Shutdowns| Purple Ella

Ros and I are talking about our experiences of shutdowns. How they feel, why they happen and how to embrace a lifestyle which supports the autistic brain. More below
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A little bit about me:
Hi I'm Purple Ella and my family is an autism family with three out of five of us on the autistic spectrum. So life can be a challenge but also a lot of fun.
Helpful links
The National Autistic Society - autism.org.uk
Hypermobility Syndromes Association - hypermobility.org

[@alexisdireen5294]

Ever since I got my diagnosis, I started realizing how many "panic attacks" were actually shutdowns and/or meltdowns

[@xEloiseKerryx]

Same

[@pblogic007]

Thank you for this video. I am a 44 year old man and I am just realizing that I am Autistic. This is may be the first time in my life I've felt like I'm not alone.

[@rollespil1000]

I'm in a similar situation. Learning about autism has made it so much easier to understand my problems. Things make a lot more sense now, and it's such a relief!

[@steben3318]

I'm a 53 year old man and have just today started researching autism and I've spent the last 8 hours going 'oh my god' that's what I do, that's me. Before today I just termed myself as a bit of a social cripple and accepted my uneasiness around normal activities, situations and people. You beat me to it by 9 years, good going Mr Bond. I wish you all the best in taking your next steps. When you discover where that step is, do tell.

[@MyASDJourney]

I was diagnosed ASD about 4 years ago ( and ADHD/Dyslexic). I'm still in the process of recognizing autistic behaviors that I used to dismiss or cover with unsubstantiated reasons. It is hard know what is what. I know we are all different, but when my traits do not match someone else's traits, I wonder if I'm really autistic. But there are so many traits that do match I believe the diagnosis was valid. It is fascinating to me how "blind" we are to our own traits. It took me 59 years before I realized I had autism.

[@janewalker1907]

That’s what’s happening to me and I am 58 👏🏼

[@MyASDJourney]

@@janewalker1907 Jane - you're about the age I was when I discovered my ASD. Its been a long hard path to our discovery. I'm still grateful I finally found this truth. That was almost 5 years ago for me. I'm still learning a lot about myself.. and I've, for the most part, accepted what I've found. I wish you a healthy, healing process on your ASD journey.. " Welcome Home!"

[@piiinkDeluxe]

I'm 31 and just discovering more and more autistic symptoms within me which makes me think I should go get diagnosed. I have that "impostor" feeling as well.

[@KnightBott]

I’m just diagnosed at 51. Mixed emotions still. Happy, relieved, stressed, depressed. I’m hoping to get leveled out in the emotional department. I’m currently trying very hard to be kind to myself. I have a response for many things said here. But I just cannot go on about them right now. I too have always been the one making sure everything is perfect and fun for everyone, and I have been the entertainer, the joker, and have also wondered, “But where am I ?” The retrospective as well as current discoveries about my life seem to never end. I’m grateful for the Purple people and all of the other ASD community members on KZbin for giving of yourselves in the way that you do. It really does make it feel as if I am not alone.

[@thegiantmimir4664]

I have recently suffered a two week shutdown. I have been working from home during a high-stress project and found myself unable to respond to e-mails, or pick up the phone, and sat watching the meeting reminders come and go like someone locked into the back of a Black Cab where the driver had popped off for a bit. The engine was running, but I was staring into middle distance and dozing off whilst sitting at my desk, my leg jiggling so much that I ended up with an inflamed knee joint. A two week flinch, waiting for... I don't know. The universe to punish me for inaction? Thanks for working together to articulate a very human experience.

[@joeblow1942]

You must be self employed to be able to do that, right?

[@loricat5606]

@@joeblow1942 Maybe. For most it doesn't make a difference, because no matter how important it is, a person in shutdown can't just "make" themselves do something. And yes, that can make it very hard to keep a job that's not built to accommodate that.

[@Nyctophora]

There it is again - the feeling of "Oh, so that's what it is!". Thank you.

[@vampbie55]

I've felt like this ever since the beginning of quarintine till now I'm not sure shutdowns last for this long but it's what I feel especially brain fog it's so bad sometimes I cant even think a full sentence

[@dkj7179]

Haha…”This is really not great!”. I’m the opposite - don’t have what’s typically described as meltdowns, but most definitely have shutdowns. And it is hard to describe what it feels like. If you have them, no description is necessary, if you don’t, no description is adequate. I’ve been told that it’s disturbing and distressing to others nearby, so that’s something to consider. I agree, that when I find myself pushing through over and over for too long, shutdown is eminent. Keep doing this and burnout is eminent. That’s my experience. Even though alexithymia makes it difficult, it’s important for me to pay attention to the early signs. Prevention is the answer for me.

[@DolceSuono9]

I feel like I'm just surviving. My job in public education, my apartment life, the constant barrage of noise and constantly having to adjust on a dime when, sometimes, I just can't. I'm trying to pay off school loans and this and that, I feel like I have little free choice. I don't make enough money to just move, rent and housing prices and land prices are skyrocketing, and I come home and put ear plugs in and crash nearly daily. Trying to find ways to adjust, but tired of being made to feel I'm just not pushing myself hard enough.

[@popworstenbroodje862]

Okay, so I have now officially realized that I am crushing really hard on Ross.

[@lindadunn8787]

How many times have I watched this video? Not counting. Beneficial and enjoyable always. Thank you. Today's viewing take away? I agree with depression most likely not being the culprit in circumstances described so understandably by you two lovely ladies. Feeling the relaxation that comes with the satisfaction of validation after decades of invalidation. Gracias.

