Self Love after Narcissistic abuse is IMPOSSIBLE until...

[@narcabusecoach]

Here is the link to all my best resources: beacons.ai/narcabusecoach/

[@MichaelPiz]

This video will be very helpful to me. It addresses one of my most important problems. Beyond the fundamental instinct to remain alive, I can't honestly say that I care about myself at all. Thank you for posting this.

[@sabrinasetzler689]

This has been so eye-opening! Thank you❤

[@croe72]

The book "All about Love" by Bell Hooks helped me understand I wasn't loved as a child, so I have accepted abuse as love. This entire understanding completely changed my path to healing!

[@norcal1009]

I also recommend 'The Road Less Traveled' by Scott Peck. This book helped me transcend the grips of reality when I was only a teenager. It's time for a re-read. 💞

[@mamabear71234]

I recommend you read People of the Lie. After I listened to it on KZbin, I decided that I'm going to be good no matter what because I know what evil looks like and I want no part of it. When you don't have any support, you have to accept that G-d's love is enough.

[@norcal1009]

@shutup8924 hi! Yes, I have read this second amazing book by Peck. It was disturbing, to say the least. I still recall the birthday example he illustrates, as it gave me insight. Of course, I never thought it would happen to me. To be secretly hated is very hard to live with.

[@mamabear71234]

@@norcal1009 yeah. The birthday incident was very disturbing. I remember my Dad telling my brother it was his fault that my other 2 brothers got hit by a truck when they were walking home from a friend's house. My brother was 13 at the time. He's now 38 and still suffers suicidal thoughts despite many years of counseling. I see my parents were very evil. I always knew they weren't good despite their manipulation. My dad passed a couple of years ago, but my mom is still around. She manipulates everyone and pretends she's a Christian. She loves the Bible verse that says honor your parents. I told her honor is earned. I use to be a Christian until I learned the truth about Christianity. It's not like Judaism. The new testament was written by the Catholic church and the old testament has been twisted. Narcissists love Christians because they are easy to abuse. They are just told to forgive the sinner. I was finally able to cut ties with the Narcissist in my life when I was set free with the truth.

[@mamabear71234]

it's actually the christmas incident where Bobby's parents gave him the gun his brother used to commit suicide that i'm referring to. Pure evil. cutting off evil people in your life is self love. you don't need anyone that is like that. @@norcal1009

[@reginabasson4475]

Brilliant ❤ Thank you ❤ Now I understood why I can not self sooth and that self love works as a temporary "routine" and then collapses, and I'm on "repeat", pause, stop, depressed, drained, go, stuck, stop, repeat, overwhelmed, drained, exhausted. I can't self sooth because I've never been comforted, nurtured or soothed as a child. And there is childhood abuse and neglect along with my adult relationships with narcastic people. Co regulate with SAFE people. That's why at 52 years old I am still trying to hide or find my "safe corner or cupboard" to hide or run away to. Then I collapse as a child, crying and sobbing.... Needing the warmth and comfort but never finding it, and have chosen partners that are emotionally unavailable and who have drained and exhausted me to the point of my own demise.

[@angelakeely5859]

That's why animals are so great, they give you the unconditional love you need and missed out on, and I think they help you to love yourself over time ❤

[@vickileverton2732]

Same here at 61 years old.

[@heyoldman2003]

Amen.. i have always hsd a dog and cat ever since i moved out of the folks place .. yes , they give unconditional love . and boy did/do i need it

[@isabelolsson1890]

In the name of God, you will get better, I am 66 years old and have the same situation as you, 4 years ago, I chose me and moved to another continent and left everyone behind and I am making a new beginning, new life, new friends and a am happy and alive, because if I had stayed I would be dead to day. Get strong 💪 ❤.

[@rahasovereign9510]

Yes me too! This most recent bout with a narcissist boyfriend threw me for a loop bc even though I did all the buy clothes, go on vacation, go out and do things to have fun stuff, it’s all pretty much fallen flat as a pancake. Now I get why.

[@Eyeknowbetternow]

Self-love is removing yourself and your children as soon as possible from that toxic environment. And soon as you do . Demonstrate to your self and children that this what true love is . Peace not chaos. Discipline not abuse. So the mind can rewire itself from that trauma , recognize the difference and heal. ❤

[@writeousone8749]

Perfectly stated, on point and important. Thank you💖

[@Eyeknowbetternow]

@@writeousone8749 No thank you Danish . You have made me face my reality. And finally I have broken that chain after 20 year toxic ,narcissistic ,hellish relationship. I have let the healing begin. ❤️ Bless you.

