The Dowager Countess’ Finest Burns on Downton Abbey

As Americans enjoy the final episodes of Downton Abbey on PBS, it may prove especially difficult to depart with one character. What will we do without the dowager countess, Crowley family matriarch and side-eye royal? In particular, how will we do without her burns? As delivered by Maggie Smith, who won back-to-back Emmys for the role, the dowager’s insults represented the id of a fading English upper class. They were also some of the funniest on TV.
In tribute, Slate collected her finest one-line barbs, laid on family members, guests of the estate, and, sometimes, even on herself. Watch above for one last blast of dowager realness.

[@MauraVH]

Oh they missed my favourite! Richard Carlisle: I doubt we'll meet again. Countess: Do you promise?

[@tatianag.1149]

MauraPoppy just as mine!!!)))

[@hollywoodisasataniccult4022]

Omg me too

[@kaypandey7221]

Maura Van Heghe This was my favourite too.

[@TheMalkateltubbel]

BEST LINE EVER!

[@mariannej8]

That's the best one lol

[@allegiant347]

"How you hate to be wrong" "I wouldn't know I'm not familiar with the sensation" 😂

[@kassdiamond]

allegiant347 That was the best line!!!!

[@KrsticAleksandra_ir]

I literally cried for 5 minutes after that line! It killed me. :D

[@DKARMENTA]

That is my favorite.

[@hillmasonryllc6142]

Krstic Aleksandra me too!!

[@carollivingston7300]

DKARMENTA s

[@Afterthebattle]

"I'm so looking forward to seeing your mother again. When I'm with her, I'm reminded of the virtues of the English." "But isn't she American?" "Exactly."

[@kokoadam4546]

What does she mean by that?

[@laminage]

She doesn't think too highly of The Americans. I almost fell out laughing when she almost "Sacked" her Maid by screaming "Shoo! Shoo!". She and Cookie Lyons but the S as in Shadefest.

[@Zarastro54]

+laminage Olenna Tyrell puts them all to shame.

[@3choBlast3r]

'@Koko Adam, She basically says, when I meet an American, they are so terrible, I remember how grateful I am to be English/How much better the English are. (similar to spending time with poor people to appreciate how rich you are or something lol)

[@linegenrou]

she hated americans, get over it. that's how the character is

[@calilovett2063]

"You only say that to sound clever." "Yes; you should try it, sometimes."

[@buggyboogle9]

The way she said that. Excellent delivery and comedic timing.

[@bronwynbarnes4235]

"If I were to look for logic I would not look for it among the English upper class" Brilliant

[@akidal-hussein8901]

brilliant

[@Sarah_270]

My favourite

[@abaddonnnnn]

Maggie Smith is a blessing

[@kasuni2009]

Abby Bonds shes an international treasure.

[@sarahberkner]

"Monument" makes her sound not alive, she's still a person.

[@sophielouisedavies12]

Abby Bonds I love her she reminds me so much of my grandmother

[@thepete5152]

My favorite: "Avoiding one's enemies is easy; it's avoiding one's friends that's the trick."

[@sampuatisamuel9785]

Love it

[@WCCXtra]

"I think she's right." "Could somebody write that down?"

[@911nahum]

crack my lungs

[@kristinatrento]

You forgot when Matthew punched Richard in the face! "I'm leaving in the morning lady Grantham, I doubt we will meet again" and SHE said, "Do you promise?"

[@CaptainTimo]

I actually love that one the most

[@millietrusttum3125]

Kristina Trento that was absolutely priceless!

[@painttheworldgrey]

Haha yes

[@planningto]

Yes! Yes, that was the quote that I was looking for when I clicked on the video.

[@michellenightengale431]

That was the best burn! Fabulous! And yes, this little montage is incomplete without it.

[@sriram957]

I remember cousin Violet once had a good comeback , "does it ever get cold on the moral high ground?".

[@ahmarsaeed6085]

LawUntoMyself I remember that!

[@resveries_]

LawUntoMyself I loved that

[@rachelgarber1423]

LawUntoMyself my favorite as well

[@claudiaholmes9086]

I almost peed when she said that!!!