[@fatim1794]

I'm gaining so much information about myself listening to you guys and it makes me understand myself much better

[@anastaziya7330]

I experienced something during a party once. I was already really freaked out about going to birthday party for two of her friends. When we got there my fiance went across the room and started talking and I had to keep my head above water on my own and a group of people that were new to me or that I haven't really spoken a lot too. And then host shortest a comparison picture of how much weight he lost compared to how he used to look. He was standing against a forested background, with a sweater on orange beard, dirty blonde hair. When I saw the picture it instantly reminded me of Rodger Wakefield from Outlander the series. But instead of saying that what came out of my mouth was, "you look Scottish". In which he proceeded to ask me if the reason I said he looked Scottish was because he looked fat, regarding the picture where he was bigger. I told him no it's because of the beard but he cut me off and was like no it's because I was fat there, and... I didn't hear what he said after that because I became paralyzed. There I was in a social situation with a group of people at his birthday paety, and he just interpreted my words as calling him fat. I couldn't move, I couldn't talk, I wanted to defend my thought but I didn't want what I said to be misinterpreted again. My reseaded into my own head and body or a few seconds. I couldn't hear, take in a visuals, to be honest I don't even remember what happened to the picture after that. The inability to clearly convey my thoughts coherently when I speak or write happens often, so I'm often tongue tied or have confusing sentences written down. If I try and ask questions in class the teacher often misunderstands what I'm trying to ask and answers something else. Even after trying to clarify what I mean they still don't understand, so when they asked me if I understand I just say yes because I feel like it's useless trying to continue to clarify something that makes complete sense to me but for some reason they can't understand. After situations like that I often rethink what I've said an try to think what did I say wrong I was speaking in plain English. How can I rephrase it for the 3rd time so I'm heard. And it's so frustrating that I dread social situations and people can't understand why I just would prefer to sit at home play with my colourful balls of yarn. If you gave me a 125 gallon tote filled with yarn balls completely mixed up like Christmas lights into one gigantic mess that would be a fantastic afternoon activity for me to try and take that whole thing apart. What would that be called selective mutism or shut down?

[@taphel7125]

I find a lot of what you’ve written to be highly relatable, and even though I’m not an expert when similar things have happened to me I’ve labelled them as shutdowns and selective mutism.

[@LeaskleineWelt92]

No I can't even wrap my head around your story. Why would he say you think he is fat, when you were saying he looked Scottish. I don't understand the logic he used to come to that conclusion... But maybe that's why I suck at social interaction...

[@angelag303]

Sounds like me at every party I went to (reluctantly, in a panic).

[@CrumbsDM]

Yes, it's really difficult when you are misinterpreted and then literally bullied for their misinterpretation of the situation. It's usually because they themselves have a problem in that particular area. Keep going, some people are insensitive and rude and they are the problem, not us as we really dislike intentionally hurting others xx

[@CrumbsDM]

@@angelag303 xx

[@Thepakistaniaspie]

Fantastic for sharing. I’ve had this my whole life and never knew what it was. It’s like someone is pulling the plug out of me.

[@ashleyjackson7355]

I have a day like the one you described like once a week and I barely get by, but I’m starting to realize that I’m not lazy, I’m not a bad person, I just really really struggle some days. Today is one of those days ❤️

[@PhoebeK]

Hi, I am still waiting for a NHS appointment for an autism assessment (18 months nearly waiting to be offered an appointment) but I have suffered shutdowns since my teens. I get catastrophic shutdowns where I effectively lose consciousness briefly and then do not function well for up to a week when it is really bad, other times I get a untreatable migraines which mean I have to sleep for 18 hours. I definitely find information overload and masking effect it, I find that an academic conference will trigger one even if I take time for myself. I have found that I have been able to cope better once I removed the hormonal triggers (I also have PMDD which courses me significant fluctuation in mood and ability to work including triggering shutdowns, thankfully I have got a specialist consultant for that who has put be on drugs which block my reproductive cycle completely allowing me to have stability). As a research student I can work form home a lot which helps since I can manage the stimulation levels more, but I have definitely found having a mental heath mentor useful in learning how to manage myself. What I find helpful in reducing the chance of a full shutdown is doing colouring or sewing which keeps my hands busy, I can also find sucking chocolate helps (but I have to be careful not to binge as this can make matters worse later as it defers the problem). I have also found that being aware of the build up and getting away from triggers helps when this is possible, such as remote working for a week or so to avoid the triggers on my campus.

[@meme8540]

Thank you!! Excellent delivery you two. I’ve been experiencing these ‘overload’ events for most of my 57 years, and now I see it’s not just depression, etc. 😊 Still on the fence whether trying for a diagnosis is right for me. If I do have Autism I’ll be letting the world know😀

[@kaelaanne2697]

i haven't been diagnosed yet but this literally explains perfectly the days i had to take off from my job working at kwik trip because every shift was overstimulation to the max. the lights were too bright, the people too loud as well as the cash registers and beeping and other noises of the store. i had to mask extremely hard and rehearse everything i said and would analyze conversations and decide what worked and what didn't. and then those days i needed off just felt like i was falling apart and couldn't keep going. it took so much energy and i was exhausted. and no one else could do anything to help i just wanted to be alone. sometimes with my bf i would go into non verbal episodes where i just couldn't communicate what i needed and him touching me or trying to hug me made it worse. or i'd get hella frustrated about something usually with myself and just feel so much rage inside i needed to scream or get it out somehow. but then it would only last so long and things would go back to normal, although i still would just feel exhausted. not being able to get proper sleep on top of that was very hard. just so many things and i'm just now realizing. good thing i have a therapy appt in 2 hours lmao

[@taralilarose1]

Omg! You lost a couple of family members and Cody almost died? I don't know how you do it and with 3 kids? I would be a wreck. My dog got attacked on May 5th of last year and we're still in recovery.