[@vaska1999]

That's self-care and care and love for your children. Self-love is another term for narcissism.

[@ericb8413]

This was really deep. Thank you for explaining why I couldn’t accomplish the whole “self love” thing. Now I know it has to do with being loved by others and feeling safe. And believing on a core level that I am worth being cared for. Worth being loved. Thank you Danish. I think I had a breakthrough with this video ❤

[@hollyduggan8139]

I didn't know what unconditional love or self love meant until I had children. I didn't have to be or look a certain way to have attention, just being their mum was more than enough reason for them to love me. They have been my greatest healing helpers.

[@sunbeam9222]

And likewise they didn't have to look or behave a certain way for you to feel your heart filled with love when you look at them. You know their every quirks, you understand their every reasoning. You know they're made of gold. You trust them. We're so attuned to our children that it is easy to love them unconditionally. The love potential is within us already tho, they just allow us an easier access to it. They're sure gifts of life.

[@emmamason9054]

awwwwe

[@vaska1999]

Yes, babies and small children give us unalloyed narcissistic gratification such as no adult can ever match. It's also the reason so many young women today choose to have children out of wedlock.

[@tulip811]

? Some women don't feel love towards their children after birth. They have to force themselves. They say it's about hormones, but I believe they just got pregnant by "accident".

[@user-o6ue45hz8nr2ap]

​@@tulip811my narc "mother" never loved me

[@amberfuchs398]

Another great video, Danish! Relational healing can be hard if youre trapped in a toxic system. Finding safe people to connect with seems to be an obstacle.

[@margolane3361]

My husband and I are each other's safe, loving supportive person for regulation. I grew up in an isolated doomsday cult with an alcoholic father and he had a drug addicted father with his own emotional issues. We are finally starting to let up on the self-hate and letting ourselves feel happiness and joy. It's hard some days still though...

[@ND-or5so]

Ok, no narc abuse?

[@melindagandaria5083]

GOD bless you all always!!! 🙏🙏

[@margolane3361]

Both our fathers and mothers are narcs and "they're never wrong, they're great parents and we were just difficult children."

[@kamiwellman8056]

My first husband abused me and he got killed when I was 25 and I'm with someone I love and he didn't have a good childhood so we both could use some help 🙏

[@norcal1009]

This is a very good topic. When my ex told me, 'go kill yourself', I realized I had to rediscover love. It has been a long journey and I survive by staying in control of my emotions and thoughts, while allowing for discrepancies that come natural in narcissistic abuse recovery.

[@MS-yf9dw]

My wife told me to "Go to the cemetery, dig up your mother's grave, and hug her!" She shouted this at me, when I wanted some affection from her. I said to her "hug me", and this was her reply... It made me realize, that there is something wrong with her (with my wife). And that she doesn't love me. There were signs before, but I didn't know how to interprate them. But this statement, it said it all! I understood than, that she doesn't care for me, doesn't love me... doesn't even like me... Because how else can you explain what she said? The strange thing is, we were not fighting at the time. It came out of the blue! I wanted to buy a new mattress, our old mattress destroyed by our kids jumping on it. I wanted to take care of her, have her rest at night on a comfortable bed, I thought she will be happy... This was unexpected. I mean, how can you say such a thing to a person you hold dear? And for no reason at all! At the time, I didn't know about narcissism. But I knew, there is something wrong with her. That this is not normal behavior. I thought, perhaps, autism? But the more I learned about it, the things people talked about, just didn't fit my wife. Bipolar, no... And than someone mentioned narcissism, and it matched perfectly!

[@norcal1009]

@MS-yf9dw Those are ugly words, and it's surprising how easy it is for them to say them out of nowhere. When I was in a support group following narcissistic abuse, I would cry, sob even when I heard these things from others. The empathy I felt, like I do reading your comment, is unreal. This tells me that I'm not the narcissist and my life has moved forward. As yourself, it took awhile for me to know my ex was a narcissist. It's good for me to meet people here who have been through SO MUCH, and my heart goes out to you, and I wish you the best in your recovery. 💞 😢

[@ND-or5so]

@norcal1009: BTW, a person who says that, really does hate you.

[@norcal1009]

@ND-or5so I agree. I would never want to be in the same room again with that mean, disingenuous, and cruel person.

