Refusing To Go To School AGAIN

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Every time we think Andy's school refusal issues are behind us, we get a day like this where he refuses school again.
Check out the previous video 👉 • This WASN'T The Plan...
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ABOUT KEVIN CHAPMAN
I'm a 38 year old KZbinr from the UK. I've got a cracking beard and I'm currently going through the autism diagnosis process. I started this channel back in 2017 and by the time I left my full-time job as a Computer Science teacher in July of that year, my partner Anna was trapped in our house by our son Andy, who is autistic and had refused to go to school for 18 months. Our daughters Lucy and Amy and our dog Dave hardly saw me because I was always working to try and solve all our problems! Today I'm a full-time content creator and always at home when the kids get home from school (all our kids!) and Anna has been able to return to university. This channel is the story of my ongoing journey! Previously known as lollujo Vlogs and The Chapman Family.
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#Autism #SchoolRefusal #Anxiety

[@twilliamspro]

A pooing Day sounds like a terrific bank holiday

[@BenKlassen1]

Sorry to hear about Andy's school refusal issues. I can imagine how hard school must seem for autistic people--it is hard enough for neurotypicals; especially socially isolated individuals.

[@AutismandTouretteSyndrome]

I can totally relate. My boy is 6ft tall and when he decides he is not doing something or has just had it for the day, there's no making him. Puberty at its' finest. He thinks he can pull one over on mom and dad, and is trying his best. Got to admit, sometimes I am just too worn down to fight him. Hope the rest of the week is better.

[@themandoLAUREN]

Nick is 6ft now? Omg

[@hannahxx17]

Much love and hang in there. It must be tough but you and Anna are absolutely wonderful parents and are doing a fantastic job raising all your children.

[@aaronfraser1911]

Do you think the restrictions could be playing a part in him refusing? As they're in bubbles etc. they're unable to go to places like the food bank that he went to at his last school?

[@aalynnodell9809]

My brother turned 18 and we had to take him out of school because he refused to go. He missed so many days that it was like he never went. He was supposed to go until he was 21 and that didnt happen. Just know its not anything you're doing wrong. They just have their ways of wanting things and not wanting to do things. Hygiene was also a headache with my brother. We had to make it a game or distract him from his games so he'd shower. Telling him what could happen os he didnt helped too. Things like infections, cavities and what not if he didn't clean up. You guys are doing a great job regardless! Im impressed. Genuinely am impressed. Such great parents! Maybe ask him why he doesn't want to go to school or wash his hair. Sometimes they're just over it. Maybe he doesn't like the smell of he soap? School for that many years has to get exhausting and even i have trouble getting my 12 yr old and 8 yr old in the shower/bath. Any interruption in fun isn't any fun so they don't want to stop having fun to so other things. Awe a pooing day. I need melone of them days. Im backed up lol but i think you're right! He's a smart boy!

[@rothabrooks1464]

Hi Love your channel and love the way that you are making Andy realise even it takes a long time that he can not always get what he wants when he wants.

[@randomness051]

Also, I did the exact same thing with the toilet when I was in infants. Anytime the work got a bit hard or I got bored and just wanted a change of scenery I would go to the toilet. It didn't last for very long as the teachers knew what I was doing and called me out to my parents on parents evening and that was the end of that

[@bensmovies8945]

It’s very tough. But I suppose you have to try and explain to him that there’s not much left of school until ‘summer holidays’ and I guess you could try and ask him to.. go into school and sit in a lesson even if he doesn’t do nothing in that lesson, and just sits in the lesson, but it’s hard because he doesn’t enjoy school, or doesn’t wish to be there and it’s also extremely difficult for him too. It’s not an easy road. But then also, you don’t want him thinking he can get away with stuff either, it’s hard finding a balance.

[@phoebe9149]

When I was at school I would hide in the toilets when I was anxious or didn't want to do something. (I have autism too.) Personally I feel like it might have been a similar situation when Andy kept going to the toilet. Even though it was a long time ago now I can still remember that feeling so vividly. I'd get put in a pressured situation in an awful environment so I would just run to the safest place which is the toilets. It's quiet, you can lock yourself in a cubicle and no one can find you. Once I realized I could successfully pull that off I did it all the time. So I do believe he was either trying to get away or trying to waste time so he didn't have to do something.

[@teadrinkerbritannia2170]

i was/am the same

[@rays502]

Maybe change it too If You Do Work At School When You Come Home You Will Get Your Devices.....get the teachers to commincate with you if hes done work or not??

[@sunsetmeadows5729]

I used to refuse school when I was younger and I hid in the garden once because I really didn't want to go and my mum was making me. I was being bullied at the time though so it was mostly fear making me not want to go.

