Social Anxiety after Betrayal

[@Soulseeologia]

Betrayal trauma is the worst type. All you feel is anxiety towards everything and everyone. Having made the incredible mistake of trusting your innermost confidante, it forces you to second guess yourself from then on at every turn and question your decisions about everything and everyone. You look back at your lieF time w that person in horror and see that every one of your decisions big and small were mistakes because they were all based on false pretenses. There are no more good memories. Your past becomes your worst nightmare. You can’t talk about it with anyone because it’s so traumatic and even if you do, nothing can be done anyway. In the end no one really cares. Few can relate unless it’s happened to them. And even then it’s traumatic for that person not to mention humiliating, so it quickly becomes time to change the subject. There is no equivalent for the pain you are now forced to endure forever by imagining the person you once called the love of your lieF sleeping around. Or worse, not with just anyone, but a friend of yours. Yet another person with a network who you wrongly let into your lieF and trusted for years before you finally discover the truth, that everyone namely betrayer’s family who you also came to love, knew and was in on hiding it from you as well. Even war vets with trauma can reconcile it someway perhaps they got injured or even mortally wounded. But at least it was by the enemy or perhaps even a friendly fire incident. Not their fault, just bad luck. But when it comes to betrayal trauma it’s your own fault for trusting the person and thus letting it happen. It’s an extremely twisted and debilitating mind-wrecking burden that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. You don’t deserve the pain, the betrayer does, yet their mistakes becomes your cross to bear for lieF. As if lieF wasn’t hard enough, now you find yourself beset by an irreconcilable problem. God must know cheating is the hardest sin to endure and forgive or he wouldn’t have forbidden it in the Ten Commandments. Even if you can find it in yourself to forgive, the forgiveness itself causes you to regress and decline because you are essentially exhibiting the same accommodating behavior that allowed the betrayal to happen in the first place. Forgiveness is to simp. You see yourself as a glutton for punishment. If you are like me you take it out on yourself because two wrongs don’t make a right. It sucks so bad but all you can really do is self medicate and kick rocks while the person you once called the love of your lieF rides off into the sunset relatively pain free and unscathed. It’s the ultimate crime with no punishment.

[@abby-xo7kf]

Yes

[@64cuspofchange]

Wow ! The way you articulated that whole story I felt it !!! And I like when you mentioned forgiveness ...betrayal like that is BEYOND forgiveness the damage is so complete that even if all those people were to be genuinely sorry it just wouldn't matter because you are still left with your shattered life and Only you and God can work it out together🙏

[@noracharles9366]

F*cking excellent share👏❤️‍🩹

[@64cuspofchange]

Wow !!! .......😬

[@crystalhogan8738]

Wow - yes completely correct- I feel the same especially family that was hiding it as well - I have the same situation as much as I would love to reciprocate the the wrong doing so he can feel the same pain 2 wrongs don’t make it right and I would be wounding myself because I’m not that type of person so you’re right no punishment and no justice

[@goddessglow6996]

My anxiety levels are so bad that my heartbeat is starting to literally hurt 😢. Betrayal by the one you loved is the worst kind and there is a huge spectrum of betrayal not only by cheating.

[@Soulwildxlovex]

agree, it is earth shattering. my partner has a porn addiction and it led to some other things more severe breaches of trust and violation of my body. we are trying to work through things. supposed to get married next year. he is committed to healing but i feel so lost

[@Soulwildxlovex]

i am so sorry you are experiencing such bad anxiety from the betrayal. sending so much love your way. I hope your health improves. we do not deserve this, it is not our fault.

[@susanandersen8814]

The humiliation of your partner betraying you with someone they swore they hardly knew is really damaging. Telling you that they only worked together briefly years ago and even though were connected on social media with her, he "never" interacted with her really (according to him). When in reality, he was messaging her secretly on there, deleting the conversations and actually asking her regularly to hang out with him (behind my back) when I wasn't around. Telling me that I was crazy and insecure when I suspected something weird was going on with the two of them very early on in relationship. It's a total mind fuck that changes you and your brain forever. Leaving the person helps, but it cannot undo the chaos they brought into your life and scarred you with.

[@lauradingle6186]

Me: who gave you a ride home the other day? Him: some old chick with kids 4 months later , I found their intimate discussions. All the nudes she sent him. When at the SAME TIME PERIOD I told him I don’t feel connected to him, yet he continued

[@janetburke1726]

There is an enormous amount of truth in this - I hadn't consciously connected my reversion to wanting to spend most of my time at home safely cocooned - with my partners infidelity. I think it undermines your confidence in your intuition and reading of social situations.

