Sbusiso Lawrence - The problem with parenting in South Africa

[@sinazom9010]

The girl that died didn’t have biological parents. Keep that in mind. She was an orphan. The “mother” that you’re talking about is her aunt. The uncle’s and her aunts failed that girl by accepting that lobola from her abuser.

[@NontetoMogapi]

What you saying is true,but Westville have to call them her Parents,IF it was her biological Mom.It would have been different, MY Mom refused lobola. I got married in court.My Mom saw I didn't see.When my marriage ended,SHE was still there for me.That's a MOM.

[@sinazom9010]

@@NontetoMogapi That’s why I’m saying it needs to be cleared that she was an orphan. In your case your biological mom saw what you didn’t see on your ex husband hence she was firm in not accepting that lobola from the start. In this situation, things are different. The aunts and uncles knew he was abusive that guy but took the lobola anyway because that was not their biological child. They failed her very much.

[@sonwabiso_joy]

She's 100% correct!! My neighbor got a protection order for her 40+ y.o daughter who was in an abusive relationship, she saw she had no intentions of leaving the guy. Mind you, she has 2 girls that would be kicked out when the guy wants to physically harm her(No! He's not their father. Their father is alive & well). Last year the abuser ran away with the girlfriend, trying to hide because he beat her up so bad. That's when her mom said enough is enough, she took all the necessary steps to protect her daughter & chased him out of her daughter's house. It's been peaceful since then. Rented out her house & moved in with her mom, they all live together now.

[@agnesmothapo1881]

I have a 25 yr old daughter and I still give her allowance.thank u young lady ❤

[@marthalubasi]

We stay with all our kids. 36, 32 and 26.... All unemployed, but we teach them how to run their own businesses...I pray that our children are kept safe...

[@beewest5704]

May God make them fruitful & successful so their kids do not have to join the jobline but help run the family business!

[@lolokolela5660]

Ausie 🎉am giving you flowers 💐 you hit home....2025 be the voice of those women who still sugar coating reality❤

[@ayandantombela]

What a million dollar question!!! Mina ngicabanga ukuthi noma singashada, omunye nomunye akazakhele umuzi wakhe ngemali yakhe aziphilele impilo yakhe ngemali yakhe. Sizovakashelana when the nature calls.

[@tebogomatlala5056]

My thoughts exactly

[@beewest5704]

😂😂😂

[@vusmuzimasilela2358]

Base ngathi mangivakasha ngathola useless nenye n̈endoda/umfazi ngenzeni?

[@sinazom9010]

@@vusmuzimasilela2358 You’ll remember that umntu ngamye uziphilela impilo yakhe individually…. There’s no surprise visits to the other that must happen. So it will be your fault if umbambile, kofuneka ucele uxolo for invading her privacy😂😂😂😂

[@syeh779]

Yup...I want my own house, ong'dingayo seyongivakashela.

[@deliwepooe9330]

Me myself personally i started supporting my family at the age of 14 luckily for me my mom taught me not to depend on men,I used my God given talent.l started braiding etc at the age of 9 at 14 i started charging .till today i can stand on my own two feet and God blessed me with a boy child and i alwsys warn him about slay queens. I am who i am because of me not a man 🎉🎉

[@thembinkosidube3918]

Sbu was supposed to just walk away, never take decisions when you angry. In loving memory of, Nontobeko Cele God bless Thank you 💕...

[@akhonagushu3896]

It's easier than said, strength to both families.

[@thembinkosidube3918]

Siyabonga, bhudie.

[@bathenebuthelezi1614]

That lady could have walked away 1st day he laid a hand on him.... May her beautiful soul rest in peace. Hope both families will heal and learn from the experience

[@thembinkosidube3918]

Amen 🙌 God bless Thank you 💕

[@ndumisohector7020]

This is what hurt the most am is akwa have to be the one to support, mudt not hit back or back up if there is s fight but then if a guy is angry people will dsy man musy be calm so a man will alwa be wrong thst is what i have realised

[@spokaziyini]

What a raw and painful truth, may all the parents never run away from their responsibilities

[@Thee-v9t]

This is true, imagine someone killing your child cos he paid lobola? Lobola yamasimba? If that child was cheating why he never left her alone?

