S2 E27: Public Defenders, Church Shutdown & Queen Elizabeth: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

Season 2, Episode 27, September 13th, 2015. John Oliver discusses why public defenders are overworked and underpaid, shuts down his church, and covers Queen Elizabeth becoming the longest-ruling monarch in Britain's history.
Connect with Last Week Tonight online...
Subscribe to the Last Week Tonight KZbin channel for more almost news as it almost happens: / lastweektonight
Find Last Week Tonight on Facebook like your mom would: lastweektonight
Follow us on Twitter for news about jokes and jokes about news: lastweektonight
Visit our official site for all that other stuff at once: www.hbo.com/lastweektonight

[@joink25]

28:42 "We are shuttering up Our Lady of...wow..." Excellent ad-lib.

[@domilontano]

I had to get a court-appointed lawyer once. Not only did he relentlessly urge me to plead guilty to an erroneous charge, it turns out he was only a law student on an internship working FOR THE PROSECUTOR. I obviously fired him, but despite that being wildly illegal, my new lawyer said that was standard practice in that precinct.

[@ciel1083]

Damn, my only time going to court. I must have gotten lucky because my lawyer gave me some options of what to do/say and said it was up to me how we proceed. He was also a law student on an internship with another lawyer overseeing him, and he was actually pretty good, and so was the experienced female lawyer who was there to help him. I basically got two lawyers for free.

[@jnielsen90]

You're lucky, usually when you fire a law student on an internship like that they are just replaced with another law student on an internship, and repeat, and repeat, etc.

[@jnielsen90]

You're lucky, usually when you fire a law student on an internship like that they are just replaced with another law student on an internship, and repeat, and repeat, etc.

[@stoodmuffinpersonal3144]

Well. That's horrifying.

[@CobaltxBoom]

“Rub this for the seed you seek” - member of the church.

[@morganbartlett8233]

I just wanna know what happened to that, John seems like someone who would keep the crazy stuff people send just for fun

[@kareningram6093]

I really hope he still has it 🤣

[@JaneKaplun-js4lp]

I wonder how he explains it to his kids.

[@anthonyperez7428]

In case you're wondering, that one judge who tried to fight a lawyer was eventually removed. His name was John C. Murphy.

[@meghancalahan4798]

I was wondering!! Thank you for your service 🫡

[@angeljustis7890]

He has apparently returned to the courtroom in 2023 handling civil cases (KZbin video by a journalist, Andrew Ford, from "Florida Today"). Amazing how such a violent and injudicious man is allowed to return to his previous job as a judge, most other people would lose their job permanently.

[@TheRealEvilkitten3]

@@angeljustis7890 i'm pretty sure that video is from 2014, when he returned from a four week break (not sure of the exact dates or numbers, just to be clear, nor have i seen the video, but i couldn't find any other source for john murphy being in court after being removed, so i think that video was just like a reupload or something; pretty sure he's still gone)

[@KrakenIsland64]

So much content I haven't seen in the full episodes. That last bit was hilarious and I never saw it before! Thank you lwt team!

[@c2757]

London Weekend Television team? What have they to do with it?

[@johnathonlangley5699]

Man that actor who played the cop with the line “of course it was Florida…” fuckin nailed it. What a compelling performance for a 5 second joke bit. 😅

[@kaninnen]

It looks like Dennis Quaid.

[@johnathonlangley5699]

@@kaninnen I think you’re right! I’m lookin him up on IMDb and I think the only films I’ve seen of his are DragonHeart and Yours Mine & Ours. I’m sure that’s a very accurate sample of his work. :P

[@reinaashley2593]

it's actually Robert John Burke! he played bart bass (chuck's dad) in gossip girl. dennis quaid was also one of the actors, though, he was inside a hotel? and robert's character was outside in an alley

[@TheUltimateYouTuberyay]

@@johnathonlangley5699 He was also on SVU for a time. Det. Lupo was in there too.

[@Dogpool]

@@reinaashley2593that was one of the guys. The dude they talked about was in fact Dennis quade. From best movie ever enemy mine

[@Belial-jg8rp]

That's why bonds need to be illegal. A bond is a punishment without due process, which is unconstitutional. I spent 3 months in jail for being innocent. Lost everything, job, apartment ect. All because I didn't have 6 grand. It was all caught on tape and the da refused the charges. Everything got dismissed but my life was ruined.

