REUNITING WITH FOSTER CARER l HOW DID/DO WE SUPPORT THE RELATIONSHIP? l UK Adoption l mollymamaadopt

Hi all!
I have had a lot of requests after a recent post on Instagram to speak about our relationship with foster carer more and how we approached going back to the foster home with little man. Going back to foster home can be triggering and emotional to some children - it's a reminder of a time where they were feeling difficult feelings. For our little man, we were concerned that it would trigger the grieving cycle for foster carer again, as his last memory of foster home will have been when we took him home forever and his grieving for foster carer most likely commenced. I hope this experience-overload helps you!
Molly x
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[@caterinas6863]

I agree with you completely and you’re lucky with your local authority being on board. I’ve always found it so shocking that adoptive children have little to no contact with foster carers once they’re adopted. It’s another loss for them

[@MollyMamaAdopt]

I’ve found every LA approaches it so differently. A lot of my friends have been advised not to pursue post placement relationships in fear of triggering the child, but I would personally be terrified of my son feeling abandoned or further rejected by the person he relied upon for so long. It’s been such a worthwhile relationship for us this past year!

[@jacquidover9950]

Thank you so much for sharing this Molly we are currently in the final stages of matching and I know our LA feel very strong about keeping contact with FC which we strongly agree with as part of the transition process!! X

[@MollyMamaAdopt]

That’s great Jacqui. Good luck! X

[@paulwilkinson5216]

Well done for keeping foster carers in his life. We fostered 2 boys for 2 years and their adopters said that we were going to be such a big part in their future they felt they were adopting us too. Of course we passed this on to the boys as they were very upset to be moving on from us. We haven't seen them once. Two years have passed now and it has broken me and my wife. She told us after a few months not to even send them gifts on their birthdays or Christmas. Card only. She won't even reply to our messages as to how they are doing. I hate to think what damage this may do. Losing parents and then never seeing foster carers. How will they trust the world. It's affected us so badly that we will never foster again. Well done to you though

[@MollyMamaAdopt]

Really sorry to hear this and how much it’s affected you both.

[@caitlynegray]

So interesting how you did it. Our little man didn’t want to go near foster carers when met out of the home. Almost rejecting them. I decided to see them at their house a week ( he has been in our home 4 months) he was so much more comfortable and recognised his FC much faster and enjoyed exploring his old home -he also remembered the snack cupboard haha ...

[@MollyMamaAdopt]

My experience was very specific to my little man! I know it’ll be different for every child. I’m glad my little fella wasn’t the only one remembering the snack cupboard 😅

[@katherinehuntley7969]

I'm curious after talking to some others at out adoption training eairler do you ever experienced or wonder sometime the difference between your adoptive child being a child compared to them having behaviour that are a direct result of there trauma ? Is it sometimes hard to just automatically link there behaviours to their past. Hope that makes sense xx

[@MollyMamaAdopt]

This is such a great point Katherine. In my case, I very much automatically link my son’s behaviour to his past. I try to remain realistic about child development and what’s expected for every child, but with the humongous impact trauma/neglect/loss can have on a child’s behaviour, it’s something that I’m always conscious of xx

[@kym.etherington]

i know it's like the strangest question ever,but i've noticed some people don't share their little guys or girls on social media,like blur faces & don't mention names etc... is it part of the process like are you not allowed or is it choice?! i'm so curious🤍

[@MollyMamaAdopt]

Hey! Usually until the legal side of the adoption order has gone through you are advised not to share faces and details online…this is because the child will still be cared for by their local authority, as well as you. Once the adoption order is granted and you are the full legal parents, it becomes your choice. I hope that helps!