Read Science! The Good Death Edition with Caitlin Doughty

[@AuntBessiesRecipies]

Caitlin is a fascinating person. I follow her KZbin channel regularly. Her content is priceless.

[@tbranch74]

As I watch this video, I am driving to my dads funeral during the holidays. He is my hero. I so wish I knew this info before he was cremated. I had a visitation with him at the funeral home and thought how much it would mean to me if we could have a old fashioned wake, where I could sit with him for as long as I needed. I DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE HIS SIDE! It tore me up driving past the funeral home knowing he was inside a cold space, alone, and that no family could be there during the cremation. I would have prepped his body and washed him. I would have done it all, if I knew I had a choice. He had donated his body to science, but they said due to his infection- whatever did him in- made his donation unacceptable. Sad. However, even though the visitation was only an hour, I did have a transformative experience with my stepmother, at the funeral home, which was about forgiveness and understanding between each other that took 26 years to come to a head- literally over his dead body- becuase seeing him lying there sparked a conversation with her which ended in hugs, tears, and forgiveness. Of course, the same could have happened anywhere his body was on display, it wasnt about the location.

[@conniemartinez3173]

I hope you are doing well, thank you for your thought provoking response.

[@kerrygoossens]

I hope you are doing well, and I am very happy that you did get the healing experience with your Stepmom. I, too, wish I had known ALL of this prior to both of my parents passing. However, I am at peace with what I did get with them as I cannot blame myself for NOT knowing this amazing information, since it is obvious that MOST Funeral professionals do not tell us. Good luck to you.

[@tbranch74]

Of all the deaths that I needed this, was his. I'm saddened I didn't find this early. But with this knowledge, I can help others to gain more closure if they need this too. Much respect!

[@matchbookmemo]

My husband died Nov 21 and was cremated the week after. I'm so grateful that somewhere along the way I learned that we could ask to have his body stay here for a bit (he was here 12 hours after he died and we washed, dressed, and stayed with him). I'm also so grateful that I learned we could view his cremation. I asked to see his body, though it was a week after he passed. He looked so beautiful. Much more natural and relaxed than a body in a casket. I said good bye and played my Native American flute, and stayed and continued to play while they moved him into the retort. The funeral director was in tears. He said "No one does that." I replied "No one knows they can." It wasn't scary or creepy - it was beautiful. I'm only telling you this so you can have reassurance that it truly is a meaningful thing to do for a loved one. I think it's something we should ALL know about and all learn to embrace. May you find comfort in sweet memories and may your dad rest in peace.

[@DonnaBrooks]

Gretchen Herrmann - Your comment brought tears to my eyes when I got to the part about him looking more natural and relaxed than a body in a casket, and about you playing your Native American flute as he was being moved into the cremation chamber. Beautiful. I'm glad I've discovered I have natural burial options for which I can plan before my death. I've wanted a natural burial in the woods since I first heard about a natural burial site in New Zealand years ago, and I'm sure more & more people will choose alternatives to modern funeral practices once they know they can. No casket or embalming for me! Now I need to decide on where and figure out how my wishes can be honored since I don't have family, except for cousins in another state whom I haven't seen in decades. IDK who to ask to make sure I have a natural burial. I'm hoping that a lot more people follow in Caitlin's footsteps and open alternative funeral homes that don't embalm, that don't try to exploit grieving people when making decisions, and that offer burial shrouds, natural & conservation burials, alkaline hydrolysis (aquamation) and other environmentally-friendly, lower cost alternatives. When such a practice comes to Columbus, then I can initiate a relationship with them and ask them to handle the arrangements.

[@JTSCORPIO30]

These books and videos are amazing

[@orangecouch]

I find it interesting and quite telling how uncomfortable Jeff was with the ideas the Caitlin presented about how the gender responses to death break down (around 36:00ish). You could see that Joanne was nodding along emphatically while he could not even look at the camera, had minute head shakes and then quipped about Freud and immediately changed the subject completely. Even very learned men still have so far to go when presented with such a small amount of the basic ideas that women live with all the time. I hope Jeff has the strength to look inside and challenge some of those mental walls. I enjoyed this conversation and look forward to checking out some more of your content.

[@scc6454]

I didn't see any of that.

[@ecouturehandmades5166]

Exactly! Women get patted on the head and ignored or called witches and/or dried up old crones. Pretty freaking tired of this.

[@artcmisx]

@Camelot House exactly! if you look throughout the whole video, he was not facing the camera at all. probably because his computer screen is not in line with the camera, and he is in fact making eye contact or at least looking at caitlin as she talks. we should stop cherry picking and isolating information. context always matters!

[@ashleyconnor8891]

I watched carefully, and I did not see anything like that either. I wonder if there is a ‘bias’ (not trying to be offensive, we all have biases)

[@MadCheshireHat]

There definitely was none of that. He spent 95-98% of the video looking away, I'm guessing at a different screen, and looked at the camera for this discussion. He nods, makes agreeing sounds, and says it's messed up. I think people should also look inside themselves when making such a judgment about others to ensure their own experiences and biases aren't interfering with reality.