[@TheRealEvilkitten3]

that's super fucked up and should not have happened to you, or to anyone. i'm so sorry. i hope one day those bastards are forced to pay you back for everything they took from you.

[@mfohawk6779]

I know the frustration. Currently, I'm in a position of having been arrested for some crazy made-up BS from a person a couple houses down from me. The deputies took their side/story verbatim, never asked me a single thing...and were determining what they were going to charge me with before even "investigating" the claims. In jail I was refused my epilepsy medicine and had 100+ seizures. Upon bond being posted, I immediately requested...and was given...all body-camera footage, dashcam footage, the 911 call that was placed, transcripts of communication between dispatch and the responding deputies, medical records that acknowledge my condition and being given a medication that is known to make it worse, the deputies post-incident notes (which are full of false information.... perjury). The sheriff requested a "behind closed doors" meeting with me...was forced to turn my phone off and place it on the table...then offered to "make it all go away". If I agreed to it, I was instructed to "tell the DA tomorrow about our deal and to have him contact me for the details". Given I have proof of all of this, I'm carefully planning how to put his nuts in a vise and crank it the hell down.

[@disliked1390]

you live in a clown country

[@nhoj30]

This was 4 months ago. Are you still alive or did the police get to you? 😢​@@mfohawk6779

[@LunaryxDiarmait]

Those descriptions of Queen Elizabeth's hats was both hilarious and oddly spot on.

[@quintuscrinis]

The fact that a TV comic was considered a weird front runner just a decade ago is such a nostalgia trip.

[@barthollevoet4018]

tbf as early as 2009 a tv comic founded a political party that is now in power. In Italy, granted, but still. And let's not forget the Gipper.

[@JediMobius]

Right? So quaint.

[@nilianstroy]

Ukrainian President, that even played a fictional comedic president in a comedy tv show...

[@nl5828]

6:55 - “those are some low standards” (talking about the guatemalan presidential election. 2024 u.s. presidential election: “hold my beer!”

[@SignificantNumberOfBeavers]

It shouldn't be this expensive to be poor

[@kats873]

The Michigan sex scandal would not have been exposed had the two reps not fired the staffer recording Courser. 😂😂😂

[@LessTh3nThree]

Using old law and order alum for the cop/court skits makes me so happy

[@barthollevoet4018]

Also nice to hear a different sample from the one we all know has already been sampled to death.

[@ethor7676]

This one was absolutely EXCELLENT. A classic. Well, they kinda all are. But you know what I mean.

[@jbshiva865]

And the worst part is that everything that John talked about in the early seasons is still relevant.

[@marcfielding2460]

Anyone else noticed Sam the Eagle looks like Jon with his glasses off?

[@AAjootian]

He's so chipper and fresh, look at him all bushy-eyed and bright tailed

[@kt9166]

And all the money went to Doctors Without Borders. Thank you, Last Week Tonight, and Praise Be!🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[@ErutaniaRose]

Public defenders are for people who can’t afford lawyers. Doesn’t make them guilty, makes them poor.

[@weareallbornmad410]

Yeah, I was a little shocked that apparently in USA "it's easy to assume that if you use a public defender you're probably guilty." That's not even in the REALM OF POSSIBILITY of what I might assume. Just how much contempt do Americans have for impoverished people?

[@Robdeltonie]

How did the Church of Scientology NOT go after John Oliver for that last joke?

[@unknowngamer37415]

Probably because they have lawyers and the Church of Scientology really really doesn't want any of their members anywhere near court.

[@Enterprise1701J]

HBO lawyers yeah 😅

[@Mjbjr666]

MOSTLY IN DOLLAR BILLS!!! 🤣🤣🤣

[@TLor188]

My grandma would absolutely love this carving.

[@sevenprovinces]

I am sorry, but the world should only recognize one true erotic fiction author, and that is Dylan Moran! "His gaze was stern, unyielding; like an Easter Island head stuck in traffic."

[@216marketing9]

Heartbreaking. Just makes me cry.

