Things NEVER To Do With Narcissists

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Rebecca Zung

Rebecca Zung

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 3 жыл бұрын
Want to know more about what you should never do with narcissists? Come find out more at my free live webinar! Sign up here www.rebeccazung.com/live
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 3 жыл бұрын
I can't wait to support you more! Let's do this!
@coolname2784
@coolname2784 3 жыл бұрын
Never try to reminisce with them. You never know how their mental gymnastics will distort their reality. You need a catalog of videos to refer to before you try to do that.
@artchem1
@artchem1 3 жыл бұрын
When will this webinar occur, if you please? Thank you. :)
@edpalm2300
@edpalm2300 3 жыл бұрын
hello how can i contact you too talk one one
@bonlayman5098
@bonlayman5098 3 жыл бұрын
Never...
@suezqcamacho
@suezqcamacho 3 жыл бұрын
Just run away and find a person with a soul!
@bobbiev8791
@bobbiev8791 3 жыл бұрын
😲
@aidanlucid9619
@aidanlucid9619 3 жыл бұрын
I agree but it's not always easy to do that, especially when they're family.
@farelhettinger3512
@farelhettinger3512 3 жыл бұрын
Amen 40 years i married her twice But it was never Equal Then i met a woman With a soul 💞💞💞💞
@paulahunt3508
@paulahunt3508 3 жыл бұрын
I can’t, it’s my son.
@suezqcamacho
@suezqcamacho 3 жыл бұрын
Every channel? This is my 3rd comment!! And it's only cuz I had a very bad expensive experience! But I'm done now. U all r on ur own! Good luck
@katkos2750
@katkos2750 3 жыл бұрын
1 Not loyal 2 Never justify yourself 3 Never expect them to change 4 Never expect them to take responsibility 5 Never give them ammunition 6 Never make excuses for their bad behavior 7 Never get into the mud with them 8 Never get sucked back in 9 Never fall for the future lies 10 Never put anything in writing
@inetpathfinder5767
@inetpathfinder5767 3 жыл бұрын
I will copy and save this. Thank you!
@jacketrussell
@jacketrussell 3 жыл бұрын
Thanks - that saved me watching 11 minutes of bloviation. 👍🏻
@tiredowalkin
@tiredowalkin 3 жыл бұрын
and don't beat yourself up if you have already done something that you shouldn't have done.
@agustindeejay4645
@agustindeejay4645 3 жыл бұрын
Its just Irony They dont want to be Vulnerable and create false personas and yet they are really trash and empty individuals.
@karenmks9699
@karenmks9699 3 жыл бұрын
Thank 😺
@inetpathfinder5767
@inetpathfinder5767 3 жыл бұрын
Never believe that they gossip only about other people and not about you.
@janetamplin7318
@janetamplin7318 3 жыл бұрын
To find out that Your FAMILY is telling everyone your so called Mental Health issues us the most DECEITFUL hurt. The betrayals are undiscriable
@steves4533
@steves4533 3 жыл бұрын
Yep, if somebody is gossiping or complaining about other people to you, then they are most likely gossiping and complaining about you to other people.
@traceyc2576
@traceyc2576 3 жыл бұрын
Big time
@traceyc2576
@traceyc2576 3 жыл бұрын
@@janetamplin7318 I agree with you
@gitrdun7015
@gitrdun7015 3 жыл бұрын
Spot on
@inetpathfinder5767
@inetpathfinder5767 3 жыл бұрын
Never tell them about your plans for the future
@survivor2691
@survivor2691 3 жыл бұрын
I have a question that no one seems to want to answer. My question is if you have to keep everything on the download and act like everything is Jim dandy and The narcissist you're leaving expects intimacy, saving money on the download and preparing to leave takes time and you can only say you have a headache or feel sick for so long so what do you do about not wanting to have sex with the narcissist, because that in itself feels like abuse, is abuse. It's enough to drive you crazy.
@sharonhainesNumber1Red
@sharonhainesNumber1Red 3 жыл бұрын
@@survivor2691 Get out! You can stay at a Battered Women’s Shelter.
@wildfreya6269
@wildfreya6269 3 жыл бұрын
@@survivor2691 🧚‍♀️That's a tricky one. Sometimes you can't leave yet and people tell you to leave which you can't afford to do.
@mariemcadams8408
@mariemcadams8408 3 жыл бұрын
Good point!
@edwardgabel3701
@edwardgabel3701 3 жыл бұрын
It’s like telling your enemy your escape route.
@annettedevries7559
@annettedevries7559 3 жыл бұрын
They never take the blame.
@jamesarmstrong4179
@jamesarmstrong4179 3 жыл бұрын
Annette de Vries,You are absolutely gorgeous,hope you are not with a narcissist....
@annettedevries7559
@annettedevries7559 3 жыл бұрын
@@jamesarmstrong4179 Thank you. It took me 6 years. But i,m finally narc free.. i hope you are doing fine..
@jamesarmstrong4179
@jamesarmstrong4179 3 жыл бұрын
@@annettedevries7559 You are welcome dear.I am James from USA.You?
@annettedevries7559
@annettedevries7559 3 жыл бұрын
@@jamesarmstrong4179 Hello. I,m from Holland . Nice to meet you.
@inetpathfinder5767
@inetpathfinder5767 3 жыл бұрын
Never tell them that you know who they are. Go no contact without a warning
@aidanlucid9619
@aidanlucid9619 3 жыл бұрын
I find no contact is the best way to deal with them. It hurts more when they're a family member but yeah, no contact is the best one. They'll probably spread crap about you and yeah, it will hurt but after a while, people will see through their crap.
@janeth.3819
@janeth.3819 3 жыл бұрын
The best
@oregonsnob31
@oregonsnob31 3 жыл бұрын
I just did this!! I’m scared to see an email from him in response. I wont read it if he responds to my breakup text. I’m not strong enough yet. Blocked him everywhere i can think of, without provocation, beyond all the signs I saw. I’m so scared he taped us having sex without my consent and will use it as ammunition
@zerpblerd5966
@zerpblerd5966 2 жыл бұрын
@@oregonsnob31 if he does just remember it reflects worst on him for being such a scum to have doneso (and even MORE if he shows it) I feel for you and can't imagine the gut-wrenching feeling of potentially feeling exposed like that, but, stay strong and know future partners that are real men will understand and not care (so much - not that it should be easy for them, but, won't matter ultimately.)
