“He just turned 50 & we have NO savings. I’m panicking!”

[@ramitsethi]

00:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

[@LL-pq5uo]

@ramitsethi - regarding kids and finances that you touched upon in this video, my 8-year-old enjoyed watching your Netflix series and this past weekend we did something regarding taking living our rich lives to the next level... relating to a hotel upgrade! LOL. I want to email or message you about it but didn't know which would be the best avenue to do so, where you might actually see it.

[@mkcraycray1316]

Sorry guys. We"re 50 with no savings is completely different from we have $500k in retirement, $15k in savings & live in a $750k house. Ramit needs to bring on someone who is actually 50 with no savings

[@PurpleStarsaver]

Why don’t you and your partner apply to be on the show? Y’all will get advice plus help a lot of other people in your situation

[@sixthorder]

Someone who's 50 with no savings can't really be helped. Unless Ramit snaps his fingers and makes money appear, what advice can he actually give? You need finances to require financial advice

[@corinardh8635]

I appreciate the fact that they came on and tell all their numbers But they are full of stories : Kate … I am a minimalist , when I was young , I fell we never had enough money while her parents generously gave 30k for wedding 100k for the house. However , their generosity is not helping but probably hurting Drew: I can do whatever we want with money … that’s not the case for 99% of people. We are have some restrictions The people who can do whatever they want .. naturally they don’t. They are usually frugal

[@vivathecat7052]

Thanks for this comment. I was confused as well.

[@ericgrube9954]

Ramit's target demographic doesn't want to see actually broke people. He's targeting upper-middle class millennials/Gen X.

[@SixthSenseSynesthete]

Spending $500k on a renovation is actually insane. Could have bought a brand new house with that money.

[@IrisP989]

You can’t purchase a brand new single family home in my county for that amount but that would be an incredible down payment on a $1M plus home.

[@laundrygoddess4]

​@@IrisP989 you can in my country but not on Toronto or Vancouver

[@IrisP989]

@@laundrygoddess4 I am in an expensive state. It just doesn't exist in my area anymore (you can purchase a mobile home or two though).

[@laundrygoddess4]

@@IrisP989 that was my point. Hcol areas this isn't reasonable. So yeah it's a great thing for people living in my rural areas but not so much for urban people

[@angelapate328]

Or 2

[@jonasking3670]

She doesn’t want to be like her mother because her mother said they didn’t have the money when she was a child. Now her parents have the money to give her 100k for a down payment. The reason her parents have the 100k now is because they said no when she was a child. She doesn’t seem to make that connection.

[@chefkocher1]

Neither did I! Thank you for pointing that out!

[@barbaratozzano6364]

Why do so many parents seem to think its a bad thing to say no to their kids? Giving kids every single thing they want is what is damaging. Teach them delayed gratification. Sets them up for a much happier and successful life.

[@nomaam5891]

Because they don’t want to look like the “bad parents”. Plus most kids don’t understand keeping family business in the house. Let a friend ask why their parents didn’t buy/pay for something, guaranteed the friend tells their parents and news of “money problems” will spread like wildfire. That’s MY opinion.

[@chukuemekaoje1015]

​@@nomaam5891 I 100% agree with your opinion.

[@funtechu]

​@@nomaam5891Saying no to your kids sometimes and teaching them about prioritization doesn't make you a bad parent - on the contrary, it makes you a *good* parent. A bad parent raises their kids to be unprepared for life, and narcissistic.

[@jochenkraus7016]

I have no children so I might be out of touch here, but I can still speculate 😂 Children might compare what they have and learn̈ the "keeping up with the Joneses" from their parents. Are the shoes from a cool brand or the cheap ones? Where did you go on vacation? Why aren't you in the soccer team? Etc.

[@RB-gq2zy]

Our kids know that we do not compare ourselves to others and that we beat to our own drum. We focus on abundance, gratitude and doing kind acts for others. I’m hopeful that these early taught life lessons will make a difference for my 6 and 8 year old.

[@StrongopinionsRus]

I have several friends who are in their 50s, kids in college, and their parents need help financially. They are supporting themselves, their children, AND their aging parents. I wish parents of young kids could wrap their heads around the importance of saying no to their children in favor of their own financial security. We’re really not doing our children any favors if we buy them gifts and trips at the expense of our retirement savings.

[@stefflores]

We need to point this out louder and more often! Children are NOT a retirement plan!

[@lindaanderson1016]

Plus those children normally are not resilient, nor creative, nor content , nor aware of normal life.

[@Capycorg]

​@@lindaanderson1016 harsh but true 🤣

[@StrongopinionsRus]

@@lindaanderson1016 so true. Kids don’t need all the stuff and gadgets. They’re not deprived if they’ve never been to Disney. We’ve said no to our children a lot. We rarely say, “we can’t afford it,” we say, “that’s not how we want to spend our money.” That shift in perspective is important-it communicates to them that we’re in control of our money and we can choose how to spend it.

[@alanadevaughn2790]

She is out of control with money because she knows her parents will bail her out, and she has an inheritance to fall back on.

[@CAGChannel1]

That’s awesome for this family! Good gig if you can get it :)

[@saeedhossain6099]

and he does not, she seems like she'd open a separate bank account for her inheritance, if he gets anything, that'll go into the joint account.

