normalising rough sex & kink

[@jordanatheresa]

i hope you all enjoy! time stamps - 00:00 - intro 05:22 - the normalisation of kink 14:45 - vanilla shaming 18:52 - kink should still not be normalised 21:25 - belle delphine & kink entering the mainstream 26:42 - armie hammer - when kinks become misogynistic

[@user-us7py1cy2k]

I girls can’t do anything without being sexualized and turning into a trend on tiktok

[@H3rm0sa]

Whenever it comes to tik tok they’ll take anything and normalize, romanize or even sexualize it till others become disgusted by it.

[@dreamdiction]

If you are not trying to get pregnant, why are you having sex?

[@sarahthomas8670]

@@dreamdiction people also have sex for pleasure too lmao

[@dreamdiction]

@@sarahthomas8670 Yeah, the peasants have no ability to create the world their children are forced to live in but they have children anyway - for pleasure.

[@user-us7py1cy2k]

People act like being abusive or toxic is cute

[@lesbiangoddess290]

I know. It's so weird like stop.

[@chrissiesparrow3550]

and you're 'vanilla' if you think peeing and spitting is gross

[@sofiarestaino6537]

Y E S

[@hannah5092]

@@chrissiesparrow3550 FR. like just because i don’t wanna get beat in bed doesn’t mean i’m vanilla

[@uhhlexuzz]

@@chrissiesparrow3550 Yeah true. I don’t take any of the kink stuff ppl say on online seriously. It’s all one big joke. Ppl will say and do ANYTHING if it’s trendy. Watch normalizes kinks will go away and everyone will move on to normalizes something else lol

[@fruitygarlic3601]

HBO'S Euphoria has some problems with its portrayal of sex, but I really liked how they approached the topic of people getting sexual education exclusively from porn. One character has had his entire idea of relationships shaped by voyeuristically watching a family member's affairs, and his girlfriend imitates things she sees in porn to manipulate his lack of understanding. One of his friends chokes a girl without asking because of the type of porn he watches, which the show explicitly calls out. I appreciate that.

[@your_dad_on_vacation]

My only problem is, is that they're in highschool

[@warmtoiletseat7362]

@@your_dad_on_vacation Exactly, I wish that they were college students at the very least..

[@christinemaure4216]

@@warmtoiletseat7362 finally someone say it

[@kilimanjaro5537]

@@warmtoiletseat7362 it literally makes no sense why they are in high school. The plot of the show would fit perfectly in college but for some sick disgusting reason hollywood is obsessed with portraying teens partaking in adult activities/situations.

[@your_dad_on_vacation]

@The Raquel And Ian Show yeah but these shows don't need to over saturate/explicitly show the things theyre doing

[@hosly101]

I think another issue regarding TikTok is that literally so many of the app's users are MINORS

[@lucysoutlet]

Totally agree, it’s really worrying that children are exposed to these things

[@blessedbrebre]

This!!!

[@soccergoth131]

Yeah and they’re super impressionable and you can’t tell em shit

[@aludepokwana5927]

they literally bring all these weird trends on a children's app

[@xxxxOS]

Yeah. Im sorry but minors should not be accessible on such an Intimate level with the creeps of the internet. Older guys stalk these pages and honestly. I really think its making a lot of men attracted to younger and younger girls. Social media is a drug and should not be used unless you are 18+, id even go as far as to say 20 considering the impact its having on people's mental health. Young people are still developing into their 20s. Social media and the internet is having disastrous consequences to society.

[@danak1638]

"sometimes its not a kink, you're just misogynistic" i want it in my t-shirt now

[@GabriellahItaly]

I want that on a shirt, a coffee mug, and a notebook.

[@sadgalcc]

hot take but i think the people that vanilla shame aren't even kinky people

[@RollingOnFire]

I think they're ppl that are young new to kink, who don't know how to do it safely

[@honeybuns8225]

i agree. The kinks that they normally are protecting are pretty simple in terms of BDSM. If they had to deal with really labor intensive kinks, that you have to do a shit ton of prep, they would must surely not understand it.

