Ren - Su!cIde (Official Music Video) || Goth Reacts

[@TehZombish]

Never apologize for your emotions. You aren't here to be another run-of-the mill youtuber. we are all here because you're real. And emotions are real. We all love you, and I'm so glad you're here.

[@SlashleySlays]

thank you so much.. much love to you!

[@Bearlissimo]

@@SlashleySlays absolutely this Ashley, Ren has a way of reminding us that it's ok to think about the unthinkable, it's ok to feel the things you cannot contain, and it's ok to struggle, but what he's also done is unite us in recognising that we all share these qualities, yes qualities, that we all regardless of anything else used to separate us can unite in loss, in love and in sympathy or empathy... This is Ren's Opus to us all & he knows that KZbin & other social media networks will shut this down if possible because it's an uncomfortable subject.... Fuck comfort, let's embrace challenge & each other... Love y'all.

[@gabrielstratton1775]

Truth bombs! Never stop being the slashly that you are

[@donalddodgen93]

Thank you for your vulnerability, you got my sub for sure. Thank you for being brave and showing us pieces of you.

[@AssassinDK2]

I agree completely. Emotions makes a person human and relatable. The problem with society is that people are often hiding emotions, because it's considered "a weakness", when it's actually the opposite. The problem often arises because people say "talk to someone", when that is really hard to do in that situation when you feel worthless, irrelevant and so on. People who know you should be able to see the signs and grab a hold of you and talk to you, instead of waiting for the person to come to them.

[@ricci8497]

For those not aware of the events behind this song @RenMakesMusic And here's (part of) the writeup that Ren shared before the premiere and sent to his email list: I first met Joe when I was 8 years old, my friend Josh said I had to meet this guy, so we both walked over to his, it took about 10 minutes from my house. I was greeted by this kid covered head to toe in freckles, he grinned at us, climbed onto the back of his sofa and screamed “Swanton Bomb!” then front flipped off the top and landed right onto his back on a stone floor. He lay still for a moment, twitched a few times, then got up, grinned at us, brushed himself off, and did it again. This was Joe. He’d do anything to make people laugh. He ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was there when we stole our first cigarettes out of his mums pack, way too young. He was there when I had my first kiss, with a girl twice my size on the back of the 42 bus. He was there when I first got so drunk I threw up in the woods after drinking as much white lightning Cider as we could. I was there when he did his first backflip on skates, and saw him do a 720 off of the pier cave, that moment became legendary. Joe was the funny one in our friend group, he’d make us laugh till it hurt. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was impossible not to like him. Usually we put celebrities, athletes and actors on pedestals, turn them into role models and admire them from a far. The person I admired was Joe. Him and Sagar knew every word to the songs id write, we’d get drunk at parties and they’d be singing along as loud as they could. It gave me a lot of confidence back then. On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the juke box and put Dig by Incubus on. If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe id have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said happy Christmas and left. Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the main land to the isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialling then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone. As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived to the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late. Joe’s body was never found. Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body. We still haven’t found Joe. As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, freckled angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since.

[@alexiaspaedt-mcintosh5311]

Such a powerful song I was a freaking mess yesterday when it came out. I have cried every single reaction. I just want to hug Ren. Anyone who is in the dark spot please reach out for help and stay with us!

[@joguipo]

I was a mess too... Then "I was late like a jerk" it me deep... So deep...

[@XxS1lencerxX]

Being late like a jerk ... If only i'd have gone out 20 years ago ... If only i'd said " yeah bro , i'm omw" i could've taken his keys ... I could've stopped him from wrapping the Honda around a lightpost...

[@joguipo]

@@XxS1lencerxX she did it differently; but yeah...

[@XxS1lencerxX]

@@joguipo there's only "what if..."

[@theliikedanuss]

Actually sitting crying at the airport at the moment waiting for my flight , this even after I’ve heard it 6 times already. It hits hard with emotions and goes through your entire soul , thank you Ren for being real and sharing your vulnerability and beautiful talent ❤

[@SlashleySlays]

my wonderful friends.. I have seen that many of you have commented on this video.. and I promsie.. I am trying my hardest to get through all of them.. If I don't today. I promise I will soon! but just always know that you are heard. loved and worthy of such a beautiful life BEYOND what you ever thought was possible. Thank you for being YOU.. as much as many of you tell me the same.. I'm here to thank you all AGAIN AND AGAIN 🫂 SO PLEASE... be kind to you and those around you ok? I will talk to yous soon ❤

[@itspickleric138]

The last 8mins or so of this reaction is perfect example of why Ren is needed, he creates discussion about topics that need discussed but get stigmatised, he creates openness & positivity and positive change and helps people so much. I’m new(ish) to your channel I found you through Ren but in the month or so I’ve been watching I can see what a truly beautiful & amazing person you are. Thank you for being vulnerable and showing that it’s ok ❤❤❤

[@SlashleySlays]

Ren definitely opens up more of a platform for people to discuss their feelings and what they see as themselves being vulnerable.. and that's completely ok. We as humans can't do it all and sometimes need that little bit of help. Thank you for all the sweet, kind words. hope you are well

[@rodnikify]

I never talk about this. A little over 20 years ago. I was living in my moms basement. One of my friends showed up in the middle of the night. He asked if he could stay for the night. But being afraid my mom would get mad for letting someone she didn't know come in and stay in her house. I told him I couldn't but I would hit him up the next day. The next day he was found hanging from a tree in the woods. I've always blamed myself thinking if I would've let him stay that night he would still be around.

