Kit Connor, Heartstopper, and the DANGERS OF BISEXUAL ERASURE

[@luizaviktualia]

I understand the desire for real-life LGBTQ+ representation for major roles in media, but apparently that now means only openly out actors get to play queer characters? People really are missing the point of what “queerbaiting” is, and this situation is infuriating. Can’t wait to see your video!

[@anitanielsen1061]

And also like. What the fuck happened to the complaining about how fanfic spaces seem to only be “straight women writing Da Gayz” This is that but irl! 😤

[@elisenieuwe4649]

People seem to miss the point about what acting is as well ;)

[@jsam-bv6jb]

Thank you! When my daughter came out to me she was 15 she said she was uncomfortable putting a label on herself. I told her she didn't have to label herself to make others happy. To those being pushy and pompass You shouldn't be forced into declaring yourself to anyone, don't you think you owe everyone else the same respect.

[@carmina-solis]

Saw someone explain it like this: it is illegal to ask at any job what someone’s sexual orientation is. Acting is also a job.

[@keeptaiwanfree]

exactly. i hate it whenever people hate on an actor who plays a lgbtq+ character and say “oh yay, another straight person playing a gay role!” like-did they personally tell you they’re straight? did they come out as straight?

[@icymarty173]

Claiming that *real people* are queerbaiting is so insane. The whole concept of it hinges on the assumption that people are cishet until they state otherwise, which is so damaging.

[@SAVYWRITESBOOKS]

i agree!!!

[@AnEmu404]

Absolutely, it’s a sickening reflection of what certain toxic internet cultures have done to people. It’s upsetting that people don’t understand how harmful that outlook is, and how it feeds in to putting people in boxes and pressuring people to put their private matters on show. It’s a mentality that, predictably, harms vulnerable people (often real queer people) the most.

[@wumbothewombat1280]

I really appreciated your comment about the people saying Heartstopper is bad representation because there wasn’t any sex, drugs, drinking, etc. I’m asexual, and oftentimes others in the queer community treat us like we don’t belong, or we’re just immature, etc. etc. Seeing so many other queer folks saying that representation *must* be sexual to be good queer rep just makes me feel like I’m somehow failing at being queer. People like me are “bad representation.” Plus, like you said-THEY’RE KIDS. EDIT: If you see any acephobia in the replies, just scroll past it friends. Don’t feed the bridge trolls.

[@PGOuma]

Oh what a breath of fresh air. I'm gonna have to actually check it out then. I've been avoiding the show because I thought that it would have that stuff in it. So many shows already focus so heavy on that that it's a breath of fresh air that it doesn't. I'm AroAce but still find women and AFAB nonbinary people attractive in other ways

[@wumbothewombat1280]

@@PGOuma Yeah, Alice Oseman herself is aroace so her books always have great rep in that arena! I highly HIGHLY recommend “Loveless;” it’s a story about an aroace main character coming to terms with her orientation. I’m not aro but I am ace, and it made me feel so seen and accepted.

[@anitanielsen1061]

Oseman also has a book (though it’s a fat fucking 400-something pager) about the college protag eventually finding out she’s aroace while her roommate is pushing her to be with guys-and the same roomie is having a Rivals-to-Lovers homoromantic subplot with Protag’s girl bestie. It’s quite fun, actually

[@wumbothewombat1280]

@@anitanielsen1061 Loveless! I’ve read that one and it’s one of my favorite books.

[@universal_stupidity]

@@anitanielsen1061 i really need to read loveless! I'm aroace and it's discussed so much especially in aro spaces but I haven't found the motivation to read it yet

[@limeshrimp8312]

I feel like in the mainstream media, bi or pansexual people are only ever consider to be in real relationships, if they are in a queer one. As a pansexual person myself, who has found her soulmate in a cis man, this is just heartbreaking. People really miss the point of bi and pan. And even more heartbreaking, it often times comes from within the lgbtq community itself

[@nicnacsnonsense]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Also as a fellow queer person, I think it is totally valid and allowed for you to consider any relationship you're in a queer relationship if you want to. You being queer is almost certainly going to have an impact on the nature and shape of your relationship no matter who you're partner is, and that makes it queer regardless unless you say otherwise.

[@guacamojo]

I can relate. bi fem-leaning person in a relationship with a cis dude here lol. i may be in a pretty hetero relationship, but that doesn't invalidate my personal queerness. I'm still my own person outside of my relationship.

[@Stopfollowingmeplz8]

Right?!

[@carmina-solis]

Ohhhh man do I feel this.

[@LunaciaBooks]

I'm also a pan person in a straight passing long-term relationship. How many times do we have to feel we're not "q*eer enough".

[@Sopherra]

Not only is it bi-erasure, there's also an assumption of the other person's gender when people say, "you're dating a girl, you're not bi."

[@SAVYWRITESBOOKS]

yeah!! people are judging others on appearance & viewing straight as the default. it goes against what the lgbtq movement is supposed to stand for

[@akabaneolivia9550]

This is an excellent comment xoxo. Glad I found this channel!

[@hhoges9895]

I’m 30 and I STILL am not sure what my sexuality is. How dare these people be so entitled to demand this from others

[@lyra2282]

I’m infuriated and heartbroken over this. These people hounded a young kid into a forced and undoubtedly traumatic outing and potentially derailed his career. It’s sickening. I look forward to your take.

[@angelaholmes8888]

Yeah it infuriates me learning that kit was being harrassed into coming out

[@bethswiftie]

I completely agree, he's almost definitely going to have trauma from this for the rest of his life. He's going to be targeted by paparazzi because he's a big story right now. And even if he ends up having a bf later on, it's never going to be enough for those types of ppl.

[@SAVYWRITESBOOKS]

I'M SO ANGRY! i can't believe people tried to justify harassing this child

[@xenon8117]

Until a week ago I thought the UK and America to a lesser extent was doing ok for tolerance but learning about this situation over the last few days has just made that plummet another few notches. I was getting hopeful with the world and the world has disappointed again. I wish Kit luck that this doesn’t impact him too negatively both in his career and mentally. I’m 23 and have still been considering my sexuality. I’ve been settled that I’m Asexual for 5 years now but this year I’ve gone from Aromantic/Biromanctic to Aro/Homoromantic. I still don’t know and I’m much older, he might still be figuring things out and did not want to come out publicly. If he figured out he’s actually straight or gay… in a few years then people might come back to this and say “But he said this and this in 2022!” His character got the chance to figure things out, come out when he was ready and have supportive people but for the real people involved no that’s not allowed.

[@LisaBryk]

I identify as pansexual and am married to a man. I have lost track of the number of times people have tried arguing with me that I must really be straight because I’m married to a man, or that I have been told that it doesn’t matter or count since I’m married to a man. It’s completely ridiculous. Sexual orientation is about who you’re attracted to, not who you’re currently with. And anyones self label is not open to other people’s opinions. It’s whatever they say it is.

[@loverrlee]

THIS 💯💯💯 You don’t know me or my partner. You don’t get to tell me who I am. I tell you who I am. Full stop.

