Did Pretty Little Liars Groom Us?

[@SloanStowe]

Hi guys! I wanted to point out a correction. At 4:36, I say that the Twilight saga inspired The Vampire Diaries, but I’ve just learned that the Vampire Diaries books actually predate Twilight! L.J. Smith published the first Vampire Diaries books in 1991 and 1992 (books 1-4, The Awakening, The Struggle, and The Fury). Stephenie Meyer released the first Twilight book in 2005. Then, in February 2009, L.J. Smith released the first installment of “The Return” trilogy, which is what I was referencing-I didn’t know there were others before. (My belief is that the widespread popularity of Twilight sparked this new trilogy and TV show.) Apologies for the mistake. Thank you for letting me know :) And I just want to say to those who have told your stories below, I've been typing and deleting this sentence a dozen times because whatever I write sounds wrong, but please know that your voices are so important. Thank you for sharing them. (Sources: discovery.arcadialibrary.org/GroupedWork/94a2d8fb-cce3-a858-07ac-2a02d3f0557a-eng www.britannica.com/topic/Twilight-Saga web.archive.org/web/20130508001937/www.vampire-diaries.net/the-books/the-return-trilogy/ )

[@Hcamsd]

Fun fact Car jackings increased a significant amount the year the movie Gone in sixty seconds came out! So media definitely has an influence

[@user-hy2qo6lj2q]

The underlying point still stands up that the decision to adapt TVD was "inspired" by the success of Twilight's film adaptation, so no big deal.

[@phoebetompkins7546]

SLOAN!! I just found your page today, YOU ARE AMAZING I love your content and long-form style. 10/10 thank you for being a creator ❤🩷❤

[@tierraellerbe1802]

Love ur vid it's crazy how we normalize that and now that we're older its just disgusting anyways can you talk about the summer I turned pretty how the love triangle trope have become very dangerous in or the trope of brothers can be harmful to breaking the family how idk if that makes sense🤷🏽😩

[@satisfied656]

Better late than never....😏

[@user-em3vg6ui4g]

"I hate that we had to grow up to find out what the adults knew, the entire time, was wrong" Hits so hard

[@jaginaiaelectrizs6341]

This is why it's important that parents should check in with their kids about what their kids know or not. There are age appropriate ways to talk about things. Parents really need to worry more, not about what their kids are watching, but what their kids are or aren't taking away from what they're watching and why / why-not.

[@toxiczombiewolf5692]

Worse growning up knowing its wrong and creepy and some people in hollywood put grooming in a romantic light. It's creepy af and not how teen girls actually are.

[@ashleybrooks-lawrence5972]

I got news for you, some of us it was wrong at the time, but we were scoffed at. Now we're scoffed at by the same people for different reasons! Really fun game.

[@SweetCarolineBAMBAMBAM]

@@ashleybrooks-lawrence5972 Can you explain the second part? It took a lot of willpower at that age to not watch it. But from the moment I heard about the student-teacher relationship, I just found it so gross. And the girl who explained it to me described it in the same way the show did. Only focussing on the dynamic, not the legality and morality of it all and how mature she is for her age. I was so confused and upset at the thought that other girls really liked it and supported it. We had posters around the library next to divergent I think, could be wrong about that though. It was about a decade ago now. Thankfully we were in an all girls school and there were only 4 male staff members out of 30+ staff.

[@PresleyRoxy]

The thing that really gets me with the Spencer/Wren situation is that Spencer’s family get mad at HER after Melissa catches them kissing. They go as far as blame Spencer for the kiss and not the grown ass man.

[@maddiesharpe7118]

RIGHT!!! I mean her parents are lawyers for god sake

[@KASPlaysSims]

Yeah and that’s not the only time they do it or it happens . They do it with I forgot his name but it’s the police man who Hannah’s mom was with I believe . Spencer sisters acts like it’s her fault . a lot of this seems to happen in the show and looking back on it I don’t really like it or appreciate how they portrayed it .

[@GirlMeetsSunshine]

Even more fucked up in the books tbh. Spencer really is an outcast in her own family and her sister is even worse. But the characters were all a little less moral in the books, sooo... They changed a LOT about Ali, she was HORRIBLE in the books, and that's even put nicely.

[@aaronshouting588]

Not too far removed from reality tbh

[@fortheladies771]

@@GirlMeetsSunshine They should have kept Ali’s character the same as in the books. She became less interesting when she became “nice”

[@ericalevinson213]

It could’ve been so powerful if they had Aria go through a journey of realizing he was a predator and reporting him and getting justice.

[@MileinaJuarez]

I never watched the later seasons and the A reveal but considering the spoilers that Ezra is A, he also literally tormented her and her teenage friends for years. This is not just a sexual predator, it’s a psychological dangerous person.

[@MileinaJuarez]

At the point hen Aria learns that he knew how old she was, who she was etc. and that he tormented her and her friends, it would have been great if Aria went to get counseling and a proper adult would have helped her work through it and report it. It would have empowered Aria and the storyline of the big age gap etc. would have served a purpose, to empower victims to speak up.

[@buchbummelant8980]

@@MileinaJuarezEzra was never A, he never tormented them. He was researching Alison and wanted to write a real crime novel about them. But yeah, once you know he knew how old she was, it get's really sinister.

[@susvne]

i think that's how it went in the books, more or less?

[@katie5998]

@@buchbummelant8980Not just that, but his obsession with Allison (and hints that he was perhaps even with her romantically, in earlier seasons) shows a pattern of behavior. Honestly, as bad as it would have been if he was A, him writing an invasive story about their life, going after a girl he knew he was underaged, and having an obsessive little room with giant pictures of Allison feels almost worse.

[@elysia6543]

it's wild that they framed Aria's dad as being so much more creepy and predatory for getting with his college student than they did Ezra for knowingly getting with a 16 year old 🙂

[@paulapaprocka1585]

For real I never even realized this but hearing u say that it rlly makes me wonder what were the writers on 🤨🤨

[@kuritheking]

@@paulapaprocka15852010’s crack

[@FernBlackwood1995]

Yeah. Like, college aged can be a span of legal ages, while an adult with a 16 year old is NEVER okay. In hindsight wtf, you know?

[@elioefra]

The frame it like cheating is worse than grooming

[@elysia6543]

@@elioefra fr though! like both is an abuse of power but for Aria's dad it was bad cause it was cheating and for Ezra it's just star-crossed lovers constrained by society like huh

[@simpbad2961]

"As if being mature for her age, changes her age"

[@amourtabb7859]

Its crazy that the writers were like "if you tell on ezra he'll go to jail." Like yeah thats what happens when you abuse a minor🤨

[@tell-me-a-story-]

TWENTY FREAKING FIVE. He's closer to THIRTY than he is to her age!

[@Mia_M]

It always bothered me her parents never actually pressed charges. While she was the age of consent, it's illegal for a teacher to have a sexual relationship with a student.

[@trainsarethecoolest]

Also “if you tell anyone I’ll go to jail” is such a common grooming/SA phrase that abusers use 😢

[@happyjellycatsquid]

@@trainsarethecoolestright ?! It’s the mf bread and butter of the creep from My Dark Vanessa and those idiots thought they’d written a romance for the ages for crying out loud

[@lizzyblitz07]

​​​@@trainsarethecoolest it is and that's so sad. The only reason it didn't bother me as a teen was that the actors looked the same age (because they were actually very close in age). I only watched casually. By the time I watched the first season wholly I was older, and again kinda struggled to see her as a 16y/o. I was usually multitasking so I kinda just zoned out in their parts 😅 It's a gross plot ESPECIALLY with the twist at the end that he knew her age the moment he met her 🤢🤮.I'm glad the actors were close in age so at least they weren't harmed though. Edit: WOAH. I just got to the showrunner saying they're "soulmates." Okay. That's just vile Edit 2: I never got to season 4, I had just heard about the reveal. I had no idea Hannah told Aria she "did the right thing" when she decided not to report Ezra. Vile isn't strong enough. I'm glad I stopped watching in season 2 or 3

[@kthxbi]

It feels so obvious to me that a lot of these showrunners are actually writing UNIVERSITY aged story-lines, but setting them in highschool because the highschool audience was a more reliable 'get' for ratings. But then they completely fail to factor in how being 16 vs being 19 VASTLY changes what their characters can or should be doing. The amount of HS set shows where the main characters routinely go clubbing or are out driving around to each others houses at 2am with nothing said about it by their parents? The writers literally forget they're all children

[@BeepBoop-z2v]

EXACTLY, SO MANY STORIES ON TV WOULD DO SO MUCH BETTER IN A COLLEGE SETTING! Anime too, like My hero academia. Ah yes, let's have these highschool students basically train to be police officers and get them on dangerous internships

[@melr.6738]

and casting actors in their twenties to play teenagers doesn’t help either. The girls don’t look much younger than their male counterparts in the show but I bet if they casted actual teenagers it would look a LOT worse on the eyes of the viewers

[@chelsey8737]

Yes! I'm always complaining about how teens don't actually do that many drugs or have that much sex or do literally any of those things. Of my group of 4 in hs, 2 of us didn't drive and a different 2 were from pretty religious families so there was absolutely no way we were sneaking to parties or doing drugs or even together past 10pm for anything other than a bday party on a Friday night. People love to make teens out as these heathens who can't be controlled but the reality is that most teens just want to have less homework and more friends

[@OutrageousAspect]

It's more likely they are gen x writers who experienced an unprecedented level of parental neglect and disengagement. So for gen x seeing a girl hotly pursuing an older man... that doesnt look like abuse it looks like a younger girl doing what they often did. Dating someone older than 18 was a total score, also there was a ton of drug use, sex, drinking and clubbing either at underage clubs or because I.D. wasn't that hard to get, and it had none of the security stuff they have now, honestly you could open the laminate on the side and insert your picture, plus there were a lot of I.D.s Gen x did it differently, and they got into a lot of stuff they shouldn't have ..and all that changed when they started raising kids because they knew it wasn't great.

