Recon Marine shares struggles with PTSD & what he's doing to overcome them. *Graphic*

[@MudukTV]

I am a former recon marine as well brother. Unwanted flashbacks of memories made me unable to work upon my discharge from the marine corps. So past few years, I just read. Yes, just read books. I locked myself in my dark room and sat in front of my wooden desk and read all kinds of books varying from environmental policies to western philosophies. My family was very concerned if I was up to any bad decisions or I will be socially isolated in the future. Within that 2 years, a lot of things happened but I don’t blame it on others but myself that my girlfriend left within that years, my friend who is a marine veteran took his own life and the fact that I was going through this all by myself in a dark room. Yet, those miserable days didn’t last long. Within that 2 years, I wrote hundreds of essays on various topics and read over thousands of New York Times articles that I thoroughly analyzed every time I read them. I realized, education was a way to get my mind off of those unwanted memories. Sociologists/psychologist named Georg Simmel called this “blasé attitude” an attitude of absolute boredom and lack of concern created by our brain to protect ourselves from frequent exposures to external forces. Now, I am sitting in Harvard law library stumbled around this video while writing a paper on “how to strengthen our polices to make veterans’ access to VA benefits more attainable.” We all have our own battles. Regardless where you are or what you are doing, we are all fighting our own demons. However, there is no right or wrong way to deal with the demon. Just remember you are not alone. Simper fi.

[@cassbomba6873]

I understand brother whenever former Recon we are forever Bad Company all my love to you all

[@guyincolo100]

Funny. Mid part of your comment made me think of my job as a patent attorney. And there you are, in a law library. It's meditative. I get like 5 emails a day. All emotionless and analytical. A long day is pure high-level analytical reading and writing. Love it.

[@IGY6_Danger_Close_IGY6]

There is no FORMER MARINE nor FORMER RECON MARINE their Devils.

[@johndoe45435]

To the 0311 that gave me the Uber ride to Walmart , thank you brother I was on my way to kill my self and this man said I’m not taking you to die , so he sat with me in the car and after crying and swapping stories I went home , kissed my sister told her I loved her and she passed away the next week. If I had left that day it would have been the most selfish thing I’ve ever done. Thank you thank you thank you, you gave me closure abd realized how the decision I made was the wrong one. God bless all my brothers and sisters still fighting this fight physically and in our heads. It’s a constant fight but we have support even if we don’t want it, help is out there . God bless

[@brucepeckham6043]

I was a Recon Marine, C CO 2nd Recon, Camp LeJeune NC and while it was very satisfying to be the best of the best, it came crashing down hard when we lost 18 KIA in Beirut Lebannon in 1983. I knew all 18 (included our best corpsman). You can't shake stuff like that off - you take it to your grave with you. I struggled horribly when I got out. Lot's of fighting, drinking, trouble with cops, jail time, etc. The nightmares haunt me still. Semper Fi!

[@xaviereagles2056]

Damn this hit hard and am not even a war veteran just fighting demons from child hood and life experiences thinking about joining the army just to relief myself from pain

[@TyoungUSMC]

Thank you for sharing this. I needed to hear it tonight. Guns up, 0331.

[@anthonyfelker1712]

Semper Fi Brothers! 0352, 0331, 0351. Did 12 years in the Suck. 3 deployments, 1 Combat. Love, Brothers!

[@elbodoquepa3865]

This kind of videos are the ones who you want to be recommended by default, it's the kind of videos that actually helps both people, the narrator and the viewer... The viewer gets to listen to a man opening himself about the kind of stuff some of us have to go though... And the narrator gets to express the kind of fellings that not everyone gets to hear or even think that could be possible.... You're not alone brother, it was never meant to be easy, but we gotta live the life than our brothers and sisters didn't get to live ... They wanted us to live, my brother.

[@aaronconstantine1292]

💯

[@NeoRimeOnline]

I'm so glad to see this video reuploaded. The story and editing gives me chills. It's just so visceral. Semper Fi!