[@rebeltheharem7028]

Honestly, it feels like they are taking their parents for granted. My parents gave me their life savings when I turned 30 as a gift, but I never took used it for myself. Instead I just invested that money and considered myself the custodian of their money instead (I basically didn't need that money anyways, as I make more than enough to pay for myself). I now use that investment to pay for their many vacations and living expenses (since they are retired now, I want them to go on a good vacation a few times a year). They're retired, and I think they deserve it. I would never leech off of them like this couple, and take them for granted or "rely" on their inheritance, as I think its just as bad as my parents seeing me as their retirement plan (which they admittedly do) I don't see them as burdens though, as I'm more than grateful to my parents. Instead of seeing it as a responsibility or some filial piety or moral obligation, I see this more as a gift and appreciation of thanks for being good parents, and I genuinely want them to see more of life and experience more things. And let me tell you, this is a pretty big mindset change. But I guess I'm lucky my parents raised me this way, and that they weren't crap parents. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, I think its pretty bad that she seems to see her parents wealth and inheritance as a safety net, and I feel like she's a bit ungrateful to them.

[@mini_special]

smart answer!

[@laurenm.6320]

My parents gave us 7K for a wedding, and we spent 4. I wrote a check back to my parents for the 3K and they told us to keep it to help us get started in life. We are celebrating 22 years of marriage next month. ❤ I don’t think anyone was overly impressed by our wedding, but I’m completely comfortable with that fact and somehow life has been great despite it! 😅

[@FIREownyourtime]

Exactly..we spent $50 for gold bands each. $50 for registration. $100 for dresses. Then waited to save up for $5k for an entire year to go for our NYC honeymoon. Married 15 years!

[@tracyaf6084]

The cost of the wedding has nothing to do with the quality of the marriage. Ours was under 5k and we’re still happy 13 years later. If you want a big wedding and can afford it, great. It isn’t a requirement though.

[@emclaire18]

I was thinking a $50k wedding in 1999/2000 is insane!!!

[@ntimn8r]

Love this!

[@kelly4618]

I'm not going into debt so my friends and family can get drunk and talk crap about wedding anyway. Never!

[@JetsDuck]

This couple is so unrelatable--everyone's acting like they have nothing but they are making 200k/year (with incredible benefits + bonus income opportunities over the summer), they get 6 figure gifts from the bank of mom and dad, and ultimately have a net worth that's 3x the median for people in their 50's (and she's closer to 40!). It's exceedingly difficult to empathize with them.

[@ZaneDouglas1]

Agreed, and the headline that "We have no Savings" is so false with them having a $750 house, $500K in retirement investments, and $15k in savings and nearly a million dollar net worth. They're not even close to the average family. They just need to reign in their spending like anyone spending beyond their means, but they have quite a safety net.

[@rebeltheharem7028]

Incredibly unrelatable, to the point, I don't really care about them (as its hard to sympathize). Its not that interesting, because they have such huge safety nets, and a 1 million dollar net worth.... I though they were net worth negative 480K. Not net worth positive 1 million AFTER a 480K debt. Honestly feels ungrateful that she is viewing her parents kind of like a bailout source.

[@arhanna565]

Great unpacking and packing, that 401 K double match … ! I don’t see the source of terror since they have great incoming income … and family support Nice case study !

[@BelleDividends]

The video is not about their actual finances, it is about their money psychology and how it has been messing with them. Yeah I'd love to see some lower income and a poorer couple too, makes it more realistic. But the main key-takeaway is about their money psychology and I feel you're missing the point by not looking at that.

[@fleammm]

I agree but you don’t need to empathize with them to learn how to avoid their mistakes

[@gomezdiana84]

I've noticed a lot of times the person stressing to fix the finances is the person that pushes the family into debt.

[@gomezdiana84]

I point it out because it's me. I'll buy a plane ticket impulsively but panick if my husband buys a bagel on the "wrong card" I really relate with this couple.

[@excitedaboutlearning1639]

That's insightful! Also, the other person refusing to engage with money can cause the money manager to take desperate measures, and they may not be good.

[@Coastpsych_fi99]

I’ve noticed this at times as well in real life. Thanks for the observation and sharing.

[@T8rB]

@@gomezdiana84 it’s interesting right? It’s a co created dynamic, dude isn’t passive by choice perhaps, but rather because his wife has something to PROVE and he wants to give her the space to succeed, to the eventual detriment of all

[@OGLechaba]

The courage the couple has to come here and layout their vulnerabilities to get help while we also learn from their experiences is truly remarkable

[@luxuryinModeration]

Note to admin/editors- the sound editing is getting more terrible with the recent videos. When Ramit cuts in with his after-recording comments, his voice is so loud, I need to lower the volume. Then when it cuts back to the recorded couple, the sound is so soft that I need to turn up the volume again. This constant switching and changing the volume is so annoying and a real turn off. Can you please make sure the volume is consistent!?!

[@ntimn8r]

Really glad Ramit did the "cut in" at the end to explain things more, because the way it was edited, I was unsure why he was so frustrated with this couple. It makes more sense to know that 3 hours of the conversation was edited out.

[@MsJ.TeacherToTech]

I understand why the husband doesn't engage in the finances. The wife and parents override him.

[@kdonor]

Ramit, I wonder if you'd consider requiring people to read your book before applying. It seems respectful to your time.

[@awb19892]

he can't even get half the people to know how much money they make. Good luck with that.

[@MoneyMindsetCoach3]

Her parents must be very well off to give thrm $100,000 for a down payment! Before i heard the number i was thinking $25,000? Wow!

[@isiah675]

If you're in your 60s and 70s you should have an extra 100k for your kids. That's decades and decades of compounding ☠️

[@T8rB]

Absolutely insane, dropping that much on your adult child’s renovation project house. 😅

[@elizabethbarrett5303]

Her parents should have given him the money and told him to run😊

[@isiah675]

@@elizabethbarrett5303 😂😂😂😂😂

[@unikornkontroller]

@@isiah675 Even if I had 100k I wouldn't earmark that for my kid. I love him too much to gift him $100k for just being my son. The single worst thing you can do for your kids is give them money for no reason.

