ROME TOTAL WAR Is a perfectly Balanced Strategy Game With No Exploits - But EVERYTHING IS BROKEN

Welcome ladies and gents to Rome Total War the most iconic Total War game in my opinion and my personal favourite strategy game! So Why is the spiffing brit covering the best strategy game and the best total war game of all time. Well it turns out that whilst this is a perfectly balanced strategy game with no exploits there is a slight issue in that Everything is broken. This game features broken money glitches and overpowered units which have no counters. We have peasant units that can break the moral of anything, Horse archers that have unlimited ammo and are so fast they become immortal. Dont even get me started on the doggo spam meta. Today Spiff will be showing off not just the Roman Dog Only spam meta but also the incredibly powerful Scythian faction with a horse archer spam build.
What you have seen here today is part of a fantastic perfectly balanced series on youtube where I go from game to game and break them with wacky exploits to gain things like unlimited gold. If you enjoyed this then be sure to check out more. The style is similar to RT game and callmekevin in parts. A large influence on this series has come from Valefisk and The Killian Experience.
So sit back relax and enjoy this adventure to see if Rome total war is a perfectly balanced game with no exploits or if everything is broken
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Title: ROME TOTAL WAR Is a perfectly Balanced Strategy Game With No Exploits - But EVERYTHING IS BROKEN
What is Rome: Total War
Once the Roman Empire is under your command, don't lay down your sword just yet - the Barbarians are coming. With two award-winning titles from the esteemed Total War series, you'll have twice as many obstacles and opportunities to control and conquer the greatest empire ever known to man.
The Collection Edition includes:
Rome: Total War Guide one of three noble Roman families on a century spanning quest to seize control of the Roman Empire.
Rome: Total War - Barbarian Invasion
(official expansion pack to Rome: Total War) Witness the decline of Rome as Barbarian hordes attack, forcing a bitter internal struggle between rival factions.
Voted 2004 Best Strategy game by IGN, GameSpy and GameSpot.
Fight alongside or against history's greatest leaders such as Julius Caesar, Spartacus, and Hannibal to expand or destroy the Roman Empire.
Lay siege against the Romans as Attila the Hun, fearful Saxons, or other savage factions using signature weapons and abilities.
Command warrior-tested legions in cinematic epic battles with thousands of soldiers on-screen at once.
A century-spanning campaign charges players with strategically managing the economic, civil, religious and military arms of their empire.
#Exploit #Funny #Rome

[@JustinY.]

Imagine training your entire life for warfare only to die from a pack of rapid dogs

[@kadynreisen9755]

no Justin, just no

[@nc24]

you again

[@dilophosaurussk4333]

@@nc24 *Oh no its you again*

[@konope9041]

@@thespiffingbrit Imma be that guy. Rabid*

[@jacksonpavlich8198]

David Casey but that’s the thing... they are both rapid and rabid.

[@LordWyatt]

Barbarians: We got this- (Ball gets thrown over the wall) Barbarians: What the? Fetch it: (Thundering begins)

[@LordWyatt]

@@capybarawithanorangeonitsh4190 Thx😂👌

[@turtl3playz303]

You made me snort 😂

[@ohom1449]

"FETCH ME THEIR SOULS..."

[@TricksterPoi]

After that the barbarians worship a certain god of hounds... For he always unleash the woof of doom.

[@gerbilface3409]

Rome is *amazing.* Had a general once that started out slightly insane, was a terrible governor, and ended up fighting crazy campaigns against Gaul. The result was a nearly immortal general, covered in scars, hooting like a starved owl, who married a sheep to stave off the loneliness of never being in a city. Fun times.

[@delanovanraalte3646]

An owl man marrying a sheep it isn't the weirdest thing I've heard surprisingly

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

Considering the roster of real generals and emperors in historic Rome, your guy isn't too far fetched.

[@XieTianXieDi888]

Nothing worse than your invincible general dying of old age and having nobody worthy to take his place.

[@grtwhtbnr]

@@XieTianXieDi888 I'll typically try to pair the young ones with an old one to curb it

[@narongponsaetan8605]

My best ever general just die today at the age of 64 😭 his stat is insane it will be much harder without him from now on

[@LevCallahan]

I still play this on occasion. It really is charming. ANOTHER EXPLOIT: -Whenever a character dies in the game, there's always the option of loading a save and giving your character another go at surviving his chance of death by natural causes. You can continuously do this until the character reaches 128 years of age, and because Rome Total War is a 128 bit game, the developers tied the game's engine with a character's age. Given that the developers assumed that players would simply *allow* their characters to die at the very high chance between 60 and 70, they figured this wouldn't be a problem. But since the age is tied with 128 bits, once your character reaches that age, his next age will be 0 years old, thus starting his life over, yet *still having all the same traits and abilities he aquired from before* . This effectively makes your character immortal. I once did this with all my characters, and while it did prove difficult to consistently keep up with all the loads and saves, it was fun to watch all my characters never die.

[@gazzmilsom]

That's weird because RTW is 32bit. 128 would be the integer limit of 7 bits. maybe character age was a value stored in a single byte with one of the bits not used to store the age so only giving 7 bits for the age. it's cool you got an overflow

[@pocoloco8075]

With 128 bits You can represent a total number of 340,282,366,920,938,463,463,374,607,431,768,211,456 as this is 2 by the power of 128. As mentioned in Gareth Milsom's comment, You only need 7 bits to represent a total of 128.