[@cloud1762]

Same with me i was bullied so i always either went in but pretended to be ill to go home or genuinly tried being ill before going no matter what day it was it wa sliving hell the teachers disnt try to make it better either

[@twilliamspro]

Where has he picked up "Big Smelly Poo" from thats tremendous verbiage

[@niamhed]

I'm not autistic and i'm not sure this will help lol but i have ADHD and PDA and missed tonnes of school, the smallest of sniffles or extra work would cause for one of my many excuses. It was always worse going back after a half term, and then winding up to 2 week halfterms and then the summer holidays because it's that limbo of there being nothing going on but still having a lot to do. Most school work feels pointless and it becomes a mentality of why bother doing this now, i'll just do it in September and it just starts to feel claustrophobic almost. Has he ever been successful with star charts and smaller frequent rewards that you could bring back? I know he doesn't have major desires for a shed load of toys or gadgets but maybe if there is something you can think of then he could have a daily treat for going, weened down to the one bigger treat every weekend further down to say one every month? Might be a bit spenny now but will september be a disaster if he doesn't go these last few weeks? Hope it resolves for you all soon!

[@themandoLAUREN]

I’m adhd, anxiety disorder and suspected autism and I rarely went after my initial trauma which was my nan dying the morning I was meant to go to school and my dad dying 6 months later while I was at school. I was bullied too. So I completely associated school with bad. I was anxious, I was scared and learning was always socially based and I didn’t have friends. I’d come home from school and sleep from exhaustion and then skip the next day and sleep all day cos I was up all night. Once I associate something with bad, I can’t push through the anxiety. If it’s socially based, I freeze up and find it exhausting. I wonder if Andy dislikes the lack of control and associates school with something bad after the issue he had that started the 19 month school refusal.

[@ricksb5]

I think Pda is part of the autism spectrum so wouldn't that make you autistic?

[@niamhed]

@@themandoLAUREN I'm sure that could be a reason and i'm sorry you didn't have a great time at school either! Your nan and dad must of each been one in a million to have had such an impact on you and whilst loosing them caused so much trauma, they clearly meant so much to your life when they were here and that is something to treasure. It's an awful thing to go through but you being here, having gone through all of that and still being a very polite and articulate person would undoubtably mean the most to both of them. I personally felt like doing PE at school was some kind of joke because i would go home from school exhausted as was, i didn't need more 'excitement' tire me out more! Here's to hoping they muddle their way to the summer holidays and can start fresh in September and try again. Sometimes we all just need to forget about now, have a bit of a break and start again fresh. Hope you are well my friend and have a lovely weekend! (I also mean no offence and hope i haven't spoken out of turn in anyway about your family. You still going into these difficult situations shows an enormous amount of strength and i truly believe you can do whatever you want with life!)

[@niamhed]

@@ricksb5 In new money, probably. In old money when i was diagnosed at 5? I'm talking over 15 years ago? No. Things like PDA or even SPD are huge factors in Autistic peoples lives but once upon a time you were diagnosed with a few and not the full branch of Autism. Even today, if i were to get a rediagnosis, i'm not sure i'd be considered Autistic despite definitely being on the ASD spectrum with the way they do it now because i am seriously high functioning and mark the cards for ADHD and PDA with any other 'symptoms' of Autism being easily explained by said ADHD and PDA. So technically speaking, i probably would be now but it's almost like how Autistic people have OCD tendencies but are not diagnosed with OCD. I have two things that are extremely common in Autism but do not tick any of the other boxes and if i did, it's nothing more than say neurotypical people who don't like mushrooms because of the texture. Hope you've had a good day and this weekend is awesome for you!

[@theresalwayshope2616]

Hay fever? It’s make me feel very tired and grotty at the minute. I don’t usually comment, but while I’m here…much much respect to you both, your amazing parents 👌🏾x

[@mariadambrosio3423]

When we moved it took a good year n half for my son to regulate ..we had many regressions..new n fun tics.added bonous along w breaking stuff n meltdwns ..a simple move was a bit traumatic ....

[@Starand321]

I used to refuse to go to school when I was a kid. it made me cry. 🙁

[@Dubbybraden]

Same bro

[@Keeko251]

I am 30 and can rember when I was at school I was the same I have adhd autism dyslexia despraxia there needs to be something at school for Andy to have a reason to be there every day it’s a shame as he is missing out on learning and you and Annea have to go through this but keep removing the devices and stick at it big love take care

[@blackcherry3148]

What about bribing Andy with a day at the pool? Maybe you could also get him one of those big blow up pools for adults for the backyard.