[@shoppinprncss85]

As a parent, yes, I want my child to have the world. As a reasonable person, I know that's not possible all the time. When I have to say no, I need to explain my 7 y/o that we're not poor, but spending that money won't allow for us to do other things she really wants to do in the future. Guess what, she understands completely and is ok with the temporary sacrifice.

[@Tammy.822]

The circumstances surrounding the house are insane: Parents push her to get a house he doesn't want so they do it anyway, parents give $100K down payment, they spend $500K (!!) on renovations. How does any of this make sense? It's also interesting how she talks about money while growing up. She says it was painful and she doesn't want that for her kids. Wonder what was painful about it when it seems like the parents have done a lot (financially) for her as an adult.

[@jhgh2000]

In fairness to the parents, they urged the couple to buy a house in a market where a house is >400k and gave the couple 100k as a down payment thereby reducing that cost by 25% or more and making the cost to the couple >300k. It was the couple’s absolutely insane 500k renovation, which the parents didn’t have anything to do with, that transformed the house purchase from a reasonable to an unreasonable financial proposition.

[@qcspt]

@@jhgh2000 Omg, half a million for a home reno feels insane but I know it's not... It just feels like a shame because they were set up so well on that front if they were willing to take renos slowly and save up for things that they wanted...

[@eile4219]

@@qcspt i think they got rip off. lol There is no way someone will value whatever renovation that they done worth $500k

[@awb19892]

Lots of parents are control freaks. Including financially. Not saying that's the case here, I don't know. But I know people who didn't want kids but realized their parents would shower them with cash if they did have kids, so they had the kids.

[@Kevin.Grindel]

I’m so confused they are spending $550 on homeopathy and we are arguing over $125 for kids soccer this is where you massage the CSP for what is important.

[@LabradorsAreGoodDogs]

I'm all for not spoiling kids, but cutting soccer "the only thing they love" because you wanted a new kitchen is crazy!

[@funtechu]

That pretty much tells you everything you need to know about this couple. Anyone that is spending $500 a year on placebo sugar pills isn't a rational individual.

[@--..__]

trusting allopathic medicine doesn't mean you're a rational individual. It just indicates you follow authority. Lots of homeopathic treatments are effective, and the way you snap to judgement about the type of medical care they use doesn't make you look rational, it makes you look like a well trained sheep.

[@funtechu]

@@--..__ Exactly zero homeopathic treatments are effective. You are correct that just because someone uses normal medicine doesn't mean they are rational, but if you do use homeopathic medicine, it *does* mean you are irrational. That is to say, not using homeopathic medicine is a necessary, but not sufficient condition.

[@contournut5726]

@@funtechu It's $500 a month. This section has to be monthly given the other numbers.

[@KG-oe8oo]

"Kate is not particularly skilled to manage these numbers" is the understatement of the year.

[@untouchable360x]

We have to choose one of two pains in life. The pain of discipline or the pain of regret. Discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.

[@amanda.c.ice.]

Wow I’ve never heard it described like this but I love it! Thanks!

[@robh1961]

💯

[@twlight9000]

This couple has had one of the more positive follow-ups than a lot of the more recent couples. I think that should really be applauded and I'm happy for them now working as a unified force. It took some time to get there, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel!

[@thewriteplaceforme6874]

Excellent follow-up! I struggled to watch this episode and was frustrated with this couple, but the honesty at the end was worth it. Some of the commenters here have completely missed the point of this podcast because they think it's a show about fixing finances. What they don't seem to realize is that people with high incomes aren't always happy because they have no purpose or vision in their lives. The commenters get stuck on the word "rich" because they think it means having money instead of having depth, flavor, joy, meaning, and passion (a rich chocolate cake isn't filled with money). The commentors also seem to ignore the word "conscious" in relation to the spending plan (not a budget!). If you don't pay attention to where your money goes and especially if you spend it on things that have no meaning or bring joy, then what's the point of the money? No money and tons of money will make you feel the same because there's no vision with a plan to get there. Money is the tool, not the goal. I think the biggest thing some commenters are missing is that smart people with high incomes have trouble with finances, not because they're not smart or rich but because they turned on autopilot and let society and upbringing decide what their lives should be instead of taking ownership of their own destiny. That applies to every income bracket and every economic market.

[@excitedaboutlearning1639]

When I heard the renovation number I was like WTF!

[@leahmanderson298]

I audibly gasped! I rewound the episode to make sure I heard that right!!

[@slmay3484]

I ran to the comments! They could have built two houses with that! Where i live maybe even four!!

[@stevemaurer2259]

Renovations are Ramit’s favorite 😂😂

[@jochenkraus7016]

​@slmay3484 She sounds like A LOT was done. Idk how much was really necessary. Recently my parents got some repairs/renovation done in the bathroom. That stayed four digits. They didn't do more although they don't like the old tiles, because they heard that others spent 20k or 30k. The whole house is good but an "80% solution" (I recently heard "Pareto Home" 😂 ) instead of the dream house so the renovation also are 😂. Fix what's broken or annoying.

[@KM-ez7pk]

I really don't understand how that's possible on a $350k house. I would have put the house on market as is and cut my losses before I dropped a half million dollars.

[@nho415]

I suspect she is thinking of her parents' money as her emergency fund.