[@sabrinasetzler689]

❤❤❤

[@nicolatorbayuk6778]

WoW .. how Fascinating! Stuck with PTSD from relational trauma and the fix is to visit that place within and re-do with a safe person holding space .. so precious 💕

[@sharonjones7138]

When I realized I needed to celebrate and begin to live my authentic self, it caused me to pause. Because, I didn’t know who that person was. Literally had to journal asking myself questions then answering them so I could go back and review. Sad……but it proved to be therapeutic. As I listed my “good not so good”, I realized how hard I am on myself. Most of the crap, was the tape of both my parents (narcissistic mother, abusive father who was her enabler) shouting in my ears. I needed to chill, be realistic and determine who the real me is. Once I did that, I was able to live her…she….me…the lovely talented lady that I am ☺️😊. Thank you for your videos. They’re extremely helpful 💙👍🏽

[@kat9731]

This is quite the lightbulb moment for me. Very powerful moment in my healing process. I could never grasp "self love". It always seemed to elude me. Now I understand it and will keep moving forward. May God bless you and continue growing and touching other people's lives through your work. ❤

[@tjthrillajaw]

Ok I recently wrote that your "one symptom that guarantees it's narcissistic abuse" was the most important video, but THIS is now the most important one 😂 Wow! You are a life saver Danish, seriously. Love you so much man, you don't even know. Those of us really in the depths of hell who have lost faith in the system and have no money for other resources are kept alive and given a chance by people like you. You give what we never got. Thank you again. ❤❤

[@christophervishy8273]

I am so grateful to have watched this video, this explains my 3 year depression and how I got better from the most fucked up source - I had that safe person, but the relationship turned very toxic. However, throughout the time we were together, I was able to ground myself and actually rediscover who I am and what I stand for. The effect was a physical one too, my physical symptoms of anxiety and self hate have subsided. I now feel like my inner self has more resilience against past abusers, thank you so very much , Danish!

[@TheEnd-l8e]

He probably seen that in you as well.

[@sweetbee2174]

When feeling down I convince myself that am the one that got away and grateful to have a new lease of life

[@flowerbomb188]

This was a very emotional subject. Especially, when a Narc set you up to marry another Narc.

[@michignamymichigan]

I don't remember what they called it back then. I was wondering how to self support as a kid. Of course, any ideas I had to help myself be healthy were shot down.

[@CharukesiArunraj]

Very very sensible and validating sir !!! Many times I have this question.. 😢😢😢 now got the answer !!! My therapist says u need nobody to love my self.. but it makes me feel shattered again !!! Now I feel CONFIDENT 🎉

[@fallon7616]

I too, hate the term " Self Love" New Subscription. Learning from you. Married to a Narrcissict and I have a trauma bond

[@laurathomann9124]

I'm showing this to my doctor this Friday. I'm tired of being diagnosed as depressed, when I've never felt depressed, like my sisters, I saw it daily and I'm sticking up for myself, my new therapist is wonderful. DBT therapy is easy and works, to at least start to heal

[@Mick20076]

Narcissist abuse attacks your soul so you have get in contact with your soul and help will come. But it can take some time but do not give up because you will find a unbelievable LOVE

[@Healingandchoices]

Self preservation....PERFECTLY stated

[@terencehennegan1439]

Another great video Danish.

[@heatherroberson1648]

I was raised by a narcissistic parent and as an adult had no idea who i was. I spend years going to therapy saying "something is wrong with me".I found the problem myself. Thank you for your understanding, explanations and healing exercises. Im doing the work to heal. So complicated but you make it possible to heal this horrible abuse.

[@pyaripeanut]

Thank you Danish.i was raised by 2 narcs n their golden child(my elder sis) was a narc too.I was the punching bag n could never say "no", set boundaries or move on if tormented.I have never had even 1 normal n healthy relationship in life..b it anyone at home/work etc.I too get confused with wat self-love is....on my journey to find someone who can show me someday

[@spdadventurer1754]

I want this video to be run on full blast all over the world in public places. Let me tell u one thing I couldn't love myself more...but that doesn't help, it helps in identifying or self awareness and even this point of self awareness has come from like seemingly millions of years of logical thinking, sensible thinking etc. All these ways was only a bit comforting/satisfying (with nobody there to validate that yes what u r thinking is true). Coming back to self love, even after being a born loner, free spirited person, the effect of two narc parents seems to be never ending in me, the trauma is not going away after peeling millions n millions of layers of trauma and throwing them away(through several self discoveries and healing). I still think I need some kind of hypnosis or something to survive in this brutal world. World will obviously seem brutal when there was never a foundation of love through my most basic care taker that's my parents. But then I think hypnosis will erase all the harsh lessons I have learnt in my life and I will be left with nothing but lost years and physical illness given by this trauma. Yes a lot of the illness might go away after I forget the constant demonic abuse I suffered in this life.

