Rome: Total War Remastered - Part 9 - I Am The Senate

Rome: Total War Remastered continues, as we send our forces against Rome itself, but the eternal city isn't going down without a fight...
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Fanfare for Space, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
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[@trygveplaustrum4634]

"Send in real melee" *sends in the Cretan archers* *Jon regrets his decisions*

[@samukai5802]

Timestamp please?

[@polygondwanaland8390]

@@samukai5802 20:00

[@mythicalsnails6668]

I yelled at my monitor

[@thomasesr]

Oh no, Jon

[@thomasesr]

21:27 immediate regret

[@eddotron1224]

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Marcus the Wrathful? I thought not. It’s not a story the Julii would tell you. It's a Roman legend. Marcus the Wrathful was the last standing general of the House of Julii, he was so strong and tenacious he not only outlasted all of his Family, but Rome itself. He lasted so long, the only thing he was afraid of was losing his city, which eventually of course, he did. Unfortunately, he shared with the senate everything he knew, and they murdered him for 60 000 Dacian gold. It’s ironic, he could protect Ariminum from other leaders, but not his own.

[@mercenarygundam1487]

I would send you gold from my elephants by my Mercenary Samnites and Hoplites accidentally poked one and they are running amok. In other words, SOMEONE PIN THIS COMMENT!

[@lc4n333]

The barbarian side of the force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be uncivilized

[@suborbitalprocess]

Marcus the Wrathful: "Thank the gods! The Senate has come to break the siege!" The Senate: "Well, funny story, Marcus..."

[@publiusthehandsome2314]

Hoisted by our own petard once again

[@alexanderhammil6754]

Jon: Prove that you've renounced Rome by wiping out the last Romans. Roman Senate: *weeps, readies their lances*

[@publiusthehandsome2314]

:(

[@nindger4270]

It should read *weeps into gigantic pile of money, readies their lances*

[@alexanderhammil6754]

@@nindger4270 their gigantic pile of plundered roman coinage

[@rrs_13]

to be honest, romans are quite known for turning against each other and all that stabby-stabby business...

[@joebrotherson9653]

Here they'll just go cry into their massive fortune. "Oh woe is me" they would say invetween sobs, and drinks of very expensive wine.

[@joshhamm11]

"I have purchased the Senate." American politics in a nutshell

[@TitanDarwin]

Heck, Roman politics in a nutshell as well - it's either buy senators or murder them to get your way. And sometimes they bribe or murder you back.

[@MaxwellAerialPhotography]

You act as if the British parliament isn’t in the pocket of special interests as well.

[@Hoppelite]

Lol you mean every senate and government ever created

[@Azaghal1988]

@@TitanDarwin only really in the late republic. The first few centuries political violence wasn't really a thing.

[@iwankazlow2268]

@@Azaghal1988 Oh how wrong you are.

[@MadTurnip]

I just imagine the head senator guy shrugging, saying "If you can't beat them..." and changing hats.

[@publiusthehandsome2314]

Ides of March, etc.

[@21films92]

*changing pants!!!

[@The_Laughing_Cavalier]

"It's treason then..." *Dacian King starts spinning furiously*

[@joshhamm11]

1080 corkscrew on horse back

[@bc7138]

It's funny how it really was treason in the end. Jon bought the Roman Senators to his side and they delivered the coup de grace against the remenants of the last standing Roman army in battle .

[@Mathmachine]

So this is how Democracy dies, with thunderous applause!

[@TheLiamster]

It’s “Liberty” not “Democracy”.

[@Mathmachine]

@@TheLiamster Fair. Though in my defense, Jon isn't killing liberty, he's killing Rome, which was a Democratic Republic.

[@TheLiamster]

@@Mathmachine yeah, I’m sorry if it seemed like I was being petty. I didn’t mean to offend you.

[@METALFREAK03]

@@Mathmachine It wasn't really a democracy, more a staturial republic...(held by prominent gentes - noble families) eg: You always had two consuls which were favoured by the senate. The only time when they weren't favoured was when they (the senate) didn't allow an already serving consul or prontifix to do something which angered them and made them turn home with 23 of their loyal legions... So it was a bit like early English "democracy" where you had two choices and both were of Aristocracy and you basically voted for your landlord or the landlord's choice. (as you didn't want to lose your livlihood).

[@Mathmachine]

@@TheLiamster No offense taken. Just pointing out why I thought the quote worked better slightly tweaked. Thank you for giving the correct version.