[@tracyaf6084]

And the inheritance is their retirement plan

[@AbiTheEngineer]

This couple needs to start from 0. They need to read the book and start from scratch. The fact they spent $500k on renovation is insaaaaaaane

[@lastpolarbearcub]

9:02 I’ve never heard of a $100k down payment assistance from parents. And this is even additional assistance from previous assistance?? Her parents are wildly rich yet she threw away $525k on renovations

[@LabradorsAreGoodDogs]

She probably threw that money into renovations *because* her parents are wildly rich.

[@stephaniemejia4324]

She mentioned how she felt bad and deprived about money growing up. If her parents said yes to her all the time, they probably wouldn't have had 100K to give her later.

[@hrw3mom103]

We had a young single woman buy one of our family homes. She was a grad student and we couldn’t figure out how she could afford a 4/2.5 SFH in a nice area. Turns out Grandma hooked her up. That woman was a spoiled brat. She was so entitled that she had the cable company come and try to shut off our service to set hers up before we had even left the house and signed at closing! My old neighbor told me she had mental issues, didn’t care for the house, and eventually sold it for a loss.

[@ryjoph89]

We were gifted a very generous amount from both our parents to the amount of 115k.... but we also had saved up our own 100k.... we bought a nice but modest first house (450k in late 2022) so the large down payment brought our loan down to 235k at 6.63% (hoping rates lower soon) which made our mortgage only slightly higher than our rent had been which has freed up a significant amount of our housing budget. I cant thank them enough and regularly still voice our appreciation to them for helping us stay close to them physically (we had been seriously planning on moving 5 hours away where houses were more within our price range without any assistance) I never felt entitled to this and never planned on it.. but we are so grateful to them because we love our house and love the area we live and love our parents

[@Camie2030]

I received 68k for down payment in 2012 (20% down payment). My sister received 200k for her down payment (also 20%) when she purchase her home in 2021. We also received early inheritance of 250k but stipulation we have to buy investment homes. Which we did. My parents weren’t well off but they want the best for their kids. They gave us everything for what they saved up for 25 years. We are very conscious of how we have to grow that funds so we can help them repay them. They never want it back.

[@tracyaf6084]

These people need a simple Ramsey solution. Get on a budget, work more, pay debt. The sad thing is the stress in their lives is completely unnecessary. They’re over complicating their finances.

[@corinardh8635]

Kate kept saying money was painful when she was a child … if her parents did not restrict when she was a child. I can guarantee there is no money now for her wedding /house down payment vacation

[@stephaniemejia4324]

Read my mind!

[@syedmuhammadaqib8620]

This is not a financial problem by any means. Here’s my take: When they started dating, she was impulsive and he saved. Before marriage, that’s fine. Go be impulsive with your own money while you are single. After marriage, finances get combined and it’s striking that he didn’t want to buy the condo and the house and she just went ahead and did it without him agreeing. The number one rule for couples should be to agree on a decision first and then take action after agreement. If there is disagreement, then talk about it and find a place where both agree but NEVER do something when you know your partner doesn’t agree with this course of action. Deep down, he thinks that he never wanted to buy the condo, the house and do all the renovations and all this debt is imposed on him and as such, he is not responsible for this mess so he acts like it. Any couple can make poor financial decisions but they do it together. This couple did it apart from each other. What’s to say they come up with a plan and she gets impulsive again NOT WITH SPENDING, but with taking action without him agreeing!!!

[@damienbates]

It’s easy to feel frustrated and annoyed by the behaviors of this couple. However, I made many of the same mistakes in my first marriage. The biggest mistake was abdicating too much responsibility to my wife who frankly wasn’t capable of handling it. I lacked boundaries and discipline to hold myself and her accountable. She was a spendthrift and I was focused on putting her and the kids at the center of my life. After 12 years it finally all came to a head and ended. Ultimately I can only blame myself for being blinded by a fictional version of our situation and a coward once I realized what I needed to do to fix it. Having to start over is a real pain but at least now I’m more aware of what I want and how to keep it from going to shit.

[@mainsocial1105]

So proud of you for making a change! Good luck on your journey!

[@michaeld1054]

Hey Ramit, great show as always. When you come in on your solo shots (different from when you're interviewing the couple) the microphone is LOUD. Much louder than when you're interviewing the guests. Please make sure your editors keep the audio levels consistent. Thanks!

[@nomaam5891]

They definiely have a savings, it’s just not substantial enough for their needs or an emergency. Worst case, I’m sure her parents will bail them out.

[@cathblaze694]

New rule: you have to read the book before coming on the show lmaoo. Also, the call with them lasted 4 hours???? i feel we got nowhere. although, I got to say their follow up was really detailed so it kind of makes up for it :)

[@jaynez9027]

2 million in retirement plus their house and social security.. also $200k is gross right? I don’t think they’re in THAT BAD of a spot with their retirement numbers..

[@Natalie_11188]

Assuming they both stay healthy and don’t need to outsource caregiving for a long while (if ever) they are good. But if someone gets sick young or needs long term care, the person left behind might be in a pickle. Also people being people as the kids get older they are going to spend more on them (college, graduate school, cars and weddings). They CAN change and get in a better place in the next 20yrs if they are diligent.

[@faithmiletello1483]

unless they still have the debt, which in their case it seems they will, they will never retire.

[@carolmeinhart2698]

One idea to to ask Kate’s parents to fund or partially each kid’s sports as a Christmas gift. Instead of spending $8k on Xmas, make pine cone ornaments as gifts. Be honest with all about attacking a financial hardship.