@missa4026
@missa4026 3 жыл бұрын
Cant expect loyalty even if married. There is 0 reciprocity. One thing I've learned is not to explain myself, not to argue or state my case, it wont help. They are determined to misunderstand, disagree, piss you off and make you crazy. Have 0 expectations even if you share children. I've learned to laugh at his crazy making, lack of fathering and being an awful person. This is very accurate as usual! Forgive yourself!
@kaykay513
@kaykay513 3 жыл бұрын
This is an on point fact
@jolly7728
@jolly7728 3 жыл бұрын
​@@kaykay513 Right. In a marriage, narcs think YOU are married, but they are single. And they are proud of living like this... And it's almost impossible to hold them accountable, even in court because they are capable of turning a lawcourt into a circus with you as the clown -- unless you have a lawyer like Rebecca Zung.
@breezeh1127
@breezeh1127 3 жыл бұрын
For years no-one at my husband work knew I existed or that he had kids. I went to a function and was standing next to him and people asked me who I was and if I had paid my fee at the door.(we had been married 17 years at this point) At the function he also got an award covered in women's signatures(women he says he doesn't know and has never met, he only works in an office with men) with hearts and smiley faces and cute little sayings from them, all over it. Yah, marriage is just for when they need to use it for their benefit.
@lovewhitey2027
@lovewhitey2027 3 жыл бұрын
@@jolly7728 Exactly Rebecca has excellent gems 💎✍🏻
@roryrichards9340
@roryrichards9340 3 жыл бұрын
I struggled with this for years with my ex-wife. Sooo frustrating. I hate that we share children together.
@meganmacleod3481
@meganmacleod3481 3 жыл бұрын
I already did all of these things. I wish I knew about narcissistic people before all of these bad things happened
@lynnrinaldo6795
@lynnrinaldo6795 3 жыл бұрын
I wish I did too , Megan macleod but I didn’t know any better.
@cindieann6365
@cindieann6365 3 жыл бұрын
Me too , it's so sad 🙏🙏🙏
@sonnywilliams7743
@sonnywilliams7743 2 жыл бұрын
Ignore. Them cut them off they will malfunction without their supply
@zerpblerd5966
@zerpblerd5966 2 жыл бұрын
some have to learn the hardest ways forgive the self as you can, but don't suppress the heartache and such to get there, go ahead and feel into the misery and once you come out the other side, you will be stronger for it
@joecummings762
@joecummings762 3 жыл бұрын
#1 don't let them move into your house.
@stanleyweller6856
@stanleyweller6856 3 жыл бұрын
Did that happen to you 😳
@joecummings762
@joecummings762 3 жыл бұрын
@@stanleyweller6856 Yes... It lasted 7 months, I ended up getting a restraining order a month ago. I dunno how I put up with it that long.
@stanleyweller6856
@stanleyweller6856 3 жыл бұрын
@@joecummings762 that's really serious 😳 good thing you were able to do the right thing 👏
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 3 жыл бұрын
Totally agree!
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 3 жыл бұрын
Oh no! Glad you got a restraining order!
@gingerschilling7405
@gingerschilling7405 3 жыл бұрын
I completely was sucked into every single one of these repeatedly over 8 yrs I was married to a covert narcissist and I didn't know Narcissistic Personality Disorder was a real thing! Omg. 🤯
@lovewhitey2027
@lovewhitey2027 3 жыл бұрын
There is no way you could have known ( takes decades) they hone there craft like criminals they get more stealth with time and experience but Always get caught 🚨😉
@kathleengutmann3680
@kathleengutmann3680 3 жыл бұрын
I was married to a covert narcissist for 53 yrs, and didn't know
@shantas9658
@shantas9658 3 жыл бұрын
Yeah girl they crazy ass hell
@jeanniecannon4612
@jeanniecannon4612 3 жыл бұрын
@@kathleengutmann3680 it’s really sad and the longer we stay the harder it is to get away or stay away. I really believe the spirits in them work through others to convince you they are not that bad. So many see them as outstanding dependable courteous people. I think we lose our own sense of self always double guessing ourselves. Soul ties with them are so difficult, even when you stop having sex. And sex seems to be the only way to ever have any kind of intimacy. They lack empathy and affection.
@ShugaSigga
@ShugaSigga 3 жыл бұрын
Sex is the only way I can get his attention or have a conversation with him. So gross.
@Nastyfinger1444
@Nastyfinger1444 3 жыл бұрын
Never engage a Narcissist. Ignore them or respond with whatever.
@marywilson4938
@marywilson4938 3 жыл бұрын
They say I love you within first few days and boast how wonderful you are. All a big show.
@d3ltaking419
@d3ltaking419 3 жыл бұрын
Like the old saying go’s never wrestle with a pig if you do you will get dirty and the pig might like it.
@davespark10
@davespark10 3 жыл бұрын
Stop... i have pigs, thats hilarious...
@glendaeddy859
@glendaeddy859 3 жыл бұрын
I've been on my own for year's. I'm proud of myself.
@EscapingTheMadness
@EscapingTheMadness 3 жыл бұрын
Never tell your business to a narcissist the whole village will know. never talk about any body else’s business they will make it into a lie about them and how you don’t like them!! Stay away ✌🏾
@stevenewkirk5021
@stevenewkirk5021 3 жыл бұрын
So true, head spinning once you realize.
@smoothmorrison7203
@smoothmorrison7203 3 жыл бұрын
When I have to be around my narcs. I'll tell the most outlandish crap ( they believe anything) because They ARE going to push up in the biz. Then I crack up at the unsuspecting person or flying monkey contemplate the validity and or sanity of the narc and not me. I told my narc that a crackhead was my bestie. They darn near broke their F ing neck to get in cahoots with them against me. That was a whole month of halarity. You know you can't control a crackhead they trade on you with the wind. The addict to this day is my Peeps. One of the narcs has left earth and the other is miserably watching me live my life. 😇✌️❤️🍷
@gitrdun7015
@gitrdun7015 3 жыл бұрын
Amen
@sunshinegodguidance9730
@sunshinegodguidance9730 3 жыл бұрын
YOU ARE SOOOOO RIGHT. I TELL MY CHILD BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY AROUND THIS PERSON
@sammylenjou4235
@sammylenjou4235 3 жыл бұрын
Nr 7 !! But not only in lawsuits, also in conversation. Stay closed and distant, short in answering them. Stay in your self-center : Practice meditation all day long with open eyes. It will benefit you in every way of life.
