Best way to handle disappointments. Stop cutting people off from life.

I’m Shridhar, a Counseling Psychologist. As humans, we hold expectations from people and our relationships. And with great expectations, come great disappointments too. Thus, getting disappointed is a very natural experience, closely tied to our very existence. That is why it is important to develop healthier ways of dealing with that disappointment. I talk of one such method in this video.
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0:00 Intro
0.20 Problem
1.13 The first obvious step
1.44 If first step fails, the helpful idea
3.08 My personal experience
6.03 Lessons from this story
6.50 Dealing with people who mistreat us
7.33 Application of the idea
7.40 A benefit of the idea
8.09 Specific cutting off
9.03 Two important questions to ask
9.27 Bayesian reasoning
10.13 Rapid fire truths
10.19 First rapid truth
10.26 Second rapid truth
10.37 Third rapid truth
10.52 Fourth rapid truth
11.09 Fifth rapid truth
11.44 Sixth rapid truth
12.07 Seventh rapid truth
12.19 Summary and conclusion
12.57 Need counseling from Shridhar Lifeschool?

[@M6677quickontheuptake]

True, agree with your speech. I like it and sometimes I do the same what you have mentioned in your speech, thanks

[@manalidhotre2246]

Great perspective to deal with disappointments

[@sunitapatil2624]

One of the much needed and best videos. Very much relatable to each one of us and practically doable. Thank you so much Sridhar ji for such videos.

[@anagha3502]

Omg..i m feeling so blessed that i came across this video as it came to my rescue and just gave me a life! I could relate to every word that you said in this video bcoz i exactly used to react the same way when disappointments happened to me! I used to cut people out on wholesale 😂 and eventually get very hurt myself in the process! I loved this spectrum rating or this Bayesian technique of rating relationships as it gives us exact returns of our emotional energy investments with no loss and hurt, making life so much easy! Thank you so much Shreedhar for this outstanding video that I'll share with all those who i feel face the same problems as i did. Infact to tell you honestly i did apply this technique unknowingly many a times and it never failed in giving me happiness back but now since it came from you and felt stamped and definite, is a life saviour when it comes to relationships ❤️ Thank you! I have subscribed your channel already 😊👍

[@kavithajohn9642]

Speaking/addressing an issue that all of us face in a true, reliable, logical, engaging and entertaining manner, great job Shridhar and say my hello to ur team - shared this under the topic of 'resilience building in life' in my LinkedIn page. 👏

[@drnishanajaymathew]

The best video on how to manage and deal with people

[@nishasharma131]

Sir you're absolutely amazing. Thanks for the much needed lesson.

[@bablishree4dzine]

Thank you 🙌 absolutely true.. we need to seek peace..we need to be true.. 🎉🎉❤

[@nv_thalia]

👍really nice video

[@madhurimabasak7168]

Why would you want a best friend who misses your birthday party for petty reasons?

[@dr.lakshmisruthi3392]

Great! theoretically explaining this topic and it can actually make a solution handy when we face a situation. It refined my thinking.

[@uzmakhan4222]

superb advice

[@arunk-cw6kd]

Awesome 👍

[@varunikulkarni1754]

Nice approach❤

[@chelsialqx88]

Love this theories and solutions! Sounds workable for me

[@shortnfo]

Nobody cares about others,only u should care about yourself...

[@zunairakhalid4585]

One of your best videos

[@Rush2KPK]

Excellent❤

[@nechamascher7199]

Downgrading, lol Loved the video! So insightful!

[@rochellerajan10]

❤ Good one.

