Reflecting on a year of dementia decline plus some video clips from a year ago

[@Sandra-dm8rd]

What the social worker said is criminal. How cruel of them to verbalize their crap. You know your wife and life better than anyone ❤

[@christycaballero9823]

Couldn’t have said it better!

[@angelabutful1]

Not much of a social worker or human for that matter!

[@patriciaboyd1199]

Trolls come in all disguises. Sometimes claiming to be experts.

[@vintagemarylouise7319]

I absolutely agree w/your comment! Sounds like so many unfortunate stories that I've heard about social workers ignoring signs & doing what's best.

[@alisonyoung7636]

Likely not a social worker. Would absolutely NOT give that advice if they were. Disregard that ridiculousness and forge ahead. You are not alone!!

[@SusanMelano]

That person was NOT a social worker!!!! For sure. You are right in your decision. Block that vicious person

[@dawnhooper1748]

There are frightening statistics for caregivers passing before the patients because of the demand on the caregivers. It is obvious that the "social worker" has never had to care for the needs of a person with dementia. I have.

[@heydo8393]

1000 percent. This disease is a curse for both, the person that has it and the caregiver.

[@lynnlegault9297]

@downhopper I totally agree. I work at a nursing home, and we get attached to our residents. It's very challenging at times and we're a big team how someone can take on the care on their own, plus have the emotion rollercoaster at the same time.

[@JellyBean-jr8xb]

True story here. My friends sister-in-law had Alzheimer’s. Hospice came by 2 times a week to help with her so my friend’s brother could go to his appointments etc. He refused to put her in MC. One afternoon he went to get him for an appointment. When he didn’t answer the door he looked in the window, his brother was on the floor and his wife was sitting in the chair. He died from a heart attack trying to take care of her! That’s the reality of being a caretaker. Sad, she ended up in a facility anyhow. Take care of yourself too.

[@raefamily3141]

My aunt had a massive stroke (on Christmas eve) from the stress of taking care of her husband - how many victims does Alzheimer's need?

[@JellyBean-jr8xb]

@ it’s all so sad. So sorry about your aunt. 😢

[@shesh4896]

This is the unfortunate very common outcome of care taking. It’s a fact! The caretaker dies before the person needing care.

[@Bella_mo]

My grandfather was my grandmother's caretaker (Alzheimers). It took a huge toll and this incredibly strong man, who survived the front lines of WWII (a literal Canadian hero!) was reduced to tears many times. Even the strongest of men need help sometimes - my grandma was moved to LTC and was just as happy there as she was at home .

[@amyferrill770]

After three and a half years of 24/7 care (stroke in 2020) with some help, I felt like I would die before him if I didn't deal with his care better. I couldn't leave the house and being in the hospital with COVID was like heaven because I was being taken care of! I'm really healthy too! Our PCP told me right after stroke that my husband would end up in a home and I said NO WAY. Thank God I did my research and knew how to phrase things because when he had another fall and his test results were normal, I told the hospital "He's not safe" "I can't take care of him" and "Keep him for the required 5 days and place him. A split second decision, but I knew it was the right thing. I now have a life, sort of. Watching him decline is heartbreaking, but there's no way I could handle a stroke patient with the added diagnosis of Parkinsons and Dementia. Am I being judged? Absolutely! He was 64 when he had his stroke and will probably live another five years or longer. If I can handle this, anyone can. It's an awful road to go down.

[@MeMe-sy4sb]

My husband & I have agreed to never put each other in a facility, but after watching you take care of your wife I have told my husband it’s ok if he needs to put me in a facility. I see the physical & emotional toll on caregivers. It would be very easy to become worn down, angry & resentful no matter how much you ❤. Thank you for sharing your life.

[@j9mac934]

I spoke with a woman the other day, her mother had Alzheimer's. Her father had a heart attack due to the stress of taking care of his wife. The mother ended up in care and her father passed away less than a year after her mother passed. My mother says it's important to save the one who can be saved.

[@karenjoy136]

I’m a Social Worker with a Masters. Degree- I’m HORRIFIED by this person claiming to be a social worker saying that to you!!! You ABSOLUTELY are doing the right thing in bringing Heather to LTC.. your heart is PURE John.. if Heather was in your shoes she would love HERSELF and YOU enough to take this same step when YOU reached this grave level of decline . I’m just sorry you’re hurting so much .. Praying email for her placement comes SOON! 🙏🏾❤️🙏🏾

[@KaarenBell]

Thank you Karen for your comment on what the other social worker said. I think we all recognize that the “social workers’” comments were cruel and unwelcome. John knows his and Heather’s situation better than anyone. He is doing the right thing and doing it with love. Your comments are important so John knows there are some “unprofessional” people in every profession.