[@aliahali5993]

This video was so helpful for me to understand my partner who is on the spectrum. I used to feel so rejected whenever he needed time alone (completely alone without me) especially when we've just had a nice time together the days before his shutdown. But the way you explained the sensory overload helps me understand that it's not personal and that he just needs one day to recharge. Personally being an NT with anxious attachment style, being with a later in life diagnosed aspie has been a real learning and growing experience.

[@agentargent5127]

You are so lucky to have these friends!! 💜 💜 💜

[@midnightmule2626]

Thanks for sharing ... I think I may be currently in a several-week-long shutdown at the moment ... some interesting points made by you. I can totally relate to the idea that the way you feel now is the way you always feel ...

[@NidusFormicarum]

Some days my mind is immensely dark and I feel in advance that the risk of a meltdown/shutdown is extremely high. Unfortunately, they have often happened in social situation after I had first recognized the danger. It's not just that the risk of a shutdown is high, but I am already in a state where I have partly shut down, which mean, for instance that I can walk three kilometers to see a friend and when she doesn't answer my sms I walk home again. I am completely destructive in my mind. The world is not understandable. Once I get a real shutdown, I am usually not fully aware about what I am doing. Sometimes I can hit a wall for instance, without being aware that I was hitting he wall if people around me react I may suddenly wake up as from a dream just having witnessed myself hitting a wall.

[@heavenlyfamily5645]

Yes I’ve had quite a few shutdowns, also a mum of 3 and when I notice I’ve found definitely resting then following a to do list for the next couple of days helps.

[@lexylily]

I have shutdowns too. I didn't realize until now though. There's just periods of my life where I don't want to exist. That's the only thing going through my mind: "I don't want to exist." So I hide in my bed until I'm better because I really just need a recharge.

[@thegogsunit4084]

I used to come home from work every day and have to sleep for an hour before I could talk to anyone. It is exhausting trying to be funny and hold interesting conversations with people

[@Sameoldfitup]

Walking around outside you know you are outside, but don't know who you are

[@murtazaarif6507]

I can relate to aspects of information overload. I shut the world down for 10 years by stopping watching the news or popular culture. Life became too much for me. I still don't keep up with popular culture for its cheesiness. I used to keep up with everything before. I think I used to mask myself a lot to fit in and be in the know-how with society. It eventually became overwhelming to mask me anymore and I started to look for easier ways of living my life. During my shutdowns, I feel at peace like never before in my own world. I now just have smaller shutdowns when things in my community become overwhelming for me. Covid-19 was the trigger when society calmed down and I came out of my shell. As a result, I dress more sharply because I feel more confident and less fearful of people. I feel that in some psychological way they have gone through something similar that I have been going through all my life.

[@carlataylor9924]

Oh yea! After I learned about me possibly being in the spectrum, I recalled my most recent meltdown and it was refreshing to finally put a name to what was happening. So what had happened to bring on the meltdown was that I had had a normal work week with stress and normal home life with errands and chores and I was kinda tired but I didnt feel exhausted. Just kinda irritable. Well so I come home from work that particular summer day and my laundry room was just covered in thousands of termites! They were everywhere! Now normally, I would have found this humorous as i dont have a termite problem (or maybe I do! Lol) and I'm not scared of bugs either. But on this day, when I came home and saw them everywhere, I literally shouted out at them WHAT IS GOING ON HERE??!! Then after that I tried to smash every single one of them I individually with a rag. I was ranting the whole time and when they kept surviving I started screaming, and I just kept scream ranting until all my physical energy was exhausted. Then I fell down in a heap and just layed there and cried for quite awhile until I became calm. When it was over, i felt a little calmer than I had all week, I looked around and said what the hell was that?!?! Then I immediatly ran to find my cats who i figured were probably scared to death from all my screaming and crying...and when I discovered I was on the spectrum, this was a moment I got to look at from a totally new perspective.

[@mnew4066]

and small talk is a pain

[@zenlife1200]

When I was a child I used to disappear into books. If things were getting too much for me I'd open the door to that other world and walk through. Once I was in there I didn't hear or see anything outside of that book. My Mum used to complain that I wasn't listening to her and even when she'd yell to me to do something, I never heard her. I've no idea if that was a type of shutdown? I'd feel better after I emerged, better able to cope. I could get a similar effect by jumping on my bike and going to the river and just sitting watching the water go past.

[@strictnonconformist7369]

That sounds more like hyperfocus, which when used correctly, is very useful, but there are risks as well.

[@vanessab9584]

I found this /super/ helpful! How do you cope when you're needing to shutdown but your partner is needing attention from you?

[@mnew4066]

I wonder why people that should have the capacity to connect easy such as neurotypicals, don't make an effort or fail to connect with neurodivergents. Why there is so much despair in trying to understand normality when is so boring to see the world in such way. Be gratefull you are so rich inside and work so hard to understand groups . They don't even bother to attempt to know you. How much precious you are then?