[@craigmason]

Sounds like me Kevin I also used to avoid school like Andy one thing you could try is give him pocket money every time he goes to school

[@jplay1i973]

You know, with hearing stories like this Kev (and Anna), I always wonder what is going on in Andy's head by refusing school. What is he trying to achieve and more impirtant why? That is rather difficult especially when you keep in mind he is in puberty aswell. Andy is a little different then all other kids because of his autism. That is also why I have got a massive amount of respect for parents of disabled children and taking care, looking after these kids, untill their time has come to go and life their own lives in home with loads of guidance. Unfortunately some never realise what a massive task this is for you. What does the child in question know regarding all that adult stuff like puberty? How to cope with that as a parent, next to other issues which come with it? It all is a huge journey of only learning. Getting all questions answered is probably impossible. Autism... It is different but it certainly is NOT broken.....

[@eleanorhudson7941]

I had to leave college because of my social anxiety taking its toll. I missed quite a lot and often went home at lunchtime. I never even coped with a damn half-day and when I was there, I was just a scared wreck! Maybe you should ask Andy why he doesn't want to go to school. It could be anxiety

[@aalynnodell9809]

Surely! Or he's just tired of it. My brother was done when he got older too. We took him out when he turned 18 and he was supposed to go until 21. Its what they have for autistic and special needs children here and after school is done they have programs for them to work. Its actually really neat.

[@theunoriginalartist8731]

Idk whether it's the haircut but you look like you've lost quite a bit of weight, good work Kevin

[@randomness051]

I know it's most likely not the reason but I've never heard you mention it as a possible reason so I thought I'd just add it in case you haven't thought of it, but do you think there might be a problem at school?

[@craigcochrane9540]

hi Kev, I have been watching your content for a long time. I no how hard it can be with an autistic child as my oldest has similar issues. Do you think this change in Andy's behaviour has something to do with Anna starting streaming/working from home etc. (im not saying Anna should stop i think shes doing amazing). It just seems to me that its started around the same time. Hope Things get better for you all..

[@garethcooley3675]

Kev, I just want to take you out and buy you a beer and talk football. Keep your chin up matey - you and Anna are both doing a cracking job especially given all the challenges you guys go through. Love the vlog and the footy manager stuff.

[@gliderdan3153]

Kev doesn't drink alcohol

[@rwmovies]

@@gliderdan3153 there's non alcoholic beer

[@samthecbeebiesscissorseven3536]

I actually refused to go to school this morning because i was too tired and grouchy to go

[@Susanluc59]

My sister in law had the same issues with her daughter, ~~Mary~~ who is autistic. Mary is heavily dependant on electronics as well, and went through the same kind of stage where she didn't want to go to school, only with Mary, she was tiny enough that her parents would put her in the car and take her, so she always went. Her issue was once she was there, she would kick up if she was in a bad mood. The school and her parents devised a system like a traffic light. If Mary came home with a green light, she was allowed her divices, yellow light meant she could only have the divice that meant the least to her, and with her that was her phone. Red light meant no divices at all until next day after school and only if she had a green or yellow. They also had visuals on the wall for her at home and at school so that Mary could have a constant reminder of her goals. I don't know if something like this would help you out, but you might find some use in it. Good luck.

[@johnbailey4618]

Look up interoception and autism the 8th sense . Its about the toilet side of things . My son is autistic and when we found out about interoception from one of the top autism specialist in the uk Everything made sense from behaviour to poo . Some good stuff on youtube and google about interoception

[@AutismTwinsUs]

Difficult to force them and it doesn't really resolve issues, all the best for the rest of the week

[@mysticgeneie4668]

He don't need no, education.

[@jlc973]

LOL! 🤣 Hope you aren't being serious though.

[@charliel3248]

@mysticGeneie that’s ridiculous

[@oscar6890]

@@charliel3248 it’s pink floyd

[@mysticgeneie4668]

@@charliel3248 Bozo

[@rachaelwilloughby8263]

😂

[@Peach_VOxo]

My little girl goes through times where I have to encourage her to walk to places. She's autistic. Have you done a photo board of what he's doing now and next? I find that helps

[@emilygilbert9892]

If he is PDA, Pathologically Demand Avoidant, rewards and consequences will not work and are not advised, if he has PDA he is very anxious about school and simply is not able to go, its not clear if he is or not, it could be worth looking it up as if he is, it is totally different strategies that work. If you use consequences for anxiety they become violent and aggressive and it has no long term positive effect on attendance. I do feel like your strategies are not working and that could be evidence he has PDA, what is he like at school, does he frequently refuse to engage in activities? Look up PDA Societyx

[@simeonyves5940]