[@luluanthem]

@@OutrageousAspect Yup that's exactly what I thought, being a teen in the 70s~90s looked a lot like this. Clubbing, doing drugs, having this much freedom and being exposed to a lot of shit with no consequence to the adults around them really was commonplace. I went to hs around the time the show was running (2012~), and although this wasn't the rule anymore, there were definitely teenagers exactly like this doing these things, from the clubbing to teacher-student affairs, and everything was treated either as "teens being teens" or even seen positively - you were cool and mature for stepping into the adult world earlier. So basically, these things shouldn't be criticisized because they are unrealistic, they really aren't - at least they weren't at the time. They SHOULD be criticisized because they are unsafe and hindering to teens, and showing these situations existed is not the same as fetishizing and normalizing them like this show does. Glad things changed for the better since then, it seems!

[@moonymoonlight]

the thing that endlessly fucks me up is that sara shepard originally wrote ezra's character as a predator who isolates aria, ruins all her relationships and ultimately leaves without a second's hesitation as soon as word gets out about the relationship - never to be seen again. he was ALREADY an abuser originally, and marlene king actively chose to romanticize it instead. and was always clearly her personal favourite too...

[@summy1300]

Somebody gotta check Marlene's dm history frfr

[@noticiasinmundicias]

It's Leslie Morgenstein the one you want, Marlene is just a decoy. @@summy1300

[@Birdyboys]

@@Amazingunreleasedmusic-nx3uithat’s what they said

[@JeanneyL]

This!! Ezra and aria were never endgame

[@moonymoonlight]

​@@Amazingunreleasedmusic-nx3ui but in the books ezra was (correctly) portrayed as a predator who nearly ruined every relationship in aria's life, only to bail as soon as the cops got on his ass without a care in the world for the teenager who he had isolated from everyone in her life and was now left to deal with all of this alone. he's gone by book five and only ever comes back once on a later book with ANOTHER minor in his arm, only further proving the kind of monster he is. it was marlene king who read this entire storyline in the books and actively decided to change into a "forbidden but true love" (barf) situation, so yes, it is her mentality that should be put into question and not sara's

[@2ctheocean]

I'll never forget- I was doing a lot of volunteer work with a teen SA prevention group at the time... and my mom and my little sister started watching this show. She was 12 at the time, I was 16. I watched the pilot and pulled my mom aside and told her the show was telling my sister that a relationship between an adult and a child was okay... and my mom yelled at me about it.

[@Adelicows]

None of them were believable as children though. It's hard to see it as predatory behavior when the "child" is obviously an adult 😂

[@alexandriagrace711]

Girl no she didn’t have mercy, good for you though🤎🤎

[@nikki4803]

I hope you spoke to her yourself about it after that then. Honestly I think 15 is the minimum you should be to watch this show and I understand now why my mom initially told me to not watch it when I started watching it at 11. Idk if she knew about the underage bullshit but it was pretty mature for an 11 year old. Even if I was able to handle it while not being able to fully comprehend everything going on

[@sulafaljabal1956]

Why did she yell at you tho 😭

[@Jkjoannaki]

Your comment is why I think it wasn't unrealistic that Spencer's parents blamed HER for being groomed. Unfortunately, adults in our lives, even if they aren't groomers and supposedly love us, can be unintentionally manipulating us into justifying our abusers abuse. And blaming ourselves for being though it. Or making us think its no big deal that such abuse exists. I was blamed by my mom for being sa'ed when I was 8.

[@g.g446]

I just saw a documentary about a teacher grooming her 13 YEAR OLD STUDENT and then later getting married to him. And what did she say as an excuse?? "He was mature for his age." Just sickening.

[@savannaaah]

Mary Kay Letourneau 😤

[@mavka.chorna]

You just described Brigitte Macron, also known as the First Lady of France, respectively.

[@Kristianalexis1]

Yes! Mary Kay Letourneau. That whole case makes me sick. I especially hated that she was a grown woman yet constantly said that she didn’t think about the ages. It was as if it didn’t occur to her that she was committing a crime.

[@savannaaah]

@@Kristianalexis1 And the fact that she got what she wanted leading up to her final days grinds my gears 😠

[@Someone-or8tp]

it's especially sad. when he's asked what he liked about her, he said "she was pretty"... because at 13 years old, that's all you're really thinking about. he was a child, who's priorities were shallow and child-like. he was not "mature for his age", he WAS his age, and she took advantage of him.

[@Talkingperfectly-loud]

I was 15 when PLL first aired. At 16, I was preyed upon by my 27 year old drama teacher. I distinctly remember using the Aria/Ezra storyline as a mental touchstone with which to justify my “relationship” with this teacher, because Ezria were so in love and it was meant to be! …Right? Even years later I struggled with why this storyline felt so romantic, even though I knew it was wrong. This video is SO incredibly cathartic for me. It feels romantic because they MAKE IT feel romantic. We were groomed to view this kind of relationship as star-crossed, rather than wrong. I was young, naive, impressionable, AND their target audience. This storyline had very, very real consequences… my own story being one of them.

[@SloanStowe]

I am so sorry you went through that.

[@lesliel9994]

I’m so sorry that happened to you and I hope you find healing. I also agree with the video that because this situation is normalized people often will blame the victim. I was preyed upon by a 60 year old teacher. Everyone blamed me. I even remember a student one time asking me what I had done to get him to act this way. Luckily things never escalated too far but he always tried getting me alone and touching me. One time he did it in a library and I actually ran away and never told anyone because I knew everyone would make it my fault somehow.

[@justine15422]

I am so sorry you had to experience that.

[@dominiqueritchey6795]

I'm glad this video was able to offer some help. Thanks for speaking up.

[@ayushikhetan9012]

I am sorry you went through that. I hope you are doing better now

[@zinnybeans]

PLL definitely had a negative impact on the girls in my middle and high schools'. My school had a teacher, Mr B, that was in his mid-late twenties and looked like Ezra but with icy blue eyes, and the phenomenon of "Ezria" was so influential that there was an issue with girls openly pursuing Mr B and citing the show as a reason to the point that our school had to have an assembly about appropriate relationships and that teachers were there to tech us and not date us. Luckily Mr B wasn't a creep, and didn't entertain the advances from his underage students, but if he was then he'd have had open pickings of whatever underage girls he wanted thanks to the popularity of PLL and Ezria

[@greyc.4845]

wow! Im so glad the school had an assembly about it.

[@megarakadmea]

I can only imagine what that guy was going through, trying to be a mentor and do his job, and also picking his way through a million land mines a day. Good job to the school for how they handled it.

[@IrrelevantParanoia]

Poor guy must have been so uncomfortable

[@itspribanerjee]

omg

[@_namasteshay]

Yeah same, my freshman English teacher was like 25-26 and very attractive man and PLL was on like season 2 or 3 and all the girls would openly flirt with him (including me, I would eat lunch in his classroom my sophomore year)

[@peblezQ]

I watched this show with my dad when I was in high school. I started 9th grade in 2011, so I was the prime audience. My dad started watching it on TV and I watched it with him because he said the mystery was neat. Back then, my friends thought it was so funny that I watched this show with my dad, but in retrospect, I am so glad I had my dad as a filter. His horrified reactions to these relationships made me realise how dangerous they are, and he warned me about predators. We both were also so mad at the A reveal, no proper setup or payoff. I can thank this show for inspiring me to write better stories lol

[@kpoppy9635]

Wait...which A reveal? Because I thought the Mona A reveal was good and they give small hints in many episodes leading up to it...but after Mona was revealed as A the show gradually got worse.

[@NoelleTakestheSky]

This is what I do with my daughter, and have since she was younger. She just turned 14, and is VERY alert for hidden dangers in pop culture, and she’s the filter for most of her friends whose parents are either oblivious or don’t care.

[@SL-lz9jr]

The TV raised me as my parents didn’t speak English and were busy working. I’m glad that I rarely fell prey to dangerous behavior from TV. They certainly glorified a lot of bad behavior to a point that I don’t feel horrified watching shows like PLL. But I’ll have to make sure to be the kind of parent that watches tv or reads books with my kids so I can be their filter and offer a realistic perspective. Banning is never going to work, but educating children will. Same with fairy tales. I won’t ban them but i’ll try to offer a more empowering perspective.

[@mimimosa259]

That’s really sweet

[@tomorrow4eva]

This is good parenting.

[@LeahMichelle512]

As someone who was a 14 year old being groomed by a 20 year old, we were in a "relationship" for three years. I'm probably one of the few who caught on to what was going on in the show as it was airing because I had experienced it personally. I'm relieved that this is becoming a more widespread concept, that this show was wrong in its choices in relationships. Thank you for taking the time to make this video, and for providing the resources that someone may not know are available... like me. I didn't know there were resources available to help. I didn't go to my family for help because he told me that I would go to jail, too. Truly disgusting. Thank you again for speaking out on this. Editted to add: I am now 33, raising a 13 year old son. I have been working hard to make sure he understands everything that is wrong with what had happened to me, along with the respectable way a person is supposed to be. He's a good kid.

[@MuzikFreak161]

I’m still in shock that this show had 14 year old me hardcore shipping Ezra and Aria instead of shipping Ezra with a hypothetical prison cell mate 😂

[@Kristianalexis1]

Yeah so did I but that’s also funny how you phrased it 😂

[@toxiczombiewolf5692]

I think I watched this at 16 and it made me feel ill to see it I git so much shit in the fandom calling out how creepy and illegal it was.

[@Natalie_Anne21]

What’s also crazy is the fact that Allison’s actress was actually 14, a minor, on the show and was basically around these grooming behaviors.

[@gucciraccoons1637]

🫢

[@rokhayas]

Sasha (the actress who played Allison) was groomed by her husband

[@gucciraccoons1637]

@@rokhayas omgggg I never knew this

[@itsmesuhaniii25]

​@@rokhayasare they still together? I remember his photos on her insta

[@VioletEmerald]

She also was only 12 when the pilot was filmed.

[@emilyisallwrite]

You adding the real life photos of the actors at 16 & 25 was so powerful in an already amazing video. Excellent, thoughtful work.

[@beetle1516]

it really was. I'm 16, I actually look my age unlike Aria and I couldn't stop thinking about how disgusting it would look if I were in a relationship with Ezra. And then the actual proof of how disgusting it would look was put on screen.

[@Ayshasil]

@@beetle1516 I'm 25 and I could have sex with an older man (around 40) but only sex. I would never date one. That's really problematic

[@lorestuart5259]

​@@Ayshasil such a strange and unneccesairy thing to add, especially knowing youre saying it yo a 16 year old..

