SDAM: Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory | Explained

Breaking down SDAM, Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory and what it means. What types of memories are effected and why I can remember how to ride a bike, but won't remember ever riding one.
This is not a medical channel, I am not giving out medical advice, just my personal experience. And everyone with these neurodivergencies will have their own unique experiences.
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#Aphantasia
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[@yourmom2189]

Ok. I’m shook. This is the first time I’m learning about this condition, as far as I can remember anyhow. Lol But I really think this applies to me! I can’t believe that other people experience this too! No one I’ve ever spoken to about my memory deficit has ever related to me. I’m 43 and found out I’m autistic a little over 2 years ago. People ask me about my childhood or other life events and I just can’t remember. There are a few sporadic memories I have, but mostly not. And when my kids were little and went to the doctor or whatever and they would ask me about their development and yada yada, but I just couldn’t remember and sometimes I felt like such a bad parent that I would sometimes make stuff up so it would look like I could remember. It feels so isolating and I hate feeling like a bad person because of my memory. 🥺

[@i.am.mindblind]

I first heard about SDAM a few years ago and it felt so good to know others had the same memory experience as I do. I think I spent many years secretly worried I had some early alzheimers or something. No one ever understands.

[@kimrack7653]

56 and just discovering I am ADHD and ASD. Always knew I was weird 😁. My appalling memory has been the biggest source of embarrassment though. Family and friends feel hurt by it. Discovering I'm full Aphant led to realising I have SDAM has been the biggest relief of it all. Not broken just different 😊

[@i.am.mindblind]

Yay another person with my weird mix of neuordivergencies! But yes, I used to (and still sometimes do even if I can't help it) get so embarassed by my memory.

[@Slim_Chiply]

​@@i.am.mindblind I've known I'm autistic for close to a year now, but I'm discovering more every day. My wife gets constantly frustrated by my horrible memory. It's so bad that about a decade ago I was mis-diagnosed with early onset dementia. I can recall only bits and pieces of my life even very recent events. Like you they are incidents that have been re-told over and over. Many times I can only recall telling the memory and not the actual memory itself. There are times though when I have flashes of memory of an incident. There's no emotion tied to it. It's like seeing a blurry second or two video clip. Any effort to try to focus on it and tease out information makes it all go away. They are all disjointed snippets and there aren't very many.

[@jaquelinezini]

ok, I'M NOT INSANE!!!! there's a name to this thing that happens to my memory and I'm not alone!!!!!

[@rickaustin6861]

I sooo needed to see this video. I found out about SDAM several years ago. I have tried my whole life, I'm 68, to convince doctors that I don't remember flying from Virginia to California to take the first place trophy for best high school marching band in the Tournament of Roses Parade on New Year's Day in 1969 by dancing the Teaberry Shuffle on national TV while performing the commercial jingle with a 144 piece marching band overseen by John V. Mazza, the last living member of the original John Phillip Souza Marching Orchestra, but I know I did it. I would get so frustrated and just give up for years at a time. I was sitting in a bar and the guy next to me got highly offended that I didn't know who he was even though he had recently been to my house where I gave him some guitars out of my collection to try to sell. I recently asked a singer that I teach and perform with if she would give me voice lessons. She informed me that she came to my house every week for several months a few years ago and gave me lessons that I paid for. I think she was offended too.

[@i.am.mindblind]

Sounds like you might have prosopagnosia (faceblindness) too!

[@samvimes86]

I'm also diagnosed with ADHD, and suspect I also have some level of ASD, and am certain I have aphantasia. This video has now opened my eyes to the likelihood I have SDAM as well. Your comments at 11:05 almost seem to match how I've described my internal "visual" recollection; it's like I'm internally describing the subject to myself as if I were drawing it with my hands in front of me. For example, "Her hair kind of goes like that, and she has brown eyes and long lashes that are shaped like this." Instead of having a picture to refer to, it's like I'm dictating to myself as if I were drawing a facial composite sketch for a police investigation, but without actually visually creating the composite sketch in my mind at all. I don't know if that makes sense to you or anyone, but because the first of your videos I watched, just the other night, was "This one hit harder than I thought. Talking about Speech Patterns in Autistic People," I just wanted to say a massive thank you, from someone who's been on the ADHD journey for several years now and wanting to properly start on my ASD and aphantasia journeys, (and now a probably SDAM journey too); thank you so much for willing to be vulnerable and share your experience in the hope of easing the way for those of us on the trail behind you. You're good people