[@cathy4582]

I’m so glad you, as a social worker, said that to John and straightened the warped perspective of that other so-called social worker! That person should not be spreading his/her unhelpful views on those who are living the roller-coaster ride with a loved one!

[@delledonne1]

I have a hard time believing she was a real social worker, rather than a keyboard warrior. Please don't take that to heart. You are doing the right thing to move Heather where she can be completely cared for and take the stress off you. It doesn't mean you don't love her, it doesn't mean you don't care. I'm sorry you've had people like this enter your life, it's undeserved. Your written words says it all. Take good care of yourself John, despite that one person we're all behind you and beside you.

[@catherinerose1607]

My thoughts exactly. Not a social worker but a troll. 😞

[@2lab1setter]

Yes, just looking for a reaction! Troll! ​@@catherinerose1607

[@JohnvanGurp]

@@delledonne1 I think you’re right about that!

[@capitalstitcher622]

That social worker should stop working in his/her field. So sorry you were given such false advice. You are doing the right thing.

[@DebRus56]

Took care of my mom till her 100th birthday. She was able to stay home and didn't have dementia, but if anyone has cleaned up poop repeatedly, had the loved one almost get injured falling and being a dead weight to get up, they understand. With some rest and respite, you will be more present for Heather when you see her. You are not a professional . Don't doubt yourself.

[@wendycopcutt4891]

I’m disgusted by that person’s comment as they have no right to criticise your decision. All your supporters on KZbin have witnessed your struggles and heartbreak and we are behind you and know you are doing the best thing for Heather. Please don’t let this comment get to you and derail you ❤️

[@kimberlymiller655]

Me too. You are doing and making a good decision and if your living family agrees that is all you need to know and consider!!

[@Lindalou5977]

I stand with the people in above comment ……… shame on that person ……..

[@KenSpeis]

Ignore the so called social worker. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

[@kimtongo3533]

Amen!!!

[@YoungerOnsetDementia]

As a person with dementia, I just wanted to say "don't feel guilty". You are doing what is best for her.

[@summertao7363]

That social worker needs to display her full name on here if she has the nerve to share her opinion in such a negative fashion. You are an incredible husband, John and you don't deserve to be questioned when your love for Heather is unbelievably easy to see. It's easy to sit behind a computer and type judgement on such a loving man who is clearly trying to do what's best for everyone. How dare that person! Sending you tons of love and peace! Please don't let one persons comments steal your peace John. You're doing an incredible job and I hope to find a husband like you one day! ❤❤❤❤

[@ruthmcmahon5465]

I believe she has breached professional conduct standards by weighing in and need to be reported. I would follow up with a professional complaint if you can clarifiy her identity. Keyboard judgement. You are doing what is best for both of you. Period.

[@funinthesun622]

​@@ruthmcmahon5465 Agree with you

[@michellep7746]

Absolutely!!!!

[@kimberlymiller655]

Thank you for sharing these picture and videos!!

[@SandiSquiller-zs1zu]

Most social workers are totally nasty people!!!!!if they weren’t social workers they would be in jail 💯

[@rgtinkess]

What a horribly rude thing that person sent! There is nothing you have done that is wrong. Whatever course you take will work out Then there's all the support you have here which is quite remarkable . You are quite an inspiration!

[@Bethann1975]

I’m so sorry that person said that to you. Gosh that angers me.

[@renhoek3687]

That "social worker" should lose her license, that is cruel and ridiculous. She needs to walk a mile in your shoes before she critizes your decision. 🤬

[@jeanetteh.9240]

. . . if she even has a license.

[@markcourtney1088]

It wouldn't even take a mile

[@kathyyaeger1874]

You are a wonderful husband doing what is right for your wife.

[@kimtongo3533]

Amen!!!

[@Secular-Serenity]

I was a senior caregiver for a long time. The older spouses that plac their loved one in a home fared better mentally and physically than those that didn’t put them in a care facility. If you did not put Heather in a care facility you will go downhill fast.