[@SR-71BlackbirdA2]

An absolutely beautiful tribute about Ren's very close, childhood friend Joe, who committed suicide by jumping off from a bridge. Sadly, they never found his body.

[@SlashleySlays]

that's so heartbreaking...

[@MrNiccholas]

@@SlashleySlays beyond that, Ren got a call in the middle of the night from another friend who Joe had called to say goodbye to. Ren lived closest to the bridge so he started running trying to stop him. Joe's phone was ringing at first and about 5 minutes before Ren got to the bridge the phone went out of service and Ren knew he was too late.

[@TheFrisken95]

@@MrNiccholas 2 minutes. He was 2 minutes late.

[@techiebeardie]

I drive over that bridge a lot and it's been far too common an occurrence for people doing what Joe did. My heart aches when I drive over it and I immediately think of Ren and this song.

[@kevh953]

Ash there are 2 reasons why you have reached 20 thousand subs, firstly because you are a genuinely beautiful soul and secondly the other 7.8 billion earthlings have yet to find your channel! Great reaction as always, keep smiling and stay strong ✌️

[@SlashleySlays]

ughh.. thank you so much.. I'm just beyond very thankful for each and every one of you

[@jamesheath9514]

This one hits hard. Lost a high school friend in similar way. Take care of yourselves and each other. Don't ignore people that need help. They always don't say they need help but they always show signs. Don't wait until it's too late. Love you all

[@ddevil4980]

Lost 6 friends to suicide before I was 21. That was in the 90's and the early 2000's. I couldn't stand to go to anymore funeral after the 4th.

[@wolframvonstein7303]

@@ddevil4980 Man... I'm deeply sorry, that's... rough.

[@Peacetrain66]

So hard, but so important to try to let people know how this decision can affect the people who love you. Ren just did 2.5 hours on Twitch to check on everyone after such a heart breaking video. Such a great person.

[@patcow9999]

Oh Ash, you are not alone in how this song gets you. You are right, even if at times we don't think we are, we are so important. We complete many friends and family jigsaw puzzles. We need to reach out more, not be afraid to ask when we need help, even just someone to speak to. This is such a beautiful song, you can see he has reached out to his special friend, Joe both in Freckled Angels and the end of How to be Me. Now this special song. What an incredible talent Ren is, no one tells a story like him, this is truly his time and I'm sure Joe continues to be part of what makes Ren.

[@Ph4n_t0m]

oh my god before this video even starts, BIIIIG HUUUGS you beautiful soul! I just know this one's gonna wallop ya.... You're amazing and wonderful and adooooored!

[@SlashleySlays]

thank you so much! and the biggest of hugs sent your way as well!!!

[@krystin_from_303]

I came to say something like this, but you said it perfectly. What a dear, beautiful person you are Slashley!

[@voicualex5392]

"i'm not crying, ur crying". no brother, we're all crying

[@garyjarvis7572]

@@voicualex5392 Bucket .loads of tears 🙏💙😎

[@timwylie]

I can tell you exactly why I subscribed: your genuine reactions to Ren's content and your push to make sure people know they are worthy. You're kind and honest, and the type of influence I want to surround myself with. Thank you.

[@johnlasky7766]

Thanks for being vulnerable with us. This is a really hard song, but I think it's super important. Much love Ash -hug-

[@SlashleySlays]

thank you... and it's a song that hurts.. and I feel everyone can relate to in some way..

[@johnlasky7766]

@@SlashleySlays For sure! I really think it was a creative way of looking at what it's like from different views of the topic, Ren's ideation and the trauma the act causes to others. it really made me stop and think about personal life experience and I immediately empathized with Ren. I cried, it hurt, and i feel some sort of healing, a tweak to the internal narrative. I think maybe this will impact other people as well, in positive ways. Thank you for uploading these heartfelt reactions; You are a shining star!

[@TheBrainfishes]

There are people on the internet, who I have known for years, who I love, who I have never met and likely will never meet, and who are directly responsible for me still being here. Internet communities and friendships are all that some people have right now, all that I had for a long time. They are as equally important and valuable as in-the-flesh relationships. Ash, thank you for being vulnerable and honest and open, thank you for a raw reaction without pretence or ego. Streamers and communities like yours make the world a brighter, warmer place.