[@JustMe-uu3bh]

Danish, at least you are helping people to recognize that Self WORTH is important as so many are waking up to the idea that it is OKAY to love yourself. Our concepts or understanding changes as we grow. At first, "self love" may seem vague, "what is that???" but it can start in the form of doing something "nice for yourself", like a bubble bath or reading if you love to read, or treating yourself to a favorite coffee drink. Yes, it may start simple because we have no idea what "loving our self" could mean. I started by at least doing something nice for myself at least once a week. This in itself was a novelty, like a homework assignment. I was so used to beating myself up that it was a luxury to spend an hour in the bathtub! Or to read! So it is not "bad" to start this way because it begins to make you think that you might be worth a little something for yourself. why? Because I never did things for ME, only did for others - so this was new for me. So sometimes we begin by starting with something "small" but then our understanding and compassion for ourselves grows. As we start to know that "it really is okay to love our self", we become more open to this concept. Somewhere along the line we accepted the idea that we "weren't worthy" or we were "guilty" or "bad" and when we do this, we started attracting punishment from the Universe because we "resonated with this feeling" which comes from within ourselves. WE ARE ENERGY. God is in us and God in us is powerful! So wherever we put our attention, this becomes our focus, and we start to draw this to ourselves. It's not a joke, it's merely understanding a spiritual law, that "what we think, we become" and "what we think about, we attract" because "thoughts are things". So, in other words, "what you put out, you get back" or.....as "ye sow, ye reap". Some people have a problem with "authority figures" so they avoid God but it is their thoughts of what "authority figures" means to them. It is not God's fault, but that we need to start to become aware of our thoughts. Danish, you always do such a good job, and thank you for what you do, because as we share, we have the opportunity to grow and you give us all that. God bless us as we continue to heal. Thank you Danish!

[@rajbilla76]

Beautifully written! 💜🕯✨

[@emmajohnson6955]

We need a group like AA ..

[@rachelhayhurst-mason7846]

I'm constantly dysregulated and have just realised I have been all my life, even though I was violently abused for years by my ex husband and (until now) thought my cptsd was because of that. My earliest memory is a situation at my 3rd birthday party that has haunted me since and I have never been the same. The way you explained the wound and the healing in this video is the most clear and understandable explanation I've ever heard for my "lack of self". I'm constantly attacked and rejected because people keep saying the same thing about self love and God's love to me, and trying to follow their advice makes me feel physically sick and intensely stressed. I think people think I'm stubborn or dumb because I just cannot make myself do the things they tell me I need to do to "get better". Danish, you truly are talented at communication and I appreciate your lessons more than I can express. Thank you 😊

[@ruthevans9827]

Its hard to find the same feeling that I got from doing for others, doing for myself

[@norcal1009]

I also ❤️ doing for others when possible. It reminds me to be humble and teaches me that not receiving in return, although difficult, is only a reminder to try again.

[@sunbeam9222]

Keep practicing then you will notice one is people pleasing and the other self care. They bring different feelings because they're two different things. You're more comfortable with one that the other. Keep bringing awareness in when you practice self care, it will become more and more pleasurable and natural and become your new comfortable state.

[@aintapuppy]

My current roommate and I have just moved into a new apartment after helping each other escape our entrapments with narcissists in our friend group that we each lived with. I’ve been aware of the narcissistic tendencies earlier and had more time to research n heal and thus am a bit further ahead in my growth than my roommate- and I’ve been working to support him in this period of finding himself and healing after his escape. I showed him this video today after giving him a genuine much needed hug and a nonjudgmental ear to engage with, and your video really seemed to encapsulate and resonate with what he (and I)was feeling n experiencing. not only resonating but also giving incredible relief and assurance and even managing to describe the type of authentic friend group we’ve been working to cultivate lately. thank you for making your videos and helping me and my friends heal n grow from those who try to blot out our light. you’re succeeding in your mission to help protect others against the same type of torture and corruption you experienced, and that’s fuckin beautiful c:

[@chrisg7795]

Dear Danish, this is such an essential knowledge to healing. There are many, many therapists out here who preach self-love and make traumatized people feel stupid and ashamed. These “therapists” and coaches haven’t studied human bonding enough. Bonding happens through mirroring. A mother acknowledges her child’s emotions by mirroring them. The child learns through her “holding” those feelings that those feelings are ok and can be resolved. If the mother is narcissistic she is unable to do so and even blames her child for having those feelings. That’s how they get suppressed which ends in depression (which is self-aggression) or aggression against others. Or in a complete shutoff and splitting of the personality > narcissistic delusion.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

