Narcissist as Eternal Child

Everything You Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: www.narcissisti...
The narcissist is a partial adult. He seeks to avoid adulthood. Infantilisation -- the discrepancy between one's advanced chronological age and one's retarded behaviour, cognition, and emotional development -- is the narcissist's preferred art form. Some narcissists even use a childish tone of voice occasionally and adopt a toddler's body language. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissisti...)

[@samvaknin]

Narcissism is a defense against all forms of helplessness. But narcissistic defenses or traits are not enough: to qualify as a narcissist one has to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

[@sumanmishra123]

You clarity of thought is absolutely stellar. It has helped me tremendously. Thank you so much.

[@jbsang54]

I get the impression that by trying to maintain the 'child-like' status, they fear losing all the adulation they have built up by the parents. When the parents die, he is thrown into a world of self confusion with no constant source of being totally 'spoiled' so to speak... Wow...

[@nathansmith6365]

This is another reason Christianity and narcissism are closely related.

[@generalkoffi]

Thank you for sharing your insights with us, Dr Vaknin. Why only 300 people will watch this for free, but millions will mortgage their futures to hear it in a lecture theatre, is beyond me.

[@StarChildFunk]

I have been raised by a narcistic father and have parts of this personality disorder as well. I speak in a childish voice and have childish bodylanguage when I meet new people, flirt whit men or am insecure. Thought I am diagnosed highly intelligent, I am constantly told I am naive and not as matured as I should be.I can do nothing against it, and I now know where it comes from. When you seem to be a child, people are more likely to trust you because they think youre harmless, too .

[@ghoto_777]

Diagnosed intelligent

[@yvonce7309]

I have witness this child like act from 2 ex-boyfriends. It's very unnerving and creepy. I'm getting very educated about these personality disorders so l can protect myself now and in the future. You go through a lot of pain dealing with these Narcs. No longer am I allowing Narcs to set me up to be abuse. This video has open my eyes. Thank you for your hard work. Forever Narc Free!!!

[@nathansmith6365]

I've witnessed from my 70 our biological dad...like how can someone that age through a frikken tantrum....little bab

[@VanessasDailyJournal]

My mother's complaints of me are all from when I was a child. I lived with her well into adulthood because I got chronically sick. And she avoided me, was never concerned about me, and was indifferent to my needs, even in front of others, who would correct her. Yet, ask her what she holds against me, every example is from my childhood. She holds against me that in preschool I used to tell everyone that my hair was made out of gold, because my grandma told me this. I didn't know what gold was. At my psychiatrist's office my dad brought up how my mom always retells this story of how I threw a tantrum at the store when I was three, (I was five, but my dad said three), and pulled my mom's hair, and after all of the times my mom has told this story, it has never occurred to me to apologize. Are you kidding me? My mom always likes to share stories to embarrass me, so I always laughed it off. I was five. It is so weird how much she held against me as a child. She even holds against me that I wanted my teacher's approval, and tells about how upset I was in the fourth grade when I thought that my teacher didn't like me.

[@yakuzajoe]

Thank you so much for exposing the narc's false piety as an extension of their infantalization. Explains so much

[@Langolin1998]

My 80 year old mother sticks her fingers in her ears and starts making the, lalala singsong when she doesn’t want her hear what you have to say. You can’t explain your feelings to her or have real conversations about something that upset you, without her having a childlike tantrum. She’s also uses God as her excuse for her behaviors, meaning, we’re supposed to always forgive her like “God forgives us.”

[@marktwainlover]

Wow. It would be funny if it weren't so absurd.

[@Langolin1998]

@@marktwainlover right?

[@lothar3610]

Perhaps it’s dementia not narcissism.

[@Langolin1998]

@@lothar3610no. Not dementia. She’s been this way my entire life. Very entitled… Acting like you’re a typical Karen in public places, demanding to be seated right away, has always been very demeaning, manipulative, she was physically abusive, growing up like Joan Crawford, and mommy, dearest. She used to rip our clothes out of our drawer in the middle of the night and throw them in the middle of our floor, then yank us out of our beds and 6:13 demand we clean it up. She always started trauma in our churches and schools, and had lots of parents, church members, you name it, upset constantly. She was a big, rumor starter, she’s a pathological, liar, a Gaslighter, she’s vengeful. She threw temper, tantrums and rages. My father had her put into a Counseling center once while we were growing up, but she refused to get any help for herself. My father is a Retired position and has said many times that she was not only highly narcissistic, but had other mental issues as well. Sadly, my sister developed a lot of her same behaviors and characteristics. I’ve had to go no contact with my sister and minimal contact with my mother. Very toxic people.