[@LeeannG]

I felt wrung out yesterday and wiped clean today. That song wrecked me, but had a really cathartic effect for me. I def listened to it a few times and then just rocked some silence for the rest of the night. Since I usually get bored if I don’t have an earbud playing something, it was weird but cool being in a mood where I just wanted to hear my own thoughts. Now that I’ve said all that, imma hit play and get emotionally wrecked again with you

[@Lynxeye-Youtube]

Proud compatriot of the poet whose poem goes below, I believe that the poet spoken of in it could well be REN. "The poet is a feigner He feigns so completely That he comes to feign the pain Of the pain that he truly feels. And those who read what he may write, Upon reading his pain feel all too well, Not the two pains that he has, But rather only those pains that they do not have. And it is that way on the circular tracks, It wheels round, to entertain reason, That wound-up train That calls itself the heart. in Autopsychography - F. Pessoa" Seeing your reaction reminded me of this.

[@simontemplar3359]

This song and these reactions matter so much. This conversation being out in the open will save lives. At least 1, and if it does that then it was worth it. Anybody reading this, if you have lost someone to suicide, forgive yourself. If you are feeling alone and dark, you aren't alone. There are people who care. Hell hit me up! I'm always down to listen. The point is that we are in this together.

[@frasermackintosh3176]

This song is going to break more and more ppl who react to it and im here for it cuz it means we can see ppl's raw reaction to it and they get to tell there story if they feel comfortable enough. Fair play for being honest and congrats on 20k

[@williamsummerson1204]

Beautiful reaction Ash. Ren's talents have no limits, his music is so f'n relatable and this song is no exception. Congrats on the 20k subs, you are an exceptional person and we love and appreciate you very much.🙏🥰

[@randlewilliams8288]

I have listened to this four times and each time I have cried, and that’s ok. Ren is just so different, honest and thought provoking, the guy just stirs your emotions, he connects like no other. Never apologise for crying. Feel sorry for those that can’t cry, they are the ones who need help. 20,000 of us love watching and listening to you 🥰

[@kevinmundis1281]

Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your emotions. Sending you a big hug!! Appreciate ya.

[@SlashleySlays]

appreciate it and you!

[@michaelmcdaniel6194]

I was literally refreshing KZbin hoping you had hit this one! Great reaction as always. 🖤

[@SlashleySlays]

aweee I really appreciate this and you!!

[@jonathanbradshaw2665]

You're a good human Ash. Thank you for being authentic. I think it's why we keep coming back (not to watch you cry, per se) but to be with your honesty. As regards Ren, who the fuck does that? I'm 60 and a lifelong music fan, I can't think of anyone who ever laid their heart bare and actually cried in the delivery of their own lyrics like he has in this recording, it's so raw! The guy is a phenomenon and there seem to be millions of us who are connecting to his message. You're helping to spread that. Strength to your arm and I'm sure 30K won't be far away.

[@CasperLD]

It's 25 years since one of my best friends took his own life. This brought me back to how raw it was all those years ago. I was numb after hearing this yesterday. I cried many times thinking about all the things we would have done, what kind of man he would be now, if he'd have kids.....just the possibilities and potential that was never realized all because he didn't want to appear to be weak and alway put a front on that he was tough and nothing bothered him 😢. Oh I'm crying again....

[@darrenraffan7804]

Thank you for reminding us all that we matter and that we are important. And so do you Ash. You are loved and your light shines so brightly in the World and there are at least 20 thousand voices who believe the same. Bless your heart 💔

[@Sense008]

Sometimes crying is all kinds of things that have been built up breaking through a dam because of a hard hitting song/movie/conversation. It is for me. I am all for crying, I have great difficulties crying myself. Not because I don't want to, but because the tears don't come, until they come and then like half years worth of hurt comes pouring out all at once. That is exhausting, but also so very relieving. Ren is an artist that can bring out my tears. Never ever apologise for crying, it's just human. And in my experience it's a lot better getting it out than keeping it in, when the onion ninja's sneak up on you. Lot's of love

[@travisnoffsinger1703]

Great reaction… Ren is such an important and gifted artist. You are important to us too Ash! Love your reactions and your fun and clever personality and your sweet kindness and beautiful heart. You deserve this. 🙂You have a great community here. So many awesome blessings to come for you…. and for everyone. We just need to keep the faith

[@beelzebubbalicious]

Thank you, Ash. 🙏 I appreciate you, and your wisdom, caring and emotion. I can’t imagine anyone watching this and not crying. I sure was. And congratulations on 20k. Much deserved.

[@SlashleySlays]

Thank you so much, you are beyond appreciated as well!