[@kitkat2702]

Do you have a timestamp, please?

[@arsyn.kolgrim]

@@kitkat2702 31:40 is when she points out their real life age difference while filming (Lucy was 20 and Ian was 23) and then compares it to how the actors both actually looked at 16 and 25, 32:08 is the side by side comparison if you want to skip the dialogue

[@gudrunmoe]

As a mother to young girls I love to see how this generation of young adults are so much more clued in to things than we where at your age. This was a great essay, so here is a comment for the algorithm 😊

[@SloanStowe]

Very appreciated!! :)

[@sarab3417]

They are so smart 🥹

[@Makberries]

I’m appalled that all these comments are just completely ignoring the intro of this video where Sloan says that they were able to count 13 adult/minor relationships in this show!! Like yes I get it Ezra and Aria are the main focus bc it’s what started it all and was the most popular one. But 13?! Why was a fellow woman of all people the one pushing this agenda on teenage girls?! Why was this allowed to pass networks and get the green light everytime a new season came around with another 2-3 illegal relationships?!

[@noyesbonne]

😮 that's way too many for one young people show.

[@thitsmcgee1917]

“From a women” Women are predators too. They usually get away w more bc most men unfortunately never come forward

[@emmaleahebert3114]

And in all honesty, there’s more instances of it happening than she counted, like she said! It’s small things like wilden creeping on hanna, the way they have adult men interacting with the teenage girls…it’s so much deeper than the writing..it’s encoded in there

[@i5m5bob]

Age gap is natural. Women age faster than men

[@moonbeam0099]

Money and ratings

[@t.a.d.7892]

My sister was groomed by 20+ year olds. I was 14 at the time and thought there was something wrong with me that they didn't "want" me. Now as an adult, i am horrified that i even thought that. I am horrified that my sister went through that. She still tries to think she was "in a relationship" with them and "it didn't end well" or they "broke up". Honestly, it is just denial due to trauma. I attempted to pursue a 22 year old when i was 16. I was shut down immediately. At the time, i thought it was "relationship rejection". No! I was lucky, protected and safe! Thank God for that guy.

[@morganf1968]

The whole book thing was so stupid if they just had the balls to make Ezra A and didn’t have ezria get back together after that reveal , it would’ve been a way better digestible story line.

[@maddiesharpe7118]

It also would’ve hit so much harder and would serve as a lesson to young viewers that no, a grown man who is interested in a high school junior is INHERENTLY not a good guy. The creepiness of the whole situation would be so much more apparent and actually disturbing

[@morganf1968]

@@maddiesharpe7118 This!! Exactly

[@mykad6]

off topic but the malcom/maggie/ezra storyline was so pointless too! they added this life altering information just to let it go 10 episodes later. Ezra made Aria feel so bad when Malcom got hurt under her care but he never questioned himself on why his teenage girlfriend was babysitting his 7 year old child. He needs to get his priorities in check for sure.

[@morganf1968]

@@mykad6 yes that storyline was dumb too, again they could’ve put it in to make aria realize that she doesn’t want to be a step mom at 17 and have her leave Ezra but nope they didn’t do that either :/

[@alias1150]

Yes! Ezra or Aria should have been "A". Or they could have both been on the "A team" I believe in the books Ezra goes to jail and they should have done that in the show. It would have been better than the vaguely transphobic CeCe storyline that they went with.

[@pam9919]

You know a relationship is bad when Joe Goldberg is sounding reasonable😂😂😂

[@SloanStowe]

This made me laugh. Thank you for watching!!

[@pam9919]

@@SloanStowe thank for making this video I always knew pll had bad adult kid relationships but 13 just wow

[@samariasylvester402]

🤣

[@mazvitaselemani]

This may be a low bar but Joe was everything but a pedo so a W is a W😂

[@CharlotteEveline]

​@@mazvitaselemanihey at least he has standards. He has to draw the line somewhere 😂

[@daisydaisy0121]

Wren was ALWAYS a creep. Full on creep. I don't know what the writers were smoking. They normalized behavior that was so clearly criminal. He's literally preying on minors every time he comes on screen. Did they just have no concern for their audience? It baffles me.

[@Lilt348]

at least they made him a villain in the end helping Alex and killing him off, that info makes it like "ofc he's going after teen girls" like he's a sick piece of sh**

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

I would love for Melissa to have a moment where she realised that she attracts a/holes and gets therapy. Telling Spencer she's sorry. That it wasn't normal and now she's working on herself to see why and will change to make it stop. Without blaming the delorentes family for all her family's problems

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

@Lilt348 i agree but you didn't think it was a bit ambiguous with Wren just dating an unhinged girl who was pretending to be her sister and then killed him? He seemed more go-with-the-flow than an actual villain in the stuff with alex... I wish they'd upped the ante a bit because they alluded to the fact that he also messed with people who had mental health issues in radley... brought that forward just a bit more

[@justjoannak]

Agreed

[@brandireifsnider4840]

Wren was supposed to be A (Charles) apparently, but I guess the actor had a prior contract with another project he was doing so they had to come up with something else for the finale and could only get him for a certain amount of time to shoot.

[@ThestuffthatSaralikes]

I was 19 and he was a 32 year old. “I’m 19 at heart and you’re like… a really old 19” 🤢 WTF was I thinking?! Only a loser would say and some shit like that… I’m 43 now. The mere IDEA of being with a person even 5 years younger than me just grosses me out…

[@Rabadoonzamanooza333]

saying you're "19 at heart" as a grown man is so fuckin disgusting and embarrassing I would kms

[@barbarapatino5458]

"I hate that we need to grow up to realize what these adults knew all along". WOW. Just wow, what an amazing video!

[@hidansektas]

id like to mention there is proof of sasha pietersa who played alison about her grooming. she got with her now husband as young as 15. there is a picture of them on a family vacation when she is 12 nad he was 19. and there are pictures on her instagram when she is 17 and when she turns 18 there are headlines "sasha gets engaged to LONGTIME boyfriend" LIKE WHAT. THE RELATIONSHIPS WERE NORMALISED ON THE SHOW FOR HER

[@LoLovesLife]

Yikes. That's awful but also not hard to believe. She was very young when she started working in Hollywood. Many child actors are forced into situations that they absolutely should be protected and shielded from.

[@hidansektas]

@@LoLovesLife YES and not only Hollywood. seems like her parents encouraged it

[@diesdas5851]

Holy shit I didn’t know about this… what 19 year old sees a TWELVE year old as anything other than a kid??

[@hidansektas]

@diesdas5851 a pedo. check out their old pictures HE LOOKS OLD LIKE THE WAY HE LOOKED BACK THEN MADE ME GO HM THIS SEEMS FISHY

[@VideosForYou90]

@@LoLovesLife True, it reminds me of Liz Gillies and her husband. She played a role in the Nickelodeon show "Victorious" and it allegedly started between them when she was only 16 and he was like 37. She defends him and shuts down everyone who even tries to voice criticism about their relationship and it's really sad to see how she got so manipulated.

[@fenjah8131]

Honestly looking back, PLL consisted of so many weird relationship dynamics: Multiple boyfriends of Melissa hitting on Spencer, Jenna basically raping her step brother, Ian and Jason FILMING their very underage neighbours through the window while they were getting dressed- and Jason was depicted as the good guy later on??? It‘s creepy how grown people even thought of these storylines, much less applied them to literal children🤮

[@sophiewebb2887]

yea and all alison's "love interests" that were always like 10 years older than her. which is especially creepy bc the actual actress was her real age or even a little younger

[@Ker77u]

Not basically. She did in fact assault her step brother.

[@ShadowSkyX]

A projection nto their f-cked up lives probably.

[@animetechnoblade1009]

I thought it was only Ian doing that?

[@andrear4954]

​@@animetechnoblade1009 Jason didn't film anyone but he was the one who came up with the idea to film girls and was a part of the NAT group because of that

[@Michelle-1893]

I remember in an interview from a while ago with Troian on some late night show, the host made a joke about why Spencer keeps kissing all of her sister's boyfriends and she responded why do all these adult males want to kiss a teenager? I remember seeing that years ago and it was one of the first instances it was really addressed that the show has a problem with inappropriate / predatory relationships. But it also shows that the actors were able to speak up about it but just never did.

[@claudiabcarvalho]

Yeah. Either their were ok with that, or their career picked with PLL, and they might be afraid to turn against it just for them to lose followers and get blacklisted. But those actors were really young, they might've been convinced to accept those things. Just remembering what Joss Whedon did to Buffy cast, what the showrunner for One Tree Hill did to the show's cast... It makes me wonder what Marlene and other more powerful people did or said to them.

[@jaginaiaelectrizs6341]

Was that before or after the show had ended, though? (Genuinely curious, 'cause I rarely watch things like late night show appearances, so I don't know.)

[@audraalvarez5926]

​@@jaginaiaelectrizs6341It was early maybe even before season 2. Troian never had a problem speaking out against Ezria and Ian Harding was probably the most vocal about not liking Ezra. He called himself something like the most loved pedophile.

[@jaginaiaelectrizs6341]

@@audraalvarez5926 Thanks 🙂

[@beesbrownies]

52:30 this point is so crucial. It's not an adult's responsibility to stop a kid from liking them... it's their responsibility to not be involved with the child very explicitly.

[@violetpinkpanda]

I remember being happy when reading the books that Aria and Ezra didn’t stay together past the first book (or the second idk) but then disappointed because that means that they CHOSE to keep them together in the show when they did not have to. Especially considering that, while flawed, Aria had a pretty good relationship throughout the rest of the series with someone her own age. When Ezra later returns it’s to date one of Aria’s other classmates and the narrative points out how weird that is.

[@ShadowSonic2]

The problem was that when they tried to break them up the ratings slipped and there was a negative response from the viewers who thought it was "cute" and "sweet". The showrunners were too gutless to stick to their guns.

[@dorrolorro]

Imagine if Aria turned 20 and was suddenly too old and no longer desired by Ezra. He goes and hooks up with (in legal terms, rapes) a new 16-year-old, and Aria walks in on them. Maybe then she and the audience would realize that he's a disgusting creep and deserves prison for life.