[@sbonzama7013]

Modern women are doing toooo much this days.

[@slieafrica]

Exactly

[@beewest5704]

And what happens when he cheats. Who does this to them?

[@Thee-v9t]

@ good question!

[@winstonmiller6210]

People should try and follow what the Bible says

[@akhonagushu3896]

Well said 💯 my sister. Truth hurts, we need more of these conversations.

[@AnnahGrace]

My mom, attempted to open a case some 17 or 18 years ago because my little sister was involved and sleeping with an older guy. And the police at that time failed her. So until the laws in our country can be upheld without public coercion, there will always be little traction on social ills that continue to plaque our country. I like your point on parenting, there you are right. Parents should stop making kids bread winners, and teach them to be functional members of the society. We can only hope to build a better south Africa that can afford opportunities for every child. And that needs to start with voting correctly and uprooting corruption. Love and peace

[@estherdaitey1701]

HELLO SISTER,AM SENDING YOU BIGGEST OF LOVE FROM GHANA.DON"T STOP SPEAKING TRUTH.TJANK YOUUUUU

[@MemoryMahlangu-p8c]

Please start a podcast I will subscribe

[@bathenebuthelezi1614]

Well said wena, my lady. People dont realize that you are a parent forever

[@aluwanibrenda]

I heard u clearly .I vow to do exactly that for my child .I have a daughter...help me God .thanks

[@slieafrica]

💔 this whole thing has shook me to my core. I told my younger cousin if she needs anything and I may have thd means to do it, I will do it! I'm not going to her funeral. I want her to live her best life! I'm not in the greatest position but I have something. I will not allow an insecure male with no self esteem to think he can control her with airtime and other gifts! No! Sisekhona! Asakhe ubudlelwane obuqinile nentsha bazalwane. I felt this woman's passion. I'm so heartbroken by all this 💔🤧😭☹ and very angry about it as well 😡. Modimo ntuse

[@nomvulanobela7675]

Eish thats so true we really need to teach our kids to go to School & be responsible

[@Sambulo-biyela]

I agree with what you say. But there is no recipe to parenting. As parents (not a parent myself but of child bearing age) we can lay a foundation and moral ground for our kids but ultimately they decide. As a parent of a legal adult even in an abuse situation you are powerless against their decision to drop a case. This kind of talk though correct is fuelled from the privilege of not having been in that situation, tried everything and still face failure as a parent. Having financial responsibility over an adult child does not necessarily mean you have full control of their decision making and choices. I disagree with the part yamaLobolo as well, but thats a topic for another day.

[@LangelihleNgema]

Yho,can you imagine being responsible for a 30 year old financially?that is where most black people fail also not only people who are less fortunate gets abused even people who are financially capable does,the problem is South Africa itself there is a demon of abuse and society had normalised it.

[@thandymonay42]

But the same 30 year old as a parent you want a man to be responsible for her?

[@LangelihleNgema]

@ Why would I want someone else to be responsible for my 30 year old when I can easily make sure that my child by the time they reach adulthood they can look after themselves,financially by imvesting in their education and guidance and proper planning.

[@thandymonay42]

@LangelihleNgema I didn't understand your comment at first

[@_theerealnono_7694]

True. People aren't addressing the elephant in the room. It's spiritual. Let's run to the LORD.

[@Zee__Z]

​@LangelihleNgemagreat mindset, the only thing you lack is a full scope of reality. Unfortunately life is unpredictable. You can have all these degrees, yet still struggle with finding employment. Have all this business knowledge yet have no luck in sustaining that business. We see it happen all the time whereby people get fired, retrenched, businesses shut down, cars repossessed, etc...and guess what, most of those people will tell you that their parents worked hard to make sure that they get the life that they deserve, but life and God (or whoever you believe in) had other plans. Even if it's just for 6 months, a setback is a setback and it can happen at any stage of your life...even at 54.

[@Ntsako100]

Wow, what a session, the truth in this ❤

[@JonasMojapelo]

O buwa nnete my dear sis.

