“I make $450,000 on YouTube. My husband is ashamed he can’t match my success”

[@ramitsethi]

0:00 Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

[@Indy4Cookie]

hey ramit and team, there’s spam replies on all the comments here. might be worth looking at the filtering for comments.

[@PreciousKofi]

Hi Ramit, I enjoy how you hold a compassionate space for everyone you speak with. And yes I’d be open to sharing about my finances.

[@johneng8060]

Stop cussing please.

[@WolvesinFrance]

Does anyone have the link to Kirstys youtube channel as I woukd like to subscribe?

[@AskWelmoed]

@@WolvesinFrancefound it I think: Kristy Partridge Art

[@lorihaya2021]

After 45 years of marriage and paying for all the bills … I didn’t realize how much love, respect, and family love my husband brought to the table until he suddenly passed. I knew he brought more to the marriage than me struggling to support us but I wish I thanked him more for all the joy he brought us. We all miss him so much.

[@mandasusan]

As a stay at home mom, this makes me sad. My value in the home raising our children is extremely valued by myself and my husband. We share our successes. Neither one of us would be able to succeed without the other. ❤

[@YOMTVRAPS93]

Exactly

[@chanellynel]

​@joanarc7963no she should have married a ma with more so that she doesn't grow resentful for making herself small to accommodate his insecurities

[@DiamondsandRust]

I felt the same when my lovely husband suddenly passed. I believes he hears me say it now.

[@sugahoney89]

​@@sparingharbor2600 we are not in an equal world and never will be. Let me know when a man can give birth.

[@IQLion]

My mom went through something similar and it does not necessarily have anything to do with gender roles. It's the question of self worth. Sure, this is an issue of how society makes us feel about working, raising kids, running a business, etc. However, I truly believe this goes well beyond gender norms. As kids, we get allowance for helping with the chores or doing well in school. However, that quickly changes once we become adults. We realize that there is little to no value in doing the dishes, moving the lawn, or any household tasks. Raising kids becomes one of those chores that every parent does. I'm not saying that it's right, just pointing out that the society pressures us that we must be able to do all of that, while also prove our worth by bringing in an income. I'm sure Darby is not saying this because he's petty about his wife, but because he feels that what he does is simply not enough to prove himself. He needs something that he can show for. This is exacerbated by the fact that his wife is a high income earner, which makes him feel like what he is worth is not even a fraction of what Kirsty is worth. I see a couple ways for them to proceed, especially since they are both KZbinrs. One way is for Darby to embrace his Wife's job and become a part of what she does (perhaps by taking a job behind the scenes that would have measurable effect on what she does). The other way, is to take a few hours a week to work on a passion project of his. It can be an Etsy store, a hobby, or even a part-time job he enjoys. Logically, this would probably make very little money, or may even lose money, but in my opinion, self-worth is a part of rich life and for some people having a measurable amount of success is just as enjoable as going to a Spa or a nice restaurant. It's the sense of pride in what you do and it's something that's difficult to replace.

[@amandaolson7159]

I was so inspired by Kirsty's success in this episode and immediately pushed myself to finally get my product shop launched yesterday. It's been in progress, but yesterday I pushed through to get it live.

[@inarapatton1749]

Wishing you much success! So proud of you!!

[@chellybaby]

that's amazing!!! best of luck to youuu

[@factorfitness3713]

Being live is better than any plan!

[@tpeopleway]

Amazing Amanda!

[@supkirsten]

Yayyyy great job!

[@lizziesheehan7236]

I love how Kirsty and Darby interacted and how non-defensive they were. They truly want to learn how to move forward. I admire them both.

[@yasminogbu8929]

Yer true ! Very impressive. When two people want the relationship it’s makes it 10 times easier

[@IAmebAdger]

@joanarc7963 You are right that he does feel insecure and has a burning desire to add value, not necessarily as a man (I didn't get the sense that he's trapped by traditional gender roles as he's pretty stoked about his wife's success), but as an individual.

[@Elizabeth58886]

I love that Kirsty and Darby naturally spoke directly to each other throughout this video. Not once did Ramit have to prompt them to address each other directly, as he does with so many other couples. This couple was so sweet together - so refreshing. 😊 Thank you, Darby and Kirsty for doing this call!

[@vivianw2596]

Kirsty’s KZbin channel is successful because it aligns with her skills and passion. Darby’s KZbin channel is for self help, and yet, it’s clear from this interview that he isn’t living it himself. 😢 Does he have a niche interest? Start there. It needs to be authentic. Not everyone is cut out for KZbin. There’s nothing wrong with getting a “regular job” and working your way up like most people do. I think the fact that Kirsty experienced monumental success with KZbin has actually created unrealistic expectations in him. The reality is that she is successful because she is talented, works hard and consistently puts out content. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Taking care of kids is hard - and harder if you wished you were doing something else. Hire a nanny a few times a week, and put the time into therapy, seeing a life coach, and putting a plan into action.

[@kingstonstreet3726]

What’s name of her channel her husband name?

[@MarshaMinus100]

@@kingstonstreet3726 @KirstyPartridgeArt

[@raphaelfa9737]

So well said!! 💜

[@angelapate328]

What is his channel?

[@annieemanniee]

Facts upon facts upon facts.. if he doesn't do some internal work. They're heading for a very very unhealthy relationship

[@karenh.192]

“Until you see your finances as a team, you will forever be drifting apart 1 degree at a time.” This spoke to me … a recovering ambitious wife that worked through vacations because I found my identity in how much I made. My husband made me see how fragile our marriage was and how far we had drifted apart because of my ambition. I am still finding that balance between ambition and contentment, but in a far better place in our marriage. ❤

[@natashadickson4819]

Best wishes ❤️

[@LuxuryCoastalLivingFL]

Yes!!!