[@loner844]

bisexuality isn’t conditional. I wish people understood that.

[@SAVYWRITESBOOKS]

exactly!

[@Robert-vf6ny]

If someone is obviously lying, then they are open to criticism.

[@nicnevin6385]

Bisexual erasure is one of the reasons I am not a part of the LGBTQ+ community. I came out to my gay friend when we were in our late teens, and he just looked at me and said "You're not bi. You're just greedy." It was like a slap in the face. I now identify as pansexual and I generally keep it to myself, because its no one's business but my own. I can't imagine being forced to share my sexuality to the public because people are questioning the validity of what I've written. No one should be forced to come out if they don't want to. Its incredibly invasive.

[@salyx]

Heartstopper is ADORABLE and I loved every second of it. Kit Connor is a really great actor and seems like a sweet kid. I hate that people bullied him into coming out. That’s not activism.

[@NissaMaezHartman]

I also want to say- Savy, I was new to the concept of bi erasure until the video you did on it. I always thought I had privilege because I considered myself bi passing .As a cis person in a happy heterosexual marriage with kids, I present as straight. I never realized it was the long ingrained self imposed fear of being openly out and vulnerable to all those criticisms and judgements again. I'm a late Gen Xer and we didn't have social media, I didn't have friends unafraid to come out. When I became an adult, & I finally started dating women, people ( especially lesbians) insisted I was gay. Men only saw it as 'hot' and fetishized about 3somes and shit. "Pick a side!" It made me feel stupid and question my own sexuality even though I knew exactly who I was. I didn't tell my own partner ( now husband) until a few months of dating. Thanks for opening my eyes to bi erasure, Savy!

[@human_plant]

Straight passing privelege is just the "privelege" of being in the closet.

[@Happytravellerkimmy]

I had gay friends in the 90s who swore up and down that bisexuals didn't actually exist and made fun of people coming out as such. It makes me sad that bi erasure was even coming from certain parts of the gay community at that time.

[@human_plant]

@@Happytravellerkimmy that is current day in the Bible Belt 😭😭😭

[@human_plant]

@@RaineInChaos i'm so back and forth on this because yes, people who don't pass as straight are definitely more likely to be targets of open queerphobia. However, being surrounded by queerphobes who could turn on you the second they realize you're not straight is not really a consolation prize. Also, it's a privelege to be able to come out. I see people from more affluent areas and demographics that are able to be out and proud. But living in the deep south, people have to stay in the closet forever to keep their jobs, family, safety. I know a LOT of people in the closet and people who have died from the emotional toll of trying to conceal their queerness. I mean think of chiron from moonlight. Did he pass as straight? Yeah, but he could never be his true self to anyone in his whole life except that one guy. To say that is a privelege... I don't see it. Seems more like a coping mechanism, or a necessity for survival. I think most people can learn to pass. But they shouldn't have to. It's soul crushing. Working in daycare, i see it happen to kids who defy gender rolls all the time. The uniqueness is slowly crushed out of them after repeated negative experiences. They learn to pass to survive. But it's not because of something intrinsic, it's born of trauma. Passing is a survival skill. Whereas white privelege, male privelege, abled privelege, even pretty privelege are more intrinsic fixed states. I think I'm honestly more priveleged now that i'm out than when I was "passing." I think my closeted friends have it way worse.

[@SAVYWRITESBOOKS]

thank you so much for sharing your epxerience! i'm sorry you had to go through that as well. it can be so tough when people try to treat being closeted as "privilege" when really it's discrimination -- and situations like this show that.

[@stevedorecharley2849]

I am so glad you made this video. I hate the way Kit Connor has been treated. It’s bullying, and it’s completely wrong.

[@angelaholmes8888]

Yeah kit was bullied plain and simple

[@SAVYWRITESBOOKS]

i was so sad to see this young man being bullied. he's still a teenager

[@loverrlee]

As a bi woman, who has definitely experienced bi erasure, thank you for fighting for us. Nobody should be bullied out of the closet.

[@lilaboxx]

I really like that heartstopper isn't so sexualised because in so many teen dramas Sex is such a big thing and that's just not my experience so this show feels a lot more realistic to me. I would just like to point out if people want to support openly queer authors or actors that's fine but don't tear down people who are telling good stories because they don't fit into the right box. As long as people aren't pretending they know better than people who had the actual experience we're good. I think it might be a little weird if a straight man plays a very stereotypically gay man who comes across un-authentically (kinda like people didn't like James Corden in the prom and would have preferred the actor who originated the role in the musical)

[@loverrlee]

Yeah it’s almost like you can’t tell someone’s sexuality by the way they act, ya know? It’s kinda like sexuality is it’s own thing that shouldn’t be stereotyped.

[@angelsartandgaming]

I really hate that stigma of "you can't write LGBTQ stories unless you've experienced it or are gay" And I don't want to have to come out as bi even though everyone and their grandmas in my socials know that. I came out on my own terms. I want to write a romantic comedy one day that involves a gay couple. It's about a couple trying to propose and both decide they want to go on a road trip to do so, but everything goes both wrong and right in the most hilariously extreme ways (think kind of Milo Murphy's Law or Phineas and Ferb extreme). It goes from one of the character's mom calling at every inappropriate time because she's that whole worry wart mom to the car just getting destroyed by a landmark falling over. Very Disney Channel show-esk. It's not sexualized, it's goofy, and while I'm still working on the characters themselves, I'm already just liking the brainstorming process. But man I'm not looking forward to people just being like "you're not gay, why are you writing this?" 1. I'm bi. 2. Because it's funny!

[@angelsartandgaming]

@@whoviandax8053 That is fair enough.

[@NissaMaezHartman]

I would personally add - 3. To make bigoted idiots lose their minds!

[@angelsartandgaming]

@@NissaMaezHartman hah! I love that!! Especially since I'm not gonna add too many hints of bigotry. Maxwell's mom is TOO happy for her son! "oh my baby is so happy lol at his boyfriend he's the sweetest only the best for my baby boy now could you be a dear and go get the groceries today Mama has a headache!" And it just embarrasses him. She's based a little off of my mom. Completely accepting, but embarrassing as hell! Haha! Meanwhile Karter's dad is accepting but he doesn't understand gay people either. He's kind of the "how do you do fellow gays!" type. He's doing his best, he really is.

[@spaghetto9836]

Pls I want to read this, I love the premise 😭.

[@Christine-bu2cc]

@@whoviandax8053 Then, like Savvy said, judge the work based on the quality of the actual work, not on the author. If the story itself is bad representation, call that out!