[@lianmizu2488]

That literally happened in the books minus her turning 20. After she was serious with Noel, Ezra groomed another student. Very sad.

[@victoriagordon4071]

The sad thing is in Pennsylvania where this is set the relationship is not illegal because of age. 16 is the age of consent. The only thing that made it illegal is that Ezra was her teacher. I took it as a comment on how messed up it is that states have different laws surrounding age of consent and relationships.

[@EternityxForever]

​@@victoriagordon4071 But I believe the age of consent still only applies to children of the same or similar age, not a legal adult and a child. So two 16/17 year olds is okay, not a 16 year old and a 38 year old.

[@rosestar1324]

@@victoriagordon4071 That means a 16 year old can have sex with other teens their age or older. But if you're like 21 or older, you cannot have sex with anyone younger than 18

[@spectralight8412]

I found out a year after I graduated high school that my old English teacher was arrested for grooming a girl the same class year as me. This exact fate befell his wife, whom he met over a decade prior when he taught a high school in a nearby town. She was eighteen and was his student at the time. They got married started a family, years later he preyed on. A 15 year old girl who didn’t report him until after we graduated.

[@letteaseauh]

When i was 16 (5 years ago) i had a crush on one of my internet friends who was 4 years older than me and when I confessed that I had a crush on them, they RIGHTFULLY shut me down and I argued with them about it. Obviously, it ended our friendship and I was sooo upset, but looking back I realize how lucky I was because it IS the adults' responsibility in this situation. PLL rotted and romanticized this "age gap" (illegal) relationship into my brain, and unfortunately for so many people my age this is not the case.

[@heyhorinshi]

Just proof that they were actually a good friend to you which in a way is wholesome even if you got heartbroken…

[@snek149]

Im so glad they were responsible and moral and shut that down. I got into 3 inappropriate relationships when I was 17. The first was 23, and once he slept with me he left. The second was 22. He sexualised me so much, it made me uncomfortable and I left him. Tje last was 21

[@crazystemlady]

Same thing totally happened to me. I was done chasing down everyone after I finally got shut down like that. Really humbling and taught me so much. Glad for us

[@greenLimeila]

Same here, at age 17 I actively pursued a friend who was then 24 and as a good person, he got away from the situation. That's what a decent person would do. All this shit about it being ok because the kid is the pursuer is incorrect. The adult is the one responsible to stop it.

[@chelsey8737]

100% and it still happens in ya heterosexual romance. That genre in particular is disgusting ripe with predatory age gap relationships and yet its always a happy ending

[@route7635]

When i eventually decided to watch through this show out of just simple curiosity, i think the scene that struck me the most was when Aria is on the phone with Groomer Teacher Man and it kept cutting between him in his grown adult apartment to her bright pink, very obviously owned by a young teen girl bedroom. Like. Wow, that's a literal child! In a better piece of media, that sort of juxtaposition could've been utilized really well to highlight and enhance the creepiness of the whole situation and i think that's what made it really stick out to me.

[@oooh19]

what? adult women can love colors too

[@route7635]

@@oooh19 I understand that, but it was just. Decorated in a way that really just emphasized "stereotypical teen girl" room I suppose? I'm not trying to say that pink is inherently only for young girls or anything, just that the set styling and design seemed to, intentionally or not, really push that whole look. Pink has nothing to do with age or gender at all, it's just a contrast that was incredibly noticeable between the two sets and almost emphasized the age gap to me.

[@__jlnx4310]

@@route7635ignore the person above. We know what you mean. And ur absolutely right and it’s disturbing

[@aj_san3788]

​@@__jlnx4310I agree, the first person was just disagreeing to disagree.

[@audraalvarez5926]

Why don't you think that was done on purpose? I love PLL and things like this are the reasons why. There was so much subtext, metaphor, nuance etc in this show. Those that dismiss the show as a silly teen drama or are mad because every little thing wasn't spelled out with neon paintbrushes are missing out.

[@Jade-rp3ms]

My cousin married her former student teacher. Let's just say that this haunts her to this day. Her parents have never met her husband and she apologizes for destroying her relationship with them at least twice a year. But letting go that shame...that step of actually (after FIFTEEN years) getting her husband to meet her parents? That has not happened. The man STILL has influence over her like she's still his student, making her decisions, abusing her, having affairs and bringing his kids for her to raise...it's profound and life changing and it destroyed a once brilliant girl's chances of a good future. I never watched this show. It just had so many triggers for things that have destroyed my family or the lives of people i know. And i think that if adults have no shame in peddling these wrong relationships to their underage viewers, if they thought it was okay, why not try seeing how it will go down to actually cast kids and adults that age? Its DISGUSTING and they know it, so they cast these adults and make them play teens and have them emulate all these wrong life destroying actions and actual kids learn and believe these actions. Is no one ever held accountable when it comes to these things? Cancelling a show after so many have been affected is kind of useless

[@Normaschthewanderer]

I am so sorry.

[@justjoannak]

That's awful! I'm so sorry your cousin is going through that

[@PersonalJesus-ot7vz]

Fun fact: When that show was aired on open TV here in Mexico, the kiss between Emily and another girl HER age was censored. They blurred the photos of it, but they didn't gaf about the gross man preying on his underage student. I was like 13 at the time, but even then I thought it was fucking stupid. I gave the show up completely after that. Thank you for your video.

[@darthutah6649]

Maybe that was an issue with local censors

[@smurfyday]

This is why I'm so skeptical of pop culture favorites. So many morally rotten behaviors are glorified. Only years later do some people recognize that. Thanks for delving into this issue & show.

[@meadowsweetstudios444]

When the show came out and throughout its run, most of the viewers were teens so they probably didn’t realize how wrong it was till years later.

[@smithmarina970]

there were many teens who saw how morally rotten it was, not a new thing, also how many people were rooting for olivia pope in her affair with the president or root for villains , or joe the murderer in you, 🙄, its not that people don’t see these things as it is happening, its that for most people , its not in their reality, so its just entertainment.

[@sziszyke]

Portraying something doesn't automatically glorify it. Even if the behavior of the actors is positive towards it. That's what storytelling is. Do you think Shakespeare agreed with everything his characters were doing?

[@2shadowgamer2]

​@@sziszykeIn the end of the day it's all about framing. Example: A high school girl is talking about her math homework but all the camera does is focus on her developing features. What is the scene trying to tell the viewer even though the high schooler is only talking about math? People will only remember the framing of the scene not the math homework dialogue. It's just something to think about. Stories can be about anything but all those little things are really important.

[@sziszyke]

@@2shadowgamer2 That's a good point. You're right, in most cases it's used exploitatively. However sometimes it can be part of the narrative. I think the 2016 Handmaiden from Park Chen-wook is a great example. Nimphomaniac from Lars von Trier.

[@CarolineA1900]

They should’ve just aged everyone up and put ‘em in college lol idk why they didn’t just do that. The PLL gals don’t even act like teenagers half the time, and dress MUCH older than what’s appropriate for 15/16 year olds :/ watching PLL now as an adult, I see how ridiculous and gross it actually was…

[@shannonceleste5557]

So many stories are set in high school for various reasons. Mainly, living under the parents' roof raises the stakes, in terms of storytelling.

[@marlenewilson3993]

@@shannonceleste5557 yeah, plus it gives us a reason they can't just leave rosewood despite all the torment. but honestly i don't think it would have been that hard to make them freshmen at hollis or something in the pilot and go from there - i'd much rather suspend my disbelief in that way than try to watch the show pretending not to be uncomfortable with the fact that the girls are like 16...

[@cpilaf]

they also stay in rosewood after the time skip@@marlenewilson3993

[@justjoannak]

It's probably of the book series, which has them as high schoolers. The actresses that were playing them were in their 20s though

[@catherinecampbell1215]

This is why I love the show Greek. Everyone is in college so their adult behavior makes sense.

[@Rose-hh7mk]

I think one of the biggest things that made it feel normal to the audience was the fact that the actors didn't actually have a big age gap. Ian (Ezra) was only 3 years older than Lucy (Aria). Julian (Wren) was only 2 years older than Troian (Spencer).

[@Sleepingwei]

Definitely, if Aria and Spencer had looked 16 and not early twenties then things would’ve been a lot different - but that’s exactly why the liars look the same age as their adult love interests, so that it doesn’t seem inappropriate

[@bluz1864]

exactly. I hate to say it but if we just look at the physical chemistry, it is there. I still think Lucy and Ian look good together so naturally their characters would look good together. Casting wise, it should always be the case that age gaps are minimal. They could have tried harder to make the actors have less chemistry.

[@fleerow]

I wonder if they liked role playing being a groomer form time perspective

[@jesaea]

​​@@fleerowIan (Ezra) did not, he actually called out his character bc he thinks he's a pedo

[@marianadineva14]

They look "mature for their age" because they are not that age but 4n years older. And no matter the 'mature' makeup a 16-year-old will put on, they wouldn't look 18 or 20. I hate the whole 'mature for their age' and 'not understood by society' explanation for pedophile 'going out' with a child. I'm going to say it - there is a reason an older person will go for a younger (less established, or underaged, etc. 'partner') and that is not because they are so mature, if that person wanted mature, they would be going out with someone their own age or older. And if that child was so mature they would understand that this relationship is not good for them and the other person deserves to be arrested and in jail. Media has fucked us up, several years ago a cousin 25 was dating a 16-year-old, I was weirded out but only 3 years later understood the big problems with it so many of us are not equipped to navigate such situations, and even then when we talked between the family it was not right - his mother was like "SO YOU'RE SAYING HE IS A PEDOPHILE" what about your daughter who is 16 and dating a 18 year-old, whose relationship also had some somewhat problematic situations. And his family thinks it was completely normal...

[@Akursedtime]

I remember having a crush on my History teacher and it was just a crush. Think he knew but made sure there were boundaries. Looking back, with all the toxic shows introducing the teacher/student predatory relationships and promoting it as if its a good thing. I'm glad that mine, treated me as a pupil and an intellectual equal (i think thats why I had a crush on him) and didn't take advantage of me. Now as an adult, I appreciate it. And thank god for the boundaries because I don't even have the urge to see him. I'm just grateful.

[@CorellianPJS]

Marlene King having “love is love” in her bio really takes on a sinister meaning. This is a wonderful video essay and I’m very grateful to you for creating it.