[@jademartin59]

This is the most amazing comment I’ve seen about this particular topic so far. Thank You.

[@TheKayleeanna]

It's not your "ambition" love... It was your work-life BALANCE that drifted you apart. If you don't follow through on your ambitions you'll grow to resent him. So make sure you figure out how to stay ambitious but work smart & balanced. 🤗

[@fibbs6533]

One of the best things he could do would be learning to manage their money and investments. That would be a big contribution to their partnership.

[@sometimeslifehandsyouapple1085]

This. Investment and management alone of the amount of money they are bringing in could be a full time job and any money made from investments is essentially what he would contribute and it could be alot if he was good at it

[@supkirsten]

I had that same thought…

[@sharndawg007]

He’s actually punishing her because he’s jealous! Saying that HE doesn’t deserve to go but she does, but then he knows she won’t go alone, so she misses out! I think her anxiety about losing the money is tied in with her husband’s anxiety AND he is also blocking their communication about money. She is so sweet and patient!

[@vali4034]

I think she should hire the help she needs with the money she has and even support him on his path to success instead of using him to give her the support she needs to attain her success. If they both attained success they would be a power couple. Instead he’s withering in her shadow.

[@lowlowseesee]

eh maybe. their communication is a bit too advanced for me to believe he is punishing her intentionally at least. I'm in the field of DV which includes punishments that are not violent and often times financially driven. he doesn't seem to have the entitlement necessary to be an abuser. that said these abusers hide themselves well so I cant give the 100 percent co-sign lol

[@metasploitness1927]

Project more

[@jasminepgreen1111]

Whew this was so hard to watch. I hope he realizes soon that’s he’s holding her back & stunting the growth they both could be experiencing.

[@IAmebAdger]

Watch to the end, he realises.

[@ldrum2116]

If my wife had an income like that I would gladly support her in anyway I could, because we are a team no matter who is the bread winner.

[@sirrus3009]

The thing is women dont see it the way men see it

[@Alexchii]

​@@sirrus3009All women are exactly alike, right?

[@sirrus3009]

@@Alexchii most women

[@sugahoney89]

​@@startingtech3900 no. If I made that much, as long as he supported me, sure. But he would need to make his own money and pay for our dates. This guy earns zero money! He needs to earn his own keep...especially if I am to have his kids and be the breadwinner. That's too much on any woman's load.

[@keorata3313]

​@@startingtech3900It's just that ALL men start to feel insecure when the woman makes more, and they start causing problems in the relationship.

[@barbaratozzano6364]

Darby needs to consider how he would feel if their rolls were reversed. If he were earning $450,000 + a year and his wife were raising the kids and supporting him, would he feel like she didn't deserve the spa trip?

[@jaydencparker4968]

I was thinking the same. I understand his overall goals and totally empathize there. But if roles were reversed I bet he’d see things differently when it comes to the spa trip or those types of things.

[@icawn]

He did around 26:15

[@ripplerfx]

No because men and women play different roles and are neurologically wired differently

[@DmitriPisarev]

I guess that depends on how you were raised. I provide for the family and my wife looks after the kids, but I cannot imagine having the roles reversed. I'm happy for the people who are ready for it, but I can't just re-wire myself based on some current agenda.

[@astuceimpotsfinancetvunequ63]

​@@DmitriPisarevthat rude. If you lose your job and your wife start make a lot of money what will happen then? 😅😅😅😅

[@LedgerAndLace]

I think Darby discounts his contribution because he's measuring it in monetary terms. He said, "Everyone does that" when talking about taking care of their children. NO THEY DON'T. Advice columns and therapist's offices are full of fathers who resent "babysitting" their own children or doing anything to maintain and run a household. Also, rest and relaxation are necessities for our health and well-being. In our Western "hustle" culture, we have been conditioned to think that rest has to be earned in order for us to deserve it. Unless we're "successful" we need to keep working until we're worthy. You're already worthy and deserving.

[@artisticagi]

Yes, and learned incompetence. They pretend they don’t know how to clean or do laundry. So that makes women do more of the housework, even if she makes more. There’s a study out there somewhere

[@gaurinawathe6856]

So true. And the amount of mental load that he's taking off her shoulders! That's extremely precious too.

[@ecclairmayo4153]

They dont believe all this unpaid LABOR is work.

[@tarat26]

Bless him. It's incredibly hard, tiring and exhausting bringing up one child under 3, never mind two kids. I am a 'stay at home mum' with a little one. When you look into how much childcare costs per week /year it's a lot of money financially and you're not teaching them your values or spending that quality time with them which is priceless. My partner often mentions that he's the only one earning, so I tell him to either stay at home and look after our son and look after the jobs etc or pay for childcare which costs x amount. I remind him that's how much theoretically I am earning, without me doing this, he wouldn't be able to do whatever he wants whenever he wants or go to work. She could offer to pay for childcare for a bit to give him time to do his own work etc. She didn't need to add the term "sole" provider.

[@johnesposito4197]

I tried to respond to your comment, but you pretty much said it all. They are a strong couple and with lots of love and understanding. I listened to this first in the car and just wanted to see them in action, so I’m now watching it. What I wondered, is why doesn’t he consider just helping her more with in her work? He put too much pressure on himself.

[@artisticagi]

They are such a great couple. No bitterness, anger, impatience or contempt. Just understanding and a mutual goal to reach a resolution. They are so brave to put themselves out there and be judged by the whole world potentially. (Well here I go) I think the husband might also need to examine his feelings of worthiness, he might have a core belief that is blocking him from being able to progress with KZbin or anything else. In addition to all of the great advise shared here also. If I made more than my husband tho I’d rather have one like him than the type who is comfortable spending all the money and doesn’t feel the need to contribute. I would find two things to do (spa and car) and work towards feeling ok doing them. Or have him pay for part of it, even if it’s just a small part.

