Separation Anxiety in Babies & Toddlers - What's Normal? How should Parents Handle it?

This video briefly discusses the normal stages of separation anxiety. Being separated from parents can bring seasons of fear for small children. It can cause stress on parents who feel they never get a break. Learn to let God fill you up so you can be there for your children when they need reassurance. Understand the difference between wanting a parent's presence and having a tantrum for not getting what they want.
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2 Year Old who is Afraid of Being Alone at Bedtime:

[@addisonnay2362]

I love how you mentioned not needing to feel responsible for taking away their sadness, but that it’s enough to just comfort them through it. Such a good reminder!

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

💛💛💛 Thanks for watching!!

[@keannawilliams2727]

I am currently dealing with this. My 2yr old daughter cries and throw tantrums when I drop her off at daycare. The way it makes me feels is indescribable. It throws my morning off. I now give it to God. Your video gives me even more comfort thank you so very much! May Godbless you.

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

Oh, Keanna, I am so sorry this is such a difficult time for you both. I pray that God gives you the wisdom and the grace to walk through this, and to find solutions. He always has an answer!! 💛🙏🏼

[@JadeCarter66]

I’m glad I’m not the only one going through this… I feel so suffocated, overwhelmed and extremely frustrated. I can’t even cook dinner without my almost 2 year-old clinging to my legs… I can’t even take a shower or use the bathroom or do anything independently. I’m trying to stay calm and patient… But it’s extremely difficult. I’ve even reconsidered having more kids because if I can barely handle one, how can I have more? I just didn’t know motherhood was going to be this challenging 😩😭

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

@@JadeCarter66 Hi Jade! Thank you so much for your comment. I am so sorry you are struggling with this. Parenting can definitely feel overwhelming. Of my six children, most of them had a “normal” amount of separation anxiety, but my third-born was exceptionally clingy until about the age of three. I promise you, this will not last forever! I am on a break from KZbin for the month of July (I have one video it will air today or tomorrow that I uploaded a couple of weeks ago) When I return, I plan on doing more toddler training videos, in particular, on high chair training. Training a two-year-old to be in a high chair for short amount of time can be so beneficial to allow you to have a little break and get some things done. I hope you will watch for those in August. It sounds like you are an amazing mother! Hang in there! 💛

[@JadeCarter66]

@@teresaelling-peacefulhome thank you so much! I’ll be looking out for your new videos. Thanks so much for your thoughtful and kind response.

[@JadeCarter66]

@@teresaelling-peacefulhome thank you so much! I’ll be looking out for your new videos. Thanks so much for your thoughtful and kind response.

[@courtneyrice7911]

My daughter is the same way. I can't cook without her crying and screaming. She's two. She's gotten so demanding, and some days I have such a short fuse, and I feel guilty. It's making me reconsider my dream of having a lot of kids.

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

@@courtneyrice7911 Oh, Courtney, I feel for you and truly understand. (So does @jadecarter66 and many others) I have been on a an extended break from KZbin - original plan of 1 month turned to 2 - much needed but planning on filming again in September. I can tell you are an amazing mom because you feel bad when you are frustrated. It WILL get better!

[@lynmcknight1215]

Thank you for this. I'm going through this now with a 21 month old who was miss independent and changed over night. Severe separation anxiety in the home and at daycare. Very upsetting

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

Oh, I am sorry. It is so difficult to see your little one go through this. I trust there will be breakthrough soon - Hang in there!!

[@KB-xk8pr]

I'm also going through it with my 2 year old now and it's been like this for almost 2 years. I can't walk away to do simple tasks without full blown screaming and tamtrums and being followed by him, i cant come out of the room to eat or go to the bathroom when im working or when my husband is watching him. Because he will loose his crap when he sees me. Im about to start pulling my hair off, it's so overwhelming. Yes I'm giving him enough love and attention, probbaly too much.

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

KB, I am so sorry you have been dealing with this. I just found a message I was writing to you in my notes. I had typed it up, but apparently got distracted and never actually posted it here. I am so so sorry. I would love to hear an update which you can comment further here or feel free to email me: [e-mail] What you are dealing with can feel so overwhelming and stifling. One of my six was very attached, and didn’t want to be separated from me at all for about three years. Much longer than all the others, but we did get through it! Another idea would be to start some high chair training where he can’t follow you (you can also practice while he is strapped into a car seat or stroller, too)and you practice walking in and out of the room (obviously not being away for more than a moment for safety reasons) It will take a while of being consistent, but in time his brain will register that he will be Ok. As children get older, I don’t like using food as a reward, but it can really be effective at this age. If you come back in and he is not crying, you can hand him food, or a toy, etc..