[@magvillat]

That was my favourite of all! I was looking forward to hearing it here, but, oh well...

[@gandalfisverypissed4391]

One of my favorites is: "A nobleman in favor of change is like a turkey in favor of Christmas"

[@AA-pk6fo]

She would have spelt it favour.

[@alifaakthar3583]

Love that one! 'A peer in favour of reform is like a turkey in favour of Christmas'. One of her less well known zingers.

[@StoneBubbles]

She reminds me so much of my great grand aunt. On her 50th wedding anniversary we asked her how she managed to handle all those years with her husband. She simply replied: “I never considered divorce. Only murder.”

[@Journeyoflove13]

😂😅

[@casperscott4369]

Yes, I remember my grandmother. She never agreed with women voting. She said it was undemocratic. Any intelligent woman ensured her husband and sons were " correctly " educated.

[@CommisarHood]

One of my uncle's made a joke along that same line at my grandparents 65th wedding anniversary he said (I'm paraphrasing a little due to being a few years ago and lets just say we all had a merry night afterwards). "We're here to celebrate mum and dad being married 65 years an achievement I'm sure everyone who knows them will agree deserves a medal the size of a bin lid."

[@zyxw2024]

😂

[@simranjitsingh8416]

"Vulgarity is no substitute for wit."

[@QueerOkie]

Simranjit Singh "You started it!" (And the dowager just smirks!)

[@MagnificentFiend]

Everyone to Jonathan Pie.

[@Happyheretic2308]

Shame most modern "comedians" don't realise this.

[@songwaikit8718]

A feeble substitute i must say

[@tc7547]

Well said.

[@justcogitating]

My favorite Dowager line is, "In my day a lady was incapable of feeling physical attraction until she'd been instructed to do so by her mama."

[@SavedbyGrace84]

"How you hate to be wrong." "I wouldn’t know. I’m not familiar with the sensation." Love it! I miss Downton Abbey!

[@leninvazquez-toledo601]

-Oh, Granny! Thank God you are here. What else could I tell them about the Library? -The Library was assembled by the 4th Earl. He loved books. -What else did he collect? -Horses and women. Where's your mother? Best joke in Downton Abbey ever!!!

[@kissarococo2459]

gentleman goals!

[@Happyheretic2308]

Shades of Harry Flashman, although swap the library for languages

[@TJDuffy-ip3ue]

Dowager Countess: I take that as a compliment. Cousin Isobel: You take everything as a compliment. Dowager Countess: I advise you to do the same, It saves many an awkward moment!

[@daxsanchez-rubio1668]

Then,... I must have said it wrong !!!!!!!!!!!

[@manisham.b5483]

My vision of my 79 year old self - utterly sarcastic, shady and especially subtle to my loved ones but not so much that they view it as cumbersome rather amusing. Granny goals!

[@wafflecat32]

Nevermore RavenTryst Amen!!

[@Smithjones12]

Why wait ? :)

[@CarlosRodrigues-we2vn]

Now imagine having a grandmother just like this.

[@kaypandey7221]

Manisha M.B Ditto!!

[@ericwierzbinski4993]

Let us know when you reach the goal !

[@eszee9202]

"How you hate to be wrong" "I wouldn't know. I'm not familiar with the sensation" LMAO GETS ME EVERY TIME

[@Crick1952]

"Your facts or mine?" "What's the difference?" "Mine are the true facts." Summary of every argument in human history

[@sampuatisamuel9785]

Absolutely love the Dowager Countess

[@marigeobrien]

No. No, no. You left off the best one ever. Asking Mary to read a part of a letter, she says, "it's on the next page, dear. Aunt Myrtle never says anything in 10 words when 1,000 will do." That's her best line, ever.

[@kunaalsahoo9858]

Oh no...I guess she asked lady Grantham, cora to read it...in season 1, isn't it?

[@chandreyeebasu6131]

That was Cora, not Mary. And the letter was from Lady Susan Flintshire, I think.