[@alexissweet5890]

I know where Guatemala is now because of these jokes

[@alnigro5285]

That's why they're called charges, it's all about the money.

[@Ariurotl]

"Of course it was Florida!"

[@MrJacobrabbit]

We need Public Defenders

[@stoodmuffinpersonal3144]

Judges getting into fist fights? Man. System us broken. 😂

[@AG-ld6rv]

Can anyone from the UK answer these questions: (1) What is with there being a monarchy? Do they have any powers, and do they take any funds from the country? (2) Do most people want to dissolve the monarchy? If not, how come? If so, what are the blockers toward that goal?

[@Kartissa]

(1) The monarch does theoretically have powers - notably the power to refuse a Prime Minister and close Parliament. However, if the monarch exercises any such power, it will almost certainly be taken away by the next parliament. As for funds, there is the Sovereign Grant - a set proportion of the Crown Estate's profit - which is funded by taxpayers, and is used for expenses associated with the duties of the Royal Family . Members of the Royal Family also have private income sources, such as investment portfolios and land rental. (2) Support for the monarchy is currently at a historic low, with around 45% believing it should be abolished, or that it isn't important. The main things blocking the abolition of the monarchy seem to be loss of international prestige and income from tourism. (Also the fact that slightly more than half of the UK population still supports the institution.)

[@AG-ld6rv]

@@Kartissa Interesting, thanks. I would have thought 90+% of people would want the whole thing abolished if they take tax money and have theoretical (and seemingly major) power. It seems so antithetical to a plain old democracy or even an institution that has similar powers but gains membership into it through some kind of demonstration of skill or through some kind of election.

[@Kartissa]

@@AG-ld6rv The taxation isn't really that big an issue. The Sovereign Grant is currently around £86.3 million, which is equivalent to just £1.29 ($1.65 at current exchange rates) per person in the UK. And as I noted, it's meant for expenses of the official household, maintenance of Royal Palaces, and cost of travel to carry out royal engagements. In exchange, the monarch surrenders the revenue from the Crown Estate to the Exchequer, which for the 10 years leading up to 2023 was £3 billion, to be used for public spending. Currently, no member of the Royal Family receives an allowance from the government.

[@AG-ld6rv]

@@Kartissa Hmm. So you're saying the arrangement results in the royal family paying more in extra fees than they take from taxes? That's not as bad. And I can see holding on to royalty as being "cool" and a generator of tourism as you pointed out. Ultimately for me, however, I'm against classes in societies. Not as extremist as a communist, but having an official royalty system goes beyond my tastes for sure. I just view it as an implicit argument that one person is better or to be treated better than another without merit backing up that judgment. I'm a bit odd though. E.g. when I see a famous person, I have zero desire to run up to them -- not because it could irritate them but because I view them as a stranger the same as any other. There would need to be a circumstance that would have me running up to a random stranger for me to run up to a celebrity i.e. I wouldn't run up to them simply due to knowing they are known in society. Now, if I ever got to know someone famous organically, I'd maybe talk about stuff I know about them just the same as I'd talk to a random person about stuff I come to find out about them. But running up to them to force an interaction? It simply makes no sense to me.

[@lloydevans2900]

@@AG-ld6rv Just so you know, the bit about the UK monarchy generating income from tourism isn't really a valid reason against abolishing it. It's not as if tourists come specifically to see the Queen / King / any other member of the royal family: They rarely ever venture out in public, so any given tourist (or any member of the British public for that matter) has a vanishingly small chance of seeing any of them in person. You would have far more chance of seeing them on TV news or on youtube videos, and you don't have to come to the UK for that. The vast majority of the tourist-derived income is generated by the various palaces, castles, parks and mansions owned and managed by the crown estate, and the royal family itself is not necessary for that. For example, France used to have a monarchy, but doesn't any more. But the buildings which were previously owned by the French royal family (such as the palace of Versailles) are still rather popular tourist attractions. Back to the UK, a venerable and ancient castle can still be a tourist attraction even if nobody lives in it - such as the Tower of London.

[@marvelgirlxvii]

I remember when I thought that was his real wife

[@oliviasepelak3083]

Hahahahaha same 😂😂

[@maisonneuve]

That judge?!?! What on earth?????

