Skyrim - The Vampire That Couldn't Slow Down

[@rolandjaycutter3504]

Little did Zack know, his following the burning vampire would be considered the birth of the Skyrim Marathon that is still held to this day.

[@EmergencyAutismHologram]

It's pronounced Za-choo.

[@dr.bright6272]

Skylimics

[@kinagrill]

Tour De Skyrim

[@TheH454]

Burning vampire lady: ""That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little run."

[@williamleonardreesejr.1992]

"Where is Papa?" "He left to fight in the war. For the Stormcloaks." "Last time you said he was fighting for the Empire." "Go to your room kid."

[@Dracoleon]

12:37 “Burger Jarl, a meal worth burning for”

[@gkdunch]

for real though, the audio getting distorted every time zach goes underwater is the best little detail on youtube

[@kurokaze511]

"Burger Jarl. We'll add blood to it." Note, this special promotion is only available in Sylvania and other select areas.

[@gabrielvieira9578]

Zach just dissing crab and we, as viewers, should remind him he asked his mother, as a Leopard cub, for Crab Rangoon

[@bhart3321]

But vast majority of crab rangoon is made with imitation crab meat aka white fish.

[@bluespartangaming1514]

@16:50 There is actually one muddy lore detail I can immediately remember. Mankar Cameron, the antagonist of Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion is a High Elf like his father, but his mother is a Wood Elf, which defied the established lore that the mother's race would be what the baby is born as.

[@LastOptionPils]

There’s a theory that Camoran might have made himself into an Ayleid using what he learned in the Mysterium Xarxes and what he understood of CHIM. Edit: To clarify I don’t subscribe to this theory I think they just made a mistake on either what race his mother was supposed to be or what race he was supposed to be. Either is possible Camoran is a well-known name in Valenwood with High elves, Wood elves and exiled Ayleids.

[@Twist-The-Friendly-Hunter]

And thus, on this day a grand fun run was born... Travelers far and wide would run the length of the vampires path whilst aflame with a special magic fire that doesn't burn the skin! Many to this day have heard the vampires voice, claiming they heard "ow fcucfuckfuckfuck I'M BURNING UP HERE AAAAAH" come to the skyrim fun run, sponsored by the collage of winterhold and their headmaster... who for some reason is still the headmaster even though he never is at the collage... The fun run isn't for the faint of heart, the following dangers apply. Wolf attack, foresworn raids, potential vampire attacks and attacks by Zach as you have cool weapons or armour.

[@thegreatpumpkin4564]

You guys basically stumbled upon Hjalti's sword. Normally, you're supposed to talk to the ghost who then requests it from you. Its a reference to Hjalti Early-Beard who is one of three individuals supposedly making up Talos A.K.A. Emperor Tiber Septim.

[@TheOneToRate]

Ah yes my favourite show! Zach visually exemplifying ADHD

[@shtembyduelsson]

9:07 edits like that are why I admire Mike's work ethic so much.

[@laurencefraser]

IRL, lobster being a luxury food came with the railways in the USA being able to delive it to places that were WELL away from the sea, where any decent sea food at all was a luxury.

[@PattPlays]

18:20 AND SO YOU FEEL THE POWER OF NIGHT sneakingsneankingsneakingsneaking

[@orionpax2115]

Zach really retold the New England indentured servant lobster thing almost verbatim but from elder scrolls perspective

[@FrenchyMcToast]

Fun Fact: there _are_ quadrupedal khajit, some the same size as a house cat some the size of a tiger, as well as a larger number of bipedal forms than have been shown in the Elder Scrolls. The shape they take is determined by the phase of the moons when they're born.

[@catdogsking8658]

Can’t wait for Zack to go to the soul caren and finding out what happens to all the souls he has been stealing.

[@bhart3321]

Eating shellfish for every meal is a great way to end up with dibilitating gout too.

[@DustyChapter]

I've heard the reason lobsters became luxury was the invention of refrigeration, making them safer to eat for much longer, as before then food poisoning from them was very common. (Fun fact, this is likely the reason why the old testiment says not to eat crustaceans)

[@MisterHalt]

Lobster goes bad VERY quickly because of the bacteria they carry. Like, it almost immediately starts rotting when it dies. Once trains and tourism came along, people who didn't know about its origins would try lobster and enjoy it. Demand rose, and because the lobsters had to be shipped alive, it cost more.

[@AlexanderTF]

10 minuets of chasing a random NPC and then getting distracted by a cave ... sounds about right for the Skyrim experience ....