[@tshepisomonyobo1675]

Well said my sister 👏

[@Truthholliness-cx4dx]

Thank you baby girl ang God bless you.

[@seipeilikecpaymolefe8937]

Well Said.... Ausi❤

[@kedibonemadia2229]

Enough said my sister🤞🤞

[@rachemolefe6687]

So true have 30 year old and 40 year old I'm responsible for them and I'm too strict umbhedo nje angihlangani nawo

[@LollyMadikiza-xw4ok]

@rachemo...too strict on a 40yr old🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣o sa tlo bua maaka!

[@sonwabiso_joy]

@@LollyMadikiza-xw4ok My neighbor's daughter is at least 40 yrs old but her mom had to end her relationship with an abusive man last year. She was literally losing her mind over this man, protecting him & all. The last straw was when the guy disappeared with the lady for almost a week kanti he beat her up so bad & was trying to hide her from her kids. The mom had to step in & do something, she'd drag her daughter to go to police station to get protection orders. She'd be dead by now had her mom not intervened. Just do something! Intervene!

[@Bandz-e6i]

She was an orphan that's not her mom

[@MemoryMahlangu-p8c]

Am pledge to take 💯 care until they are able

[@ZandileNtsibanyo]

You can say that again my sister, you've said mouth full!

[@nonhlanhlanhlapo7552]

Nnete feela my 🤝

[@estherfadzaichigumira473]

Thank u sis ❤

[@BonganiLeshiba]

Uvulavula ntiyiso cc wamina🎉

[@TK-nl3sy]

Some true statements but dowry has nothing to do with abuse! Dowry was about building relations between families not ownership. Africans do not have white weddidngs but traditional weddings which include dowry. Indians still practice dowry from the woman to the man's family!

[@Sambulo-biyela]

Exactly and people go on as if taking it away will help anything! If anything it means all these men without any real intent will have access to marriage.

[@NontetoMogapi]

Very true,Gagona MO magazine a tsenang MO tiragalong e.Even if there was no Lobola payment,still there was a problem.

[@Truthholliness-cx4dx]

Yooooo! It sunked inside me. I heard you well baby girl. Hloho e nntsu.........

[@LungileNzimande-xq3ki]

Yoooh waze walikhuluma iqiniso yoooh

[@zosibiya1398]

Very powerful indeed

[@GK222_]

O boletse nnete e eseng kana ka selo ❤

[@deliwepooe9330]

Amen sisters, my words exactly. If i can tell you a story about my nephews and their mother You will cey😢😢

[@thamimahlangabeza6639]

Waza wasigcwalisela! I for one am hearing you, sisi.

[@faithing88]

Everyone today is an expect yet the country is more messed up 😂😂

[@NontetoMogapi]

For those ŵho have ears to hear,IF a person refuse good advice then what.

[@tebogomatlala5056]

People don't want the truth sisters 😢

[@nolusindisonotenga3579]

True cwam❤

[@jackiesithole4185]

True story

[@nomkhosimbatha8360]

I wish I can share this video.

[@MzansiAwakened]

Go to her tiktok page and download her video there,you'll be able to share it.

[@nonhlanhlanhlapo7552]

Amen my sister

[@LwegabaDavid-g8d]

This is the first woman i have seen in this land who speakes facts however hurtful it may sound ,

[@Dee-Dee4959]

This is tough but true. Mantsoe a bohloko.

[@ezy78667]

When we say we dont want kids because we have reflected on such they call us names because we want to be child free women! I for one, have had it hard an a young girl, working and studying same time at university to feed myself. I dont want a child for many reasons. I Wish my mom could see this!!

[@hlobisilezama999]

Even if she refuses to see or understand, stay childfree as long as you desire sister. I laugh at all the name callings because in the end, what matters is what I want.

[@TozamaNcumisaMbengo]

Inyani iyakrakra sisi Abazali mabagqogqe indlebe kuphume umphunga beve bazokwazi ukukhusela abantwana abangamantombazana😢😢😢😢

[@nomalungelongcete5875]

Umphula not umphunga, sorry 😢

[@kamogelothamaga5751]

This! Oh Modimo!🙏🏽❤️❤️❤️

[@QueenKganyago]

Amen 🙏

[@TozamaNcumisaMbengo]

Sisi uwagqibile ndikuvile mna ❤❤❤❤

[@siphosymposiummadikizela3733]

My WhatsApp up group 😊😊 telling it like it is # thank you very much, we need people like you.