[@fwfulton]

Wow, Only the Second Season and they pulled show much Talent for their skits.

[@SailorSocko]

Lol that judge got WHOOPED

[@tracynonumbers]

anyone remember "Little Britain" ? ...suddenly my clothes fell off completely...

[@TheseOfWe0112]

Justice is fiscally solvent. It’s a cost center, paid by tax meant to protect economic interests, not help people. Class distinction is biggest part of that. A large pool of poor keeps middle class thankful to work hard and fills military ranks.

[@corybaldwin1168]

Electing a TV comedian has worked out OK for Ukraine all things considered.

[@bwilly4503]

Wow, sniveling at Ukrain for fighting for their freedom! (Trumper!) Lol!

[@Dr_Kyutoko]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got charged 128$ for my public defender, despite the fact I was unemployed.

[@schontell7988]

They told me 70 years in prison or plea bargain for 30 days in the county jail agreement plan innocent man got 58 months

[@tapedeccard]

Whatever happened to that big woody?

[@advanceringnewholder]

Iimmediately google "did john oliver still have the wooden penis". I'm also curious. Google doesn't seems to have an answer

[@MysteryMii]

It’s probably sitting somewhere in storage.

[@tapedeccard]

@@MysteryMii I like to think it’s in some trophy room with that potato that looks like Mickey Mouse, those three frog statues, and a wardrobe full of mascot outfits that only were ever used once.

[@billadams8218]

John Oliver, Russell Brand, David Attenborogh, and Ozzy: th 4 Horsemen who i LOVE to hear narrate th Apocalypse. Generals gathering their masses...geriatric 'leaders' can kiss our asses. 😊

[@racehen]

@@billadams8218 Russell brand ?

[@DrewSavo]

6:15 Given the recent updates on Bruce’s condition this is one of those funny but it makes you sad bits now.

[@jamesbmcauley]

Don't try to inspire me to learn where Guatemala is John, just shame me for not knowing. Jeez.

[@TheChapelx]

I love that Oliver's fans keep that same gremlin energy for helping him that they do for being unleashed on things like the FCC

[@jazzylulu22]

RIP Larry Thompson

[@kennyfresquez7019]

Honestly, that sounds EXACTLY like Florida, which is fucking depressing.

[@joannejohnson7006]

You are fabulous 😂

He was later removed from the bench

[@MichaelFamily-z3j]

When you have public officials able to behave in this way then it's clear there needs to be federal oversight of all public offices. There needs to be law applicable across the whole of the US. It doesn't matter if the belief that everyone is born equal if the law deals with them differently based on the state they are tried in.

[@sweepkick]

John Oliver is a national treasure.

[@Heathcoatman]

How does that judge still have a job? Too many of these judges think they make the laws instead of enforce them.

[@JaneKaplun-js4lp]

Look up “case law”. Yes, judges can make law.

[@jaxkthereaper6569]

The Bruce Willis line is a little.... Well let's just say I'm glad this is an old video.

[@DragonbIaze052]

Developing dementia in the last few years doesn't erase the two decades before where he supported Bush, wanted cops to get more money, supported zionism, and suggested we launch a military invasion of Colombia to get rid of the drugs.

[@Onigirli]

A little what?

[@DragonbIaze052]

@@Onigirli He developed aphasia and had to be given his lines through an earpiece, leading to his retirement from acting for medical reasons. It was later disclosed that this was an early symptom of him developing frontotemporal dementia, and his family disclosed that his condition has worsened in the time since he left the public eye.

[@barthollevoet4018]

@@DragonbIaze052 Who better to embody the adage "In space, no one can hear you scream" then?

[@Onigirli]

Who is that judge who delivered the beat-down? Is he still operating since this episode aired? Because that was genuinely upsetting to me and one of the rare times I could not see Mr Oliver's humor in it

[@stellaisonline]

i looked it up. his name is John C. Murphy and he was fired about 3 months after this episode aired

[@gundamzaku214]

Ironically Bruce Willis is on his own space now.

[@emuPoco-F3]

Pull out works 😂

[@cloudbrooks]

omg fresno mention !! love to see my county mentioned. maybe what its being mentioned for isnt the proudest thing, but still!