[@nikkorin]

I didn't think of the term asexual until I was 22, and I only started identifying recently. It's so wild people expect you to tell them who you are or aren't having sex with, at any age, but even more teens who probably don't even know yet. I had a friend who realized she was both nb and bi at like 24

[@tracyhue23]

My son discovered he’s AR/AS last year. Unlike his sister who has had crushes and significant others…he never has. He really doesn’t care if he dates and does “typical” teenage things. I had to tell him sorry for his grandparents who will no doubt hound him about who he is dating or crushing on….and eventually for kids🤦🏽‍♀️

[@alexoceanmeow]

I feel bad for Kit Conner. I want to go with my gut feeling that his harassment was mostly because he is bi, portraying a bi character, and him holding hands with a girl is that forever betrayal that bi people commit: being bisexual. It sucks but I truly believe it's biphobia in maybe its shittiest form. "You count as bi if you're being gay," and then get called gay irl where as he'll probably get straightified if he starts dating a girl. (I said this exact comment on another post but it's just exactly how I feel about it) Really tho, people will cheer "LGBT!" But as soon as the B starts acting bisexually and not in the LG council's approved only-homosexual way that bi people are allowed to be bi. According to the ancient wizards of gaydom. Of course. As we all know, you know. Then, THEN, said bisexual who acted bisexually is now a living queerbait and we must cancel them. /s Can you tell I'm a salty bi? Lol

[@Christine-bu2cc]

In one of hey videos, Savvy talked about how, statistically, bi people will have more opposite gender people available to them to date, so it makes sense that a lot of bi people will be in opposite gender relationships... But that doesn't make their identity any less valid. I will try to find the link!

[@venusluv-i1v]

Monosexism. When monosexuality is set up as the top of a queer hierarchy over every other identity in the community. Their rights become more important. They get their own spaces (their own bars, shows, etc) while the others don't. They get to be the voice of the community, while bi people and trans people do not.

[@Hyzentley]

Yeah, totally my experience too. Its so terrifying and heartbreaking just how many gays and lesbians don't accept bi people anymore the moment they even just differ in the smallest most unimportant way from them (much less something big as daring to be atracted to the oh so icky other gender)

[@Metonymy1979]

My grandma came out as bisexual at 70. It was a very throw away line that made me spit out my orange juice. She laughed and walked away. And, that's how I found out she was bisexual.

[@novatalking]

I read a book a few months back where one of the main characters is a gay male and the other is bisexual. In the story, the bi guy is worried about coming out to his parents (specifically his dad) despite the fact that one of his sisters is openly a lesbian and I loved the story and how he talks about his fear and struggle with it, people STILL cannot seem to understand when real people are in the closet though. It astonishes me and I'm lost on it. As a cisgender woman, does this mean I cannot write male characters? It doesn't make sense and I hate it here.

[@twiggledowntown3564]

What's the name of the book by the way?

[@adrianghandtchi1562]

What’s really frightening is it’s usually seems like people from a privileged background tend to pressure people to come out of the closet. Just because you have a support system for isn’t mean others do. I never came out of the closet, I was pulled out of it because My dad found my emails with another man. He was so angry. My dear mother only asked if I was being safe which was really sweet. My dad eventually came around but still this was my choice to make, and it is Kits just the same.

[@PHlophe]

Adrian, could have ended badly. How the hell did he find out. you forgot to log off or sum. in certain cultures its social exclusion 100% guaranteed across the board. one of my friends , his dad saw a familiar stranger commenting under his pics. he put 2 and 2 together , backlash went pow pow pow. his parents heard 2 years prior that i identify as bi and i know they did thru the same village gossip circles . They think i turned him out . i walked past them a the local country fair , tried to hide behind the 2 big ass candy floss at first . They gave me the glare of DEATH ! .

[@Robiniela]

I can't believe some people would think that Heartstopper is a show that badly represents the queer community just because it doesn't portray sex, drugs and drinking. I think a lot of these behaviours, which people believe are closely connected to the queer experience, are actually just reactions to a traumatic queer experience. Obviously, this is just my opinion, but as a bisexual 22-year-old who grew up in a loving environment with amazing friends, I never had the urge to do any of these things. It was also never a factor in my figuring out my sexuality. These behaviours are also just marketed as if they are common experiences to have in your teenage years when that is absolutely not the case. Specifically, American shows push these behaviours and in the process might cause people to partake in behaviours they do not want to partake in, it is very damaging to say that this show is a bad representation when it is such a purely love-based show. It makes me so scared to think that many queer people believe they should be doing these things because a lot of the time it leads to dysfunctional behaviour and people get traumatised. For me, heartstopper is actually one of the only shows that have accurately portrayed my experience as a queer person and it will probably forever be one of my favourite shows.

[@magicalgirl4]

I highly relate. My highschool years in regards to crushes and sexuality and gender were extremely tame, so I feel a disconnect with shows that have their young queer characters having sex, doing drugs and drinking a ton. I sort of grew up in a sheltered environment where I didn't even realise kids were *doing* that stuff at my age.

[@bettyunicorn6132]

Same I feel so wrong for never even going to one of these parties.

[@saschabittner8155]

I'm older, and this situation has made me so upset. I'm not even queer, but like I feel just awful for Kit. The show also highlighted the fact that you don't have to come out until you're ready and that just because you look like the "straightest man ever", doesn't mean you are and "bisexual people exist". (both quotes IN the show) And even after Kit's tweet , people were like, "well, we have only seen him with a girl" but in the comics it is canon that Nick stays with Charlie for life, doesn't make him less bi. (And I'm not saying he is with his co-star, and I frankly don't care but even if he was, so frigging what?.). And he was PERFECT as Nick and I like his version a little more than the comics. That is what matters. He owes no one anything, least of fans.

[@angelaholmes8888]

I really feel sorry for kit he didn't deserve to be harrassed into coming out nobody does I'm so furious about this kit is just a teenager

[@andre_p]

And SO MANY people discover after years of stable relationships that they can also feel attraction for their own sex or the opposite, depending on with whom their relationship started. Discovering one’s sexuality can be a long journey. And yet some idiots insist that 18-year old Kit Connor MUST be gay or bi, otherwise he needn’t apply for the Nick Nelson role. LABELS MUST DIE !

[@PGOuma]

@@andre_p I personally found labels to be helpful for me. I know other people find it to be too restrictive and that's valid. For me it helps gets my thoughts together and helps me explain my experiences

[@andre_p]

@@RaineInChaos Very this. Your balanced and well-reasoned post is more helpful than my lapidary comment 😉.

[@andre_p]

@@PGOuma Labels can be useful tools in one’s journey of self-discovery, but they are to be used with discernment and only with regard to one’s own identity (as you state). 😘

[@zbcrazy]

Between being raised highly Catholic and being told anyone not straight was a predator destined for hell, being told “nobody wants an already chewed piece of gum and even if you didn’t want it then you need to pray God sends you a man who can look past that and marry you anyway”, never learning that sex was even allowed to be ENJOYABLE for women until I was in public school at 17, and not knowing asexuality even existed until I was 28….knowing I felt different from everyone else but not knowing why was TERRIFYING. Men are pretty, women are pretty, everyone is pretty, I feel like I might be able to fall in love with anyone but also never have done that either, but I kinda don’t wanna touch butts with anyone at all unless maybe I was REALLY comfortable with them. At 30, I’m still uncomfortably closeted to all but a couple close friends. The prevailing attitude towards asexuality right now is “that’s not real, you just haven’t met the right person yet” or “that’s not real, you’re just straight and want attention”, and I honestly don’t have it in me to deal with that kind of confrontation when I’m not quite okay with it myself yet. To imagine having the world demanding to know what I was today, let alone as a teenager, would be an absolute nightmare.

