See What You Made Me Do - Power, Control and Domestic Abuse

[@Ishtanara]

A friend of the family had a husband who admitted to his violence and coercive control. Admitted that his wife had no blame and started therapy. Friends and family were very supportive of him because he was willing to admit his problems reconciliation with his wife was supported by the therapist and family and friends. 2 1/2 months later he killed her.

[@scienceofpsychotherapy]

That is so tragic, so sad. Thank you for sharing Inaara.

[@chenal7445]

I literally gasped at the end of this comment 😩😩😢😊

[@SocialJusticeAwarness]

That's FEMICIDE I didnot think that kinda ended was coming. Was he an addict? or "just a misogynist psycho? I'm so sorry for your friend, I had an aquaintance who got murdered by her bf too. I only knew her, but he killed at least 3 other women. I knew the guy too (SCARY CRINGE) OH this is so unfair, most femicides are committed by men who were bfs, husbands or exes... in mexico over 15 women are murdered by femicide DAILY (apart from the homicides) MACHISMO AND PATRIARCHY ARE A WAR AGAINST WOMEN, historically and contemporarily. I've been told this you made me do it so many times, and ppl look at women with despise "for staying" and rarely confront then men for being violent. Bystanders (they call them). Everybody near should be stoping all this hatee crimes against women but most ppl cant t bother to care about anything but themselves.

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Oh wow. That is some very deeply evil behavior. I do often wonder about the spiritual aspects of abuse, of abusers, and of their targets.

[@sarahmc4055]

I feel your pain of life 😢 so sad for all involved

[@Ray67896]

25 years I stayed. I left with nothing but my clothes and six kids. He never spoke to me again.

[@HarmonyVanEaton]

This is such a common pathway for women. If anything, it is THE experience of motherhood for women.

[@HarmonyVanEaton]

The pregnancy flip is exactly what happened to me. It was at 14 weeks (we had just stated announcing it). Lost that pregnancy right around the time of that first sudden rage/terror. Felt too ashamed and invested to kick him out, and I really believed he was the person I thought I saw in public. Now it’s my life mission to help women and children. Oh, and every abusive perpetrators or abusive family system refuses to believe their child has any special needs, diagnosis, or medical issues. That’s textbook. I also started to consider myself expendable. Just wanted to keep the kids alive and as innocent as possible. That became the only goal or care. What choice does a mother have in these systems? So another generation of trauma.

[@courtneyawalsh]

In the US: predators & abusers are the most protected class. By cops, the injustice system…and by each other. Women & children? Not SO much.

[@richhillgemma]

This is one of the terrible things, but also one of the most astounding things. Why do we protect some and not others? And why are women and children so expendable? The US has its own very difficult story of violence both in the home and in public. We must talk about it and talk loudly. Thanks for adding your thoughts here.

[@HarmonyVanEaton]

The pregnancy flip is exactly what happened to me. It was at 14 weeks (we had just started announcing it). Lost that pregnancy right around the time of that first sudden rage/terror. Felt too ashamed and invested to kick him out, and I really believed he was the person I thought I saw in public. Now it’s my life mission to help women and children. Oh, and every abusive perpetrators or abusive family system refuses to believe their child has any special needs, diagnosis, or medical issues. That’s textbook.

[@courtneyawalsh]

Incredibly helpful. Thank you all. 🙏🏼

[@SusanneGervayauthor]

Jess's book deserved to win the Stella!!!!!!!!

[@renatajd7758]

I was so sick when I was a kid. I was coughing uncomfortable. My father screemed from ky room where he went to sleep that he would stab my eyeball with a fork. Holy shit. Where that came from. I went to lay down in the kitchen floor coughing. My mother who was sleeping with me in the bedroom didnt come to hug me. How that is even possible?

[@richhillgemma]

Doing something extraordinary is an amazing thing and to see one of your children doing it makes it even more amazing. Interviewing Jess was a highlight of my life :)

[@vanessam9389]

Spot on , absolutely true and ghe systems do not work ! Holy!!! Frontline lotteries a term i heard in another show and its so true.

[@trevorwest3457]

Great to see shame and intimacy issues brought into the conversation on coercive control; this is key. Our own bias gets in the way of prevention, would love to see these blind spots exposed so that these ideas on coercive control can be put into practical solutions. Not sure how though, as technology and culture changes so fast we have to do this from unstable ground: Gender roles and identity issues in particular are very unstable, power and control issues change with them. I think this focus on shame and intimacy is the right path to solutions though, so long as they are flexible enough to change as we do. We risk doing more harm than good if we act from obsolete models and a traditional role bias. Working with young men in particular I see how their behaviour changes after certain weekends when they go out to socialise, it's a constant battle to get them back to their best selves. Not all of this battle is age old or intrinsic to young men, some of it is very new and we have no idea what kind of relationships these men will end up getting into over the long term.

[@scienceofpsychotherapy]

Thanks for your thoughts Trevor

[@silkeherwald9717]

Fabulous! Such a great and insightful conversation. As a therapist I learnt so much from this... Highly recommended!

[@thewayneflyinghigh9128]

What did you learn from this?

[@maurafenlon8071]

What do you say about somebody who is an abuser (my adoptive father) who never apologized. Never. There was no honeymoon.. There was just daily terror.

[@nicolebrown1927]

They spittin straight FAAAACTZ!100%

[@courtneyawalsh]

Demonic phenom.

[@ivadedeva7005]

AND TO ADD THAT THE VICTIMS GET REWARDED FOR FIXING IT!!!!!

[@courtneyawalsh]

Maybe Joe & Vladimir should watch this? They need couples counseling. Cold War trope is old. Time to squash the beef, fellas!

[@lynnlytton8244]

Get lost. The guy in a relationship with Putin is Don the Con. Any beef buried will mean invasion in Europe, and you're aware of it, Comrade. Take your state sponsored gaslighting elsewhere. I'm guessing they sent all the smart trolls to the front line?

[@chrissiebabe234]

Great conversation, really educative and nailing it.

[@thewayneflyinghigh9128]

How did this nail it?.