[@LevCallahan]

@@pocoloco8075 ok. Still doesn't explain why the age resets at 128. Seems like something about Rome Total War is related to 128 bits. If it isn't, then the age thing is one of the biggest coincidences in the entire game.

[@pocoloco8075]

@@LevCallahan I assume there is some code part where they do something like this: if (leader.Age > 127) { leader.Age = 0; } Or there is just something like converting char Age to byte/unsigned char Age. This is, char is a 8-bit data type which can be negative in value (like -128 to +127), whereas the data type byte (or unsigned char) can only represent positive numbers (0 to +255). So when You have a variable of type (signed) char, which already has an assigned value of 127 and then add +1 to this value, it overflows to -128. When this variable is then cast to a variable with the other, unsigned dataytpe, that other variable gets the value 0 assigned as the lowest possible value of char (which -128) is translated to the lowest possible value of byte (which is 0). Both datatypes are 8-bit datatypes, they are just interpreted differently (with an offset value of 128). But honestly, nothing to do with 128 bits in any case.. edit: messed up minimum and maximum values.

[@pocoloco8075]

Or maybe they just use 7 bits to store the age. This would be the range of positive values of a signed char data type.

[@bbluva20]

“Who let the dogs out?!?!” -Coxius Perator, Hound master of the XV Regiment of Rome.

[@peizhang6035]

"The dogs know no Hounds (bounds pun if you didnt know)" - Me after watching this video

[@LordWyatt]

Romans: Hu!Hu!Huhu!

[@Egg-oh2dh]

Yeye digo eat

[@kb2213]

Man I love this comment.

[@sarielle85]

"Quis canis emisit?"

[@giomorente9843]

Wardogs: Eager (spirits lifted by the general's encouragements) Quintus Julius: YOU ARE A GOOD BOY. YOU ARE A GOOD BOY. ALL OF YOU ARE GOOD BOYS

[@leomann22]

Brilliant. Should be a loading screen quote for Rome 3.

[@PAINNN666]

@@leomann22 for rome 1)

[@anmoldaglaik]

Lol

[@alfrede.neumann671]

Lol ... So Lol

[@gamiezion]

am i suposed to hear this in john olivers voice?

[@gufu21]

I used to love this game. One of my top gaming experiences ever was when I was playing the Greeks. I had an OK army of hoplites, a few mercenary infantry, and a few ranged units. I don't remember all the details, but I was attacked by an absolutely huge army. I was ridiculously outnumbered. So I figured the best I could do was to make a tight ring of hoplite phalanxes and put my general, ranged units, and a few reserve infantry units in the middle and hope for the best. I waited in the plain as the much bigger army descended from the surrounding hills and engulfed me. The battle joined. My men were holding, as each phalanx had my reserve units and my general at their back. The enemy's bodies lay in massive piles all about my ring. But slowly, attrition took its toll, and the ring got thinner. Into the breaches I threw my reserve infantry, while my archers shot at enemy units further back. The battle wore on, and my line was getting driven inward. The archers ran out of arrows, and so I threw them too into the thinnest spots. In the center my general waited, not yet ready to commit to a charge anywhere. On the battle raged, and though I had lost most of my men, they were still holding. Then suddenly, one of the enemy units broke. Then another. Then more. The remaining exhausted hoplites could barely move, but my general and lighter units went after the routing army until they had all fled or died. And surrounding my ring were the heaped bodies of the enemy soldiers, like a red sea around the little island where I made my stand. Against all odds, I had pulled off an amazing win, and I felt like a genius. What a game.

[@HatstandTuesday]

Playing Medieval I for the first time. Mongol invasion turns up in a province with 1 unit of town militia. I was curious to see what this "Golden Horde" was, so I played it out. There was a river with a bridge, so I ran up to that and formed a little spear wall. The entire enemy army started to file across the bridge. The first figure to hit the spears dies instantly. Enemy king is dead. Entire army routs. Routing units attempt to move through my spearmen. Entire enemy army wiped out for no losses. Faction destroyed. All remaining Mongol units now rebels.

[@crypt0sFX]

Wow that's so cool. The bodies broke their morale, man that sounds like a movie.

[@kierangibbons3311]

as good as phalanx is, milita hoplites are so so bad, morale wise. they literally just route instantly and its kinda infuriating

[@pgetheelderscrollsturkiye68]

And the best thing is that the scenerio you experienced was probably happened in real life history too.

[@amp8295]

@@pgetheelderscrollsturkiye68 In fact it did. Soldier-historian Xenephon was stuck in the middle of the Achaemenid Empire with 10,000 hoplite mercenaries after their employer (who was a contender for King of Kings I think) died. Fought all the way back to Greece, repelling most Persian attacks. Badass story I tell ya.

[@zachbaker2051]

Imagine being one of the two soldiers getting chased by 700 barking dogs. The resonance of all the barks would create a deafening and continuous roar.

[@deutschamerikaner]

“I’m not sure why horse archers were added, they’re so broken” - Crassus being salty at the battle of Carrhae

[@BadDayLp]

im dying thanks

[@felixnilsson2440]

Laughs in mongolian.

[@rovsea-3761]

Compared to the Romans basically everything is underpowered.

[@deutschamerikaner]

@Rovsea - who would win: A massive continent spanning empire the likes of which the world had never seen with deep military and republican tradition, OR A FEW SHOOTY HORSE BOIS

[@jayd8091]

These damn camel caravans carrying arrows. Breaking the meta.