[@judyk.657]

My goodness. What a cruel thing to say. Your not getting rid of Heather. You’re getting her the best possible care in a safe environment. I so identify with your conflicting feelings. That’s because you love her. Getting help is not selfish. It’s the wise and loving thing to do. Peace be with you both. YANA 💕💐

[@cathyblock6197]

That social worker’s comment & advice was simply outrageous. Not at all what the professional community recommends for dementia patients and their caregivers. I highly suspect that she was NOT actually a social worker. No one in that profession would advise you against placement. Your decisions are sound & you have the support of everyone that has already travelled down this long road. YANA

[@janejdough2230]

I was thinking the same thing.

[@debbyblack8410]

I was a caregiver for my husband for 3 years. With love and for my survival I place him into a care facility center. Yes it hurts but it the right thing to do for her and for your survival as an individual. Don’t feel guilty or have regrets. Take care YANA

[@elsebeth1952]

My elder sister has dementia. For me it is one of the most cruelest diseases one can have. The lost of memory is devastating for my sister, for her daughters and for us, her family. I have the feeling I lose my sister bit by bit and it breaks my heart. She is now living in a care facility and the care is wonderful. There is always someone who cares, she has contact with the other people who live there and she is thriving, as far that is possible. Though it was a very difficult decision to make it is at the end the best for her. She has visits every day, her daughters know she gets the best care (she is also paralised from her waist down) so they don't have to worry as much. You made the best decision for Heather and you. You want what is best for her even though it hurts like hell to move her to the facility. It is a decision made out of love and love can hurt. Heather can be proud of you, you are the best husband she could ever wished for, loving and caring.

[@brucemacdonald7037]

This post choked me up. You absolutely John are doing the right thing! Ignore the trolls, the downside of Social Media. I have been following you for months and we all can see this is the right decision. All the best!

[@ruby1037]

John, invite that person to come take care of Heather for a week. No one knows what it is like unless they have walked a mile in your shoes. You are AWESOME!

[@clairetschirley2684]

That social worker wouldn’t know what to do. She couldn’t do it.

[@margaretconnery7422]

I looked after my mum for 3 years and neglected myself and I ended up having to go to hospital to have a blood transfusion ,i could hardly stand. I didn't mind looking after her but it was very challenging in many ways.

[@sharonfoster7674]

🎯

[@lilawiese2460]

Aw, John. Feel free to share as many videos of Heather as you desire! We would love to see them, as well as more of the two of you together. You two are dearly loved and we support you 100% with the decision you have made. You have given all of yourself that you have to give and we all know it.

[@gails.2525]

John, that so-called social worker is clearly someone who has not been through this situation! NO ONE can evaluate what another person should do in their life! Please block this person and do not allow them to take any of your precious time and attention!

[@JohnvanGurp]

Yes, I blocked her!

[@anja6666]

Don’t let negative people get to you….you should take time to yourself, once your wife is in care….take visiting turns with family and friends…she needs time to adjust and so do you…positive energy from Germany 😊

[@Kerri-50]

No social worker would ever say something like that. Someone was trying to upset you. You’re doing what’s best for you both. You’re not abandoning Heather- I know you’ll be there often. She deserves professional care & you deserve a life too. 🩷

[@kimtongo3533]

Perfectly said!!!!🥰

[@Carol-ny2pp]

So sorry about that horrible comment. You are surrounded by people and professionals who support your decision. No one could have cared or thought it through more than you did. Heather is very blessed to have you love her.

[@hemacdonald400]

I am from Ontario and now live in B.C. A few years ago I flew back to Ontario to help my sister-in-law place my brother in a care home. I was there for 3 days and wondered how she had managed as long as she did. Every moment was devoted to watching him, guiding him, directing him, it was exhausting and beyond our capabilities. You are doing the best thing for your wife. That ‘social worker’ had no right, nor any insight in to your struggles. Never let some stranger influence your situation and the hard decisions you are making.

[@shawnconnors596]

The fact that you are soft hearted is a wonderful trait, but the downside is that a ridiculous comment can really throw you and has made you question your decision. PLEASE DON’T! You have shown an amazing amount of love and grace to Heather in everything you do for her. That is undeniable. I have done in home care for hospice and palliative patients for 25 years. There were many times where in home care was a wish of the patient, so the family tried to honor that wish, but it wasn’t the best for the patient or the family. In Heather’s case, you have done everything possible to keep her safe, comfortable and happy as she has declined. There is NO shame in saying that a care facility is the right place for Heather now. She will be around people, in a safe space where they have the ability to deal with any situation. You will be there every day. Your love and support won’t stop for Heather. It will be MAGNIFIED because you won’t be exhausted. You’ve consulted with professionals, family and friends, and also your KZbin family and we all say the same thing. This is a good decision. Take back the role of loving, doting husband and let the care facility handle everything else. God bless you and Heather and rest in knowing that what you’ve done you’ve done in love.