[@MrDUneven]

"Oh, the Thracian army seems to be pulling back for some reason, maybe they spotted army of Greeks or Scythians" he says when his full stack army stands next to Thessalonica.

[@Septimus_ii]

I forgot that army existed. Jon probably did too

[@InEpicinium]

"They're glitched into some of the buildings." *Ending card flashbacks intensify*

[@junlegoh6354]

Elephant to the rear!!

[@Sp4rt4nSl4ya]

In fair Verona we set our scene, oh my god Becky, look at her butt!

[@dinisnascimento4929]

Man Cotiso really had an arc, he may be a poor commander but with his limited set of skills he conquered the eternal city,

[@jackoneill8169]

You could say he has a certain set of skills

[@colinothebambino]

Can we take the time to acknowledge that Jon just occupied both historical Roman capitals in one episode?

[@TheTruth-xp2of]

This was like textbook "How not to siege a walled city..."

[@ManyATrueNerd]

The biggest problem with mercs is that there aren't really ANY solid heavy infantry with good armor & morale who are well suited to a grinding wall fight. Thracians & Bastarnae are both too lightly armored, hoplites want to stay in their phalanx, and scutarii are just too light and low morale. I really should have gone for mass sapping more often to just bypass the walls.

[@the_monk_lives4882]

@@ManyATrueNerd Dont worry, most dont watch for high level strategy but for little levels and the occasional rage at a decision you didnt realise you made XD

[@NMahon]

@@ManyATrueNerd better sending infantry than singular peltasts, you also had two towers and could flanked the velites on the walls, you had twice the units, maybe more

[@firaselachkar4159]

@@NMahon imagine watching John for high end autistic total war strategy and not a comfy chill time.

[@TheTruth-xp2of]

@@ManyATrueNerd Indeed a unique problem for this run. I do think you had better options than to throw one unit at a time into a tower with a broken unit in it against double Velites though. The best option would be as you say, "bypass the walls" entirely. TBF, the bribe made it all worth, and with the whole peninsula in hand you have plenty of time to rebuild that army.

[@tiberiusbrutus942]

Jon during Medieval 2: "Eh, we can wait a few turns to capture that city, it's not a massive priority." *proceeds to go to war with his nearest neighbor only after 100 turns* Jon during this run: "FLIPPING HELL EVERYONE'S INVADING ME FROM EVERY ANGLE" *kills every Roman faction by episode 9*

[@kotzpenner]

Offense is the best defense

[@ilo3456]

Basically what happened to real Rome, displaced eastern tribes come into their lands and conquer them just you know way earlier

[@noname-do5wo]

A cornered animal is when it's most dangerous

[@WotWotex]

Jon, at a memorial service for the few surviving veterans who took Rome: "You see, Romans have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of Illyrians at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Claire, point to the medal I won."

[@Sp4rt4nSl4ya]

I can hear him in my brain saying this

[@mithrae4525]

Zapp Brannigan?

[@adapperwatchtower6598]

I appreciate that Jon has given me and my friends the great view of Rome, I can watch the arena if I want a good view, some nice theater, and if I need to sleep I can watch the aqueducts flowing. The only problem is the constant Romans fleeing. . .

[@trygveplaustrum4634]

Day 7 of living as the Romans: I'm really lonely right now on this peninsula. I've constructed straw mannequins in different primary additive colors and placed them around my table for company. I've been correcting their Latin, and reprimanding them for eating with five fingers instead of three. ...I think I'm going insane. That's it. *I'm returning to the home country!*

[@dhanriel4519]

Welcome back

[@huittlaarma9455]

Romanes enut domina

[@RCN2820]

But...we lost Dacia...

[@thgrxxll]

@@RCN2820 we need it back, at what ever cost

[@iain.sm.c]

I love it when Jon shouts at his units for doing what he ordered them to. I hope these mercs are being paid well.

[@Ishoam]

Jon: "I am the Senate!" The Senate, with their nearly unbreakable wall defenses: "Not yet."

[@Jon_the_Wizard]

Somewhere, Spurius Flavius, The Most Christian Man To Ever Christian, weeps.

[@caillanmcguigan6038]

Jon executing Order 66 was unexpected

[@robertpower8161]

He did what must be done. He did not hesitate. He showed no mercy.

[@NoodleKeeper]

I love the "Senate Kill Team" I expect great things from them in the war against Scythia.

[@KatonRyu]

A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one.