[@IanBlakeBaldwin]

Agreed! I feel, that for some' it's easier to tell their story' but for most, they struggle hearing the truth. At least for me it was so much easier to fake my feelings and dissociate from everyone. It's exhausting trying be what is expected by others only to be disrespected, ignored or worse, abandoned. I'm glad to see that there are others still in the fight! Take care and always do a function check before you engage! Semper Fi & Much Respect from Dallas, TX.

[@grantgamblin9475]

Im a abuse survivor, I was fighting for my life since I was born, I did the board up and move forward, I got so used to being in a fight wether it was with myself or taking it out on someone else, you find comfort in chaos, I drank, I used, I put the gun to my head because I had to do things I didn't want to to just to survive, but the word is resilience, I drank until I was 33 I'm 36 and once I had kids I realized that's when I needed help the most, I understand the separation of self, the survival mechanism that's built so nothing can hurt you, once I started therapy and started pulling the boards down I realized that I've been through shit that most people can't even imagine and I made it, when I quit drinking that's what forced me to look at myself in the mirror and when I started therapy I realized I wasn't the bad guy that I thought I was, I was just surfing with the limited amount of tools I was given and that flipped my world. Now I get to be the good guy. Sometimes you gotta go back to move forward, bless you and your story.

[@BG-gx3cf]

I don’t even have the words but I hope you’re doing as good as you can brother

[@SemajMusiq]

we got your 6 brother, keep up the fight ‼️

[@ragintexan1]

“We are in a firefight with ourselves”… That shit hit different… Best to y’all for everything you are doing… 🍻🤘🏻

[@Krispaupi]

You shouldn’t have the music and keep the human aspect, or just turn it way down, I hear it over the voice

[@jinksomiabodyart3189]

Music volume should be lower

[@aaronconstantine1292]

Damn

[@badger297]

I like the music

[@elrambo2175]

Hits harder without it.

[@Americanspy-hn2kw]

It's sad that we live in a world where kids have their childhoods taken away from them because of abusers and traumatic events

[@curiousercuriouser9888]

That's exactly how it happened to me.platoon sgt came out and said I need 5 volunteers to do Recon endocs I loved it.

[@DavidGalich77]

Wow that was deep. Your journey was so traumatic but your reflection is so deep that it was making sense to me. I remember when I lost my dad, he was in the Airforce and I got to fold his flag for my mother. It never left me and still want to know where I fit. Thank you for sheding some light on some dark features of life.

[@ZEWlistener]

Blessings and peace be with you, marine.

[@AidenManning-bu6sh]

My dad was a recon and he came back and he had a card with 7 peoples names on it and 4 of them were crossed out

[@SergeantReckless66]

I would like to meet this man I have a similar story as an Army Communicator. I feel for you.

[@aaronconstantine1292]

😥

[@rooseveltmchenry5471]

The most real account of what being a man who has dealt with adversity ,courage, love for your family, love for your country and hoping u will prevent it from happening again! THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE SIR!!!!!!!!!! THERE IS NOTHING TOXIC ABOUT HIS OR HIS BROTHERS COURAGE AND HONOR!

[@Je3perscre3pers]

I remember the difference of the wizz of a 76254r, an 76239 ans 545. Shit is crazy to know. Thank God i never learned a dshkah over my head

[@Je3perscre3pers]

@@VictoryisCloseUA stay alive and come home in one piece 🖤

[@Je3perscre3pers]

@@VictoryisCloseUA 😢 i know. Kinda wish i was in Ukraine right now as well on a mortar team or teaching FDC. The hardest job in the world is being a civilian in America.

[@Je3perscre3pers]

@@VictoryisCloseUA i did FDC as a specialist and mostly remember how it works. Its been a long time tho...... was mostly a 120mm assistant gunner on mounted m113 and stryker mortar carrier because i loved hangin n bangin

[@Je3perscre3pers]

@@VictoryisCloseUA sadly im in a legal predicament due to a lying psycho ex gf so i cant leave the country. As much as its tempting to help my fellow man and fellow American.

[@Je3perscre3pers]

@@VictoryisCloseUA Syria 2013? I was doing border duty in 2013 in Jordan.

[@nick-illcityreppin-sknk]

Semper Fi! Love you brother!