[@Dakotarunner2013]

I’ve been through this with both of my parents and now my husband is on the same journey. Your decision to get more care for Heather is spot on.

[@earlinevincent360]

You remind me so much of my husband. He will always take the smaller piece, want me to choose where we’ll eat & what we’ll eat if we split, etc. He would agonize over putting me in a care home. I have memory loss & if it would come to this I definitely would not want him to care for me like that. You are doing the right thing with Heather, she would want you to put her in a care home. The so called social worker needs to be retrained or fired. ❤

[@cassfonnesbeck8057]

Social Worker? Phooey!!! Heathers decline over the past year made me teary eyed for you and her. Hugs.❤

[@micheleradzikowsky7251]

I have been through the dementia journey twice with loved ones. At a point, home care becomes unsafe and unsustainable. A team of experts for round the clock care is required. You are not abandoning your Heather, you are caring for her well-being in the best way . I think you would want Heather to make this same decision for you and for herself if your situation and hers were reversed . If I am ever a patient in Heather's situation, I want my loved ones to place me in long-term care ...speaking as a witness to dementia experiences, twice. This is better for all concerned in my opinion. You will find you are still very involved in her care, even while she is in the hands of professionals.

[@lilawiese2460]

So well spoken.

[@hillarywattenbarger3203]

There is no “wrong choice”. Long term care, or keeping her home is both 1000% ok…every family is different and what works for one, doesn’t work for the other. Don’t let other people’s feelings wear you down❤️ You are a great husband and I know Heather is so proud of you, and so thankful for you!

[@helenhunt2755]

I'm so sorry that you were subjected to that nasty post John. We all recognize that everything you do is showing love and compassion for your darling Heather. The physical and mental load is immense for you. The long goodbye is heartbreaking. 😢

[@cynthiareif6125]

You are definitely doing the right thing.

[@annmarie8574]

That social worker was out of line!! Ignore her. You are not abandoning Heather. You are doing what is best for you and her.

[@jillv4006]

I’m sorry that person said that to you. After caring for my father-in-law with dementia in our home for 3 years we finally made the decision to put him in a care facility and it was the best decision for all of us. He was cared for 24/7 which we could no longer physically or emotionally do. Everyone’s situation is different and you have to make the right decisions for you and Heather. And NOT all care facilities are equal so perhaps that social worker’s experience was negative but yours doesn’t have to be.

[@mountainsage100]

That person was cruel, and if they are truly a social worker, they need to quit. You're doing a wonderful job!

[@carollangenback4526]

I am in the same position you are with my husband. Different problems, same situation. I could never ever put my daily life out there like you have. If I live through this I do not want to watch, or read about it. If this helps you to deal with the awful situation you are in that is wonderful. Just overlook the negative, you have to. My husband, like Heather is here but is gone. No understanding, no reaction, just existing. Like you I never dreamt I would be here. There is no slowing this monster down.😢

[@taniawood4471]

You have made the right decision. When you become a caregiver you lose the husband and wife relationship. If you are exhausted your health will be under pressure, then you will not be 100% there for Heather. Heather being in the right place with the specialist care is the best. You are doing amazing, you do this through love. Putting your life out there online will always attract rude horrible people. As mentioned is other comments, let them be there and deal with what you are going through. Stay strong.

[@susanfeneley]

@@taniawood4471 Truer words were never spoken. Thank you.

[@jandole3046]

It's been my experience that a family's presence at a dementia care facility can make a world of difference--it can really make the caregivers see the resident as a person who is so very loved and valued and deserving of high level care. I know that you will continue to be a part of Heather's life, and that will ensure that she is well cared for. That contagious laugh of hers will warm the hearts of those caring for her!

[@Dublin1008]

I'm so sorry John, this social worker should not be in this profession! Unbelievable ! You are such a loving husband and caregiver. Dementia is brutal. You do exactly the right thing. Take good care of yourself ❤❤

[@dawnstarling1348]

How dare anyone say those things ! No one knows what looking after someone with dementia entails, Physically and Mentally, We're with you, Haven't you enough to cope with without people like that, Keep your chin up xxx

[@karimoyer5601]

Having Heather placed in along Term care, is a good thing to do. My father had so much guilt placing my mom in her New Home. She has out lived my father, and she is thriving and doing well. You are doing the right thing, trust me. You’ve got this!