[@Soulwildxlovex]

thank you Russ. I am really struggling right now. Your vids are so helpful

[@RaxhealUrbalejo]

I used to be a total nature lover. Someone who would go barefoot outside to reground herself. Someone who loved every ounce of herself, where I could take pictures for 12 hours not realizing an hour had gone by. Someone who took chances, one who never thought twice about taking an airplane somewhere she has never been on a whim and just go. Someone who could dance on the beach for hours not caring who is watching. The day I found out of the trauma at 5 months pregnant that person I knew, is now someone envy and would love the chance to get to know. I have maybe left the house once every 5-6 months in the last almost 4 years. I haven't looked in the mirror for not more than 5 seconds at a time, I haven't taken a picture of myself, I find joy in nothing. Betrayal can really damage a person's whole being no matter how confident they were in themselves.

[@patdesylva5762]

I am feeling so wretched at the moment. I switched on my phone thinking "is there anyone out there who can relate to my feeling of worthlessness ". I read your comments and immediately felt as though I was reading my own life story. The first betrayl I experienced happened 50 yrs ago and the betrayals continued on and off until his libido packed up. I left him several times during the past 50yrs and returned, believing the empty promises that it would be different. I now feel like a victim of Stockholm syndrome, I feel worthless and unable to escape. In a few weeks time I will be 80yrs old . The message I'm trying to get across is that don't ever think you can cure a serial betrayer.

[@Soulwildxlovex]

@@patdesylva5762 i am so sorry , heartbreaking this is. we do not deserve this,

[@dianelogan8822]

Yes its true and no one is talking about it. Thank you.

[@jake_with_the_BIG_snake]

interesting video. need to get some stuff of my chest on this one. got tricked into fathering a child and she lied about it. intuitively i just "knew" what happened. but i was disconnected to my gut after getting C-PTSD from upbringing so i trusted her that it wasn't mine. took me 5 years to finally listen to the feeling and accept it after boat loads of therapy for childhood issues(also betrayal trauma in a way since i felt betrayed from my dad when i begged him to help me from the abuse and he was just like "meh don't worry about it, just ignore it"). once the child hood issues were sorted out at least to an OK level by working a 12 step programme, doing body work therapy, reichan therapy, reflexology, wim hof, etc, angering, screaming, crying, beating on bags and pillows etc(not just talking about it lol) i could finally go through that betrayal which was worse than even my CPTSD inducing family upbringing. how it affected me, I would flinch when women would approach me and i noticed they had a romantic interest in me. i would need to suppress the flinch or lean away or go away in order not to look strange. I also got sexual dysfunction, i became completely numb around my "perineum" and pelvic floor and had very weak urination, like no pressure. i also got complete loss of motivation since i thought "nothing in life matters something terrible is just gonna happen" also i got "trapped anger". i realize i had to dissociate and split from my body completely in order not to hurt her since nobody had taught me it was ok to express anger properly and how to do it in a very physical way, hitting, screaming, kicking stuff etc. my body was constantly trying to rev up to full blown homicide rage but my mind was like "no you don't, cause someone is gonna get hurt". etc. this anger went directed towards myself and i got auto immune stuff like exzema. and thyroid/adrenal issues, nothing super severe though fortunately. not 100% ok yet but its getting there. i also got gaslit by my first few therapists that said the situation didn't have anything to do with me even if it was true that the child was mine, and that angering physically not even on to inanimate objects was absolutely a no go. "you just have to feel the anger without taking action". yea lol like thats gonna work with 20 years of repressed anger and inability to identify my emotions. i had the third one that finally helped me a lot with the grief and also anger towards other childhood stuff but this one he just couldn't handle that situation. he tried to do some kind of metaphysical "this means something else thing" about the situation. i finally found a good bioenergetics practitioner that accepted that it happened to me and allowed me to kick, scream, hit and to get in contact with the rage. its a lot better now. still working on it though. now on to the topic, did i mention the absolute bat shit horrifying and delusional paranoid social anxiety i got from this situation. thinking even my male friends would hurt me or even rape me or betray me in some weird fashion. everyone became a threat basically. its still not ok yet, but maybe someday it will. think it has been 5 years now and just now i almost feel like socializing again. think its gonna be a couple of more years before this clears hopefully. dating women? ya good luck on that one. maybe 5 more years. bonus content if you read it all, the first socialized healthcare garbage therapist i went to said when i also mentioned to him my abandonment issues from childhood that men like that usually beat their women. this sounds extremely suspicious to me so i laughed internally on that one and just realized i needed to find another one. i guess the warning signs also came when i told him i had repressed anger and he responded with, so do you abuse others? My country has been on the forefront for feminist brainwashing so i couldn't say i was surprised though, first time i looked him in the eyes i actually thought he looked like a person that would say stuff like that, hard to explain. I guess he was on to something though but not for the reason he thought and no if you are wondering i diid naaaat hiiit heeeer. cause i hit other stuff instead. kzbin.info/www/bejne/bKnHfIebpraWptE also to leave you with some kinda of moral of the story, if you get something for free(even therapy), it is usually not worth it. at least in my country carry on soldiers

[@Soulwildxlovex]

This is a really important one for me. Thank you so so much for sharing this

[@russcurtis1]

Glad it was helpful!