[@karenhollywood3523]

⚰️ Hooked on Caitlin from "Ask A Mortician " on KZbin, then got into all three books, which were so fascinating , and educational... and funny! Smoke Gets In Your Eyes (read twice) and reading the other two again soon . I say "read" , but I use Audible ( so listened). 😂 It was perfect that she narrated her own books,because those stories as great as they were , just wouldn't have had the same impact and nuances of tone if read by someone else. Proud to be a " Deathling" (fan), and excited for what she's coming up with next! 💀

[@janelkuszewski3058]

At least the sawdust is natural 😂 but I like the natural burial on protected land in a shroud plan myself. Love ya Caitlin! Nice to meet you Jef and Joanne 😊

[@melissawilliams3356]

Even half asleep, Caitlin is charming.

[@TheOricko]

Caitlin Doughty is great! Realistic and not scary, nor does she 'cover over' LOL stuff....

[@royparman1498]

Monements, headstones, plaques... mummification, embalming, all these methods to fend off and deny the inevitable, natural decomposition... are we truly afraid of death, or are we just afraid of being forgotten?

[@madelinedavis4834]

I think its a combination of both. I think headstones and things like that are more something our families choose as a reminder. Many people are so afraid of forgetting a loved one when they pass so anything they ca n to hold on to something that shows the person is still here people just really gravitate towards. Im fully a completely natural funeral and would like to do my wake at home. I think the biggest thing is that people dont have time with there dead to really say goodbye and to have that realization that the person is gone and this is real and so on. We dont have time to properly grieve our dead because we have paid for others to handle these things. I think if we did this we wouldnt have such a hard time emotionally.

[@madelinedavis4834]

I think we are really hurting ourselves by doing the "normal" funeral customs we practice today. We a missing out on so much closure and stuff. It could also be a reason our mental health is as bad as it is. Even if you havent experienced dead close to you we are shown from such an early age that it is something that should be greatly feared and I think that many people have developed an underlying obsession with death and it causes us depression because we dont feel like we have the time to achieve our goals and things like that. But maybe Im thinking into it to much

[@TheOricko]

...and cremation burns us up!

[@kmosher8]

more because it was an oppurtunity to create a monopoly. creating these funerals desensitized the people and sepersated us from the nature of death just like every thing in the last 100 years. we are sop far from nature. and peopple are the most sick mentally emoptionally and physically then ever

[@jillianmcclennan576]

Hey, the watermelon thing has an explanation - I heard it talked about on Thersa Matsuura's great podcast, Uncanny Japan

[@shaykitty6139]

More and more people I know prefer cremation, as I do now that I’m 66 years old.

[@marlenebrown2569]

Ah! I wondered how you could afford all that wonderful travelling!

[@perrydiddle3698]

Finally, I have my answer, dad I assume so by the wall behind Caitlin. All I heard her say on the subject was she is not a very religious person. With the picture of Mother Mary, baby Jesus and the crucifix on the wall, lead me to believe she has the faith of Christianity. However, it could be that it and perhaps dare I say the Catholic religion is something she may be fascinated with, rather than being a Christian. I am curious if she is of Christian Faith.

[@kristieroybal4888]

I NEVER go to American funerals, or "visit" gravesites. My Nonna is not there in the ground. My Nonna is in my heart and memory, and in the things of hers that I cherish. My mother lied and had my daddy cremated. His poor brutalized body had to endure a final insult by her. I was furious when I found out more than 10 months after the fact. I will never "visit" or attend a funeral again in my life.

[@Pantherking916]

How can I best organize dying alone? I have no right to use hospital time, resources and staff and want to make sure that I die alone because it's what I deserve. No self pity or anything like that, being totally serious. Any constructive advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[@kristieroybal4888]

In solidarity. Unfortunately it very difficult to remain in control as you age. Everyone in my family has had cyanide, arsenic, sleppubg pills, and castor beans. All had strokes or some catastrophic event that prevented them from using them. Heartbreaking.

[@DibIrken]

Caitlin actually made a video on this topic. I too fear that might not have the care I want for my corpse since I live alone and my family is in a different province.

[@itsabughunt6310]

I can't believe that Joanne actually said "your books all kind of ran into each other" and then went ahead and asked her question. That was disrespectful and makes it look like she didn't have much interest in the subject. I am not saying it was intentional, I was just surprised.

[@coyoteartist]

To be fair, watermelons are rather expensive in Japan so why would you waste one by cremating it.

[@tirebiter1680]

H'mmmm Do a burial on your own property? I suppose that is Illegal where I live, but Think about it, if I could do this at night and nobody would see, If I did not bother to put up a tombstone, could I get away with it? Think of all the money the heirs would save.

[@stevebillo1723]

QY

[@PeterMcLoughlinStargazer1877]

Probably go with cremation just put me in the sky and I'll make my way into the astronomical CMB

[@kmosher8]

i am gonna hopefully be buried naturally. even creamation is a new concept. its not traditonal either.

[@daidrivejil4950]

Love her so much but the liberal bent just kills me