[@PGOuma]

I hate how in 2022 how misunderstood asexuality is. I'm on the ace spectrum myself. I noticed that even in queer spaces people misunderstand it or downplay our experiences and what we go through. I had to figure so much out by myself because others didn't wanna help. It was confusing to be AroAce while still finding women and AFAB nonbinary people attractive in other instances

[@petrichorbones]

yeah i was still 17 when i discovered asexuality on tumblr and was trying to figure myself out and i got so much hate and a few really awful anons that were very hateful so i deleted that tumblr and made a new one on which i avoided all talk of asexuality or lgbt+ issues in general for years. i didn't even consider myself lgbt+ even after i learned i was agender too. i still hesitate to include myself bc im so scared people will be offended and angry about it, and i know now im ALSO pan-demiromantic! like is that not enough for them!!! but bc i "look" straight and married a cis man it doesn't count probably which is why im not really "out" especially not IRL. just know for yourself that asexuality is literally one of the A's in lgbtqia and it is enough all by itself i have a hard time applying that to myself but it is true for everyone else including you. i guess it is for me too i just get so scared of saying it lol (edited a typo)

[@maryeckel9682]

I don't understand the "wanting attention" thing at all. It baffles me.

[@emdove]

I still remember, quite fondly, an incident on my graduation trip. We were partying in a group, and a girl we didn’t know was dancing with us. This conservative dude none of us liked joined us, and I don’t know how it came up but she stated that she’s asexual. He didn’t understand. So she asked if he’d want to sleep with a guy, and he was hella disgusted and defensive. Then she said „well neither do I. Nor women.“ And that’s just the best explanation I’ve ever come across - make people feel what you feel! Doesn’t necessarily work on pan or bi people, but still. And it obviously was an amazing experience for me, who was in an ace crisis at the time. Such a cool and confident person can’t be „just confused“, I thought.

[@Sina-aka-potatosupreme]

In the case of Harry Styles, maybe he identifies as gender fluid or non binary. We don’t know. Nobody should even speculate about that or put a label on him that they made up in their head. And even as a straight cis man going against gender typical clothing… I think it’s amazing. I just know him because of these public outcries by conservative voices, but I fully support this kind of non gender confirming clothing.

[@emmamoose-dragon1110]

Not to mention, Harry's clothes look amazing! I wish I had that sense of style! 😎

[@scarlettptheoriginal]

So much this!!!

[@MMMNemesis]

Even in this time and age, people still don't understand that clothing has no gender.

[@Grounded_Gravity]

I love seeing Savy selectively weaponizing grammatical correctness against biphobes. 😂 Thanks for calling out all this bi erasure, it's ridiculous and SO harmful.

[@NissaMaezHartman]

I watched that series Heartbreaker with my 16 yo daughter. We loved it! It was so wholesome! So many teen series are now so graphic and scary. This was a nice change. When I heard about this story, I was heartbroken ( pun sort of intended). No one should be forced to come out. Kit has every right to never reveal his sexuality ever. We all do. I am proud. My daughter is proud. I am so glad we live in an age when our community is so much more accepted. I think we all know ( even allies of LGBTQIA+) know how scary sharing such personal details when we fear reactions from family, friends and fans ( like Kit).

[@mahogara]

I feel some people don't really see the thin line between accusing someone of queerbaiting and pressuring them to come out. I don't think they even really understand what queerbaiting is abymore. Diversity and inclsivity is great but at the end of the day, it's acting. Actors' sexualities don't have to overlap with those of the characters they play. I mean look at Bernie from HIMYM! Despite how progressive the entertainment industry is getting now, it's still hard for openly out LGBTQ+ actors and actresses to get roles compared to their straight or closeted counterparts. I really can't stand this act of bullying people to come out. The people on internet think everywhere and everyone is sunshine and rainbows, and welcoming and accepting. There are so many reasons (some even dangerous) for why someone is closeted. I'm totally out on internet and to my friends but I would never come out to my family. As someone who took a long time to accept my bisexuality, because of the stigmas surroundings bisexuals in the community I grew up, I am so tired of bi-erasure and lack of positive representations. Even in the queer stories I read, it's always "Oh I turn gay/lesbian for you." Or "I think I am gay/lesbian now" Bish, no, you are bisexual or probably pan, you just maybe don't realise it till now. It's 2022, people need to start realising that because someone who only ever been with opposite sex, starts liking or dating the same sex doesn't mean that person turn lesbian or gay (Excluding the people who may have had to force themselves or pretend to be with opposite sex for reasons).

[@nicolewilliams6116]

I'm HAPPY there is FINALLY a show that doesn't have teenagers having sex and drinking and partying. Young people don't need to see that and have it normalized. In my opinion.

[@everforward5561]

I love when fandoms completely miss the point of the media they're a fan of.

[@TinyGhosty]

We do not owe our queerness to other people. Being queer is a personal identity and just because other people are not aware of it or "see it" does not make it any less real. It is disturbing that there are people who think the only way to be queer is by wearing it on your sleeve. There is nothing wrong with being loud and proud obviously, but expecting everyone to be that way about something that is very personal and still discriminated against is wrong and harmful.

[@yanapetrovska9065]

Yeah, I read a book about grooming and SA of the 16yo by her teacher this year. And author was pressured to confess that it was inspired by her own experience. It's horrible that such things happen. I always enjoy the art, but I try not to follow the personal lives of the artists

[@michaeldemarco1465]

Thank you so much for this video, Savvy. As a bisexual myself, I can attest that bisexual erasure is indeed quite dangerous and very painful.

[@sarahsizemore7509]

The idea that a person has to be “publicly out” is so disgusting. Even for those of us who are, it can come with a lot of baggage - and not always from the hetero community. On TikTok, I have “queer 🌈” in my bio because I identify as queer/bisexual. Even though I only have like somewhere around 200 followers, someone decided to go on an actual hate campaign against me and tell me that I was “using the queer label for clout”. They downloaded my videos of my fiancé (a bisexual man) and I celebrating our sexuality together at Pride and put text over it calling me a “straight girl who doesn’t know what real phobia is” and told me in their comments that I should shut up because at least I can hold my husbands hand when we walk in public, and they couldn’t. As someone who WAS jumped and physically attacked when I came out of the closet, the idea that I might not even be safe in my own community is truly terrifying.

[@lilpretzel5629]

Wtf ... this is scarry

[@TinyGhosty]

Another way that bisexual erasure is physically dangerous is that bi people are at an elevated risk of DV with partners. All bi people are more likely to experience DV and bi women are the highest group of them all. Every bi woman I have known has had dangerous interactions with men because of their sexuality. I have experienced DV and SA because of being both biromantic and ace.