[@fujipuff5328]

I like the new ork companion better then Sophia already

[@kaffielekobold8695]

Zach has systematically pissed off the entire state of Maryland with his crab rant. XD

[@TheLastRegnadian]

Zach, Restoration is a perfectly valid school of magic

[@juandemarko8348]

I like watching the puddles gather rain

[@jet2550]

Moment I saw that Orc I knew Sofias time was up.

[@pheonixflyer13]

28:23 "What was that? I was too busy thinking about *fuUuckin'."

[@gunpowdergelatine6358]

Hey Zach take a chicken foot, pull its tendon and watch the spur wiggle

[@giantmastersword]

The only companion that zach likes- a burning vampire

[@ChuckNorrisIsNothing]

5:42 Zach are you trying to say: "Variety is the spice of life?

[@Darumaster]

I can't believe we're having the lobster talk. AGAIN!

[@dr.bright6272]

Vampire: I am speed!

[@niklausvenzendt]

24:03 a rude child temporarily turns Zach and Mike into chickens

[@librarianseth5572]

Zach makes Ridcully look competent as a wizard

[@MisterHalt]

Ridcully's a good enough wizard, he's just not a competent Archchancellor.

[@librarianseth5572]

@@MisterHalt So he's more or less Zach

[@gerretshadow7599]

The state of Maryland would like to talk to you.

[@Hollow_Phoenix]

Zach on crossbreeding: "The baby would be the same race as the mother" ...wait, that's correct, good job Zach :O though Mike is also right that it quickly gets blurred regardless. See the book Racial Phylogeny in game for more :)

[@drunkendragondx2750]

I have to agree with Zach crab and lobster is not that good but if it's in something else it's amazing.

[@Sigma-gb9yd]

Funny thing about Khajiit, they have a subspecies that are just giant cats. Like saber cats. Just, you know. Sapient. They also have a subspecies that are little cats. Like house cats, but sapient. And you might get any of the 17 of them depending on the parentage and the phases of the moon. Mostly the phases of the moon, though.

[@davidiceberg2744]

Kajit being the offspring of man and a cat? Preposterous! It was obviously an elf who had carnal relations with the saber cat!

[@PattPlays]

16:45 hehehehehe bretons

[@ryanjones_rheios]

Meh, I've eaten grasshoppers and moths. Sea crustaceans are pretty darn different on the pallet. The place I've noted crossover is in crawfish, tbh. There was a fungus outbreak, iirc, and the lobsters (and clams/mussels) massively died off. As a result they became rarer and thus valued.

[@doctorzed7706]

zach forgets that kwama eggs are the main staple in Dunmer diet. honestly most of morrowind is made up of bugs or lizards now that i think about it.

[@lefteron6804]

Day I lost count of waiting for Sofia to be dragged into the most fiery pit of the Deadlands. I'd sent her to Coldharbor but she'd be into it. Update: WE ARE FREE and got someone who seems more interesting.

[@TayDoesStuff]

"I've never had any respect for you guys" okay she's growing on me

[@Badazzgamer43]

I enjoy ur guys's skyrim adventures Arguably more then the fallout ones. Dont get me wrong i know u guys for ur fallout adventures its what ur known for. But skyrim is near and dear to my heart and it always will be. So these adventures u guys have carry weight to me i enjnoy it more. and as u guys might of guessed companions take the place of the fighters guild in skyrim. baiscly just a mercinarys guild where they valu honor nad integrity.

[@pbsixgun6]

That was one of the strangest encounters......lol

[@danieljacob9717]

To be fair about lobster the kind that poor people ate would’ve had nothing in common with the kind that people with more money eat. Poor people lobster would’ve had little to no seasoning and probably only cooked to a point where it wouldn’t cause food poisoning but all the flavor was cooked right out of it. Nowadays people use all sorts of herbs and spices to cook lobster and combine with other food like surf and turf.

[@13shadowwolf]

Enchanting plus Alchemy means you can create absolutely insane items. I had several rings that did everything from near infinite carry weight, to limitless mana, or health so high that I didn't need armor. Mostly what I did was build a smithing set so I could make any weapon or armor strong enough to not need to be enchanted. I hated the recharge function of using soul gems to power stuff.

[@jamescarlwilliams338]

It's funny that you can hear the disdain for Sofia growing in Zach every time she opens her apple pie hole.

[@darthskarr8975]

3:28 no, but there are Khajiit that look like Saber Cats. And some look like House cats. Depends on the phase of the moon when they were born.