[@cantasyoutuber]

The Senate bribe into their invasion of the last julii (and roman) city was the funniest thing to ever happen 😂😂

[@geoffreyentwistle8176]

As an American, the idea of senators doing anything more strenuous than typing up a document, let alone riding a horse into battle, sounds hilarious... XD

[@ilo3456]

Funny enough considering how to hold public office in Rome you needed to have served in the military, it would be very common to have public officials that could also serve as military official, and considering that the Consul and Co-Consul were in charge of the military, it is interesting to see the ties between the military and civil sectors of government.

[@Sp4rt4nSl4ya]

It would be nice if we could make that a requirement in our system

[@T-minus-infinite]

@@Sp4rt4nSl4ya idk about that, military experience doesnt equal good legal decisions.

[@testcorecom]

It took Jon 9 episodes, but finally he converted his campaign to a roman one like he wished it was at the beginning.

[@RedSim13]

Jon you've sent in your Cretans as melee JON YOU'VE SENT IN YOUR CRETANS AS MELEE I'm not emotionally invested in this series I swear.

[@RedSim13]

"Cretans can do anything" EXCEPT MELEE THIS ISN'T EUROPA BARBARORUM AAAA

[@5Andysalive]

He probably just wanted to send a few Cretins....

[@mithrae4525]

Highlight of the series!

[@sonofskeletor33]

In today's episode of Rome Total Incompetence, I mean War, Jon allows three surrounded Thracian generals to escape with their lives, sends his Cretans to do some wall fighting, sends his units assaulting a city in piecemeal for the 476th time and wonders why they break for the 476th time, and then blows 90% of his treasury on four old Roman geezers. 10/10, would watch again.

[@Nadodan]

When I saw Jon put the Cretin Archers as "Melee fighters" I thought for sure we were about to get the greatest 1 Perception Jon moment ever where he wastes a whole unit of Cretan's wall fighting Hestati

[@TitanDarwin]

"Cretin Archers" - that's a beautiful typo.

[@KAZExNOxSAGA]

- Why did a horse cross the street? - To close the door.

[@deeptisinha4709]

Nice one

[@darianmartin416]

14:00 “Are you allowed to flee?” 35:50 *Selecting the Exterminate button and watching Rome burn* So sorta?

[@saltytyranitar6981]

I had a heart attack when I saw you sending your Cretans into melee. -1 Perception strikes again

[@erendurmaz7788]

When cretan archers have high ground.

[@AllenorLP]

It's really funny that you are literally following the path of the Goths in the migration period. Invading the Balkans and Italy and all while being chased around by Mounted Archers.

[@MaxwellAerialPhotography]

Jon just sent Cretan archers into wall combat. Perception -1

[@athath2010]

In his defence, he noticed his error and called them off before they actually reached the walls.

[@konnerdeyo4775]

Since the Dacians have now become the Romans, that officially means this series is an alt-history origin for the Romanians. Nice going Jon!

[@sonofskeletor33]

That's not actually accepted history.

[@TitanDarwin]

@@sonofskeletor33 They literally said "alt-history origin".

[@sonofskeletor33]

@@TitanDarwin "Alt history" can mean a lot of things depending on the context. In this case it doesn't mean what you think it means.

[@mattevans4377]

I feel like Jon still has the dark side in him since KOTOR...... And I love it!

[@patrickholt2270]

Don't forget the experienced mercenary hoplites who can be hired in Sparta's zone. Same cost, 3 chevrons. They're Laconic.

[@ImmaLittlePip]

Captain Ion has the coolest name

[@kabobawsome]

If this happened in the real world, this would be a legendary tale. The man who bought the Roman Republic after waging a long guerilla war against them, because a Roman colony attempted to displace his people.

[@Aragain-son-of-Aratrain]

Prequel meme? A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one.

[@alexisauld7781]

Everyone: Our job is to invade Rome. Dacian Mercenaries: *Take over all of Rome* Everyone: Stuff it, close enough!

[@deeptisinha4709]

East and West fell at the same time.

[@jacobsxavier6082]

In the end Caesar was right, it was the corruption of the senat which would put an end to Rome.

[@MrVlogman101]

Did you know if you bribe a roman general with a senate office, you get some brief bug text about your factions senators even if you're a barb faction or something?

[@athath2010]

Is that in the remastered version as well?

[@MrVlogman101]

@@athath2010 I meant in the remastered, I don't know if thats a bug in the original.

[@jansenart0]

33:58 The answer to every question is Cretan Archers eh? Well, how about this one: what type of mercenary unit did Julianus Vatinius command before being named Man of the Hour?

[@athath2010]

Honorary cretan archers.

[@mgb360]

What type of mercenaries do you send into a melee on the walls?

