r/Maliciouscompliance I Turned a Customer into a Zombie!

[@gerrard1144]

OP: ah, zombie is back again Mrs Jackson: be nice or I'll eat you Coworker: *confused screaming*

[@PirateShux]

This comment wins

[@ckinggaming5bucketmadness766]

I wannn tooo speakk toooo youurrr brraaainagerrr

[@yesisaidthatright3127]

I'm sorry Mrs Jackson :(

[@dingdongdork00]

@@ckinggaming5bucketmadness766 funneh

[@ckinggaming5bucketmadness766]

@@dingdongdork00 BRAINEH

[@mezzokitty247]

The lady taking money out of OP’s payroll in the second story literally lived up to the workplace expression “stepping over dollars to pick up pennies” more than any other story like that I’ve read lol

[@mrn234]

Its like here in Germany when you get money from the state when you are without a job. There are often cases where the overpaid someone by a few cents and then send out a letter that probably costs more to print and put into an envelope + shipping then they get back. Friend of mine had that once and they wanted like 90cent back from him.

[@mezzokitty247]

@@mrn234 lol that’s so dumb, “We’re gonna spend more of our own money in order to make u give us a few cents of your money cuz we made a mistake in math but u have to fix the mistake for us”

[@DiggerDeeper01]

Never heard that expression but I'm keeping it.

[@chaosreaver3597]

The last story. OP: "Oh, you want 3 years of financial records, and you have a fax machine... let me get right on that". Lawyer: "Why do I hear boss music?". That lawyer reminds me of that slightly drunk guy in a bar who orders the chicken wings with hottest hot sauce they have, then wonders why the world's newest volcano has erupted in his colon.

[@damnedtolive9121]

When the lawyer hung up and immediately sent him the document, that's when he cried uncle.

[@MrMaradok]

When the fax machine was mentioned as “continuously faxing,” I couldn’t help but hear The Heavy’s minigun from Team Fortresses 2.

[@krel7160]

@@MrMaradok "Ya-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta ya-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta do-de-da-va-da-da-dada! Kaboom!"

[@xientau9028]

I once saw someone make the mistake of telling our local thai place to make his food "as spicy as you can, I don't want some bland baby food". The poor fool had no idea what he was in for. Most of us would hopefully pause for a moment if the staff of a restaurant reaches behind the counter and pulls out an official-looking document for you to sign before they actually punch in your order. Some things to note: 1. The name of the restaurant includes the words "Spicy" and "Hot". Guess what their speciality is? 2. The owner/cook of this place collects rare hot sauces. The spicier the better. His collection includes a whole bunch of pretty little bottles with names like: "Ring of fire", "da bomb", "last dab", "Internal Combustion" as well as a nasty little home brewed number that he has lovingly christened his "Deathwish" (He once claimed that chewing Gympie-gympie, a type of australian stinging vegetation known as "the suicide plant", would probably be a more pleasurable experience than eating that). I wish I could have seen this guys face when he took the first bite of his meal, but unfortunately he ordered it "to go". Never saw him again though...

[@chaosreaver3597]

@@xientau9028 Yeah, you see idiots like that all the time. It really funny when you see someone order the spicest thing on the menu. Most are used to stuff like an Indian Tikka Masala (yeah, I know technically it was invented in Britain) or Thai Red Curry, then they get hit by something like a Jalfrezi (something I like) and it hilarious to see them squirm when they bite off more than they can handle. But off menu... I like spicy food, I the sort of guy who will order Spicy Pork Ramen and ask for some hot sauce to kick it up a bit. But, no matter how drunk I might be, I never ask for the spicest thing that they can make, I ask the chef for the hottest thing he thinks I can take. If I'm a regular, I'm never disappointed, usually they double the chillies, and give me some mint yoghurt with a some kind of bread or something similar. But I've seen plenty of blow-hards demand the hottest thing, and all you see is instant regret. A Jamaican restaurant near my favourite bar has something the owner calls "F-U Sauce", it's a regular Scotch Bonnet Chilli sauce which is very hot to begin with, but with double chillies and god-damm Ghost Peppers added to it. It will nuke your ability to taste for at least a week and make most people gag just smelling it, the owner has to make it outside the kitchen wearing thick rubber gloves a heavy apron, gas mask and goggles, no one orders it twice. It's just painful to eat, and I wouldn't touch it if you paid me.