[@katrinanorris9690]

Yes I have shut downs so tiring

[@manyhats3846]

Unplugging phone, you don't want to talk to anyone! Its so tiring/struggle! When you get off wound up! When unplugged, you still need to relate to people, but you know that usually its a lost cause! Damned if you do damned if you don't! Too much emo. in a day, hypes me up, and yet I am so tired! Have you ever been too tired to talk/ think, but have the compulsion to still want to talk! Argh! I need transitioning techniques that work! I could keep talking on this, but will close!🌀🛑🤐🥀

[@arc4705]

Has anyone else had a shutdown that progressed into a meltdown? I'm a substitute teacher so I can't pick and choose when I escape to gather myself, but being a sub is a lot of change on a day to day basis, a lot of feeling wronged, a lot of screaming/misbehaving/rude kids who think they can get away with anything because "it's just a sub." And so oftentimes I go between shutdowns and meltdowns rapidly within a day. (Yes, I am trying to look for different work/go back to school for a different profession 😅) Just yesterday I had an experience so bad that I shut down in the morning, and the second the kids were out of the class, I had a meltdown that almost got violent (to myself). But then when the kids came back, I shut down again. By the end of the day, I was so overstimulated and horrified by the behavior that I nearly had a meltdown in front of the students, and had to stop myself from crying when the teacher came back in for dismissal. I have never left a school so fast, and I cried for almost 30 minutes and had to stay outside because I find that less overstimulating than being indoors or on public transit. I hear about meltdown --> shutdown but not much of the reverse. Like, your brain tries to protect you but without a break from the stimulus, you get pushed into a more visibly frantic state. Does anyone else experience this?

[@staciebanks7935]

Ive had shutdowns my entire life but didnt know they were shutdowns. But Im able to see shutdowns in both of my autistic kids but I cant see them in myself yet until after. Like I have a big week. And today is the second to last day. And today is a phonecall thats important. And Im trying to just get through that. And hope that I at least until tomorrrow that I hit complete burnout but theres not anything I can do about it because all of these things actually are in need of being done and cant be put off any longer. Blah.

[@mnew4066]

The " normal" people that we strive so much to be like, use a lot of bad language and regular fits to shuffle through life. See yourself as a model citizen . You are not the real anti-social person, if anything you are the best at doing the right thing always.

[@mnew4066]

I still wonder what keeps a group of mums talking non-stop whilst waiting to collect their kids from school? How much is there to say?🤔

[@bakuyugipokewwe]

This sounds similar to what keeps happening to me everything is such a task to explain and everyone just keeps laughing at me or thinking I'm evil

[@givmarcham7915]

I have both and it's hell

[@dianacutts3403]

Coping with shut Down is multiplying Due to family issues. I'm in therapy I see it has somebody to sound off to It dose not change who I am. usually I'm fine when I'm able to sound off I cannot deal with people who are negative And negative situations . Home is where, I feel Okish.

[@rondarawson6236]

Yup been there...trip over words...can't pronounce correctly...dragging my words cause I can't think what I'm going to say next...

[@Georgiaandfriends906]

A burn out feels like my brain is fried

[@gothicgrandma4559]

I almost wish I could shutdown. My brain just never stops. The obsessive thoughts and when it gets really bad the thoughts turn into ideation and I everything is moving so fast and there so many things going on in my brain but it just never stops. I sleep very badly because I can't switch off or relax ever and I've found my ability to concentrate slipping as I've got older but when I do manage to I fixate on something to the exclusion of all else and everybody else. I'm so tired sometimes I feel like stop the world I want to get off and the only thing I can do is go home where the merry go round in my head still goes on but at least I don't have to deal with other people.

[@helenm1085]

A shutdown isn't relaxing or a break though. After a shutdown I feel like I've been swimming and my body is extremely tired. Your brain is still trying really hard to process things which takes as much effort as actually processing. Maybe if a shutdown happens at home when you have time to take a break it's less awful, but dealing with it in any other context is really stressful. I understand your feeling of wanting to have a break, but you don't have to wish you could replace one bad thing with another bad thing, it's ok to just wish you could rest

[@cerascott3270]

yeah it's why I'm on SSI I have organic brain disorder

[@wildflowersar3595]

Hi Ella, this is really helpful. Thank you:) does Roz have a you tube channel?

[@PurpleElla]

Hi, no she doesn't, she just appears on my channel occasionally.

[@supermum2kids233]

Hi Ella, do you still think this is down to ASD or now you're adhd has been diagnosed, do you think it's possibly adhd? I can totally relate to everything you and Roz have said, but I don't have enough ASD traits to have a diagnosis, but have far more adhd! I'd be really interested in what you think. I'm 56 and am currently waiting for an adhd assessment after not scoring high enough on ASD. Personally I feel I am autistic, my 2 sons are autistic and my youngest has adhd too. They are 27 & 24 respectively, both being diagnosed @19! 🤯🤦‍♀️

[@Gandalf_the_quantum_G]

Hey there, it's been a while you wrote this comment. I just wanted to say, that it's quite a situation to get a asd diagnosis. Unleast here in Germany it's kind of difficult to find psychiatrists, which really know what's key about it. It took me also two runs to get diagnosed and it took years to get that diagnosis (for the waiting lists). Additional it's also quite common to have adhd/add and asd together, the comorbidity is quite high (I think it was around 40/60 percent). I'd recommend to go through the diagnosis of asd more often, if you're convinced, that you have it (of course just if you're not totally crazy and also see unicorns walking down your street and so on, but I assume you're not). I wish you the best. We all were at that point, maybe at different ages, but you're not alone in exploring all these things. Me by the way I've add and asd as well. Have a good one :)!

[@supermum2kids233]

@@Gandalf_the_quantum_G thank you for your response. In the UK at the moment it's less time for the waiting list as assessments are being done for adhd over the phone/online. ASD Assessor only was interested in my traits equivalent to that of the male related information. I was not given time to explain my own personal experiences as a female. The adhd assessment team are booking me with a psychologist who is trained with female assessments for both asd & adhd, although can only diagnose me for the later.