[@ShravanAvyuktaVlogs]

When Ramit said phrases like “you don’t have time, times up, you are not 25 anymore” that kinda triggered them. But hey, Ramit NEEDS to be the bad cop here. Someone needs to tell them that and just be brutally honest with them.

[@ST-wo3uw]

How on earth can people come on Ramit's show without reading his book!? Kind of rude. I read it in a single afternoon. Also, "dire" seems kind of dramatic for their situation. They still have a lot of years to work and grow their retirement savings. They're not at $0.

[@kdonor]

I agree. It seems disrespectful of his time.

[@oswaldorazo6279]

U r so much better than anyone 😂😂😂

[@ignitionSoldier]

I swear some people have all the opportunity and support in the world and they mess it up. I wish I had parents like that to help me out once and a while.

[@AlphaOmegaArt]

If you had her parents, you'd be her. I'd consider hard whether she's happier.

[@teragram8006]

looking at their numbers in an annual format gives her a very convenient excuse for overspending. i think the monthly numbers would bring her face to face with the facts. its like someone on a calorie restricted diet only counting the number of meals they eat, not what the meals actually consist of.

[@KM-ez7pk]

It also means she only has to be held accountable once a year rather then monthly. "Maybe next year will be better". Keeps them from making immediate adjustments

[@mo1482]

@@KM-ez7pk This is such a good point and one I hadn't thought of.

[@ceciliaruns72]

It should be mandatory to read the book prior to being on the show!!!!!

[@feldhdleh]

Ramit, I think that was one of the best sets of followups ever. In their case 4 weeks does not make a fullsome trend, but their attitudes have taken a great turn for the better. Well done sticking with them until the end and pushing hard for exposing the elephant in the room.

[@FMJ777]

Bring on a couple with no assets and no savings and help them

[@TheJohnnyGomes]

I find it interesting that she is the one in charge of money and is constantly accusatory, but she seems the more problematic one from where I'm standing. And it all comes down to how they talk, he "wants the kids to be happy" and "not say no" she clearly judges, but then she's the one who spends 8k on christmas. Her actions and her words/tone are completely discrepant

[@mwise9435]

I was waiting for this comment/Ramit to call this out. She's the driver of the major overspending, he was a historical saver and frugal, spending less than he made. He wants to do the same thing he's always been doing, but because she's running wild with MAJOR MAJOR expenses, so he is having to say no to french fries with the kids (while bringing in $200k/yr)???? Something tells me he didn't want to spend $55k on the wedding. She straight up said he didn't want to buy the house, but she and her parents pushed them to. He tried to keep the renovation costs down doing what he could himself, she went out and hired a contractor when it wasn't like immediately done (and a bad one at that apparently). Her tone as the person controlling the finances places way more blame on him than he seems to have earned. And ... Ramit was fairly harsh on him for being checked out and letting her shoulder the emotional weight of the debt situation. I'm not saying he should be oblivious or ignore it, but she's the one that put them there, and she's not earning anything to help them get out of it. She probably should feel more emotional toll from it. edit: Plus she's "a stay at home mom and home school teacher" according to the intro, but "home school" was listed as an expense on the CSP, so what exactly is that expense? Shouldn't a home school teacher have effectively zero expenses related to that?

[@amanda.c.ice.]

I am in shock they spend 8K on x-mas with two kids. Like where the F does the 8K go to? I have 2 kids and never spend more than$1,000 on gifts for my kids, husband and entire extended family!

[@emmatynes7287]

Our budget for the wedding was 10,000 we spent 9,500. The next day we brought everyone out to brunch. Just a smidge under budget at the end- about a hundred bucks left in the account.

[@KG-oe8oo]

and she wants to blame everything on Drew and "their" decisions. I sincerely doubt Drew blew their wedding budget.

[@lindaanderson1016]

In my church we gift the member couple alot of services and the venue. The coordinator helps them plan, work with in their budget. Help one another, bear one another's burdens. This is Christlike.

[@cocoachera]

In short: They want to be debt free, have savings, and be good at money but can't tell their kids no. Makes no sense..and yes I'm a parent. My parents told me no all the damn time...not saying no to your kids leads to entitlement which will hurt them in the long run if they don't learn the hard lessons now.

[@PS-bh3zp]

Another person crushed by a calendar/events….Christmas, birthdays, “events” etc are constant, you can’t pretend to be surprised by them. Their net worth would look dramatically different without that $100k seed from the parents

[@KM-ez7pk]

$8k on Christmas! Like what are you buying? I can't imagine spending more than $500 per kid on Christmas. $1k if we are feeling REALLY good with our numbers. At some point you're just getting them a bunch of junk. Have them make a list of 5 things they really want then pick from that list based on your budget.

[@gregnorwood320]

I’m 1hr in, and I feel like I’m screaming SELL THE HOUSE! Not sure if we got there, but SELL THE HOUSE!

[@cscors2-bi8lj]

This title is a total lie. They have savings and assets

[@twlight9000]

The title is a quote so I don't feel like its misleading. Plus they have 200k on a business credit card so ..

[@joshuabrist9333]

They admitted that the savings were just for shortly upcoming expenses (like that months' bills). In what way is that a lie?

[@awb19892]

@@twlight9000 It's in quotation marks, doesn't mean it's a direct quote. They did say the $15k wasn't an emergency fund, it was for expenses they were about to have or something, and they had no emergency fund.

[@twlight9000]

@@awb19892 Yeah I don't think the title is misleading or click-bait

[@educatedwanderer9293]

My wife and I went into debt twice and out of debt twice. The second time I began educating myself with David Ramsey and then as the debt got paid off I read and learned more about investing . I read and listened to Paul Merriman, KZbin, and Bogle heads resources. I began maxing my retirement savings and living off 50% of my after tax income. I am 55 and I have no debt and a net worth 31x our living expenses. Our expenses budget is adjusted yearly and I use the mean household income for the USA which has worked pretty well for us for the last ten years or more. My income is roughly twice our expenses and that has been consistent.