[@walnzell9328]

3:29 To answer Sofia's question. No, they are not related. While there are many forms of Khajiit, some of which that look like tigers and even walk on four legs, and others that look like kawaii catgirls, saber cats and Khajiit are not related. To answer her second question, humans and elves cannot procreate with any form of Khajiit. So no, a human and a saber cat definitely couldn't either. 16:32 They can't have children together either. 16:42 It's more complicated than that. The Bretons wouldn't exist if this were 100% definitive.

[@trenchcoatbandit]

You just need knowledge of Luminal Bridges

[@ZeroSuitSamo]

Moral of this episode: shrimps is bugs

[@aviatorengineer3491]

Sofia casually showing _blistering_ racial insensitivity toward Khajiit and a general disregard for the poor and homeless. She's a real catch.

[@sparkslegends7482]

I beat Elden Ring 10 times and it keeps being fun every single time I play it.

[@ChaplainBald]

Gonna run all day, till the vampires gone

[@jimothyfakeson5288]

Supposedly, lobster became a viable food option during the second world war? Then it became depleted and exclusive as a food.

[@Hell_O7]

There's probably a big, untapped market for an enchanter-blacksmith job in Skyrim society.

[@Hell_O7]

At least lobsters are still food. How do people even manage to trick people into thinking gold and gems are that valuable when all they were is just shining stones?

[@Hell_O7]

4:46 10:38 22:44

[@Sunrie]

I honestly thought the title was The VIRGIN That Couldn't Slow Down...

[@aye_its_sparky7164]

"Heraldry" a more formal name for a banner.

[@WinegedDragoon]

Depending on what brand you get, not sure if it's all or not, but Imitation Crab actually has some crab in it, not much, but it does have some. I've never had actual crab or lobster as I can't stand the smell of it, but I've had Imitation crab and lobster and looked at the stuff before. Though to be fair, they can put whatever they want on those to make it look believable.

[@dodo-uz4ct]

Rocky theme song for the vampire

[@passbyicecube]

Zack and Mike's food rant is one of the things they talk about that constantly remind me they're Americans.

[@scifimisc9191]

To be fair to Sophia, thats not THAT far off from where at least some Khajit come from

[@StrangeandConcerning]

Dude, Morrowind has bugs the size of dogs, Sabre cats, and mammoths. Almost everything there has an exoskeleton.

[@trenchcoatbandit]

ngl crab cakes are pretty good. crabs themselves are disgusting little buggers. i do not miss the smell of crab fishing XD

[@JollyBonesTheSkeleton]

Lobster and brisket, both food the Common folk wouldn;t eat and now everyone does

[@naomy1701]

i love Sofia, definitly one of the most hilarious and well made companions imo, realy has alot of funny comments ^^ top 5 easily, alongside Recorder (for ppl that arent bothered with some sillyness and 4th wall breaking atleast >_

[@cjmoore4313]

10:43 Zach recognizes Rush?!

[@glenngriffon8032]

Nah the ad should show a vampire in his castle looking at pints of blood and to all of them he reacts like it's boring. Then he looks out the window to see Burger Jarl. And then looks up cause it's a sunny day. Cut to a tiny montage of the vampire putting on heavy winter gear. He runs out of his castle, down the valley, through the woods, to the freeway. He bursts into flames as he gets there. He gets inside. The fires stop. Vampire walks up to the counter and asks for number 1. Then the announcer says "when you're craving the delicious taste of a burger jarl flame grilled steak burger nothing will keep you from it. Burger Jarl, it's a burger _and_ steak." Then the vampire, now full, looks at the camera, worried. "Steak?" He asks and poofs out of existence like a cartoon. Cause steak, stake. Pun haha funny.

[@kevinlee6580]

Guys I want to thank you for all the random side tangents and other ADHD fueled nonsense that I love because it helped me realize that I needed help. Apparently I had more symptoms than I thought and here soon will be getting treatment for ADHD, PTSD and anxiety.

[@chriskoloski32]

Crabs and lobsters aren't bugs. They're shell fish. Zach is missing out on some really tasty meat

[@Nicholas86753]

Unfortunately, evolutionarily speaking, Lobster is most closely related to Cockroaches.

[@noway8259]

@@Nicholas86753 That's not how arthropod cladistics work,

[@PattPlays]

butter thats why

[@LongWolf1987]

Treasure septum racoon is zachs new spirit animal confirmed?