@KB-by3vl
@KB-by3vl 3 жыл бұрын
I would recommend meditating on the Word of God. The Devil, may have, not a foothold but a full body cast on them. The ways of Satan are crafty. Using God's letters to us disarms and denounces him. The Bible says the demons believe in God, and they Tremble. Wow. I want to call the God that causes demons to shake my Dad! "My Dad's stronger than yours!" You know what I'm sayin'?
@cindieann6365
@cindieann6365 3 жыл бұрын
@@KB-by3vl I hope God will make my husband tremble or give him convictions, somebody please pray for me, my husband need to be lockup behind bars somewhere 🙏🙏🙏
@KB-by3vl
@KB-by3vl 3 жыл бұрын
@@cindieann6365 I'm so sorry that you are going through this. God can fight your battles for you. Hold fast. Keep your reactions minimal, let God do His thing. If your situation requires a restraining order, pray and take action. The Lord doesn't ask for people to be trampled over.
@karenvars5046
@karenvars5046 3 жыл бұрын
"Been there, done that with an ex-narcissist friend...I learned a lot of how to handle them. I have a Sister-in-Law who has the tendencies so I know enough to not freely offer ANY information that I am NOT obligated to....Everything is meaningless small talk!"
@peterd2587
@peterd2587 3 жыл бұрын
#11, Hunting
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 3 жыл бұрын
Good one!
@lovewhitey2027
@lovewhitey2027 3 жыл бұрын
Exactly # Unsolved Dateline episode ☠️🎬📺🪓🩸
@steviecrow914
@steviecrow914 3 жыл бұрын
Ha! Rebecca, I saw your title and the first word I thought of was “anything”. Anything you do with a narcissist opens you up to pain, betrayal, abuse and losses.
@paulahunt3508
@paulahunt3508 3 жыл бұрын
Amen to that! So true!
@shondajohnson-ford838
@shondajohnson-ford838 3 жыл бұрын
Just awful
@stevenmartin8121
@stevenmartin8121 Жыл бұрын
Hello there, I never comment nor have I subscribed but I do watch a lot if not all your videos. I am a recovering narcissist. I was made aware of my condition a long time ago when I was newly married with 3 young children. My wife sat me down and said I needed to change or lose my family. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and a passive stepfather. I say this to say that you CAN change. The key is to accept the you (I) am not important….. everyone else IS. We’ve now been married 36 years , my kids are amazing and so are our 9 grandchildren. We are a super close family…..we would not have been had the work not been done. So, it is possible to change. Thank you for your insight and your videos. I watch them a lot as I have about 8 people in my life still in various stages of narcissism to deal with and help. Again….thanks
@dwatcha7239
@dwatcha7239 3 жыл бұрын
Who cares if they do change. You deserve so much more. You deserve to be Free to be your self in every single way and have your partner love every minute of it.
@raej2413
@raej2413 3 жыл бұрын
NEVER! I fell for every one of these things during 25 years of marriage. I never realized there was such a thing as NPD. As I’ve been learning, I was raised by an NPD parent and gravitated to what I knew by marrying one. So often I feel like such a fool for not having seen this before…I knew there was something wrong but always felt it was me or my fault.
@ronaldtyhulski8679
@ronaldtyhulski8679 3 жыл бұрын
I wish like all of us we knew these words of wisdom from you it would have saved so many tears and broken hearts God bless you
@lorraineroberge5793
@lorraineroberge5793 3 жыл бұрын
Never, never, never...you are right on target!
@breakthroughmoment1647
@breakthroughmoment1647 3 жыл бұрын
Excellent vid, Rebecca! Narcissists have an unfounded loyalty to others. They will never be loyal to YOU.
@teal1010
@teal1010 3 жыл бұрын
And their loyalty to others lasts as long as they do the Narcissists bidding!
@clydebrundage3215
@clydebrundage3215 3 жыл бұрын
Never! I must be reminded sometimes that my mother in law is hopeless, just accept it and move on. To bad she lives in the same house with her daughter and I.
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 3 жыл бұрын
Oh yes. For sure. Sending you light.
@artchem1
@artchem1 3 жыл бұрын
I never will allow myself to be used by this person again. Thank you for your excellent words of wisdom ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
@birdiecahan741
@birdiecahan741 3 жыл бұрын
What a fantastic list!!! So powerful. Grateful I caught on and learned these truths after so many years of abuse. Very validating and good reminders. Got my divorce last week woohoo. However bad it was it's still a loss on some level but incredibly grateful to finally be free. And NEVER (again) !!!!
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much! And woohoo! Good for you!
@birdiecahan741
@birdiecahan741 3 жыл бұрын
@@RebeccaZungEsq Thank you so much! ❤
@jolly7728
@jolly7728 3 жыл бұрын
Keep learning as much as you can about narcissism so you can avoid any kind of relationship with a narcopath. That's because once you get hooked, it's next to impossible to escape without doing horrific damage to yourself and valued loved ones. You cannot escape from a relationship with a narc unscathed.
@siehop88
@siehop88 2 жыл бұрын
NEVER stay. Run !!!!!
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 8 ай бұрын
This might help you better >>> slaythenarc.com
@cymbolichuman433
@cymbolichuman433 3 жыл бұрын
You are "Reality Check" in human form. You are helping people with your insights and advice.
@LaurieAnnCampbell
@LaurieAnnCampbell Жыл бұрын
You are so right in every front. 3 narcissists in my life and all have these behaviors. It's scary how accurate you are!!