[@josephhenderson2538]

In the zombie soldier story, right after OP mentioned that "the casualties coming in from Iraq/Afghanistan were pretty constant," I got an ad to join the Air Force. Probably my favorite Algorithm Oopsie so far.

[@jiogcyihsugyiocjfdoivhphvw6821]

they only accept dead people. since u have a pulse, youll probably be rejected LMAO

[@rizkiramadhan9266]

"Bomb the Americans back!" - KZbin algorithm

[@christopherrogers303]

Under your comment you have two ghost comments I can't see too. Nice😁👍

[@gerrard1144]

Karen: *drops paperwork* Guy: hey let me help yo- Karen: NO GO AWAY Guy: sorry, it's closed Don't be racist. I am a building

[@glorynicol7189]

*memory unlocked*

[@songohan3321]

Play stupid games and win stupid prizes.

[@ckinggaming5bucketmadness766]

Aliens are among us, the Karens, they are

[@pandabomber4367]

I guess this happend in switzerland

[@Legofan2676]

Remember they WILL haunt your dreams.

[@zaneyyes7074]

The story with OP and Mrs.jackson was surprisingly wholesome!

[@mikem3543]

What’s so wholesome about fraud? And using someone’s mistake to get out of paying what you owe?

[@varahunter68]

@@mikem3543 you don't understand, but tbh neither do I. I don't think she had any malicious intentions in mind, but what do either of us know

[@LucyAdroit]

@@mikem3543 Is it really fraud if those idiots running it are at fault, not the person who owes it?

[@primrose6794]

Plus, she did open another account and was willing to pay for any charges accrued on that account.

[@michaelvidal1971]

@@mikem3543 It cannot be fraud as they wrote the debt off. There was nothing to pay and she did not owe anything so was not avoiding paying anything.

[@Ragehunger]

Some accountants never seem to learn. If you're gonna be a one-time penny-pincher, the employees are just gonna start racking up the expenses to the max possible limit out of spite. They're honestly expecting employees to start caring more about the company they work for when the company doesn't care about punishing them for trivialities.

[@tiredman99]

For the story where OP isn't being paid for staying 30 minutes late. OP you really need to make a log of all the times you stayed late and weren't paid for it, then merely get into contact with your department of labor and say you haven't been getting paid to work overtime

[@SoManyRandomRamblings]

I wonder though, since they aren't officially scheduled till 7, and they are clocking in regardless Labor might see OP as the sketchy one for clocking in early and then trying to get stuff out of it. Otherwise that would be the way to go if the business was forcing someone to work late, but technically the job isn't making them, they are choosing to clock in ahead of their scheduled time without being forced to do so. So then that becomes having to take the time to argue your stance and how clocking in before they even wanted you to makes it their fault. That might be why they do it the way they do it, because of that loophole.

[@tiredman99]

@@SoManyRandomRamblings maybe that's why the company has that policy. They see it as a way of getting free labor without being able to be sued by the department of labor

[@SoManyRandomRamblings]

@@tiredman99 almost certain that is exactly why they exploit that loophole

[@ianaamdan]

Also it depends on the company policy. From where i'm from, all companies clearly stipulate what is considered overtime. Eg in the story the hours are 7am/pm to 7pm/am. The policy stated in our employment agreement would have stated we are being paid for those 12hours. Any extra work hours would have to be approved by a manager. If you choose to come in early, that's your choice. But in certain settings, some people have the courtesy to arrive early to relieve others and mutually have others arrive early to relive them.

[@ianaamdan]

It's like one of the places i worked at. The hours were 7am/pm to 7pm/am. To note, we were handling cash. Everyone would mutually arrive at least 15minutes early to count the cash at the 2nd counter for opening. When we're done, they'd close their counter and start counting their cash and finish everything by 7. But there was one colleague who didn't care. She'd come in exactly at 7 and start counting. Making the ones leaving finish after 7. We weren't able to claim that extra as overtime because it was in the stipulations.