[@stevegreen9460]

very well explained. its quit alarming thow as so many people seem to have these personality traits.

[@tedstriker6646]

The narcissist will indeed play a child sometimes, when confronted. He will pretend not to understand why you are angry or try to present it as a bit of a joke, made by a playful, childish person. You wouldn't get angry at a child, would you? My narc father occasionally went into this childish act when caught in his manipulation, thus blocking discussion. As far as he's concerned he's just an ignorant, well-meaning child that has unwittingly struck a nerve with you, and YOU need to start acting like a grown-up and accept that no real harm was intended. It was his clown act. It is funny to think how he could switch between his personalities, in a very short space of time: the concerned parent, the clown, the wounded child, the menacing authoritarian spewing insults and threats. I could sense his manipulation from a mile away, and it always came in waves: if the 'this is the reasonable thing to do' approach didn't work, he would switch to 'I will be in so much pain if you refused my demand' mode, to 'you will do it, or you are a terrible, useless person who will regret it' mode.

[@AMarie_USA]

Ted Striker omg, spot on. this manipulative bs reverting to some child-like self that they do...so true. then the jeckyle and hyde switch to vengeful a-hole...yes, also.

[@jessicasaylor26]

Yes spot on!!!! I hate when he speaks like a child! And he's 40 yrs old!😳

[@RabiWielkiePracie]

must agree with people here spot on! Sorry you also had to go trough this shit everyone

[@pauladsilva9374]

The sad part was I showed him so much love and attention... but i was not enough... i knew that very early on....that is the only reason he kept coming back to me after all 9 discards... he had told me ... no one has ever loved me like you do ..... he loved how I loved him....I know he could see that... he only was with me ..because I loved HIM. and he was right... I loved him very much 😢

[@pauladsilva9374]

@@lreevesnyc21 Thank you. That was over 2 years ago...I love to see these pop up...it's a great reminder of my mind set back then and how far I have come....I'm not the same person that I was 5 years ago.... I'm a brand new super duper person 😊😘

[@samanthajames2032]

Mine used to say no one has ever loved me like you do and no one has ever put up with the shit I give you

[@asharajbhar1176]

​@@pauladsilva9374how's you doing now..do you still remember him??

[@remyragnarson7891]

their children become narcissists by emulation or end up act childish well beyond the appropriate age since they missed out on manifesting their true selves during their teenage years bc/ they were an extension to the parent and had to mirror them at all times.. narcissists clone narcissists per Sam, makes perfect sense

[@kamileishon]

I recognize myself in your description. It is a defensemecanism. Cause I feel it stems from a fear of responsability. If you act like a grown-up you actually have to start taking responsability for your actions. And people aren't going to be all nice anymore. You have to face everything on your own. No one to help or save the situation. But I think its a healthy process to go through. And Im going to try to stop hiding behind my innocent mask. Be true to myself. my emotions and to the world.

[@arakaran9667]

very true, my mother who has this condition in fact, she is in her 70's and dresses with same clothes, never changes, in jeans with Hello Kitty t-shirt, provokes sensually...she behaves and talks of subjects that relates to teenagers... .

[@channa1955]

AraKara`n I have a friend like that,she's 62 now .

[@arakaran9667]

Sam, a genius in the subject.

[@samvaknin]

Brilliant blog. Wholeheartedly recommended. Posted it to all my groups.

[@jaimeewood9323]

Sam Vaknin what blog do you speak of please ?

[@herwigcoryn6197]

Extremely intelligent. Thanks

[@pauladsilva9374]

I thought the child like part of him was endearing... because that was the sweet person that I fell in love with.... he talked like a baby and was so sweet .... that was his fake facade... his friends got to see that... we all loved that person..... unfortunately the real self was an angry toddler... he would stand up and pace n stomp his feet yelling... nonsensical non related stuff... it frightened me... the change was creepy 😢

[@pauladsilva9374]

@@lreevesnyc21 Yes I am free😊

[@VictoriaMeeker]