[@i.am.mindblind]

❤️❤️❤️

[@ITSBEXII]

this is what i have im so glad i found your thank you for sharing

[@becoming1self]

I used to watch home movies constantly because I don’t remember and like you said about the photos it’s as though I recall them. I said “but only what’s in the photo” before you did. Wow, I’ve never heard it described like this before. Also experience aphantasia.

[@EnkiRising]

45 and got my ADHD diagnosis a few days ago, with my autism assessment soon. I'm also learning that I have aphantasia, and most likely SDAM. Your videos have been a great help in understanding these conditions. Thank you.

[@Aphantallica]

I have aphantasia and SDAM. Your description of the experience is spot on. I think it’s interesting when a neurotypical person says memories it means a different kind of experience from how we “remember.” It’s more like a description of “memories” more than remembering.

[@LanceMillerSeattle]

I've plunged into more sharply defining my neurodivergency. I got interested in this when I realized I have almost no visual memory. Mostly if it moves, I have no recall of a moving image. I also can't recall any melody, even though I listen to music alot and play guitar. Best example is when I was a teenager my mom asked me about some girl I was in an obsessive crush about. I couldn't describe her visually at all. Not one thing. I do very much have semantic memory. I easily recall I went to Yellowstone National Park and loved it. I recall my being in Alaska and Antarctica. I recall I went to see Jack White, the Police, and King Crimson in concert. I cannot relive the experiences at all. Images, sounds are nonexistent. What is missing is the recall of "lived experience". I recall my life almost exactly like reading an account of something, a book about a person's adventure in Alaska. I have more recall of text. Learning to write computer programs opened up to me a way to "visualize" the episodic world, a sequence of events, contingent layered social interactions, etc. Before seeing it in code in the form of nested IF-THEN I didn't have a grasp on that side of reality. All the above is said while maintaining I had extreme cases of over-intellect. Every Friday from 2nd grade to 6th grade we took spelling tests. I never missed an answer, not once. By 9th grade I tested out at 12th grade 9th month level. In sexual relationships this all was especially important. All value for me is looking forward to something. A "pleasant surprise" is almost worthless. The mental activity of expecting something and it actually happening is the only phase that is positive. Because memory after the fact of the lived experience is a blank, so of no worth.

[@kaous5690]

Woah I didn't even know this was a thing! I never cared much about this but I have literally what you explained. I thought and this was just different than a bad memory, I never even though something like this. I also adore your content, no music behind, nothing, just pure speech which gets my focus and doesn't tire my brain at all

[@i.am.mindblind]

Thank you! Yes, I choose to edit my videos as minimally as possible (with a few occasions.) and I think my first couple have more sound effects and such. I was so glad when I finally had a name for my memory disorder, before it was always just so unsettling to not remember stuff that seemed like I should.

[@KH-nv5in]

So interesting to hear the photo thing is common. Absolutely ditto to what you explained about that. Only recently found your channel and loving your videos, you explain things so well.

[@i.am.mindblind]

Thank you, I really appreciate that feedback.

[@tartdarling]

I've never heard someone explain this so well! I do the picture thing too. It's very much like I can't see the image in my head, but I just know it and could describe larger details of it. It made my working in a bookstore somewhat interesting because most people come in and describe the cover so you have to play guessing games a lot. The SDAM also sounds like my memory, I didn't know there was a term/diagnosis for it! I've always been amazed when people can remember very specific details of things that happened, down to exact dialogue and I'm over here like "yeah, i remember i saw that movie in theaters but i have no idea what it was about" 😂

[@MarkWilsonCreative]

OMG! I thought I was the only one. This is the first time (although possibly not, lol) that someone has effectively described how my long-term memory behaves. My memories are few and very patchy. Mostly just snapshots without context, colour, sound, emotions or any kind of time reference. I've never heard of SDAM. I need to know more, right now! Subscribing.