[@Gandalf_the_quantum_G]

@@supermum2kids233 That's exactly what happened to me as well, since I wanted to be diagnosed with asd. Many of the psychiatrists, one was even a professor, kept the diagnosis simple to the more stereotypical traits. Depends on how good one is at coping, one has none of these referred male traits or traits in general. Me as a male I got also not diagnosed at the first assessment, reason: I do eye contact. It was very laughable although, that a specialized asd professor was telling me that. Well, however I wish you the best for your diagnosis! If there is anything, feel free to ask.

[@stephencarpenter3124]

masking makes you ultimately shutdown harder, because you're not blocking off your senses.

[@hanspan28]

I think masking makes shutdown and burn out way worse. I lose days pay from having to miss work because I get so bad. But I can't be my authentic self at work so not sure how to get round that one - I have an employer who discriminates against autistic staff (I've had to involve my union). I think if you're a busy person with a lot of demands its just about making sure you have some down time and can communicate if you feel yourself slipping. Being able to ask for help or having someone who can advocate for you is important.

[@sisfantasto7004]

Too much input. I go into retreat to protect myself.

[@akala-bluesaville9866]

Anyone who compares autistic shutdown with depression quite clearly has absolutely no idea. About either!! I speak from personal experience of both. Extensive and extreme. Just repeating this misinformation leads to stupid people perpetuating and spreading it. It was unnecessary to even mention it. Very irresponsible I must say! I mean from one person with autism to another.

[@VincentRiquer]

The worst I think with shutdowns is other people trying to help. Like, they try talking to you, but you can't talk back, so they start hugging you, which is only making it worse, and you are unable to tell them to stop and just leave you alone.

[@bogmanhimself4656]

i had a panic attack (well, what I'm now realizing is a shutdown) trying to put in contacts for the first time at the eye doctor's, no idea why. the entire office swarmed the table to give me tips and having like 3 people stand in front of me and spread their eyelids made me have to quit and go home. i hate this kind of stuff so much. not because it's their fault, I just feel like the jerk for cracking even worse under their best efforts

[@ChrissyTheMusicFreak]

Im autistic and whenever I have my shutdowns they just keep interacting with me which makes me feel worse and my shutdowns last longer and it gets too much I start to cry cuz the shutdown just ends itself

[@pricklycats]

Usually for me cuddling with my girlfriend and crying helps quite a bit

[@pricklycats]

I don’t want to talk but don’t want to be alone either

[@yacobeinauan9533]

To me them hugging me helps.

[@Aiken47]

I always used to think depression was coming back, now I know better. Yes especially the trying to entertain everyone

[@heathwilder]

Holy heck! You've just given me insights into another type of shutdown that i have. I go into periods where i just can't communicate and almost panic when people come up to me to try to engage. People get really angry about me not being able to engage with them.

[@scoutthespirit1133]

when i look back, i think high school was just one big long shutdown

[@shikukimani4443]

I swear this was me

[@bernadettebradley7951]

Blocking out the system 😎💚🔥

[@lilwinged5291]

Ohhh yes ...

[@scoutthespirit1133]

@@lilwinged5291 feels good to know that at least I’m not the only one lol

[@vivalamew]

You just made me realize that having romantic relationships put me in permanent shutdowns. I see them talk but I can't grasp what is being said. And when I do, I tend to forget what they said. Then I get all kinds of resentments like 'you're not listening!' In the end I always end up breaking up with them because I don't feel like I'm understood or respected. Sigh.

[@MelissaThompson432]

I don't have any helpful suggestions, but I *am* very grateful for this video, because now that I know shutdowns exist, I understand myself a LOT better. I'm that person who needs to be alone a lot because I compulsively "manage" everything for everybody. I knew it wasn't good, but I didn't know *how much* stress it causes.

[@WhiteAngelsCloud]

melissa thompson I now know when a shutdown is imminent but it comes at such inconvenient times. I struggle with the guilt of this. Like Ros says, I’m so busy making sure everyone is ok and I’m like hey where am I?!

[@courterikasmom]

Yes. Yes. Yes. !

[@cynthiafreeman4543]

I have found that doing child's pose and putting my head on the floor, like curling into a kind of a ball for awhile helps me reset after overwhelm. It's almost like a nap.or meditation state and can be rejuvenating.

[@GarsonMaya]

Basically grounding 💖

[@lalaillustrator6295]

I've been working really hard on university work whenever I felt like I was going to feel bad. It's been going on for a while and I think it just created a shutdown. I've been sitting there for a few hours watching videos and not having ANY emotional response to them. It doesn't feel like myself. Advice from me at this moment is just PLEASE ALLOW TIME TO REST. I think I rest when I don't work for 10 minutes or when I shower or sleep, but that's not rest. Rest is being in a calm place doing something that doesn't activates this spirral in my brain.

[@user-wz4nn4ii4r]

I’m not diagnosed, but I’m beginning to really truly wonder.... My therapist (who I don’t currently see) used to just say that I’m the sort of person who goes into a vegetative state when depressed....hm There is no movement, none...nothing...just me sitting on a blank slate, in a blank space....waiting for color and movement to begin again...

[@Katyestella63]

Quite often my shutdowns are the first step of going into meltdown where I at the end I become very agitated where I start shouting I want to go home. I call my shutdowns and meltdowns by calling them my Starfleet crises. I have never learned how to mask my feelings and emotions and never seen a need to do it. When people see me acting different than normal it is hard for them to understand I am not doing it on process which upsets them and makes me feel guilty and very misunderstood when I look like I am staring at them. I do not stare at people intentionally as I am processing my thoughts and processing their conversation at the same time as well as trying to concentrate and process on what their saying and questioning if I am making the right responses which leads to overload. This happens in shopping centres where I am also processing the persons conversation, my thoughts and sensory overload with background noisy conversations, crowds of people, too much information and artificial lightning. It's hard as an autistic adult of 55 as I only got autism at the age of 51 and it's hard to explain to siblings and relatives about my late diagnosis and to explain that I am not using my diagnosis as an excuse for my strange and off putting behaviour. My shutdowns and meltdowns have got worse as I got older as it is difficult for relatives to adjust to me and my diagnosis.