[@kylemacdougall8355]

Why is that when a woman feels insecure or ashamed (about her body, for instance), we blame society for sending messages that tell her she's not enough...but when a man feels insecure or ashamed, we say it's his own fault? As if men don't also experience societal pressures telling them they're worthless unless they have X, Y, and Z.

[@jelemil]

Of course its societal conditioning. But its 2 prople in the relationship and up to them as indivifuals to resolve the issue. Just as if a womans constant insecurity was wearing away at the marriage.

[@jelemil]

If you feel that insecure men are less suppourted in society which i would agree is true. Its up to men to create environments which suppourt men in facing their vulnerabilities and healing that part of themselves. Women can encourage men but if they dont feel they have the respect of other men its often fruitless.

[@kylemacdougall8355]

I agree that it's the couple's responsibility to manage or resolve an issue that's causing relationship troubles. (Responsibility and fault are two different things. If I was molested as a child, that wasn't my fault, but my recovery and what I do with the rest of my life is still my responsibility. No one can take that responsibility in my stead.) But I also think the likelihood of successfully dealing with those relationship problems is much greater if the insecure partner isn't being blamed for having feelings that they probably don't have much control over. That's why it matters where we place the blame and how much of it we decide to give out.

[@1_ATA]

He doesn’t value domestic work. He’s jealous of his wife which is why he’s not able to see that they are a team. KZbin probably isn’t even his passion, he just wants to prove to himself that if his wife could do it, then he can do it too.

[@gerardo9052]

Maybe if she always share the money he would not be resentful

[@JustAGrl007]

12 minutes in…sounds about right! He needs to find his passion.

[@Amda33]

I can’t stand this husband. He just can’t seem to appreciate and be happy + grateful for the wife’s success and contribution to their family. He is always potraying himself like a victim

[@dieudonneenooitmeer4653]

​@gerardo9052 he still would, because his issues is that he doesn't feel accomplished.

[@mizzmolly7649]

That's why you see a lot of couples divorce after the wife has become popular and has gained wealth off KZbin.

[@JohnDoe-jq1br]

John Lennon quote: "When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life." 🙂

[@supkirsten]

I love John Lennon. A tragic loss to the world the day he was taken from us…

[@lowlowseesee]

John Lennon quote from Playboy "It is a diary form of writing. All that 'I used to be cruel to my woman, I beat her and kept her apart from the things that she loved' was me. I used to be cruel to my woman, and physically... any woman. I was a hitter. I couldn't express myself and I hit. I fought men and I hit women. That is why I am always on about peace, you see. It is the most violent people who go for love and peace. Everything's the opposite. But I sincerely believe in love and peace. I am a violent man who has learned not to be violent and regrets his violence. I will have to be a lot older before I can face in public how I treated women as a youngster."

[@lindseyjanies1791]

Throughout 90% of watching this episode: I feel so very sorry for Kirsty. She's absolutely got some serious patience. A saint of a wife. She is HONESTLY the only one seeing and fighting for their marriage. But then at the end: SO MUCH PROGRESS!! Wow. Incredible. I'm so very happy for them. Going from "OMG when will this episode end?" to "DAMN that was a massive shift I didn't think was going to be possible so quickly." Amazing job, Ramit!!

[@mamalovesthebeach437]

How I thought BEFORE I listened to the end.Darby would happily take a new Tesla because he says it’s “for the kids, for his wife, it’s practical, it’s useful”. I don’t buy it. My sense is that he’s not that excited about going to a spa. He has no problem eating at a Michelin star restaurant. Darby needs to get 100% honest with himself. They should be seeing a good couples counselor to break through his resistance. The way they intend AFTER listening all the way to the end: WOW!! Fabulous coaching AND Darby’s turn around and they agreement/plan is fabulous! 👏🏻I can’t wait to hear how they are doing in 6 months!

[@thatgearguy]

If his YT channel isnt working, why not pivot? Make a channel about being a house husband whose wife is a big earner? That would be niche (which you need to be these days) and you have endless content because you are living it. You could discuss your feelings on the channel which viewers love and give tips and tricks on household running from a male perspective. The household space is heavily populated by female youtubers so you would have good traction there. In the meantime understand that running the house and being an at home Dad is a very tough job which allows your wife to focus on earning. You are both working hard to achieve the money so you should both feel fine about sharing/spending it. Lovely couple. Wishing you the best of luck.

[@lowlowseesee]

pride. as soon as i typed that he said 'im a very proud person'. me personally i have never uttered the phrase because im healthy and im proud of myself enough to not have to proclaim it lol

[@ruthreddick8369]

I loved their connection, and the level of respect and kindness they showed to each other! This was a tough conversation for both of them to share! Well done!

[@rebecca7410]

Great interview. I hear their West Country accents (being from there also as a UK West Country girl- so lovely to hear/see)! If Darby had videos about the life of a stay at home dad and everything that involved I think that would be very interesting. As a couple, they do encapsulate a modern set up/gender role reversal that was never the norm but is perhaps becoming more common. I find that fascinating. I would definitely watch videos that reflect this dynamic and his experiences as a father and husband in this world! Even more so if Darby has some life hacks to share that he's acquired. I hope they are able to adjust to their new life as they are clearly such lovely people and deserve much happiness

[@vivivavavoom_]

This!!!

[@tyrymanuel]

He could be the Dude Dad of the UK!!!

[@Flare6]

I understand Darby’s desire to feel accomplished. However , the most valuable things in life aren’t “earned”. Hopefully Darby will grow to understand this.

[@Flare6]

I’m glad that they discussed goal setting and milestones for Darby’s KZbin channel. Hopefully, he can lean into what Kirsty suggests, as she has the evidence of success that reflect that she knows a thing or to about being successful on the platform.