[@i.am.mindblind]

❤️❤️❤️ Hope you get some answers. There are other things that cause memory problems but SDAM fit my experience the best so far!

[@zentalia8133]

I recently realized i have SDAM and full sensory aphantasia and already diagnosed at maybe 5 with ADHD. I always called my memory like pure object permanence. I completely forget about something existing unless i am reminded by an external source, like a picture or sound, or object in my environment. I couldnt tell you what my what my mother looks like except for key bullet points. If i look at a picture i can remember some bullet point details or even conversations of the event, but only as words. No images, sounds, smells, or the like. I didnt even realize people could experience these things, it was devastating.

[@i.am.mindblind]

Me too, I was really shocked to learn other people could visualize. I knew from a fairly young age something was wrong with my memory, but didn't get a name for it until I was 38

[@lisapettit7403]

I could SO relate to what you were saying about thinking about photographs but not being able to experience the event in my mind. Aphantasia and SDAM have been frustrating for me. So often when my daughters ask about themselves when they were small. I feel awful because I can't remember. I know that doesn't make me a bad mother, but it feels like it sometimes. Only learning recently about SDAM at least explains what is happening in my brain and that makes me fell a bit better.

[@user-hz1ew6jc3p]

I feel the same way. I just discovered I have aphantasia. I also have a very difficult time trying to recall my life, and it makes me very upset especially as a mom of four.

[@01doha]

Same here, 67 yrs old and can’t remember my courtship, wedding or childrens births or childhoods in any kind of detail. Also when I’m not with people, or they have died, I don’t miss them at all, so I guess that’s an upside.

[@vintagewatchhunter]

Everything you're saying describes my mind perfectly, even knowledge of photos and creation of "memories" from them. Crazy. I also think SDAM allows the brain to unlock aspects of its power that others have difficulty engaging. Funny story: I was a groomsman at a friend's wedding and spent the night with a little anxiety that they would ask me to tell a story about our relationship. Luckily they didn't ask because I couldn't recall anything we ever did together. Kinda sad, but funny.

[@i.am.mindblind]

I just found out recently I was in a friends wedding. But I have no memory of being there, much less being a bridesmaid. I'm still going, are you sure??

[@vintagewatchhunter]

@@i.am.mindblind Am I sure of what? Not sure I understand what you're referring to.

[@Kalense]

Excellent description, I really liked the way you expressed these puzzling aspects of our inner experience.

[@Kalense]