[@phoenixfritzinger9185]

They’re just really desperate about having kinky people think they are cool

[@gothiccck6296]

Thats not a hot take. People in the kink community don't shame and emphasise safety

[@banquetoftheleviathan1404]

Kink community isn't a monolith. It's just a Fandom no different tha how this channel has a Fandom. They aren't all safe lol. Ppl get really culty about it.

[@rianne3448]

i'm so glad you made a video about this bc while obviously it's fine to have kinks and have rough sex, the way vanilla sex is shamed and called boring online is SO toxic and it really worries me that teen girls will see that and think they have to be into rough sex to not be 'boring'

[@AngelCaz7]

happened to me n yea a have trauma from going straight into rough sex when i lost my virginity

[@Grrranola]

@@AngelCaz7 I'm so sorry that that happened to you. That's horrible especially for you first time!

[@Itzkeisha]

I’m so glad we are having these conversations sis , great video 😝✨

[@flaming9]

This is the crossover i didnt know i needed OMG I LOVE IT

[@Grace-ig7vm]

QUEEN KEISA LIKING ALL MY FAVE KZbinRS IS A WIN!❤

[@sugarapple7288]

Hi Keisha! I love your videos! Hope your having a good day!

[@jordanatheresa]

ahhh thank you sm luv!

[@imcoldburrr3613]

Y’all needa make a video together y’all are like the iconic duo

[@zaida121]

Huge red flag: Using "vanilla" as an insult. Sexual education is so needed nowadays...

[@georgieh7351]

Personally, sex is a very emotionally involved thing (I'm demi) and the fact that I feel weird for not wanting to be smacked or choked during sex really concerns me. Why is having a loving interaction so 'boring', according to social media?

[@Maddie-gm7bd]

Its definitely normal and perfectly okay not to want that. So many people these days are being desensitized to sex due to the overconsumption of violent porn which in my opinion is having a very negative effect on people's view on sex and love

[@honeybuns8225]

imo, it comes from emotion not being a thing men have or enjoy. Per example, it's a common opinion from certain men that they only put up with the necessities of their gf for sex, or that having a fwb is a dream bc they think fwb means you can be completely selfish. So, there is somewhat an idea that if you are a real men, you only like rough sex and dont care abt all the love cute stuff. Emotion has just always been associeted with weakness and women, so men should stay away from it. So, when BDSM started to grow in the hetero community (it was originally from the gay community) it become the perfect loophole. You can abuse women bc it's sexy, ignoring all the after care and trust that is a must in BDSM. And also, while before a perfect women was a pure innocent v*rgin, I think it has now switched to a perfect women is the one that let's you do whatever you want, but only with you. Also, believe it or not, addiction to p*rn is way more common than you think. And like addicts, they tend to need to increase the stimulation they receive more and more. So maybe in the beggining they watched normal p*rn with all the hugs and love involved. But then, that became boring and they chased more and more shook factors, like violence. An*l, that is not at all an vanilla act like many people want it to be, used to not exist at all in hetero p*rn bc it was seen as gay. And nowadays, it's considered standard, not in porn, but also for many men's sexual life. The industry is also to blame, bc they know that addicts are the one that will give them the money they want, and they know addicts need strong stimulation, but their excuse is "we welcome all kinks". First, they dont. I like femdom, finding good femdom is impossible. Plus, most of all their so called kinks are just plain abuse. They show no prior discussion of consent, which is a big must in BDSM p*rn, they dont show the after care, they dont show you nothing that makes it clear it's kink. In conclusion, those are the factors that I think impacted society opinion. Emotion being seen as weakness, the increase of violence in p*rn and the increase of sexualization of the human body. But at the end of the day, do what you want. It's your body, you choose what you like. I practice some kinks but I still love a good cuddly session. And even rough s*x, I dont understand how people say it's not romantic. One of the reasons I like it is because I feel really cared for seeing my partner take extra precautions and being more vocal to assure he is not hurting me. I guess it's because they think rough sex is not caring about your partner and doing it like a bunny.