[@KawaiiKlau]

When you're too busy to watch any rslash so then you have 10 videos for one day 🥰🥰

[@CzejS1991]

Well said! I've been listening to Rslash on my way to work and back every day. I don't usually watch on weekends though. So basically Rslash made me like Mondays cause there are more videos waiting for me ;)

[@justanamitard]

Same

[@gryphon4909]

Same. I never have time so I just binge watch every couple of days

[@ChaoticAngelKitten]

That’s where I am too

[@volleyball6997]

Best feeling

[@NeedHealer]

With the zombie story, I'm guessing that there's another person with the same name and last name, and the person classifying the other person as dead, did an oopsie and chose the wrong person. So if this is the case, f to the family which will need to pay for a debt that should dissapear

[@kimjuanun8424]

In the US you are legally not obligated to pay off deceased family member's debts.

[@condorboss3339]

One of my co-workers had the same name as a murder victim in Toronto. The case got a lot of publicity. Canada Revenue Agency confused my co-worker with the deceased and changed his status in their records, which cascaded into a bunch of other government departments. This meant certain benefits were cut and payroll had trouble processing his cheque because CRA kept refusing his tax, employment and pension remittances. It took nearly two years to clean up the mess.

[@ridhosamudro2199]

@@kimjuanun8424 that sounds like a good reason to kill said family member

[@kaiseremotion854]

@@kimjuanun8424 except for college loans iirc

[@AzureKyle]

This is what I was thinking too. Probably same last name, same first initial, and someone just grabbed the wrong account.

[@dkwei8812]

For the 2nd story, I'm kinda shocked that the company reacted like that over a 5cent overspending. It puts shame to a big company like that.

[@stefmyt5062]

Thanks for the time stamps rSlash, they've very appreciated!

[@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072]

He always has them in the description lmao

[@maxximumrockatansky7186]

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I be poopin' on company time.

[@remybomb4690]

Rofl

[@PirateShux]

xd

[@Kikyo8887]

Robot chicken

[@scarlettsteele7999]

My old boss had that saying as her Facebook cover photo. 😂

[@ericwilliams1659]

Here I sit having a laugh, Taking a shit on time and a half, Later that day I had the cramps, I tried to fart but crapped my pants

[@rustygribbler1380]

The last story was fricking beautiful AF

[@shawndavis8906]

AAFES = Army Air Force Exchange Service. The acronym AAFES is pronounced A-Fees.

[@Claymoresmash]

And often just called "the Exchange". It changes up to being called the "PX" if you're Army and "BX" if you're Air Force. I hear the Navy calls it the "NEX", but I've never been to that side of the services.

[@slaveteri]

Thank you. The mispronunciation was bugging me. Too late to fix it now, but perhaps @rslash will know in the future.

[@windalchemist001]

Thank you someone said it because I flinched every time he said it wrong, since I worked at it for eight years before I quit this last Friday (working their sucks like being in middle or high school again)

[@johnnagustafson9996]

@@windalchemist001Agreed, I only lasted year there.

[@t-kicker26]

@@Claymoresmash can confirm. I work at the local NEX

[@gaxalee7392]

I love the zombie story!! Mrs.Jackson seems to be very nice and good-natured.

[@mikem3543]

If she was very nice, she would not have participated in fraud.

[@milantosic]

@@mikem3543 if you got to save 4k you would

[@ckinggaming5bucketmadness766]

Cann I speakk too yourr braaainnagerr

[@liviwaslost]

@@mikem3543 boo

[@nightrayneraven1323]

@@mikem3543 how is it fraud if she was declared dead?

[@fnjesusfreak]

"My boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I - on company time"

[@jeremyweaver9598]

Right out of high school, I hired in with a Chrysler plant, (that closed years ago), and every job in there had a set production rate, that was designed to meet customer demands and keep outgoing inventory at a minimal. After all, you don't want a bunch of control arms and steering knuckles rusting prior to being installed on the vehicles at the assembly plant. This means that sometimes production rates were set low enough to where if you kept to the break schedule, you could be done one or two hours earlier before the end of your shift. While you could leave if you wanted to, it was highly discouraged by both union and management. Instead, you can go sit in the breakroom, take a nap, play cards, read a book, etc. While I did all those things, sometimes I also walked around the perimeter of the plant which was the size of four football fields! It was great exercise. When I was still in my probationary period, I would finish my scheduled job and the supervisors would put me on another one, especially if they knew the operator on the next shift was calling in sick. Being that low on the seniority list, I would have most likely been forced overtime, and they would just have me run that same machine for another 4 hours. But I remember the day when I got my 90 days in, and management wasn't keeping track of it. He tried to put me on another job. I reminded him that my 90-day probation is over, he told me to do it anyway, and actually threatened to fire me if I didn't do what he told me to do. I got the Union steward and they fixed the problem. However the supervisors still tried to threaten to fire me because he hadn't written my final evaluation yet. Thank goodness we had a union!