Wow same I loved the child like part was when he was sweet and nice and then the abuse and lies and manipulation and rage and me not understanding and the past hurt he did and the demands and strangulation and me not listening and crying .. I could be myself with the baby voice and even copied it back that’s what was hard .. yet wanted me to his stuff in his house cause I slept there but I didn’t live there. Yet expected higher. I even had lost some jobs due to his abuse and mentally couldn’t function or sad.. plus healthcare is different when working with that but then he started being late and calling out and wasn’t perfect either it was werid everything they expect of you they aren’t themselves pictures himself always good and knew stuff and good at everything .. showing off but yet taking peoples pain or my pain and using it for his own.. it’s insane 🥺 they can only be sweet and sincere with the childlike part of them. When they mess up when you tell them. Or the bring it back to you like candy like here I’m sweet here, here is your prize .. like that so odd to us it’s like oh okay but over time when the abuse and stuff kicks in and they keep re painting it they wonder why we get cold but yet they get cold because they know we don’t love what they do and they don’t love what they can’t use anymore 😭

[@pauladsilva9374]

He is a 60 year old man who talked like a baby... I found it very endearing in the beginning when it matched his sweet behaviors...then the angry toddler showed up and never left.

[@channa1955]

Yea my narcissist talks like that and he put his hands over his ears when you say something he doesn't want to hear and goes " lalalalala".

[@samanthajames2032]

Yes mine spoke in a baby voice and I did it back . He also put his hands on his ears when he didn't want to hear what I had to say when I caught him doing something

[@tarawollak8784]

Wow...this was so profound!

[@xt4sdad]

I think that like a child, they also live in a world of fear. They must worry a lot that everything could come unraveled- I actually have the opposite problem, the it'll take care of itself, procrastination personality. I think both types can end up trapping themselves in a way.

[@samvaknin]

Magical thinking samvak.tripod.master.com/texis/master/search/?q=%22magical+thinking%22

[@misschievous5071]

Please do some videos on healing my teenagers. Children healing of watching their mother being abused and her losing herself.

[@mmolokko]

You should upload a video titled Narcissist's and Sexual Development

[@456inthemix]

I remember once the guy had some cocky gone bad and he was crying linke a little boy on the phone. I didn't know was bit surprised. And he is 1.93 m. I am younger and 1.56 m. Today he has turned to a monster without limitation and self respect. So sad. He seemed to have changed alot not the Person he used to be. Bad company brings worst of you. Good person brings good qualities so called "basic goodness" of human.

[@adeel-eh7xq]

That explains Paris Hilton's baby voice...

[@apove1814]

She’s an empath tho. Her parents were narcissists and she keeps blindly finding herself in abusive relationships. Her baby voice is to escape the abuse she went through.

[@CJ-bn6gf]

I frequently used to ask my narcissistic husband "how old are you..4?" When I finally left he was 69 going on 6. I have a question..why in 30 years of marriage, did he never ONCE call me by my name?

[@arri9062]

Cindy Yeomans Blagg did he call you sweetheart? The one I had never called me by my name eithet

[@CJ-bn6gf]

@@arri9062 He called me "my sweet". If he needed to alert me he called out "are you there?" Or, he whistled me like I was a dog.

[@lexakentucky7423]

Same here. Never called me by my name. Why is that? Probably because a toddler would rather call you "Mummy", as they see you in the parental role? Or in reverse, calling your name means too much intimacy, too much commitment, which they fear as hell. This reminds me on the fairy tale Rumpelstiltskin: the very moment you call him by his name, he explodes in a tantrum and is gone. "The queen will never win the game, for Rumpelstiltskin is my name."

[@vdm568]

Same here.

[@obi1holyoliver798]

The narcissist friend that I had was 19 going on 5 years old

[@ellaluvs21suarez32]

I feel do bad its like theyr hurt children who lacked love.they are evil tho

[@liambrowne7842]

A lot of this also sounds like dependent personality disorder, how can you distinguish?

[@samvaknin]

The Inverted Narcissist - Codependence and Relationships with Abusive Narcissists samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html Codependence and the Dependent Personality Disorder samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders22.html The Dependent Patient - A Case Study samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders56.html

[@liambrowne7842]