[@ambarcastaneda4763]

That’s very interesting! I am also demi but extremely kinky. I’m sad that you feel that way. You should only have sex in ways you enjoy and consent to. People who shame others for being ‘vanilla’ are jerks, honestly. Don’t listen to them, your feelings and way of having sex are completely valid!

[@luchirimoya]

@@honeybuns8225 I wish I could like your comment more than once lol, completely agree with everything you said. People's addiction to sex, usually men's, tends to lead to looking for more and more violent content, and subconsciously normalizing it, using it as an excuse to hurt and manipulate (usually) women, making toxic relationships and dynamics seem normal. Kinky or rough sex doesn't mean it has to be painful, one-sided or not romantic, aftercare is so important and a dom/domme being extra careful about not hurting you or doing something that would bother you, both during and after, can make you feel loved too. But taking BDSM scenarios out of context is soo harmful and can lead to more than awkward situations, maybe even a traumatizing experience for the other person. We honestly need more sex ed :/

[@honeybuns8225]

@@luchirimoya I honestly dont think sex ed is an answer. That would imply that first, teachers learn this stuff. That is not their work. I already think the sex ed i had in my country, that was def not best, was too much for teachers bc no adult wants to deal with weird sex questions from kids they dont know. It's unconfortable for both sides. Hire actual nurses to do the job. Also parents need to set up. I dont know way so many people want non educated strangers teaching their kids such an crucial topic. It's your kid, your job. I do think proper education about contraceptives and diseases should be part, but mostly to try to catch the kids in an abusive family that gave them weird views, and bc it's basic stuff that is the same for everyone. While talking about kinks can be helpful for others kids, and for others can just weird the shit out of them. I think the answer is just normalize sex, vanilla sex, and talking about it. Just, per example, in between your friends. As a woman, I find it so weird how I went so many years without talking about masturbation with other women, and I legit thought I was the only smart ass one that figured it out. I was the first one to start talking abt it, bc despite my fear of being shamed, I was curious and I also wanted to make sure my friends knew it was ok. And after that, we just started talking about so much and I was so surprised that I was not the weird pervert girl lol. My bf has talked abt an ex gf being shamed by her own best friend about masturbating, which was really bad for her, the ex gf, due to personal reasons. Luckily my bf was there to call out the bs, but if they were alone the poor girl could end up her life thinking she was shameful. And also stop accepting bullying. I was bullied and looking at my experience, teens doing the whole "vanilla is boring" is just another way they found to be able to bully others. When I was young, girls were bullied for having sex. Nowadays, girls are bullied for not having sex. And Im 21yo, so things changed fast. The thing that didnt change is how school acts. They literally dont do shit. Stop excusing and normalizing gender rules. There is the constant preaching that men are dominant, women are submissive. Men have instincts that society opresses. It's a constant preaching of so called facts, but if they really were facts, preaching wouldnt be needed. As long as "boys will be boys" is accepted, there isnt much you can do about sexual violence. Not only bc it will reinforce violent men, but also bc non violent men will feel like they have to be it. While on reddit, I have seen quite a few men saying the same. They are either tired of being forced to being dominant bc that is the only thing their partner likes, or being afraid to have sex bc they dont want to do violent acts. It makes me extra sad bc porn is supposed to be made for men, and still, even men are being damaged by it. I mean, im so sick of men protecting the whole "women only like b*g dicks", even if themselves dont have one. They are harming themselves, but they still do it. Even if you are a woman, your opninion doesnt count bc you are just lying. There is a lot of blaming on men for thinking sex is like porn, and yeah, with how extreme porn is rn, you have to be kinda dumb. The problem is they are dumb, they are kids that never kissed a girl, much less touched one, and everywhere they go, that is what they see. On top of it, women that do like or pretend to like violent kinks are put on a spotlight bc of the validation they give to abusers. Porn stars literally go on interviews and say they love their work, they have real orgasms. Why would they lie? To keep the fantasy up and the money coming, but when you a kid, you just arent that smart bc a kid doesnt have a decent live experience. They go to twitter, and girls are posting the exact same. Kinda went off topic, but I find this important. I think the only answer for this is for porn to be actually legalized so it can properly be controlled. At the very least, remove illegal videos, that alone would be a big help. But goverments are all so archaic, so expecting any kind of internet control isnt realistic. Imo, I honestly dont think things will get better in the near future. I believe all of this started with the good intention of normalizing sex, but the wrong people took advantage of it, and they will continue. And sorry for the long ass reply.