[@Sorchia56]

So true! When I worked at my law firm, hated being a lawyer by the law, we took on Big 3 cases and I’d read through the documents laughing! I a few of us had extremely hard times during depositions keeping it together. The Unions really do take excellent care of you guys. One worker was being sued for multiple violations on the job. His violations were all coming to work drunk and spending his entire shift, paid for, sleeping it off! With his Union rep there the whole time. We had to tell our clients all the time that they had no case. They contracted with the Union and would have to hold to that contract. We could do nothing for them. They paid us so much money. I was the main medical malpractice defence for physicians but boy did I love those cases!!!

[@Richard_Nickerson]

We're not a work force, we're just inconvenient slave labor

[@SoManyRandomRamblings]

Yes unions are wonderful, that is why greedy corporations fight against them so hard

[@bostonrailfan2427]

so wonderful to do jack shit for hours then complain when you’re needed to actually work…this is a classic example of the best an WORST of unions

[@jo-annbastings]

It’s amazing to notice how often people forget (or ignore) that a minimum of respect and civic-mindedness go a long way. If you treat people the way you want to be treated, a lot of headaches will be avoid.

[@Hybrid301]

I know a lot of people who would like to be declared dead and resurrected to get out of debt. It’s is very tempting these days.

[@Hybrid301]

@SoyBoyThoughts unfortunately, we seem to be currently living in a financial system that is built around acquiring debt.

[@Hybrid301]

@SoyBoyThoughts well a lot of people aren’t you. My point still stands.

[@PirateShux]

Time for me to Google "How do I kill myself and survive"

[@abrahamthebewildered1448]

@@Hybrid301 Bottom line is that debt is a choice. If all you can afford is macaroni and cheese, then don't go out and buy filet mignon on a credit card. The only problem these days is people living outside of their means. How often do you see people order pizza, or go to McDonald's? One pizza from a pizzaria is already 2-3 times what you should be spending on food for the whole day for one person. . . Well, unless you have a million dollars. You're fine after that.

[@Hybrid301]

@@abrahamthebewildered1448 looks like we are thinking about completely different kinds of debt. I’m talking more along the lines of “you got cancer,had insurance, and now you are out of work with 100K in medical debt because the insurance you paid for that should have covered it used some BS legal voodoo to weasel out of it. Mac and cheese isn’t going to fix that shit.

[@krazycats564]

I love how the German woman not only missed out on submitting her papers but also on free help. Who doesn't want free help?

[@bitameah7745]

The fax machine story is hilarious and I so appreciate the malicious compliance there.

[@mistingwolf]

I am honestly still amazed when customers ask us to FAX order confirmations to them.

[@SeraphsGenisis]

That zombie one is super wholesome. I love it.

[@mr.scarlo2234]

I hope that everyone is having a good Sunday!

[@tulips1083]

I am thank you what about yourself

[@Villasloth]

Aw thank you I hope yours is wonderful

[@tulips1083]

@@Villasloth same

[@tulips1083]

Who ever said the internet is toxic

[@tokyosmom88]

I'm gonna be that person- but for the future, AAFES is pronounced "ay-fees".

[@maggielong7070]

You worded it so you don't sound like "that person". You're just offering helpful information, and presenting it as such. Rslash would be proud of you for considering others' feelings.

[@tinykitsune0387]

I wanted to say the same thing everytime he said AAFES.

[@chefedegaru]

The way rslash pronounced AAFES made me chuckle. But I get he doesn't know how because he's never had to deal with the PX or their bullshit lol.

[@shantimattie9916]

Hey, I did it too, and I’m not deleting.

[@Rockisus1]

You beat me to it haha, being an army brat it kept throwing me off the way he was enunciating AAFES, but I know not everybody knows how to say it and other on base stores

[@Arnautovic1]

You're the best reddit youtuber I've found, I'm seriously addicted

[@gabrield4777]

Try Dark Fluff. He's good too.

[@tjhooker05]

I agree

[@birdie8844]

Prolly cuz it isn’t a robotic voice but I agree

[@123321jasen]

@@birdie8844 because each video has personal touch to it and personal comparisons.