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 6 ай бұрын
Empower yourself with the knowledge and tools to outsmart narcissistic tactics in (divorce) OR (high conflict) negotiations. Unlock your potential at our free webinar! Your journey starts here: highconflictcert.com/
@sjnardozzijr.7850
@sjnardozzijr.7850 3 жыл бұрын
...too bad I didn’t know this sooner...but I do now...thank you counseler
@josephsnisky1851
@josephsnisky1851 3 жыл бұрын
They'll tell you right out they're not going to change, in a proud tone. Kinda long ago for me.
@philomena9136
@philomena9136 3 жыл бұрын
Started off with he knows he needs to change to maybe he will maybe he won't ,to if he changes then he won't be himself anymore to I'm not changing for anyone lol
@prschuster
@prschuster 3 жыл бұрын
Keep it simple. Don't expect anything, don't explain yourself and don't hesitate to move on. That's all you need to know.
@emmaharper860
@emmaharper860 3 жыл бұрын
They want you to be in the mud with them. NEVER!!!!
@Godscommandmentsaretruth
@Godscommandmentsaretruth 2 жыл бұрын
3:40... I recently read you should never explain yourself because your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it.
@craigp187
@craigp187 3 жыл бұрын
"Don't get into the mud with them." Reminds me of an old saying that you should "Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."
@jenamirgholi6004
@jenamirgholi6004 Жыл бұрын
There are so many of them
@artchem1
@artchem1 3 жыл бұрын
Don't play " ping pong" with them ! This is a term I made up about 40 years ago in the 1970's ! It was meant to help with conflict resolution . Thank you Rebecca for helps us gals with your background and insight. Extremely Grateful to You !♥️⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
@ursulaann694
@ursulaann694 3 жыл бұрын
I left my ex covert narc 8 days ago. Thank you for helping me.
@jamesarmstrong4179
@jamesarmstrong4179 3 жыл бұрын
NotYourMom1,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist....
@billchessmen
@billchessmen 2 жыл бұрын
I've got to old high school buddies that are narcissists. It's driven e bonkers until I found out how they tick. They get more and more bad as they get older
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 8 ай бұрын
If you are so sick of the drama, trauma, and chaos- and want real powerful strategies for success - I’ve got the answer for you - sign up for our free webinar and start your transformative journey- this is the day your life changes!>> www.icanslay.com ✨
@theguy4615
@theguy4615 3 жыл бұрын
When I was young I seemed to attract narcs and borderlines in my partners. After doing some work I realized I was raised by a raging narcissist mother. I haven't gone no contact, but I do keep my distance and don't feed into the drama. There's a potential large inheritance coming soon, and a couple of my siblings are kissing up to her and a couple have been disinherited already. I've decided no amount of money is worth being manipulated and shamed and having to provide constant attention to her. Happier and more at peace than I've ever been.
@20ASilva
@20ASilva 3 жыл бұрын
Vaguely similar situation myself. I don't think its worth it actually. I'm reminded of that credit card ad. I think the reward of never having to deal with their shit again would be priceless.
@mariemcadams8408
@mariemcadams8408 3 жыл бұрын
Real peace has no price tag.
@sherriewilde1288
@sherriewilde1288 3 жыл бұрын
Don't expect anything.
@stevenflores972
@stevenflores972 2 жыл бұрын
I hear ya.
@glockfan8283
@glockfan8283 3 жыл бұрын
You are really smart, Rebecca. I know you're a lawyer but you seem like you could also be a psychologist.
@pinkposey8134
@pinkposey8134 3 жыл бұрын
Our reactions is what they want. Appreciate this insight! Hold your heads high everyone 24/7.
@beccapears7573
@beccapears7573 3 жыл бұрын
Never...from this moment on. After 13 years I think I've finally got it.
@keitos18
@keitos18 3 жыл бұрын
My narcissistic sister in law who we do not talk to anymore started messaging us because they were not getting what they wanted. She eventually called my work to get a hold of me and my boss reached out to me saying that your sister in law is trying to reach you. I messaged her saying not to call me or my work and would file a harassment report if it continues. I still don't know if that was a good idea but didn't not know what else to do because they are contacting my work.
@mariemcadams8408
@mariemcadams8408 3 жыл бұрын
Something simular happened to me and it got so bad I had no choice but to find another job. I will NEVER let this woman know where I work again. Also we are in an age where we can work out of our homes. Thank goodness!
@thevillakingzmusic8323
@thevillakingzmusic8323 3 жыл бұрын
Man i just dont have the energy to have a narcissist in my life, so i just cut all ties. Im too old to cater to someones mental disorder. My solution: flee to the woods :)
@gypsy698
@gypsy698 10 ай бұрын
You're hilarious! 😂 You said what I would've said. You're gonna behave like you're going into the witness protection program. Be as stealth as possible, lol.
@kathrynwhite2213
@kathrynwhite2213 3 жыл бұрын
They feel entitled to loyalty from you, but they will not give you any loyalty in return: and, in fact, they will exploit you. Thank you for stating that defending, justifying, explaining or oversharing doesn't work: thank you for doing this, because it is truth. Also: never confess your misgivings to a narcissist: if you have "sins", I personally found that confessing them only directly to a Divine higher power (and asking that Divine higher power to correct me) has helped me, because that the only power that needs to know. The point of me telling you this is not out of proselytizing, but that the narcissist does not need to know about your mistakes, because they are NOT a source of mercy, forgiveness, absolution, repentance, or correction: they are NONE of that. So please do what works for you, but don't go to them with your guilt - they are NOT a source of true mercy. So you don't have to admit something if it does NOT affect or involve them - if it is only going to affect you or yours, say or state nothing. If you owe them an answer, make it very short, brief, and succinct - and emotionless if you can. This is a great video: thank you. Never!
@rob6115
@rob6115 3 жыл бұрын
If you do finally get a partner to go no contact with narcissistic parents, be vigilant to back dooring. The birthday call, oh I’ve got something delivered for you, just drop by for a coffee. It’s so easy for a perceived re-entry. Our life is hell, our son turned against us but we’re finally no contact
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 3 жыл бұрын
Yes exactly! And good for you!
@janisgaines5330
@janisgaines5330 3 жыл бұрын
You are no contact with your son? I am thinking my son is a narcissist and that I need to minimize my time with him. I can’t imagine gong no contact but maybe I need to. It is sad because I remember him differently when he was younger, but all signs now point to narcissism.