[@colinnelson4080]

7:19 “Today we fight against monster - the Gauls! They are dangerous, mad and hairy beyond reason. In victory, they are always heartless!” -proceeds to have their dogs eat the Gauls alive.

[@jeremiahcstranslations2306]

The snails have a message for you: "Bon Appetit." -- Doggo champion before leading his horde into battle.😂🤣

[@devan6935]

@@jeremiahcstranslations2306 XD

[@systemshocker7634]

Do the dog handlers have to..you know..clean up the mess the dogs make after er... digesting the Gauls?

[@LornaShoreLovrr]

“FETCH ME THEIR SOULS”

[@vinnieg6161]

This is by far my favourite game ever. The generals speeches are hilarious, the voice acting is amazing, your General can have lots of interesting traits and you can fight as the freaking Romans.

[@SimuLord]

It held that title for me for six years, until Fallout: New Vegas supplanted it as the GOAT. One of only three games (Alpha Centauri is the third) I've called "best game ever" in this century.

[@TheMrExemplar]

dude there are dogs that are stronger than humans, WTF? who thought this was a good idea?

[@vinnieg6161]

@@TheMrExemplar I don't understand what you are saying friend There are indeed plenty of dogs that can rip a person to shreds

[@mowgli_concrete_jungle_boi6265]

@@TheMrExemplar The Romans did. They did breed the "Molossians" for War and so on

[@misanthropicservitorofmars2116]

@@TheMrExemplardon’t use the dogs. This is a single player game for the most part. You can play however you want to make it the most enjoyable experience.

[@FolkoMagipaw]

This gives "this is absolutely bork'ed" a whole brand new meaning.

[@Akatsuki69387]

This is the true mega bork.

[@whizthesugoi]

Sorry for the dislike I can't be the 421

[@geoffreyentwistle8176]

That's what happens when you doggedly dig through the game mechanics for exploits...

[@Akatsuki69387]

Geoffrey Entwistle I dunno. That pun came out kinda ruff around the edges

[@FolkoMagipaw]

@@Akatsuki69387 I think you're barking up the wrong tree here, pal.

[@TheKenigham]

20:00 “I don’t know who allowed them to be added into the game” - crassus, battle of carrhae

[@reecelongden3500]

Ah, I see that you're a man of culture as well ;)

[@LuciusSicarius]

"Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war." Okay I didn't mean it literally.

[@thedodorex7612]

I mean if it works?

[@cosmicnautilus1345]

"Its not fair, its not balanced, but it is very entertaining" -God.

[@eugenefrolov1396]

Makes sense

[@olimar243]

You mean "dog" 🙂 I'll let myself out now..

[@movingparts6270]

*Spiff:* Horse archers are broken! *Everyone, literally everyone, conquered by the Huns and Mongols:* Yeah, we know.

[@128outlaw]

Moving Parts 😂😂😂

[@Vespasian91]

Crassus and pretty much every Roman who died in the some 400 years of Parthian-Roman wars on the eastern borders of the Empire: We a joke to you?

[@sentientpaperclip874]

@@Vespasian91 no fertilizer.

[@minderbart1]

@@Vespasian91 too be fair the romans had no problem beating the parthians when they actually used their brains

[@minderbart1]

@Főfasírozó that isn't true. the huns came from around what is now mongolia(though where exactly no one knows) the scythians have been around the crimea for centuries by the time the huns show up

[@darter9000]

*doors break down and the two armies stare at each other Roman: “Oh no, we’re not the ones fighting...” *chorus of howls fill the air “There is our vanguard.”

[@blobjorn3248]

"Cry 'Havoc!' and let slip the dogs of war."

[@rorywhitted3185]

I've always loved this game. One of my favorite things to do was play as a roman faction and train up a bunch of assassins, and instead of using the assassins to eliminate enemy generals, I would have them take out the generals of the other roman factions. That way my own generals would be the only ones available to be elected to the highest offices of the roman government.

[@eyllyssaunders5345]

Historically accurate rome

[@joshuabrand111]

I love how you basically turned Rome total war into a British fox hunt.

[@jeremiahcstranslations2306]

But people are on the menu. Sounds like a movie poster.

[@raymondkubiak1044]

If I could give gold medals on youtube, I’d give you one

[@happyninja42]

This reminds me of an exploit I found with Dragon Age: Origins. When you play as a hunter, and take the ability that lets you summon a wolf ally, for a split second when they are summoned, the little icon in the bottom of the screen that indicates they have unassigned AI strategies is there, and you can click on it. If you time it right, they have the FULL roster of reaction protocols that a normal companion has. So I made a team of 3 hunters, my war hound Woofles, and would have all 3 of the summoned wolves, all coded to just follow Woofles' lead, and attack what he'd attack. I'd set Woofles for targeting the mages in any enemy group, and he would use his wolf charge to just blitz over there, and tackle the clothy boy, along with his little wolf pack at his heels. They would just BURY the dude in angry doggos, and they would almost instantly kill him. Woofles' second priority, was to attack anyone attacking me. So after the first dog rush, they would turn, and charge from behind (because the clothy boys were almost always in the back row), and just devour the next enemy. Me and the other humanoids barely had to participate at all. That is probably the only time I've ever done the "exploit" method of gaming, but damn if it wasn't fun as hell.

[@daus6282]

I think this deserve a vid Sir Spiff

[@Cx10110100]

How does it fare against dragon or blood vial boys?