[@nerdcave0]

Hot take but if I had parents/family who could easily bail me out in an emergency, I'd be tempted to get my debt in a good place before focusing on my own emergency fund.

[@CAGChannel1]

Yep, and not pay that interest on the loan. I would push debt payments too if they know, really know, there is a safety net in the parents.

[@marantaperez9737]

I used to take my son to the library and other times to Barnes and Noble so we could read and spend quality time together. Every now and then I would buy him a book for his Star wars collection. I also used to look for free sports activities at church like Upward. I used to pay $35 for the uniform, pictures and gym use.

[@nouvang9156]

I want to see what their renovation looks like!

[@hongliennguyen8839]

Me too

[@rhondavigil795]

I imagine unfinished and chaotic

[@bagel_bandanna]

The cost of home renovation has gone up significantly in the past 5-10 years. Not just drywall prices, but labor.

[@janetkenny4861]

I appreciate your candor with this couple, I was frustrated, with especially her, 10 minutes in, she was looking for a quick fix. Their way to fix this isn’t that hard, they have enough resources with some consistency to get themselves in a good financial place. They did come to self realization near the end.

[@ivanpadilla4479]

Probably the best possible ending. I’m glad Ramit was willing to call it quits. They (initially) just wanted hand holding all the way and do none of the work.

[@katherinesmith235]

Wow. I was a single mom and the things this couple expects themselves to give to their children is terrifying to me. But I'm equally scared for this couple's parents.I just hope they have enough for themselves before being generous to their kids

[@Capycorg]

Agree. lots of people assuming her parents are rich...I'm scared they AREN'T.

[@dlyroadrunner]

Half a mil for renovations??? That could’ve been put towards a new house!!!!

[@Capycorg]

Especially in a market where you can buy a house for $350k

[@dennisshea9540]

They couldn’t even afford to be in the house without the $100k. Plus they borrowed the renovate. the house decision is killing them.

[@PS-bh3zp]

People are allergic to spreadsheets, this is an easy solve with plopping the numbers in and seeing what the smoothed income&expenses are. Mind blowing how difficult people make this

[@imitationpitaya]

Bingo. You have to actually look at the numbers as they are, not what just what you would like them to be.

[@KG-oe8oo]

That woman should be embarrassed about taking all of that money from her parents and then telling her son he can't have extra fries.

[@saynay333]

Telling your kids "no" is how they become optimizers 😂

[@AnthonyBenderBender]

She's a teenager that is chasing happiness through keeping up with something you can never catch. He has checked out mentally beaten down by her behavior and probably that she runs to mommy and daddy to get her way. They look like brother and sister or cousins too. I love people like these that keep the stock market going through their insane consumerism.

[@FIREownyourtime]

Fix this. Put aside some money until savings hit $20k. Then, throw every available cent towards the heloc until its done. Keep the investing and matching. Cut homeopathy, cut subscriptions and they will be out of heloc in 3 years. No clothes, no ski, no vacations, no Christmas gifts for 3 years. They can get out of the hole.

[@KG-oe8oo]

The problem here is Kate. Drew didn't want to buy either house. Drew earns $200k a year. Kate is clueless and wants to only blame Drew except for "I'm impulsive with money". Oh MAN is she self absorbed. Hey Kate, get a job and take some responsibility. Stop blaming Drew, it's not him, IT IS YOU!

[@twlight9000]

This seems pretty reductive to their situation, Kate has had the complete mental load of the finances and self admits that she's drowning. Not to mention, the fact that they are is a better spot working as a team means that the solution is being a unified force. Drew admits he's been absent in these decisions, putting too much pressure on Kate, causing a bad dynamic. They both played a part in their past mistakes, Kate's are just more 'noticeable' since she was set up as the fall guy by being solely in charge of the money.

[@saeedhossain6099]

​​@@twlight9000her spending habits have always been, daddy will pay the bill, even in her "Matronly" role, she's constraining his spending, but not her credit enabled christmas splurges. so it's a reductive take because the answer is simple, and accurate.

[@twlight9000]

@@saeedhossain6099 But she's not constraining his spending, he knows they can't afford it yet he sends a frowning text with their son in order to absolve himself of the guilt. I actually don't think we have drastically different opinions on this couple, Kate 100% overspends and is contributing to the problem. I just don't think its fair to absolve Drew of all wrong doing since he admits hes been asleep at the wheel for all of it as well.

[@saeedhossain6099]

@@twlight9000 so we're skipping over the large fries anecdote that is the backbone of Ramit's tutting that he's the adolescent in the relationship...... and it underpins your own analysis.

[@twlight9000]

@@saeedhossain6099 I actually think the fries situation falls into what I said earlier - Kate's are just more 'noticeable' since she was set up as the fall guy by being solely in charge of the money He knows they have no money. Why send a picture frowning with their son to get permissions about fries? While I think he should have 'fun money' allocated for fries, it doesn't change that she was being setup as the bad guy having to say "no" when he is capable of "being the bad guy" himself.

[@vast634]

They have all the options to sell their house (if its really that much worth), rent a smaller apartment, send the children to school and have her got to work ... and pay off all the debt in the process. But I guess that is not convenient for her.