[@Caleb17-ym6pq]

Even the actor who portrayed Ezra called his own character out. I am so glad more people are addressing this. PLL wasn't the only show that glamorize and glorified satutory-rape. It's very strange.

[@KamalianCiranoush]

What gets me is that these actors still play these problematic characters, even if they see their behaviour is not addressed properly by the show and is glorified by the fans. Okay, your calling the character out, but you're still playing it???

[@Cecilia-hb4vk]

​@@KamalianCiranoushpeople gotta eat

[@itzrainy_outside4450]

@@KamalianCiranoushThe actors don’t have a say in how their characters act, They can play a terrible person AND not actually be a terrible person/not agree with the characters actions and beliefs. Plus they gotta get paid. Just blame the writers xP

[@realestsienna]

@@KamalianCiranoushgirl what.. what kinda logic is this ☠️ they have no control of what the directors and creators add to the story, plus it’s acting. nobody’s gonna lose their money just because they’re playing a fictional character.

[@RaeCharm]

@user-xr7ci8tf3eThat’s an insane comparison. Portraying a bad person causes harm, but it’s not the same as being a bad person and certainly not the same as fucking genocide. It’s not, “it’s fine if they have money.” It’s THEY NEED MONEY TO LIVE. If your options are eating or not eating, you might be willing to do things you consider questionable. Are you a child, jobless, or just naive?

[@cccuqi7697]

I think the main reason why viewers are insensitive to grooming in television is that they choose again and again 20 somethings to play teenagers. You eventually forget they are supposed to be 16 when they obviously look 24 🙄

[@emmadenton1826]

It definitely contributes to subconsciously normalising these relationships! The only problem is I don't want any 16 year olds on these sets 😬 It's good to have adults in these roles, kids should be kids and not baring the weight of being the family bread winner. They just need to stop romantically putting together the teen characters and grown ass adults 😅

[@cericat]

It definitely doesn't help but then too look at society to begin with with how it normalises certain behaviours early on, especially if the groomer is an older woman it's disgustingly common for the victim to be congratulated instead of supported. It feels weird to think that Degrassi Junior High and Degrassi High handled CSA better than modern shows.

[@skinkscat]

@ceriacat I don’t know, there are some pretty bad student-teacher relationships in degrassi (I can think of three off the top of my head that weren’t great and one that was definitely framed horribly)

[@cericat]

@@skinkscatI'm specifically referring to two series from the 80s to early 90s. And I didn't say they were great, just way better than a lot of more recent stuff like PLL or the original (Australian I know the US adaptation skipped some of the elements of the original but haven't watched it) version of Rake for instance. Mr. Colby got reported and dealt with in DJH for instance even though it took a while for the girls and Wheels to work together on that one. Ideally that's how things should work, support from peers and the adults listening and dealing with it. I cannot speak to later series, I barely even remember much of the show then since it was one of my stepbrother's obsessions not mine but I do remember that arc along with Wheels' encounter with the Salesman that could have been handled in some manner rather than just his escape. Since I was in high school (graduated in 2000) we've had so many shows where there's student teacher relationships that seeming suffer no real repercussions despite all the incidents IRL that you'd think would have informed better writing and handling of it. It's like Dawson's Creek and since tried to whitewash these sorts of relationships for some reason since at worst what tended to happen was the teachers shuffled off to elsewhere when exposed (which as a Catholic school kid of the early 90s tracks but ugh).

[@lady_apocalypse178]

YES, Im not American and when I was in my early teens I watched riverdale with a friend. I was sooo confused at the Archie storyline with his music teacher. I always thought everyone was overreacting because yeah she teaches him music but atleast they are both adults and It's not like shes THAT old. I mean the main characters were in high school but that ment nothing to me (bc again not american) I thought he was atleast 20+.

[@emilysullivan3875]

PLL mishandled other sensitive topics too, such as addiction, SA/victim blaming, ED's, and Mental Health.

[@Professor.Pericles]

When Spencer made that one joke about hiding the cookies before Hanna sees them because she'll eat them all.

[@rainbowsauce93wonder77]

it still gives me the shivers that Marlene King thought it was an appropriate thing to have Emily forcefully impregnated by A just so her and Alison could have babies... like, YIKES marlene. also why was everything about babies and weddings in the ending? there's more that young girls are interested in

[@TotallyxKatiee]

Alcoholism in Hanna was so normalized to be okay

[@ninimeggie4771]

When I was a young teen watching this I truly thought the only thing wrong with these relationships was the legality. It never occured to me WHY we have laws against relationships like this

[@marcioroberto9820]

Hahahahaha same, though I never liked them cause I always thought they're such a boring couple to watch, like everyone else is scared cause of A and they act like is all normal, it'd just be some seasons later I'd be really bothered by this, especially cause well... They were just so boring. Nowadays I don't wanna even think about such a thing was allowed and even encouraged by the writers!

[@carolinebbuss]

Amazing video! But also, when they reveal that Ezra knew who Aria was, they also imply that he had a relationship with Alison too, when she was 15 (or maybe 14, I don't remember), which means Ezra was not into Aria because they were "soulmates". He wanted Aria because he IS a predator. It's crazy that the show wanted us to believe they had something special.

[@nicoleclavel3876]

technically he wanted her because he wanted to know more about her life and alison and her friends but yeah he still a predator for sure

[@ddaikko]

"I'm older than you, but you're the mature one in the relationship." I was 14 and he was 19 💀 It's so sad to see myself in Aria.

[@aestheticnugget6284]

I’m 19 and he’s 34..

[@justjoannak]

That's awful! I'm so sorry you went through that

[@isaberti]

I was 13 and he was 22 😵‍💫 It has been 10 years but it hurts to think about it now

[@ddaikko]

@@isaberti It's a little sad, and disgusting, to think about, especially now that I'm older and wiser. I can't help but feel like we lost a part of our lives that we can never get back. I'm so sorry you went through that, you didn't deserve any of it. ❤️

[@ddaikko]

@@justjoannak It's been a little hard to accept and live with it, but I'm better now. Thank you. x ❤️

[@noahkirschtein8169]

“retaking it if you got emily” is crazyyy she was always my favorite when i watched it as a young closeted teen lol

[@chexmix4cereal]

Yeah same. Emily was the most iconic one for us young queers at the time. I will be taking no questions lol

[@dreadwolfrising]

​​@@chexmix4cerealhonestly it was either her or seeking out any media from the previous decade that had a shred of queerness 😂 I'll take emily over the absolutely betrayal that happened with Lexa in the 100 a few years later

[@FIRING_BLIND]

I think that's the point though....the main thing anyone thought about when they thought of Emily was her queerness. So if you're not queer, she's likely pretty boring to you

[@marias.wainwright3481]

Not to mention she was the only person of color in the main group like...it's very telling about the state of the fandom at the time that she was the least popular :/

[@noahkirschtein8169]

@@marias.wainwright3481 i see your point but i also dont think the fandom should get the blame here. she was.. very neglectef by the writers.

[@tanya4001]

would also like to mention that Emily too was in a creepy age gap relationship with talia who was both an adult AND MARRIED

[@valentinavillota3348]

Each and one of the liars were in a age gap relationship, it's genuinely insane seeing how much normalized pedophilia was normalized in this show

[@Echo-mg5em]

That’s true-not that anything would make it better, but it’s even creepier when we consider that she basically uses Emily to experiment with her sexuality. The husband comes to Emily and asks her not to break up his marriage; did it never occur to him to not blame the high schooler?

[@helenam00n]

As Mike's Mic said in his 2021 video "An appropriately unhinged recap of Pretty Little Liars (Part 1)" at 12 minutes 30 seconds "I mean, feel free to count on your fingers how many FELONS [older men in "relationships" with minor girls] we come across as we go through the show, and you will run out of fingers bestie!" I've never watched this show but this video was still VERY important imo. Great work!

[@insertcrochetpunhere]

This TV show was SO popular that I started reading the first book. I was twenty-four and couldn't finish it because every single male character was a predator. Every. Single. One! WTF??? I've had a problem with this series ever since.

[@ShadowSkyX]

She was a victim of grooming and doesnt know it or sees anything wrong with it, sounds like.

[@abbypierce4196]

I was rewatching it over the summer and I was just like…shocked at how I realized almost EVERY single love interest is an adult man AND/OR in a position of power or authority over the girls. I think the only semi-normal one for Aria was the wrestling coach but still, HER COACH.

[@kc87557]

The only “normal” relationship was Spencer and Toby. They were the only couple I liked after rewatching

[@mirandapetersson952]

​@@kc87557and Emily and Maya! They should have been endgame, they were great together.

[@doid4354]

Caleb and Hannah! Caleb only solidified my taste in men 😭😭

[@abbypierce4196]

@@doid4354 LOVED Caleb and Hanna - hated what they did to them in the final seasons.

[@justjoannak]

​@@abbypierce4196Same!

[@feefee6889]

My own mom advocates for teacher and student relationships. It’s terrible… but she tried to teach me that it was okay my whole life, how crazy is that?? She was okay with me marrying my groomer at my old church. He was 20 years older than me. It’s disgusting to know that she’s groomed me to think that it’s okay. Luckily I grew up with the internet and learned on my own how nasty that is. Still sad to know she would never protect me if I got rapped or that man succeeded in his grooming.

[@Seraphina93]

When I was 13 this 40 year old married dude liked me and my mom said „just make sure you know he‘ll leave you once you turn 18 and are too old for him“. Can’t really… No wonder I dated an abuser for 8 years.

[@yumbunny2566]

I’m so sorry! You deserve better ❤❤❤❤

[@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259]

​@@Seraphina93im so sorry. My heart breaks for you.

[@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259]

@feefee6889 i am so sorry

[@justjoannak]

That's awful! I'm so sorry you went through that

[@suzanned5859]

In my high school there was a popular teacher who had a "special" relationship with his TA of 3 years. She was a very innocent former catholic school girl who was 14 but looked 11. They ended up getting married and she had a child by 18. My friends and I were so grossed out at the time. There were no consequences for the teacher and the town I lived in just seemed to accept it. This was back in the 80s. It still weirds me out to this day.

[@skylarjohnson7779]

I feel gross reading that. I hope she got away from him.