[@Flare6]

I too can grow to be more decisive. I got a lot out of this episode. Glad I tuned in!

[@RachelLondon]

Respect is earned. Trust is earned. Loyalty is earned. A degree is earned. Pretty valuable to me.

[@patsym3679]

Thank you Darby and Kirsty for being vulnerable and allowing us to see ourselves in you both! So many lessons to learn from this show! Great show! Rooting for you both....

[@AqueshaDru]

Darby has absolutely NO IDEA what he wants in life! Absolutely no idea! It is beyond painful to watch your partner sink into depression because he has not found his purpose in life. She has found her calling in art and she has turned it into her livelihood. He has not. He will ultimately sink this relationship if he doesn't learn to value what he has. He only wants a KZbin channel because she has one. He has no idea of the metrics / how many views he needs to get the $1000 he claims he'll be happy making per month. Smh He's subconsciously jealous of her success and is depriving her of celebrating that success as a COUPLE. Darby needs some serious therapy. He's incredibly insecure because he isn't earning and he has no idea what his "thing" is. They need to start putting some money aside in a trust fund for the kids, start paying each other a salary, get a financial advisor, set out a clear plan for investing and their rich life. Otherwise, Kirsty needs to start putting money aside for a divorce because Darby's unfulfillment, invisible scripts and poor money mindset will sink the whole ship if he doesn't shift his mindset. Smh.

[@Tessy29k]

100%

[@t.f.6297]

This 👆 this 💯

[@mytravls]

Is a divorcing unemployed spouse entitled of the funds from a retirement account?

[@sarasjegersart]

You are talking to a real person. I think this is a mean comment.

[@suzanneemerson2625]

Wow! Nasty comment!!! Sorry for you.

[@hamzazafar]

At 35:35 - the guy acknowledges that it's her money, and not theirs even though they're married. The girl didn't say no it's OUR money because we're married and I think the guy feels that and that's where the everything frustrating about finances stem from

[@NVgen]

Yes, and I think it is common to feel this way in relationships where there is a wide income gap; the person making less money feels insecure about their ability to provide for themselves, and potentially, uncomfortable about asking their partner to spend money on them. I'm sure gender roles and societal expectations play a role for him as well.

[@monkeyloven]

NEVER feel bad about being with your kids and raising them. They matter THE MOST.

[@IMBLESSED-oe6dl]

May be its a cultural thing

[@vgmijpn8ball]

Thanks for another great episode. My favorite part was when you told him you saw parts of your younger self in him (me too). I was amazed how you identified how they spend a lot of time talking/thinking with no action, and how well they responded. Also loved how you used gratitude in your example of how he might think of visiting a spa. It was very interesting how he puts limits on his own happiness and the power of his invisible scripts. Married to an amazing woman, two healthy kids, plenty of money, a nice house, an 80k car coming... he should be dancing in the streets!

[@greenwallscapes]

I am yelling at the screen - HELP HER!! She's got something that works and you have children. Help her with the kids so that she can keep growing. Research how to make $50K off the money that she has and find an investment tools that you guys can make more money off the cash she has (she mentioned that in passing!). It's a FAMILY business - support her!!!! Some times you will be the star, sometimes she will be. That is how marriage works for a long time. You guys have the benefits of time. Help her build her money so that you guys can crush it for a long time and go to all the spas you want!!! My husband and I have 3 businesses (we used to have 4 and sold one). There were times when he was doing better and there are times when I do better, but the most important thing is to think of yourself as a unit and that your contribution is also making sure the house runs and everyone is fed to be able to create. Your time will come!

[@maryyu4010]

Loved hearing how Darby took in your advice on setting the more short term goals for himself and that they both saw that they are a team in all this and set their financial plan accordingly! They are so young and off to a great start in their lives and career!

[@Stealth17Gaming]

This episode hit home for me and I quite figure out why. I live off of my KZbin channel and generate enough revenue from it to live quite comfortably. Still, it somehow doesn't feel "like a real job" and like Kirsty I'm wondering when it will all go south and crumble. I get comments almost daily that people really look forward to my next video (I post daily) and that it's a stable point in their sometimes erratic life. And yet, I can't quite silence that "get a real job with a real income" voice.

[@ericac5807]

I just followed you. She makes enough to be able to allow him to focus on his stuff but if she didn’t make the money he would have to get a job so maybe he needs to consider it so he can feel good about his contribution. He should also consider therapy.

[@natashadickson4819]

Congratulations on having a successful channel. Many people lost their "real" jobs during the recent tech sector layoffs but you are self employed. 🙂

[@Stealth17Gaming]

@@natashadickson4819 Thank you. Appreciate it :)

[@scholaroftheworldalternatehist]

Just pick up a flexible job as well if you are worried. That way you have something to fall back on and something to put on resume as well.

[@Stealth17Gaming]

@@scholaroftheworldalternatehist I can't do that

[@cliffordl.4022]

I loved this episode. I think it is admirable that Darby wants to contribute more. Most people in their twenties struggle to find a way to self-fulfillment and financial security. Don't give up on yourself Darby. KZbin is just one way to make money. Kirsty's success is giving you the freedom to find your footing. All the best to both of you!

[@123meyca]

Yes this part! Now he can figure out what he enjoys and loves and NOT stress about the financial aspect. They have it, he needs to find what he loves. For me its finance and accounting ❤️🙏 currently binge watching these videos while doing college work. Graduate of 2024🎉

[@SarahStar00]

I think it’s natural for a man in a marriage to feel responsible in some way financially for the family. I think it’s wonderful he has goals of success on KZbin and I know he will get there! I was also glad they went over a plan for being successful and a timeline for that and looking at doing something else in case that’s needed. Really good episode. At the same time, I wish he would let his rules go and embrace being a unit and enjoying the income they have.