[@RestlessTheRED]

And it was about 1 word and 10 words, not 10 and a 1,000.

[@lukecoyle7691]

It was skip to the next page my dear niece never uses on word when 20 will do

[@DarkCyradis]

4:31 "If you wish to understand things, you must come out from behind your prejudice and listen." Not a burn, but I really liked that line.

[@2charliep]

Maggie Smith's timing is exquisit, she's the reason I stuck with Downton from beginning to end.

[@GetToDaChoppa-k5r]

You could have just waited for this compilation instead.

[@ghklm6265]

@@GetToDaChoppa-k5r 😂😂

[@notsureiL]

Her puzzling look when she asked what a weekend is made me stick with the show. She is an icon.

[@Name260812]

Same here !

[@Name260812]

Her presence is so needed on every scene

[@ankitbhattacharjee4576]

"Shall I change?" "No, don't bother. It's only us!" "And who are we to warrant any courtesy?" FAVOURITE LINE!

[@highcotton63664]

"One can't go to pieces at the death of every foreigner. We'd all be in a constant state of collapse whenever we opened a newspaper."

[@Pheebs77]

I noted that one was missed out too!

[@Hailstormand]

"I'm afraid Tom's small talk is very small indeed..." YOWCH

[@Hailstormand]

And also: "Well, in my experience, second thoughts are VASTLY overrated."

[@czechcitizen8666]

The whole exchange is great. Countess: "Tom's small talk in very small indeed." Robert: "Not everyone can be Oscar Wilde." Countess: "That's a relief."

[@Amelia4144]

I've watched that scene, mother and son, a few days ago and got delighted, really! Regards from Argentina. Amelia. (I love Downton Abbey!)

[@victorbarraza4910]

oh she KNEW!! hahahaha

[@ReCreso]

"By 'thinking sensibly', you mean thinking like you." "Of course!" Iconic.

[@309387421]

Hands down my favorite character. So precious and so much heart.

[@nurlindafsihotang49]

no one can serve sarcasm as the brit. yikes, burns!

[@Smithjones12]

she says what others think :)

[@Smithjones12]

Sadly I have seen it. They are completely different countries and eras,

[@nurlindafsihotang49]

***** unfortunately, golden girl never been played in my country's tv channels. Not wise to speak about things that you havent watch yourself, won't you think?

[@nurlindafsihotang49]

***** and that is why you wont "get it". I mentioned you, so of course i have replied to you. The rest, well you have to asked around about grammars and the meaning of sentences. Preferably to an english languange teacher. I am afraid i'm too far away to explained to you.

[@nurlindafsihotang49]

***** i would rather called them in correct terms, seeing that english is one of the languages in vast world. And you still dont understand my first reply. Really angry vibe there, not necessarily suprising, sarcasm do need some degree of intellectualism to understand it.

[@dundeeheadkick8886]

she is brilliant, without her it would have been a good show... she made it a great one!

[@choirkitty]

Dundee Headkick IKR!?!?! no one else could play Violet nearly as well as she did!

[@streamgoodbyeroad5394]

"Oh you only say that to sound clever" "I know... you should try it" I choked

[@martino.malley9276]

I've never ever seen Downton Abbey. But after coming across these. I am going to buy the box set. She's great. Just my sense of humour.

[@lapetitboheme]

It's so good! I finally checked it out this past spring, thinking to myself, "Let's see what all the fuss is about." It was a Thursday night at 9pm when I watched the first episode. Five hours later! So upset, that I had to go to bed to be up for work the next day!

[@salicemccool9268]

+Lesley Horat It's a sort of Catch-22. I watched the whole series on DVD, and realized halfway through S1 that at the rate I was going, it would "end" for me pretty quickly! I gave later seasons to a friend - so that he could watch them, but, more importantly, with instructions re when he should hand each back over to me, and not a minute sooner, regardless of how I might beg and plead. I was only semi-joking!

[@highcotton63664]

I binge watch it every couple of months, I will always love it!