Danish, thank you SO much, this is what I thought though I could not put clear words on it. Yes, this is what self-love is really about.🙏❤️

[@purelight8791]

Well said and thanks for addressing this most ambiguous and hyped word… I am beginning to understand now after 48 years but to no avail… still don’t know where to start

[@judevucovich7068]

This is healing information, Danish. I look back at my childhood to see a piece of puzzle being placed to make another picture of the why’s, and how comes in my life. Listening to you explain this self love and the lack of having it but expected to give the love you wish you had to everyone else as a fixer b/c you were brought up with that notion in order to even be loved or recognize. If you did try to learn who you were, you were put down for doing what you were expect to do or achieve, and if you tried to stretch out and learn something that would make you feel valued or self worth or even sooth the hurtful pain of rejections not just from mother/sibling/husband/friends you still got the slam down. But always had to listen to everyone else’s problems. But don’t have any of your own. You will get put down for having problems. Don’t show the hurts of neglect or put downs, you will get more abuse. Surrounded by narcissism and losing the only person who showed love to you at 7. It’s been hard but God gave me decrement, empathy for others even though I don’t find I get it back in return. Learning how to put boundaries up to respect myself to learn to love myself like you’re telling us. I just have to learn how not to be a magnet to narcissistic people. It seems I’m like a magnet. I look around and see the same people in my life that I grew up with. One of the new found boundaries is learning to love myself and this video is a confirmation God has put me on the right track listening to you Danish. Thank you. You have a very good way to teach about this and explain how to get through it all. God put you in a place where you grew and can share it so we can heal. That is love… empathic love to give to others the love that lays down one’s life for another. Agape’ Love. Thank you for giving freely. I’m a life that is being saved.

[@yvonnes7412]

Wow, yes very true! I had no clue about self-kindness until I started being around kind people. They were absolutely essential to any progress I’ve made over the past 20 years. To add some sources of relational context from my life: - the kindness of peers at my college (and living in the dorm) - the respect/bond/acceptance of fellow military members - the love of some friends and family members - also, seeing the authenticity in two of my friends and having them encourage and support my own authenticity and worth

[@7.62Vision]

A month till I'm 18 feels like 10-17 was narcissist abuse from my mom. She eventually tried to kill me so now I'm with my dad. My dad however seems very much like an egomaniac, so my trauma is triggered over and over by his personality. I'm gradually reconstructing my life but I'm afraid I won't have a close-to-full recovery until I move out. On the surface and to this side of the family I haven't been through a whole lot. Life's weird, you gotta ask what the chances of getting these cards are

[@amazingjane2703]

Go away for a week and compare how you feel

[@stacielivinthedream8510]

Love you, Danish! ❤

[@alysmarcus7747]

thankyou -- i think you have to start with self respect. i agree with 'self love' being a lazy bit of advice. Also good that you talk about the self and identity - i have DID because of the abuse so i know what you are talking about for sure . If i may say, out of my experience and i have studied as well as been in trauma therapy for many years. The other that you learn to self regulate with it's better NOT to be your partner or spouse. i have found it creates a co-dependancy in the relationship . i have done much better when possible to be with a friend who loves me unconditionally - but is not deeply involved with my troubles on a daily basis . a once a month if you can , just observing yourself in a calm non-judgmental space with someone else will tell you alot about where you are - - - and sadly sometimes, what is missing in your life. But, it is what it is

[@flowerchild89]

Thank you for sharing this video! It was so informative. 🥰👋✌️🙌💯🙏🕊️ I didn't know what love was as a child..and from then on. You bring up an interesting point, how do you self love when you don't even know what unconditional love is???

[@suriya7751]

So true. My sense of self was outside me and invested in my narc parents. It has been a long painful process to disidentify with them. No Contact is helping me heal now. Till my identity was in them, I felt so weak, powerless and deserving of abuse, deceit and manipulation. After the disconnect, the sense of boundaries have naturally set in.

[@nicolatorbayuk6778]

Brilliant Danish .. Even watching this video is healing in a co-regulating way .. feeling Safe, Listening, to You .. Calming.