Hello Sir. I am Sorry You are having issues with Andy again and You had a School Refusal. I am afraid You are, basically, going to have to force Andy to go in, He needs to be Educated :( My Parents used to *force* Me into School when I Refused, and I was Bigger and Heavier than Andy :( . I am sorry the Bath and Hair washing Routine Disruption caused so many Problems and that Andy was unable to Decompress Properly. I am Ok with Water on My Head, its Water on the Face that causes Immense Problems for Me. I am Sorry the Device Removal did not work. Oh Dear, I am Sorry You had so many Problems. Now, would that be a Meltdown or a big Temper Tantrum? I sometimes struggle to tell the Difference. You need to work out some way to deal with all these Refusals, as, I am sorry to say this, the Care Homes are not at all likely to Tolerate them :( I am glad the Medicine is working Reasonably well. Yes, Andy understands a *lot* more than He sometimes Lets On, that Attempt at Manipulation kind of Proves that :( 4AM, that is Crazy Early when School does not Start until 9. I suffer with IBS, so sometimes I will go Several Times in a Day :( Hmmm, I agree with You Sir, Sounds like Andy is Possibly trying to Dodge Lessons there. Sometimes Independence Focus can have its Downsides. I cannot suggest any Motivators, Sorry :( Nearly 2 Years without School? Yes, the Pandemic and the Complete Change to how School Works has Probably thrown Andy for a Complete Loop. I do Hope that You manage to get Him to go back to School. Well, take care then Sir, I hope You can get this Situation Sorted out Soon.

[@wolfzmusic9706]

that was a sweet comment :)

[@simeonyves5940]

@@wolfzmusic9706 Thank You.

[@garethmacdonald9522]

I Honestly Don't Know How You And Anna Do It Kev...,I'd Be At My Wits End If I Were In Your Position...,Honestly I Take My Hat Off To You

[@joelm1649]

fucking hell ive not seen your videos for so many years must be like 3 years now

[@JourneyLT]

Could it to do with his recent obsession with toilets that you talked about in your last Nottingham video?

[@crazycat1166]

I know it might not be possible with covid but it would be great if you could plan something really exciting that he wants to do in the holidays that would give him the incentive to go to school every day until then. Like a trip somewhere like London or something. Seems like he would benefit for an bigger incentive right now. Not sure when Andy's birthday is but if its after the point which the summer holidays starts maybe you you tell him you will get him a new TV on the first day of the holidays if he goes to school every day until then?

[@aaronmacdonald5397]

I know myself and Andy a different but if I got offered to go to school I would because at the moment I have to isolate off school for 10 days and it's already getting me upset and it's only day I

[@Fredstrains]

Something you could do with Andy is a trip one stop on a train?

[@RachelLittle2010]

Bribe him with London

[@Ellasnaps]

Do you think the restriction ease will assist Andy mentally??

[@tomsautocadstudio6446]

Maybe you get his timetable and homework get him to do it so instead of doing nothing school follows him.

[@gliderdan3153]

Andy doesnt do homework

[@cloud1762]

Im really early but i have autism as well and though its on the lower end i can relate

[@SlartiBartfast2469]

Likewise I'm not heavily impacted by my autism but there are moments

[@cloud1762]

@@SlartiBartfast2469 im on the lower end and as ive grown up its gotten better but before it wasnt any loud noise i hated and would over react i waa bullied alot so anything i could do to get out of school i would even if it was a day i liked

[@SlartiBartfast2469]

@@cloud1762 mine was and to an extent still is water , I wash myself and shower ok but I won't put my head underwater, an old teacher thought that keeping my head down forcibly would work ....... no it was trauma and almost drowned

[@billycox6744]

14 poos

[@charlottevicarage1331]

I hate to be that person, but I would come down HARDER on him now, especially as he an adult, so, you should treat him as such, especially as he is using manipulative tactics. You say, "there's no forcing him", but I can tell you, yes, there is. He may be bigger and stronger, but you are still his parents, and you guys, have the authority. Sometimes as parents, you need to force your kids into things they have to do in life because, we all have to. We all have to do things we don't want to, and we all need a good kick in the pants every now and then. Personally, I think that maybe he should be taken out of school and enrolled in a job now, seeing as school is clearly not working for him now. I said this before, but I would enroll him in a part time job, such as a food bank, or stacking shelves, then he is doing something productive and earning money for himself. This going in the toilets thing, as some people have said already, could be put down to anxiety and school, although their idea of being independent is good, are missing and turning a blind eye to a potential issue and he is playing them.

[@matthewdelaney3919]

He could have bow problems kev.. I have a condition were overy couple of days I poo 10 times a day , I would go to a doctor if he keeps on pooping

[@Kieran319]

That’s not good

[@Dubbybraden]

I'm early I don't have autism but do have anxiety and sometimes refuse school cause of it

[@sambee8982]

I used to refuse School if I feel that the work in lessons is too much for me to take in, if I'm tired or I've got something else on my mind....

[@heartbreak...5371]

Poor Andy

[@TheGuv25]

My concern is that the punishment could also be exacerbating his anxieties. And as someone who is properly been diagnosed with autism, to me punishments just make things worse.

[@rebeccaturner4988]

Hi home bargains have a gold giraffe for sale

[@LexusGTOmega]

It's July, and he's going to school?

[@Dubbybraden]

Poor Andy