[@kathyj3459]

It feels like Darby is punishing his partner for her success, because of his own insecurities. It’s unfair and seems passive aggressive.

[@ladonwilliams1333]

Wow, this was so awkward. It may be a blessing that she is the higher earner rather than the roles potentially being reversed. Doesn’t sound like he places a lot of value on the 24/7 role of being a parent and managing a household…in addition to all the stipulations he places on the level enjoyment/relaxation allowed for the person in this position. I hope he finds some peace and gratitude for the fact he has a partner that doesn’t berate him for his success level, yet simply wants to share theirs.

[@brandfactorymedia]

He’s definitely punishing her and it’s going to drive her crazy if he doesn’t get his emotions together. She needs to hire him or something.

[@gerardo9052]

​@@brandfactorymedia do they have children?

[@genniepoon2189]

Totally agree and so many excuses thrown in to diverge from the real problem

[@brandfactorymedia]

@@gerardo9052 Yes

[@GMizza]

What a lovely couple. I get where he's coming from, but you've already won brother. I didn't think couples like this still existed in this day and age.

[@bridgeoverwaters]

1:15:20 I honestly think that the guy isn’t too sure of what he wants to do. The comparison is what’s also killing his confidence.

[@methenybestfan]

This was such a powerful episode and a great couple. I am so impressed by their patience and communication This is a couple with a growth mindset and not just financial growth A lot of people are criticizing Darby, but he is ydidn't I initially didn't appreciate how Ramit discounts this feeling or the scarcity mindset he was operating under but he really changed Darby's ways of seeing things when he made them role play at 00:50:55 All to say, bravo to this couple for how they handle this. And it was great to hear the follow-up at the end

[@christopher5855]

4 min into the vid and was already thinking that they need therapy or at least he does. The fact that one partner makes so much more money opens up opportunities for the couple.

[@Adman-p4j]

Her success is his success. They work together. I would never let pride to get in the way of my enjoyment of life and my partners success. I'm sure he supports her in MANY ways.

[@katie8325]

Feel sorry for Kirsty that she can’t reap the benefits of her success because of an envious man. He needs to start working a job outside the home if it bothers him that much.

[@historypolitics108]

Darby said something about wanting to make even 50 grand per year within the next 5 to 10 years. If he spent 5 to 10 years focusing on the business with his wife he could surely help increase that $450k annually into much more than another $50k.

[@aprilstiek7430]

Is he punishing himself for not “succeeding” on a platform which is based on validation by other people? I feel like people reject the needy energy of that dynamic. I think he should set small successes in doing something he loves to do instead of only loving success. As well as changing the mindset that he can only love himself and reward himself if he reaches a self imposed level of success. Instead maybe he could reward himself with loving self talk for working hard and feel fulfilled by doing things he feels passionate about regardless of the attention he receives from the public. He’s very lucky to have that luxury of time and freedom from having to support the household. Great couple! Wish them all the best.

[@adeneo.g6456]

Your a woman right 🤔

[@Lynnys1]

The Tesla that he wants is okay but the spa that she wants to go to is not. Why do they have to live by HIS rules? He’s a child and needs to grow up or she will eventually leave him. Ultimately he just seems like a posh boy who had an easy life and now it’s all about him. Me, me, me. She seems lovely.

[@TerryCollinsP31Lifestyle]

I feel like they really are a team. Her success is because she has piece of mind knowing their children are taken care of a loved. Without his support, she can’t do that.

[@aangitano]

Exactly! I don’t understand why some people can’t understand that?

[@vulpixelful]

Darby, like most men, need to see the value they bring besides money. Running a household with kids is providing and very valuable. If it wasn't, people wouldn't pay for babysitters, chefs, housecleaners, mechanics, lawn care specialists, plumbers, etc. My heart broke a little when he said he wouldn't respect himself if he didn't make 100k by 35. Most _people_ won't have that much in a bank account. I'm sure to his wife and kids, him being around and helping to make their lives fantastic engenders feelings of respect and love ❤ He has the world right now, I really hope he comes to appreciate that.

[@adeneo.g6456]

Men can't live the way his living. Its a damage to his manhood and masculinity. Thats why he is struggling now and can't seem to accept the situation. All this therapy and talking doesn't do anything but delay the inevitable. Which is a divorce. She will soon realize that she has outgrown him, regardless of his stay at home dad role. The only solution he has is to dedicate his off time to a KZbin channel. Build a online store for a side buisness and get a concrete trade job outside of the house. Electrician, Powerlines men etc. Invest in diversified portfolio/ Mutual Fund and watch his money grow and create cash flow from real-estate within 5-10 years. He will feel fulfilled by keeping busy with all those projects. I would even recommend he start writing a book about his experience and target economic themes of our society with expectation. There's his purpose 🙏

[@alc6370]

@@adeneo.g6456Men can’t or they simply don’t want to?

[@TunisiaAli]

Its so unfortunate that we define our value as humans and our ability to contribute in terms of $$$. Darby doesn't realize he is being somewhat selfish though. He is denying his wife the excitement of celebrating her accomplishments and hiding behind his story. If he was really concerned about his masculinity and role as a provider, he would get a job AND still pursue KZbin. Im this way everyone could feel fulfilled. If he wants to feel like a provider, then provide. What is his answer-- to wait 10 years for his YT Channel to take off while he loses his wife???

[@Yaseen_Khaliq]

This goes deeper than money. The guys wants his own money so he doesn't feel dependent on his partner. This goes back centuries. If he doesnt make it they will get divorced the resentment will eat him up.

[@peach_tea6198]

Only if he doesn't get past himself and see that he is a great place. He actually can take some time to find out what he is good at and start building himself while at the same time having the support of his wife who seems very much about their home and relationship. In this day and age she is a keeper. Again, its about if he decides to grow or not. He's still young.