[@yetibluedog]

Thank you so much Danish - I feel as though you were talking to me personally! I have done so much work being the parent to my child self, its has gotten me so far. Yet to forgive or find my adult self, is so hard. I have a terrible self diallage and zero direction. I will indeed read and reflect on that book you suggested. Thank you so much for your time, knowledge and skill to do this video. Its my 50+ birthday today - a day for N mother to treat me more poorly than normal (as it was the day I ruined her life). My normal is to hide/ avoid interaction. I think you just gave me the best gift I have ever received, and what I needed... hope. Thank you greatly. 🤩☺

[@DJ-nh6wq]

Happy Birthday! Give yourself a present and go “No Contact” with your Narc Mom. I did it at 56 and it’s been the best decision. I’m slowly healing

[@writeousone8749]

Happy Birthday! Yay you made it this far, take the next step which is freedom. I left my narc mum 20 years ago and my narc husband 7 months ago! Life was stressful at the start but I have so much peace and freedom that I had never had before

[@poeticrockstarr6875]

I wish you have a very happy birthday full of fun, laughter and joyful experiences. You deserve happiness and thus you should receive it.

[@AM-..]

Plan on having a great birthday next year & future birthdays by working on being in your own place or going away some where. The first choice is better of course, but I recommend the second option while working on moving out. I hope you made the best of your special day this year.

[@ruthevans9827]

So glad to hear this pivotal topic. How does one love and care for themselves alone?

[@meowriii]

Thank you! It makes so much sense. I realize the reason i have survived so long was my community. My friends my coworkers who were just there to provide what my parents couldnt. After marrying a narcissist husband i am realziing it's important to speak out

[@rahasovereign9510]

I have also figured out that it’s not really about taking umpteen bubble baths or going on vacation or buying more clothes. Danesh is right that there’s a deeper level to this. I’ve never heard anybody other than Danesh talk about this and it’s SO important!

[@amelmoussaoui9836]

You are right , but the first step in the love-yourself process is the pumper yourself then you will dive in your wounds to heel them

[@ninasimone36]

This was so spot on!! It always starts with you being loved first and a lot of folks are struggling to figure that out because they experienced such poor examples of love. This was so healing for me. Thank you!

[@rainyy9508]

This is absolutely true, not only they lack a sense of self but also because of that they lack a healthy body-mind-emotion connection. They become so emotionally unaware that they get desensitized to danger.

[@lisasbeautifuljourney]

Thank you Danish! My healing from my lifetime of narcissistic trauma continues, all of the information I receive from your IG, KZbin and course is helping so much. I continue to give myself the space and time for myself and now I am further knowledgeable regarding the self love I never received as a child. xx

[@しゅにシュニ]

🙏🙏🙏This is so beautifully well crafted. Please do more on 'Self-Love' Concept & recovery. Much love~ Namaste 💜💙💛

[@poeticrockstarr6875]

Thankyou Danish. Although I broke down while watching, I really needed to hear this.

[@ginalorraine1899]

I left the narcissist two years ago. We have children together, so I do minimal contact instead of no contact. When I left, I was out of the daily quagmire, and things were certainly better. I spent hours on the couch sobbing, and grieving was necessary. But the true healing really only happened when I was able to process the grief with another person present. These people quite literally saved my life, because there was almost nothing left of me. I needed the other people to simply listen and be there with me. Then I felt loved and valued. This is very insightful, Danish, and my own experience supports what you cover in this video.

[@beeu9841]

Thank you, I truly got a lot to think about. This was very educational for me. Thank you ✌️

[@tiffanyandtheshihtsu]

Excellent Danish! More on this subject if possible 😊 You always hit the target!

[@jefft724]

I've never felt so validated by a youtube video before. Thank you, Danish.

[@KarenM-ww2kq]

Thank you Danish! You are awesome! I have looked for answers for years. This message is so powerful.

[@Drpriyaparmar]

Wow Danish you presented a powerful and nuanced message about how we become ourselves and how love creates us. Really great! Thank you. Will share

[@dkim5162]

As always your words are spot on! I have been following the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh and he always suggests finding a sangha to meditate with. A group of practitioners who are experienced in self awareness.

[@seemaprasad2350]

Amazing aspect you are talking about ,Danish .Highly impressed . That's why I discover now why I was not feeling good after healing a lot and self love after narcissistic abuse .It felt miserable .Now there is a solution but don't know how and where to get it .Yes my church family is amazing to get peace and comfort.Still need more .

[@caroli216]

I'm experiencing this gift of regulation with my fantastic bodywork/somatic therapist. Eternally grateful for having found her without even knowing she would assist this way.