I recently wrote, I have always been intimidated by court cases. Sometimes I would read in the newspaper (and, much later, watch a video) about someone testifying to something that they had witnessed a year before, or half a decade ago, or maybe even more. They could answer the lawyer’s questions. It was expected of them. Q. Do you recall seeing something on May 14th 1989? A. Yes. Q. What did you see? A. I saw someone with a bobble cap coming out of a jeweller’s shop. Q. Why was that remarkable? A. It was a Sunday. How was something like that remotely possible? I knew with absolute certainty that if ever I were in that situation, I would only be able to say, I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything that happened in 1989. Oh, wait. Isn’t that the year the Berlin Wall came down? I have a boardgame called 1989 that’s about the events leading up to the fall of the Wall, so it must be. Most people don’t remember all that much about things that happened to them a long time ago. It is perfectly normal that memories dissolve, become partial, indistinct and uncertain over time, and that bits of scripted memory survive a little better than bits that have not been retold. Psychologists distinguish between various kinds of memory. Sensory memory lets you know what apples taste like, or causes a particular smell to evoke a place or time, or makes an armchair feel familiar. Procedural memory reminds you how to peel an onion or type an email. Semantic memory allows you to remember facts, languages, your date of birth, and what Schrödinger knew about cats. Episodic or anecdotal memory concerns events - what happened, when and where and with whom, and the sensations and emotions the events provoked. Part of your memory concerns your life story. Psychologists call this your autobiographical memory. Autobiographical memory includes semantic memories that give context to your personal history. “I went to primary school in Lusaka”, “Astrid was one of my colleagues” and “I have visited Paris many times” are all semantic autobiographical memories, while “Nairobi is the capital of Kenya” is semantic but not autobiographical. Autobiographical memory also consists, importantly, of episodic memories, or memories of particular events (the story of a vacation, a first meeting, or the details of who said what in a quarrel). A tiny proportion of the population has hyperthymesia (from the Greek θύμηση, memory), or highly superior autobiographical memory. These people have exceptionally complete episodic memories, and would not only be able to answer all the questions that the imaginary lawyer put to them, but could probably tell you what the weather was like on May 14th 2009, who came to dinner that day, and what they were wearing. Some autistic savants retain remarkable volumes of information about certain topics; hyperthymesiacs retain remarkable volumes of information about their own lives. By contrast, a slightly larger but still very small proportion of the population has remarkably poor episodic memories, and can’t tell you what they did, or what happened to them, at all, not just on a given day, but almost ever. This isn’t dissociative amnesia. What has blotted out their entire life is not the consequence of some trauma, but the way their brains are constructed. You probably have dozens of anecdotes - that is, episodic memories - involving, let’s say for the sake of example, one or other of your parents. You might experiment by calling a few to mind. Now imagine the dial on the brightness of your episodic memories of your mother or father is set at 10 (or 11, if you remember what clothes you wore on May 14th 1989). Imagine you could turn it down. As the dial goes past 8, then 7, fainter memories disappear, then at 4 some of the more robust memories fade into darkness. As the dial approaches 0 all that is left are a few haphazard memories seen faintly and indistinctly in the deepening gloom, perhaps surviving because they are among the more emotionally charged of the original set. What remains of those dozens of anecdotes of your parents is two or three half-erased scribbles scattered among other similarly depleted and rare scratchings relating to other episodes. And in fact, most of those scribbles tend to relate to context rather than events; remnants of semantic memory filling the gap left by erased episodic memories. Your dial is now set at “severely deficient autobiographical memory”. Unfortunately, instead of calling it athymesia, the people who first examined people with this deficiency just called it SDAM (apparently pronounced ESS DAMN: minute 27:09 tinyurl.com/4ehv5krw). People with athymesia, or SDAM, sometimes have good memories for fact, sometimes bad, but the film of their own lives is missing. Their ability to pass exams, or remember places, directions, facts, concepts and languages is good or bad, just like most other people; in other words, their semantic memory is normal. But unlike most people, they lack, specifically, the memory of episodes or events. They cannot recall their own lives except by inferring or guessing what must have happened. They can't remember going camping; they know they changed schools but have no memory of those changes. They know they visited Peru, and may possibly have some fleeting semantic memory of their visit, perhaps bolstered by photos taken during the visit. They can't remember anything about their birthday parties. Other people know more about their past than they do. I’m one of that tribe. The people with severely deficient autobiographical memories, they’re my people.

[@i.am.mindblind]

Incredibly written. Thank you for sharing. I also would wonder about court cases and because of having Aphantasia how police sketch artists work. I would not be a reliable witness. It's one reason I am glad there's a word for it. If it came to pass I needed to be a witness, I can say I have Aphantasia and SDAM and cannot be reliable, not because I don't want to, but because my brain doesn't remember. Also for both conditions I read about them for a couple years before hearing anyone pronounce them. So I made up ah-fant-Asia and just saying the letters of SDAM. I'm not trying to correct to a long A sound for aphantasia but I do not like ess-dam. I should at least attempt changing, but my autistic brain is resisting! (Autistic people tend to not like change.) Lol.