[@ITreasureMe]

John Oliver's irreverence is epic and hilarious!

[@AG-ld6rv]

Speaking of Bruce Willis, there is a bizarre end to his movie career. Apparently while he developed his sad case of dementia, he pumped out something like ten low grade action movies. In some, he even has an earpiece not part of the movie showing, and it's believed they were telling him the lines to speak out due to his memory problems. It's rather bizarre. Last I checked, there is no official statement about the why. You can suspect a good or bad motive. Good would be him wanting to do some acting for fun or him wanting to help his family out with extra money. Bad would be more like his family basically pushing him into movies for their own financial gain, taking advantage of his condition and not letting a sick man rest.

[@beepbeeplettuce5890]

He's said himself that he wanted to have as much money as possible for his family before he's unable to act anymore

[@AG-ld6rv]

@@beepbeeplettuce5890 Fair enough. However, we'll never know for sure, because we don't know how impressionable he is due to his dementia. Unless he said it during a more cogent time or just at the start of it.

[@crimewizard]

i looked it up and the specific type of dementia (Frontotemporal dementia) he has is more characterised by degeneration of language & comprehension abilities as well as behavioural changes, less so with memory. so his problems with saying lines arent due to not being able to remember them, more to do with losing the ability to form words all together

[@mathewgriffiths1870]

Oddly enough the thing that’s aged most badly is the Gerard Depardieu gag

[@JimmyUndead-V7]

Debt is not okay. Society teaches us that debt is normal. The awful truth is they do this on purpose. They want you to live in debt because you are easier to control that way. Debt destroys domestication and makes to wealthy richer. Then they get ten times out of you in hard labor.

[@MitchellTF]

Good news. Atticus finch GOT BETTER. No, seriously. Harper LEe's father started supporting the civil rights movement between the time the prelude was written, and the creation of "To Kill A Mockingbird."

[@code-red8696]

It was either spend 2 years in jail or plead guilty go on probation & pay the fines for self defense attacked at my own home but because I used a weapon I was the aggressor lord help this country

[@paulmcfadden9498]

John, you can't 'go' Sam the Eagle. You both look related.

[@NobodyHasToAgreeAllTheTime]

4:49 bro pulled a Drake

[@ryanroznowski2263]

crazy that if u demand jury trial most courts will beg u to take a plea since court cannot handle even getting that many juries or trial would be 4 years away😊

[@brandonminkos6518]

No seed for me thanks 😮

[@hullutsuhna]

9:05 "total contempt" well duh, she was literally the face of Britain, so of course her default expression should reflect the contempt the British feel for everyone around them & especially themselves.

[@jezpin3638]

He LOOKS like Sam the eagle

[@markolson9913]

18:04, I dont get the joke. Can anybody explain?

[@anthony7311]

When Harper Lee, the author of the classic book To Kill A Mockingbird was close to the end of her life she released another book called Go Set a Watchman that followed the same characters from TKAM, but in her “sequel” Atticus Finch is an old racist. The book was controversial, but it was also written before To Kill A Mockingbird and was basically an early draft, so many don’t consider it to be an official sequel.

[@markolson9913]

@anthony7311 thank you so much! I really like Atticus Finch, so I was concerned that I missed something!

[@TiexinGuo]

Is that the HR from CalTech?

[@rmalonephoto]

OK, so on the fuckability of Muppets, John: 1. Yeah, Fozzie for sure. That one is an absolute lock. 2. Animal. I'm a bit kinky, not too much, but I feel that he could open some new doors for me. 3. Gonzo, because YOLO. Is YOLO still a thing? 4. Can we include Sesame Street Muppets, or is that too creepy? It feels too creepy. 5. Can we include Fraggle Rock Muppets? That also feels too creepy, though for a wildly different reason. That show was fucking weird. 6. Miss Piggy. Definitely not relationship material, but for a night of fun, she's probably a riot. 7. Statler and Waldorf. Both, at the same time. I'm not remotely gay despite my first three choices, but come on, John. Can you imagine the commentary? "I came here for a threesome, and all I got was front row seats to a Limp Bizkit concert! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!" [There are several Muppets I would add in before these last two] 8. Beaker. I love Beaker, but he would develop emotional attachment that I'm not looking for. 9. Kermit. Just...no. I get it. You're green. I'm not. At my age, I'm definitely overripened, and I just don't think we can bridge that experience gap. I don't have the emotional energy to devote to help you getting over it. This is a thing you will need to work on by yourself. On your own time. No, I'm not mad at you, Kermit. You should probably reconsider your relationship with Piggy, as she's wildly manipulative when it comes to you. Also, I'm meeting her at Statler's later tonight.