[@MsSumoon]

I think the problem is also the shipping culture, and they wanted Kit to date Joe. Like, forcing real people to date each other. It is not something new, it's kind of sad because they don't own people anything, people shouldn't force actors to date each other just because they play characters that are dating each other. But another thing-in Hollywood there are still a lot of homophobia around and forcing someone to out themselves can make them to lose work. Do I think people should only play characters that have the same identity as them? NO. It's calling ACTING for a reason. Like we shouldn't force everybody to out themselves, I'm 30, and I don't even know if I'm 100% about my sexuality, but I don't own anyone that, neither celebrities. Kit is a kid, 18 is a kid. The sad part, most of those people who forced him are kids themselves and bullied someone just because they want their precious “ship“.

[@dhsf5937]

He is bi,so he will be fine. Hollywood doesn't care as long as part of you is "straight".

[@katharineeavan9705]

Nail on head there. Notice something about all the specifically male celebs who are accused of queerbaiting? They're all shipped with other guys in real life. I sincerely doubt Harry Stiles would be getting such hardcore criticism if there weren't scores of people who acted like his friendship with a bandmate was the exact same thing as a fictional pairing who they get to be mad about not getting together. The women it's generally just the double threat of misogyny and biphobia tbh. People HATE women, and people HATE bisexual people, and there's a special kind of hatred reserved for those of us who are both. Literally out and proud bi women who have had public relationships with other women are accused of faking it for attention, particularly male attention, when they are with those women, and then have their self-claimed sexuality completely erased when they aren't currently dating a woman.

[@iratakeuchi3031]

I mean... with Imogen, he was never even remotely interested in her and it was obvious from the jump so it would be kinda weird if he actually dated her. I think the fact that he did like a girl when he was younger does exactly what you said you wanted with Imogen. Idk. The fact he was honest with Imogen was actually something I really loved and him dating her would’ve been a cliché.

[@fuzzydays5699]

I wouldn’t have minded that Nick dated Imogen if he actually was interested in her. But it really seemed that even if he didn’t like Charlie, he still had no interest in Imogen.

[@PianoViolinGuitar]

I’ve seen way too many posts abt celebrities “queerbaiting” and I think it needs to be publicly addressed. Specifically with Shawn Mendes, Harry Styles, and Taylor Swift. Also as a bisexual who didn’t come out until she was 22 who had people speculated my sexuality, seeing people speculate abt other peoples’ sexualities and make a whole fandom out of it (i.e. “Gay”lor stans) makes me feel wildly uncomfortable and unsafe on social media

[@Tobelia]

So good to see this! I thought of your video about Becky Albertalli as soon as I saw Kit Connor’s tweet 😢 Can’t believe how much people have been touting this stupid idea that real people can queerbait about their own sexuality! It’s such a horrible way to view people. (Never mind the side issue of how it undermines any legitimate criticism of actual queerbaiting by showrunners etc.) Great to see you calling it out so strongly, you are absolutely the best on this ❤

[@Tobelia]

Oh and Becky’s perspective was incredible 🔥

[@CatsandDragons7]

It’s not even just being ready to come out, sometimes it’s not even realizing your own identity for a long time. I didn’t realize I wasn’t straight until my 20s.

[@Robert-vf6ny]

You didn't want to realize it.

[@danjlp9155]

The fact that Kit Conner is a teenager makes this whole thing so much ickier.

[@sunnyy_]

The word "queerbaiting" has been so deformed over the last few years that I think like people don't even use it correctly when applied to fiction anymore and it caused overall so much damage. I can't even describe how disgusting and ignorant it is trying to apply it to real people. These chronically online people need to go outside and talk to some queer people in real world and learn about different all the different experiences.

[@daughterofluthien]

I liked your point about kids often still being in the process of figuring out their sexuality. I’m a bi woman, but I didn’t even realize I was bi until I was like. 25. And now a few years later I’m still not out to more than just my closest friends-partially because my sexuality is no one’s business but my own. It’s amazing that this is still a hard concept for some people

[@twiggledowntown3564]

Becky's post was. Chef's kiss. I couldn't have said it better.

[@bigsiskrishere]

I just heard about this 30 minutes ago and I'm so upset and frustrated by this. I'm a bisexual and I accidentally outed myself before I was ready, and it's just...devastating. Especially because my one partner has been my ex husband. I get homophobia from my homophobic siblings and biphobic comments from well meaning others all the time. It can definitely feel like there is no happy place for bi people to just exist, esp if you're in a very small town like I am with no gay community. Heartstopper was actually the very first story where I saw my experience as a bisexual person reflected, and I'm just...I'm so angry and dissapointed that fans couldn't grasp the message being put out there and forced Kit to do this. All my love and support to Kit. He deserved to come out when he felt safe and ready to.

[@nickywal]

A good wholesome show that for once isn't all about queer trauma or fetishising queer relationships and they had to go and do this shit. Its not a surprise and bi erasure nearly always comes from within the community itself. No one should have to come out if they don't want to and especially forcing a teenager to come out. But hey surely they'll just move onto well queer men are just particularly masculine women now I'm not even surprised, I realised I was bi when I was 13, I didn't even have a word for it, I knew gay people existed had never been told you could like all genders. The amount of people who have said oh you're just a lesbian in denial, no if I only liked women I'd be proud and happy with that

[@novxmb.r9867]

Obviously nobody deserves this treatment, but KIt is literally the one person everyone should agree to be nice to. The most unproblematic, nice, sweet person. I'm so mad rn smh

[@klaire2235]

I would also like to add that a month or two ago he had liked my friends tweet which stated “ no one has ever had to work harder to beat straight allegations than kit connor” kit NEVER likes tweets. he specifically stated to all of twitter that he ISNT straight and people still kept digging at him. this whole situation is frustrating already, but the fact that he had to speak on this so many times is what really makes me believe we still have a lot of work to do as people who watch and appreciate lgbtq media

[@AphroditeLee]

"I'm mad AND disappointed!" LOL!!!

[@ering2467]

I recently read a book called “In the Event of Love”. I was reading some Goodreads reviews and one person’s review stated that she’s tired of straight people fetishizing lesbian sex scenes in books. One of the main characters is bisexual and the other was not clearly defined (at least I don’t remember). Someone else commented that the author identifies as queer. So It took me two seconds to find that the author is bisexual. And let me tell you that those 2.5 sex scenes in the book were the tamest I have ever read.

[@alexrose20]

Can't wait for this one. I've been really upset by this situation as well.

[@ThatRedhedd]

"Heartstopper" is amazing. So cute, so relateable, so well-done - LOVED it!

[@equinoxcrow]

This feels so much like toxic gatekeeping. Like no matter what he was he would have been accused of 'queer baiting'.