[@Yaseen_Khaliq]

@@peach_tea6198 yeah he is in a great place but sometimes that can take away the hunger. When that hunger dies it hard to get it back especially when you are comfortable. His wife had smashed he needs to find his own thing. Good luck to them both challenging times ahead . !

[@mikes4733]

This was a great episode, and a coaching masterclass from Ramit. Satisfyingly conclusion and it would be interesting to hear how they are doing in 1-2 years.

[@PerfectionHangover]

I absolutely love this couple! I can see why Darby would feel the way he feels, but I believe they can support each other and elevate to the next level. Darby obviously just hasn't found his niche that will take off yet on KZbin - however, it took Darby 5 years or so before her channel really took off, and the majority of her income is course sales. Find your niche, Darby! Hire an au pair or nanny to watch the kids, and get down to business!

[@brandonwilson5727]

Bring it on! If my wife made 450,000$ I’d totally be a stay at home dad 😂

[@yasminogbu8929]

😂😂

[@milhouse7145]

My brothers wife is a doctor so he stays home to take care of their 1 and 3 year old. Never been so proud of him, such a great dad.

[@fearless6868]

That a crazy things to say out loud let along leave a shameless publication like that. A man duty is to go out there and conquer the world. Also a woman is not design to provide for a man long terme I repeat long terme I ain't talking about few month when things may be complicated on your side am saying long term wise. No way any woman would be ok with it. She will lose respect for you and once the respect is gone her love his to bcs a girl has to respect you first in oder to love you. I cannot believe any real man is ok with stay home dad. Is this real life? No wonder why man aren't men anymore. He's gotta figure a way to make more money instead of complaining to his girl she would lose more attraction everytime he does. Men are too soft nowadays unbelievable .

[@brandonwilson5727]

@@fearless6868 You sound sexist. A women can be a stay at home mom but a guy can’t stay home? If both people are okay with it and they work as a team what’s the problem?

[@fearless6868]

@@brandonwilson5727 First of all the world we live in is built on sexism that is why we have two standards man and female in sports, military, benefits...etc. It also a reason why the phrase being a gentleman is a thing. So if you don't acknowledge that first and you wanna blindly live a bs equality things when you are still expected to protect and provide for your woman regardless of her income then you are lost. Let's recap, since there's differences btw both gender it simply means their roles are different. Am not saying don't take care of your child(aka your own blood) Am just saying understand your role as a man you're subject to provide and protect that your first mission.

[@natasham2799]

I really enjoyed listening to this conversation. This couple is incredibly eloquent and able to articulate their thoughts well. For Ramit - I'd love to see more 'international' conversations (aka not US), would be lovely to get different perspectives! Selfishly asking this as a fellow Brit. Thanks!

[@paulaooook]

Videos about being a stay at home dad is brilliant as someone else mentioned.

[@topseekrit]

The moment he said “I want what Kirsty has,” I knew it would be a mess. Hope he finds his own career and let’s go of the stay at home husband stigma. Nothing wrong with that when you have an amazing family.

[@Opo-D]

He’s very level headed and vulnerable. I hope he finds fulfillment too. I don’t think he’s jealous though, just unfulfilled as a man with deep rooted traditional gender roles. What I admire about him is that he’s not taking that un-fulfillment out n his wife, but rather on himself. Although that in turn hurts his wife still, sadly.

[@DerDudelino]

If you love each other, just enjoy the success and money together. Money really makes life easier - like we for example have someone cleaning the house every week, so none of us has to do that - that's a big luxury I can recommend to anyone. Because the whole "I clean, you don't" argument creates a lot of friction in a relationship. What money ultimate is it takes away all the stress from your life. Don't feel like cooking - go to a restaurant or order great foot to your home. You can enjoy your beautiful garden and it's totally fine when someone else takes care of the roses.

[@Mr_NB628]

He could probably start a travel, Vlog channel and just Vlog the trips that him and his wife go on, and then get sponsors

[@AnitaPuksic]

Respect to Kristy and Darby for their willingness to share about their financial life. Darby is an amazing provider, even Kristy is the main earner. He takes care of kids, supports Kristy and is working on his own ambitions. Hats off to Kristy for all the success at this young age and being an example, that you can get rich fast and not lose yourself. She is also clearly amazing as a partner, she seems very in her feminine energy and it is obvious she respects him and all that he provides as her partner and father to their kids. And their communication is also very good, they are trying to solve a problem together, and not accuse each other. Also respect to Ramit, for being excellent in role of a coach and consultant. Watching this was for me a coaching, consulting and therapy all in one. He even delivers tough love, without shaming anyone. That's the type of person I want to learn from. Subscribed.

[@christianheld9720]

“Until you see your finances as a team, you will forever be drifting apart 1 degree at a time.” Exactly. Plus ego and the wrong image that the man has to be the bread winner and must provide is at play here, for sure. And no not everyone would do such a great job in looking after ones kids. It sounds like Darby is deliberately putting himself down, but they're one and a team and it's their money.

[@aprilstiek7430]

I love this couple so much. Their hearts and level of communication are inspirational. ❤

[@rachelschwinghammer6916]

I have 5 kids, and this parent seems burnt out and will benefit from getting a job maybe a trade? I think some drastic changes need to happen. First hire a nanny or aue pair, then he can start pursuing a career. Second, BOTH pick out something they want to enjoy from the money. I totally agree Ramit about dreaming together. I really appreciate your candor and am learning a lot.

[@lolitanolita9107]

The restaurant or the car makes him happy, the spa would have made her happy. Maybe he should be more sensitive to her needs, also. It's hard also because society manipulates the way we view things.

[@abates3747]

I feel the only part that was probably missing was really doubling on the fact that he's a contributor. To focus on the things that they would not have in their lives without his specific time and attention.

