The Fast Show - Johnny Nice Painter Compilation

YOU LOCK ME IN THE CELLAR AND FEED ME PINS

[@RandallMcDangle]

Must have heard every line from these sketches a hundred times over the last 20 years... and yet I still laugh like a lunatic every time.

[@Hartley_Hare]

And I still find myself saying 'WHAT'S FOR DINNER MOTHER, PINS?' far too often.

[@jamesure2426]

My eyes are pies and yours are lies is my favourite. 😅

[@viljanov]

"Where shall we sleep, mother? In father's grave?"

[@m7dgz]

Arabella Weir deserves a medal for managing to keep a straight face!

[@gayleberserker]

She is truly the unsung hero of these sketches

[@pugking4518]

If you watch the video at 1:02 you can tell she is trying not to laugh

[@Moloko_b]

Yeah, you can see she struggles in some scenes lol Just because Higson is soo funny and I think anyone would struggle. Class 🤣🤣

[@tracyfenlon8607]

My eyes are pies and yours are lies 😂😂

[@eyebrowman1]

Your quote is my favourite line from all those sketches.

[@LoudaroundLincoln]

​@eyebrowman1 I taught my kids that and now they won't stop picking up twin packs of pork pies and screaming it at me in the co op.

[@jamesure2426]

​@@LoudaroundLincolnhahaha

[@jaakkooksa5374]

We crawl on our knees towards our doom!!!!

[@robkeeleycomposer]

Arabella's stoic, long-suffering is perfect.

[@chemistryset1]

she is so good in these scenes - pies from that funny little man at the market lol

[@JohnHarvey-cp5go]

You lock me in the cellar and feed me pins!

[@emmacook1984]

The chasm of clams 🤣

[@thomaswood6115]

gets me everytime I just laugh out loud

[@MarianMurphy-rz8ej]

I walk through said chasm every day when I go to the city.. 😢 It’s not as funny living through it as it is in this sketch 🤣…

[@infidelcastro5129]

In my opinion, what sets The Fast Show above almost all other comedy is that you already know the punchline but it’s still as hilarious as the first time you saw it. They cracked the same few dozen jokes each episode but it never got old. Genius.

[@alexmousley7213]

I agree totally, it's serial comedy, you know roughly what's coming but the characters are so good that you absolutely love the delivery. This couple used to remind me of my old next door neighbours for some reason (they didn't paint but were pretty eccentric!

[@felinusfeline5559]

I think it's that, while the punch line is the same, everything around it is difference. Sometimes it comes quickly, others it's delayed. And the rants from Johnny are always different. Sometimes there's a little nod to a previous one too. Like in the "my eyes are pies" one where he starts saying "pins" when he gets his foot caught in the stool.

[@chrishateley5582]

"They tap at my window with tiny poles!" is a line that has stuck with me my whole life. It's hilarious, but somehow chilling.

[@Brian.001]

paws, actually.

[@AsteroidM749A]

I always thought it was poles - as a reference to the 'knocker uppers' of industrial Britain

[@chrishateley5582]

@@Brian.001 Fairly certain it's poles.

[@Brian.001]

@@chrishateley5582 I hear him pronouncing it as 'paws', with the vowel sound 'aw'. That wouldn't tie in with the otherwise received pronunciation.

[@robertkemp8717]

A really good mash-up of Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream’ and typical early Sunday evening BBC viewing.

[@WestHamWorld]

Kills me everytime higson is a genius

[@shooglies]

As is Arabella Weir

[@WillieM149]

‘Where are we sleeping tonight mother? In father’s grave?’ Brilliant.

[@brynroberts5615]

Apparently he made all these rants up as he went along. The lady had no idea what he would say next. Brilliant!!

[@eleanorhogan8643]

So he improvised the whole thing? Brilliant! Sheer comedy genius.

[@AlanAHAPartridge]

How can the same joke be funny every time 😂😂

[@eyebrowman1]

That's quality, that's why.