[@Ganonmustdie2]

Now that you've got some bribed generals, is it finally time to name one of them as your faction heir? I just think it'd be funny if the Dacian family tree was filled with Roman names after a few generations, essentially doing one of those historical about-faces where a "barbarian" tribe conquers a more "civilized" one and then adopts their ways over time.

[@SeymourZClevarge]

Well, their children would be named with barbarian names if my memory serves me correctly. That how it was in the original game

[@cantasyoutuber]

tip: the merchants make more money the further away from their original city they are. Sending your lvl 10 merchant to a place closer to byzantium than italy wont help

[@thundercheckov9782]

That was a tough ride ! I think Rome still lives on, the romans won't become Dacians but I guess your king is already minting coins Roman style and parading around claiming roman titles and having regular baths !

[@hailcaesar2328]

I just finished an Iberian campaign in which I bribed a few Roman generals. I love how they still give speeches to my barbarian units as if they're romans.

[@AB-xf7li]

Was just playing a "Britons in Rome/Egypt" campaign "Throw all my units, generals, spy on the boat I start with and sail into the Mediterranean" and I had pretty much all of Italy other than Rome and 3 turns later the Senate had bribed 4 settlements and they are all full of Principe and Triarii Makes me want to just abandon Italy and go sack Greece and Turkey

[@rockeeben07156]

@Many A True Nerd please Jon, mercenaries and other units will break instantly when in a disadvantageous situation. Sending single units to climb walls and hold will never work. You need the buff of nearby other units to keep them stable, such as by creating multiple entry points and flanking units on walls or on the ground. It is painful to watch and I always end up skipping over the fights because it's too unbearable to witness. Love u tho x

[@ZakisHereNow]

Ouch. That siege was painful to watch. Always bring a ram or two! Send your troops onto the wall either side of the tower and while they’re engaged, send in the rams. That way if they do somehow maintain or retake the arch/tower/gatehouse, you can still get troops in and up the stairs to retake and surround the troops on the walls.

[@seansedore2708]

Oh thank goodness, I love this series, thank you Jon. 😊

[@leeboy26]

31:20 -When you're in a staring competition... TO THE DEATH

[@unknowguy9642]

I could just imagine that the Roman senate when you come to them they still wear roman clothes but when you bought them you just humiliate them by forcing them to wear barbarian clothes

[@Heshla_Biea]

I've never seen units lose experience before.

[@actonvogt5216]

Jon: *does absolutely nothing to support his lousy battered skirmishers on the walls* Skirmishers: *lose to heavy infantry causing the gatehouse to fall* Jon: *shocked*

[@Elephantstonica]

Socially distanced battle on the wall there. Romans: ‘Keep back we’ve got the Antonine Plague!’ Dacian merc captain: ‘Bloody Romans. Could’ve told us earlier. Daz mate! Get off the wall and go swap out those bog sponges in the latrine. I’ll be needing a dump later. Had to resort to otters’ noses for breakfast.’ Darren: ‘For flip sake, why is it always me? I only joined up coz I thought we were going to sunny Crete’.

[@patrickliu9390]

This series improves Mondays so much

[@trygveplaustrum4634]

At least they could say that it took Romans to finally defeat the Romans! And they'll ignore the Greeks, Scythians, Samnites, Cretans...

[@smilosabercat]

I have tried to play these games and I am just no good at them. That being said, it is great watching someone who really knows how it should be done. Thanks Jon.

[@SirJebusHRM]

I don't know who the person was in Jons life that recently started saying "that's not nothing" and got it so deeply embedded in his brain that he says it multiple times every episode, but I curse that person and their family.

[@chrisa4284]

eh, it's not as bad as his constant misuse of the word "momentarily" it means "for a moment", Jon. **for** a moment, not "in a moment". It's a synonym of "briefly". EVERY. SINGLE. VIDEO.

[@Hasahn.]

I love the intro everytime

[@Murgatron]

I am surprised you didn't withdraw the unit of 3 horsemen when attacking Rome to get an additional, fuller unit from your reinforcement army. Loved this series, never thought you would get this far with only mercenaries starting as Dacia!

[@princeamongkings343]

The Senate will decide your fate.

[@TheLiamster]

I am the Senate

[@publiusthehandsome2314]

Are you threatening me Master Dacian?

[@HellishSpoon]

Goooood.... let the hate flow through you

[@jonathanlaulund3027]

dacia and rome in one... some might call that DOME and domes are beautiful

[@randomsandwichian]

Best Merchant in the world slaps iron mine: This baby churns 482 gold per turn

[@remcoveenstra2018]

You need to fight the Scythians in the citys, then the horsearchers cant run! Keep up the good work Jon!