[@happyninja42]

@@Cx10110100 I'm not sure what you mean? Frankly it's been many years since I played DA:O, so I only really remember the basic premise of the exploit. But as I recall, it seemed to work pretty well against most enemy types. It's mostly just from overwhelming numbers. If you and the 2 other humanoids also target the same person (which is easy since you are all ranged hunters), it's a pretty impressive amount of focused damage, from 7 people at once.

[@timothyoswald8618]

Never heard of this, sounds VERY entertaining.

[@Cx10110100]

@@happyninja42 there blood vials scattered across the country from which you can summon powerful NPCs to fight and gain great loot. Thing is those guys dominate in melee, have AOE attack and pull ranged units in by magic. And the Dragon, well is annoying because it can murder anyone in one hit so theres a need to micromanage every single ally so that they dont end up too close or in front of it

[@ryanmattia433]

The horse archer strat is also how you brute force anything in the first Stronghold Crusader. Since projectiles could miss in that game you could just run in circles dodging while murdering everything. I love horse archers.

[@Sketch1ish]

It fills me with joy to share the greatness of doggo armies to those who haven't spent thousands of hours playing Total War :)

[@gannonpatton2858]

This brings me awful flashbacks of Rome: Total War, spending all-nighters by myself and formulating strategies. You won't see this, but thanks for reminding me of this, Spiff. Mid 2000's were a good time for video games!

[@QuietFury9]

Upvote just for spiff to see

[@gannonpatton2858]

@@QuietFury9 Aye, thanks man, that meant a lot to me!

[@QuietFury9]

@@gannonpatton2858 no worries my guy anything for our lord spiff to shine his radiance on us mere peasants!

[@OlieB]

Bump

[@NotEvenDeathCanSaveU]

yeah I totally love this game as well, just as much as medieval 2.. legendary stuff

[@EfraimTzimisce]

"Don't be afraid, he just wants to play!" - every owner of the attack dog (c)

[@makaylahnkanu304]

This makes me remember a past that I don't want to remember.

[@stephen90944]

"You are the toy! Hey doggo... Fetch."

[@imperator51]

:)

[@sozetsukokai9327]

He actually really just wants to play. What they don't tell you is that your entrails are the intended toy

[@FEARSWTOR]

"Don't worry he doesn't bite! ...might maul a little, though."

[@emersonthorpe8231]

Rome Total War and Medieval Total War were my childhood. Along with the Age of Empire games.

[@HippasosofMetapontum]

Anno and Civ?

[@emersonthorpe8231]

@@HippasosofMetapontum Not so much with those two. The latter mainly because for a long while I was too young to understand some of their more complex mechanics, so I'd just watch my Dad and Brother play Civ 4, and 5 I think later on. But still remember Gandhi being a warmonger, at least according to my brother.

[@loki7869]

6:49 the enemy got a nice amount of kills there

[@samalliston3094]

Wow, I’ve got such fond memories of this game when I was little. Remembering back, we had a very early morning flight departing from France back to England and that the flight was delayed by 8 hours, to our horror. To kill time however, my stepdad had brought his laptop with this game installed. Sitting on the floor near the gate, I remember vividly playing that historical battle between Egypt and the Seleucids (don’t remember what it was called) whilst struggling over and over again to beat it. After finally completing it after 5 gruelling hours I was at last approaching the dying stages of the battle. I distinctly remember the orange glow of the early morning sun, slowly rising above the horizon, and the sun warming me through the thick glass window; heralding my final victory into the pantheon of my young and imaginative mind. This is the first time I’ve ever thought back upon this memory, but thank you. Nostalgia is one hell of a feeling.

[@notacaulkhead]

Thanks for sharing :D

[@sarvajitkulkarni8271]

That's beautiful

[@alextowers3564]

From memory, I think it was the Battle of Rafia. Its the one where the general runs off at the start cause he gets caught up in a cavalry charge and you've got to bring him back round the side of that massive rock right? I'm glad so many people have such fond memories of this great game

[@BornDepressed]

Something tells me when Spiff drinks, he's either an incredible conversationalist, or one of the most terrifying men in all of England when he files his taxes.

[@marcoferramosca8712]

He says as he slaughter hundreds of men with dogs

[@joelpassanha8996]

@@marcoferramosca8712 Release the Corgis

[@lemeres2478]

Why can't it be both? He maxed his charisma and diplomacy skill, and then went out to talk to the tax man. Note that the alcohol gives a buff to both, and it actually ends up causing him to have an overflow error which meant that the government owed him tax money instead

[@BearOldcastle]

Probs finds a way to write taxes instead of to the queen but jimself by getting a de jure title on Zeeland.

[@SephirothRyu]

Spiffing Brit for prime minister!

[@Mullet-ZubazPants]

At the Battle of Yakety Sax, an army of squirrels distracted an army of dogs. The battle was just dogs chasing squirrels around the battlefield Benny Hill style, while Legion trumpeters played Yakety Sax ... true history

[@arsstv]

Fun fact: the Mongols historically actually won most of their battles where they didn't massively outnumbered their opponent by utilizing fast cavalry with bows to pelt the enemy ranks and then run away if they are getting threatened. They rinse and repeated until their own heavy cavalry could finish the job. And due to the fact that Mongols were practically raised with their bows they all could shoot while riding a galloping horse and could do so with extreme precision, able to hit quite a small target from 50 meter distance.

[@kekbur249]

Yes, if you fast forward over 1000 years

[@JamesPyrich]

Literally: Cry, “Havoc,” and let slip the dogs of war!