Sam Vaknin I am afraid I have befriended a narcissist. At first the person dazzled me with both intellectual ability and combined with streetwise cunning, a sort of master of both worlds. The person has the 'reptilian manner' and describes their feats in robotic terms. This person also often accomplishes things seemingly unprepared and acts surprised at their achievement. combined with biting harsh sense of humour directed at the old, the weak, the poor..and enthusiastic support of traditional conservative figures but also those who excel by cheating the system and most of all, those who gain success through material gain and through solo effort.I did not see it in your video but this person is also a high energy comic and showman when it comes to romancing women, but the morning after he has his way, he escapes at light speed, suddenly feeling trapped and weighed down by (invisble to me) demands of this girl or woman, who are often sweethearts.They fit the wunderkind picture in some ways, but to me this person prides themself on all mature achievements and heaps scorn on teenage years and on most 'idealism' and ideals, seeing these as fraudulent. The person is chillingly observant in reading the character of others in a diagnostic way but to my eyes gets things wrong in terms of emotions, emotional motivations, and any drive or goal that is broader than brute needs.This person is immaculate in appearance, rigorously tidy and often describes other people and themselves in ways that are more reminiscent of objects. This person also seems to misread social cues, either thinking that people are cowardly for not enjoying his off-colour remarks, or basking in the sense that people are wowed by his daring in breaking social taboos, but generally seems to misread people's reactions to remarks that treat women as meat, other ethnicities as parasites and the poor as cancerous.

[@eetchit6034]

Sara Boci lol that was a highly articulate outburst compared to ms smartypants..hey? you like being Italian? i love it, this guy sounds like triumph the insult comic dog , look him up Ciao bella

[@saraTirona]

***** hahahahaahahahhaa

[@zmdlekeza]

This is spot on!

[@86kinky86]

Sam, one question - HOW DO I RECOVER??

[@apove1814]

Emdr and polyvagal theory. Look up healing from trauma - dr Bessel van der kolk is excellent , dr Peter Levine , dr Porges . I can’t believe the change all self taught from KZbin . Professional Counseling did nothing.

[@TanyaSmith-kh2gu]

​@@apove1814thank you for this

[@VictoriaMeeker]

I felt childlike and was able to kind of he that around them but I found myself getting annoyed sometimes but it weird because you want that in someone I guess some stuff but not the abuse that comes with it and sneaking and lying and cheating and manipulation and abuse and rage and yeah

[@VictoriaMeeker]

Mine was like childlike, father like, bestfriend like, admiration, abusive, manipulated into doing his thing, talk to me like a kid.. then I copied some kid traits. Demanded yet pee all over the toilet seat and not lift it up, yet if I set my clothes in the floor because we had vacuumed it already from a flee bomb in the house, he got upset.. did clothes yet to leave me to fold them wasn’t even in my own house at his parents house culture pkays a role .. he was insecure yet with me by his side very grandiose and fine .. copied some of me I guess over time copied other body builders display admiration through another country or show off .. it’s hard cause I copied some of his mannerisms but not a whole person .. do they grow out of it. Why was I doing it temporarily back to him.. he got a new truck cause someone else did took away there moments but said I was take away moment by crying about something he did previously only to find his mom upset about a family matter and had to refrain from bringing it up and then it turned into she didn’t say hi and he wasn’t brining enough money home .. then turned into a bigger fight because I was trying to talk and turned into a different topic then me choked up against the wall from crying and yelling because the drama in there own house .. it’s insane. Yet I still care and miss him after the abuse and lies and trying to cheat and wife in another country and manipulation and all the above.. threats just wow .. 🥺

[@jaijay9343]

I know of one narc. I believe she was spoiled as a child as she showed all the parent dependent qualities with classical characteristic of a covert type of narc, middle age and married with two children. Her younger sister was so spoiled that she became pregnant at the age of 14 since she felt she could/allowed to do anything. However, she herself did not become a narc like her elder sister.

[@chante707]

Correct ✅

[@currentresadentresident529]

Michael Jackson's behaver !!

[@ellaluvs21suarez32]

CurrentResadent Resident I don't think he was a Narcissist.was he? he was just not aloud to have a childhood.so sad.

[@gerardmartin594]

@@ellaluvs21suarez32 he was very obviously a narcissist

[@obi1holyoliver798]

They tell so many lies they can be a good movie writer

[@mitchw.2544]

It some times seem as though America has gone down this type of a path for 40 years, and maybe thats why so many Americans now abandon established political parties for parties offering greater dependance or independence.

[@StarChildFunk]

But honestly, beeing traped in this childish image sucks. People are nicer, but theyre thinking youre less intelligent, less smart , too , and men think they can talk you into having sex whit you because you wont recognice that thats all they want. And people try to wind u up because they think you dont get it, and they dont think you can reach the goals u want because they dont take u seriously. It sucks. But this turns out as something I cant get rid off, because it is selfdefense in a way.