[@keerthymurthy1602]

Great

[@watermelonsugahiiiiiiiiiii3051]

Listen I kind of (not properly) did decrease my expectations and did avoid the areas where i think i would be hurt. I told others to not talk about the things she said or did. And that worked for quite bit time. But with more and more time the person just went bad to worse to worst. I mean at first it was just lying to others manipulating them having a victim mentality and being straight up rude. Never had a problem because she would value me and not do this to me. I still think that was wrong to do. But the person who she was doing it with was a stranger to me. So i did not bother much about completely making her confess her mistakes or making her understand maybe she was the problem. Then she did this to my other friends and i talked to her that this is not rightt. She would just give absolute not valid reasons.( Purposed someone cause she was sad that her crush ignored her and then next morning saying i purposed as a friend not romantically. They were already friends) And when i tried to make her understand that othee person has feelings too she would not accept she was wrong. Playing innocent. This happened with three of my other friends who were good with me but not as close as herr. I took the policy of this is your relationship and your responsibility. I am out of anything that she does with my other friends. Its her and their BS to handle. Then this started happening to me too. She lied to me repeatedly. When i found out i said i wanted to talk. Did not meet or talk about this on call for about 2 months. And when we talked gave shit reasons. I was so hurt. She knew she fucked up. Didn't try mending anything for 2 more months. And when i finally decided i want to restrict myself. I can't talk normally ro you and i won't pretend anything if its not real. I am having doubts about our friendship. Then only did she after two days of me saying this sent some videos that said ' i don't see where i am wrong but sorry anyways' Thing is if i put herr on 3 4 from 8 and behave accordingly , she has a problem with me she will say she did nothing wrong she wants me back. I am just not comfortable with her lying. It hurt me soo bad. I defended herr even in front of my parents and she just choose to straight up lie. In your example the friend does nor expect himself to be placed 8 or 9. You place him 5 and he is fine with it. In my case the person wants to behave like a 3 and be treated a 9. What do i do if not cutt her off. [ We are a grp of four friends for 7 years now. It hurts.]

[@abhishekpathania7093]

ahh nice, something new. Just thinking where this is coming from.

[@sujatakshetri]

I used to think Less Liked Videos Are Because videos are less likable ...from this video I learnt ..It just a matter of Time for content creater and You 😉

[@mayank_mahor_11]

In my life 😊, i was thinking from very long time that i should have to cut off from peoples in some parts or areas to get better results and yaaa it is like that as you said yo 😂🎉🎉❤

[@monkeymind3917]

Thank you so much for your wisdom! 🥰🥰🥰

[@tanvitayal6300]

Very nice

[@harikaprinces9534]

Ur just awesome 👌 ❤

[@03tika]

I love this video-

[@sandipahir5499]

It's helpful sir 👍👍

[@pavankumarpv8881]

Thank-you so much sir for your great idea ....Because of disappointment I cutdown enough members even after having great bonding with them since long time ....But one small question sir after cutting them completely how can I go to them to have a conversation now ....Can you plz tell sir

[@diyaarora2772]

The answer i have been searching since weeks now😭 I can’t thank you enough. This certainly became an affirmation for me😭😭😭🫂

[@Archies255]

So true

[@apekshagandotra6104]

I wish I had seen this earlier. I have blocked so may people out of my life😂

[@gouthamibora5221]

What if we get disappointed with the same person again and again and again several times

[@The_Design_Diary]

❤

[@darkraigameingdk7738]

Lovely❤❤❤🌹🌹🌹🌹

[@cycyoo2617]

But don't u feel sad when the 9 person becomes 6 all of a sudden

[@BeWithChoti]

😍

[@DuoIndo]

Aapko kaese contact kr sakte hain. Plz share mail id

[@sandrakavarana6793]

Shridhar, this not only is by far one of your best videos, it IS one of the best videos I've ever seen. The scale/spectrum you suggested is a superlative idea. Also, you ve indirectly instructed not to annihilate relationships based on impulse ,ego and anger, but your approach is rational and nurturesome. Your are blessed to be endowed with precocious thinking and wisdom. The viewers are in turn , blessed to see these clippings and even more blessed, if all this wisdom is put into practice.

[@deepaparthasarathy9179]

This is such a great video! This way of dealing with relationship should be taught at school at young ages and we will have a much happier planet. I realised that I am somewhat following this after years and years of experience and disappointments. This is a very very important video. I would like to meet you someday. Always a pleasure listening to you. Good face and brilliant mind is a rare combination 😀

[@bharati6190]

You arey so right! Schools should be teaching this stuff. I found this video this morning, and I am listening to it the third time and have also saved it for future and shared it with friends.