[@angelakiprevski7352]

imagine that kid going to school, meeting other kids and finding out that other mothers don't call their husbands 'daddy'. that's gonna put that kid's brain through a bender

[@ilfioredeldeserto-gk3mg]

lmaooo did bella forget that her twitter acc was/is pubblic and many ppl retweeted the tweet so it was seen by for example innocent kpop stans who did NOT want to see that... i have ptsd from being r**** and if i saw that randomly on twt i would probably go into an episode like cmon twitter is not a place for that kind of stuff PER FAVORE stick to only fans

[@LizIsaCheeseDoodle]

Oh yeah I totally agree. It could be very triggering there was no reason to post something like this without a trigger warning

[@Latoyas_got_your_soul]

I just don't want young girls to think they have to accept certain things during sex like choking is fun but is actually done very wrong by most men your support to apply pressure on the sides on the neck not stop the other person from breathing all together

[@emma7933]

I've also heard horror stories of men randomly deciding to choke their girlfriends during sex with no prior discussion or warning. Those do really freak me out, because I really hate anyone touching my neck in any way (a combination of autistic sensory issues and someone trying to strangle me when I was seven) and if someone was to choke me without permission it would almost certainly lead to a gigantic meltdown, which can ruin entire weeks. I'm still a virgin but these sort of things make me kind of nervous when it comes to thinking about possible sex in the future because there are so many "men are trash" stories out there.

[@Latoyas_got_your_soul]

@@emma7933 yeah it's so dangerous how it's not even communicated about before. I was being choked so hard once I couldnt speak to say stop and had to start pulling his grip away to get his attention but it's just so harmful how normal it is

[@emma7933]

@@Latoyas_got_your_soul That's absolutely awful, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I don't know how society managed to fail to give men sex ed so hard, but at the same time "don't almost injure a partner during sex" should just be common sense.

[@missburn]

@@Latoyas_got_your_soul Fucking hell. Did you talk to him about it afterwards?

[@missburn]

@@emma7933 A lot of men have the opinion that "everyone knows what is okay" so they don't care much. That is especially what I have learned from the whole consent discussion in my country the last few years. They get really offended by the idea that they have to learn to get consent.

[@smolsmol1159]

I also think a child who grows up watching this could believe they need to be owned by someone We form out love relationships based on the relationship we see our parents have. So if mommy is "owned" and controlled by daddy.... we copy that and look for a partner that will dominate us. And that should be a decision we make when were old enough and experimented in healthy relationships.not something a child should grow into.

[@Girl95szia]

I agree. Being owned is a great kink, to be honest. But first, you need to estabilish your own boundaries and you need to be clear with yourself about your own self-worth. A lot of kinks come from traumas, so you should be introspective and know what is affecting you and what can you enjoy for it's clean pleasure. Little girls are not prepeared for this neither are boys - even a lot of adults are not totally cognizant about it.

[@smolsmol1159]

@@Girl95szia EXACTLY. And i said that in another comment in here.. that many kinks come from traumas. But i got some backlash.. cause people take that as "kink shaming". I love bdsm and a bit into ddlg , but im aware of the fact it came to me due to childhood abuse. Self worth plays a HUGE role here, as long as someone keeps healthy boundries and see themselves as worthy- releasing emotions/desires through kinks is great. People need to talk about the darker aspects of bdsm and ddlg more in my opinion :)

[@j.kaimori3848]

Sounds like conservative Christianity imo, I don't think the two are unrelated.