[@soanedewinter1474]

9:30 just described his own job

[@davidjairala69]

That video of the judge and public defender going outside to brawl happened on my 20th birthday im case anyone's wondering :)

[@Onigirli]

Look man we already publicly apologized for forgetting when your birthday was. It won't happen again

[@maltanno]

How many comedians have played the president of a country and gone on to be president?

[@EchanteDante]

I hope the new music still has a good amount of that hard dancey hip hop inspired music. They said different though.

[@garethmckee5927]

The land of the free….. apparently??

[@azbz9075]

The land of the fees.

[@IdislikeTechnology]

Awh man that president part is foreboading 🥲

[@H0ll0WxW0lF]

Spoon fed what's guacamole?

[@tt-ki2dw]

Bruce Willis can fix ANYTHING

[@Inquisitivecuriosity]

And everybody wonders why the sheriff did what the sheriff did to that judge, and everybody's got questions, not me

[@jomamacallinyou]

Ahhhh yes:). Our lady of perpetual deductions.

[@Kauffy901]

I'm starting to see a pattern-- Guatemala, Ukraine... can we get Bernie Sanders a sitcom where he plays a regular guy who becomes President?

[@kreiner1]

I said not too long ago I would vote for a rock over trump. How young and innocent we were back then.

[@xSKOOBSx]

Seems "marginally less awful" is a hope shared by everyone in the world when they go to the voting booth. It's very gross, I really wish I could cast a vote for someone I actually want to vote for.

[@scottlanghorst1483]

Wanna get schooled? Guatemala is a Banana Republic? 🍌 🤔🤭

[@kateuhler7803]

Obvs, America criminalizes poorness. So sad.

[@gamerultralv9290]

lmao yeah only Guatemalans have that "not as bad as the last guy" vote, totally not us Americans pchhst never

[@JimmyUndead-V7]

2084: INFORMATION IS WEAKNESS VIOLENCE IS AUTHORITY ENGINEERING IS SLAVERY Credit to “1984” by George Orwell

[@nikandthepartz]

Apparently rat boy is a thing now so I think you’re good

[@AlexDogwalker1234]

Why should we send Bruce Willis into space, what did he do?

[@JohnTLyon]

Welcome to Florida, hope you brought you're wallet! Ron DeSantis at his best!

[@birbluv9595]

The Guatemalan candidate who played the president on a comedy show was later echoed by Zelenskyy in Ukraine

[@doggytheanarchist7876]

It's funny to hear what was considered low standards back then. And by funny I mean sad.

[@munkustrap1984]

Did not even chuckle.

[@sapphirexwind]

The queen, I thought these were new…

[@kenmckinnon7256]

It's probably already been 'no contest' plea is basically an admission of guilt. So this guy had to pay his fees et al ... and it should not be a burden to the people. Obviously if he was under council, 7 minutes would be plenty of time to advise nolo contendre to avoid any CIVIL judgement based on a guilty plea in the CRIMINAL case. There is a part of this story missing...the culpability is not on the public defender.

[@kylebyard3083]

We only ask that the next president not be as bad as the last one...that's kind of how we got Biden in office isn't it? 6:48

[@thegameshowgeek]

11:36 I don’t have any. 🌽

[@joeschejbal2646]

"Neither corrupt nor a thief" could be Bidens slogan this year..smh eeesh

[@weareallbornmad410]

Genuine question - why do we even care about sex 'scandals'? As long as it's consensual who cheats on who is a private affair. I don't even understand the adult film star craze around Trump. There are so many other things he did that actually matter. WTF?

[@mechengr1731]

It's not that the scandals happened, it's that they lied about it and covered it up.

[@raquel1sabat]

Aaaah