[@floppsymoppsy5969]

Sometimes it's sooo hard to Human. I guess the golden rule of treating others like you want to be treated goes deeper than just a childhood lesson for sharing your toys. Love one another yall

[@throwbackpoet8598]

I love that you addressed this. I still identify as straight so I can’t speak from that viewpoint, but Heartstopper brought me a sense of warmth and joy at a level rarely inspired by TV. I’ve watched it sooo many times. It makes me so happy. Seeing people harass a very young professional after he was willing to play such a vulnerable role, that was such a gift to others, is infuriating.

[@pagodrink]

I think one of the reasons this happened is cause a sort of purity culture intersecting both fandom and the queer community. It happened when discussing kink at pride and while I don't engage in a lot in online fandom much, I've heard second hand accounts about some Heartstopper fans: this notion that Heartstopper is better gay rep because it's not "fetishing" like other stories (specifically BL manga) which is a huge oversimplification and feels overly smug. While I agree that stories featuring Teens and young adults don't need to feature intimate scenes to express sexuality, the fact that sex comedy like American Pie exists makes me wonder why we are so focused on queer rep being so sanitized, why is media focused on Minorities not allowed to not be perfect? I think the reason this happened is cause the fans most concerned with perfect representation didn't want the series to have a problematic aspect, whatever that means. Either way, I'm disappointed Kit was forced to come out and I'm hope he's doing better not being on twitter.

[@uncrnsprklfrts5720]

I can't wait! My moots have been going off on Tweeeter about it, but I don't know most of what's happening. As a bisexual though I am very interested.

[@EmelynAbreu]

As a bisexual women, I just come out as bisexual when I was 30. People assumed I was straight because they never saw me public dating a women, wich I did, but we were both in the closet. I tried coming out to my gay friends when I was 21, but they told me it was just a phase and that I would date guys again, it made me run right back to the closet cause I didn't felt save and accepted. And of course I dated guys after my relationship with her ended, cause that's the point of bisexuality. I married a man, when never talked about it ever again, latter in life I told my ex husband that I'm bi, and he asked me to never talk about it because it would be an embarrassment to him. I just came out when we went our separate ways, couldn't hold it anymore and felt like I finally was ready for be me, for the first time. Seeing this happening to Kit was absolutely outrageous, he didn't have to label himself, or come out as anything just to please people. Being bisexual is hard, people never really accepts or understand, we're never straight enough to be part of that community or gay enough to be a part of LGBTQIA+ community, even tho there's a B there.

[@Sophie_Cleverly]

This is so relevant to me. I'm an author who is not straight and not able-bodied but I appear that way at a glance so it's hard for people to tell. I try to write disabled and LGBT characters but I'm always worried that someone will call me out on it. I also find I get left out of lists of disabled and LGBT authors because I don't make it really obvious to everyone. I really appreciate your words on this and your support for Heartstopper as well. I loved the series and really disliked the way a lot of people were talking about it as sanitised or queer baiting. To me it felt like the whole point was self discovery and queer joy, something that I would have loved to have seen as a kid (Skins was great but my life was not endless sex and drugs and parties lol). And I certainly didn't expect a bunch of teen actors to have to reveal their sexualities in order for me to accept it. I just accepted as a great, heartwarming show.

[@dsigg]

This video was perfect, thank you so much for addressing this. I feel horrible for Kit and anyone else who has had something like this happen to them. Bi-erasure is still massive, especially in the gay community which never fails to blow my mind. My boyfriend is bi and got so used to people either assuming he was gay for simply being with me or assumed that him being with me overwrote his bisexuality, that he just calls himself gay if anyone asks. And it breaks my heart because he doesn’t owe anyone an explanation. We need to come together even more as a community to push back against this so it stops. Kit was perfect as Nick, and even if he was straight, it shouldn’t matter because he did the role justice and clearly cared about playing a character that bi people could relate to. The day we start saying that only gay people can play gay characters, only bi people can play bi characters, only straight can play straight, we have forced ourselves back into these little boxes with labels on them and set ourselves back decades. It has to stop.

[@kookiecream7259]

As someone who is "bisexual" this really hurt me. I say "bisexual" because even though I find multiple gender attractive I am not sure if I am bisexual or pansexual or some other sexual orientation. If someone told me to come out.... I can't. Because I don't know myself. I feel bad for kit. This should not be anyone's come out experience.

[@jktwoodard]

I saw you were talking about Heartstopper and for a moment.... I was like "Savy, don't kill this for me TT~TT"

[@peapotfairy]

Ditto everything savvy said. I'm about to listen to mommy chastise twitter 3 or 4 more times

[@wornouthoodie]

if a character on heartstopper comes out as ace (my bet is maybe isaac) i really hope they address the difference between aromantic and asexual.

[@frozenyogurth]

I honestly would adore ace rep that actually has romantic relationships, because ace rep tends to ne aro as well and vice versa. An aro character that isn't ace would be really cool too!

[@wornouthoodie]

@@frozenyogurth yes!!

[@ZimVader-0017]

From what I've gathered, it is indeed Issac. Unless they mean Tori, Charlie's older sister. Although she's AroAce herself and I think has her own story arc in the books. I haven't read the books yet.

[@Butterflier00]

Isaac is an AroAce King.

[@magicalgirl4]

@@ZimVader-0017 I'm pretty sure Tori is a lesbian though I could be misremembering. Also, the author of the books is aroace so they would definitely point out the difference between the two :)

[@CathyY72]

Kit is only 18. I was 48 and had two kids before I realized I'm ace, mostly due to the fact that I had never heard the term before. I just thought I was the odd one who didn't like sex, at least not with other people. I know people who never feel comfortable coming out, and sometimes people don't understand their sexuality because they don't have the vocabulary for it, like me.

[@Miss__McCoy]

Yes to all this. I’d love to hear your take on the Taylor Swift “discourse”, I have so many thoughts.

[@Melissa-zh3zl]

I think this happened to Jameela Jamil and like basically everyone who’s played a non cishet character in a mainstream show in the past several years. Sure, it’s nice to have more queer people in queer roles, but it’s inappropriate to assume someone isn’t queer because they haven’t come out - especially in Hollywood where queerness can be a death knell to a more mainstream career. And yeah, the idea of a real human “queer baiting” by being gender nonconforming or even just being a public ally is so obnoxious, especially considering how often out bisexuals are de-queered in the public eye if they don’t act “gay enough”

[@Yupthatsme_7D]

This reminds me of when LilNasX wanted to look into the furry fandom, he had though it was a cool community he was curious and bought a fur suit. When he posted the pictures in the suit he was bullied online by the loud MINORITY of the community, they essentially accused him of trying to exploit the community, stating that because he’d gotten a counterfeit suit/knock off he wasn’t serious or was even making fun. LilNasX had no clue what he did wrong because he was new to the furry community. All the positive representation that could have come if he was able to get into it and advocate. It’s a shame. Extreme gatekeeping is the antithesis to community’s like LGBTIA+ communities.

[@goosewithagibus]

As a queer person who is generally perceived as a cis male, it really upsets me knowing that if I had a large audience, they would likely treat me the same. There's no right and wrong way to be queer.