[@maggylenea4151]

Im in pension sti taking care of my daughter who also brought the husband and also looking after my grandchildren but I'm staying like a visitor they swear at me at times these Rights are also a problem in our homes

[@spicefaith7419]

very true

[@nonhlanhlanhlapo7552]

True that

[@masibam7752]

Eish...facts!!!!!

[@RuthMadumo]

Not every gender based violence is about money so you know independent women are also killed so don't be ignorant please

[@palesamacholo3367]

She's talking about that case of aebusiso, stop it

[@hlobisilezama999]

They do get killed for their own money they have. They get killed by jealous men who feel inferior because of money! Open your eyes!

[@tsepisomokone2396]

Isn't the same independent woman stuck in abusive relationship because they want to be validated and convince themselves they have a man? Goes with those who are not independent. Woman in abusive relationship stay for something always.

[@joymakhubela6691]

Powerful ❤

[@CarolNgobese]

❤❤❤

[@BhekiMkhaliphi-e3w]

kodwa wayi ukhuluma iqiniso elingaka .

[@duncantsolo3273]

💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭

[@thandymonay42]

I always say this, lobola is irrelevant. But people say I'm crazy. Actually even those who are not paid for need to stop being dependent on men

[@NontetoMogapi]

Lobola I mean.

[@samm_zoe8154]

‼️‼️‼️

[@judithpatriciapastor8082]

We have same stories in zim

[@MpumeZuma]

How come ngiyeke indodakazi yam ishayiswa indoda ngemoto ngithule weee bebelinde u Raf how guy's, mmmmh

[@beewest5704]

They taught him how to treat her. No guy has ever dared to even raise even his voice nor his hands at me cause they know how protected I am. My parents don't play, my uncles don't play & worse of all my cousins do not play. Pr3dators choose easy victims. He knew she had no parents & extended family who cared more about lobola & RAF money than their child.

[@NontetoMogapi]

Imagine,yoh this family didn't Love this girl,Hayibo😢

[@rachemolefe6687]

Amen🙌🙌🙌🙌mkhenyana wamasimba

[@Nosie-pk4ys]

Sivile cc enkosi.I hope simamele sibaninzi.It even shows ukuthi they d'nt do these things for the girls out of their good hearts it's just to own them and keep them as their properties.

[@MbaliPee-sh9ri]

The girl didn’t have a mom , she died

[@fuziwemkuthi5776]

In other cases it's men defending other men, Father's not doing anything even if the son in law does the unthinkable. Some mothers would never take that nonsence. Men speak for other men most of the time.

[@thabisomakhobalo750]

O opile kgomo lenaka ngwaneso hlee.

[@NkhangeleniRosalarothe]

No if she us an orphan why she was not honest and try to look after herself and go for two men?

[@RejoiceMadzvamuse]

Yho ausi watla wanghlaba pelo, ha eyo nnete efetang eo buang. Nna kgale kejikiswa police station bare hakalemala, kebetwa daily n batho ebile habana taba Kore ke bethiwa babebanke kevideo.. Hao osatsebeng kanna.. I used to fight for every woman mokedulang nou bare starring must do their part in their movie.. Honestly speaking I lost all hope n faith in myself, even though I say I refuse to be a stats Im just waiting for the day ampolaya. Coz vele there is nothing I can do, maybe if I get a job n moved out of kasi only then will I be free. Trust me when I say I've been to rabie ridge station still I'm not getting any help.. Hake say Bua ka so called friends /family that are wearing uniform... What must one do vele?

[@MzansiAwakened]

Thank you for sharing your story with us, I can see how much you're going through, and I want to acknowledge your strength for speaking out. It’s heartbreaking to hear about the lack of support you’ve experienced, especially when reaching out for help. 0800 428 428 - ForWomen helpline 0800 150 150 - Lifeline helpline Please know you are not alone, and there are people who want to help. If possible, consider connecting with these organizations.