[@Mr.Se7enn]

Zack! Its a banisters.

[@randomxproductions9594]

Ive heard zak be wrong many times but never as wrong as he is about shellfish

[@serPomiz]

imitation crab meat is good. too bad it was not called differently, it really cuts on the chance to find it around lobster is considered "luxury" because lobsters takes a longer time to grow to the point it get worthy to eat them and it requiring it a non indifferent amount of care, this combined with how HARD it is to get it in area that are far away from the sea (AKA, most of the us), makes it a food that is not as cheap as it could be as a baseline

[@jonashartman3059]

All right, now I want to see a one off of these guys trying to play Elden ring together. 😆😆😆

[@chriskoloski32]

Didn't mike and zach just in the last episode say vampires were just myth while hanging with the companions. I thought they'd keep up the bit

[@suntiger745]

That was ages ago. They just forgot.

[@trenchcoatbandit]

yeah it the blue neather light alright

[@filmandfirearms]

I'm genuinely curious if Sofia was the result of someone asking "How disgusting can we make a companion before people just want to murder them?"

[@jab9109]

They introduced me to her, I downloaded and I honestly love her. Best companion mod 10/10.

[@filmandfirearms]

@@jab9109 Everything I've tried to say to point out how much of a horrible person she is gets deleted by KZbin

[@filmandfirearms]

@@jab9109 KZbin won't let me argue against you

[@jab9109]

@@filmandfirearms xd

[@filmandfirearms]

@@jab9109 Now it worked. I wonder if the almighty algorithm didn't like being pointed out

[@FlippySuper]

Weird how npc vampires don’t die of the sun. It’d be funnier if they did and you saw them suddenly fall to the ground

[@GhostBear3067]

Or burst into flames like some mobs in Minecraft.

[@Midnight-kz2vh]

Hell yeah Batman

[@beck-nightengale]

Zach having a giant women preference confirmed. (I'm sure it's been mentioned before, but I appreciate that he likes the tall ladies.)

[@billkehler]

You guys should do an episode of badly translated Skyrim

[@TenkoBerry]

This this is Great Keep it Up 👍

[@memesextreme4937]

Emotional support raccoon

[@kassandraofodyssey6475]

Yknow the weird thing about vegetarians is that they don’t eat meat and only just not meat. They eat eggs and they eat fish. They will eat aquatic animals but they won’t eat terrestrial meat.

[@davesthrowawayacc1162]

What if when Klaus Schwab and the WEF says they want to make us eat bugs they actually mean lobster and crab?

[@thegaspoweredmidget117]

When you guys playing dead space 3

[@eloquent_redneck3719]

having worked at red lobster I have no clue why lobster and crab is always sold at such a premium, I'll take regular shrimp or salmon over lobster any day

[@anegwa]

I am playing Elden Ring right now and when I see an Ulcerated Tree Spirit I just leave the area. The loot is never worth it

[@TheAussieBlue]

Nirnroot is actuall not valuable. Its a garbage alchemy ingredient as well. Hey, mix mora tempalla, impstoll, and canis root to make a poision that does strong poision damage and paralysis.

[@PattPlays]

13:13 Based saints and seducers ignoring

[@dougals1234]

Seriously I need that map mod ported to xbox with all my soul. (And also for the Bethesda mod browser to not suck ass)

[@spv4711]

For me cracking open a crab is not worth the work

[@walnzell9328]

Chances are the vampire wasn't taking any damage at all. However the sunlight damage effect *is* pretty crap. It's more annoying than anything, but I have seen it kill players with vampirism before at higher difficulties.

[@walnzell9328]

It's never been clear how soul trapping and soul gems work. From Arena to Morrowind, all living and even unliving beings could be soul trapped in regular soul gems. Even people. Then for some reason in Oblivion the only way to trap a person's soul was to use a black soul gem. Which only the followers of Mannimarco know how to make. And now in Skyrim you can find black soul gems basically anywhere. I've heard it has to do with what guild makes the soul gems, and apparently the one in Morrowind made theirs so they could trap people? It doesn't make much sense to me. With this in mind, the level of soul an NPC has should not be taken as proof of a species being people or animals. Like the Falmer. Just because most Falmer have petty or lesser souls does not mean they are no longer people.

[@kaiserin6977]

what mod is that orc follower from?

[@RIGman0497]

I feel like a doofus, but which album are you referencing at 10:45?

[@Hunter-ld8qt]

I WANNA JOIN THIS SQUAD