[@JPowell1611]

we love you! seeing somebody enjoy a song that we like scratches that same itch as showing an irl friend your favourite song and they gas it up. what sets you apart is how genuine you come across, keep up this trajectory and you break 100k easily x

[@killianray6859]

You shouldnt be ashamed of your tears, i can almost guarantee that we all have the same emotions listening/watching this. If anything, its more endearing seeing that you understand the way Ren's music makes people feel.

[@troydruckenmiller1751]

Thanks for being genuine. You are a beautiful diamond created by your creator to be unique and wonderful to so many people. Know that I am praying for you for your happiness and joy in your life. Now just be like Ren and keep lifting people up like you already do. Thank you sister from another mister for just being you.

[@alexlongmore621]

I really appreciate the personal feels that you’re sharing in this video and probably multiple others. You are a good person. Please keep doing KZbin we really miss you

[@SlashleySlays]

for real.. thaank you so much for the kind words

[@walkerig1]

That took courage on your part but Ren's honesty is what lets others speak of their pain and may be tell others we are there for them as you have.

[@SlashleySlays]

without a doubt, soooo true

[@iamlovingawareness2284]

My question is how people listen to this song and don’t cry. Whether it’s empathy or through relating by personal experience it’s heart wrenching to listen to. My best friend committed suicide not long ago (only a year). The worst part is, Right before he ended it I cut him out of my life. He was experiencing severe ptsd and psychosis from war and he started thinking I was planted in his life by the government. I couldnt bare to become the boogeyman to someone id known and loved since I was 17. We talked constantly on the phone for hours at a time. Other than my wife, I never had a friend I could do this with. I felt so much guilt to leave him behind. It tore a hole in me when he chose to end his life. I just want to see him one more time.

[@TJKlownttv]

Love these reactions It's a deep song Thanks for being an amazing person and reactor and everyone reading have an amazing day

[@CDubock]

The last thing i said to one of my mates that killed her self "you are ok though arent you?" Her reply "yes of course i am" 2 days later she was gone

[@nrsvlda70]

You are not alone… I’ve watched this 3-4 times and cried my eyes out each and every one. In some ways (for me)) it’s cathartic.. but I know for many people it’s very, very difficult - bc this is so raw. Thanks for your sincere reaction.. (new subscriber here) and I enjoy all your reactions - I’ve seen many now! Take care of yourself!

[@stassone88]

I'm one of those unfortunate souls who don't feel that emotional connection to music, but for some odd reason, I am able to feel that emotional connection by watching other's reactions to music. It is this reason, and your fun personality that earned my subscription. Stay diverse in your reactions and keep being you, and you'll see 100k subscriptions and more before you know it.

[@DarrellW_UK]

Hey Ash, this is why I think so much about you! Your heartfelt thoughts and feelings, nothing can ever replace them. Ren has a great formula for songwriting, every one carries a profound message that most of us can relate to and appreciate, some more than others! Keep being yourself, you’re the one that makes your own success, every subscriber you get is deserved and does it for the same reason as the rest of us all - you 💖🌹

[@richardlyons7582]

You can never forget the "WHAT IF" It haunts us all but how many "WHAT IF" have we done for the positive. ❤

[@sooziew1938]

Wow... I never thought of it this way. So thank you. I unfortunately have the experience of the what if situation with a young lad I worked it. I had a deep chat with him on his last day... that conversation haunts me with what ifs. But your right how many good conversations or a simple smile at someone might have made a positive impact! Thank you for this comment.

[@greglecig5549]

Ren really having the internet in tears for two days straight. I don’t know how he does it but he is a special, special person. I’ve watched so many reactions and I’ve shed tears on everyone one of them. Congratulations on 20k (that was fast it seems like) We love you too ❤ you are such a beautiful soul and person. Thank you for your reaction 🖤

[@KarriSimone]

My thoughts exactly!!!

[@gumbyjeeves2988]

As a Vet who has lost friends to suicide and a parent to homicide, the pain never really goes away, it just turns into an old friend that likes to visit on occasion and fuck up your day. You aren't the only one crying by the end of it, and there is no shame in it. Thank you for being you.

[@benespinosa6725]

Awesome Reaction Video Ash You're the best 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

[@andrewg3238]

Ahhh gees Ash I didn't think you would get to this new work by Ren so quickly. It is a masterful piece of work, how Ren has been able to focus his still obvious pain into something so powerful is mind boggling. He is a 21st century lyrical Vincent Van Gogh. So many of Ren's lyrics will I imagine will stay with me. In this particular piece of artistic genius it is 'only one movement to expose our fragility'. Having been where Ren's mate Joe was, the only thing that prevented me making a different choice was the catastrophic effect I knew it would have on those that I was important to as a person. Somehow knowing that gave me the strength to keep battling through. So often we try to control our emotions, bottle them up, try to be strong when we are feeling we are not. That is not the way, being open, vulnerable, seeking help and different perspectives to battle the demons we think are real but are just our 'shadow' is. Don't ever think you need to be sorry for showing emotion Ash. By doing so, you might just save a life. On-wards to 50K subscribers my friend.