[@BreakevenBooks]

I was so disgusted to see that he felt forced to share this. No one should ever feel the pressure to come out if they don't want to.

[@jennifervasquez]

There is such a pressure for younger queer ppl now a days to immediately know themselves n find a label n come out n i know this bc i experienced it i realized i was queer when i was 14 n even at such a young age i felt like i was late to the game n that i shouldve known this about myself way earlier n as soon as i realized i was for sure not straight i felt like there was a ticking time bomb counting down how long i had left before i had to find the perfect label that i would have to stick with for life n i had actually wanted to come out immediately after i realized i was queer bc i knew i had a good support system n i wanted to share this newly discovered part of myself with them but i felt like i couldnt until i found that perfect label n it put so much unnecessary stress onto me as a child n ironically kept me closeted for longer but im lucky bc this was during the mid 2010s when this current online queer landscape was just starting to be built i can only imagine how much more difficult it is for kids now especially while witnessing the ppl who forced a kid to out himself defend their indefensible actions as the moral thing to do

[@kristadosser3369]

I remember going on Tik Tok and finding out about his tweet. I didn't even know that people were doing this. It is his decision. If he wants to come out, he can, or he doesn’t have to come out if he doesn’t want to.

[@jodyml6965]

This is the same as when journalist use to ask young actors and musicians if they were virgins.

[@ZimVader-0017]

Or when young actresses had "Countdowns" publicly shared by different media like television and gossip magazines. Most notorious was Mary Kate and Ashley's Countdowns. Absolutely disgusting that grown adults were gleefully counting down to a child's 18th birthday and that was seen as normal.

[@maddiedoesntkno]

Savy is a _definite_ step up from my mum’s current gf👀

[@orangecatandsuch]

tbh, just happy my mom found someone.

[@turntapeover5749]

I think that what makes me the most mad about this is that the people DEMANDING him to come out are grown ass adults doing it to literally a kid and then be like "He's overreacting".. Just....wow.

[@cassielcruzchavolla809]

I might completely off but I think the people who accuse people of queerbaiting and pressure them to label themselves are pretty young , haven't experienced homophobia/transphobia in real life and apparently never questioned their identity. I just don't get how they think they're doing something virtuous for the community.

[@sanneannelies843]

Just found your video! I love you so much! Thank you for all of this. As a biseksual woman, when I read Kit his tweet I cried so much. I was so upset and later on got so angry. I went online on insta with tears saying how f*cked up this all is. Nobody gets to decide to do this to another person! I told people that follow me if you think this way, if you have a problem with me then go away. I will not tolerate this behaviour. I came out to a small group of people when I was 30!!! Now I am 33 and more people know now, it is in my bio online. And that is enough for me. I am a happy single, not looking, going through my own shit atm. But I am proud to be Bi 💖💜💙 Greetings from the Netherlands🥰

[@cheerful_something_something]

I was heartbroken for Kit when I heard. It's like people have this overwhelming entitlement and dehumanisation of anyone in the public eye. If it really was about the actors of queer characters being queer role-models it should be through the celebration of those role-models. Not through coersion of kids (or adults tbh) All of the Love to Kit and I'm glad the cast seem to be rallying around him.

[@Alyse_bell]

I will never get the obsession of knowing what the status of a celebrities (or anyones really) sexual orientation or relationship status. Yes they are in the public eye but they are still human and entitled to a private life

[@aurora_skye]

I am panromantic and a girl with a guy. It's frustrating. We're both ace and I'm so excited for the upcoming ace rep!

[@ConnorStompanato]

agree with everything youve said so much. the rise and obsession with own voices really turned what should have been a positive movement into a toxic hyperobsession where authors were being attacked for just being authors. it got so insane and i feel like (or maybe i just stopped following annoying people) but the obsession with it started to die down in the general consensus. but of course with the kit connor situation its clear that some annoying and toxic people are going to stay annoying.

[@hanaj]

I’m so happy that I’m a part of the Young Royals Reddit subreddit that decided that the actor’s personal lives were off limits unless they publicly discuss it. Anytime anyone even speculates, it gets shut down fast. I am a huge fan of Heartstopper, but I’ve stayed out of the tv fandom because it is toxic. I don’t know about the webcomic fandom, but I don’t want to find out

[@EfiLovesBooks]

THANK YOU for making this.

[@DeepSlumber]

I'm glad that he made the point about not wanting a label. I'm personally not labelling myself as anything when it comes to gender. I tell people "I am what you want me to be, I'm a woman, a man, non-binary, agender, i dont care - gender as a concept doesnt exist to me" - But people seem to have a hard time understanding this and repeatedly ask of myself to just put smth properly on it. For a time it was genderfluid, and again I had to remind them that that's not what I am because the concept doesn't exist in my context. I don't know why people love labels so much that they force them onto others.

[@inferiorinferno8859]

New to your channel, but I'm happy to see people get angry about bisexual erasure. As a bi woman myself, I've found it an eyesore since childhood. It has been going on for so long in media, and yet no matter how much we progress, people are still affected by it. It literally makes me want to bang my head against the wall. I've always been open about my sexuality since I was a teenager, precisely because of how the erasure was affecting me and what outing did to me (sharing my story down below): I still remember being like 12 and actually beginning to notice my own attraction to girls as puberty hit me, and due to the Twilight craze and having been a fantasy nerd, I picked up Buffy. I seldomly HATE characters or ships, but Willow and Tara had my blood boiling for the bisexual erasure. Willow was genuinely framed as having feelings for Xander, even making a remorseful comment about him never having noticed her for her intelligence when he makes a remark about how hot Anya is when she was being smart, when she was ALREADY in a relationship with Tara, yet the show kept saying she 'was a a lesbian now'.That lead me to thinking about how to present myself once I came out and how I didn't wanted to be the 'Oh you're gay now?' and to always stand firm in my grounds that I liked BOTH. Not even a year after that, I was forced to come out about my struggles with poverty by a classmate as she had pretty much pulled a detective case on me for not wanting to open up about my homelife and the fact she had told a kid I hung out with at lunch about her findings, really inspired me to be open about myself, because I didn't wanted anyone else to have the power to erase my experience, or to out me. I still remember the pain I had that day at class when I just told all my classmates about how poor I really was because I kept looking over my shoulder and thinking other kids were gossiping wether I was wearing a hand me down or not. It stressed me out so much, not knowing which kids at school knew about my homelife against my wishes, that I thought, 'better everyone should know'. (I still feel hurt that this girl outed my situation, and the fact I was the kid everyone bullied whilst she was that innocent teacher's pet everyone else would defend, made me feel even worse because I knew everyone was just going to defend her if I were to call her out for how fucked up it was to go behind my back and investigate something I made very clear I wanted to keep to myself because I felt ashamed). Sure, I was still questioning my sexuality a bit when I began telling people, but in the end, I knew that would be better then going through the pain of being outed for something again and I was scared. Me coming out was trying to take control of the narrative of my life. (I came out a few months after I was outed for being poor). But anyways, to further my critique on Willow and Tara specifically because this channel also discusses writing, that Willow's bisexual erasure, paired with Tara's toxic enabling of Willow's magic addiction and her forgiving Willow without the latter putting in the work, and Tara's own history of being abused and never sticking up for herself, made me LOATHE these two as a young girl to the point I was actually happy Tara was killed off because it meant their relationship was over. I almost felt like I was choking on the red flags, and this was in the time I was still casting a blind eye on toxic hetero pairings even if often I wasn't into them either. That was how much I hated it. And in recent comments, it was revealed Joss Whedon DID wanted her to be bisexual but that the audience wouldn't 'understand bisexuality' so they made her gay. As well as the fact they had been toying with 'making one of the characters LGBT and that either Willow and Xander were up the table, and that is why they had a football guy confess to Xander and the episode with Willow being a gay vampire, so they could test the audience to which one of the two the audience would rather see as a gay character. Letting the audience pick who is to be gay, and erasing the bisexual experience because of idiots who don't understand we can choose, to me just seems like Whedon wanted shock value, and his popular show being elevated to the 'meaningful and sure to go down in history' level for having a main cast member in a WLW relationship during a time in television where it was still controversial instead of actually trying to give the LGBT audience an experience and relationships we could find ourselves relate to. The fact this ship is still so praised for being a 'first' in the LGBT community gets my blood boiling. We're dealing with bisexual erasure and the 'death of the gay' thrope, and that is supposed to be GOOD representation? No way! Just because it was a first, doesn't have to equal it was good or that it deserves praise. No, their relationship was terrible and Joss Whedon definitely has a thing of trying to make his work meaningful coming to the expense of the characters being likable and relatable. See the Cabin In The Woods ending where the protagonists bring about the end of the world to comment on humanity being cruel and that we all deserve to die which is a thought most of us probably have had at some point in our lives and could see the point of, but the apocalypse hinted at the end was going to destroy the entire planet, with both plant and animal life alike which only makes me side with the villains because at least they wanted to preserve the planet even if they did sadistically wanted to butcher the protagonists as a sacrifice too (how can you make the protagonists who we are supposed to root for, bigger dickheads then the actual villains, HOW?!). This fucker is so pretentious, it makes me want to scream.