[@deithlan]

It’s so great I’ve literally watched EVERY SINGLE video as they came out for over TWO YEARS and I’m still enjoying it so much. Plus, as a non native english speaker, it helps so much too.

[@maieen2665]

Never thought I'd read a wholesome story about a zombie on r/maliciouscompliance, but here we are!

[@amarvaid5782]

Since nobody said this I will... Thanks for adding the timelines it really makes it better and easier to go back to a story that you find particularly hilarious. I used to try and find the video manually but this makes it much better.

[@vexxama]

Honestly that lawyer is shady as hell. On paper they could say they were being diligent, but it seems like he was just harassing someone on behalf of his client, threatening them, and filing false reports to the IRS without a reasonable level of certainty or proof that any wrongdoing had taken place. I’d have put in an ethics complaint about them the moment they threatened the OP with the IRS over the absence of proof of wrongdoing

[@goldenfish5390]

I remember once needing to send a 200 page assignment over Gmail to my ex wifes lawyer (she and her lawyer wanted to prove i was "hiding money"). Oh boy receipts add up fast when the other parties are being assholes every chance they can. But i didn't go the malicious route since piling the other party with papers instead of a file is not the best look for the judge.

[@mrn234]

Its always funny when the other side thinks you are hiding money. Cause when you doing it right they cant proof it. When my Mate separated from his Toxic Wife after 7 years he had like 3k€ in change (couple of those giant water bottles full) A couple of Krügerrands (those gold coins) he got from his grandpa before he died and some other nice stuff. Overall probably 20-40k or even more idk how the Krügerrand price was at this time and that was all stored at his parents house in his old room since they had one of those super cool oldschool safes (His Ex Wife had a horrible spending habit when she got money in her hands)

[@goldenfish5390]

@Regan Emma hmm.... did u mean to paste that video?

[@JohnDlugosz]

@@goldenfish5390 Yes, she's been spamming it. It's a new trick to add some more-of-less meaningful comment as well so it's not obviously a spam/porn link. This comment fits the thread; the others are hit-and-miss; can't put _too much_ real work into reading and responding when you have a spam quota to make, right? Be sure to flag them when you see other copies.

[@jiogcyihsugyiocjfdoivhphvw6821]

the woman who showed up dead was the best story ever

[@Draygarth]

I assume the "dead" woman is a case of checking the wrong box. Maybe she was injured or given medical leave, but a clerical error resulted in her being marked as dead.

[@Eric1SanDiego1]

The way he mispronounces AAFES (it rhymes with "babies") made me cringe just a tiny bit. As for Zombie woman, my guess is that her Star card was one digit off from whomever had passed away. I freaking LOVE that she embraced the nickname.

[@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072]

Living in Dallas for most of my life noone pronounces like that. It’s usually Ayfs or AyFESS.

[@Eric1SanDiego1]

@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072 well when I was in the Air Force, we got commercials on the official military network and officials from AAFES were the ones who told us how it's pronounced so I think I'll defer to them.

[@squeakybeak7832]

1:25 I had to listen twice. "She put up a closed sign?" Doing dishes and this didn't make sense. Now my phone has soapy fingerprints.

[@Ranos17]

The zombie story was simply adorable

[@Richard_Nickerson]

When your employer refuses to pay you for the time you worked, regardless of reason, you tell the department of labor and find a new job.

[@thunderflare59]

The lawyer had no right to his financials. The thread wasn't empty though, because he could have gotten the IRS to audit OP. The IRS does not require a lot to be convinced to investigate people.

[@BeanManolo]

Well the investigation would end up with nothing against OP, and the lawyer could've risked his own career for malpractice.

[@corroded_creature_creations]

In the face machine story, shouldn't OP's ex get into trouble for making a false claim about OP's finances and stuff? Like wouldn't that be defamation?

[@PapaDePicante]

I like the timestamps, they really help

[@PirateShux]

Your profile picture is rather suspicious

[@PapaDePicante]

@@PirateShux 😳

[@danielventer5192]

@@PapaDePicante I agree with PiarateShux your actin kinda SUS

[@KaprikornX]

That Fax story was bloody brilliant!

[@aeonvalley8589]

Daily reminder that you are loved and appreciated even if you don’t know it

[@Lundonaid]

lies! you dare lie?

[@skyeaurelliah9883]

you too

[@Badartist888]

The last guy should have brought it up in court, that their lawyer asked for financials on threats then refused to accept them.