[@thunor3656]

What's for tea mother? Maggots on toast?!

[@Yaana_BlackCat]

This is my favourite sketch from the Whole Fast Show! "Lock me in the cellar and fed me pins!" They never get old! Thank you so much for putting these up!

[@fpvDRE]

Agree lol

[@cleopatraoatcake7364]

I have to re-visit Johnny Nice Painter regularly! My favorite is probably "Oh, yes--what shall we do with Father, Mother? Fold him like a ticket, and poke him in a hole?! Is that you in the buttons box, making all that noise?"

[@nah88]

They're here, they're here, they've landed on the pier!

[@Doughty321]

We crawl on our knees towards our doom.

[@aporue5893]

woof,woof,woof...... 🐕

[@yetanotherperson6436]

I was a professional artist and had to stop because of mental health problems, so when I watch these it's a kind of 'funny because it's true' experience. Mental health services mostly approach things in a humourless way. I understand that they have to do that. They don't want to be seen as mocking, but all that earnestness gets old very quickly. Luckily my friends take the piss regularly.

[@gentleken7864]

After going there in the summer, I know that the first sketch is done in Staithes in North Yorkshire. Really pretty village next to the sea.

[@davidroberts6549]

Such an ingenious premise.

[@williamjohnson4117]

This is simultaneously so funny and so sad. You can imagine the dreadful life that Annabelle's character goes through.

[@chesterdonnelly1212]

I also wonder what happened to Johnny. Why is he so traumatised?

[@eddieobrien1411]

We convince ourselves of meaning and value,but alongside this exists an overwhelming sense of futility and existential dread.This character embodies the dual nature of life and the awful antagonism between hope and despair. This is true comedy because if we didn’t laugh, we’d be tearing our own hair out

[@chesterdonnelly1212]

Are you ok? Johnny, is that you?

[@MarianMurphy-rz8ej]

It’s catharsis and a way of coping with the darkness of this place. I mean there does come a point where it’s so oppressive and crushing here that you do start to go a little bit mad and you do find some strange macabre humour in it all… I think there is real pain in these things however it just passes a certain threshold whereby you can’t help but to laugh maniacally at yourself, the situation, the insane hoards around you… When you find a directed energy weapon pulsating through your foot after a couple of hours of calm and you say to yourself “oh they’re attacking me again now”. And there’s nothing you can do, and no one does admit what’s happening, and you just have to get used to it. Because The Bible is very true and we’re in a spiritual war…

[@eyebrowman1]

Indeed!

[@drippincolors]

How Arabelle Weir keeps a straight face is more brilliant and impressive than Higsons acting😂

[@eyebrowman1]

Amazing innit. She smirks on one of them

[@alexmousley7213]

@@eyebrowman1I can see the hint of a smirk in may of them, but, hardly surprising as Higson's performance is always so hilarious and possibly, at least partly, ad libbed!

[@VideoNarstee]

Loved this sketch back in the day.

[@willmoore7582]

One of my favourite characters from the Fast Show. Keenly observed and flawlessly acted. 11/10 🤣😅😂

[@aporue5893]

''black forest gateau!'' LOL!!! 🤣

[@jorisbonson1990]

Im blind! The gulls have plucked out my eyes!

[@markeyhendrix]

I'm a fly trapped in a bottle of shadows haha

[@eyebrowman1]

The moon is weeping in a secret room. Lol😂

[@liamhollin8265]

These were a brilliant observation of people, I think that's what make them so hilarious👍👍👍👍👍👍

[@portcullis5622]

" You lock me in the cellar and feed me pins, pins, pins".🤣

[@HealthyAnt]

What's for breakfast, mother... maggots on toast?

[@_evangelina__]

Johnny Nice, the godfather of Goth ▪️◾️▪️

[@gamerbear84]

"They wait for me in the forest." That's the one that's most cemented in my mind. Must've recorded that episode.