@paulahunt3508
@paulahunt3508 3 жыл бұрын
@@janisgaines5330 sounds just like my hell
@terrygross5315
@terrygross5315 3 жыл бұрын
I LIKE WHEN THEY SAY BUT WE ARE LIKE FAMILY.
@susannakotoff7095
@susannakotoff7095 3 жыл бұрын
they re just only inlaws ..who cares
@gypsy698
@gypsy698 10 ай бұрын
😂
@ChristinaStandsFirm
@ChristinaStandsFirm 3 жыл бұрын
I have done all these things but no more! I thought I was going crazy; your videos have educated, armed and enabled me to break free! Thank you for continuing to be a sanity check and for helping me remember what is true!
@jamesarmstrong4179
@jamesarmstrong4179 3 жыл бұрын
Christina Ingrassia,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist....
@htpm325
@htpm325 3 жыл бұрын
One of the hardest things to do is to not respond to the smear campaign. It is extremely insidious and crushing to see a third party get sucked in to the narcs projection. And you're sitting there going WTF. My response is to say, well its your choice to believe that. And leave it there without getting into any specifics. Its a lose/lose situation. Ultimately those people were never real friends but even still, it is crushing.
@jenp342
@jenp342 2 жыл бұрын
Absolutely very true!
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 8 ай бұрын
This might help you better >>> slaythenarc.com
@janetpattison8474
@janetpattison8474 3 жыл бұрын
Much more in the excellent video, but some main points for me, 1..don’t expect loyalty. & I love the concept of future faking. Like inviting me to a big event and then at the last minute canceling on me, for no reason....love it... 2. don’t explain, justified, or over share. 3. Don’t expect the narc to change.... 4. don’t expect smart to take responsibility for his or her actions.they deny, reflect & reject 5. Don’t give them ammo to attack you with later like emails or text messages.
@brendahughson1921
@brendahughson1921 3 жыл бұрын
Fell for all that and have been narcissist free for 3 years. Happiness forever
@jamesarmstrong4179
@jamesarmstrong4179 3 жыл бұрын
brenda hughson,You look gorgeous,hope you are not with a narcissist...
@stevensmith8580
@stevensmith8580 3 жыл бұрын
NEVER NEVER NEVER!
@marzoqalward5422
@marzoqalward5422 3 жыл бұрын
Never again
@jackiemiles1091
@jackiemiles1091 3 жыл бұрын
You described so much of my ex husband in this video. Most of your videos describe him but the future faking and the constant let downs and not being faithful and the constany lies were so accurate. Nothing was every his fault. He was never responsible for anything at all. I feel so stupid for hoping he'd change for so long even though I knew he wouldn't. The cycle of abuse is so hard to get away from.
@NeolithicMan23
@NeolithicMan23 3 жыл бұрын
I've dealing with a narcissist for a while and your videos have been really helpful, but nothing that you have said so far hit so close to home as "don't give them ammunition". I did something bad to them in response to something they did to me and now they act like they're morally superior to me and try at all costs to turn people against me for that.
@MavSpic
@MavSpic 3 жыл бұрын
It’s called Reactive Abuse. They provoke and then record to make you out to be the abuser to play the victim.
@maisumsobreviventedeabuson5277
@maisumsobreviventedeabuson5277 2 жыл бұрын
There’s no way me allowing them in my life again. NEVER EVER
@suzyfontaine2071
@suzyfontaine2071 3 жыл бұрын
Never!
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 3 жыл бұрын
Yes! Never again!
@magdamoeggenberg5950
@magdamoeggenberg5950 3 жыл бұрын
This is an amazing video!
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 3 жыл бұрын
Glad you think so! Thank you!
@shygrl8016
@shygrl8016 3 жыл бұрын
No form of abuse is okay. I don't care whether it's physical mental and emotional verbal sexual no type of abuse is ok.
@julietcrowson3503
@julietcrowson3503 3 жыл бұрын
Neglect False accusations
@georgesontag2192
@georgesontag2192 3 жыл бұрын
Love bomb should be a class in high school so people understand what is going on. I thought they actually liked me. No they don't - they want your house.
@shondajohnson-ford838
@shondajohnson-ford838 3 жыл бұрын
WOW 😮
@torque63
@torque63 3 жыл бұрын
That's about the size of it
@jamespeterson2690
@jamespeterson2690 2 жыл бұрын
That, my friend, is a topic for Sunday School: no sex before marriage.
@nikstar1313
@nikstar1313 3 жыл бұрын
Never! My narc mother is constantly trying to love bomb me (and has attempted to step over my new boundaries) her silent treatment sessions and is absolutely crazy when I won’t play her game anymore. She hates losing control so much. At 44 I went to therapy bc of my alcoholic overtly narcissist father and found out she’s not just the enabler, she’s a a covert too. I’m the family scapegoat and I’m done. No contact with my narc brother. Love to everyone and good luck! Thanks so much Rebecca, you’re amazing x 1.Don’t expect loyalty... it’s all about them and their needs 2. Don’t JADE: justify, argue, defend, explain .. it falls on deaf ears and you’re wasting your energy. “I deny your allegations” 3. Don’t expect them to change 4. Never expect them to take responsibility for their actions- no sense of self .. they feel exposed 5. Never give them ammunition.. don’t make it easy to be a target 6. Never justify or defend their behaviour ... its enabling abuse is no excuse! 7. Never get into the mud with them when they trigger you 8. Don’t get sucked in by the Hoover or love bombing 9. Don’t believe the future faking “things will be different” 10. Never put anything in writing they could hold against you
@lovewhitey2027
@lovewhitey2027 3 жыл бұрын
Your Not alone Many of us where in Adams Family 🤬Go to vital mind psychology YT his empath series is phenomenal he is no BS Dr 🙏🏻
@jaebevinmurphy4932
@jaebevinmurphy4932 3 жыл бұрын
excellent practices to never do with a narcissists. i'm implementing . . . .