[@mk-aka-morgan8386]

I was extremely disappointed in people outing Kit Conner, I can’t believe that so many people, both queer and not, would think that’s an okay or “justified” thing to do. It’s like the harassment Fuzzz99 went through, including by other queer people. It makes me scared to be online 🥺

[@mj2208]

In the aftermath of people pretty unanimously denouncing the idea that real people can queer bait I’ve seen some people come out of the wood work and be like “but what abt the fakers 😩” and it’s like… what’s not clicking? if they are saying they are straight publicly they aren’t faking shit, so unless you have some proof that they are pretending to be queer publicly while in their private life boasting abt how straight they really are, you have no proof! Even then, it wouldn’t be queerbaiting, it would just be lying and homophobia! The only proof you think you have is just your own biphobia and bi erasure and entitlement! In some ways biphobia in the queer community has improved but in other ways it’s just gotten more subtle People used to accuse bisexual people of lying but bc that was continuously called out as biphobic, the biphobes shifted into misappropriating specific, academic queer language to weaponize against multi sexual people Im so so so so tired and sick of it

[@loverrlee]

I totally agree with you. This idea that there are just a ton of “fakers” out there is just so, so wrong. If someone is “faking” being gay it’s almost always because they have to be in the closet for fear of abuse. Literally nobody is faking being gay for clout? I don’t know where this idea came from that there are just a ton of straight people falling all over themselves to appear gay, as if being gay is some elite club everyone wants to be a part of now? No, being gay is still a minority and there are still plenty of people who are part of the LGBTQIA+ community who can’t be fully out of the closet for fear of violence. I’m sorry to anyone delusional enough to think that happens, but that just doesn’t happen. Give me one example of it. I’ll wait.

[@mj2208]

@@loverrlee exactly!!! I can only think of one instance in which someone pretended to be trans but it backfired nearly instantly! its not an actual social problem that poses a threat to the LGBTQ community

[@RoTaylorsVersion]

I just hope he can somehow feel better and understand that not all the heartstopper fans are like that 😥 We all need to focus on our lives and stop trying to control other people's.

[@nekusakura6748]

Kit Connor really deserved better from the Heartstopper fanbase.

[@gamewrit0058]

Love you, too. Thanks for covering this. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[@YesImANinjaDuh]

The only thing I feel was left out of the conversation was the observation that we are policing individual identities and behaviors as a response to mass media's actions. We say individuals are queerbaiting when we should be directing our energy and efforts to mainstream media companies who are doing significant and identifyable damage to the queer community rather than finger pointing public entertainers

[@alexlemaire8513]

the your mom jokes were perfect for cutting the tension of this shitty situation i was getting caught of guard laughing

[@ahuggie]

Can someone please make a .gif of Charlie Spring saying "bisexual people exist" to Tao and Isaac that we can just plaster everywhere?

[@nelsonkaiowa4347]

I don´t care about the gender or sexuality of the author. Writing is about getting in the skin of a character that could be a vampire or murderer. Do we need a vampire or murderer to write it? Same for actors. As for labels, people can go through various in their life. I respect whatever they are comfortable with at that moment and I don´t assume anything.

[@rudyrivera8483]

Wow north side of the city representing here right now I want to say you're awesome I like your way you talk

[@breem2999]

I'm 38 and I just came out as Bi to my family, having just realized it myself this year. I'm so happy it wasn't forced on me before I was ready.

[@Robert-vf6ny]

You realized it far younger, you just didn't want to ACCEPT it.

[@breem2999]

@@Robert-vf6ny 1. You do not know me at all. 2. Looking back I realize I was attracted to girls, but due to compulsory heterosexuality and internalized biphobia, I didn't REALIZE it was actually bisexuality this whole time. And I accepted it right away once I comprehended what it was.

[@mushroomdestroyer]

It’s strange how close minded some will be about their own community

[@Aerance]

As a bi cis man, I appreciate this video more than you will ever know. You're amazing.

[@TricksterModeEngaged]

Own Voices is one of those things that had the best of intentions and, as long as everyone is acting kindly and in good faith, should be great. Unfortunately publishing *is* reluctant to make as much room for "own voices" authors, so being able to use it in your marketing can be helpful as a way to signal to audiences "Hey I understand this experience and am from a group who were historically sidelined in mainstream publishing". It's just very disappointing that people keep going and twisting that into this sense that authors/actors/artists are obligated to tell us every single scrap of information about them, even if they're a very private person, aren't ready to reveal that or just don't think it's our business etc. just so randos can decide if this person should be "allowed" to write/act/draw/whatever. This keeps happening to bi artists, but I've seen some pretty upsetting cases where that also extended to people having to reveal their medical history or if they were a victim of sexual abuse to make people leave them alone and stop demanding that info for the sake of determining if they should hsve been allowed to write books where that's part of the story. (edit: I typed this just before she brought up that particular example at the end)