[@marjoryrekna3779]

I really needed this topic. I totally can relate to everything what you are saying... I'm still trying to know who I am and it's 1 year after our break-up of 3 years. Thank you gor your content.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Thank you for brilliant observations and advice Danish. We need healthy, safe and loving people to learn how to regulate ourselves. We need to know we are not alone and that there are good, respectful , responsible and loving others we can get help from. Thank you for your help and support 😊 God bless you❤

[@lisahill182]

Danish you're so good at opening up and breaking down the problems that we would run into with these clinically defined concepts in our suffering and in our healing. You're such a gift! I'm so grateful to God for you... I'm not happy that you've suffered these tortures, ...but since you have that you are so relatable, and another person who can in different ways give so many of us confirmation in ways, where nobody else (that I've listened to anyway) really gets into the thick of it. Thank you so much for what you do!!❤

[@swatiahuja6040]

This is very intelligent. Very well thought

[@Caty88]

I agree with you it’s helpful Not everybody can afford financially go to the therapist like me I heal by myself The process may slow but worth it Be patient is the key I heal myself by talking to my inner child I close my eyes imagine my younger self and me now as an adult have conversation together I ask her how she’s feeling? Give her hugs&kisses (parenting myself)- take care of myself, make myself happy, be friend with myself,.. Self-love is relationship with yourself Though self-love I learnt alot: I set healthy boundaries, say no, not be people-pleaser, love is not from outside but from inside that already is in you, speak my truth,…. Spirituality is big part in my healing journey

[@trinacairns9509]

Very true. Thank you ❤

[@izawaniek2568]

You are right. We need safe and loving people on our healing journey.

[@daylenestaneart775]

Thank you. This makes sense.

[@susancoombes]

I am so lucky to have met someone with whom I feel safe. He feels the same way with me. I have been fearful of relationships in the past and stayed independant except for my son. The amazing thing is the effect this relationship has had on my son and his family. Its as if waves of love from us have reached them too.

[@aliraelei3313]

All I have is myself for over 20 + years Me myself and I. Thank you for your video. I will try to find someone who is supportive and understanding.

[@bonnielee316]

Self love means this: Your parent did not give you love or you would not take love from the monster parent. You look for real love but keep finding toxic people due to the ability to put up with it and thinking that you should because you were trained to. Self love means breaking the need to get it from others and giving it to yourself. You keep practicing hugging sessions, with yourself till you find the right comfortable hug. For instance, for me, it was clasping my right upper arm with my left hand and squeezing while saying, I love you. You can also put hugging pressure on your chest, with that left arm or lay on your stomach to give a feeling of pressure from a real hug. You can give validating self talk sessions while doing it. This gives you the power and control to get love and comfort, when you need it, and not have to wait for a paid session or partner who might get annoyed with you.

[@norcal1009]

This is wonderful! Self-hugging is something I'm going to try now at my weakest moments. When I was starting acting classes 'just for fun' at a small local theater, it really helped me at a more tactile level, showing the world so to speak that I have a voice and I can show this voice with my subtle body movements, facial expressions, and voice control, all very therapeutic 😀 I had alot of healing to do at that time, and experimenting with these avenues was one step closer to 'being me'. Thank you so much for sharing self-hug and making it real. 💗

[@bonnielee316]

@ norcal1009, You’re welcome!

[@denisemarsack6604]

I had not known myself because of my upbringing the narc made me realize that. Now I am me and so happy to know me ❤

[@zarine5586]

This is a brilliant video and advice. Thank u

[@caroli216]

This is setting me free. God is using all of this to finally set me free. Thank you. Thank you for honoring your purpose and journey and modeling that to others.

[@ND-or5so]

Friends loved me enough to listen to me and tell me how wrong my husband did to me on many occasions. One friend of mine thought about what I told her about what happened in a certain situation. She went home and thought about the whole situation. And on another day she brought up how what he did was absolutely wrong.

[@AnaMillaruelo]

Excellent video. I'm learning a lot from all your videos. Thank you, Danish. 🙏

[@learninglifeways]

May the Lord bless you with peace and aafiyah danish Thank you

[@judyyates2763]

Thank you! ❤ Love to everyone

[@aartivyas7190]

Thank you immensely for discussing this topic Danish

[@beachgirl4]

Thank you❤

[@AnjuArhat]

Thank youuuuuu Sir😊😊

[@kidscreativekreativeideen549]

❤❤❤❤❤yes yes and yes...I was the scapegoat...I couldn't feel myself...I was a people pleaser and after over 40 years I went to no contact and after all these years every Day I realize where I was Born....in a house of hell

[@tahwsisiht]

There was a time when I was in the middle of a narcissistic (or worse) person's mind twisting game. It was a lot of breathtaking deception that involved couple of people. One of us asked him: Why did he do it? (There was no need for lying, we all would have been better of with truth) He sad: Self love. On the other hand: people who went through life without appreciated and valued for who we are, without fair give and take, without mutual respect for personal boundaries, we have trouble believing that there are others who will respect and love us, so self love becomes this twilight zone that has no real meaning. It is hard to practice self love when you are disrespected and devalued for years. Now, I will rather die than to disrespect myself or lower my boundaries because of pushy, selfish, entitled people. (I do have to make a note about that it was not all bad for me until age 28. I was less vulnerable and had family members and friends who loved me. I feel wrong not to express that. I am almost 57. The last close to 30 years was more vulnerable and more isolated. But I think I never felt comfotable or strong enough to put up my personal boundaries as well as I should have been. It was also due to vulnerable situation financially and because I didn't speak good enough English to excell in a foreign country.)