[@A0130EX]

I guess this answers the lifelong question of "who let the dogs out?" It was spiff and his roman army

[@zombiebentaylor]

Thanks to this video, I got back into this game and as 'Brittania' I've swiftly conquered Gaul and not so long ago have taken Rome using the dogo strategy in conjunction with the already frightening chariots. I feel like my 11 year old self again

[@Gormathius]

Sometimes something is so blatantly broken even on paper I just can't process what the devs were thinking when they made it the way it is.

[@n5284]

"I can almost hear the hounds" -The army of Gaul, moments before being viciously attacked by an infinite amount of dogs

[@quantustremorestfuturus5434]

Dogs are actually quite weak to hoplites or high level infantry. Still stupidly OP for their very low upkeep, and the fact that the dogs don't need to be retrained, you only have to worry about the dog masters.

[@redkellbell6169]

*meanwhile in a history class somewhere* Teacher: Today we shall be talking about Rome-- Random student: About Caeser?! Other random student: Caligula? Teacher: No no, we will be talking about a lesser known earlier general. Now class, I shall be telling you about the grand battle outside Narbo Martius in the year 237 BC, lead by general Quintus Julius Canis, the hound general. It was in this battle he proceeded to field a swarm of 1000 dogs and a few cohorts and decimated an enemy Gaul army of approximately 1200 soldiers. The upkeep was rather cheap too. Students: ... Teacher: there was after all hundreds of corpses littered among the ground. Would be a shame to let it go to waste... Students: O.o Teacher: As I said, it was rather cheap upkeep.

[@imperium3926]

Fmmmm

[@MrQwertysystem]

To be fair a pack of 1000 trained war dogs could probably have a good chance against an equal force of humans armed with only melee weapons. Modern weapons though would probably depend quite heavily on the location of the battle.

[@adrianbundy3249]

@@MrQwertysystem Not if they were disciplined, and armed with melee weapons even approaching something as good as a club. People tend to overvalue dogs, especially when confronted by thinking humans working together. It isn't no accident cave-men with much less than swords put fear into most animals, even capturing and them domesticating purely wild wolves as a precursor to our dogs - and drove even some more dangerous species into extinction (ice age era bear species, giant lizard near top of the food pyramid in Australia when the first humans set foot there, etc), long before our C02 emissions. Taking pride of lions as pelts, and worse - and those do work together, like wolves. Sure, no single of human probably would have ever wanted to fight them in an even ground, but a tribe of humans, and individual humans knowing hunting and killing isn't about fighting fair or upfront. Like waiting for the heat of summer to drive certain cold-blooded animals to temperatures and dispositions as to make something much easier to kill, and then kill it with fire. As it is, a decent club and the knowledge on where to strike, can take down any dog, even a great dane, or bigger - and a group of humans will certainly start coordinating well to that effect, even surrounded, where it would take a much greater number than them to take them out. Humans as it is, are only a bit less dangerous than a chimpanzee when fit towards our natural state, which most during the Roman era were. And one of those rip apart almost any dog you put in front of it, based on similar tactics, without clubs - even ones that are more than a hundred pounds heavier than it, dancing around the front attack, going on the back, breaking joints and/or chokeholding and ripping out the throat (as was proven in some once legal forms of dogfighting vs some monkeys, which weren't even chimps), and other more recent examples. Dogs have many obvious weaknesses, that can be exploited heavily, even in groups, if you are well prepared, with friends, and have basic weapons. Dogs only have one strong attack, but chimps, or humans for that matter, can make any number of appendages deathly lethal to them, especially armed - while using them separately to outmaneuver the dog's.

[@davidross5640]

@@MrQwertysystem Could you imagine this situation going down at night?

[@Krontok]

Jon suddenly wakes up "Oh! It was just a dream." he looks over to see Julianus Vatinius staring at him from across the dim room, the moonlight reflecting off of his bald head. "Go back to sleep Jon."

[@failure5058]

All hail the Vatinius!

[@CB-lw7ty]

I feel like as much as Rome total war doesn't get brought up much, when someone does bring it up then there's always plenty of people who love it and want to talk about it. I found out about it from a TV show in the UK where they had groups of 4 people take on historical battles as the generals of the army, so you had planning parts of the show and then the battle itself, was really fun and interesting that I was surprised it ended as quickly as it did. From that though I found out what game they used for the show, it was Rome total war and it's one of the rare games I've found myself needing to play atleast every other year for a large campaign just for how fun it is.

[@selebmemble]

What's the name of the show? I'm interested.

[@CB-lw7ty]

@@selebmemble Time commanders If I remember right, apparently the episodes are on here somewhere

[@LookBackHistory]

"Cry 'Havoc!', and let slip the dogs of war!" 100% the inspiration for this video

[@philsawesome]

Man childhood me had thousands of hours in rome total war and i did this CONSTANTLY every third army of mine would be doggos, i never thought it was crazy strong i just loved it

[@HydetheRapper]

I loved Rome Total War. This is just a nostalgia bomb.

[@56voltman]

This was the first strategy game I ever played when I was young. My first thought was "I wonder if he's going to talk about anything other than the wardogs or spartan phalanx?" oh the horse archers....I forgot.

[@mattsullivan78]

Is this Total War: Rome or Starcraft? Cuz all I see is zerg swarm.

