S1E9: Alpacas Can't Jump

It's Episode NINE of Jam Mechanics. We learn about Matt's casual relationship with the 5-second rule and Bug forgets to come up with a prompt (don't worry, his wife bails him out!)
Jam Mechanics is a podcast hosted by Matt (The Narcissist Cookbook) and Bug (Bug Hunter) where we challenge each other to write a song demo from scratch every episode.
If you'd like downloadable files for this episode (and the demos we showed off), ⁠⁠you can go to our
Bandcamp: jammechanics.bandcamp.com/⁠⁠⁠
website: www.jammechanics.com/
to pay-what-you-want to support us!
Our Music:⁠⁠
The Narcissist Cookbook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: open.spotify.com/artist/39XOE...
Bug Hunter⁠⁠: open.spotify.com/artist/3icuK...
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Bug: [e-mail]
Matt: [e-mail]
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-- SPOILERS FOR THIS EPISODE BELOW --
-----------------
BUG'S SONG
Matt's Challenge: TV Theme song
Title: Kick and Spin
Lyrics:
Do you ever feel like a lil guy?
like you have no control but somehow you’re still synchronized
cuz life keeps spinnin’, spinnin’
and you keep kickin’, kickin’
mostly due to the metal rod thats going through your torso thats attached to three other dudes
It’s Foosball!
It don’t matter if you win
all we do is kick and spin
but mostly kick (but mostly spin)
Try to pass to the goalie and you score on yourself
try to pass up the field, oh no you scored on yourself
then you finally score a goal but it ricochets off and you score on yourself
It’s Foosball!
It don’t matter if you win
all we do is kick and spin
but mostly kick (but mostly spin)
Oh hey, didn’t see you there
you’re probably wondering how I got here
strapped to these three other dudes
trapped in a perpetual game of soccer against
different colored but functionally identical opponents
Spinning clockwise into infinity forever… well…
A witch trapped my soul in here, I used to be a lawyer, tell my wife I love her
It’s foosball!
where nobody has a name
where it's just a silly game
where we kick and spin all day
It’s Foosball!
It don’t matter if you win
all we do is kick and spin
but mostly kick (but mostly spin)
Kick and Spin was taped in front of a studio audience of weird faceless mannequins
starring Kickolas Cage and John Kraspinski
----------
MATT'S SONG
(Lady)Bug's Challenge: The Alpaca Can't see over the fence (and also, the alpaca can't jump)
Title: The Alpaca Song
Lyrics:
the alpaca can't see over the fence
the alpaca can't see over the fence
the alpaca can't see but he can hear all of his friends
the alpaca can't see over the fence
he could go over it
ALPACAS CAN'T JUMP
go under it
ALPACAS CAN'T DIG
go through it
ALPACAS AREN'T GHOSTS
go round it
UNFORTUNATELY THE FENCE IS
SURROUNDING THE ALPACA ON ALL SIDES
he could open the gate
THE GATE IS LOCKED
he could unlock the gate
HE DOESN'T HAVE A KEY
he could pick the lock
PICK IT WITH WHAT
a stalk of hay
THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION,
ALPACAS CAN'T PICK LOCKS THEY DON'T HAVE THUMBS
he could eat the fence
WAIT THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA
try to eat the fence
HE'S EATING THE FENCE!
oh wow it's working!
OH NO IT'S NOT
why what happened
NOTHING IN PARTICULAR IT'S JUST THAT THERE IS A LOT OF FENCE
he could burn the fence
I said he could burn the fence
YEAH I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME
WHY DO YOU THINK HE'S LOCKED IN HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE
chorus
he could fake his death
OKAY
scream for help
OKAY
and when his friends come
MHM
they'll see him lying on the floor
ALRIGHT
he'll be covered in blood
WHERE'D HE GET THE BLOOD
the blood is from the farmer
OH MY GOD
and then when the gate is open
BURN THE FARM DOWN
it's working, it's working
they're coming to help him
the blood is convincing
they're opening the gate
they're sensed his trickery
but it's too late
the alpaca is free
the alpaca is freee
he tries to start a fire
but the farmer's not dead!
they're fighting, they're fighting!
he calls to his friends
the ones he betrayed
they won't save him
he only has once chance
he strikes a match
he tosses it
into the hay
the alpaca has gotten his revenge

[@sydsky8815]

The "why do you think he's locked in here in the first place" made me laugh out loud in my quiet office building. Thank you for this gem lol

[@rynski6944]

The Alpaca song is the unofficial sequel to Llama's with hats that we all needed

[@jonnyspade]

The Sitcom dad on the Foosball table would defiantly be William Shatner

[@DeepBlueInk]

I rarely comment before finishing the episode, but at 3:50 Matt drops the fucking wildest "probably" I think I've ever heard in my life

[@DeepBlueInk]

Jesus christ I dropped the comment too soon

[@TheNarcissistCookbook]

Yeah i've got a bit of that jonathan ross fuckery going on sometimes

[@jamesonfromm2903]

The Alpaca song gives me life

[@jocool1908]

The alpaca can't see over the rising cloud of smoke.

[@valeriepickard3765]

Absolutely beautiful, I live for the growing obvious concern in the narrator’s voice regarding this alpaca lolol

[@kolos0139]

I think the alpaca song might be the most batshit insane one we got so far.

[@kayleighmims9073]

Kick and Spin Theme (Bug’s song) 14:26 The Alpaca Song (Matt’s song) 23:11

[@tinyq555]

0:48

[@cptnbara]

You’re a real champ

[@calebdelisle4039]

Bug unintentionally wrote the theme song to the movie underdog from 2013 and it's amazing 🤣🤣

[@JamMechanics]

Did they steal my idea and go back in time to make a movie??

[@calebdelisle4039]

@@JamMechanics yeah they must have had some bagels to spare!

[@aidansherry17]

Absolutely magical once again

[@fork3810]

Alpaca is my new hero Who’s a better problem solver: Big Bear and Small Bear or The Alpaca?

[@TheNarcissistCookbook]

we need a big budget Big Bear & Small Bear vs The Alpaca movie

[@Faxaxe]

23:29 gives me blowing in the wind energy

[@edze2427]

I'd really love the intro song by itself if there's anywhere i can find that i've checked the bandcamp and couldn't find it there

[@JamMechanics]

We just have that 30 second clip so far! But we’ve heard that people like it!

[@kolos0139]

​@@JamMechanicsImagine lying to your audince so brazenly.... Literally unbelievable... SMH my head.

[@ltroop343]

engagement!

[@JamMechanics]

Reply!