[@Name260812]

Alert ! You will be hooked ☺️

[@christydowns783]

i think the roles of the Dowager Countess and Professor McGonagall in HP have given Dame Maggie Smith the chance to deliver some of the best lines written. Love her work

[@storageheater]

It's quite a sad career when you put it like that, she had to go 70 years before she managed to get a good role Thank goodness there wasn't anything good before 2005 anyway and none of her decades of work before that merited any attention at all

[@tolgaesmer2188]

Storageheater lmao

[@bloodcottoncandy1514]

Ouch. Aren't you a bit toothy with your words, my dear.

[@storageheater]

the "70 years" thing really, really needs the context of the original comment, taken to silly extremes - the idea that her best work, her big chance to truly deliver a few great lines and get noticed, came down to Downton Abbey, which comes at the tail end of a currently 60+ year long career. (I actually think her roles in Harry Potter and Downton Abbey are not very special at all, she brings every bit of brilliance to them herself.)

[@SuperJajaco]

Gustavo Adolfo López Vargas .. two times Oscar winner

[@amurp8266]

"What is a Weekend"

[@nurlindafsihotang49]

oh, those old money people

[@vicboi87]

My favorite thing

[@edukid1984]

To be fair though, people working in a professional job for five days a week (typical of middle class employment) was a relatively recent phenomenon in 1912. The term "weekend" probably was in use far less than it is today. Even the most obscenely rich people who'd never worked a day in their lives, in 2019, would know what "a weekend" means.

[@wyleong4326]

edukid1984 agree. And this only serves to illuminate that things we take as common and ‘as is’ may not be as set in stone as we think they are.

[@Sarah_270]

@@edukid1984 absolutely right, servants only had Sunday and possibly half of that.

[@chadwmims]

"We must hurry up to dinner now, otherwise Mrs. Pattmore will have a fit." "Oh, is her cooking that precise? One would never know."

[@m.a.3322]

"Mmmm... Yes but you're better than nothing" 😂😂

[@damnfr233]

my favorites are "is this an instrument of communication or torture?" and "were selling Molesley to Lady Shackleton" "As a servant?" "no as a chinese laundrymen" and " why does everyday involve a fight with an american" i'll fetch another one "no no no no i'm a good sailor"

[@mnsnerd]

Funny stuff. Watched to make sure that the 'I'm sorry, I mistook you for a waiter" line was in it - one of my favorites!

[@sophiewritesuk]

It's so funny, gets me every time 😆

[@him050]

I just love how wearing a tuxedo to dinner in your own house is tantamount to wearing a tracksuit 😂

[@amis1887]

"No Englishman would dream of dying in someone else's house - especially somebody they didn't even know." Still my favorite

[@gracet9]

I thought you were a waiter 😂😂

[@patriciakelly69]

I’m watching this on Netflix and I absolutely love it. Real professional actors. It’s like a breath of fresh air.

[@witchbtch6372]

Cousin Isobel: "How you hate to be wrong." Dowager Countess: "I wouldn't know, I'm not familiar with the sensation."

[@Denz2799]

"Oh, you only say that to sound clever!" "... I know... You should try it..." Maggie Smith is the best 😂😂

[@salicemccool9268]

My favorite line, as it "says" so much, is not a zinger, per se: In response to Matthew's explanation that he'll continue to work during the week: "What is a 'week-end'?" If anyone hasn't seen Gosford Park, also written by JF, I highly recommend it. Maggie Smith plays a . . . dowager countess.

[@Missramy100]

The 'What is a week-end' bit is my favorite one from her as well! :)

[@3choBlast3r]

Yeah loved that bit .. showed how detached from reality/normal life they were esp her generation.

[@LucyLovettLestrange]

Missramy100 There's a store where I live called "The British Emporium" and it's been catering to all of my downton abbey needs and there is a DA shirt with that saying on it!

[@salicemccool9268]

+ LucyLovettLestrange Really! I'll have to see if I can find one on eBay!

[@LucyLovettLestrange]

Salice McCool You probably can. I also have two DA shirts ( not the one we discussed though) I have a black DA shirt that has all of the man characters on it ( you know how the DVD covers of the seasons are, my shirt is like that) and I have a dark reddish pink shirt that has the letters DA on it and under neath that it says downton abbey on it.