[@holdmybeer2955]

I was a Director of Nursing in a 115 bed nursing home. Not even one minute did I ever see a Social Worker provide any type of direct care.. They are clueless. They cannot say they know more than you sir, they have never walked in the shoes of a direct care provider in any setting.

[@EvelynLeSarge]

John. I have worked in long term care ,you have made the right decision. I asked my husband if I end up with dementia please put me in long term care , people can trade off during a shift if things are difficult that day but you can't do that at home . I hope my husband is there for me if this were to happen the way you have been to Heather. From one dutchie to another.

[@prairiegirl255]

John, I’m so very sorry that the person who describes themselves as a social worker had those comments! Those of us that are so sensitive have such a hard time dealing with those types of comments. You can have 99 positive comments and then that 1 negative one is the one that we dwell on. You have been such a wonderful caregiver! Try your best to ignore that. Only you know what’s best for you and Heather. It is OK. You have made the best decision for Heather to be looked after and in a safe environment. Yana!

[@larah287]

Now, that comment was abusive! Im so sorry they said that, people can be cruel. Thank you for everything you do. ❤❤❤

[@SIMpip374]

That persons rant is one of the downsides of being on social media. Somehow it empowers mean people to be even more mean. They say things that they would likely never say to your face.

[@katharinebatt6934]

I’m sorry that that comment rattled you. Not having read it, I can also say (as someone from the US) that your LTC facilities are very different from ours. Even so, I can’t help but think that if Heather could truly understand what is going on, she would absolutely support the decision to go to LTC. (And she also told you the other day and may truly have understood you.) It is so clear that you love her beyond anything, but she would want you to have happiness. I think you will viscerally feel what an incredible psychological, mental and physical toll your commitment to Heather has been over the past years once she is comfortably moved to LTC. You’re doing the right thing-for everyone-by having professionals keep watch over her and letting you go back to being her beloved husband. Please don’t give this person the air time to feel that they can rattle you. You are doing the right thing and making the reality of these incredibly complicated decisions easier for the rest of us. Thank you.

[@brenekins314]

Great expression “Walk a mile in my shoes”. Caregiver is one of the hardest jobs- it may be a labour of love when caring for a loved one, but it is labour (physically & emotionally draining ). Will Heather get the same level of care in LTC as you have provided in your home No- but for all of us who were at breaking point as caregivers & had to make the LTC decision it is extremely important to be present at the LTC facility daily ( showing up at different times each day) to make sure our loved ones get the care they deserve with dignity & respect! No one knows your and Heather’s situation better than you do-am betting the person critical of your decision has never been a full time caregiver- because those of us who have been know what you are going through!

[@katie2928]

Oh my! That was uncalled for. You are doing the right thing, for you and Heather. Like you said, if it doesn’t work. You can bring her back. You are doing great!❤❤

[@Marzumur]

The change within just one year is pretty drastic! Please don’t doubt your decision to move Heather to a care facility, you have a solid plan to be present and also get some rest and recovery time. ❤

[@TheVelvetTallow]

My family was faced with this some years ago. The placement facility was not very good-and much guilt was also involved. We found that we were able to mitigate this 80% by a family member visiting our loved one daily, even if it was just a little while . You’d be surprised how much better care your loved one will receive when the staff knows they’ll be held accountable by the eyes of family members. Like you said, you can always reverse course. It’s also important to take care of yourself, too. It’s a difficult line to walk. Hugs & prayers for a close by placement

[@SueSassmann-f4l]

Make no doubt about it, John - you are doing the absolute BEST with this impossible task of caring for Heather as she vanishes right before your eyes. I hope you can tell how well supported you are by this collection of family, friends and online folks. Stay the course!

[@wendyganel3353]

People on social media lie. This woman is likely not a social worker but some cruel, miserable person who wants to feel important. Hurting others gives these people joy. I know it's hard to ignore, but you have so many people supporting you on your journey, people like me. I'm just starting my journey with my husband of 52 years. I appreciate your videos so much. It's helping me get some perspective on what's happening to us. You are not being selfish to want time for yourself. Skip the negative comments and focus on all your viewers who care about you and Heather💗

[@KatharineTummon-bj6gj]

John, hello! It’s not just grief it’s the knowing that there is something gone that can’t come back because it is forever gone already. I can see in the clips the heather that was there. Such joy in the small smiles and nods. you must let her go because she is going not because you are failing. Much love. Katharine

[@middlemarie2]

Oh boy. That is tough. Heather will be safer in care. A hundred percent.