@jamesarmstrong4179
@jamesarmstrong4179 3 жыл бұрын
jae bevin Murphy,You got a lovely smile
@SuzD0n
@SuzD0n 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your videos. I like how, unlike other videos on similar topics, you get straight to the points you're making and explain everything really clearly. I feel like the term narcissist gets misused a lot. Most of the narcissists I've met are basically just very emotionally immature people who are looking for something they'll never find. I've been the narcissist myself in the past but it was because I just really didn't know how to deal with feelings of powerlessness, and I regret hurting people. Right now I'm getting over someone who was very convincing right up to the moment he blocked and ghosted me. I'd really like to see a video for those of us who have totally lost faith in our own abilities to choose a healthy person. The self-esteem impact is pretty overwhelming right now.
@CutePokapipi
@CutePokapipi 3 жыл бұрын
Never will i ever do these 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩. I pray for you to be blessed every second of watching ur films. Thank you so so so so so much for your help and information 💞💞💞
@girish9553
@girish9553 3 жыл бұрын
Beautifully narrated, that really gives positive energy to stand rock solid against a narcissistic personality!!! Fingers crossed if I could expose my partner in the court of law using these tips🤞
@dorasneddon774
@dorasneddon774 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you Rebecca - I really needed to hear this now.
@ndecouple
@ndecouple 3 жыл бұрын
Never will. I took a lot of your advice during the separation and divorce and Happy to say, she wasn’t able to attack me with any of her Narcissist tricks. Thank you so much. I’m almost two years free of her and life has been great but can’t stop remembering her, the fake good and all the bad. By once again thank you so much for your help.
@birdiecahan741
@birdiecahan741 3 жыл бұрын
@Brenda Serwa Took me 40. Like Rebecca says "it's never too late..."!!!
@Bing903
@Bing903 3 жыл бұрын
Congratulations. Dont look back.
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 3 жыл бұрын
Yes exactly!
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 3 жыл бұрын
Woohoo!
@birdiecahan741
@birdiecahan741 3 жыл бұрын
@@Bing903 Yes, love that! It's the narc who likes to hold on and keep coming back. We still share kids and grandkids but I've gone no contact as best as I can. He would still be "good friends" as he puts it. Yeah, more like good supply lol. Thank you! ❤
@birdiecahan741
@birdiecahan741 3 жыл бұрын
@@RebeccaZungEsq Yes! Thank you! Never thought I'd make it. Thank you for all you do!
@deborahfreeman9130
@deborahfreeman9130 3 жыл бұрын
your so right. My daughter sounds like the narccist your describe. What you are teaching is helping me because she is keeping my grandchildren from me and wont even give the presents from me.
@christianpulisic7784
@christianpulisic7784 3 жыл бұрын
Deborah Freeman,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
@amymason6234
@amymason6234 3 жыл бұрын
I have no children so this may be awful advice, but I think you should write to them every day. Tell them the thoughts you want to share with them. Tell them in the letters that you love and miss them so much. Keep them. Someday, you may be able to give them to them, and they will know that not only did you try to see them, but how much you really do love them. But don’t let your daughter know you are doing it. On the outside of the envelopes write someone’s name that you trust. If she finds them I doubt she will even bother to open them.
@jerryholland3874
@jerryholland3874 3 жыл бұрын
I have just found you on you tube and how I wish I could have had this info years ago. But knowing now has brought me relief and comfort emotionally. Unfortunately my situation is now really difficult. Just knowing what I have learned from you helped me get in a better place. Thank you.
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 8 ай бұрын
If you are so sick of the drama, trauma, and chaos- and want real powerful strategies for success - I’ve got the answer for you - sign up for our free webinar and start your transformative journey- this is the day your life changes!>> www.icanslay.com ✨
@ambermchenry9270
@ambermchenry9270 3 жыл бұрын
Never and thank you!
@oscarwilliamson1128
@oscarwilliamson1128 2 жыл бұрын
Amber McHenry,Hope you are not with a narcissist….
@ambermchenry9270
@ambermchenry9270 2 жыл бұрын
@@oscarwilliamson1128 only via ten years of Fame court. I hope your not with one either.
@Thekeysfamily1
@Thekeysfamily1 3 жыл бұрын
Never
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 3 жыл бұрын
Yes! Never again!
@Jmaemae
@Jmaemae 2 жыл бұрын
NEVER. NOT ANYMORE. It. Stops. Now. Thank you for your videos. They have really helped me prepare to face him and end it!
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 8 ай бұрын
If you are so sick of the drama, trauma, and chaos- and want real powerful strategies for success - I’ve got the answer for you - sign up for our free webinar and start your transformative journey- this is the day your life changes!>> www.icanslay.com ✨
@terri6904
@terri6904 3 жыл бұрын
Thank You very much. Your info videos have helped me to be able to accept & handle attacks from Narcissists. It has been very unfair that they lie, blame, attack. Now I have some knowledge to be able to avoid those people as best that I can in order to protect myself from their Evil actions.
@katrinab3811
@katrinab3811 Жыл бұрын
Never Justify THEIR Behaviour It's never a good excuse to be "a rager"- and use anger/ rage & yelling full blast at arm's length to a woman you supposedly love.Sick.Enough is enough.
@vanjagcaoili3712
@vanjagcaoili3712 3 жыл бұрын
NEVER! You nailed it! Thanks Ms. Zung!
@keneth184
@keneth184 3 жыл бұрын
Hi Rebecca, I am from Australia and love watching your channel. You are the only person that really understands what i am going through dating a narcissist. and give great advice. Thank you for sharing your Knowledge.
@moonmagnolia7
@moonmagnolia7 3 жыл бұрын
You get what you tolerate. But since a narcissist can’t change, why waste your breath or time. Life is too short to be miserable. Run away!
@amymason6234
@amymason6234 3 жыл бұрын
Dating means you can run away much easier, run! Don’t look back, just run now.
@marlyhawkes3046
@marlyhawkes3046 2 жыл бұрын
NEVER! Just a couple days ago I had to endure passive aggressive insults and blaming as we had interview with our son's psychiatrist after a major crisis. I reminded myself the Grey Rock. Numbed myself.... later I broke down in tears. But never within his sight. Thank you for your videos they have saved me.
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 8 ай бұрын
If you are so sick of the drama, trauma, and chaos- and want real powerful strategies for success - I’ve got the answer for you - sign up for our free webinar and start your transformative journey- this is the day your life changes!>> www.icanslay.com ✨
@carolfcavanagh3835
@carolfcavanagh3835 3 жыл бұрын
“NEVER NEVER” This video SOooo amazingly wonderful!! THANK YOU!!