[@lindseywhite3342]

Thank you for providing solutions in an empathetic and compassionate viewpoint

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

Than you, Lindsey - I consider that a great complement. 😊 Thanks for watching!

[@mansivora1]

Is it normal for 3-month-olds to have separation anxiety? what is the difference between having separation anxiety and being clingy?

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

Hi Mansi! We don’t really call it separation anxiety at that age because it is completely normal. They are made to connect and bond to parents. I don’t know if you have heard of anything about the “fourth trimester”. It’s the concept that the first three months after birth are so critical for bonding that it’s as if you continue being pregnant - baby should be close to mom as if in the womb. Think of kangaroos and other marsupials. Their babies are born only to remain in the pouch until ready to be out on their own. Some babies want mom only, others bond with mom and dad, and still others with grandparents or other caregivers. But, they have trouble being away from the significant people in their life and again, that is normal and needed for development. Another thing you can research is attachment theory. The way babies attach to us in the early years is extremely critical for their emotional health. “Being clingy“ is basically the same thing, at least the way most people use these phrases. I hope this helps! Thanks for watching and for your question. 😊

[@snowjessy4152]

My 4 year old,cries for no reason,and is fustrating,i have no rest,

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

@@snowjessy4152 Hi there! I can imagine this would be so frustrating. I’m sorry you are in a difficult season. Often our children cry because they don’t know how to communicate something to us and we have to be like detectives to try to figure it out. Sometimes everything seems fine, but they are just needing connection with us. There are also times when kids have just gotten into a habit of crying, and although there is no apparent reason, it is how they are used to responding. Here are a couple of videos that may help. The first one is great for helping you connect on a deeper level. The second one will help you start quiet time. The key for establishing a good habit is that she needs to go to her quiet time when you ask her with a good attitude. No fussing or crying. If she does that, she gets a small treat or a sticker ( x number of tickets earns a reward) Focus on the positive and encourage every little effort. At first, I would probably practice several times a day and have her work up to just 10 minutes in quiet time, but 3x/day. Let me know how things are going. Thanks so much for watching and for your comment. 😁 Filling Your Child’s Emotional Tank kzbin.info/www/bejne/d6vdaKR6aKhghaMsi=p0laNuSDvSI-lWBD Quiet Time kzbin.info/www/bejne/fGmZo6CXrLCbg9ksi=RtFY2i80o3wvmwy3

[@tysonkreger7593]

It was a good until you incorporated religion

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

I don’t hide my beliefs and I don’t expect others to either. I hope you can gain insight as you “chew on the meat and spit out the bones”. Thanks for watching! 😊

[@MarissaCuriel-e4n]

Hi my baby’s father decided to step out of his life a little after he turned 1, my son is super clingy to me, cries through the night so much , throws tantrums all day and I am first time parent so it’s really challenging and I am always tired and exhausted. Is this clinginess because I am making up for the absence of another parent ?

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

Hi Marissa , I am so sorry you are going through this. If your child was not dealing with this stuff before dad left and you see a marked change afterwards, that could be the main cause. It’s also possible that as he is getting older, these are just developmental changes that coincide with the family shift. Either way, not having his father around will affect him, but you sound like an amazing mom, and you can absolutely fill that gap as best you can, and have a thriving, happy child. I tantrums are developmentally appropriate as your child seeks to exert some independence from you. This is where training comes into play. Never allow him to get what he wants with a tantrum. Patiently wait until he is calm and do not give in. Make sure that you are connecting with him with affection and play. I will link a couple videos here I think might be helpful. I really appreciate your comment and would love to hear how things are going in the future. Blessings to you!

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

kzbin.info/aero/PLLHIc9oZBZ4_uqjGxbvSEgV1GpS2ZeZ0G&si=AnvKzNoM15wGBOrl (training playlist)

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/d6vdaKR6aKhghaMsi=ksSG5aRGQ9cPXvys (how to really love your child)

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

kzbin.info/aero/PLLHIc9oZBZ4-Miv4F7Q__Ab0QhgLIdKJq&si=vpxTqq0WtIRUvwjc (Better Bedtime playlist)

[@danzora]

I was separated from my 8 months old daughter for over a month and now she is showing separation anxiety at 10 months old. I was her primary care giver since birth. Any advices? I found your video very informative too. Thank you.

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

Hi Diana, Thanks for your question. I really think it’s just a matter of time. Continue to stay connected to her and reassure her in reasonable ways and with time, trust will be rebuilt that you will be there/will always come back. Remember, even as it gets better, she may go through bouts of separation anxiety again throughout the next few years. So, don’t let that distress you, but just spend a bit more time with her and you will get her through that stage every time 😊 Thanks for watching!!