[@cericat]

WTF? Why the hell was a TA a minor in the first place, I'm used to them being adults doing their teaching degree or at least having a tertiary certificate (requirement here) to enter the role. I believe you, it just seems ridiculous to put that sort of pressure on a kid.

[@suzanned5859]

@@cericat It was High School not college. She was a High School student TA.

[@cericat]

@@suzanned5859yeah I'm referring to secondary (7-12 here) and primary school (K-6), outside translators I didn't come across many ATAs in tertiary ed and I've worked for both a primary and a tertiary institute. It's just weird to me to put a kid in that sort of situation even without where it led that should have had something happen to him. That said well acquainted with CSOs going unharassed by the legal system for far too long.

[@RuthyVilla]

You forgot to mention that in one episode the book of “Lolita” was a symbol in solving the puzzle of Alyson’s disappearance which explains a lot 😭😣

[@user-lu8ue4ns4w]

Wow, what an insightful watch. Well done on this video. I was a “PLL kid” and watched it through junior high and high school with my friends. I recall many instances when male teachers would be inappropriate toward me and other female students, but we never thought anything of it or even thought it as flattering because an older guy is “into us”. We’d giggle about it or even feel good about ourselves. It’s SO damn creepy to think about now as an adult. That was NOT okay, and shows like this 100% contributed to our pov at the time that it’s normal and acceptable 😮

[@user-lu8ue4ns4w]

To add, I also got similar comments as Aria mentioned in this video. “Mature beyond your years” “old soul” etc… it made me feel like their behaviour was okay because I met them at their older age mentally/emotionally, but dear lorrrd, I feel so icky even thinking about it now. I’m super thankful nothing else happened to me besides inappropriate conversations, flirting and glances during class.. but I do remember one of my girl friends in high school that was contacted by a teacher to have drinks with him outside of school, and they had a physical relationship. When we heard about it then, we didn’t think anything of it. Maybe even cheered her on for getting with an older guy. But she was 16 and he was well into his 20s. This is the first time I’ve talked about this since then, and it really gives me a lot to reflect on thanks to this video.

[@fortheladies771]

I’m still upset at the fact that they RANDOMLY made Spencer’s twin “A” when all the clues pointed towards Ezra’s creepy behind lol

[@kpoppy9635]

Or Wren's. They literally could have made anyone else A and it would have been a better A.

[@kpoppy9635]

@komi2001 I mean I kinda wanted it to be Aria cause she was a boring character lol But it was also too obvious to be Aria.

[@evrgreen_13]

so true. should've been either ezra or wren, who throughout the show were both creeps manipulating underage girls

[@Doggybudder]

I believe this happened because the fans kept correctly guessing who A was and they were mad bc they wanted the big dramatic reveal

[@evrgreen_13]

@@Doggybudder i hate it when showrunners like hold the fans' predictions against them, and then create the dumbest storylines out of spite or bc "no one will see it coming." it's just petty

[@sedarua2696]

One of my best friends and I used to be so obsessed with ezria. Up until she turned 18, she ended up groomed and having sexual relations with her 40 something year old neighbor. At 17/18, I found myself having little flings with 25/26 year olds. Looking back, I’m horrified that these older men wanted anything to do with us and that we didn’t see anything wrong with it. I remember we felt so mature and sexy for it. I had friends in high school going out with kids in college, friends of older siblings, etc. One of my friends dated a guy with a CHILD at 18. Sure, it’s ‘legal’ but even the thought of that is horrifying now-we were still in high school. I’m glad you made this video.

[@littlepinkcactus]

Same! I also dated a guy with a child when I was just 18,while he was 26. I stayed with him for 5 years, which were the most unhappy times of my life. Looking back, it was the most toxic, dangerous and life destroying relationship I ever had and I was more pushed and groomed into it by him, than actually wanting it. I wish my parents had said something back then, to protect me. If I ever have kids, I'll try to not make the same mistake.

[@Beep974]

The answer is Yes. It did normalize grooming. I was 10 years old watching this show and it made me susceptible to multiple predators that has taken me a long time to heal from. I remember recognizing that the teacher relationship was bad but Ezria was fiction and they were meant to be but a guy like Wren was just a normal love interest, nothing to worry about. Shows like this may not be targeting 10 year olds but kids like me were still watching it at the time and absorbed whatever “message” they may or may not have intended to send.

[@jesathousandtimesjes]

'You said yourself it's not that big an age gap-' 'Yeah but he's your teacher.' The f*ck? Eight years! Half her life! I feel like I'm being gas lit by these writers. Eight years of adult life experience puts you in an entirely different life stage. I can't with these people.

[@Catloafcafe]

The more I watch this video, the more I realize that I've been groomed by my social teacher when I was 15. I was at my lowest point at that age, had trouble with family and had my first relationship or "first love". He was the person closest to me at that time and he used to cheer me up whenever he could. He'd ask me to stay after class so we could talk about how I was feeling or how my family situation was going. He once even told me to make sure I was using protection in my relationship and I CAN'T BELIEVE I never realized how weird that sounds, a 30 year old telling a 15 year old to use protection? He was sooo invested in my life. Once when we were talking about my mental health, he shared a secret that he claimed he hadn't told anyone else at the school(mind you, he was the school's favorite teacher out of like 30 and was the closest with all of his students which was a bit over 100, he always said to his students that I was his favorite, the school had around 500 students total). I used to think that it was such a nice gesture for him to tell me something that was so incredibly sacred to him. Now I realize it was just for him to make me feel special. Something that really establishes his grooming was what happened when I once didn't turn in an assignment. He was notorious at that school for being VERY strict with his assignments. He was the kind of teacher to give you an F for turning in an assignment just one minute later than the deadline. I was having trouble with starting the assignment, so I essentially just gave up and accepted my fate with the grade F. He noticed this and asked what happened. When I told him, we had a deep talk about everything, and it was when I got home that I realized that he gave me an A for the assignment. An assignment I never finished or even started. On the last day at school, he asked for my Snapchat. I still have it.

[@grace-4072]

Just only read the title but yeah. Yeah it did. It definitely set me up to believe that older men were in any way okay for me to pursue (not that i, as a literal child, was in the wrong, but you know what i mean)

[@NiceDonkey3417]

I honesty never dated anyone that wasn't much older than me after that.

[@chelseygarrett4221]

I was watching this show at 18/19 started at 16ish. My 27 year old boyfriend was telling me how stupid it was. I was 19 at the time so technically an adult but I was just out of highschool a few months before. Definitely thought it was normal.

[@phaedrathenerd9721]

Can you do a video about Emily and Paige? That bully romance thing always rubbed me the wrong way

[@fortheladies771]

I couldn’t stand Paige. I always thought I was the only PLL fan that felt this way lol

[@shanouboubou]

It really was. I still remember Paige holding Emily head under the water...and then it's turned into a great love story without really addressing all of that ?

[@phaedrathenerd9721]

@@shanouboubou right, it's horrific

[@Sophie-ub1wx]

⁠​⁠@@shanouboubouliterallyyy have never forgotten that… i can’t stand paige

[@itsmesuhaniii25]

I kinda feel emison worse

[@norablack1085]

I was 16 and my first real boyfriend was 25. My friends thought it was cute. He eventually raped me when i did want sex and wanted to break up with him after 6 months. He groomed me and was patient but i did not want to lose my virginity. Traumatized ever since. I am glad you are putting this out.

[@Seraphina93]

It’s not your fault, and neither is it your friends. I hope you’ll get better eventually. You deserve to be loved unconditionally in a safe way.

[@Riviwriter]

You deserve to be seen and heard and validated. I’m proud of you for commenting this (and many others with similar stories in the comments) for taking their stories back and rewriting the narrative (or at the very least, giving voice to a shameful topic)

[@Guineapigsreadingbooks]

I am sorry you had to go through that. I hope that you know that none of it was your fault. You (like your friends) were just a kid. You didn’t deserve that, and it wasn’t on you to protect yourself from a threat that shouldn’t ever have been there. He is completely at blame for all of this. I hope that you are safe and able to process the trauma with support from your family and friends.

[@norablack1085]

@@Seraphina93 thank you

[@norablack1085]

@@Riviwriter yes exactly and thank you

[@beatm6948]

I can hear the restrained anger in your voice surrounding the scene of Hannah telling Aria to not submit. Because how dare they disrespect victims like that. How could they do this? Why are they allowed to have so much power? Why cant they use it to do whats right?

[@mechengr1731]

I'm surprised she didn't touch on how they kind of framed it like Aria was doing it out of spite, not that she just realized he had been using her

[@KayGreylai]

As someone with experience with film making both infront of the camera in the industry and behind the camera in short films. I assure you every choice about Ezra and aria from the actors looks to hair make-up and costume making him look younger and her look older was absolutely deliberate. There were people in a room discussing what was necessary to look for in casting to make this relationship 'work' and every decision in Ezras wardrobe hair and make-up deliberately makes him look younger and boyish, whereas they make Aria look older and more mature with darker colours and heavy make-up. Its very deliberate and would have been tested multiple times, changed and photographed extensively to replicate. Note that the actor also is clean shaven at all times to age him down further, with a slight wardrobe tweak he could play a teen in the show.

[@cassidyneurotica1296]

I used to aggressively flirt with my attractive teachers. I am so lucky they were good men

[@elliegale1845]

I def would have if I had attractive teachers ... Haha on a serious note. Yes this show is not cool for this!! With all the heat Nickelodeon is getting, this should get more attention.

[@rhiannonem7743]

I was like 17 when the Ezra reveal episode came out and I remember it made me feel so icky about the whole thing but until that point I had never thought their relationship was wrong. Wild that so many adults had no problem putting that show out to teens. But sadly I reckon a lot of the men involved in Hollywood/tv have pursued much younger women and don’t think it’s wrong or don’t want to acknowledge it’s wrong

[@rhiannonem7743]

@K.C-2049oh yeah totally context is important. I was more thinking of when it’s a pattern, or where it was initially completely one-sided from the older person and it’s not just two people who just happen to have connected. I just feel like the latter doesn’t happen as often as the former.

[@BlackCatBritt]

yeah that reveal was what made me stop watching the show cause I straight up "got the ick" from it, as the kids nowadays say. Never regretted dropping the show cold turkey either, cause the constant "who REALLY is A?" question was getting old from being so drawn out & convoluted.