[@joshromanik4056]

The last part destroyed me. There were about 20 people I went to school with that ended their lives within a year. Several good friends among them. I was working for a carnival that summer and came back home to the news. Always check on your friends, especially the ones who always Seem happy.

[@vikemosabe]

Ren has a unique way of saying things that we can all relate to, even if we haven’t experienced the same situation. Ren’s music allows us to feel his hurt and apply it to our own pain.

[@_JD..JD_]

Sending you love and a big hug! I love your channel and the fact that you keep things real. Just like Ren, you are sunshine in our lives ❣

[@SlashleySlays]

really do appreciate it more than you know.. sending hugs your way as well

[@TheOtherBrotherAli76]

Never apologize for connecting with Ren. I found your channel because of Ren and I couldn't be happier. I'll never get tired of seeing people touched on a soul level by Mr Ren Gill. You're awesome and your channel is awesome. Thanks for being human.

[@officialnucky]

I appreciate this video so much, I do, but I had to leave after 12 minutes as I was an absolute mess watching it Thank you for your reaction, I love seeing real human emotion, but I'm running out of tissues I wish you and everyone all the best and I pray we can all just be happy one day

[@chrisyravenconlin]

I found the Ren community exactly when I needed them, right when a major bombshell horrible change in my life was about to drop on me. People on the internet are real. And then can make the best friends and supports. I feel so alone and unimportant and the lowest I’ve been in my life. I cried right along with you. Thanks for the positive messages. ❤️

[@dragondarkly9503]

Thank you for being real and genuine. Also, on a side note. I love your shirt. White Pony was my favorite album from them!!

[@jrbush1]

We are all crying with you. This song is a gut punch, but only because the emotions are real, and Ren has a way of drawing it out of us. Great reaction--I really appreciate what you do.

[@1938superman]

I have lived most of my life with depression and suicide. The one thing I feel that people who are (gratefully) on the outside of these problems miss is how important conversations like this are. Being careful not to recklessly set off fragile people is important. But being afraid to have the discussion at all is a huge mistake and dangerous. One of the main reasons I was suicidal when I was young was because I felt alone. Nobody understood me and nobody ever would. It would just be me, alone, in pain, forever. That's what I believed. I am glad we now live in a time where these conversations are had more often and more in the open. But we have to show courage here, as well as compassion, when it comes to these conversations. To be honest and willing to be vulnerable to each other. I have yet to see anything from Ren but talent, courage, vulnerability, and determination. And I hope he keeps it up. But you deserve some credit for your reaction video here too. The reason you shouldn't apologize for your emotions is because this is the reason people are here. To experience this thing with you. To witness your vulnerability and your honesty about it. Because they like you. And because they trust you. There are videos that are just meant to be fun. Those are important. But these hard ones are important too. Don't ever be ashamed to feel. Do it as much as you can for as long as your can. It's the very thing that makes us human.

[@fourcornersofbrighton]

This one has been hard for most of us; fans and reactors both. I have dealt with depression for most of my life and much of what has kept me here is the realization of how it would hurt those I love. The second half of this song is brutal but it is also a good reminder of how it hurts those left behind. Musically, it's another masterpiece! The video is beautiful as well. I think the animation was a great choice for this one. Louis Mardlin is the video editor for Ren's animated type videos and he did a fantastic job. Thanks you for your honest reaction and willingness to share.

[@BarberMidnight]

Ive been depressed for 20 years now, Suicidal for the last 3. Its shit like this thats kept me here no matter how hard for me personally it has been. I dont know how much longer personally ill be around and thats fine but im glad i was long enough to witness Ren and this song in particular. Its incredibly important to a lot of people, As is he.

[@erikpalumbo2400]

Hope you can stick around a bit longer.

[@travisdutton5336]

As TheZombish said don’t apologize for your feelings. To anyone that is watching this video with this reactor that reads this who has issues with self harm. Ren has a way of describing the feelings of losing someone close to you on this cause, that is 100% spot on. Just keep that in mind and listen and pay very close attention to the last half of this song and think about who you are close to. Ask yourself if those people will feel this way 😢😢😢. This reactor has placed a number into the description. Please call that number and save your life if not for yourself then for the people who love you because it don’t matter who you are you are loved by someone.

[@BillyGreenlee]

I’ve cried at every reaction you’ve done to Ren’s music. I’ve never had an artists music hit me so directly as his does. And I’ve never seen a content creator with a more pure and true reaction to music. Love your channel. And thank you for being a bright light in this world full of doom and gloom.