[@guskes8889]

40:32 the senate watching like: How did they win from us...

[@Badwolf461]

Jon: "Maybe there's a big Greek army" Also Jon: looking directly at his own army in the Thracian economic heartlands. Edit: I can't spell Jon.

[@basbrouwer7842]

I Really need a daily dose of this.

[@tommysalty5864]

I see Patavium is defended by one of Jon's ancestors, Captain Ion. Also, the Cretans are the answer to everything, especially to who should storm the walls, apparently ;)

[@ianoconnor106]

Anybody else notice the Carthaginians are just hanging out next to Sicily?

[@rhysnoble3128]

I'm glad its not just me who loves the town watch garb

[@claytonweyl4135]

Jon using money stolen from the common folk and corporate lobbying to buy the Senate is the most realistic thing about this episode lol.

[@vexphoenix]

"Senators! I come to make you an offer you *literally* cannot refuse."

[@Jovian999]

Oh Publius, you beautiful treacherous worm

[@publiusthehandsome2314]

Listen baby. When in Rome, you gotta do like the Romans do

[@jansenart0]

6:21 It wouldn't be R:TW if it didn't have units stuck among buildings.

[@selder_7]

You’ve a strong and safe economic heartland now, which you didn’t have with your starting position. Once you have that you’ve won, it’s just a matter of time

[@Jamienc]

Put your units together in the army bar you raving psychopath! Horsemen, spearmen, shirtless, shirtless, horsemen - these are the sortings of sick mind.

[@macroglossumstellatarum5932]

The best thing about the increased amount of clutter in cities is that your artillery can now set fountains on fire...

[@Notorious_C.J.P]

"What are you cretan archers doing over here" jon you sent them there. 😪😆😆

[@TheLiamster]

My allegiance is to the Republic, to Democracy.

[@ilo3456]

Ah yes the word of Senator in Dacian will be known as an elite warrior class of foreigner troops.

[@Xobralvl70]

Worlds most socially awkward battle in history omg I can't stop laugh. 34:48

[@perturbedbatman2009]

“Let war be so carried on that no other object may seem to be sought but the acquisition of peace… and so, I will take up my blade and butcher the once-living fuck out of Marcus the Wrathful” - Cicero, in this universe.

[@farshnuke]

I love this series

[@JuveVinny]

I noticed Jon clicking the archers and sending them to assault the wall assumed that was a mistake lmao

[@johnd.hathcoat9223]

It's crazy to be one of the first to see this. I always look forward to your new videos Jon.

[@tommerker8063]

jon was possesed by the ghost of zhapp brannigan for the duration of that siege 16:00 sending in wave after wave of his own men hoping the ai would soon reach their kill limit. seriously though. whats the point of sending 1 unit against an army thats on the walls protected by towers?

[@fieclaussell5379]

Another great episode of [REDACTED]: Total War Remastered.

[@Notale3]

The Roman artillery are knocking down their own walls 19:57 !!!

[@adammullarkey4996]

"The answer to nearly any question is 'Cretans.'" Hey, John? Remember like 10 minutes ago where you nearly sent Cretans into a wall fight? Yeah, that. Honestly, that statement reminds me of one of Bill Bailey's routines, on the anti-drug slogan, "Just say no." "Do you mind if I blow this hallucinogenic powder up your nose?" "No."

[@Penreef]

Oh damn, that title makes me very excited

[@LyricalDJ]

So _that's_ why we don't have invisible walls anymore. The one invisible wall workshops facility that existed was in ancient Rome before it was torn down by the Dacians! Oh how different the world might have been..

[@ApollonUnchained]

I'm not convinced that half the senate kill team will even live to see the showdown with Scythia, since they are 62, 57, 43 and 37 years old. 😋 And Jon you really should know by now that sending in single units against larger numbers and out of range of a general is deadly to morale, even for good units. You regularly exploit it on the enemy. 🤗

[@selder_7]

Amazed how far this has come. Also funny that the best way to play as Davis is just play as Rome instead

[@Roytulin]

20:21 Wait, Jon, are you sure you want the Cretans to...

[@johnwesleyhall3713]

Let’s remember that feral interactive actually made this game. The same company that brought the original Rome Total War to mobile devices.

[@macroglossumstellatarum5932]

With the improved AI I'm waiting for Jon to try to fight a bridge battle, only to realise they now use the secondary crossing points...

[@harrywhittingham7753]

Top series!