[@LordOfGilneas]

LIVE FOR THE SWARM

[@d00mf1sh]

Came down here just to look for this comment, reminds me of the good ol days

[@Jonjon13Jonjon13]

kekkekeekekekeke

[@Smalltimestrategy]

DIE FOR THE SWARM!

[@hawkeye5955]

Basically the zerglings but they're dogs

[@andyduke6119]

Spiff: doggos are broken. Spiff: horse archers are broken. Spiff: what happens when I combine the two?

[@SanicDeHeghog]

Horse archer doggos. Which is a terrifying sight.

[@user-qv1gc1vn7o]

i'm picturing a dog sitton on horse back and jump off bite enemies neck like assassin

[@ievgeniiromenskyi3375]

how about horse archers that shoot not arrows but freaking dogs?

[@daddyosman2159]

@@skylordwolfface i see you are a man of culture as well

[@fun-kun7137]

You get a Mongol

[@bbilly9359]

The horse archer setup reminded me of poor old Crassus, basically you relived his major defeat again and again 😅

[@snowmonke8695]

3:38 If there’s one thing history taught us it’s that Roman legions love decimation

[@AKidWithNoAttitude]

Best jokes in the game include: Domus Dulcis Domus, a settlement translating to 'home, sweet home'; the germanic 'Screeching Women' unit; and the game's AI.

[@demomanchaos]

Shame you can't get a commander named Biggus Dickus.

[@ertvonzukonigvonrahm835]

What about the Jewish Rebels ? Look at the description. There is a Monty Phython Joke What about the Cheat Dog lover?

[@Barwasser]

Horsearchers being op and "perfectly balanced" is historically acurate tho...

[@czernodog8403]

this is a videogame meant to be played for fun

[@BigBeerus]

@@czernodog8403 ok and?

[@serialthrilliayahoo]

@@czernodog8403 then play horse archer geez...

[@kurosakiichigo7475]

@@czernodog8403 it's meant to be historically accurate

[@Alex-0597]

@@kurosakiichigo7475 It's really not. The developers deliberately made the Egyptian army go back a couple centuries for unit variety.

[@ares1774]

ah this is a truly beautiful game thank you for the nostalgia I seem to remember the perfectly balanced bridge battles where 1 phalanx unit can kill an entire army without suffering casualties

[@n3mezis979]

My favourite exploit in rome total war so far Stack 3 units of hoplites on top of each other Use phalanx Laugh as enemies are immediately obliterated when they come in contact with the wall of death Seriously this creates basically some kind of killaura in front of them and everything dies instantly

[@andrewcrain5422]

Gods...I hate Gauls. My grandfather hated them too, even before they put out his eyes

[@krishnakantbhatt9947]

Did you think I'd be out here on the frontier without good reason? Yes Rome has too many dogos And too many unwashed barbarians at her gates Let slip the dogs of war But don't quote me on it

[@garrettledford1147]

"I lied in the title" Oh no! How could you do this?! I'll never trust you again!

[@NWolfsson]

"My Teacups are a perfectly Balanced Community With No Exploits - Exposing the Perfectly Balanced Exploits!" Here, perfect Vlog title for Spiff x)

[@lachlanmckinnie1406]

This hits me right in the nostalgia. I loved this game when I was young. Something I found hilarious was when you were besieged, you could sally out before the enemy had siege engines ready, but not actually leave the settlement. So the AI would just circle the settlement, but invariably some of the units would get into tower range. So you'd get a bunch of free kills, "retreat", call it a draw, then rinse and repeat.

[@selder_7]

15:45 you missed an exploit. You ended your movement right next to the settlement but without the little movement left needed to put it under siege. However, if you split the army and send the horses up first, they can reach and besiege the walls of the settlement. If you then send the infantry to merge with the horse army, they have enough movement to merge back in and join the siege, despite not having had enough movement to start a siege. You can even then build more siege equipment now they’ve joined up

[@bknight3391]

This game made up a big chunk of my younger years. Probably my favorite part was the flavor texts for the stats your generals had. "This man has less influence then an olive. At least the olive could get lodged in someone's throat and cause them to choke to death."

[@Spicarium]

Rome TW was so good, they even used it in a 2003 BBC TV series: Time Commanders. With Richard Hammond as presenter. Fighting historical battles in 2 teams of 4. One captain of the team as a commander and 3 other players to control the army I believe. Not really sure about the format. Afterwards military specialists would even analyze the battles

[@GundamReviver]

Shit man I thought I hallucinaties the existsnce of that!

[@Spicarium]

@@GundamReviver No man, this shit was for real :D

[@aqpngian1369]

Every game that you show off makes me feel older and older, I played every game in your entire roster your videos and always makes me feel happier

[@randysausages]

Man, this was the first game I've ever sunk hundreds of hours into. Thank you for the trip down memory lane Spiff. I remember coming home from school, giddy to pop that disk into the disk drive and slaughter some naughty Roman bois

[@michaelhoffmann7111]

Can't believe you lied in the title. That's it, I'm switching to hot chocolate.

[@hydra9070]

.

[@poilboiler]

Nothing stopping you from dipping a teabag into that chocolate you know.

[@michaelhoffmann7111]

@@poilboiler I know what I'm trying later. If I survive you'll be updated

[@lukepooler6155]

Loved this game was just a random strategy game I picked up one day but shaped my gaming tastes forever.

[@superspicy8740]

Michael Hoffmann soooo How was it?