[@vanellaicecream9821]

Even if you know that porn is not an accurate representation of sex, if it is all you are seeing then you subconsciously take that in.

[@lish285]

this is absolutely true

[@xxxmelissatacionxxx]

Yep men have admitted to having to watch kinker and kinker sex to get that "hit" that vanilla sex used to give them. It's a whole thing so I'm not surprised if it then bleeds into their real sex life.

[@chloeh6098]

Can we not call cannibalism a kink 😭. If you're associating cutting body parts off of your partner and then ingesting them with something sexual... seek help.

[@ongakira]

cannaiblism ?!?!

[@taiyabazaheer9492]

Exactly! I can't believe people in 2021 think cannibalism is a kink. In some articles on allegations against Armie Hammer, it mentions that it is normal if done consensually with a mutually interested partner but I was like nooooo🤢 ewwww. No one who wants to eat another person's body parts or wants someone to eat their body parts should be called 'kinky'. They should be called mentally sick and rushed to an asylum facility. It's 2021 and people are normalising everything just to sound woke but it's actually the opposite. Let's put all nonsense to an end.

[@carolinebilletdoux3091]

What in the Hannibal Lecter is going on here

[@josukeshair8891]

Armie Hammer wants your location 👁👁

[@froggygirl999]

vanilla is like the ice cream flavour: it’s familiar yet still delicious. Where’s say pistachio is good for some and not for others. everyone’s different and their preferences should be respected (as long as their not harming anyone)

[@szigetizita2698]

I come from a catholic school and the sex ed was learning about periods and THE CALENDAR METHOD 😂😂 Edit: men can feel pressured too and "not man enough" if they are not rough with their partner. I've met a boy to whom it took several sexy times to admit he was not into choking. I was so sorry.

[@honeybuns8225]

this. my partner had a relationship with a girl that always said no when they were together, and then over texts would complain why didnt he do it. in conclusion, when he was with me he had trouble beliving my word, and always thought I was ashamed to say the truth, and that he could be doing more if I admmited it. the bf of my friend also vented that when he refused to choke his ex-gf, she said he wasnt man enough, so choking was now an hard limit for him.

[@mirdhasujana3783]

I will probably never have sex but damn yh I mean it's so scary knowing that men can just.....randomly start choking or physically hurt someone during sex without prior consent. This is why I can never trust someone for me to be vulnerable with that way. Its so scary. I love your points and will be using them if I ever fall in arguement/discussion with my friends about this.

[@juliee593]

This is indeed scary, but if you find the right person, who shows you they value your consent and how you feel, that fear can be eliminated. If you take it very slow and make sure everyone is comfortable the whole time, you can explore safely and without hurting yourself physically or emotionally. To be extra safe I think it's important to have an open discussion before anything sexy happens about what each partner is ok or not ok with.

[@ongakira]

if it’s consent it’s ok

[@sid9012]

my friends used vanilla as an insult and I KNOW for a fact none of them have had sex like it’s so dumb

[@anjujain641]

Siiiidddd... Are you are india... In india too people be pressuring each other in to sex... No way 😭

[@glimmerhutcherson139]

As a child, hearing my parents having sex once already traumatised me for years. I can't imagine what witnessing a 24/7 relationship could do to one child's psychology.

[@siany100]

I was choked wrong once and nearly died, kinks NEED to be properly understood and never underestimated ever! My experience was terrifying, and thinking about it makes me feel sick

[@fini5294]

It’s not even kink that’s being normalized, it’s literally just being violent towards women. The behavior of men I hooked up with made me think I wasn’t into being submissive at all because they were disrespectful or just didn’t know what they were doing. It also doesn’t seem like many men enjoy it a lot, they think they’re supposed to hurt women in bed to be real men. It’s scary, And I‘m saying this as someone who is into most of that shit.

