[@obviously-]

@@swampdonkey1567 can I know what horse ancestor your talking about? Because there's no 'horse' animals in the Americas that I know of and it doesn't make sense for them all to migrate.

[@Shythalia]

@@LincolnDWard Mountain lions, yes. African lions, hmm, not too sure about that.

[@mr_mews]

Tell us how many lemons

[@alternativeplane]

Sharks: *survive millions of years and multiple extinction events* Humans: *evolve* Sharks: I'm in danger

[@alternativeplane]

Seriously, though, humans may very well be one of the worst catastrophic extinction events Earth has ever faced

[@JadeJuno]

9:25 okay but EVERSTONE.

[@SkyeTheSapphicWizard]

3:50 I have worked on my culinary skills from a young age, and it is the most useful skill to have. Buying random cheap ingredient and making it pretty delicious

[@sadraccoonboy]

To be fair to greer (pangur and grim) they live in Canada and their online shop is lots of pins and prints that have to be shipped all over the place. Oop seeing a few people talking about them already but ya

[@elytraman1809]

i was about to say, "hey! we 13 year-olds have great takes," then i realized im 15, what the heck happened!

[@smadge1]

Wait, in the outro, 10:59 “if you want more R slash Kalbus, there’ll be another one popping on your screen in a couple seconds…” are you reading r/Kalbus now too?

[@Lean_Dankr]

Alot of these were in emkays r/tumblr a day before this one

[@Fayanora]

Fun fact: MSG is in a lot of foods, both naturally and otherwise, yet literally the only time anyone ever claims they can feel the bad effects of MSG are with Asian food. Almost like it's just a form of racism.

[@B4dr4bbit]

I am sad FF14 is no longer suffering from the invasion of bunny boys. Now I run around as a short bun boy punching things and trying to make my Pervy cat uncle proud and doing poses.

[@EnderStine]

yeah you know there is an alternate dimension where yahoo didnt make stupid buisness decisions and became a monopoly even owning google and probably minecraft and definately youtube

[@blackwing1362]

baout the DIY thing in the middle, makerspaces are a thing that exists and are awesome. if you happen to live in northern VA, look up NOVA labs

[@hiwaga7399]

the real conspiracy was whatever tf that cold open was

[@lancer434]

If a cat’s standing at a door with a window it could be cus of the window

[@zachjaeger6401]

4:30 welcome to the anthropocene, eavryone.

[@Fayanora]

Pretty sure Joshua Weissman is tired of hearing people say that, given his penchant I've noticed of commenting during his videos that the things he does don't need expensive equipment, it's just faster that way.

[@pokemonpokemon4391]

i think I'm a morning person but without the exercise

[@oblivion715]

That's what the ostriches want you to think.

[@Ghosta_]

For the algorithm!

[@RisingRevengeance]

I'm swedish and mostly online shop in my own country but still know that I can't just go on any website and just tell them my street adress. What's your argument there?

[@NecrochildK]

In the US, most people fail to realize that. That’s the point.

[@lancer434]

Do you associate me with Lancer? That’s okay! *I do too.*

[@sarahdriedger4386]

Please elaborate on your meal prepping!

[@obsidian_oki]

Nano machines MSG and tax evasion

[@AttacusPNG]

John kalbus where in that tumblr post did it say the online store was based In the us?

[@metroload2199]

Half the stuff I ordered is from the eu

[@TotteryGlint]

I have a question How many lemons?

[@justsomeguywithahandlebarm2456]

For the old mango Also yes the 5 am workout system is broken asf

[@theonehowasket3719]

Small among us among us among us among us

[@brunnacunha5040]

I really wish y'all did more than 10-15 min videos.. Sadge. I wanna hear y'all's voices for longer!!

[@setojurai]

hey Lumo. Imma piss you off using just one word. SLOPPAYH

[@danielnightingale1505]

But people who are international ship to America

[@thisisasupersayin376]

*I'M GOING TO LICK THE SHARK VTUBER AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME*

[@Shythalia]

Lick it the right direction though, otherwise, you'd scrape your tongue.

[@-B.A.G]

I was watching a video on washing a kitten how the fuck

[@LilyTheSmol]

Idk why, but Lumo knowing who Gura is and being a watcher of her streams unsettles me for some reason. Don't get me wrong, I love vtubers, they're great, but something about it just feels like I should not be able to hear one of them talking about the other.

[@brandongovreau9218]

Imagine this a werewolf dwarf and a vampire elf troll dwarf as in The fairy tail creature not the birth defect my dad has the facial structure of both a dwarf and a werewolf and my mom is a small woman regular shortness not defective shortness she's like 5 foot something my dad is 6 ft something like I am he's a little bit shorter than me my mother has vampire characteristics and elf characteristics and true characteristics she has the greed and looks of a troll and the kindness in helping mentality of a elf and kind of looks like one as well just imagine a young adult man with a beard 6 foot something a little bit fat with the characteristics of all of those fairy tail creatures combined in a more realistic human sort of way

[@mrblakeboy1420]

10:59 what do you mean more r/kalbus

[@gavinlewis2853]

Heh nice intro

[@razzyxrose]

never been this early

[@MelancholyZeitgeist]

There's a difference between sharks are gura Lumo. Why won't you eat her??

[@le9038]

I pray to God you are a Square with a smaller thicker square in the inside in real life or else this would be really disappointing...

[@coolbugfacts3953]

hi

[@The_Con_Man.]

hi

[@tangosteen]

hi

[@dudemcduder1628]

Hi

[@yokyatwo7203]

Comment

[@rhythmkawaii_42k]

:D

[@KevinRFree-tf3sw]

Uwu

[@dcinac3024]

Third

[@MinorLG]

As someone that lives in the US, if I am aware that an order is being placed with a foreign company, my address always ends with "U.S.A.". This makes my full given address as "123 Fake St CityVille, State 12345-6789 U.S.A."

[@cynthiablackthorn]

Can we see R/kalbus