[@nickrostovtsev8214]

When I was a kid and this game came out my mom bought it for me. For some reason it was on 3 separate cd disks and in English, I knew no English whatsoever but it didn't stop me from playing this beautiful game. I remember that for next couple months, every day, my mom had to listen mighty stories about brave Rome family who wiped out poor Greece and Macedonia and then betrayed Rome senate.. Good times sorry mom

[@serotonin.scavenger]

This is really wholesome. You're lucky to have someone like your mum.

[@Bazookabunz]

I’m so glad you love this game. This was my favorite game growing up and I have numerous hundreds of hours poured into this game yet I didn’t know about the Dogs lol.

[@DoveAlexa]

The calls to action that most youtubers do to get me to like, share and favourite whatever rarely get me to do anything, but damn this channel has gotten me to drink more tea!

[@darebrained]

What I learnt: - Dogs are immortal - Dogs are perfectly balanced - Spiff isn't a true Brit as he didn't get himself a mod to replace the dogs with corgies the damn impostor

[@Neion8]

Corgies? I see we have a damnable Monarchist over here; real Brits only go for Bulldogs. Jokes; all dogs are amazing.

[@lewissmith5759]

Corgies are welsh, should be a springer spaniel

[@clockworkpotato9892]

@@lewissmith5759 Or a Staffordshire bull terrier Aka a staffie

[@jonramsey36]

Corgies would be hilarious. Now, imagine losing a battle to Pomeranians...

[@Neion8]

@@jonramsey36 Though a giant pack of vicious Chihuahuas would be something to fear!

[@Barwasser]

The Spiffing Brit: Horsearchers are op! Genghis Khan: write that down, write that down! Everyone: *chuckels - I'm in danger

[@walnzell9328]

Atilla the Hun: Interesting

[@theloniousscalliwag]

I love this game, played every total war from Shogun through medieval 2. Was my first strategy game after command and conquer. Love your videos and Yorkshire tea! Thanks Spiff!

[@tadaskay79]

Rome Total War was my first introduction into the TW series. And 15+ years later, I still love it. It is truly a timeless classic.

[@THE_Mirage]

Remember when spiff was forced to buy the stock images for legal reasons? Then the community wanted the watermarks so bad that he made his own

[@baldred7002]

Wait, did he make every stock image he uses?

[@thepurpleshade486]

Baldred yes, he is all those people! the true power of yorkshire tea gold!

[@baldred7002]

@@thepurpleshade486 wow, I didn't know he could even be in a place with multiple bodies with the power of gold Yorkshire tea, that's amazing!

[@Finnan189]

"Cry 'Havoc!,' and let slip the dogs of war." Mark Antony approves of this exploit.

[@admiralhackett7686]

grew up on this game, it defined my fascination with history, such a special place in my heart

[@mithshude]

This brings back some fond memories, i remember playing the barbarian invasion and there's a campaign where you get attacked by a horde of 20 000 or so horses right at the start and are supposed to lose your city right away (10-20 fully stacked armies coming for you right at the start and you have like 300 town watch). Well i didn't know i was supposed to lose and managed to take down the entire army with only about 500 spear wielding troops by basically using the spartan tactics vs persia. Had a small town with 3 narrow passages to the town square, put 1 group in each chokepoint and had the rest of the troops help push back wherever we were losing. Since the enemy didn't have any archers at all i actually managed to defeat them using this tactic alone, although it was pretty boring tbh since you just sat there waiting most of the time. Still one of my all time favourite games without a doubt!

[@MercuryAlphaInc]

"Why is an entire faction wearing pink?!" Is their leader a pompadour sporting, moustachio'd man named Cotton Dynosour? 'Cause that'd explain it.

[@Syler321]

Long live Cotton!

[@bernardomatta4218]

The enemy army: Rally the men, we are going to war!! Spiff's army: *growls increasingly*

[@MrEvan312]

Man, when the Romans fought the Dacian Falx-wielders they had to make massive changes and improvements to their infantry for the Dacia campaigns: they had to include arm armor, make more use of chain mail, padding, added segments of plate, training to facilitate its usage (Falx have a nasty tendency to cut of or disable limbs). Who would have thought that Romans could've just used angry dogs or half-naked horse archers!

[@williambarbre4404]

I remember in the Vikings expansion of Medieval Total War, I trained a single unit berserkers to do the same thing: I would highlight the enemy general, send in the berserkers, and the battle would be over in about 2 minutes with the enemy general dead. Fun times!

[@edwardlewsey3954]

Rome: Total War was mind-meltingly incredible, having played Medieval: Total War into the early hours with my friends each playing a leader until they died the graphics were amazing. The build up was palpable, Time Commanders the TV show used the game. Awesome times

[@HippasosofMetapontum]

still like to play it

[@Casketkrusher_]

Remaster sucks though

[@edwardlewsey3954]

@@Casketkrusher_ I haven't been brave enough to try it yet... worried that it will spoil my memories :-)

[@meanmeng1950]

@@Casketkrusher_ all they did was redid graphics 4K support and newer features

[@Savaris96]

As a certain Nerd once put it: Rome: Total War is broken and he totally loves it

[@metetural9140]

Ah yes a certain nerd I love. And hate. Fuckin wanker. I love that man

[@potvinbo]

He is a true nerd. And I love it!

[@timeenough501]

Julianus Vatinnius : the man, the myth, the space emperor. 👍🏻

[@FilmsNerf2]

I like Nerd³ too. Its just a joke. I know who Jon is.

