How to Write an Undeniable 8/10 Screenplay - Screenwriting Tips

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[@Scriptfella]

🎥 FREE 1-HOUR MASTERCLASS 7 Screenwriting mistakes that kill the read for agents www.scriptfella.com/mistakes-masterclass ☠ 100% of agents and producers who fail to finish your script will pass. Join this free masterclass with WGA Screenwriter Dominic Morgan, where he will teach you how to eliminate the 7 BIGGEST MISTAKES that cause Hollywood agents and managers to stop reading your script. Spoiler alert: This isn’t about your plot, characters, logline, or story circles. And the first mistake is an absolute dealbreaker… Get access now at www.scriptfella.com/mistakes-masterclass

[@albertusbodenstein1976]

I'm a total beginner.. this is GOLD. So glad I came accross this! Thanks!

[@Scriptfella]

Cheers Albert

[@spoiler321]

This is excellent instruction that's difficult to find on-line. I crave it. I could watch you do an entire screenplay 10 pages at a time.

[@Scriptfella]

Thank you Timm - I've very pleased you found this tutorial useful. I suggest you check out the free classes for THE SCRIPTFELLA PROGRAM, which contains 6 hours of video tutorials in THIS EXACT FORMAT, PLUS 6 hours of short but intensive classes - PLUS 8 hours of live zoom classes with me. You can watch another full class for zero dollars here - courses.scriptfella.com - V. best Dominic

[@albertabramson3157]

Thank you, Scriptfella! I do screenwriting and editing and a tough time explaining to writers that they need to improve pacing, start with an ironic logline, make scenes more compact, use only 1-2 lines to establish location, etc. Most people want to write a book and should, but still want to make a movie.

[@ChrisLotane]

I stumbled onto your channel for the first time today and am on my third video of yours. This channel is so helpful in understanding revisions and the reasons behind them. I’m working on my first script so thank you for passing along your knowledge!

[@Scriptfella]

Cheers Chris. I'm glad you're enjoying the Scriptfella vids. You might want to check out the 3 free taster classes in the Scriptfella Program here: courses.scriptfella.com/courses/the-scriptfella-program

[@whobitmyname]

Writer: *makes a change that pushes the paragraph to a fourth line* Me (a semi-beginner): "Nnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

[@adrianobrowne3110]

I tap your video by accident and fell in love. This is the sort of constructive criticism that compels me.

[@orlandodabner]

This is fantastic advice. Incredibly precise and you can immediately see how the writing is elevated. I love the notes on underwriting as someone who has struggled with it for quite some time.

[@Scriptfella]

Thanks Orlando - I suggest you check out my free masterclass which goes into more depth on the screenwirting sins of underwriting & overwriting 7 Screenwriting mistakes that kill the read for agents www.scriptfella.com/mistakes-masterclass

[@perrap79]

Pure gold! This was really helpful! The Art of Story - channel is doing this too. So helpful! Thank you so much!

[@Monfordrock]

I am so pleased I saw this as a post on LinkedIn. This is exactly how I instinctively write. If one cannot see it or hear it on the screen then I don't write it in the screenplay. Dominic describes perfectly what is and is not required.

[@Scriptfella]

Cheers Rock Salt, I'm glad you enjoyed this vid.

[@Monfordrock]

@@Scriptfella I certainly did- thanks. Although I have only just discovered Scriptfella, this video immediately reassured me that I have been on the right track all along. I find it uncomfortable and totally unnecessary when I read extended descriptions of scenes and, worse still, what a character's emotions are. Let the audience/reader work that out for themselves by simply what they see. Let the reader make mistakes and think one thing only to be surprised later. I never want to be "Spoon-fed" by a writer. Let me work it out. I am so happy to have discovered Scriptfella- thank you!

[@Scriptfella]

​@@Monfordrock check out the free classes courses.scriptfella.com

[@Monfordrock]

@@Scriptfella Thank you.

[@johnjohnson2194]

This is a masterclass - in just 19 minutes!

[@Scriptfella]

@@johnjohnson2194 thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it

[@thom8577]

Really appreciate all the information you've put out there. Been using it a lot lately and picked up on the disdain for the use of "CONTINUOUS" 😂. I have to ask though, I've submitted drafts of the same script with and without CONTINUOUS only to be told to remove it or put it back in. All a matter of the reader's preference? Been knocked down a few points for this particular detail.

[@user-qn7ui7sb1q]

This content is amazing stuff keep it up

[@bennie.379]

thank you for this!

[@bennie.379]

also thank you to the guy who submitted the original screenplay for review

[@Quantumfuturestrader]

This hit home with me. Wonderful.

[@Scriptfella]

I'm very pleased to hear that, quantum. My Scooby senses tell me you might enjoy this free class - www.scriptfella.com/mistakes-masterclass

[@TheGloriousUncertainty]

IS or ARE, being a great rule !!