[@citydweller99]

The showrunner was a woman.. and from what I hear, she would block people on Twitter (X) that called out this story. Didn't this coupling also have a hashtag on Twitter as well ?!?!?

[@kate.b97]

I remember this show actively affecting mine and my friends relationships with one male teacher in particular in middle school. We used to joke that she was the Aria of our group and her (13) and our 30 something year old history teacher were going to have an affair. Its so nauseating to think about now since, had that teacher been predatory, any one of us could have easily fallen victim.

[@cassielee1114]

Also that poor teacher, trying to do his job while you’re sexualising him.

[@preternatural3231]

@@cassielee1114Extremely poor choice of words; "while he was being sexualized" is better as it doesn't imply that these CHILDREN were purposely being amoral. Also, OP only said that this was something they discussed amongst themselves, and not even in an overly sexual way; nothing she said implies that this affected the teacher in any way. Either you have terrible reading and critical thinking skills, or you're a very weird person.

[@kate.b97]

@@cassielee1114 so true! We were children, being actively brainwashed by irresponsible media, but you're totally right.

[@TM9_]

And THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is why our parents were eerie about certain shows we watched growing up.

[@eliskakordulova]

The tv show Crue Summer (2021) depicts this exact same trope, except it does it extremely well - especially in regard to the real-life consequences. It's basically a much more well-handled version PLL, so if this is your cup of tea, definitely check it out.

[@ShadowSonic2]

Riverdale, ironically, did it better too with the Archie/Grundy thing. Portraying it as wrong and how Archie was a grooming victim and everyone thought so

[@beatm6948]

​@@ShadowSonic2honestly the first season did a lot of things right. It was a good show.

[@lary_uwu6027]

The Wilds did too, the main character has a whole arc trying to realize that the older guy was an abuser because she kept refusing that, eventually she burns all she has that reminded her of him (granted it was just one book written by him because she was stuck on an island but)

[@gallarinas]

love cruel summer

[@Sage_the_plant]

This was great! I’ve been sick and decided to rewatch recently and I forgot just how SICK AND TWISTED some of the relationships in this show were. Even outside the relationships, PLL seemed to think it was perfectly acceptable for grown men to approach MINORS. As a former, ‘mature for my age’ teen it’s been really difficult to rewatch the tv shows I enjoyed as a teen. Awesome video, thank you!

[@SloanStowe]

Thank you so much for watching! Hope you feel better soon!

[@chelscara]

Marlene does seem to be from the generation that thought Celine Dion’s relationship was aspirational when she met her producer/husband at like 12 and has had an eating disorder since the relationship fully came about. It’s like she’s passing the torch of idolizing creeps and toxic relationships

[@jordan4543]

marlene going so hard for aria and ezra's relationship certainly has to be a punishable offense.

[@renegadexoxo]

I had a friend who “dated” her teacher when she was 16, and at age 30, still refused to see anything wrong with it and would brag about it as a status symbol 😔 This happened right when PLL was first airing and I know that Ezria had a huge impact on how she dealt with it

[@AJ-zg1nq]

Slight correction- The books that were the inspiration for the vampire diaries predate twilight by decades. The first TVD book came in 1991 while twilight was published in 2005. It would be apt to say that the twilight popularity led to the tvd books being adapted in 2009.

[@torielizabeth6217]

I was looking to see if anyone had commented this

[@melissagreen7327]

I was looking for this comment! Lol. I read The Vampire Diaries before the Twilight books were probably even a thought.

[@TheMoreTheMary_]

1991?!!! I never knew that!

[@lisa123idk]

Yep because the contract L J Smith signed was pre film/TV adaptation being a thing so the publishers have the rights not her, which is one of the reasons she decided to not finish a number of her series that she had started to write again

[@raiannaparker4355]

Yep I scrolled to find this comment after the intro. Sometimes it's surprising the amount of people who don't know how old the TVD books are haha

[@jenniferbibi1972]

I watched this show once when i was a teenager and back then, i always found their relationship disturbing, but i thought it was Aria's fault because she relentlessly pursued Ezra. I feel like that goes to show how right you are about framing and how the writers went out of their way to moralise predators.

[@emmadenton1826]

Your not the only one! I was 15 when the show started, and it was huge in my school at the time. I always saw it as super creepy! Ezra is objectively hot and I can see why Aria is into him, but why the hell is Ezra into Aria?! It literally never made sense (except obviously, grooming)

[@bethanyjoy6041]

I’m so proud of the young women who are learning & standing up for themselves these days. I’m 32 now, I was 18 when pretty little liars started. I saw nothing wrong with those relationships even though I was legally an adult, a little bit older than the target. It took me until my mid twenties to realize I had been groomed & assaulted in high school. Like I literally didn’t understand that’s what had happened. I was that brainwashed. The media of that time absolutely didn’t help! I tried to rewatch pll last year & couldn’t make it through season 1. So gross. I’m glad that there is more dialogue around this now, I’m hoping better for the kids growing up now. I watched Cruel Summer & it is a great example of what pretty little liars COULD have been.

[@rachaelbeth3119]

You know, when I told my mom I had a boyfriend back in highschool, her first question was how old was he. At the time I didn’t understand why she seemed pleased when I said he was 3 months older than I am but… oh boy am I glad she was watching over me for that

[@lilithying3359]

this is so well made! 14 year old me never saw an issue with those relationships and actually wanted them to end up together. Im 20 now and am actually horrified how these relationships are still being romanticized all over the internet....

[@MikPenguin]

This was such a great and useful video, thank you. As someone who has been a victim of grooming + SA, I just wanted to add that the way Ezria was treated and portrayed really aligned with my own experience. When I was a minor in a "relationship" with an older guy, I was chastised and the one punished far more heavily than he was when it all came out. I think that if PLL had portrayed this relationship differently it would've helped me realize that the way I was treated was wrong. I was the victim, the child, not the one who should have been held accountable and punished while my abuser got off with so little repercussions.

[@briannabou]

Wow I’m so sorry that happened to you!

[@loveserene]

I will never forgive Marlene for having Aria (a victim) say to her best friend “you’re the problem Hanna, you’re always the problem) when she was confiding to her a grown man came on her bro💀💀

[@scarlettadkins1253]

I thought about that too, I was just hoping Aria was secret talking about herself, and she would realize that she was groomed. And if Aria was thing back to the time she almost told o Ezra but did not because Hanna stopped her so Aria snapped at Hanna because she blamed Hanna for not letting her get out of the relationship when she had the courage. So it that momint it would bring them closer and they would have in common both being prayed on. That scena was very disappointing

[@AboveWater]

When I was 14 my bf was 24 and I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time I was extremely loyal to him and it meant the world to me. It obviously ended badly i was assaulted and the man was a criminal. Now that im in my 30's I absolutely hate that no one, not one person had a problem with our relationship. He used to pick me up from school in his car. People knew. Everyone knew. Not one person thought or said it was preadatory. People my age avoided me and adults flirted with me. I have huge trust issues now. This was in the early 2000's so not exactly a lifetime ago. I don't trust adults to protect children and even though I myself am now an adult I still have deep distrust of other adults and i always will do.

[@alyssaofsilk]

Even as a teen when this show first aired I haaaatteeeddd the relationship with Aria and Ezra. It was so neauseating, especially with the music they had on their scenes. I would always record the episodes and fast forward through their bullshit lol

[@hudak55]

Wow reading the comments section and realizing the effect this show had on us while we were teens is CRAZY, I can’t even describe how horrible these experiences were, traumatizing ….

[@maddiesharpe7118]

I started watching pll at age 10 and every man I’ve dated is at least a few years older than me. Including dating a 19 year old when I was 14. So I’m living proof of this grooming😂😭

[@maddiesharpe7118]

Even as an adult now, my boyfriend is 4 years older lol

[@GH-fb9dh]

@@maddiesharpe7118girl… no problem in that if you’re both adults. 4 years is not a big difference at all (for ADULTS). It’s only f up if it involves a teenager with an adult

[@maddiesharpe7118]

@@GH-fb9dh I know there’s no problem with that or I hopefully wouldn’t be with him😂 I started having a crush on him when I was a teenager and we started dating a while after I became an adult. So if he dated me when I was a minor, it would have absolutely been problematic lol

[@stuffwithsoph8264]

My fiancèe is 5 years older than me but I "dated" a 17 year old when I was 13 and several 20 somethings when I was 14-15 until I got my first long term AND age appropriate bf at 16 💀😭

[@claireelizabeth9431]

@@maddiesharpe7118 My fiancé is 16 years older than me 😂

[@nicjonzu]

Whoa, your breakdown is incredible. I am so impressed at your analysis! Thanks for making this, I read PLL when I was 14-16 and I absolutely glamorized and got myself into relationships with adults. I felt so “cool” that older men liked me, but when I look back now and realize I was literally a child, I feel sick 😩

[@SloanStowe]

Thank you so much for your kind words!! And I am so, so sorry you went through that. I cannot wrap my head around the type of person that would pursue a child, but reading these comments, I am blown away by the courage of people like you coming forward about your experiences. Thank you for sharing.

[@nicjonzu]

@@SloanStowe 🫂♥️ Thank you friend! You are doing an amazing thing by highlighting this issue that was for some reason so normalized at one point; even thinking back on celebrity relationships that we all just thought were okay in the early/mid 2000s! AH!

[@The.divine.feminine.444]

As someone who got into a relationship with a 26 year old man when I was freshly 18, I can definitely say PLL had a huge impact on me. I idolized Aria and Ezra so much growing up watching this show to the point where I lived the experience! He was my manager at the restaurant I was working at. He knew I had little to no experience with boys or relationships and that he was in a position of power over me and he used all of that to his advantage. I still vividly remember one of our first text conversations where he wanted to play 21 questions (seriously?) and he asked if I knew how old he was. This “relationship” went on for almost 2 years after he looped me into a polyamorous dynamic where he had 2 OTHER GIRLFRIENDS??? He justified it because if I loved him like I said i did, I would allow him to be his true self😀 I ended up breaking up with him and finally realized how much mental, physical, and emotional abuse he put me through. I turn 25 in a few weeks which marks 7 years. Not sure the validity but don’t they say your skin cells fully die and replenish every 7 years? I keep telling myself that because then that means I’ll start to finally be rid of his touch forever.