[@aporue5893]

I think johnny may be remembering some scary events of the past.

[@danielwilliamson6180]

4:32 "THEY'RE DESTROYING OUR CITY!!!" LOL 😆

[@gamerbear84]

"White! Like everyone in a senior position at BBC!" XD That got me good.

[@TheRedDevil-1968]

Should bring this back with; "BROWN? BROWN? BROWN LIKE THE DINGHY DIVERS...BROWN LIKE THE EXCREMENT THAT OOZES OUT OF THE PAINT TUBE OF LIFE...BROWN LIKE THE HOTEL ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS STAYING IN FIVE STAR HOTELS...BROWN...BROWN...BROWN RHYMES WITH DOWN."

[@danielwilliamson6180]

Johnny the Nice Painter is one of The Fast Show's funniest characters. Brilliantly played by Charlie Higson. It's not explained why he dislikes the colour black.

[@Moodymongul]

It's just his 'trigger' word. His 'Niagara Falls', if you will. That then unleashes the memories. And the blackhole of despair within his artistic soul.

[@danielwilliamson6180]

@@Moodymongul What's for tea tonight, Mother? Shadows and lies on toast?

[@aporue5893]

''teddy pumpkin!'' 🤣

[@aporue5893]

''very dark,almost black...'' ''johnny....'' 🤣

[@aporue5893]

''we crawl on our knees towards our doom!'' lol dramatic poetry in a nutshell!!!

[@ShahPhilLeotardo]

“I’m a fly trapped in a bottle of shadows.”

[@Nameless.Hermit]

5:41 is my favourite moment in the whole of Fast Show 😂

[@byeckfella]

I’m a fly trapped in a bottle of shadows…genius

[@AarenJable]

_They wait for me in the forest_

[@aaronbrown545]

The moon is weeping in a secret room

[@MarkBailey-hn7uv]

Please don’t put me in the cupboard again mother!

[@jamesure2426]

You can see Arabella desperately trying to hold it together in a few of them.

[@dragonzilla6482]

And yet ironically, his cap is black!

[@johnmountainstone1177]

Im a fly trapped in a bottle of shadows. 😂

[@strangelee4400]

This like a reverse Humza Yusaf!

[@chesterdonnelly1212]

😂😂😂

[@AzraelSWFC2011]

First sketch, Robin Hoods Bat iirc, and there is a great pub at the bottom of the hill.

[@davidanderson1639]

It’s actually Staithes, not Robin Hoods Bay; I live close to both places.

[@herbert9241]

Did I miss the one where he says, "I'm alright now"? For some reason that has always stuck with me.

[@jermainelong1843]

How have I never seen this before??😄

[@juliajackson1211]

….Teddy pumpkin….pay the ticket to get in the funnel!

[@paulallison2412]

My eyes are pies ... and yours are lies!! 😂

[@dmgsoultogetherness6667]

arabella weir outstanding .

[@wiganwench1]

The moon is weeping in its room 😂

[@markuslappalainen6847]

He has black cap.

[@3minutehero601]

They tap at my window with tiny paws!

[@AsteroidM749A]

I always thought it was 'poles'!

[@SC-tl3px]

A previous commentator also said poles. I'm on team paws.

[@MatthewCharmanadventures]

Something I've always loved is that... he's wearing a black hat! How does he get out of the house? It's s subtle joke in a very OTT sketch but it's so funny!

[@jennifersivewright3117]

It’s Prussian blue

[@davidjames2083]

*I know these people! ( **_I live in Sussex_** )* 👍🎨😆😂🤣

[@markbryant8321]

He use to.kill me . One of my gavs of the show I am in fits here 😂

[@kukumuniu5658]

I don't understand why for so many years no one posted all of Johnny's adventures in one video from the beginning to the end

[@aporue5893]

gothic horror poetry in a nutshell 🤣

[@anjou6497]

...yes, its almost.........BLACK. "Johnny, we better be going home now".. 🤣🤣🤣

[@JP-dv7rf]

🎶Teddy Pumpkinnn 🎶

[@aporue5893]

I always think of this when it's halloween. 🤣

[@felinusfeline5559]

7:08 She's trying so hard not to laugh!