[@marioh5144]

Oorah brother stay alive you are not alone don’t let Evel take your soul

[@existinthenow7443]

Great speaker!! Wow.

[@ItsTravis__]

Your a legend for this upload we been waiting for this re upload

[@tylerjoyce3979]

Im glad this video was uploaded. This video helped transition to civilian life. Its still a process. But this video gives me motivation to continue on. Im glad youtube didnt force you guys to edit or censor it either!

[@juanalvarez3507]

Thank God this was re-uploaded. Truly an amazing and inspiring story.

[@juanalvarez3507]

@@Anonymous-ne6wu The audio cut out in the middle of the original video. So you heard the beginning of the story then nothing but silence for the duration.

[@devxjoj0279]

This is awesome

[@energyempath7866]

Blessings strong brother you inspire me and gave me chills.

[@Its_Esoteric]

This video came out awhile ago I really hope he’s alive and doing well ❤️

[@ShutterSpeedGaming]

Very inspiring! that's a great quote "I heal within myself I heal within the world."

[@Kpr0ductions]

Great watch, incredible guy. Ty for upload

[@SonOfGod-sz5yc]

Straight-to-heart energy transfer thanks BROTHER! GOD BLESS YOU and The MISSION.

[@madlibsluver]

Bro needs a good hug

[@AidenManning-bu6sh]

My dad was a recon marine and he came back all jacked up and my mom always said”he was faking it because recon marines don’t do anything”

[@duped8273]

Your mom is a retard

[@logicrollin7418]

As a former Canadian airborne member, thanks for your open, honest words. Ex coelis brother

[@lionking5687]

Godspeed brother Semper Fi

[@louismedrai4387]

Thankyou for sharing your story brother, semper fi.

[@moisesmoreno9323]

Thank you so fkn much for reuploading. this video has helped me alot of times

[@OCREASONER]

He was my communications instructor in BRC.

[@potatokitty]

Yay upload

[@jamesvick1085]

Awesome man!

[@Halllie]

We were sent on this earth for a reason. Jesus gives us a mission to complete and we must complete the mission. Don't abort the mission. Testimonies will help others as well.

[@Andres-sr7uv]

I feel you brother.

[@maty9997]

RESPECT 🙏

[@volksweegan2784]

Semper Fi Brother

[@alexmendez713]

Veterinarian really need to start opening up like this let out some of that traped trauma from consuming you inside

[@ericwester4610]

Yep there is a quite a few of us, we all suffer every day! Only The Lord can fix!

[@itsRudeGal]

Wow…. 😞😞😞 his story is very similar to my cousins.

[@aaronconstantine1292]

😔

[@vernonhall9262]

Simply fukin amazing❤️❤️

[@johndwyer5246]

As an irishman i would to.thinkwe in ireland would be a great place to.call.on holiday, explain pre holiday we will look after you.,pure chill.the children of Kennedy

[@elbuengaspar]

The music in this video is louder than the voice of the guy ._.

[@Miyagi-e3t]

Thank you.

[@greenblack300back3]

💜

[@greenblack300back3]

Saint TRU 💜😇

[@JT0007]

The stress he describes is what kids who go through childhood trauma know from the days we were in diapers

[@anthonyfelker1712]

@@tracyannbielhy9794- Me too.

[@metallum.perfide]

🖤

[@Reformed322]

for anyone here who is a combat, are those 120lbs really life saving? i guess i feel like if im going to a combat zone i want to be as light as possible. jusat a thought. i just compare what i hear about modern militaries having soldiers carry such a large amount of supplies, but might be more effective in the field with just food, weapon, and ammo

[@adamk6103]

Background music is horrible

[@aaronconstantine1292]

Y??

[@Lyons_T-BAG]

God bless these people! You won't ever see any presidents children suffer like this.

[@anthonyfelker1712]

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!! HaHa!

[@lesdillinger4907]

👍

[@profile2047]

Great dude and talk, horrible manipulative nonsense with the music/production. I know people are going to disagree. But I think there are some combat vets who will agree with me for the same reasons.