[@Nathic13]

Honestly so glad you exist and talk about this! I have AuADHD, almost full Aphantasia in all 5 senses, and always had a very bad memory. Thank you for finally putting a name on it ❤ Some examples that make it pretty obvious: - my therapist told me to write down the conclusions I come to as apparently, I came to the same one 3 separate times and didn't remember - my friends know my biography better than myself. I'll talk to a friend about something happening, she'll say "oh wow, you really changed a lot, a year ago you would have reacted in way XYZ and felt like XYZ" and my reaction is always "oh really??? I didn't remember" 😅 In a way it sucks to not remember bcs you're always in the "now" and know that past experiences are gone forever (whereas a lot of ppl can still relive nice memories). But on the flipside, I'll second someone else's comment that it makes dealing with trauma much "easier" in a way, since it's stored as factual knowledge of the event, without all the emotional/physical memories resurfacing all the time.

[@i.am.mindblind]

Oh I relate so much to coming to the same conclusion about an event over and over and not remembering it but other people do.

[@biaberg3448]

I have this for sure. Most of my past is in a fog with glimpses of memories. My mum was shocked some years ago when I couldn’t remember that I as a young teen used the sewing machine and the needle went through my finger. She couldn’t believe that I didn’t remember such an event. But I don’t. At work I have been taking notes and logging like a maniac, but later I forgot that I had the notes. I’ve had to stop working, too exhausted. Realized recently that I have autism, ADHD, DPA and now SDAM. That enough! There’s no room in me for more diagnosis. 😅 SDAM explain why I don’t think about people when I don’t see them. That’s why I don’t keep in touch with friends. I just forget them. It’s shameful, but at least now I have a name for it and an explanation. Thanks a lot Amanda for sharing.

[@i.am.mindblind]

Yeah, I've been told I've done things that it seems most people would remember but I have no memory of. Or even events I see myself in the photo but have no memory of being there. It's really time disconcerting. I've learned to remove shame from it because I've accepted it's how my brain is built and it's out of my control.

[@alanholloway7984]

I'm pretty postive i have SDAM! been enjoying your videos on it. I find the main thing that bothers me about it is it feels very isolating since people use memories to connect.

[@i.am.mindblind]

I agree. I talk more about that in my video on 9/11. It's a sensitive topic but it's an example of a collective shared memory that I can't really participate in.

[@sori6196]

yes to this! I realized the main reason I can't connect to others is cuz no thoughts are triggered in my brain from cues that come up, which is the natural way for convo to flow

[@GailStory-ct4zv]

Hi, I really appreciate and can 100% relate to your experiences with SDAM. I have had numerous people state that they could not understand why I could not remember something and then say that I should remember such and such... well, nope, nothing, notta - nothing there - just blackness! And literally, all my childhood and younger adult life are a void; I can recall some of the more substantial events in an informational context (by that, I know that I went to a friend's baby shower but that is about all I can tell you). After watching your other videos and doing my own research, I found that I am one of ~26% that have Total Aphantasia (Current estimates are that ~26% of aphantasics experience multisensory, or “total Aphantasia).

[@i.am.mindblind]

Oh cool, I haven't heard a more recent statistic about how many of us are multisensory aphants. I did recently read that about 51% of people with SDAM have Aphantasia too. Or maybe that was swapped. I need to relook it up! Lol. It's frustrating not to remember and frustrating it hurts people's feelings we can't remember, but I am thankful there's a name for it.

[@Miz_legrand]

I’m pretty sure I have this along with SDAM and anthatasia, i thought everyone was like this until recently. For any memories that I do hold they tend to almost be dark brown/blurry but I see it from a 3rd person perspective like I’m floating above it, it’s really hard to describe. The only time I am able to see images etc vividly is when I’m asleep through dreams, but they would never be recalled memories from the past.

[@MyFisher2010]

You explained it well and thats how i understand it for me to it makes triggers hard to pin down because i can have a memory flashback nightmare but because there is no image for it i feel it and then i dont know what its for or whats caused it ...

[@i.am.mindblind]

Do you ever have imagery when dreaming? I don't often but the only time I have images in my mind is on a rare dream. But I can see how sdam makes it hard to figure out triggers.

