All About the Big "O": How to Close the Orgasm Gap

[@tinyshepherdess7710]

I really enjoy your podcast and the variety of topics you cover. Rebecca often makes me laugh....regarding today's choice of discussion: "can't emphasize enough that it's NOT because we're mother and daughter"....🤣 Your message, no matter the subject, is always spot on and so needed. Thank you.

[@antoninajucovscaia8439]

I knew it was going to be the one with the water spilling cause I remember it, too.

[@louis-vd3ur]

As a young devout (catholic) wife and mother something I never learned about great love making is the ESSENTIAL relaxation if the pelvic floor. You cannot achieve anything without relaxing the pelvic floor. As a woman the power to experience pleasure is beholden to how relaxed the body is to receive it. Pelvic floors that are tensed do not feel anything near pleasure. Many women never relax and are never told it is essential. I didn't learn pelvic floor relaxation until I had my first baby....

[@lightning611]

Thank you Sheila, Rebecca, and the rest of the Bare Marriage team for really, really trying to help women overcome the devastating messages that the evangelcal church has poisoned marriages with. My wife and I have taken your orgasm course about 7 months ago. as a result, we agreed to take a break from sex to give her time to heal from the obligation sex message and the purity message, learn how to orgasm. Unfortunately this has not helped her yet. Do you have therapist resource's you would recommend? I would prefer a secular therapist/approach as anything connected with christianity seems to not work or make things worse. This poison from the church has caused us both a LOT of heartache in our 39 years of marriage. It is difficult to battle the resentment I have for the Abrahamic faith traditions - so messed up. At this juncture in my spiritual journey I am only certain of two truths: 1.God exist 2. I am not that God. Will probably start sleeping in separate beds soon, as lying next to my beautiful wife is torture and a huge battle. Hopefully we can be happy roommates, friends without benefits. Keep up the good work.

[@SheilaWrayGregoire]

I'm so sorry! That sounds so tough. What a lot of years lost. I would just google licensed therapist sex therapy spiritual abuse, because often a lot of these issues are due to spiritual trauma, and someone who is trained in both sex therapy and spiritual abuse would likely be the best fit. I wish you all the best!

[@lightning611]

@@SheilaWrayGregoire Thank you so much for quick and kind response. May your work spread that women and couples would find healing, peace, and joy in their lives togather. You are Loved and Blessed!

[@cupfulofeathers]

39:33 I think that was an emotional release! 🤣🤣 Great episode! It's so helpful to have all of these points summarized in one place.

[@brighidmcmullen9577]

I waited until I was engaged to have sex. It wasn’t intended, just how it turned out. I had grown up terrified of sex. My mom gave me my sex ed at 12 and unintentionally left out any mention of pleasure and when I, out of horror of the mental image of being naked and having sex with a faceless man, told her that I would only do it to have babies, my mom, taken aback and not prepared or understanding why I said this just chuckled nervously and said “well your husband won’t like that.” I was floored. It hadn’t occurred to me that anyone would ever want to have sex. Fast forward to 26 year old me, sex while engaged was good. While I didn’t experience orgasms, I was enjoying it immensely. I was also my husband’s first so we were both learning. Then we get married. Sex almost didn’t happen at all on my wedding night because my body wouldn’t cooperate and it hurt. I was confused, it hadn’t even hurt the first time we had sex, but suddenly it was very painful. I chalked it up to the drinks I had consumed and the stress of the big day and didn’t think much of it. But then it hurt every single time after that. I didn’t want to tell my husband because I felt that I needed a solution or at least a cause first. I didn’t want him to feel bad. My sex drive began to tank. I began trying to avoid penetrative sex. I finally did tell him and we tried different things. I even began to have orgasms. They helped but didn’t fix it. I stumbled upon your channel and the pieces fell into place. It didn’t hurt before because while I was unmarried, sex was for me as well as my fiancé. I had internalized what my mom had said and other purity culture messages along with my desire to be a “good Christian girl" and my brain interpreted all of it to mean that sex was for husbands not for wives. It’s been 2 years since my wedding night and I have read your books and binged watched most of your videos and last night I had sex that was almost completely free of discomfort. Thanks, Shelia, and your family and team. You created a safe space that is so, so desperately needed to let girls like me know that married or not, our bodies are still our own.

[@tristazerbe8119]

So this is a suuuuuper private thing to say but I’m gonna say it. If a man says that he is having ejaculation during sex but never experiences orgasm or pleasure from it, does that mean there is a physical problem or is it maybe more of a mental block for him?

[@armandvega2752]

I’ve actually heard about situations like that. I believe it’s called tantric sex. Tantric sex is a form a sexual practice where person can ejaculate without pleasure or a person can have an orgasm without ejaculating. It’s originated in India. Really weird stuff.

[@tristazerbe8119]

@@armandvega2752 what if it’s a case if he is wanting to experience orgasm but it’s not happening, he’s having ejaculation but not pleasure. He’s had his testosterone and other hormones tested and all are normal. I think it’s mental just like if a woman has been abused she would have a hard time feeling pleasure.

[@louis-vd3ur]

Tantric is LACK of climax....it is pretty clear about that

[@WithMyOwnEars]

I want to make this better for myself but I feel overwhelmingly sad when I hear about how women have it when it comes to sex. I admire you trying make a difference but on a personal level I feel defeated even though I am in a good relationship. Idk what's going on with me.

[@ccarlton4511]

Looking for legitimate advice.... my husband does everything "right" in the bedroom. He's very concerned and passionate about my pleasure (o's happen regularly), but I could still care less whether or not we "do it" and generally don't look forward to it. The best way I can describe it is like riding roller coasters. There was a time when I really loved the thrill and have enjoyed them, but I can go a long time without riding a roller coaster and I don't really miss them. 🤷‍♀️

[@SheilaWrayGregoire]

That sounds more like our Boost Your Libido course! baremarriage.com/boost-libido-course/

[@armandvega2752]

@@ccarlton4511 You definitely have a low libido if that’s the case.

[@amberatartimec2564]

Hey, that's hard. Does he feel there's a problem? Have you been able to talk? Do you like him and feel close to him? Or is there a distance between you? Do you ever feel sexy, and does he see that and respond when it happens? I haven't any practical solutions but I feel for you.

[@ccarlton4511]

Hmm... he would absolutely love if I was all manner of wild in the bedroom and would notice, but it's not really my thing. I don't really enjoy "feeling sexy"... and yeah, you could say I don't feel super close, but I think that's more responsive to him feeling disconnected because I'm not a raring horn dog 🫤

[@jonathanv5171]

Interesting that this counts as a problem but not when men lack a sex partner

[@MartaLoftus]

That’s because lacking a sex partner outside of the commitment relationship isn’t a problem. Lacking connection within a relationship is the problem.

[@WithMyOwnEars]

Just because a channel focuses on a certain topic of their interest and expertice doesn't mean all other problems are unvalid. You're just not the target group here.

[@jonathanv5171]

@@MartaLoftus If being without a relationship/sex isn't a problem then being without it during sex/relationships shouldn't be a problem