[@laurasmith1697]

I am totally with you….i have nursed 2 people with dementia ,my mom and my husband ,you need a brake …. You can visit her ,you have taken care of her , both of my family members passed away at home…do not feel guilty ….you take care of you , my prayers are with you .

[@Seelieness]

The brighter the light shines, the darker the shadow it casts. You've had so much light together.

[@DarleneBonham-q7f]

My cousin's mom, my aunt, took care of her mom who had alzheimers for over 10 years. Her mom went from being a bit disconnected, to totally dependent on others. Taking care of her mom aged her, it impacted her mentally and physically, and she has no happy memories from the last 5 years of caring for her mom. It was a loving sacrifice, but it was a sacrifice that she should not have had to make. I know personally that if I end up with alzheimers or dementia that I would make sure that my family knows that I would want to be placed in a rest home. I love my family, and would not want to burden them with taking care of me and sacrificing their lives. You are doing what is best for Heather, and you made a decision that will allow you to find joy in this life by letting go, but still caring for Heather.

[@carolinecaiger6717]

Everything you do, you do for Heather. Always have, always will. There is no doubt of that. This is very hard for you to go through. Sending prayers your way.

[@Jennlazzaro14]

I’m so sorry 😢people are cruel

[@Rowan2314]

Those of us who listen to what you are teaching, the process and how you handle every situation, we all know how much you love Heather. It's evident in every video. Don't worry about one comment. One person can only do so much. Heather is so loved. She is so lucky to have you John. Because you love her the way you do you will always do what is best for her. Love and blessings.😮❤😮

[@lisatakeitorleaveit]

I am sorry someone said that to you. Unless you walk in someone’s shoes you really can’t know. I believe in you John and I know Heather does too and would want what is best for you and her❤

[@sethvandrasik2226]

John, I don’t even know you and Heather, but I am sitting here weeping with you while you share your past stories and thoughts and videos. Your honesty and genuineness are truly inspiring. You are doing hard work and are facing hard decisions. I commend you on all you have done and will continue to do for Heather, regardless of her placement. I cannot adequately put into words my deep appreciation for your channel. Thank you for your gift.

[@kp8740]

From what I can see, you are doing the right thing John. Her safety has always been your main concern and having Heather in long term care shows that. She will be safe, you will be with her as often as you can, in a relationship where your time together isn’t work, it allows you, and her, to enjoy life as much as you can. Stay strong John. You’re doing the right thing.

[@sewingqueen11]

John you are not planning on putting Heather in a place and walking away. You are going to be there for her everyday. There is a difference. She will still feel loved and cared for. You got this and you both are in my prayers.

[@Carol-v1w]

You made me cry. Please pay no attention to the trolls of youtube. This is the hardest thing for anyone to have to deal with. Remember that its not just about Heather, its just about you as well. You have to take care of you. Please know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers

[@drinajgb2437]

After fifteen years of caring for my spouse I have learned to brush off ignorant judgements of how I care for him. I have seen and heard it all from clueless and judgemental individuals, including family members. I have become very good at not only letting go but of completely cutting off the a**holes. Door slam. Done. It is a liberating action. Try it. Thank you. Nobody tells you that grief feels just like fear.❤And nobody can judge you for something they have not themselves experienced. They cannot share your journey and certainly not your level of pain.

[@KK-rc5ds]

One more comment- my brother had to go to memory care 2 months ago at age 67. It’s for safety reasons- he fell more than once, broke ribs and spent time in ICU. He also fell another time and had brain bleed. He is so cared for at his facility, his room has his recliner from home. The staff made excellent suggestions for ways we could help him out. (Music ideas, ice maker in his room and a light blanket). Always ideas to help with his day. They truly care about him. It’s difficult all the time- but also the most caring for him. I love how you hear Heather talking to you! ❤ She has wisdom!

[@debduame4768]

John, you have to do what's best for Heather and you. If you get hurt, taking care of her, then what? You are doing the right thing!!! ❤

[@susanc2827]

What that person said is criminal......sadly they are just being cruel! 😢 Pay them NO MIND!!! THEY ARE NOT WALKING in your shoes!!!!