[@jessicacampos4811]

Thank you so much. I have a two year old with anxiety and your video is very helpful. I will try these tips

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

It’s such a fun age and such a hard age at the same time. I’m so glad you found this helpful. Thanks for watching! 😊

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

Here are some thoughts about dealing with separation anxiety. A very common time for this is bedtime. If that is something you struggle with, be sure to subscribe so you will be notified when I upload that video. 😊

[@nandipamophethe2123]

I stayed with my daughter from birth and after my divorce, I had to leave her with parents in another Province due to starting a new job. She is 3 years old and first time i left her she was OK with me leaving her, didn't cry and was joyful when I video call her. It's been 2 months and the last week she has stopped talking to me, it hurts so bad when I video call her she ignores the phone, wont even look at it. I am due to visit her in two days and I am so glad I bumped into this video. I can't wait to be with her. I visit every 2 months as I work far from home and she stays with my parents and her cousins. It hurts I don't wanna lie

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

I am so sorry, Nandipa. Your situation is heartbreaking. I know it may continue to be difficult but as your daughter gets older, she will be so grateful that you made her a priority and didn’t give up on making time to see her. I pray you find peace in the midst of this season. 😊🙏🏼💛

[@nandipamophethe2123]

@@teresaelling-peacefulhome Thank you Teressa, I cried so much as I wrote here. We will be OK I agree. I guess when she sees me in two days time and I leave again after 10 days she will realise I come back and go away for long but I always come to visit her. I will try to make her understand as well. She is clingy with my dad, cries often and won't let go of him, is always on his chest except when she is at creche during the day. Thank you so much, I believe she will adjust with time. I also will adjust with time. Thank you Teresa, God bless you.

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

@@nandipamophethe2123 God bless you and your family!

[@ladylove3870]

Just found your video. Thank you so much for this information. My 18 month old granddaughter has now started developing separation anxiety when her mom comes to pick her up from my home. Its gut wrenching to witness and I find myself crying when she leaves.

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

Growing up is so hard! So many changes and emotions! I have no doubt you are an amazing grandma and your family is blessed to have your support!! 😊💛

[@ladylove3870]

@@teresaelling-peacefulhome thank you so much. I really appreciate you and your kind words.

[@crystala965]

I have two children that the lord blessed me with my oldest son is two and my daughter is nine months I have started to try to put my son to sleep in his own room and he is having a very hard time adapting I would love to hear your advice God bless you and your family

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

Crystal, thanks so much for watching! 😊 Bedtime is actually on my list for one of my next topics. I am curious, how have you been putting him to bed up until now?

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

Crystal, The bedtime video has finally aired: kzbin.info/www/bejne/a4uYh4awnayqjcU

[@barbarasanjurjo9652]

What the name of the video that dealing with separation anxiety when going to bed I can’t find it in your videos

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

Hi Barbara! I had every intention of making that video and it didn’t happen. I was actually just writing an outline for a playlist on bedtime. It’s taking me a while to get to it. If you would like to send me an email I will personally email you back as soon as the video is up!! Thanks so much for watching! [e-mail]

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

Barbara, you gave me a kickstart to get this video done! Thank you!! Here is the link: kzbin.info/www/bejne/a4uYh4awnayqjcU

[@herbariatricjourney]

Thank you for this video. I cried when you said when this is so hard and makes you anxious and resentful. I am struggling so bad this week because my son has become so clingy all of a sudden. I am also 20 weeks pregnant. I feel like he is winning by me giving in to rocking him to sleep when he was so good at sleeping on his own in his crib. This week he decided to no longer do that. Please make another video helping me “Let God” because I am struggling emotionally as much as he is at this point. Thank you again 💙

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

I am so sorry you are struggling right now, Karla! How old is your son? His age would determine the advice I would give you for bedtime. Children are so sensitive and my guess is that he already knows that something is up because of your pregnancy. Hang in there! I promise this won’t last forever. I am praying for you!! 😊🙏🏼💛

[@rashed9696]

👌🏻

[@nardoskaros4434]

Oh great video! Thank you so much 🙏🏾

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

Thanks for watching!! 💛

[@Help_me_understand]

My 18- month old doesn’t like to be held by anyone including family members. She only wants mom.im enjoying it but also hoping she’ll grow out of it.

[@teresaelling-peacefulhome]

I completely understand. It can feel like it will never change. My 18 month old granddaughter was getting very attached to me and it was so fun and then she just took a turn to only wanting mom. If my daughter is busy and GD needs something, I will offer to help her or pick her up and she just looks at me like I am the last person she wants to see. 😂 It does help to know that this is normal development. Hang in there!! 💛