[@donnalee6207]

Everything you said is me ,

[@donnalee6207]

Omg everything you said is me I knew I wasn't the only one we be OK .I think ,

[@drzewowit]

I call my "cerebral nausea", for it is how it feels.

[@_missreverie_]

so this is what it's called...thank you ladies! You two have no idea how much this video has explained a lot of my life when I felt like something was wrong and thought I was broken!

[@gauntlettolife833]

I identify with Ros & her illustrations of what a Shutdown can be likened to ( The Computer analogy ) but I also know the necessity to keep going when you have the responsibility of children on the spectrum ( all 3 of mine are + ADHD ) and holding down an external job. I work in the Healthcare sector and in the work Team ( All NT's although I suspect that 1 may be on the spectrum - my Spectrometer is pretty accurate! ) only 1 knows of my ASD the others just think I'm a bit "odd awkward & opinionated" . However in the adjoining office ( filled with at least 3 nurses ) there is 1 nurse who would clearly know when I was not my "usual self" and would ask me if I was okay? ( I get vertigo when I have shutdowns and severe tinnitus to mention a few symptoms ) one day I decided to disclose to this lovely nurse about ASD and my struggles at work and in life ( I broke down in tears ) she was so kind and empathic which in itself was validating and gave me a sense of not feeling so invisible and excluded. When I shutdown I have no expression on my face, I have a very monotonic voice and I often get blurred vision and hyper sensitive in all of my senses ( It even hurts to wear clothing )I "fade out" as in I cannot hear anything at times ( at work meetings which is very unhelpful ) and when I get Home I even have difficulty undressing myself. I collapse on my bed and cannot speak.... It's a dreadful feeling of disconnect from your body/other people and the world around you. I am blessed to have a Husband who recognises when I am in this state and helps me and gives me the time I need to recover without expecting anything from me. I really enjoy the discussions that you, Ella have with Ros as they resonate with me. Thank you for sharing your experiences and so glad that you have such great support around you. So glad that your Dog recovered ; D

[@Miss_Lexisaurus]

I have a BPD dx but I can relate to this so much. I have found that stopping faking being ok has made me more stable overall in that I have far fewer big breakdowns now. I've learned to just be rude and walk out of groups when it's getting too much and go and have "quiet time" and say no to things that will be more difficult than enjoyable for me. I still have times though where, often after too much peopling, I will just find I'm sat, not doing anything, not even twitching my feet (I'm a fidgeter so that's odd!) like my entire brain & body has just switched off.

[@HYA_CIN]

ME

[@bogmanhimself4656]

OH MY GOD THANK YOU, i tried to politely tell my band mates i was getting frustrated re-recording a song over and over again and i had a meltdown. they started telling me i should have gotten up and left, i seriously didn't even know it was an option. guh.

[@kellyn3347]

Were you aware there is some evidence that some people diagnosed with BPD are actually autistic?

[@Miss_Lexisaurus]

@@kellyn3347 I was not! Have you got any links? I'd be interested to read any research or anything.

[@kellyn3347]

@@Miss_Lexisaurus I just read it in the last week. It's related to people on the autism spectrum receiving other mental health diagnosis because there wasn't enough knowledge or research about testing for autism in adult women. I was so surprised!! I'll see if I can find a link and post it!

[@ruth6833]

You guys are amazing...I can so relate to this video and that giving ourselves permission to be quiet when we need to is key....such helpful advice..huge gratitude!!! Also thanx for raising awareness of asc....it can educate neuro typicals to be more understanding and inclusive. I'm 60 next year and have always struggled in the workplace with selective (situational is a more appropriate word dont you think? ) mutism and shutdowns. Watching these kinds of videos on KZbin during lockdown has finally shed light on why it is that I have struggled so much throughout my life. I am going to emerge from 2020 being far kinder towards myself; also confident and proud to be part of this Awsum tribe I now recognise that I'm part of....Yay!! Thanx again 😅

[@ThePixiixiq]

"Words. In an order that makes sense." I haven't heard others do this. My phrasing is "Words. It's something that's comes out of your mouth from your brains. They usually make sense. I don't have them."

[@lauradean2923]

I just found you and you just described my life. Awaiting assessment. Can’t leave the house right now. Hoping for better times. Thank you for your videos.

[@skyedreams28]

You have no idea how much I needed to see this!!! I have NVLD & just came out of a several day shut down-I’ve always known that I needed this-but realizing this is a much needed recharge helps lift shame-I lived in shame for so long-it’s really sad to think about. I almost enjoy my shutdowns sometimes because I understand that it’s what I need-so I look at it from a self care perspective now.🦋

[@ShoshiPlatypus]

Thank you, both of you, for sharing so openly what it is like to live with your condition. I am impressed with how articulate and self-aware you are. It has given me, and hopefully many other non-autistic people out there, an insight into your world.

[@misspinkpunkykat]

I think I developed shutdowns from being punished and shamed for meltdowns.

[@artisticc]

HI Ella, I have been in a relationship with someone autistic (he just said a bit autistic, but little did i know) but behaved really strange like no contact for days and short replies, he never told me what actually happened and now i finally know it is called shutdowns... Thanks!

[@rachelryan6354]

totally, I have experienced this. i almost got fired because of it.