[@abates3747]

@@natashadickson4819 , but they didn't really take the opportunity to explain the value of what he was currently doing for the family. Skipped across it quickly, but it really could have been the #1 topic in expressing the value.

[@StealthWealth2045]

Another great episode! I thought it was really interesting that Darby is sticking with KZbin as a means to earn money. I was hoping he would discuss why that was the ONLY track in his mind. I am sure he could get the 50K that he described as his benchmark through other means with the same skillset. I can also appreciate that many of us think this way in our 20s. I surpassed many of my goals I set for myself but the path that got me here was not the path I thought it would be. I am grateful for that. I hope Darby will be open to that as well

[@Miss207]

I have been following since she first started ❤❤❤❤ my art style improved thanks to her ❤❤❤❤

[@jotheskier6462]

Ramit's question at 14:28 was spot on! love this interview

[@StorytellingHeadshots]

Yes. I follow Kirsty’s channel and she gives exceptional value. She’s very good at what she does. Both the art and the instruction and her presence is very calming and lovely. I’m sorry that he feels competitive with her. He should just be proud of her and also realize that a confluence of events (the pandemic, starting the channel 8 years ago, etc) the you tube landscape is very different for people starting now. He really needs to find his own thing. Competing in the same field is a losing battle.

[@zigga96]

What is her channel called?

[@jessitabonita]

The elephant in the room is… GENDER ROLES. He obviously feels emasculated by not being the breadwinner.

[@kingdomfirst4541]

@jessitabonita if he cannot handle the gender role disparity then time to exit. However he could look to the positives and allow them both to thrive together and teach their children how you build wealth as a family!!

[@dr.baobao]

It'd be interesting to see the script flipped. If Darby was making $450k and his wife was home not earning but doing loads of work, and he wanted to bring them to a nice spa, would he say, "wait, you can't come because you didn't earn it"? I don't think so (and if he did, it'd be horrifying). Just shows how self-talk is often toxic and breaks down when examined under close scrutiny. Darby was exhausting to listen to. I'm convinced this guy is wasting some of the best years of his relationship because he is so committed to an inadequate definition of success.

[@Swanseaguy1979]

I personally think he should focus on family and helping out with his wife’s business as it’s already established more than his gaming channel is but either way, hope things work out for the couple.

[@cartierbutler8518]

As men we want to provide for our family. It is a innate ability and will never go away. I can understand and appreciate how Darby feels. He wants his own and wants to create a name and life for himself to share with his wife and his family. Ramit is spot on what he is asking. Changing his thought process is a must i can understand because I am currently changing mine and my view point.

[@yasminogbu8929]

I love the great questions you ask! True emotional intelligence. I personally think if KZbin isn’t working after 5 years* I think find something else. I know people who have kept moving industry's until they found the industry that opened up to them, it flowed. I personally think he is comparing himself to her. Unconsciously. Where everyone’s journey is different avoiding comparison is really important. I’ve been in relationships where competitiveness comes in. It’s horrible because you feel you can share your success with the person you love. ( I wish you would go on fresh & fit / red pill shows)

[@yagushka]

Love your channel. During 15 years of working as a banking adviser I’ve seen these scenarios but never had a chance to approach them from the angle of emotions but I find it fascinating ❤️

[@ivyclarke2643]

This is my favorite episode so far. I love how Ramiro spends time understanding the couple’s POV before he provides Darby with some short-term goals to make a decision about the potential of the KZbin business he’s been working on. He gave him a great way to assess moving forward or moving on to something else asap.

[@ivyclarke2643]

*Ramit (autocorrect error, sorry)

[@jackiehenry5799]

Darby definitely hard troubles facing the deadlines/milestones being set. In a way setting a deadline/milestones is like setting yourself up for potential failure. You either succeed on the milestone or you don't. Its scary, and I can understand why he would prefer to not commit to any deadlines/metrics because it's safe. It means he can keep trying on his own timeline, and not have to face completely changing his career goals. I would suggest one thing to Darby, put a line in the sand on the last go at becoming a KZbinr. Put everything you got into, and if it doesn't work, find a new approach or career. During change, its uncomfortable. However, after change, you get to setting into a new life you worked for and sometimes that life is actually enjoyable. You end up being grateful for putting yourself in a position of change. For example, I was miserable in my previous part-time role. I had made it a goal to get a full time job there, but after 6 months I had no deadline of when I will become full-time. I couldn't let go of the commitment to myself because that meant I failed. However, it took me admitting to the failure of my current role and deciding 'hey it's okay, not every door is unlocked. Lets try the next one'. I went to DevCons, met a company that looked promising, and made the jump into a completely new line of work. The beginning part of course was scary, but damn I am so grateful that I did it. Forgive yourself for failing on a goal, and push on the next one. Keep going.

[@vivivavavoom_]

Good point

[@crystalwilliamson8463]

It’s a blessing to be able to be present with your children! Don’t focus on what society says. Feel privileged to have the opportunity.

[@mariaisabelmedina7149]

This may be my favourite so far 👏🏼 i love this couple and Ramit’s private investigator’s questions are spot on 😅

[@VaninaConV]

This episode has been very inspiring to me, Ramit. I've been planning to create my KZbin channel for more than a year and I recently decided to do it. With your advises on how to face it I feel much more confident. I also loved watching this couple talk to each other in a such respectful and honest way. I wish them the best! I live in Europe and I often wonder how your money distribution schema would be here. Please let us know (Europeans following you) when you open a program for us ;)

[@ligiavalverde8335]

It’s so refreshing to see this couple how they communicate. I wish them luck

[@theallenfamilypensacolaflo8106]

To heck with this - i left my hubby at home and took my kids on an amazing vacay dropped $5k did all the dinner shows, let them buy anything they wanted. Im in a kind of similar situation…

[@IAmebAdger]

"Good enough right now is better than perfect maybe one day in the future." That is one valuable lesson, and not just in investing.