[@jytr123]

Yes agree he is handsome too ya 😉 ideal husband material.. lucky his wife 😁

[@suppusoora]

I just love this !! It put me into this great mode of self-reflection ! What a simple idea, just put your relations on a spectrum! It’s a great idea! One question however is this works when I have to choose to meet with certain people for an hour or a day but what about the people who just barge in without checking if we are available or have some other commitments? There’s this one family of my husband’s friend’s, on a Friday night they just barge in without even checking on us if we have plans! And we out of hesitation or whatever can’t say anything as it seems like that we are making a big deal out of it! For instance, yesterday Friday evening , after work I had planned my time to the T as I had school assignments to finish and fix my daughters clothes for her school competition the next morning and I had some other commitments! So this family along with my husband decide to go for a night out which I was absolutely okay with as I was happy I got the house for myself to work peacefully! Around 9:15 pm this friends wife texts me that her daughter is coming to my house from a game and as I was checking the text I hear her daughter ring the doorbell! I was super pissed and did text her back saying that “I’m busy and my daughter is busy but my younger one is free she will entertain your daughter” but no fault of this child’s who showed up at my door hungry and tired (she had no clue that her mom had just texted me) !! By this time I had dinner and cleaned up the kitchen and set to working on my assignments! I fixed her a quick dinner and bed as she was going to stay that night The next morning was so crazy that I was in such a rush to fix breakfast and take my daughter to her school Now all this seems not a big deal to many people but I have a certain way that I work things out , why do people assume that everyone’s lives are just like theirs ? Just because they have time on a Friday night to go have fun how do they assume that it’s the same with me! I had commitments! Why can’t people get that everyone has their own idea of fun or response to situations !! How do I deal with this ? Please share tips and suggestions

[@nainajdn]

This video has become a very important lesson for me. I'll come back again to learn norms to manage societal functionings

[@anonymousanonymous7208]

Different way of looking at things. Ordinary counsellors don’t give such good ideas on other platforms. This is so different.

[@veereshmurgodi4839]

Glad to have watched this video. Needed to watch this badly. Thank you team for providing such great information and helping me come out of my negative mindset

[@roja_p]

this is one of the best advices.. I needed this very much… thank you Shridhar for showing the way it should be done. thanks a lot

[@sujeethaca]

Thank you so much for this video.. I was really disappointed because of someone for last few days.. This video really helped me to handle the issue..

[@mamthabc498]

So you need to lower your expectations....🙃🙃 You have been a great help .....in self-help relationship s in my life... thanks a heap for that!!!

[@mswr3351]

I have best friend from 1st standard.. we have been together since 25 years.. we both have disappointed each other a lot since childhood.. but I feel proud that both of us chose our friendship over ego’s and now our friendship is mature enough to handle small disappointment.. we understand better.. this the only relationship I am proud of because two people made it work… ❤ I learned how relation grows with time and we better understand and accept each other and value the presence in lives ❤

[@sharlottearuldas1260]

Shridhar, thank you very much for your insightful advice.A new perspective to my thinking

[@ayushijoshi3139]

This video is a godsend. I am going through an incident in my life where i am just constantly thinking how cld xyz do thid to me? Did"nt xyz think how much certain action of theirs will hurt me? How cld xyz turn a stranger all of a sudden? Did"nt they care for me enough? ....nd the list goes on. It was literally eating me inside. Cld"nt focus on my studies as well. Just saw this video nd realised......koj or person ni, meri expectation hi mujhe hurt kr ri hai. I mean.... I was in love with the idea of that 'ideal xyz' but in real , they were never this. It was always my expectation. Nd when they did"nt make up to my expectation, i wld get upset nd dissappointed nd the whole cycle of overthing goes on. Thanku so much shree dhar. I kind of feel.....life is not tht complicated jitna hum usko dusro se expectation rkh ke or soch soch ke bna dete hai. 😄 THANKU FOR THE AMAZING CONTENT. U r the best ❤