[@MissJoy16]

Good job as always! I love seeing a new video of yours in my alerts!

[@russcurtis1]

Thank you!

[@meh3731]

'you're not alone' does NOTHING to make it feel better.

[@Soulwildxlovex]

honestly in a way it makes me feel worse, like why are so many people betrayed why can we all relate so much to this pain it is not fair

[@lauradingle6186]

I found out that (one month after relocating to my bf’s city) that he had an intimate friendship with a stripper for four months, which he visited at work, had a secret obsession over a girl he was friends with, that he had sex with sex workers for five year’s, while we dated he had sex with a stripper and his go to prostitute. All in shady areas of the city. Literally I look at EVERY SINGLE WOMAN WALKING DOWN THE STREET. Did he pay her, does he prefer people like her, when he had ED did he get a aroused for that and not me. Is that the only way for him to get roused? Do all men have sex with prostitutes? Does no one have morals? Is that a man who likes prostitutes? Did bf purchase women sex trafficked? Is he or anyone that disgusting? Who are my coworkers that are all men? Do you their wives know that this is EVERYWHERE? Should I tell them? Should I tell anyone? Will people see me as an idiot? Do I need to work harder to prove I’m not like him? Or that I don’t associate with people like him? What if they are just like him though? What is going on in the back rooms of strip clubs? What does a dance mean, it’s usually just a stripper dancing there for extra $ but does it actually mean something else? When I ask who is lying?

[@debbiesday8270]

Unfortunately I know how you feel. I hope you find love with a real mentally healthy man and find peace in your life.

[@deno9607]

From my mother, brother, aunts, uncles, grandmother, best friends, and partners, on top of that bullying in school. I have my own home, kids, and partner of 11 years. I feel more comfortable being alone. Why would I want to leave my comfort zone? 🙁 Social anxiety does get worse over time, I've noticed. But my experiences, even as an adult, have validated my fears, unfortunately .

[@stephaniebirmingham1419]

Yes. I got to the point I wouldn’t my go to the county where he cheated. I still can’t 9 years later. Around his work friends. And my life became a 15 miles radius to avoid triggers and people.

[@markh4926]

My wife of 22 years left me for another guy. She didn't tell me she was leaving, she just disappeared one morning. After that I was still able to talk to women at our AA meetings but could not move myself to getting involved with a girl. I tried to tell them but unless it's happened to you, they won't and can't understand. I tried having coffee with a woman last month but it turned into a disaster as I was so nervous about rejection I could not focus.

[@justintimesYT]

No one knows except me, my ex wife and my family. The hardest part is knowing that she covered her tracks and lied so well to her friends and family and spun it as being my fault and that there was no affair and i was just a mean unloving person that she left. So now she has a whole army of "victims" on her side gaining sympathy for her and bashing me based off her massive lie.

[@michaelhudson8173]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine how all of that reinjured your already damaged heart. I live inside my head on a loop everyday. I can't even talk to anyone because I just don't have the strength to relive the trauma. It's all I can do to get up everyday. I'm praying for you and your continued healing

[@heatherwade2373]

There are many forms of betrayal.

[@RaxhealUrbalejo]

Is there any correlation with exacerbated ADHD symptoms( especially those who are unmedicated) after betrayal? Perhaps a video you can touch on.

[@dwd080376]

It's more then just about not knowing. It's about being an outsider in your own marriage because he has started and maintained an entire life without you and more then likely the people in that life have openly accepted the "other person" as his legitimate other half . And that affair partner becomes entitled as if they are the wife. Smearing you gives him the excuse to enjoy his second life without judgement from the public friend neighbors or family because he had them convinced you are the toxic person. So when you try to go into the world together it is as if you are the new person or stranger that none wants around. He makes sure that in public he is not seen as liking you at all. It's basically he making you the side chick and doesnt want to get caught in public with you. But your not the side in the fun way, it's In the can't get caught liking my wife way. Cos that's not cool. So then you stop going place with him because why go where your not wanted. And then he free to pursue his day life and come back to you at night. It's a nightmare. If you can leave you should. And yes the worst part is it's all for his enjoyment and for fun and to alievate bordom. So all these women have to be traumatized because otherwise he gets bored and rebels against the vows he volunteered to take because he requires his freedom but has absolutely no concern for yours. He will damage as many women as he can just so he can get what he wants. Sorry I kinda got on a role . Lol.. but I learned something writing this comment. Appreciate it.