[@corinardh8635]

Kate is saying that she has been lucky when she take risks. She is not lucky. She has her parents to bail her out

[@imitationpitaya]

That is a form of luck. Not everyone has parents who can bail them out

[@TheSharmam]

she seems to definitely want to take credit for her parents balining them out. i guess, that is what she brings to the table.

[@kingsgold]

Looking at this couple and Ramit, he noticed something. That you cant teach hungry. This couple was hungry to change their financial situation because it hasnt been working. They just didnt have direction on how to change it. I know it mostly came down to read book and meet weekly, but Drew still needed that wake up call on how bad things are for his family. And using humor as a coping mechanism wasnt helping his wife or himself. He may not retire at 65, he may be pushing retirement off until 68 or even later to make sure that he does have enough.

[@amypruss8391]

Teaching college until 68 is totally doable, assuming decent health.

[@carynmills5922]

There are no healthy boundaries or limits here and we all need them. As long as they have her parents with an open wallet to hit as they want, they can not get out of this mess. IF they want to make changes, they need to go cold turkey with the old people's cash!

[@KG-oe8oo]

Kate "I feel guilty about the decisions WE made". Um no, that would be the decisions YOU made, Kate. I sincerely doubt Drew overspent your wedding budget.

[@craziinancy1]

I think her husband is leaving the money management to her cause she’s the one driving the large spending and wrecking the finances. “If you break it, fix it”

[@rachellewellyn9062]

I agree. When he does voice his opinion, she does what she wants anyway. She bought TWO different houses that he didn't want to buy... And then the man couldn't have french fries? 😬 Yeah. He needs to be heard.

[@KM-ez7pk]

@@rachellewellyn9062 Asking your wife if it's OK to buy french fries is a pretty wild dynamic. Even if you're partially joking

[@ohchristineho]

34:50 when he says "it would really hurt ME" to know the full financial picture as though that excuses placing the full emotional burden on his wife 🤦🏻‍♀️ and men wonder why we're not ok

[@AlphaOmegaArt]

The episode illustrates well that how people feel about money and their relationship with money is only loosely related to their current financial status. A lot of the comments say this couple has so much in investment and retirement and they have parents that provide financial support etc. etc. It's easy to say others should be happy with their situation or that their problems aren't so big. It's true that there's real variation in how bad problems are, but the subjective suffering people feel at any size problem is also real to them. People can commit suicide over financial stress even if they have more net worth than 95% of the population. This couple was obviously very stressed about money, especially Kate. It makes sense - if I'd witnessed myself overspending all my life and getting myself into expensive debt, I'd be anxious all the time too

[@velvxtte.]

Why would you spend 8K on Xmas?

[@ariella1357]

I wonder not Why, but on What? Was it a family vacay in Cancun or something?? Otherwise it makes no sense to me 🤷‍♀️

[@TheSharmam]

@@ariella1357 we went to Hawaaii on Christmas and it was not 8k!! haha

[@13ikea]

10:49 Her parents must be richhhhhhh

[@LabradorsAreGoodDogs]

If she has siblings, I hope her parents treat them equally. It's horrible to be the sibling that makes good decisions, watching your parents throwing money at your irresponsible sibling.

[@CAGChannel1]

@@LabradorsAreGoodDogsparents can do whatever they want. Why would each sibling know? It isn’t the kids money.

[@twlight9000]

@@CAGChannel1 sounds like you're the kid getting thrown money your siblings aren't getting lmao

[@CAGChannel1]

@@twlight9000 nope, the old lady whose parents had nothing. No,siblings made it to mid adulthood :(. Would do anything to have them

[@erikaawesome6320]

Gotta be 😩😂

[@jeyre5996]

It would be interesting to see Ramit counsel an engaged couple to see if they're aligned on money before getting married.

[@AModernRogue]

You could buy an entire new house for 550k in Connecticut

[@dennisshea9540]

They should downsize the house. Use the equity to get out of the heloc . The house is the key to all of their disaster

[@topseekrit]

They're acting like kids and hoping Ramit would tell them exactly what to do. I like the idea of guests having to read the book to get on the show.

[@daniel-ruiz]

If they are reading the comments: instead of only putting half toward repaying it, another route with the HELOC is to stop making ANY additional payment for a few months to build up an emergency fund, and then switch back to throwing it at the HELOC

[@contournut5726]

Definitely appreciated this one, there's a lot going on in this episode. Always appreciate the ones where there's a serious problem to work through. Also appreciate how you avoided getting into some of the topics that we might like to hear about, but which would derail instantly (homeopathy, the cost of their reno).

[@lfhooper1996]

Did I miss somthing, why are they sending $542 a month on homeopathy?

[@mo1482]

They didn't address it. Or at least the edited version didn't.

[@songa1662]

Expensive water is a necessity, apparently

[@sherriebreese3524]

It might be her home based business. Perhaps MLM.

[@TheSharmam]

@@sherriebreese3524 if it was MLM, it should have been addressed as Netflix show had a big segment dedicated to it

[@stephaniemejia4324]

Where Can my husband get a teaching job with a match like that?? WOWZA!

[@kelly4618]

My mom has used variable income as an excuse to overspending since I was born!!! I guess these people have never heard of averages.

[@jakethis3355]

My wedding was $3000. Still unhappily married to this day (10 years later).

[@Capycorg]

Lol, best comment, so tired of people bragging about their affordable wedding.

[@AdanaScipio]

I felt really happy hearing their follow up. They took what you said to them and really applied it! Thanks for sharing Kate and Drew! All the best!