[@freshprismbreak1117]

An issue that I come across often when talking with someone about my bad memory is that 1. paradoxically due to my SDAM I am super bad at explaining things, esp when I haven't actively researched the topic. This, along with quick judgement, leads to people trying to tell me that it's normal to have bad memory and that's probably nothing, which is super frustrating. Next time this comes up though I promised myself to tell them to google it themselves or that we do so together :,)

[@i.am.mindblind]

I 100% understand that frustration of people telling you that "everyone has memory issues." It's so hard to explain SDAM. I hope my videos help you and anyone else you come across. Knowing of course that all our experiences won't be exactly the same.

[@nespith]

My explanation is always “I remember everything in the same way you remember 2+2=4, you just know the answer.”

[@i.am.mindblind]

Totally tracks. 😁

[@1997Jeep]

2+2=4 I like that. I usually say "either I understand it, or I can't remember it."

[@she__khinah]

It took me 25 years to realize that "imagining things in your minds eye" and "reliving past events" isn't just a metaphor. I''ve also got ADHD and autism. It feels like a lot of neurodivergent conditions often come up together? Although I remember having had one dream that was visual, but I can't remember what exactly it was.

[@apolo1111]

I think I have this! 😮

[@carolinadodds5256]

When I first heard you talking about SDAM I didn’t pay much attention but when I heard you describing it I was surprised to relate to the fact I only relived my memory on 3rd person ? What’s funny is that I do have hyper vivid images when I imagine things, do you think that is possible? Have SDAM and hyperfantasia?

[@i.am.mindblind]

SDAM and aphantasia are often associated but I know some people with SDAM and can visualize, so I wouldn't put it past the brain to do hypervisualization and SDAM. My memories are just like an emotionally devoid grocery list of facts.

[@CatherineCarlson-dw2qs]

My son has this and no one believed this was an issue. Thank you for sharing this stuff I was so scared because I didnt know what was going on, does he have dementia. Doctors wouldnt take me seriously. Thank you for your channel. How do we get a diagnoses

[@i.am.mindblind]

SDAM is still being researched and unfortunately many doctors haven't even heard of it. It's not in diagnostic manuals yet. I just did a lot of research myself. I'm medically diagnosed Autistic & ADHD but since aphantasia and SDAM aren't in medical books those are self diagnoses. There is a Facebook group that's also been fairly helpful connecting with other people with SDAM.

[@CatherineCarlson-dw2qs]

Thank you so much. I feel better ti know that it doesnt his health and life expectancy. It was always a concern. So fearful thinking he had Alzheimers

[@geraldinejordan2691]

Thanks for this, I suspect that a close family member has S.D.A.M 😂 from what you have been saying here and in another episode, I think that I have hyper aphantasia. Interesting as the two ends of the spectrum also exist in your family with you and your sister. Thank you so much fot this.

[@felixmc_mua]

I'm 17 and have only just been able to see a psychologist who is helping me work out my memory problems and this video has really helped in my research about SDAM. Memories are really important to me and I really really hope the answer to my bad memory isn't SDAM (as much as it seems like it probably is.) My only question is do all people with SDAM also have Aphantasia? I know that I definitely don't have it, I can visualise things easily, just not when it comes to memories. I seem to have all the symptoms of SDAM except for Aphantasia :/

[@i.am.mindblind]

Nope, Aphantasia is common with people with SDAM, but they are plenty of people who can visualize and still have SDAM. I hope you find answers. I know even as young as 17 I was wondering what was wrong with my memory but no one took me seriously. But when I was 17 SDAM hadn't even been discovered as a thing yet. It is still being researched and isn't in any diagnostic manuals, but at least there's research papers out on it.

[@felixmc_mua]

@@i.am.mindblind Well that's honestly not the answer I was hoping for haha. I appreciate you taking the time to respond though :) Have a great day!

[@marthamurphy3913]

Your videos are fascinating. When people use a pic of their dog as their profile picture, is that the way you think of them? That's funny to think about. Now you DO have language / words to describe some of those brain things (semantic, procedural, etc.). One of the books I read on teaching and learning was really hard to read, because everything was three or four word phrases (like "severely deficient autobiographical memory") instead of single nouns, because the writer was one of the pioneer scientists in studying the brain. Do you take more photos or videos than the average person to help fill in? Especially of your kids?