[@umaashwath7471]

What about narcissistic egoistic friend , who don't wish to listen that they did bad. For quite many say relatives friends family yes may be right. But definitely NOT in case of Repeated hurt inflicted by same individuals - can't b considered. 👇🏻 Even years of tolerance doesn't work . Some remain same n stupid, passively abusive...in garb of frend or relative even it could be from personality disordered professional. Could give solid eg/-. Another eg/- say a school college close friend who seems to be getting into kind of drinking or drugged ( by medications etc ) is not safe for youth or even older adult . These days it's getting risky. Vulnerable fall prey. Again eg/- could be given. Tarnishing family peace.

[@hemantbanik]

Wow.. This is a gem of a video. Thanks for making this one! Very very needed.

[@divyanibhargava5200]

Wat if the person is 9 gor me but he shows me that I'm a 3 to him...says its 9 but i know I'm 3....then....break up?

[@balusupatisrikanth218]

hi, sir, my name is B.Srikanth I am doing research about Who should choose the career of a child - parents or children higher education can you please tell me who will make the decision? about university-level sir

[@kavanaj9212]

Amazing Vedio Sir👏👌 Learnt to effectively deal with people

[@mleys3248]

I am so guilty of that. My whole life I have been really quick to write a person off. Your proposal is a much more balanced and a really mature way to handle relationships. I kind of sort of have been doing your approach in the last year (I am 52). But hey, it is never too late to change ones behavior. 🤷‍♀🤷‍♀ I will only make two exception to this new behavior : I will no longer tolerate narcissists and people that drain my energy. If I feel energyzed by your presence you will be on the scale as of 5 up. Narcissists that are close family are at 1. I can support them 30 min to an hour every 2 months. But sometimes, you can not believe how they can F up your mind in that short amount of time. Their comments and efforts to bring you down sometimes linger for weeks and stop you from growing and progressing in live. Thank you for this video. You just gained a subscriber. Love from Belgium

[@arrehman123]

Fuck i came very late to this video i guess now o have only one friend left who is at 7 i guess, i completely cut off some of my really good friends because of the reasons you have mentioned. I used to a person with lot of friends and sort of extrovert. Now i am introvert with just one friend.

[@ketakidesai9897]

Thanks for a wonderful video as always.!All your videos make us introspect.

[@highonart2204]

Really helping me. If we keep cutting off people every time they fail to pass our standard we will be left with no people.

[@meenakshishaanvi8947]

Sridhar your speaking is so fast that have to turn the playback speed on 75 speed 😀😂 but nice 👍🏻

[@smritiyadav9962]

Very nicely explained Shridhar ji. I will share this video's experienced with my students in my next class. As they are adolescents ,they do go through such type of instances regularly. This will definitely gonna help them. 😊🙏💐

[@sonalbosamiya7718]

Nice video sir ...good tips for socializing...sir i request u too make video on dealing with inlaws and how to develop good healthy relationship as i m finding difficulty to maintain a balance regarding personal growth and their expectations for me

[@SaumyaYogaaa]

Thank you so much once again.... May God bless you with all the happiness of life

[@guptarinu]

Lovely video … clarity of thoughts … Sridhar life school 👍👍👍

[@dipaliacharekar]

yesterday I was disappointed with my close friend's lie ,saw your video on right time which helped me immediately,otherwise pata nahi kitna din ye feelings Dil me leke rehti,God bless❤

[@purnikaashok1397]

Wow that's really good and I needed that .... Thanks so much for the video.

[@aliciagc2539]

Thank you. You just saved me an entire session with my therapist.

[@hkiron]

I hear you, Shridhar. There are some very close relationships wherein certain behaviours are unpardonable, however you try to be charitable about it. But you cannot just wish them away too. You suffer every time you are exposed to them; remembering their travesties a-fresh. What do you do ? Even after 'degradation' -- on the spectrum you suggested.