[@doomguyjustnotthecoolone2931]

It irks me how 14 year olds are claiming to have this kink and that kink when they should be concerned with their GCSE's

[@ongakira]

#shadyafcomebacks

[@britneybij3997]

Hetero Porn & hetero Men really do be trying their best to ruin sex and anything related to sex for women. Like take a break, isnt it exhausting to twist something that should be enjoyable for all into something borderline traumatizing for women? It's not benefiting anyone, how does it get like this?

[@mikhail.lawley]

Honestly a man getting off to in any way berating, humiliating, hurting, choking, slapping... women is just fucked up, abusive and misogynistic. The guy is literally getting off to abusing the woman, seeing her as inferior, etc. The fact that this is getting normalized is insane

[@rachel-xz6wr]

if it’s consensual and the woman likes it too what’s the problem

[@ananaspryde5687]

Im so happy you speak about this! Im all for sexual freedom, but this topic just hits home for me. Rough sex and bdsm is not for everyone, and i have noticed this trend to coorce young women into it, even if not all want it.i too have been shamed for being "too vanilla" for not wanting an open bdsm relationship ... i was told i was just jealous if i wanted to be in a monogamous relationship and pressured into doing stuff i wanst really comofortable with bc otherwise i was deemed a prude. Like not many want to talk about this but men use this to get women to do sexual favours they are not comfortabel with. Watch out girls dont let anyone pressure you into stuff if you dont want to!

[@SteppingStonevlogs]

Good advice:)

[@sharonberry410]

This was my experience as well. Kicked him to the curb.

[@flowers_and_ann]

I recently installed TikTok and was so shocked and disconcerted how young girls behave and pose in their videos. It was so inappropriate for their age, like, is this reality in their lives now???

[@skullbuster1220]

I’ve actually felt this as a guy, all the women I’m around online all talk about bdsm and power play dom sub stuff and I’m just not into that at all but it’s made me feel like I’m boring because it makes me feel like women are looking for some one to beat them up and I’m just not that kind of guy

[@anushka6559]

Its completely fine...you don't have to be in any of the stuff ❤

[@sharonberry410]

Thank God for you. Please stay gentle and strong!

[@jae7367]

Ik I keep commenting, but I also think people do not realize that need to talk and have consent before performing the kink. Like kinks NEED to be discussed and talked out because it is not the norm. I am not that knowledgeable about this, but I think trust plays a huge factor when it comes to kinks. And since people aren't having those long conversations they end up getting hurt and being traumatized from that experience.

[@gingerkatherina]

I love how you are confident enough to talk about these topics without a false sense of shame. It's pretty refreshing to hear a feminine, well spoken young woman say the word "sex" without bleeping it because of fear they might get demonitized or other "image- reasons". ❤️

[@misganawsharew7422]

I think there is a difference between destigmatizing and normalizing, and those two shouldn't be conflated as one and the same

[@abpa8829]

PERIOD

[@KarenGomez-iv7bh]

Another thing about the belle delphine situation is that you didn't need to follow her to come across her photos. I don't follow her and yet it appeared on my tl, either by people liking it or qrting it to discuss it. It's not simply "oh don't follow me then"

[@sillybilly9384]

if anyone posts kinky stuff it needs to be under specific hastags. her aesthetic etc without hastags can make un consenting parties see her content. her softcore lewds could appear in the reccomended of those who are in to soft aesthetic etc im guessing she dosnt put hastags like #18+ etc i believe? if im correct then thats a big issue and a reason why u saw such things. its gross. if belle dosnt go through the proper proceidures of making her kink stay in a consensual space it isnt a 'u shouldnt ve following me then' issue. shes trying to make it mainstream which we already know is a bad thing

[@KarenGomez-iv7bh]

@@sillybilly9384 exactly! no hashtags, no trigger warnings, nothing. If it ended on my tl, it could've ended on a minors tl as well. Can you imagine the impression? She really needs to do better.