@glendaeddy859
@glendaeddy859 3 жыл бұрын
Exactly! You should never try to change anyone!
@davidhinkson8856
@davidhinkson8856 3 жыл бұрын
Don't get married to them!
@soniabernatchez7466
@soniabernatchez7466 3 жыл бұрын
of course not, just set boubdaries
@painteddaisy6889
@painteddaisy6889 3 жыл бұрын
So now you tell me... lol
@Robert-sn1bk
@Robert-sn1bk 3 жыл бұрын
Wish I knew what a narcissist was 29yrs ago. Now I’m fighting for a divorce as I’m getting screwed over with all these false allegations
@tmklunk
@tmklunk 3 жыл бұрын
27 years
@roryrichards9340
@roryrichards9340 3 жыл бұрын
@@Robert-sn1bk I got divorced last year but not without her accusing me of being abusive when I found out she was cheating. She tried make me out to be the monster. If I only knew then what I know now..
@LoriPersson
@LoriPersson Жыл бұрын
So I made the mistake of telling the board members to the Stars Youth enrichment program that I paid for for him to turn into a business, that I was taking him to court because he is a narcissistic a lier and a cheater and he will be paying me back and Stars Youth as funded by me. Now he is taking me to court when he owes me $300,000. And told me he doesn’t have to pay anything???
@lisamariepagliei3945
@lisamariepagliei3945 3 жыл бұрын
God how I need you!! I was diagnosed with a terminal illness and have no family, no support at all and he constantly tells me he's not going to pay me $3,000 a month- which is what I was quoted by a lawyer. But he recoiled when I told him, I'm married to an abusive man. I don't get it. Why is it that they seem to get a pass for HORRIBLE BEHAVIOR with most attorneys...I will go to your website and thank you for doing what you're doing. 💛
@lovewhitey2027
@lovewhitey2027 3 жыл бұрын
Please just focus on your healing 🙏🏻Nothing is terminal God is the final Dr.. Believe in miracles
@lisamariepagliei3945
@lisamariepagliei3945 3 жыл бұрын
@@lovewhitey2027 thank you so much for this beautiful message of faith! I DO believe God will heal me. But doctors tend to think I'm crazy for having faith in God and no real belief in their diagnoses. God bless you!
@lovewhitey2027
@lovewhitey2027 3 жыл бұрын
@@lisamariepagliei3945 Remember Doctors don’t get paid if your healed.. Illness is a Trillion dollar business ✍🏻☠️U got this queen 👑🙏🏻💐
@lisamariepagliei3945
@lisamariepagliei3945 3 жыл бұрын
@@lovewhitey2027 oh I need you in my LIFE! I'm of the same belief and it's so comforting to hear someone else say what I believe in my heart. Thank you!
@lisamariepagliei3945
@lisamariepagliei3945 3 жыл бұрын
@@lovewhitey2027 so my faith is Christian, though not evangelical. I don't attend public churches. God creates health if we have faith, so where does the poison doctors want people to take come in, I wonder. I've searched the internet and can't seem to find any straightforward answer; but I know l don't feel good about taking it. I don't expect you to know, I'm just putting this query out there. (Though, of course it would be awesome if you do know😏💛.)
@stephaniesoo5659
@stephaniesoo5659 3 жыл бұрын
THANK YOU!!! "I'm in receipt of your email and I deny your allegations" I needed this!!
@carmenx_
@carmenx_ 3 жыл бұрын
NEVER!!!!!!
@RebeccaZungEsq
@RebeccaZungEsq 3 жыл бұрын
Yes! Never again!
@andrewlowe2962
@andrewlowe2962 3 жыл бұрын
Never say never, I hope I never do this again. It’s in my tool belt, thanks.
@paul2019monte
@paul2019monte 3 жыл бұрын
Wow! Smart woman! Top 1% of attorneys in the US.👏 I will definitely listen to what you have to say. (#2) so tempting. Its easier to stop contact.
@salliegallegos918
@salliegallegos918 3 жыл бұрын
I’m learning to listen to the narc without responding, except for a nod of the head now and then. When they call, they speak nonstop without expectation of a reciprocal conversation. It’s nuts because when I only listen, they eventually say: “Are you there?” However, there was never a pause for me to get a word in. I say, “Yes. I’m listening to you.” It happens often. Mind you, I don’t call them.
@iys6890
@iys6890 2 жыл бұрын
I can relate to you! All about them!
@danteslick2843
@danteslick2843 3 жыл бұрын
Watching this video after 2 months of separation from one, my mind just opened. @1:48 in the video "not anybody else in the world". That is exactly what i thought in work today rewinding all the things in the relationship. #2 tried that, no go as i found out. #3 Oh yes they want all the change from you, and if you do that, there's nothing back. They say they change but you end up with an empty ticket. #4 They want to make you take the responsibility from everything. #8 Guilty as charged. I got sucked. And you're spot on. When i created those boundaries etc, hoover, love bomb started. All the last resorts. Simply no. What came after that? Rage from her. #9 This future faking was the last thing for me. Suddenly out of nowhere, but nothing changes. Most crazyest thing for me was the fact, that while things were calm and that future was "set" and so "great". She said "Hey i've been thinking this, and im sure you are 100% cheating on me". Out of the blue. No reason what so ever to think like that. I asked her, is there anything i can do to help you with that or what you need me to do. That is horrible you feel like this. But there never was a clear answer for that. I felt like i was talking to an empty person with delusions. Also insulted to question my loyalty. And when you try to explain this to one...its like youre talking to a wall.
@ruthkaplan5539
@ruthkaplan5539 3 жыл бұрын
She was probably cheating at the time when she accused you of it. They project their bullshit onto us to deflect from any potential consequences for the truth. It is easy to fall into defending yourself but that does not help anything and they don't listen anyway.