[@Mewse1203]

Dude in divorce story did a classic lawyer move: drown them in paperwork. Not even a lawyer and did the petty lawyer thing

[@MadJess_Tik]

That lady was a TRUE Penny-Pincher! 🤣🤣🤣

[@uthmanbaksh3530]

I'm amazed that the fax machine was able to print out a whole CVS receipt, with coupons!

[@real-zenithas]

2002, I had to file sick for pancreatitis. Filed paperwork to report that I was due in hospital on X date, etc. The report was misfiled as "notified dead on X". X rolled around, and I was told that I was unable to have my pancreas dealt with, because dead people can't go for surgery (though addendum, my doctor at the time moved heaven & earth to have me seen to, rest his soul). It took six weeks to be restored to the living (made undead?), during which time I found that there's a Royal Society of Dead People.

[@LegendofAly]

It's likely they meant to mark another star card holder as deceased instead and did this lady a favor.

[@fdm2155]

OMG. Why would you spend $50 in man hours chasing a nickel? I worked for a non profit that required us to turn in the $9/day we get for jury duty. The finance team HATED processing those checks and considered them a waste of time/money. 🤣🤣

[@johnathanstucker4924]

More likely is that since there is a bit of repetition in surnames a soldier with that surname died and multiple employees tried to input it and so she was claimed as deceased. Bonus points if her first name started with the same letter.

[@KDannXII]

2 years after OP's death the bank will still go "you need to pay a fee for being inactive"

[@Mothman1992]

I'm guessing someone else tried to pay off a debt, gave the wrong card number, said their S.O. had died, and they processed it

[@JosiahSum1Wallis]

As a military vet, so someone who knows how military, and military related things tend to go. I would say AAFES had another person with the same name that had really died, or a number off the account number and it was just not verified by AAFES who was or was not dead/the account holder.

[@somestormcloakwithanarrowo4671]

Oh well, I'm saving this vid for tomorrow since i have an exam

[@sandyjamison5929]

Good luck on your exam! 🙂

[@gojira4life]

Best of luck! You WILL succeed! NEVAH GIVE UP!!!

[@erickm119]

Good luck

[@mrmarker98]

Good luck!

[@ZanderMaddenn]

Good luck with it!!

[@morgandouglas6014]

Zombie Jackson sounds like a nice undead lady.

[@midnightredditor1991]

To counter Rslash's theory on the zombie with, the fact 95%of military systems are awful.... just awful

[@gardianx5293]

Yeah, sounds about right sadly. I remember at boot the DIs literally said that if you get sick see the military physicians but if you get injured go see a civilian doctor. One kid was hurt at boot and the navy med refused to do anything so he went AWOL long enough to see a civilian doc and came back PROVING he was injured. The Navy Medical tried to coury martial him. Another guy lost all feeling in his peg from the knee down and they said that there was nothing wrong with him so he took a pair of thread snippers and stabbed them into his leg while looking at the physician. I ruined my knees in Marine Corps boot camp and the Navy 'doctors' never did anything. So yeah, the entire system is kinda whack.

[@JonPITBZN]

My hypothesis on the deceased Ms. Jackson: Her last name was Jackson. Extremely common name. Probably someone else named Jackson, with the same or similar first name died, and some overworked bureaucrat closed this woman's AAFES account based on that information.

[@lpfan4491]

"Go back where you belong and don't touch my paperwork!" Guy:"I go back behind the counter and we are now closed, so I can't take your paperwork."

[@evangelinea3447]

Love the new way you split the stories in the bar!

[@redshepardgames]

"Eat Fresher" from 1:45 has 100% been said on this channel before, this is the only r/ channel i watch and ive heard that story lol, somebody made a mistake! :P

[@rainbow_vader]

"did that customer pay off her debt?" "She did (dead)" "Oh, she's dead?" Bruh I'm dead from that theory 💀

[@jacobpugh592]

I like the little story you came up with for the zombie customer but I think it’s more likely someone messed up while trying to file an account as deceased and somehow did it to the wrong account. So like great luck on her part she practically got a $4k bonus but some other family is going to get harassed about a late payment for the person who actually died.

[@quicksilverlacey]

I think all the other family would have to do is send over another copy of the death certificate so it would be an easy fix but I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate getting another call about their deceased loved ones debt. I think you're probably right that's likely what happened was a mix up.