[@ridgeback4374]

Its amazing. The world looks at you and sees the purple in your hair, the goth attire, the eyelashes, and whatever else people want to judge personality, character, and experience by. The world looks at me and sees the straight white bearded blue collar guy working construction, and whatever else they want to judge my personality, character, and experience by. In reality, We have so much in common. Ive been enjoyin your reactions. It's a beautiful chain reaction that Ren has started. I hope it is as therapeutic for you as it is to me. I'll keep checking into your content in the future

[@thebulletproofpoet1744]

An uncle of mine took his own life and I have scars on my wrists from when I tried to take my life. I've been through a lot in my life but spent to much time scared to say anything. I'm doing better now. I love Rens ability and willingness to expose himself and issues that need to be talked about.

[@philk9227]

Ash don't ever apologise for showing emotions. It is what makes us human. Ren's pain in this is palpable and to empathise and shed tears is not a weakness but a strength. The strength of connection, compassion and love. We need more of this in the world. We all love you and your good heart, keep doing what you are doing.

[@GauldenBoi]

Hearing Ren break down in the end is the only reminder I need that I could never take myself out. I can't make anyone feel like that, especially now having a son. My girlfriend and our son honestly saved me.

[@kaotikgemini8458]

Def never apologize for crying. I put so many walls up after my Dad let himself go 23 years ago. it took me at least 10 years to accept it and move on. Breaking them walls down are so much harder than building them. Talking about it is so important. I wished I had known that sooner. Finding emotions again after only knowing anger left my emotions very unstable. Im still working on that. Youre very welcome! Always appreciate and respect genuine reactions. Letting them tears go is a great way to release.

[@luisfelipesotoalvarez74]

Thank you to you too. Thanks for sharing with us your feelings, your thoughts, your love. You're amazing and of course you worth a lot. I love your honest reactions, so pure. As Ren said: "we must not forget that we are human beings" and you my friend are a beautiful one, thanks for that. Send you a very strong hug Ash. 🖤✨

[@frankcousins6479]

I think everyone will be moved to tears by this and never apologise for how you feel. The world would be a much better place if more folks had this live of compassion.

[@richwwardrugby]

Ashley you have a beautiful, gentle soul and yet you are so much stronger than you realise. To show your vulnerability takes bravery and guts in spade loads. I have never wanted to reach inside a TV more and just give you a hug. Just so you know I am a 66yr old grandfather and I cried. Ren is so so precious, a gift to the world we will all benefit from bringing this sensitive subject to the forefront. x

[@swarnendukarfa8480]

Love your videos. You are such an uplifting person. You deserve way more than 20K, much love to you.

[@SlashleySlays]

thank you!

[@cepherus]

Thank you for reacting. Ren has a way of reaching in and tearing out my heart. Thank you for being here and reacting so we know we are not alone. ❤

[@ulisesreyes9160]

Most of my friends started dying at a young age because of drugs, the youngest being JOSH who never even got to turn 18. It's the one that hits me the hardest because josh before all the bad was the kindest most gentle person I have met even to this day. Our thing was to go skateboarding so now that he is gone i have dreams about meeting him at the skatepark and it brakes my heart every time I'm about to wake up in my dream i offer him a ride home like I always used to and he tell me " I think I'm just going to stay here thank" and i walk away knowing he is in a better happy place he would want to be.

[@ninasommerkorn]

Don't apologize! The first time i heard the song i was absolutely caught off guard, i just stared at the screen and cried. Heavy shit and unfortunately so damn relatable❤ I appreciate you being so genuine, you seem like great person to have around I'm glad that i found your videos❤

[@gothempress]

Hey Ash. I have been lurking and watching your Ren reacts videos. I just discovered him about 6 weeks ago. His music is so moving, it's something I resonate so deeply with because, like Ren, I suffer from chronic pain and illness, mental disorders and deep trauma. This song in particular gets me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I lost a friend a week after my 21st birthday. He was my best friend and it was an ugly, ugly death. I feel like Ren does. Joe was his friend who jumped off a bridge. Roy didn't jump, but he took himself out with drugs. Ren has this way with his words to vividly and articulately pinpoint how many of us feel about similar situations. Your heartfelt message at the end really added a lot on. Just like in "Hi Ren," most of us go through a period where we feel lost and torn between ourselves, or we face a profound loss and can't breathe through the pain of it. It's nice to see that you connect so well with your audience. You are not alone, either, lovely. I hope you know that you are a valuable and worthy person just as you are and you are enough. Thank you for sharing your light, too. Ya got yourself 20,001 subscribers (well more like 22,1001 at this point, hehe!)