[@emilylyons8606]

I've felt this conversation for years. I've gotten help with love in small doses but I hope I get to experience it more.

[@rickhewitt1417]

Great points, thank you

[@sunshinerain5676]

Brilliant. This is the missing piece I have been looking for. Thank you for sharing.🙏

[@elliewegman1846]

I have no expectation of love. I never had it as a child or since. I don't miss it for I never knew it. Its a sweet little dream others experience. I wouldnt know what the heck to do.

[@animallover4955]

I agree with you Danish. Also I want to know what love actually is. I do not know❤

[@raidenewalden4354]

Sharing love with someone who never felt loved before is a good thing to do if he or she is willing to accept . I know it’s a hard work, finding it hard .

[@janedoe5229]

My whole life I have struggled with, "If my own mom doesn't love me, then I must be unlovable". I sought for love in the church, in my marriages, in my children, and everyone promised love, but they all took instead. (I can't blame a child, who, by definition needs to grow up and move away.) I am so glad that I found these messages.

[@isabelolsson1890]

Amen and amen 🙏 to every word you have explained, may God listen to you, Danish. Thanks for the video.

[@mamabear71234]

I don't have any support. I have learned to accept that love comes from G-d and thats how im able to give my one year old the love he needs. My parents were narcissist and so was my ex. The few friends i had deserted me. I have made the decision that im going to be a good person despite the way i have been treated. I know what evil looks like, and im not going to be a part of it.

[@sarahkay8784]

I have such mixed feelings. My mother was Bi-polar. I know and felt she loved me but every time she went in a maniac state and hospitalized, I was sent to live with my grandmother. She was an alcoholic. She taught me a lot of great things. To cook. To craft. She did take care of me but when she was drunk, she was terrible. I feel because of my experience, I often discount the bad and abusive behavior and focus on the food because that’s all I had growing up. It’s very hard to cut out someone who is abusive because if feels if I do that, I have nothing. Almost like I have to get through the abuse to get to the love. Some love even mixed with abuse is better than nothing. Logically I know that it’s a very skewed view. Everyone says love yourself. Know your worth. I think I’m a great person. I don’t think I deserve that abuse. But as you said, I don’t know how to do anything different. I’m trying to break from someone of 9 years who is horrible. He has subjected to me a lot of physical, emotionally and psychological damage over the last 9 years. I still go back after I leave. I still freak out every time he leaves me. Blocks me. Threatens me. He literally makes me crazy. Running in circles. Jumping through hoops only to be told I’ve failed in some way. I feel ok on my own. I’m pretty self sufficient but I still king for this person. I know logically he’s brought nothing good to me but the heart part keeps saying to just keep trying. I feel like I’m doomed. I’m 56 and still can’t seem to figure this out. I’m at a point where my health is starting to fail. I know it’s from the stress of this person. The lack of sleep. Never being able to really relax. I feel so lost. Therapy helps some but I just feel like there is some connection I need to make inside.

[@ToastyChips]

I can connect with your thoughtsmore than anyone and get a lot of strength seeing what you have been through still rose as a helper , guide ...a candle for ppls like us.

[@toshoniapatterson3883]

This is so true and I’m so thankful for you being the blessing to others that you are! Love does have to be taught before you can give it bk to someone else!❤

[@yeah8670]

Very sad because my mother set all her kids up for failure. My sister is an alcoholic, my brother just got a life sentence. Even though I’m recovering, I was the one that “woke” up. I just wish things were different but it’s life. I want nothing more then to just love myself❤

[@vaska1999]

Thank you so much for taking on the insipid, vacuous self-love movement. It's a movement of narcissists for narcissists, because even they find the ultra-individualistic nature of our societies (certainly in the West) so damaging and psychologically exhausting.

[@paulapereira2855]

Muito, muito obrigada! Bastante esclarecedor.

[@eleonorabartoli2225]

Danish, do you think pets can be that help? Why? Thanks!