[@ManagingFI]

I think Ramit needs a reality check himself in what is a dire financial situation. This is far from dire. His level of frustration was surprising. This couple doesn’t need big changes. There’s work to be done to get them both aligned on a vision and financial plan. There’s social security or a pension for him as a teacher and she’ll get a spousal benefit. That’s another $30-40k a year. Nobody needs to replicate their paycheck in retirement, they need to cover their expenses.

[@vgmijpn8ball]

Wow, very frustrating to listen to, must have been very hard for you to listen for 4 hours with no progress. You're rarely so blunt as you were in the end, it sounds like that's actually what they needed. Sounds like they are taking steps, hopefully they can get their systems in place before she goes back to work so they don't just end up in the same place

[@apt4dstrxn]

1:02:42 Ramit goes full Indian dad

[@boisabidoreen2351]

15 minutes in and I might have a panic attack myself!!

[@deirdrekiely6187]

Ramit is yelling a lot today. Please dont be like Caleb.

[@twlight9000]

This is definitely not Caleb energy - more like Ramit is thinking they're not going to make serious changes, like how he explains at @1:12:00

[@bradkramer838]

The common denominator with this podcast is that couples with good incomes that are behind the curve are making unthoughtful and rash decisions, then burying their heads in the sand. It happens at all income levels, but with a high income you have a bigger shovel to dig yourself out once you acknowledge the mistake(s). This couple will be fine if they spend the next 10 years staying on the right track, but it will require a lifestyle readjustment.

[@KG-oe8oo]

Drew, take over the finances - it will be painful but you will be SO much better off and it will be LESS painful than having Kate continue to dig you into a hole you can't dig out of.

[@twlight9000]

Well the point is that they become unified, shifting to 100% Drew is not the solution, its creating a new problem

[@iluvmakeup8701]

So I do that for my adult kids and my parents did the same for me when I was a young adult. I don’t help them pay the bills and they don’t ask for help. I like being able to share experiences with them that they otherwise wouldn’t be able to afford. I also helped my two oldest with down payments on their house. My kids (5) are all adults and “off the family payroll”, but aren’t in a spot where they can afford to go on all the same trips I am able to afford. Typically that means I cover lodging, but not the whole thing. I don’t see anything wrong with that.

[@CAGChannel1]

Bravo!! Love this for you and them

[@mo1482]

I have been on multiple family trips that my family has at least contributed to. I don't see anything wrong with that specific example she gave. She's leaving out the $100k for a house example when that's what she should have been focusing on! Definitely not the same thing.

[@pairofdragonflywings]

38:45 is a fantastic idea for a financial podcast if you know a kid that's funancially inclined. That sounds amazing as, like, a once a month special edition since kids can be so blunt and straightforward. I wonder if anyone has done that before? And i wonder if there are ethics considerations around involving a child in other people's finances. Would they be considerate enough not to spread rumors and judgment about the interviewees to their peers?

[@TrappedQue]

Having over $800k in net worth is NOT bad at all. How many people can have that. You guys are doing great…keep doing what you are doing.

[@viviena5013]

my dear American friends, Please explain this to me. 8.000 USD spent on one Christmas. Is this a normal thing to do? Especially with this amount of debt? Thank you, Your friend from eastern Europe

[@Olesiaro]

Second this

[@Kevin.Grindel]

Not usual for my family but obviously possible for others. Perhaps if we traveled or gave “experiences” it could get expensive. Our Christmas” are not cheap. We give fruit baskets to extended family and friends and have 3 children that receive gifts with the mantra something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read and a stocking from Santa and we don’t spend 1/4 of that.

[@19katsandcounting]

Not at all. We do spend more on average than other countries, but $8,000 is mental illness, unless you’re wealthy of course.

[@kdonor]

No , that's a lot for any discretionary spending! I think a few hundred dollars is more common.

[@janaynmelis5250]

No, it's not normal at all. I've barely spent $200 for Christmas and that's including all food and gifts.

[@spencer34716]

Serious question: is there anyone on KZbin who works with people not in the top 5% of income earners (Ramit) and not 20-something addicts/OF people (Caleb Hammer)? Looking for advice for my kids and Dave Ramsey no longer applies to real life.

[@jochenkraus7016]

I think Caleb with a guest that fits, not all of them. Until your last sentence I thought about DR but his shorter videos sound a bit like one size fits all after a while (get an old car, sell stuff, pay off debt, next please). With "real life" do you mean the 1000$? I think the actual sum here is less important than being able to save and anticipate some of the "emergencies" to not empty it every two months.

[@kemi1486]

Romain Faure here on KZbin is perfect for the middle ground you’re seeking.

[@anikawright5879]

I agree with the comment on Romain Faure. I think the perfect middle ground.

[@rhondavigil795]

The Money Guy Show

[@ashleywong3001]

YNAB has some great podcasts - Budget Nerds sounds like a great fit for you.

[@TMKJG24]

They were ripped off during that renovation process i bet my whole soul on it should have cost no more than 100-150k i said to myself they could've bought a brand new house for that much

[@ellens.stolar5401]

500/month on HOMEOPATHY!?!?!

[@KG-oe8oo]

but the kid can't have extra fries.

[@twlight9000]

Want to bet that a chunk of the 3 hours that didn't make the air included some kind of discussion around it 😂

[@Snorbuckle]

don't they know that the less they spend on it, the more effective it will be??

[@SirSpencerth]

In this episode, you suggested they should think monthly and not annually. In an earlier episode, you really emphasized that the couple should think annually and not monthly. I've found the annual mindset to be tremendously helpful in planning our yearly spend/save/invest. Monthly helps our budget. What's the difference here? Is it that their specific problem was at the monthly spend level? And the other couple needed to think longer term for their specific challenge?