[@i.am.mindblind]

I do take a lot of photos but probably not more than average. I don't take many videos. Neither photos or video trigger a memory other than the semantic knowledge or cognitive knowledge that it's me or my kids in the photo/video. I won't remember anything else. I've looked back on a video of my kids twirling singing and it's cute and I know it's my kids but I don't have any actual memories of them at that age and watching the video feels like watching someone else's kids which is incredibly sad.

[@chibinyra]

Well, this video may have helped me join that 2%... It is hard to know what you don't know I was kinda wondering, what with the Aphantasia, and learning that I'm also "out of norm" for not having any of the other senses (sounds, smell, taste, feels) but I do have an inner monologue that never shuts up... thanks ADHD for fueling that one Memory is my inner monologue as if it is relaying notes taken in class and they come back as if my inner monologue is speaking through a deep cave. Normal Memory is a First Person experience? Like a Video Game? I am flabberghasted! If I didn't "take notes" it isn't remembered. I can't "think harder" and remember the colour of the car if I didn't care enough at the time to "write down" the colour of the car. Essentially, my memory is college notes in audio book form.

[@i.am.mindblind]

Yes, it sounds like you may have SDAM. Definitely watch other people's videos, join a FB group and read articles on it to see if the variety of people's experience matches your own. Everyone with SDAM right now is self diagnosed, because it's not in the DSM as it's still being studied. But knowing this is how my brain works has been so helpful for me.

[@chibinyra]

Thank you =o)

[@singingmenno553]

I need to look more into SDAM-especially SDAM without aphantasia-after this video. Memory around events has been very spotty for me as long as I can remember. Once I learned about C-PTSD as an adult, I figured that must be what was going on, as I did experience a lot of trauma as a kid. And then as an adult, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, so figured it was the "fibro fog." But now I wonder if something else could be going on. I definitely don't have aphantasia, but my memories are few and far between, and tend to be Big Moments, and only last for a few seconds, like I see a mini clip. But my sister and dad remember minute details and long scenes from years ago, and then I struggle to recall even short clips from last week. I'm not sure it fits, but it feels like something to look into (assuming I remember when it is not bedtime).

[@singingmenno553]

Or I'll have a short clip memory of (for example) "being at a historic village." But I have no clue how old I was, where it was, or if it was the same or a different place/time as another short clip. And I don't remember what was happening, just like, a blip of a building. And I know factually that I have been to a few of those places. But I don't remember many stories or experiences, just brief visuals of a place.

[@i.am.mindblind]

Do you experience the memories in first person? Most people with SDAM that can visualize say they experience what memory they do have in third person. SDAM isn't caused by trauma, but someone with trauma could have SDAM.

[@KM-pm6qe]

@@i.am.mindblind the whole time I was watching this, I was thinking about how most of my memories are like photographs, just a snapshot, and rarely from my own point of view. Or, as you described, actual real photos (that I remember) often stand in for memories.

[@KM-pm6qe]

@@i.am.mindblind and how a lot of what I “remember” I have really reconstructed or inferred from other things I know.

[@sori6196]

is there anyone currently doing research on this at a university? would love to find more info

[@i.am.mindblind]

It is being researched, I not sure where. I've seen on the Facebook message board psychology students posting questionnaires. The main research is in Canada by Brian Levine.

[@Val__609]

So weird. I do the same thing. When I try to remember what someone looks like I think of a picture that actually exists because I can’t see their face. But I can remember, not see, the photo.

[@i.am.mindblind]

Such a strange phenomenon, right?

[@anettehirscher4355]

I‘m 33, got my adhd/aspergers diagnosis a few years ago. I think I might have SDAM. Or at least some things you have said sounded quite familiar. But now I‘m wondering what to do with that realization. 🤔 can you recommend websites or books to read more about it? Thanks in advance.