[@Melly01]

I'm old enough to be your mama. But I feel your light and goodness and I'd really just like to hug you and cry it out together right now. This one hurts and it doesn't matter why ... we hurt together, the emotions are the same even if the reasons aren't. Sending you love and comfort. I'm glad to be part of this community, where hearts matter and age doesn't. After all ... "we are human beings." ❤ 🫶

[@StephanieEMT16]

Ren nails this one. The first half of this song is like reading my journal with better words than I could put down on paper. It is so accurate because I have most of the same medical issues as Ren so I know that feeling of being sick and no one can figure out what to do. I mean doctors btw. When you reach out for help and not any “friends” because that’s what they tell you to do, no one answered me. Ever. It’s an awful feeling to be going through hell mentally and physically because of illnesses you have no control over but NO ONE wants to hear that you’re struggling. That was my experience. He talks about it “never being the right time,” I 100% know what he’s saying. I would think about it and then say “well (fill in the blank) is coming up so it would be INCONVENIENT for me to do it and mess up someone else’s plans.” Even in the worst times, it felt like I would be bothering other people if I did. You go there when you have to deal with all of this stuff. You get tired of the panic attacks and ptsd attacks and depression and autoimmune issues and chronic pain and vertigo and (insert long lost from here). Anyway, Ren is able to e press that and then the other side of everything you lose when you know someone that did it. People knew I was struggling and I reached out but no one was actually there. They say “I’ll call you and we can talk” and then the phone doesn’t ring, or “hey come by and we will talk” and you get there no one answers the damn door but you know they are home. You can’t help but be in that place. I’m literally just trying day by day to push myself to be “ok” and it’s an every day thing. We don’t get a break from the physical illnesses and they don’t let up and when the drs don’t know what to do, then what? And the end when. Ren says what it’s like to be the friend that was “late”…… that happens and eats away at you too. He hit both sides and relating to it all, well it got me. Thanks for your honest reaction. ❤

[@MrBurleyfish]

Not only does suicide rob its victims of their childhood it robs them of their childhood memories. It is like every reflection the person was a part of is now tainted, difficult, taboo, ruined. You could tell a thousand stories about the person and yet every one of them would have the same tragic ending .... When 20 years of memories suddenly become Triggers🥺

[@AviarSavijon]

Thanks Ash for spotlighting Rens latest release. Next to Hi Ren this is the most powerful music video I've seen. Peace comes from my phone screen. When the joy is so raw. Congrats on 20k subs. And to Ren thanks foe telling us about Joe Hughs the friend you lost. He is remembered!

[@lavenderwalrus9875]

this was an absolutely wonderful way to handle a truly tragicly beautiful song that makes me so happy to havve found your channel through rens music and in turn been given the confidence to finally watch some of the songs of rens that I havent dared to before. I am glad to have been able to watch this along with you and to have seen your stunningly genuine openess and the graceful way you embraced your emotional response to it and in doing so gave me the permission I didnt realise I needed to feel mine. I thought finally watching this song now that I am past the point of my own personal suicidal thoughts would make it hit gentler and be less likely to shatter me as it has done, given how wrong I was I am again glad and thankful that your video indirectly allowed me to not watch it alone and stabilise enough to let myself feel all the remembered pain it brought out in me. Thank you for this long tearful beautiful video.

[@1sizefitzall-bf8yf]

Please, please, please never apologise for showing your emotions Ash. It shows your empathy, your humanity……..your real realness. I watch many reactors, and have been subbed to your channel for a long time now, and I rarely comment, but I felt a real need to tell you just what a great job you always do. Thank you……love and peace

[@spidahnw]

This is what Ren wants, for people to be more open about subjects like this! I found you a couple of weeks ago and you basically introduced me to Alex Terrible which opened a whooole other can of worms (put a 180 on my preferred music). But every video I've watched of yours so far has put me through every emotion possible and that's all we need in life, something to laugh about and something to cry about. Keep doing you, from what little I've watched so far you have a great personality and a fun sense of humour. Thank you for putting a smile on my face!

[@debrashrider4062]

Ren gave all the gift of releasing our tears. I dart about visiting reactors to let you know not only do we listen, but we hear you. You are never alone. Ren has limited time each day, but he does visit reactors

[@KateinVA]

I just discovered you today. You are delightful and empathetic. In this video you’re talking about reaching 20K subscribers and now I see you’re at nearly three times that. Congratulations on your success, you added one more with me.

[@patriciaspaeth4215]

You are the best, Ashley. I'm really struggling, my 37yr.old son was murdered in cold blood. Early Sept, this year. Coping is immense, I can't find any solace...