[@veritycrouch4400]

"I thought you didn't like him" "So what? I have plenty of friends I don't like!" Not in this, but that's another good one.

[@r-t9266]

" A lack of compassion can be as vulgar as an excess of tears " might be my favorite one. She said it to Lady Mary... Of course.

[@hernobleness]

"I'll take that as a compliment." "I must've said it wrong."

[@lizmacrae4970]

Wrongly….

[@aquarius1128]

I love this woman and the part she plays. This is the third time I'm watching the series, she brings the needed humor to the story. Perfect acting.

[@AbbASongs1]

Me and my parents have an agreement that Maggie Smith is a terrific actor, and she nails her lines

[@jessl6523]

The only one I missed was "What shall we call each other?" "Well we can start with Mrs Crawley and Lady Grantham!"

[@Canuckmom128]

If you love Dame Maggie, and you're young enough to have missed it, you must watch the movie Gosford Park. An outstanding cast, witty, intelligent writing, fabulous plots and Ms. Smith ...kickin butt and takin names. Look for such zingers as ( and apparently she ad-libbed this line) " difficult colour, green". OMG ...she is the real deal. A theatrical gem !

[@alexjones1985]

Canuckmom1958 Another one I recommend is Sister Act in which she plays the Mother Superior. She's the perfect foil for Whoopi Goldberg!

[@Canuckmom128]

alex jones You bet ! Seen it many times - one and two, and I couldn't agree more. Also featuring a very young Lauren Hill with her gorgeous voice.

[@jeffrobbins3378]

I simply adore Maggie in The First Wives Club: her two great lines both to Sara Jessica Parker: "Fork!" and "Jackie O has one just like it."

[@Thetonetemple.]

BWAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! When Tom went to Ireland and came back due to an estate burning.. "Well the gardens there WERE hideous"! stop you're killing me!

[@imisstoronto3121]

i will miss her. She is fabulous.

[@grandthefthorse2643]

imiss toronto why will you miss her! She hasn't gone anywhere

[@imisstoronto3121]

The_amazing _muffin_man The character, you dolt. I was speaking about the character.

[@TheFever77]

3:28 Oh well that is an easy caveat to accept because I'm never wrong!

[@antoniofernandez3419]

My favorite is missing! -Richard Carlisle: I'm leaving in the morning, Lady Grantham. I doubt we'll meet again. -Dowager Countess: Do you promise?

[@vikram8411]

Every single line requires great acting. Maggie Smith is an acting legend

[@alexjones1985]

I don't dislike him, I just don't like him, which is quite different!

[@India.H]

alex jones tbh there is and I've used this several times 😂

[@sampuatisamuel9785]

Love it

[@saiyanknight8243]

“I’ve been as gentle as a lamb..most of the time” 😂😂😂😂

[@zztopz7090]

She's such a paradox, but she's entertaining.

[@Amelia4144]

She is a postvictorian Lady ...

[@CrazyLeiFeng]

Julio A. Mendez She is a Victorian lady.

[@defiantaichi]

I love how she accepted Tom And when sybill died, she asked about him and the family was shocked

[@MadDirectionerGirl]

Never even seen Downton Abbey, but this was in my Recommended and I love Maggie Smith, so here I am.

[@Smithjones12]

Maddy Gowers Loved her in murder by death Awesome film great cast

[@msharleyjoe]

I could only imagine how funny she would be if she drunk.

[@gelibass]

“is this an instrument of communication or torture?” lmao i can’t stop laughing every time i watch that scene

[@thomaswenn6049]

Mrs Crawley is never happier when she gets a chance to use her guiding hand lol

[@navneetnancy1154]

One of the best characters ever created! She is such a joy to watch and always has me rolling with laughter 😂

[@jeffvencelaurel8560]

"Our life is a series of problem which we must try and solve. First one, and the next, and the next........ until at last we die."😂

[@Alysuhh945]

If you wish to understand things, you must come out from behind your prejudice and listen. Genius

[@chocmilkshake24]

How we need it now

[@BreannaMae]

I LOVE this show!! Such fantastic acting and I just love Maggie Smith's character so much.