[@Enlightenment246]

One of the hardest things about loving someone with Dementia is that you are forced to grieve the person you have already lost, while also trying to cherish the person you still have. John, don’t beat yourself up to such an extent. You have been the most amazing human being taking care of beautiful Heather. The time has come to let go of this enormous responsibility and l have no doubt Heather will be exstremly comfortable in a care facility where she can have special care by trained staff keeping her comfortable. You seriously need to consider yourself and remember you only have one life and you too need to live your life. All the very best John.

[@helenau3192]

I bet that person is NOT a real social worker! I worked in age care for 16 years, and honestly it becomes too hard to care for a loved one at home. My mother had dementia and it was a no brainer.....I placed her in the nursing home I worked at . Don't listen to the trolls John, you're doing the right thing. Much love and respect from Australia.

[@maggiemoo0328]

I am so sorry that you had to put up with that comment. The person in question obviously hasn’t a blooming clue as to how difficult it is to care for someone with dementia. I am also very angry on your behalf. You are a loving and caring man who is only doing the very best for Heather. #YANA ❤❤ PS you so remind me of the emotions and thoughts my dad went through when my mum had to go into LTC - you’re a good man.

[@lesliemorris5695]

You are not getting rid of Heather!! Think of the guilt you would feel if something bad happened to Heather under your care!! One person can only do so much!! You love her and it shows!!!

[@donnahank9413]

John, until someone walks in your shoes, they have no idea what you are going through. Like I said before you have no regrets , you have done so much for her. I was the lone caregiver for my Mother and it was so stressful. This disease is so cruel and it takes a toll on the caregiver. Please do not second guess your decision , it is. best for you and her.

[@dawnbritt870]

I’m not at all surprised that you have these heart breaking waves of guilt. You’ve shown us your kindness and ever lasting love for Heather. I can’t imagine how hard this decision must have been. I’ll be praying for you so hard, I think when this all comes down, you’ll covet all our prayers more than ever……and we’ll be here for you! 🙏🏻

[@jsams4990]

You are still giving Heather the bigger piece of cake by making the decision to provide her with the best possible care that she deserves ♥ You are making the right choice for her.

[@ilovemusic4556]

One thing you MUST know about the negative comments is that it is 100% a reflection of the person posting and their projection of what they either have done or will do to validate their own decisions. It has absolutely nothing to do with your situation and history. If you take on their baggage (and that’s what it is because they are trying to unload it onto you) it does both of you a disservice. You are taking one negative comment and giving it much more validity than all of the others and it doesn’t serve the situation at all. We can see what that person is trying to do for themselves and because you are in a vulnerable situation, they will pounce. Stay strong and dismiss those opinions that are not yours. You know in your gut what is best for Heather. What gives you relief would give her relief. THATS love.

[@jhmumma]

No professional and ethical social worker would attack you and your almost impossible choices. I know I speak for nearly all of us, John because your love and commitment to Heather are evident throughout your video journey.

[@KayeCrosby-yk9sn]

You are definitely doing the right thing for Heather, and it’s obvious how much you love her. Ignore that person who clearly doesn’t know what’s best for Heather. You do!

[@jaykind1249]

It takes a village to raise a child & also to care for someone with dementia. It’s just too much for one person! You are doing the best you can by yourself & Heather. I always appreciate your honesty, sensitivity & thoughtfulness. We are here supporting you!

[@virginiabrown6236]

Ive been a Chaplain for nearly 20 years, both hospital and nursing facility, now retired. Everyone has an opinion, not necessarily the right one for your lives. So many factors are involved here, her decline is now a safety issue. Only YOU know what is best for her future, so please carry no guilt in your decision. I will be praying for you. ❤

[@RND-x8m]

Likewise keeping both of them in my prayers.🙏

[@nancylang4294]

Most social workers are POS. My husband died of glioblastoma (brain tumor). After taking care of my husband for nearly 2 years totally by myself and no contact with that woman she breezed into the hospital one day near the end and said to the nurses that I was never able to cope with caring for him. If not me then who took care of him? The CSST did NOTHING. I still feel rage. The nurses spoke to me and didn't know what she was talking about. I was with him everyday. My health suffered at the end. Please give yourself grace. It is normal and human to have all of these emotions good and bad. That POS social worker knows nothing and has quite intentionally hurt you. I am so sorry she has added to your grief.