[@i.am.mindblind]

Unfortunately SDAM is still being researched there's some articles available on Google but not too much info yet. I'm in a Facebook group about SDAM which helps to talk to people about it.

[@anettehirscher4355]

Thanks so much. :) I think I will check from time to time if there is new information available. Really interesting.

[@shadow-wulf]

im in my 50s. I saw a picture a little while back of me at 16 at an important event, i was with several of my fave friends. I can list the friends, as soon as i try to picture them the picture goes black in my mind. the only thing I can tell you from that event is that it was really cold for that time of the year, and I know this because thats the same thing I've told people about it over the last 30 years, i can't imagine anything else from that except that we sat at a certain area, and that we lined up in the cold. but i can't see myself in those memories, i have no particular feelings around it, though I should. Does this sound like SDAM or is it just my Aphantasia?

[@i.am.mindblind]

It does sound like SDAM.

[@shadow-wulf]

Im in the same boat as you. Most stories have been told since I was a teen. I can list about 6 or 7 friends from all my years in school, if course I can't picture them at all though.

[@kathrinm2420]

I don't even know what a first person perspective memory should be XD I do have aphantasia and ASS and ADHD but I do have very good longterm memory, just not first pirson, I guess

[@jpopelish]

I am wondering how you learn something totally arbitrary, like someone's phone number. If I need to quickly learn a phone number, it helps if I can see it written down, especially if it is hand written, instead of printed in a font. I can find little details of the way the digits are written that helps me picture that string of numbers, later. If I want to be sure I can remember the number, I will turn the mental sound of my voice singing the digits, in some little melody, and actually singing that song, out loud really makes it stick. But you not having visual or auditory replay, I am left wondering what tricks you use to commit a phone number to memory.

[@i.am.mindblind]

It takes me a long time to memorize a number. I don't even bother with most phone numbers anymore since I just have my cell phone on me. When I had to memorize my newest house and zip codes I repeated it over and over and still would double check I was correct for months before I was confident I had it down. Even still I will worry I'm switching two numbers on occasion. I can memorize chants, I don't hear them in my head but saying them outloud over and over somehow they stick. It takes me longer, but I can do it. So growing up, mom would have me chant numbers I needed to memorize.

[@jpopelish]

@@i.am.mindblind That sounds a lot like using muscle memory to memorize numbers.

[@i.am.mindblind]

Probably. Muscle memory is one way my memory is stronger than other areas.

[@vlee3880]

Hey, I’d love to learn together! I have been learning more about my own non-standard-issue brain the past few years, and we have a LOT in common. Including a close person who is on the other end of the spectrums! I have a back ground in mental health care and research, so I am really interested in learning more and finding ways to put words to experiences that are not objective, nor even imaginary - for the imagery of imagination is missing…. It would be fun to have a space to share notes, ideas, experiences… an actual learning community [that’s super respectful]. I’d love to hear if there are folks who might want to make a learning community around this :)

[@i.am.mindblind]

Are you on Instagram? You can send me a DM on my Instagram account @i.am.mindblind there too.

[@dianathomas2674]

2-4%? That's quite a lot of people, about one in every school class. Sounds hard to get this diagnosis. I would think most psychologists would look for psychological reasons for memory issues when it comes to personal experiences.

[@i.am.mindblind]

SDAM is still being researched so anyone who has it is self identified. There are other disorders that involve memory loss and I don't fit those. I have talked to a therapist, psychologist and psychatrist not to mention my regular doctor. As far as researchers can tell so far people with SDAM brains are just firing differently with memory.

[@angelac5199]

Is there anyway we can talk? Your story is almost exactly the same as mine. I would love to talk with you.

[@i.am.mindblind]

You can reach out to me on Instagram messages same user name.

[@KM-pm6qe]

I accidentally watched this already hours past my bedtime, and now I’m going to be up for hours longer realizing “…so that’s why I [x…and y… and z]…”

[@i.am.mindblind]

Oops. Well, hope it helped! 🤔😁

[@kathrinm2420]

omg, I thought everyone has memories as photos .... woops