[@agentargent5127]

Lol 'Everything is good I am rechargeing, but I am not ' Relatable!

[@SandraWade666]

My bf whom I suspect is ASD has shut down for a month. I haven't seen him all this time, and we've barely texted or communicated. I can't take it anymore. If it was a week or so, ok. But a month? I have to live in limbo for a month? All he says is he wants to be alone .2 days ago, he said he missed me. I asked if he felt up to hanging out and watching a movie or something, he said "I'd like to." I said "Let me know when." And then he went silent again. Yet again saying he just wants to be alone. This isn't a relationship, I can't do it. I'm too lonely and I am tired of being in limbo. I tried. I really tried. I'm crying while I type this. :(

[@Backforthefuture]

I can relate on so many levels! Thank you for your honesty. I’m in shutdown right now so finding thought process hard but I’ll come back at some point (under my purple supporter name) and write more 😘

[@rachelhankins6531]

How will people ever understand sensory issues such as hypercausis where there is an intolerance to what to everyone else is normal sounds.. this can't be masked eventually the behavior seems odd and no one gets why

[@PeppermintPatties]

Yes, Ros especially, my shutdowns are exactly like this, and they happen all the time. My brain is like an overloaded computer, and doesn't work anymore and I have a blue-screen-of-de.ath. Also, everything sensory feels traumatising and too much for me. I can't make decisions, can't do self-care, and can't communicate. Need silence, solitude, bath and bed, and to disconnect from human time, and to just follow my own intuition. I also take brain holidays to cope.

[@krissnkat]

One day depression...OMG. thank you.

[@amc8409]

I came across a couple of your videos just today, and feel I found my Purple People! Thank you! But now I have so many questions! It seems that the doctors really don't understand that their "brand" of patients could actually have autism & still dys/function through life!

[@acogedoralunadulce7066]

Shut down in work today (I’m a waitress), and I couldn’t talk or anything but all I wanted to do was shouted ‘I wanna go home’ and crawl up in a ball 🥺 but obviously that isn’t professional so I had to mask it and try not to cry try to breathe thru the panic attack then nap as soon as I got home 😅

[@mshugsandkisses976]

Thanks for making this video. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 44 and I've seen a huge overlap in symptoms of ASD, I assume this is because research is so far behind. I still don't know the difference and I definitely have ADHD. Anyway, I've started looking into ASD due to the overlap. This video helped me see that what I always referred to as being on the verge of panic, sometimes for days, and needing to stay in bed in the dark under the covers. I found talking close to impossible and was either stiff or limp. I also wasn't physically able to get myself home or leave where I was. This happened 3x's while driving and I had to call and get 2 people to pick me up because I couldn't drive my car home. I assumed since I was diagnosed with anxiety that this was just a severe prolonged panic attack. Anyway, long story longer...there also seems to be a misconception that autistic people don't have the social skills to be out going, the life of the party or generally extroverted. So because this is me, I never considered autism. Thanks again for letting me know that this can be the personality of someone with ASD. I didn't think about Autism or ADHD until I learned about masking. To the few people I feel safe enough to unmask around I always explained that my extrovertion came from years of being incredibly shy when I was young, so I just pretended to be outgoing to hide the shyness and fit in better. I now think this is probably aform of masking. However, people who have ADHD are also known to mask. Are there differences I should look for? Would it even make a difference to get a diagnosis this late in life. There doesn't seem to be much support for ND adults. Sorry that was sooo long. Thanks for taking the time to read this💕 I'd appreciate any input you have and understand that what you say is in no way a diagnosis. I'm just curious what you think... and if anyone else made it this far please comment your thoughts. I'm really interested in some thoughts from people with experience. 💗

[@piiinkDeluxe]

I know that anxiety is a common misdiagnosis for people with ASD

[@jwutube43]

During my AUTISM shutdowns I goto quiet locations to recharge mind. I basically hide in nature. I also tend to eat more, as I feel like I'm running out of steam towards a burn-out. It's only natural to get more energy inside ones body thru food, especially if I feel low on energy. FEELING LOW ON ENERGY for me is like going towards my shutdown. It's similar to filling up a tank of gasoline in car. Autistic shutdowns for me feel like my car is starting to get low on gas (aka energy), so I eat. I believe autistic shutdowns get very confused by nuerotypicals with inappropriate hyper-violent behavior. Data? Scientific research? Thanks. Nuerotypicals confuse shutdowns/meltdowns with violence. In America autistics get shot by police due to shutdowns/meltdowns.

[@thelonemaiden]

Yes i just now played this today and i relate to all of the parts about the theme of regulation and energy cycling - and those parts reminded me of how i was perceived, received and judged, and i faked it for survival, was invisible and was directly harmed. while there's proof and plenty of data and observation, i still dont have neither assessment, diagnosis or followthru i'm in such a resistant and backwards region. the medicine and sci news on ''autism'' and perhaps some related neuro conditions/disorders is recent.

[@kellymolenaar530]

Yay! Now I have some information to inform my partner. I have shutdowns almost weekly (didn’t know what this was until recently), he always asks me “what’s wrong”, gets in a bad mood when I can’t reply, thinks that it’s something he’s done, something that has just happened (“you were fine before we ... so obviously that’s the problem... & you’re just overreacting”), I try to say it’s not that, I’m fine just leave me alone to process my thoughts/feelings but he doesn’t, he CAN’T, he sees something is wrong & it needs to be fixed (which is really quite sweet of him) but it causes me to blow up & have a massive meltdown! It should be obvious that I can’t process what he’s saying when I’m covering my ears & shaking/rocking on the ground but he’s just so annoyed that I have “overreacted” again he can’t stop yelling at me (I know he’s just crying out for an explanation because it’s emotionally draining on him when I just seemingly suddenly go all cold/distant/unresponsive), it’s such a vicious cycle. Then I feel so guilty I don’t want to see anyone ever again in case it happens again. I do not possess the ability to identify my emotions, they’re always intricately intertwined with various past, present & future events, & just the bright lighting in a restaurant can set it off, it’s really freaking hard to explain that.