[@BetSeeBoo]

I'm pretty sure your video is the one my son showed me when it 1st posted. You were the 1st person I think he felt like maybe could help him. I think he reached out to you and you responded but then he never did anything. I've listened to him say how he wants to "eat his pistol" for 10 long years. I'm at a loss as to what to do to help him. You know more than anyone that Recon Marines are the last ones to seek help. I kept him with me as long as I could but it came to the point that I thought it wasn't doing either of us any good. He needed to move on with his life. He got his Master's and is doing well in his field but every day he's closer to dying, if that makes any sense. How can I get in contact with you please?? Not sure if many guys reached out to you but his 1st name is Josh and he was w/3rd Recon. I don't want to call him out here (he'd not like that very much but I know the guys from his unit became aware recently of his struggles).

[@michaeldole4510]

Don’t change a thing

[@Ras7685]

I don't like the fucking music playing

[@aaronconstantine1292]

How come?

[@DB-uf6md]

Turn the music down let the man speak ffs.

[@MegatronRacing237]

Another dog saves the a life 🥲

[@sobelowtriplefo5623]

no disrepect but the creed almost sounds like a government disclaimer

[@dh2006dh]

How did BRC not prepare you for deployment?

[@mr.g816]

I'm just a civilian but this dude seems soft. Checkout any gang neighborhood and count the teen graves at the local cemetery, especially in San Bernardino, CA. He joined the most spartan branch of the military and didn't expect to lose fellow brothers to the enemy. Thank you for your service, stay hard.

[@noahgroves-cv8cx]

From what Ive watched and read it seems like our combat veterans have had a lot harder time fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan then they did fighting the insurgents in Iraq

[@agnesmaloco2818]

If you dont have Jesus, you dont have purpose in life❤only God can fill all the emptiness in our soul❤

[@taztazzington736]

I wanna see ketamine be more available as a treatment for stuff like this idk if it's a good idea but it does work pretty good for another of depressive type stuff and drug abuse

[@ajlfc4426]

What do you think war is man…. It’s not a walk in the park eating ice cream… I always listen to the horrendous story’s of soldiers in the trenches in World War One with limbs blown of sleeping in the mud with dead body’s all around using terrible weapons having no food or water living it day after day yer not one of them complaind at all…imagine how they must of felt… modern day warfare doesn’t compare…you sighned up for it 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

[@Knobbrott]

I don't think he's complaining, he's just sharing his story. And saying WW1 "those guys didn't complain". These guys came back absolutely fucked and alot of them couldn't live themselves and commited suicide or were never the same again.

[@ajlfc4426]

@@Knobbrott he is complaining mate an like I said war is war what do you expect it to be … don’t sighn up if you think it’s going to be a day in the park eating ice cream

[@Knobbrott]

@@ajlfc4426 I see what your saying and you are right, to anyone joining the army should come prepared for what there signing up to. But I think the message is not just complaining, it's more about sharing his experience. Why he joined, what hes been through and hes dealing with what he's been through. This guy isn't the average person, he's served in the recon marines. Recon marines were the special forces of the marine branch before they made the Raiders.

[@ajlfc4426]

I couldn’t imagine what the soldiers saw in Vietnam I’ve seen some of the film an images .. god bless them men who fought in that love from uk 🇬🇧

[@Robert-ky4vx]

How can you even say he's complaining when you probably haven't done anything military related

[@armandosanchezburgos1690]

Yep we break away from normal emotions and we dont rest specially at night...and it never turns off....once your a civilian you feel worse and even more alone cause no one understands the one way ticket we get in usmc...1991-1995...8152/ 0341

[@duped8273]

mexican american

[@animalrn2]

Please tone down the music! It adds nothing, in fact it seems to try and compete with the storyteller.

[@jameshargis936]

Same outfit. Same background. Same city and state from where you came from, Same nationality. Similar background stories!!! Ooorah!!! DevilDog!!!! Hate and Evil took a piece of me as well, it eats me up everyday but I never show it!!!!!! kimo a.k.a. living life six days at a time, no slowing down, always having a sinister grin looking for a woman with the same chemistry

[@oneshot_onekill4618]

I would give these guys more time 30 - 45 min to send it and tell their story. Just my opinion.

[@WARS187]

❤️