[@rubypedroza550]

Its absolutely insane they let this air, at the time it was airing i had a friend in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL watching this. I can only imagine how that went.

[@PrettyIndependent1]

This is making me realize how I got groomed in a friendship with an older women. It wasn’t romantic or sexual at all, but I got manipulated to do a lot of things for her. And I was used to make her look younger to help her have access to younger guys that were my age, yet she would act younger but then shame me in the ways that I was young. She would try to groom younger men all the time because she looked at least 10 years younger than she was. She used me as bait. Now we were all adults but still it was the dynamic of a person 15 years older trying to manipulate the mind of someone younger to get what they want.

[@stuffz4040]

Oof feel that so hard. If I describe what I went through, I can’t possibly say it wasn’t grooming, but at the same time things never fully progressed to a relationship. I was a bit riskier being online but from the states where age of consent was higher, and even reading those lines make me realize this was a further part of the grooming that even now I’m too naive to realize. I was very naive and sheltered so I made a lot of excuses but also had little desire for a relationship so convinced myself to be ignorant instead. If I had been a bit more forward, saying yes instead of um, or had been close in person things could’ve gone very differently. By the time I turned 18 I had started to see through things enough that I wasn’t worth it even as I had tried for the last few times to excuse and change someone else’s behavior. When I was younger than that I was also in that half-bait position, being put on defense when those that were smarter than me would finally get the courage to leave and that is honestly what helped me get out and why being 18 played a larger role in that. The realization that I would change from victim to enabler even if it hadn’t quite occurred to me that anything had happened was enough to leave. But the promotion of these questionable age gap relationships in series like this and brought me back one last time to finally realize how bad it had been and leave, but I still went back one more time than I should’ve.

[@simpleton3781]

That’s so unfair and disgusting on her part I’m so sorry you had to deal with that utter BS

[@EmL-kg5gn]

I’m so sorry this happened to you and to those young men. That’s awful!! I hope she faces justice

[@PrettyIndependent1]

I can’t thank you guys enough for your responses. I’ve done a lot of healing and forgiving, especially of myself because I was just so naive and didn’t know. I was always gaslit to be the villain for even addressing the way I felt about things that were happening to the point where I would end up apologizing to her about things I thought were an issue. Even now I know that it’s just her nature to lie, blame shift and never take accountability, you can’t help but want some outsider truth to be spoken in. A simple comment of validation that someone empathizes with you goes a long way. I was not expecting responses at all but wow, they warmed my heart. I am extremely appreciative of the simple warm condolences. 💖

[@EmL-kg5gn]

@@PrettyIndependent1 I don’t know you but I’m so proud of you for being able to see the truth despite all that manipulation and for working so hard to heal!! I definitely know what you mean about forgiving yourself, but even though I’m sure you wish you’d responded differently at times I really don’t think you actually did anything that requires forgiveness. Guilt and shame belongs to the abuser not to you 💕

[@broadwaybutterfly310]

I never got passed season 1 of PLL. I watched it when I was 16 on netflix and it frustrated me that no one would acknowledge that Aria was a minor. It was always "I'm your teacher, no one can know because I could get fired". I remember screaming at my screen "and she's a minor!" when Ezra was explaining why Aria's father can't know about them but he only mentioned the teacher-student part. Idk, I just couldn't get past that they only acknowledge 50% of why the romance was "forbidden"... also I found them cringe :/ There was a scene when Aria calls him by his first name in class and everyone was like :O!! and I got such bad second hand embarrassment I had to stop

[@Angelina-kr3tz]

I used to always skip past scenes of him

[@floresdeisla]

I only watched S1 of PLL too... but here's the big distinction. You say you watched this at 16, but most of these 'teenagers' who did watch the show esp as the first season aired, were in the 12-14 year old demographic. That includes myself, I was 12 at the time when it first aired and all my 12-13 y/o classmates would talk non-stop about it. From that one season alone, it had a damning effect on us. While you were screaming at the characters for not mentioning the age gap issue, here we were, young 12 year-olds looking at it like "aw omg, star-crossed lovers. I hope they make it through!" The fact that the writers knew this fact makes me sick, adds a whole new layer of manipulation and deceit similar to how the characters of the show acted it out.

[@fleerow]

It’s funny how sometimes you realize you were groomed when you grow up to their age and notice that you don’t find minors attractive. I was 16 and the guy was 21. I was “mature for my age” of course and I really wanted to be seen as an adult. I looked up to him, while at the same time he made me feel small and undermined to obey him. People looked weird at us on the streets. We weren’t together long but I still feel icky about things he did to me. He also abused my best friend after that, they were together way longer and she went through so many fucked up things from him, but as a minor we both didn’t see anything weird in his behavior, he twisted reality to blame us for everything and put us against each other. Till this day this man wishes me death because I broke up with him and wasn’t mature enough (16 years old!!!!). As a 25 year old now there are times when I struggle with sexuality, and ever since hitting 21 I realized I would NEVER seduce a 16 year old child!!! I still see myself as a child, but dear god teenagers know nothing of the world! They want to be taken seriously and feel that they matter and it’s so easy to make them trust you. I used to love pretty little liars so much and loved Ezra and Arya but after I grew up a bit and stopped idealizing older men I realized how wrong it was.

[@fiercelycheering]

I was one of the 12 year olds who had a fan page for ezria, shipped them, and interacted with the writers/actors. A month after I turned 17, I started messing around with a 22 year old after being approached by him. I am now 22 and am only now realizing things about that relationship. I can’t understand seeing someone in high school and thinking I’d want to be in any kind of relationship at 22. My friend was also in the fandom and was groomed as well and I’m not sure she has realized what happened to her. This is a really well put together video. Thanks for the awareness!

[@vampedtone]

I've watched this show sooooo many times and this video was so well written and explained perfectly the thoughts I had about this topic! Thank you for this!

[@Thil]

The Aria and Ezra relationship definetly did shape my way of thinking as a young teen. While luckily it never for to the point of sexual or romantic, I did have a teacher (aged 26) approach me when I was only 16. It was at college introduction weekend (yes I went to college quite early) where you'd do fun activities together and party with your soon to be classmates. The teacher was like a chaperone for the situation. While I didn't drink (since I wasn't 18), he did. The 2 of us played twister, danced, had a genuinely fun time. Probably cause he was slightly intoxicated, cause as soon as college actually started that connection was gone and it was stricly student/teacher. However, I remember having a crush on him. Being dissapointed he didn't pursue me. If he had the bad intentions, I would have definetly become a victim of grooming. To this day I am so thankful he wasn't that type of person, cause it would have been detrimental to my youth if he was. It definetly doesn't help that I was literally watching Pretty Little Liars at the same time. While the overlap is short, I started college during the last season. So I had that idea of a teacher student relationship made to be something to aspire for and had that mindset created for me for years before this moment happened...

[@MileinaJuarez]

That scares me. My older daughter is 15 and she is in grade eleven. She will go to college as a minor. She also looks very developed and we have issues with adult men from 19-22 trying to talk to her. She is so into her studies and horse riding and competition that she never had any interest in relationships of the romantic type yet. Her going to college alone and possibly a much older man going after her. She might think it’s ok because her dad and me have an eight year age gap, not realizing that age gaps as adults are different than for teens. She recently asked if she could watch PLL but it might be a bad idea. I hope you got safe through college at a young age.

[@doid4354]

@@MileinaJuarezmy best friend in high school was 14 when a 21 year old brother of one of her friends started pursuing her. She went for it despite me and our other friends expressing our concern. I remember asking her why she was even okay with this and she said that her parents had an 11 year age gap so it wasn’t odd to her. They dated for 3 years yet she was showing signs of stress and codependency within the first year. No one could convince her to break it off, in fact it made her mad that we were uncomfortable with it. We gave up because we didn’t want to lose her as a friend. It’s actually a common pattern for kids to replicate what their parents relationships look like. I would advise you to be extremely clear with your daughter about this. I thought my best friend was smart, but she still fell victim to that fucked up relationship. I really do think the fact that her parents had such a large age gap had something to do with it. Because she has never seen this show. Please educate your daughter.

[@hannahhannah7002]

​@MileinaJuarez you need to have a real and serious conversation with your daughter. If she's going to college alone as a minor, it is your responsibility to make sure she is equipped to keep herself safe. Not letting her watch PPL quite frankly doesn't cut it

[@KatalovesLinkinPark]

​@@MileinaJuarez i think it would be a good idea to watch this video with her in a calm moment and discuss this. Also a general talk about consent and power dynamics. All the best

[@ardenalexa94]

@@MileinaJuarezI mean you could let her watch it but have a discussion with her about how the student teacher relationship is inappropriate. It’s up to you. I had an issue with being pursued by much older guys at that age too because I looked older. It’s scary looking back on it. Let her know it’s never appropriate for an adult to try to date a teenager.

[@English3Muffin]

What an incredibly well done video essay. I appreciate your mention of young people being seen as more mature for their age, and how that’s often a sign of trauma or in some way being forced to grow up. It is really wild looking back at what we consumed in our youth through the lens of adulthood. This is definitely a show that absolutely did not age well at all.

[@grace-4072]

Man i’m like 10 minutes in and this is actually incredibly validating as someone who was taken advantage of by someone only a few years older. I really appreciate your talking about ezra’s specific age. Also this video is incredibly well written and edited, I’ll have to subscribe!!

[@luiiiandmovieee]

"we could go through 2 more entire decades (...) and we still wouldn't be as old as Marlene King was" that hit me so much. How is it even possible she thought it was a good idea???

[@chechue1]

Another reason why fans root for the romance is because of adult actors being cast in the roles of teenagers. You tend to forget their age in the show and start rooting for the romance. Thats why its important to cast actors who are actually teenagers to avoid such confusion visually

[@lamzevee]

there was a substantial part of the fandom who regularly called out the ezria relationship and we all got attacked for it constantly and dismissed as simply being “jealous” of Marlene’s favoritism because many of us were primarily haleb shippers 😒

[@emmadenton1826]

I can't remember the show very well (and I definitely didn't finish it), but haleb has gotta be the most healthy relationship any of the core 4 are in, right? It's definitely a low bar, but it's gotta be them