[@maxmacpherson1957]

Great reaction and you are very special to us, your subscribers! ❤

[@seth1455]

You're a goof ball with eyelashes that can be seen from space, but you have a heart of gold and bucket loads of charisma. I'm so glad I came across your channel

[@louise11854]

thanks for being real. ren is so real. your and my tears are real. and please, ash, you don't need to second guess your words. your feelings are sincere and well expressed. God bless you, young woman. much love, kathleen

[@MiladySK]

I just came across your channel today and Im glad I did. Thank you! My divorce was finalized and then I lost my cousin (named after me so now I dont like people saying my name) to the title of that song, S*Ic*de in 2020 then my brother to cancer in 2021. My major depression and anxiety has spiraled to the point Ive become agoraphobic these last 2 years without familial support. These reaction videos have been helping to calm my inner storm for a little while. Hi Ren is exactly what plays out in my mind. Since that song Ive been also obsessed with what Ren will do next. He's so honest and raw. I cried with you, with each song. You dont know me, but just knowing there are some people that take the time even through their own struggles to reach out and say words of encouragement. You never know who you could speak to in this case, me, and I said a small, "thank you" and Im sure theres probably many others. I pray not because I dont wish this heaviness on anyone. Im subscribed girl. Thanks again. Just that little bit does help. 🙌🖤🖤🖤

[@keysersoze6119]

Hi you! Always enjoy your reactions, Ren somehow delves deep inside us, touches our hearts, makes us look into our dark place. I have to ask, are you ok? Are you really ok, from a tender and caring place please be strong, please stay close to the people who love you and hold onto them, ♥️

[@kylefrandsen2665]

It's brave of you to share your reaction. I get to sit here and lose my sh*t in private when I watch this. The memories this song brings up for me may be different from the memories it brings up for you, but we share the pain together when you put yourself out there like this. Thank you.

[@troytucker3467]

Appreciate you so much, I had to revisit this. Thank you

[@JC-pq4ul]

We are happy that you are here too! Thank you for all you do and your sincere reaction. You are loved!

[@dearydarling]

You're such a beautiful soul. I've not been around much lately bc i've been in the throes of the derealization that severe long-term chronic illness and pain eventually brings. This song coming out means so much to me. It's so important we stop saying "We need to talk about mental health" but then the only thing we say is "get help". There is no help for SO many people. Help is privilege. What we need to do is validate. There's a video of Ren, at his sickest, talking about how he doesn't think he can endure another year of it. Well ... i'm 17 years long in that hell. Of course i have suicidal ideation! That doesn't mean there's something wrong with me

[@laurencemayshroom5940]

Never apologise for being real. Sharing these emotions is exactly what Ren is fighting for with thia song. Everyone can find something in this. The line " the distance is my plaster cast" resonates with me massively on a pre and post the deed level. 2 friends in the last 2 years that I hadn't spoken to much before combined with being away from where I lived and therefore no constant reminders. Ren doesn't realise the medicine that he is. The thought channel to save you having to think it yourself.

[@tvadakia]

In this day and age I value honesty, and this was a brilliant example of an honest reaction. You’re beautiful, and I’m not talking about looks. Subscribed.

[@SurelyLocksHolme]

I’ve watched a bunch of reaction videos to this song now and the first part of the song has a bunch of layers, which I appreciate. It’s deep but also has an upbeat that’s enjoyable. Then the last section always makes me cry 🥺 but I think it’s cathartic ☺️.

[@mariajoseurizar5093]

I’m sooo happy I found you, thank you for your words, thank you for opening up, your words REALLY got to me ❤

[@chrissymoskal6414]

Girl I was crying along with you. This song hit me hard. My little sister took her life on my 28th bday in 2020. That pain never goes away. What I wouldn’t give to see her one last time. The part of the song where he is saying “oh I, oh I, oh I.” Hits hard as well because that’s all I seem to do, what if I called a little sooner? What if I drove down to pick her up? What if? What if? Even almost 3 years later these thoughts never stop. Anyways thank you for posting this awesome and honest video. Stay strong

[@BrandonWestfall]

Now you need to listen to Freckled Angels...which is the song he wrote as a tribute to Joe Hughes shortly after he passed. He performed the song at his funeral as well. It's critical you listen to BOTH the studio version and live performance.

[@stefanopozzo5312]

Thanks for being yourself. In a world where people are brave only behind a keyboard, your bravery is to show your face and emotions with no filters and I hope this will be your revenge cause we need more people like you

[@ssvr3dl1n38]

Thank you for being you - real and un-edited. That's why we love you and appreciate your honest, open heart. Please don't change that! 🙏❤

[@wallz42]

Thank you. As others have said do not apologize for emotions. I’m a 45 year old man that was only diagnosed with severe anxiety, depression, and ADHD only recently. It’s difficult to get help. Especially if you are a male. If you admit you are struggling mentally you are laughed at and ridiculed for your “weakness”. That’s how most people seem to feel about men admitting they need help. As a man I get prevented from seeing my children just because I self admitted to an inpatient mental health facility because I knew I needed it. I never threatened anyone but myself. Yet my ex wife is using that to take my children away from me. Despite the fact that my son keeps asking to come over.