[@Sleepy1984]

Thank you for this video! So relatable! More vides like this please! 💜

[@Themagpiemakerie]

Thanks for this. I'm recently realising that I am on the spectrum, but struggled with not being able to identify with the "meltdown" descriptions I've heard. Shutdowns, however ... Yep. :)

[@Emcy1990]

Looking back this explains what happened during a christmas celebration with my family where I had what I have called "bluescreen of death" all the sudden during it and stopped responding to everything and stopped taking things in. (It was very noisy and so many people talking and so much going on with all the nieces and nephews running around and screaming and creating chaos and all the adults talking and my brain just overloaded and crashed and took quite a bit to reboot and someone was talking to me when it happened and got angry that I shutdown.)

[@ellagracexx322]

Awww , i also shutdown sometimes , hope you are feeling better now 🤗 🥰

[@EB64915]

I find when I'm in shutdown I can just about manage to cope using 1 syllable responses, but often will trip on my words. I need to completely retreat for a few hours with no interruption, sometimes more, I'm currently in bed after work doing exactly that!

[@palominoshine7838]

Thank you for these videos, very helpful.Great to see Ros too!!

[@kaylapaige9128]

Thank you so much for explaining meltdowns & shutdowns & giving advice about them. It has helped me understand a lot more of why I do these things & I don’t feel as bad about myself knowing & understanding. I have a very similar experience to you when I have meltdowns or when I shutdown. It’s nice to know I’m not the only person dealing with this, that I can/need to stop being so hard on myself, & I’m learning that I need to stop pushing myself. Your videos are much appreciated by me, thank you again ❤️

[@carolkraus2422]

Classical music walks in nature help

[@beckacheckaenterprises7294]

Ooh, that’s why I keep bumping into things and everything is too loud more than usual!

[@RainbowLuce]

I've been wondering whether I have shutdowns, & this really struck a chord with me & I think I've concluded that I do. I have my ASD assessment later this month & your video about your assessment also helped me, so I just wanted to say thank you. It helps to be able to label these things which occasionally happen to you without you understanding that they're an actual thing & not just a weird quirk of yours.

[@ambermcivor1456]

I'm currently in complete shutdown and I'm just being treated like I'm being lazy!😭

[@PeppermintPatties]

You aren't lazy. Be gentle with yourself ❤️

[@jonathantowle275]

Yes this happens to me to, I am now aware that if I am in the red ie mentally speeding up then I have to slow down much more with breaks or I will break 🐹

[@sarahdaugherty6849]

I sadly have both. It is embarrassing. When a shutdown happens I don’t communicate with words. I point at whatever I want the other person to know. With making noises. I withdraw and can’t hear what’s going on. I find if the day is just to much I withdraw from reality. My meltdowns are like a tantrum. I pull on my hair bite my inner lips I hit my head or suck my hair or chew it. It drives me crazy.

[@ellagracexx322]

Don’t be embarrassed ! You have nothing to be embarrassed about ! A meltdown isn’t a tantrum !

[@Hedwig-gj2di]

My son is 4 years old and I've been present at every one of his birthday parties. Fully knowing I will melt down and then shut down and it will be horrible for me. Is it more important to be present at your child's birthday party, or is it better to avoid it for the betterment of your mental health? I feel guilty for even asking this question. Last party though, I couldn't stop crying the following night and shut down for days after.

[@lessien68]

My opinion is that you shouldn't feel guilty! You have two enormously important responsibilities: for your kid and for you. I think it's absolutely great, that you join such an important event as his birthday party knowing how terrible you will feel afterwards. Maybe you are able to minimize the meltdown and shutdown by giving yourself enough time before and after the party to get into a good state to survive the event itself and to heal afterwards. That helps me a lot. Every year I go on a short vacation with my mother, my brother and my sister-in-law. Just four day somewhere at the sea. We do this for about 7 years now and the first years I was completely exhausted afterwards. Now I take two weeks off, enjoy a few days alone time at home, go on vacation with my family, and sleep about four days before I go back to work. I am glad that I can do so because I really want to go on that holiday.

[@sparklegushinfinity]

As the child of a mother who experienced what your describing, I really encourage you to do whatever is best for your mental health and self care. Is there another adult who can take care of the party when it's on? You could do some prep organisation and they could do the hosting part? Or if that's not working or feasible you and your child could celebrate their birthday in a different way that feels good for you too, like just the two of you, and then when the child's older they could go for a sleepover or to the cinema? Main thing I want to say is their is absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. The best thing for your child if for you to meet your needs xx

[@sparklegushinfinity]

@@lessien68 this is great advice, I love it so much!

[@lessien68]

@@sparklegushinfinity thank you 😊

[@staceyruwoldt9158]

Thank you for sharing that's was very eye- opening 💕 I'm on the spectrum and I can't say I've had a Shutdown before, and I'm all grown- up, have experienced Selective Mutism though :)❤💙💜 xo

[@christinadonnelly781]

I used to just have the shutdown and I thought it was extreme exhaustion now I normally don't have shutdown unless I have a meltdown first. If too many people try to interact with me in shutdown I will go through meltdown again. Only really learning how to take care of myself to avoid shutdown now. It really does help to have someone there to support you and take care of all the other tasks so the person in shutdown can give their brain a break.