[@metetural9140]

@@FilmsNerf2 yeah... remember the podcats? And its reboot? That went on for how long... oh yeah. One episode that wasn't even live...

[@matthewbirrell3460]

Man I used to play this with my brothers as a kid... completely forgot about it... thanks for the memories man.

[@melogranohifi]

My mother is an archaeologist with a PhD in Roman History, playing this thing in front of her as a kid was an absolute joy, as she oscillated between absolutely loving the fact that I was getting into roman history and absolutely loathing the game's inaccuracies

[@FlyingDragoon8]

"Flax" men sound a whole lot less terrifying than FALX men.

[@GritimoTheOdd]

I love Spiff but when gets a name THAT wrong it hurts.

[@Pyreas]

I remember buying Rome: Total War when I was on a vacation in Scotland when I was like 16. It's great even if it's full of exploits. The good old days of Total War where arrows and crossbow bolts were physical projectiles were my favourite.

[@KaisaMachinimas]

Just one of the greatest games of all time.....if not the greatest:-) I do also like Rome II, after 100 patches, but the feeling of Rome is just unique.....love your videos, keep them coming!

[@charlesdelusignan7909]

I played this on pc when it came out. Loved it and have put hundreds of hours in. More importantly it's now on Android. Amazing. The parthians are basically am exploit in themselves. They have the horse archers but they have cataphracts...who go through Romans like butter.

[@addochandra4745]

Have you heard of the Armenia's Cataphract Horse Archer?? It's even more 'balanced' unit...

[@Brazyer]

Spiff; also Mr. Burns: "Release the hounds."

[@GrandAdmThrawn]

Fun Fact: that AI is still better than the AI in Rome 2.

[@pon3d120]

All they had to do was release Rome 1 with a few balance tweaks and Rome 2 would've bewn amazing. Instead we got a buggy mess that made no sense.

[@atomiknight]

Truth

[@locus2427]

@@pon3d120 Rome 2 isn't a buggy mess

[@andjelko1999]

@@locus2427 its not that bad in 2020

[@jorgevillarroel4884]

Play with DEI un hardest, haha

[@TheCMajor9th]

ill be honest the reviews and yr comments are awesome i bursted in laughter :D good work m8 ! :D

[@micahminor4764]

I've been playing this game since 2005 and I've never even thought the war dogs could be so invincible. I laughed so hard watching this. Thank you.

[@boskone]

Spiff: "I will attack with immortal super-dogs." Me: "...that looks like fire ants. That's truly terrifying."

[@bird3013]

i think there called immortal because when a dog dies it gets replaced as soon as the battle has come to a end

[@liamwalsh8872]

This is just the power of yorkshire tea gold combined it’s deeply doggos

[@bobThebuilder-mj8ht]

If a few dogs died, and theirs yorkshire gold. Oh no Jhon Wick

[@superspicy8740]

bob The builder you mean *WOHN JICK THE SECRET CHINESE BROTHER OF JOHN WICK*

[@user-dv8rd7wf4i]

I LOVE THIS GAME!!! Thanks for playing it and making these videos

[@custink22]

Rome total war is still one of my favorite strategy games. Thanks to this video, i want to play again. One of my favorite strategies while playing as a kid was to use peasants and dogs to lure enemies into archers and artillery, and just annihilate them. I also used the artillery as mobile shock troops, blitzkrieg style, with cavalry on the flanks, and infantry and archers mopping up behind.

[@cebraulkenne8571]

And this is how the furries secured the Roman empire.

[@serotonin.scavenger]

I mean, if your legendary founder was suckled by a she-wolf when he was just a babe, how could things turn out otherwise?

[@7411y]

No wonder it fell in the end

[@cebraulkenne8571]

@@7411y It was because of all the rape.

[@Gilhelmi]

I first saw this game played by Jon, of MATN. I immediately fell in love. I must have sank 2000+ hours since then. It is a glorious game. Future games were technically better, but one never forgets their first time.

[@sjs9698]

for me that was fighting battles atop massive hills in shogun, my army whittled down to a general & a few scraps of units, unable to get away from that province they stood year after glorious year till the enemy finally had no more armies to send. a few battle-hardened survivors being a core of elite units that'd go on to subjugate the whole of japan. 'course both veterancy & unit-replenishmentwere a tad different back then...

[@finloq2758]

This and Blitzkrieg 2 as well as Close Combat 4 I believe were my first strategy games. lots of good memories.

[@artoriosvii6801]

Rome Total war was one of the first video games I ever played and it continues to be one of my favorites simply for some of the ridiculously overpowered units like the berserkers and the spartans

[@pgetheelderscrollsturkiye68]

They are also the best 2 units in real history too, berserkers and spartans.

[@nickbrady]

I did this strategy like 15 (I'm old) years ago. I had a mad general with a pack of killer dogs! Great for low armor German tribes.

[@Blisterdude123]

The first RTW is 'the' definitive Total War game.

[@ertvonzukonigvonrahm835]

What was best a RTW : Unites that were jokes or just realy Fun Missiles: Sound, apperence and Terrain Advantage Intros were better than all other intros The Game gave you the ability to make every gamestyle worke You can get every faction with a few ... hackes? By Modding? It was so simple i dont know how to Call it The General traits were Logical and you acualy loved and hated some characters. I Really cried when my favorite died. He was a nice highly intelligent ugly 30 Year old man who was in spain

[@theubiquitouspotato]

Defo heard spiff shouting Fenton as the dogs just kept running.