[@Sashique86]

Unreal that he married his childhood sweetheart, been together 11 years, has a house and 2 kids all before turning 30 and yet persists to compete with his wife's KZbin channel. I'm sorry mate but most people would rather watch a woman otherwise you need a confident, dynamic personality and/or incredibly intelligent & insightful. It's time to move on and a good idea to have a normal career in case KZbin takes a hit.

[@MesseJesse2]

he either needs to get over his pride or get a different job because they are headed toward imminent divorce and i wonder if they know how serious that is

[@espressojoe]

8 minutes in and I loooove this couple. Relationship goals. They seem super in touch with each other, and empathize with each other’s emotions. Lifting each other up without blowing smoke… Refreshing. Love it

[@MortgagesByBryan]

This is great to watch for everyone trying to build an online business, especially on KZbin! I've only started my youtube about 7 months ago and I can understand how Darby feels. I'm learning to look at the bigger picture

[@superxicanatravel]

Just checked out your channel & was very impressed by your content so I subscribed! Wishing you the best of luck!

[@BryanSumardi]

@@superxicanatravel thank you so much!

[@thegeordiesaver]

Really enjoyed this episode, as a UK viewer it was great to hear guests from the UK 👍

[@DianaRowanBrightWay]

Perhaps Darby has a position at Kirsty’s company but just hasn’t named it? Is he participating in the planning and execution of her business? If he had a title, perhaps he wouldn’t feel unsuccessful or that he’s not contributing.

[@vg1024]

you think if he worked for his wife he'd feel more masculine?

[@CherylWickham]

@@vg1024 I think that he could, if he felt he had a transferrable skill that he built his own business around. For example, if he was being the cinematographer and then started helping other KZbinrs. Right now, it sounds like he is depressed as a househusband. :(

[@brandfactorymedia]

Did he just say he’ll try the KZbin for another 10 years? He is out of his mind. 😂😂😂😂 Act like your wife makes zero!!!

[@moisemayali]

What I learned from this episod, is that desire something is one thing but articulate exactly what we want is a another thing.

[@NADA-ok2ce]

What a lovely self aware couple…an example to people fr one their age

[@PineappleHannah]

As an Irish person, it felt great to listen to a non-American based couple!

[@cindyconleyjones6422]

I would love to know Kristy’s business and her KZbin site! So happy for them both for so much success in their lives personally and professionally!

[@CherylWickham]

This seems to be hers: kzbin.info

[@lorrainemclean3914]

Darby being a dad, running a household and raising grounded children is a CEO job times 1000…..in fact a CEO couldnt hack it!! Be proud of that, ditch the need for validation. You ROCK….and have an amazing loving partner.

[@ryanmenezes3227]

It’s truly remarkable and courageous to see Darby and Kirsty open up about their lives, success, money psychology and partnerships.

[@maryyu4010]

Darby has a weird all or nothing approach to life. I hope he sees how much he is contributing to their marriage and overall family success by supporting Kirstie and taking the primary role in these current years in raising the kids. If his outlook doesn’t shift, I fear for their long term happiness…

[@wyattsage4582]

Really loving these interviews! It’s both eye opening and reassuring to see others having the same worries and obstacles that I run into while trying to live my rich life

[@michaelam713]

This was one of the most frustrating episodes for me to hear, but at the same time one of the best updates! Wish them the best

[@elwi1670]

This is a great episode but so sad to watch. This family has had incredible success and instead of being proud of his partner, Darby is making it clear to her that it's a problem for him and that her achievements are bringing him down. He wants her success only if it is less than his. How difficult it must be for Kirsty that the person should be cheering her on the most is actually resenting her success. It's incredibly selfish to turn what she has done and only view it as what he hasn't. It would make me worried to be tied to someone who clearly doesn't view contributions as "our money". What if she wants to take a break from her work at some point and stay home? Should she feel dirty to be "spoiled"? Also, it's absolutely fine for caring for the house and children to not be fulfilling or his end goal, but telling that he thinks the partner doing that doesn't "deserve" nice things. I make marginally more than my partner and it would be very difficult to feel that the only way for him to be comfortable is for me to be less and downplay what I've achieved. Instead, he celebrates every advancement and raise. They seem like a lovely couple and I hope being on the show sparks momentum for Darby to really dig up the root of these beliefs and see how hurtful it is to Kirsty for him to hold onto them. It will be important to model for their kids a healthy relationship where they support each other and the family shares successes and challenged. That men and women can both contribute in the home and at work and not pass on Darby's feeling of shame around it. Good luck to Darby and Kirsty!! Hope they are enjoying life together, with no reservations, in the near future!

[@vg1024]

when men share their feelings with authenticity what's it worth tearing them down for it?

[@MoementumFinance]

Another great episode Ramit! Your ability to ask insightful questions and coach your guests as they discuss their money challenges is remarkable. 🙂 As a KZbinr, I could very well relate to this episode. Good advice for Darby to set some concrete goals for his channel.

[@lindaroblesro-bless9620]

Darby, Kirsty is a queen, and you are her king! I have lived long enough to know that your life can be snuffed away from you at any time. Yo have definitely earned it as her lovely husband. She "sounds" like she is SO IN LOVE with you and your contributions to the family, so far------More is to come. I heard it said once, "your 50% is not going to look like their 50% Free yourself, and God will finance your journey. Do not deprive Kirsty of lovely memories with YOU! Her love stories with your grandchildren will never include money. Just your love. Stop trying to prove yourself to people who DONT MATTER, and LIVE!

[@flp376]

If i made 450k a year i would so tell my husband to retire and go fishing lol. That is more than we make together in 6 years working full-time.