[@bostonrailfan2427]

the zombi customer is hilarious, it’s a funny glitch that the company can’t get out of without issues that’d hurt them badly

[@jeremygilbert7989]

Fun little personal anecdote on the star card story. My grandpa served in Vietnam both before and during the war with the US Army 1st Special Forces. After the he came home he and my Grandma went to apply for a home loan with their GI benefits only to be told they didn't qualify because Grandpa was dead. Apparently to maintain his cover during certain covert missions he's not at liberty to discuss the US government declared him legally dead and they had to fight through a bunch of red tape to resurrect him lol. So who knows, maybe the "zombie" was also a certified covert badass too!

[@1Scimetar]

The theory for the star card story the rSlash came up with might be the case, but I can't help but think that someone had spoofed her card as a form of identity theft, but the thief died and was mistaken for Ms. Jackson, causing a version of her to be out there with a fraudulent death certificate.

[@j.d.4055]

So...fraud? OP maybe committed fraud? OP asked if the customer is declared deceased but failed to mention that the customer is actually physically alive and standing in front of them. That part needed to be clarified. This could potentially be illegal. I would hope they have a policy for this sort of situation. If not, they need to implement one.

[@rayg6497]

While the fax guy was able to come out on top, I highly recommend that anyone going through a divorce get a lawyer. It make take years to pay off the legal fees, but it's worth it. My ex's lawyer sent me a list of questions that was less invasive than a CIA background check. My lawyer went through it and marked the ones that I needed to answer and told me to ignore the rest. The other lawyer was trying to get me to give info that could be used against me.

[@JohnDlugosz]

Re Zombie customer: see the Brew video about people who are declared dead and have to get that reversed. The number of clerical errors he mentioned is astounding. This is probably the same -- no goofy mis-hearing a co-worker (she didn't pay off her bill, anyway, so he would not have said "she did" so the joke (I assume it was meant to be a joke) doesn't work. It's probably a typo or data corruption error.

[@SirAdamK87]

That moment when he's talking about getting paid to poop, while I'm on the toilet at work, getting paid to poop.

[@iaobtc]

I'm going to hazard a guess on the zombie customer that they shared a name with a service member that was killed or even had a similar birthdate, and whoever handled closing the account, lacking their account number, had to do a name/DOB lookup and picked the wrong one. Which likely means the deceased in question's next of kin ended up getting the very bill AAFES was trying to avoid in the first place. /facepalm

[@lianathewolflover4516]

When I was younger this happened to me, my mom was filing taxes if I remember correctly, and noticed that there was an issue with the money. Can’t remember if it was more or less than she thought it should be. So she called and they said there had been a death in the family. My mom asked who died, apparently I died. What happened was a funeral home had put my social security number in by mistake so it said I was dead. I literally had to go in, sign a paper that said, that I am not dead, that I have been resurrected. It was a day.

[@ShiftySqvirrel]

So you're Jesus?

[@lianathewolflover4516]

@@ShiftySqvirrel that would be cool but no.

[@scythe6992]

My uncle, who served in Afghanistan, found out a few years back that Veterans Affairs believed him to be dead.

[@DarkcIoud1111]

It is possible that someone with a similar name or even the same name was killed, but the Zombie's account was closed out instead.

[@leonelcarita]

The Zombie story is simple, Jackson is a common name. Most likely another Jackson died and the put in the system the wrong Jackson as dead.

[@catrasredemption6981]

Wait, the clock guy - unscheduled BATHROOM BREAKS? wtf?

[@undrhil]

In thr Aaves story, more than likely it was a typo or wrong account. Which means someone else who actually did die still had their account open, probably.

[@1.1797]

Idk if its how its supposed to be, but we all pronounced it as Ay-fees. Man, the BX is one of the few things I miss from being in the military. Great store. No taxes.

[@johnnagustafson9996]

It all depends on what base AAFES is located, and how long ago it was.

[@1.1797]

@@johnnagustafson9996 yea. I was referring to the pronunciation of the word AAFES specifically. We'd make jokes after buying a ton of stuff at the BX that we had "raging aafes"

[@johnnagustafson9996]

@@1.1797 AAFES used to be fabulous especially overseas. I was at RAF Lakenheath 1995 to 2003 and went back to visit friends in England stopped by the vade and found the BX a shadow of what it used to be....no cosmetic counters in particular. And I worked at a very small PX in the states that had little to offer other than t-shirts, beer and snacks.