[@bererjs]

I love this woman, she always plays sassy characters, and she does it so well :)

[@photogirl894]

They left out my favorite one! "Sometimes it is wise to rule by fear."

[@monicablom6215]

She is phenomenal. Withouth the Dowager Countess’ , Downton would have been so bland.

[@sofiasoto3171]

Is not just the funny lines, Maggie Smith is what make them so good 😂 ❤

[@adrianaeskils5669]

She is the best! Putting a smile on my face

[@LovelyDay11]

"Why does every day involve a fight with an American" says the world.

[@wendyarmstrong823]

The Dowager Countess is TOPS in my book. Smart,witty,clever,direct, ruthless and merciless when needed, compassionate when the situation calls for it, yet not ruled by stupid feelings and emotions. Good work Your Ladyship!

[@RawrCrazyTsuki]

Why haven't I seen this compilation before? It's the best!

[@Sunshine-zm1fx]

This is the best Dowager compilation I've seen on KZbin! Thanks, this is fantastic!

[@williamrowley2019]

How you hate to be wrong. I wouldn’t know I’m not familiar with the sensation. Absolutely brilliant!!

[@Kinopanorama1]

Dame Maggie Smith is simply brilliant in this role.

[@pujitarao600]

"You only say that to sound clever." "I know. You should try it." This lady, people... I love this lady!

[@barrybeebenson4274]

My favourite will always be when Richard says he won’t see her again and she goes “do you promise?” 😂

[@lindawatkin4411]

She was simply wonderful!

[@memoriasdegibara]

Do you remember Lady Violet saying this to Mary?: "My dear, the lack of compassion can be as vulgar as the excess of tears"... What a great actress and what a great script!

[@missrunbunnyrun]

all life is a series of problems of which we must try an solve , the first one, then the next and next till at last we die. the most truthful words ever spoken

[@clotildevivier8650]

"I always feel that greeting betrays such a lack of self-worth." (not in the video)

[@ryuray1677]

OOOhhh the burn.............. there isn't enough aloe vera to soothe that!

[@pilisanicolettemackey4090]

She has my heart. She is my fictional grandmother

[@sophiathorsen5885]

I love Maggie Smith as the Dowager Countess! Her burns are beyond brilliant!

[@emilyadams9647]

"I take that as a compliment" "Must have said it wrong" IM DONE 😂

[@themarquis336]

What happened to "Wha....What is a weekend?"

[@arxfortis7481]

+sebastian sartorialissimo That's not a burn. That's ignorance.

[@gayngelslresident5056]

No, that's money.

[@themarquis336]

Arx Fortis I guess you're right haha

[@msgifs1043]

It is an insult because she knew exactly what a weekend is, she just wanted to point out their difference in class.

[@sumitsinghthakur2930]

Richard Carlisle:- I'm afraid Lady Grantham that this is the last time we'll see each other again. Dowager Countess:- Do you promise?

[@buggyboogle9]

“I’m a feeble substitute for the entire Crawley family.” “Yes, but you’re better than nothing.” - delivered with superb inflection and comedic timing.

[@junaidahmed7373]

Its really a masterpiece by Maggie smith ❤. Who would have thought to watch 6 seasons, had she been not part of it..

[@julz3tt3]

Mrs Isobek Crawley "I'm a feeble substitute for the entire crawly family" The dowager countess "Mm yes but you're better than nothing"

[@boomvroomshroom2912]

someone get her and olenna tyrell together

[@m.a.3322]

I don't know the "I think she's cracked" line made me laugh so damn much. My stomach hurts.

[@cecilelpt5808]

"i might have a drink...oh so sorry, i tough you were a waiter" brilliant ahah

[@thelittlemermaidftw]

I just adore her she's precious.

[@LisaGemini]

She's a legend with the witty remark. God bless her always. We need a whole lot more comedy nowadays.