[@richardjamieson6681]

Has anybody got access to the one where Johnny’s trousers fall down? Priceless…..

[@meridian2000]

@Rewind TV I need your help, do you know a user called Prezelot who used to be on KZbin and had great archive clips such as CBBC, and CITV, if you do and you got his email address, please can you ask him to come back to KZbin as I miss his uploads so much and it was not fair when his channel got removed. Now I noticed that you don't normally reply to comments but this one is extremely important so when you get this comment received please can you reply, thanks.

[@supabry26]

Shit makes me laugh everytime , only thing is he has a black hat and a pallet full of black paint everytime! 😂

[@jims9438]

Poor Katie lol...

[@anjou6497]

Perhaps all those nice painting tutors do have a seething manic side ? I knew one, you had to run when he threw furniture. 🌴

[@redkite_]

4:16 always my favourite

[@kukumuniu5658]

I would like to watch full history of Johnny...

[@philfletcher3434]

Even his cap's black.

[@jonathanstempleton7864]

It's not black. Its very very very very very very very very very very very dark blue.

[@Aspinator]

I’m about to choke😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@paulbradley705]

Is This the crazy neighbour from friday night dinner ?

[@rorymurray5847]

Its a shame we can't do sketch comedy anymore?it's just supposed to be humerus it's classic

[@fpvDRE]

blaccccccccccccck LMFAO 🤣🤣

[@MasterofSpiders]

2:27 - He already had the black ready on his paintbrush. He's been faking it.

[@ashleyporter9547]

Pins?!? Pins?!? Pins!?!

[@jakubdabrowski3846]

What was wrong with my message? It has been deleted

[@kaibroeking9968]

"WHITE! WHITE! Like everyone in a senior position at the BBC."

[@vinlab5937]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣Genius

[@emmacook1984]

03:14 🤣🤣🤣

[@davetrave3557]

😂😂😂😂

[@kevinbray9550]

TV is devoid of humour like the Fast Show. No doubt for fear of those involved being "cancelled" by those who seek to find offence.

[@DjDeadpig]

Astrophobia in a nutshell

[@jakubdabrowski3846]

There is one more episode with Johnny painting a portrait of some Lord with his residence in the background. And ten a man with big black dog enters the spot... The lord is played by the same actor who played Ron's father in Harry Potter series. I don't now why, but If I put the actor's name in the post, it's soon being deleted.

[@thecardboardgiraffe]

Is that the one where he runs while holding the painting and his trousers fall down? I've been looking for that for ages on here and have never found it

[@jakubdabrowski3846]

@@thecardboardgiraffe Exactly. I found it by googl'ing "johnny nice painter portrait"

[@thecardboardgiraffe]

@@jakubdabrowski3846 I've also lost a comment - but thanks I found it with your tip. It seems you can't refer to outside sites, but the fast show is currently up on the service that originally aired it.

[@Old299dfk]

"How can we make tourettes, dementia, and psychosis funny?"

[@_biggaz]

❄️found

[@mrbig9595]

What a shame this humor would not be allowed now

[@brandonhoward3805]

No one has ever had a problem with a colour dude don't be a snowflake 🤣

[@wangtangbob]

Why would it not be allowed?

[@StephenLyons-tl8ie]

One is mildly comical; lots together are just tedious. One "joke" extended ad nauseam.

[@stevenaustin8274]

thing is Stephen its not meant to be "lots together" is it ! that's just the way you're watching it on a you tube video Why on earth you would do that if you don't enjoy the character portrayed in the sketch show is beyond me