[@michellelindsay-baharierob475]

PURE GOLD.

[@paulpena5040]

I don't mean to be picky but if sh'e's an assassin of some kind wouldn't she have brought a weapon? Seems odd that she would go to see a target and THEN look around for a weapon. I would have preferred something like he knocks the gun out of her hand and THEN she has to improvise.

[@jimjo8541]

He could be pouring some gasoline into a lawn mower or chainsaw, so he’s holding the gasoline. She reveals her intent. He throws the gasoline on her, making her reluctant to use her gun. He attempts to flee. She grabs the chain, etc. Hell, then have her pick up the hook but notice the chainsaw 😂 cut away as she cranks up that sucker. Dust. Screaming.

[@taurustheory]

Hello, What screen writing software are you using here? Thanks

[@Scriptfella]

My genius editor is using Abode After Effects to create the graphics

[@User1billionnd1]

Great content.

[@vdeovisuals]

2:17 haybarn 2nd floor I've never seen a 3 storey barn I assume they meant 1st floor

[@ScottyHunter]

Depends on the region. Some areas, ground floor and first floor are the same and can be used interchangeable, in other areas, ground floor is the one on the ground while the first floor is the second level. It's very much regional. Also, there are ABSOLUTELY 3 and even 4 storey barns. Having a ground/first floor, first/second floor, and third/loft level are extremely common in my area which has a lot of Mennonite and Amish. Some will even go so far as to have the 3rd and 4th/loft areas for hay, and ground/first, and first/second for livestock. Yes, you can absolutely have livestock on a raised barn level. Just depends on the area.

[@NunofromPortugal]

First off i just wanna say, great content. I appreciate you taking the time to share with us your methods and thought process. It's difficult to find a channel where they show how to shape up a screenplay. I hope you can take this comment as constructive criticism. In the case of this screenplay, i don't think the problems are related to the descriptions of Actions or the Dialogue. He can write. It's the Story and the World building. There are different levels of World Building. I don't need to know about the Christian States of America in this opening sequence, but i do need to learn about this world from the things related to these two characters. From the video i can't tell if this is the whole scene but here are a couple things that need to be addressed: - Why is she Advocate 17:4? - Why are his Visions dangerous? Is 17:4 related to the passage in the Bible, John 17:4 "I have brought you glory on Earth by completing the work you gave me to do"? If so, how does this define her as a character? Why this passage? Then, it's important to establish why his Visions are a threat to this world. It will tell us a bit more about the world itself. I don't know how much longer this scene plays out for but he is already overpowered and none of this has been addressed. Also, this is supposed to depict a dystopian future, but it feels more like Jason Bourne than The Handmaid's Tale. Where are the religious undertones? Like someone said in the comments this feels like the opening scene from Blade Runner 2049. You mentioned the line "a cult look to go with a cult personality". Where? Where's the cult personality? Let her talk for a bit so we can see it. They just get into a fight. I suggest dropping this Action approach for a more Thriller approach. Let him run and hide while she "hunts him" and tells the audience why his Visions are a threat. Let her show us that overly religious behavior reminiscent of this Christian dystopian future. Maybe throw in there a line where she uses the bible verse that makes her Advocate 17:4. If this screenplay is still not getting that 8 out of 10 Blacklist score, consider that the problem is the storytelling and not the writing.

[@arzabael]

Oh my gosh sir. “Treatment-ese”. It is true that finding a language for a thing is the way to master it. Treatmentese. Oh my. That, is good.

[@Scriptfella]

Cheers @Arzabael, I'm glad that one hit the target for you.

[@michaelmyers5809]

This is phenomenal. And I definitely write way too much.

[@Scriptfella]

thanks Michael, I'm v pleased you enjoyed the vid.

[@Truthshallsety0ufree]

Love this.

[@SaiGade-go9wp]

Hey Scriptfella, massive fan. Thank you so much for these practical useful videos. They instantly improve my writing. What do you think about this longline for PROMISELAND: A terminally ill man must escape the Christian States of America's nightmarish extended life program or forever hold his peace...

[@RamRod333]

Have you ever thought that this a British guy trying to decipher an American English screenplay? They don’t speak the same as us😂

[@davidlambertson5209]

Brilliant stuff - screewriting gold

[@Scriptfella]

Thanks David!

[@keyshawnbess572]

I’m huge on characters have personality or feelings in a screenplay. I believe great dialogue needs to show personality or feelings or say something about the characters. If that’s not in a script then it takes me out of it.

[@cianohannrachain4902]

"A cult look to match a cult personality." You said that this is golden, but isn't this as unfilmable as the "illusion of a better life"? This is the first frame she is in, how can you expect a director to convey a whole personality in that short a time?