[@martyl7066]

Hi! buddy, I feel your pain because I went to the same things you are going through before my husband passed away. Whatever decision.you make, we support you 100%. Thank you for shearing the lovely videos of you and Heather with us. God bless, you and Heather.❤

[@amyferrill770]

(HUGS) I had to place my stroke patient husband after five years. Did I want to? NO! Did I have to? YES! You're doing the right thing and I wish I lived closer so I could tell you what a good job you are doing. Am I being judged by family and friends? Sadly, yes. Today at my husband's nursing home I had a chat with his nurse who supported my insight about his long-term prognosis. Oh boy, what you say about grief and letting go is what I'm going through. I'm so sorry you are struggling. I feel your pain. I truly do.

[@patriciajohnson9654]

John. You are helping me so much. I'm the caregiver in Colorado. Been with my lady 6 yrs. Going thru this process with her is heartbreaking. This disease is truly the long goodbye. They're trapped in their body and we just try to help. With God's help❤❤❤patti

[@JohnvanGurp]

♥️

[@margaretconnery7422]

It's not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination, but your doing what is right for you and Heather. Guilt is very natural in a situation like this.😊 xx

[@estherterrier6400]

John your not being cruel, you can see Heather is declining, it will get more and more difficult. My dad had dementia, we had to put him in a home for his own safety, and once that shuffling starts mobility gets very difficult. Your doing the right thing ,even if it is heart breaking ,prayers with you and Heather xx

[@clairetschirley2684]

I wish I lived next door . I would come over to tell you what a social worker said to me as my father was dying. You are doing the right thing for you and your wife❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@PattyBio100]

Ignore that fake social worker! You do what is best for Heather ❤!

[@carolejackson7044]

Oh John, I’m so sorry that person said such hurtful words, please know that most of us are here to support you and Heather. Your grief and your doubts are honest feelings that most of us would feel in your situation. You are making the best decisions you can for both you and Heather. No one else can make them nor should anyone judge you! We support you and love you both! 🙏🏻🙏🏻💞

[@cindywall9399]

You need to get a few people to moderate your page. To delete the crap from your page before you read it.

[@elizabeth2654]

My heart goes out to you having to read such unimaginable criticism!! She has no clue about the amazing care you have given Heather; she’s just a cruel little human being! You have been a rockstar in caring for Heather, but we all have limitations. Totally dismiss her comments and know that 99.9% of your viewers love you both and totally understand, respect and support your decisions. In fact, you have been a tremendous help to me as I watch what is probably going to happen to my husband soon. Love you both ❤️

[@loririckert7489]

It is hard to believe that a real trained social worker could be so cold hearted. You know what is best for your beloved Heather. You know exactly what she needs and what she would say to you if she could!. You also KNOW she would reassure you that you are doing what needs to be done with her best interests in mind. It is so hard to understand why anyone would be unkind. Listen to your own loving heart! Sending ❤! You are making wise decisions!❤

[@KerriJP]

We see your heart and love for Heather. She is a treasure and you are 💯 treating her as such. I hope you continue to reach out for support - and lots of hugs.

[@SandyTCF]

I agree with Carolyn. Great love and great grief are two sides of one coin. Dementia is brutal. Keep taking care of yourself. You pour so much into Heather. You need to refill as well. I hope the professional care Heather will enjoy will give you a measure of peace. You are a loving husband and when Heather gets more professional care you will still be a loving husband. ❤

[@SandyTCF]

One more comment….Heather’s presentation reminds me very much of my friend’s Mom z”l who had early onset dementia. Though she continued to ‘regress’ as the disease progressed she never lost her pleasant outlook. If anything, she became sweeter. She used to have a quick, acerbic wit and she did lose that over time. But she never became angry, aggressive or even sad. At the end she was immobile unfortunately and then passed. My own mother z”l had dementia and also never when through an angry or aggressive stage. I was in a caregiver support group for a while and it made me very worried about how Mom would change. Thankfully that never happened. I imagine Heather will take the change in stride. Enjoy your presence as much as she is able and live life peacefully. ❤

[@god1bless]

We’re starting to look at memory care faculties for my 86 yr old mom. We’ll do as you have with the inhome helpers for a bit more but her mobility and incontinence, loss of everything, (memory, language, all life skills) are getting to be to much for my 86yr old dad, my 74 yr old husband and me at 65. We can’t continue to in essence run nursing home care for her.