@danteslick2843
@danteslick2843 3 жыл бұрын
@@ruthkaplan5539 Exactly. Projecting bullshit etc. It got so worse, that she imagined me having relationships everywhere, and almost with everyone. My neighbour, my friend (this actually ruined our friendship a bit). Even to a girl that was part of our gaming group, a person i've never even met. I couldn't see basically anyone, go anywhere alone, without being suspected or accused. All this lasted around couple months before break up, and those suspicions from her side was kinda part of the relationship all a long. Sometimes more, sometimes less. And in those last couple months, when i confronted her about her suspicions and accusations of me being un-loyal etc, i asked her straight that does she understand how this feels to me, how all this seems, that this is now making me very suspicious towards her. So is there something on your side you're not telling me, do you have an affair or something? Instant denial and typical losing nerve and getting mad. At this point there was so many red flags, that i didn't have a doubt something was going on. She actually didn't understand, why i was now suspicious towards her and asking questions. Any straight talking and a person that takes responsibility would have understood the reason, why i was the one now asking. But yeah. Been a free man for almost 6 months now and the burden that fell off, how all makes sense now after the break up. Has been very teaching and relieving experience :)
@fyliao
@fyliao 3 жыл бұрын
This is GOLDEN for people dealing, or want to stop dealing, with toxic narcissists. How much time and experience (including the bad), and energy, and emotion, and insight, and critical thinking, went into making the essence for this video?? I am extremely grateful for what you do, Rebecca Zung.
@bismilhasbek9732
@bismilhasbek9732 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you. Your effort is so valuable.
@kristenlsearles3760
@kristenlsearles3760 3 жыл бұрын
I have a brother who is a narssisist. You are very helpful with all your information that you present on your You Tube Channel
@kevinmalone3210
@kevinmalone3210 3 жыл бұрын
Best rule to follow with a narcissist, go no contact, and keep it this way.
@amymason6234
@amymason6234 3 жыл бұрын
I did that to, two different narcs, but my question is what do I do if I accidentally run into them? I plan on saying Hi, being polite, and finding a reason to immediately get as far away as possible, but what if they corner me and will not let me go? My narcs knew they could use guilt to manipulate me, and I guarantee before I can get out, “well gotta go”, they will try t guilt me into being the bad person for walking away with no contact. If someone is with me, it will certainly be easier to get away. I hope I never see them again, but that might not mean I won’t by accident.
@kevinmalone3210
@kevinmalone3210 3 жыл бұрын
@@amymason6234 Hello Amy, if a narc won't let you go? If it's physical then this is clearly illegal, because that is a form of kidnapping even if temporary and the police need to be involved. A restraining order might be necessary. If not, then you can be polite, like you said, then get away. You are not the person who says hi first, right? I wouldn't say hi first. You can as you must know not even say a word to them and if they approach you, you can just say, I got to go and leave. I know it's rude but it's a way of protecting yourself. If they guilt you into leaving, you can just say, I understand but I'm not interested, and keep saying this over and over everytime they guilt trip you. Also, what about carrying some effective pepper spray? If it gets physical, then give them a blast of it. On a last note, never buy into a narcs manipulative guilt trips, even if there is a ring of truth to it. Also, have you ever read a book called, Boundaries? It also might be helpful.
@lillumination5388
@lillumination5388 3 жыл бұрын
Very helpful coaching, your videos became my step by step recovery guide. And I have been progressing well. What shocks me in dealing with this 63 year old fuckup, is that he acts like a 4 year old, using those nasty tricks to get back at me - stealing my keys to the apartment and the garden, to the car... and watching me going nuts searching for them, for months and then one by one (key( finding them in places I would never take them. This hide and seek shit gets into questioning my own senility, beating myself up for forgetting where I place those keys, for example. This is such a sick mind game... projected at me to suffer.
@corneliusdillon4658
@corneliusdillon4658 3 жыл бұрын
I've done every one of those in my 21 year marriage to a narcissist. Until this last year the abuse was manageable (and often entertaining ... watching a middle-aged woman behave like a 6 year old) but something has changed. Probably the change in me. I've been pulling away this year and ignoring much of her behaviors. She decided to punish me for a transgression I committed (as a retaliation for several similar insults she's done to me) and her continuous badgering and accusations just got tedious. So I stopped giving her attention. I think she realizes I'm no longer under her control and is giving me the big freeze out. I'm in the states now (an annual trip for personal reasons) and the frigidity in our messaging is palpable. In the past she was effusive with her loving words and support but this year I only get those endearments after actually asking. Add to this, her mother, the source of her narcissism, is dying and the wife is falling apart. She is angry that I'm here, leaving her to handle the crazy, old bitch alone. I could go on but I think you get the idea. Like many narcissistic personalities, the wife is extremely insecure and terrified on the inside while projecting a thin veneer of control and stability on the outside. We'll see how it goes in a few days as I return next week. Not holding out much hope for resolution or a return to the past behaviors. An early exit is the most likely scenario. Oh, one other thing: the wife exhibits all the behaviors of a classic narcissist except for one ... she is a strong empath. Always bringing home stray cats/dogs and giving money and sympathy to people in trouble. Of course, once the animal becomes part of our family the empathy disappears and they are just more things to bitch about.
@breakthroughmoment1647
@breakthroughmoment1647 3 жыл бұрын
“Like many narcissistic personalities, the wife is extremely insecure and terrified on the inside while projecting a thin veneer of control and stability on the outside.” Absolutely true! My covert narcissistic mother to a T.
@lovewhitey2027
@lovewhitey2027 3 жыл бұрын
She’s not an empath There are videos about narcissist and pets its spot on they do it for show to everyone it is awful...and then give pet away yrs later or do a dog charity to seem like hero Not!!!!
@joegreen9433
@joegreen9433 2 жыл бұрын
I have done 7 of the 10 and it's my youngest daughter... You saved me on #10 so thank you
@janetharris4237
@janetharris4237 3 жыл бұрын
This was great to hear and especially as this past year I have walked away from two very highly toxic narcissistic long term relationships. It took several years to finally break away but once I learned about narcissism which was two years ago I began to separate from them. When the final break came it was not pleasant with either and even involved my having to call the police on one but thankfully I had learned the 10 points in this video and was able to victoriously escape from both. There is still one narcissist in my life but as this person is a family member it is not possible to completely walk away but I have been able to draw very clear boundaries, to no longer get into the mud with this person and to never give this person ammunition to use against me.
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