[@1.1797]

@@johnnagustafson9996 dang. Yea, I grew up on keesler and then joined the air force myself. So I saw quite a few BX's myself. Last base was Seymour Johnson in NC.

[@avispaoscura1817]

"I'm sorry Miss Jackson, you are deceased."

[@farawayxgalaxy]

9:11 this small section about appearing to be alive made me smile and laugh so hard. Love it

[@KlementtM]

Karen: DONT TOUCH MY PAPERWORK Guy that handles the paperwork: 👍

[@gamingandlego4735]

Idk why, but an employee informing someone that a client died by saying “she ded” is hilarious

[@PhantomSt21]

9:04 "Im sorry Ms. Jackson, I am for real."

[@tenhirankei]

I have to wonder what the lawyer told the wife divorcing OP. LOL

[@Jayvee4635]

10:48 - Apparently "She dead" can be correct in AAVE

[@slee7863]

The AAFES story not surprising. OP was being very nice at just calling it incompetence when it can be so much worse. At least the zombie didn't have to pay back 4k

[@mrsplashman8308]

For the by the clock story, OP could have just walked around or read a book and not inconvenience the person who they are relieving

[@enngee2339]

That first story was the best👍

[@ebofthechill8008]

Boss makes dollars when i'm making dimes, thats why I s!%t on company time

[@reddiamond6524]

And then there's Zombie! She's dead.............

[@robertaylor9218]

The fax thing basically shut down the lawyer’s Bussiness. Lol

[@ed808]

For the 5 cent story, OP should have done it again. Maybe 12 cents to make it a yearly affair.

[@alouzan]

LOL I work at a law office in e-discovery, the FAX had me in tears....perfect...

[@wingracer1614]

I worked in a government office for a while that would occasionally get 200+ page faxes. Fortunately our machine was a good one and usually had no problem with it. The rare occasions when there was a problem could be a massive PIA though. Of course nowadays, I work from home and get a big fax every now and then but it just goes to my email as a PDF. I'm 100% paperless these days

[@Positivekitten]

I have a friend who, while in the Army, was mistakenly declared dead. This was decades ago and he STILL has problems with ut coming up as “deceased” in his files!

[@cryptokaotic9413]

First one is more of an instant karma than malicious compliance

[@neilprice513]

With the military store mistakenly classified a service woman as dead. With bureaucracy it may be as simple as they input changes to accounts, to add the Deceased addendum, via service number only and not by inputting any more personal details. Then someone just mistakenly inputted the woman's service ID number instead of the real deceased service member and didn't check they had the right person before closing the account. Bureaucrats can be that focused, oblivious and/or lazy.

[@AuntLoopy123]

It literally cost more than five cents just to have the conversation with him about it. So stupid.

[@remidrawsstuff5187]

Okay but the deceased story is really wholesome

[@bobingabout]

the one about 5 cents. I totally get this. I remember for "Petty cash", we were allowed to spend up to and no more than £10 per purchase. This also required a signed request slip to get your month back. I often had to split orders into single items just to make sure each receipt was £10 or less. Sometimes I even had the guy behind the counter fudge the numbers so if I was buying a £12.99 item, and a £4.50 item, it'd come out as £10 and £7.49, just so it would get passed. Later, when I gained the ability to sign them off (for literally anyone except myself) I had to explain the issue to everyone else who wanted to buy things. HOWEVER... while this was the most convenient method, it wasn't the only method. it was the only method to get cash in hand, but on some occasions, I actually spent many times that, and would get a cheque back for that amount, which I'd have to take to the bank. It required more paperwork, so nobody really wanted to do it, but it was possible. Before I got the rights to sign them for other people, I stopped bringing in my wallet. it was kind of convenient on my part that I could tell people asking me to buy stuff... "No, I can't do that, I didn't bring my wallet today. But if you go and buy it, I can sign the paperwork for you to get your money back!" I did sometimes get the "I'll give you the money, so you can go buy it", I mean, I could go buy it but, "I can't sign for myself, so even if I did that, you'd have to go to finance to get your money back." I got more paperwork, but I got less legwork.

[@iamdangerous5189]

"I'm sorry Ms. Jackson, ooo, but I am for real.... you dead"

[@Muricata]

The zombie story is adorable