[@sunnieenglishmedium7082]

Very informative video, tnq so much . We have learnt a lesson today.

[@tanusreemukherjee315]

I not only share your videos but also recommend all my friends to subscribe 🙏🙏 Thank you

[@shambhavisharma4742]

Thankyou so much for this video...this will be really helpful ...As i feel this as a big problem in my life...but the way you taught us how to deal with this..can ultimately replace the unnecessary action that we might take whenever we get angry. Thankyou 👐

[@Memepage9]

Wow this is so perfect way to handle these ppl 😂❤ I’m impressed 9:50

[@M-od2im]

One should believe in their set definition of relationship be it friendship or colleague or partner. When you are not confident of who is who in your life you'll set yourself up for a big mess that would make you question your own thoughts. Just like how its explained in the video... Invest in those who love to invest in you. The Investment doesn't necessarily has to be equal it is subjective and should be personal

[@ssd333]

Thank you so much, really helpful and eye opener 🙏🏽

[@pollytheparrot8929]

We need to remember the numbers on the scale for specific person 🙄😀

[@aishwaryamohanty4171]

Twinkle twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are. This is seriously too good to be true. I mean, i always keep on asking myself that will i ever get someone or something from where I can get some response to my questions my dilemmas. I really want to thank you for these amazing videos. I bless you from heart and thank you alot. 💕💕💕

[@bhaktikarekar6445]

Most Underrated channel on youtube! Golden content!

[@03tika]

I’ll be really disappointed 😝😜😜

[@Deleted_account007]

Wonderful lesson..... Sometimes I feel hurts.... Why I don't have friends... Finally I realized I'm cutting off people who never priorities me.... I'm feeling blessed to watch your video .. ... Love and support from Tamilnadu 🙏

[@nagasri4363]

What if parents disappoint us time and again and inspite of me trying to explain them my hurt they simply think that what they did is correct. I’m 40 yrs now and yet not able to handle this pain. How do I deal with them? Yes they are 10 on 10 on the scale for me. But how do I deal?

[@ShilpaRR29]

I can understand your situation. I am also struggling with same things. What I have seen is that if I accept that they are like that due to their upbringing and cannot change, then it makes it easier. I have to appreciate the sacrifices they made for us. Then i see them differently so it becomes easy to forgive them and move on.

[@recreateyourlifewithcharu250]

Realistic approach towards relations.

[@chitrabalakrishnan2725]

Best wishes to you Shridhar! 😊😊

[@kashishpasi5165]

this is very helpful thank you so much 🥰

[@stutidwivedi6449]

Simply amazing perspective 🙌🏻

[@apoorva37]

Amazing video - but what if the person we travel with is always stressed about everything and doesn’t have a sense of adventure and they are our spouse/kids/parents! We cannot avoid traveling together after all. Thanks for a solution there.

[@M-od2im]

If someone close to you is always stressed then you need to understand why is that so. It cannot be part of nature to remain stressed as that would be hard to believe for one to remain in that position. Maybe their definition of how to have fun has not been explored. You should not avoid such people instead sit down and talk to them. If you're close to them then they are close to you and you may or may not have a contributing factor to their stress or relief. Do what you can do best for closed ones!!

[@kateroth7154]

I loved this video. Thank you.

[@2010hy]

You my friend, make a good life guru.

[@jyotisethi4257]

Well explained.... always

[@Kanan-Shah]

Eye opener! Thankyou Shridharji for the much needed advice.

[@manuyadav9478]

Sir please make these videos in hindi also

[@Funny_bones7777]

Thank you for this video

[@smitasharma8977]

Very true and simply superb

[@Ananthaneni]

Enlightened by this video

[@pixie89]

Thanks a lot. What a gem 💎

[@youonlyliveonce7994]

Such practical advices

[@charujain581]

Very nicely explained 👌

[@hasnuhana_888]

Why m getting u nowww!!!!

[@sangitashruthi5622]

Even after watching video it didn't change anything about a person to cut him off for safety, to be toxic free, manipulative.