[@jimjo8541]

Yeah I thought that was a weak line too. Like, I get it, but visually that doesn’t work. Cults have many different looks.

[@roease6674]

From what I know, you can get away with unfilmable lines in character descriptions / bios since those are more for the actor than the camera so you’re transmitting the feeling of the character more than their “look”

[@epmcgill8301]

Is it possible for me to be able to recieve help from you, like this?

[@Scriptfella]

Hi EP - I do work one-to-one with screenwriters, by providing audio notes. Head over to www.scriptfella.com

[@KitAnderson]

Soooooo a professional assassin shows up without any weapons and uses a found object to unalive a target?

[@Ben-Hollingbery]

5.24 I'd have said the car is out of place as unecessary

[@matthewlavagna6080]

What exactly is this " nightmarish extended life program"? I get the impression from the log line that the terminally ill man wants to end his life but he's not able to because the Christian's aren't allowing him to. Is this what it's about?

[@Scriptfella]

Hi Matthew, it's not really my place to reveal any more, but the premise is wild and could be an absolute banger

[@matthewlavagna6080]

@@Scriptfella How about using "bible belt" instead of "Christian states of America"?

[@Scriptfella]

In the movie, the Christian States of America IS the concept.

[@matthewlavagna6080]

@@Scriptfella I see. So the United States of America has become the "Christian States of America". The entire country has become a theocratic dictatorship?

[@sirmister9099]

funny enough, the concept is interesting but tying it to some sort of actual religion is just a weird manipulation attempt to win awards from extremist activists for mediocre work. For example swap Christian States of America to Muslim States of America. Then you notice the glaring issue. Not to mention America was already founded on Christianity and it provably and historically wasn’t a dystopian hellscape like the writer wants to infer. It is clearly made to be woke but wokeism is in its dying breaths. Biggest issues being, people who work and earn money to go watch movies are working class and despise wokeness. Currently Sound of Freedom, a movie against child trafficking, (somehow construed as anti-woke, try explaining that one) is smashing woke hollywood blockbusters. I understand you’re only concern is the screenwriting, but I would tell him to rewrite the concept into something that regular people might actually pay for.

[@NotMolly-jf2rh]

Where she releases his leg and a few moments later its constricting his leg.

[@michaeljoseph8012]

Try to make every word earn its keep is very hard.

[@Junker-kr4sd]

Trying*

[@michaeljoseph8012]

@@Junker-kr4sd you are

[@keyshawnbess572]

I still couldn’t visualize some of this even with the revisions I feel some of your revisions made it even worse than it already was.

[@SS-fs5tw]

man i have a long way to go.. im probably on a 2/10 right about now. :(

[@madamthemystic]

I'm interested in describing an empty void of nothingness.

[@Scriptfella]

What can we see ?

[@madamthemystic]

@@Scriptfella The only thing that exists is one tiny speck of dust and it's surrounded by darkness. It floats aimlessly for eternities. Until......

[@Leon-zu1wp]

​@@ScriptfellaJ.R.R. Tolkien once wrote that if he's describing a hole in the ground, it's often better to describe what's *not* in the hole rather than what is. It both describes and also tells us the tone of, in this case, the void. Voids can definitely be happy or sad.

[@madamthemystic]

@@Shofixi Thank you. I will check into that.

[@pascalcooper4518]

You're talking about undeniable and over here thinking in terms of essential.

[@RamRod333]

There’s a lot of contradiction in this breakdown. You say be more specific and dramatic but then cut out some of the dramatic descriptions. Absolutely confusing analysis.

[@keyshawnbess572]

Some of His revisions made it worse then it already was some scenes felt even harder to visualize then they were before.

[@ZenHulk]

Hey write a 10/10 script odds of anyone seeing it without being an insider, same as winning the Powerball. Take a 50 yr old disabled veteran who wrote a 92 page PG Christmas movie with a story that has never been done, with a part two built into it, odds of it ever leaving the drawer in his puppet workshop 1 in 292 million, same as Powerball. ITS BS, and has turned me off watching anything anymore.

[@wyattnoel1]

mine is: A female disabled veteran is dumped on a housing estate where she has to fight cross border gangs to survive!

[@jeylorien]

You look like Tucker Carlson. Great content tho!

[@eriksmith2514]

Too wordy. Write this instead: A terminally ill man must escape the Christian States of America's ruthless enforcers to avoid a nightmarish extended life program.

[@chrisjohnson8227]

I'm sorry but someone has to say it, this is just a worst version of Blade Runner 2049 opening scene.

[@Leon-zu1wp]

I also think the Evangelical Cult America plot is so played out and derivative.

[@MacSmithVideo]

It's preachy and heavy handed.