[@sillybilly9384]

@@KarenGomez-iv7bh god this is terrible she needs to take time away and study kinks and how to make sure her content stays in a safe space more. its not that hard to put a hashtag and boom she wouldnt be in this situation. normally i see alot of ppl go through the right procedures but this is uncalled for. no one wants to see r word play. hecc its not even a valid kink. not even the kinksters wanna see that. im so sorry you had to see that its just annoying

[@xxxxOS]

Yeah same. I didnt know who she was and I was happier before I did. All these things are being pushed on us, from Belle to Vtubers. Its not just the creators of the content who are to blame, its these silicon valley platforms too, being very reckless in order to make as much money from this problem, as possible. I get triggered by porn after a previous relationship, my ex was super addicted to kink porn and it ruined our relationship because he was always trying to act out that stuff on me and also spent way too much time watching porn in general. Once I'm made aware of something that triggers me I want to understand it more and then I end up a wreck. Finding out that so many men were into belle truly freaked me out considering she plays up those child like mannerisms. Its made me super sus about men in general and what they are really thinking about.

[@_b_e_a_n_s_]

sometimes my mom calls my dad "daddy" but not in a kinky way but just as a way of addressing him as my dad. so context really matters when it comes to that

[@lanaroberts9929]

This conversation is so needed. I am 24 and had an extremely sexually abusive relationship as my first one, and I believe it was caused by porn and the normalisation of extreme kink. And that was almost 8 years ago, i feel horrible knowing younger people are going to experience it even more with porn getting more and more extreme over time. It’s getting worse, more normalised. I am into kink but you don’t have to be, consent is crucial. What can we do? I feel like porn needs a reset.

[@elocmurphy1062]

"Men believe the pornography, in which the women always want it. Men believe the pornography, in which women resist and say no only so that men will force them and use more and more force and more and more brutality. To this day, men believe the pornography and men do not believe the women that say no. Some people say that pornography is only fantasy. What part of it is fantasy? Women are being beaten and whipped and held captive. The violence depicted is true. The acts of violence in pornography are real acts committed against real women and real female children. The fantasy is that women want to be abused."

[@kriszta3940]

Idk but it somehow seems like fifty shades of gray also participated in the normalization of kinks

[@spookymarti3712]

i started having sex with kinky stuff because i didn’t want to seem vanilla and boring, now after 1 year of relationship i’m kinda traumatised but i’m trying to recover and heal. I love vanilla and loving sex, if you do love it too don’t be ashamed ❤️

[@panda839578567659610]

i really hope rough sex and kink doesnt get more normalized than it already is. as someone who gets very triggered by those things sometimes (aha trauma yay), its hard to be almost yelled at by some of my friends just because im tryin not to have flashbacks in bed

[@strxwberryberet]

Finally, someone’s spoken against/criticized Belle! I watched a couple of videos on the situation she got herself into after posting the tweets, but all of the KZbinrs videos I watched have defended her. I thank you for making this video, because I felt very odd that she was not getting a lot of criticism from the KZbinrs I watch. Yeah... they were calling people snowflakes for getting uncomfortable by her tweets. Yikes!

[@peachysandie]

I feel like I know one of the youtubers, but I can't say for sure. But yeah I felt really uncomfortable over the people who were like "oh don't look at it if you don't like it."...well people that most likely didn't want to look at it didn't have the choice because she didn't use a TW

[@bzzybrie8232]

Kink is incredibly liberating and great if done with full knowledge, understanding, and consent. It's honestly horrifying to me that so many young people are being introduced to kink as the absolute baseline of sex, and it like. As someone with [issuesissuesissuesissues], it's harrowing to witness. Like we've gone from being disgusted by kink in a fascinated way to the way other extreme imo.

[@honeybuns8225]

Not only that, but I have literally never seen a kink being talked about like it should be really done. Per example, choking. There is no awareness about how dangerous it really is,(it's deadly), many people think passing out is ok, when that means you have just sufferend brain damage. BDSM literally says it should not be done bc it's that dangerous, and still, at this point, it's seen as a completely normal must have. An*l is the same stuff. It is just seen as vanilla at this point, when it's not an natural act, but a hardcore kink. Nobody knows the ammount of prep it takes, training and how dangerous it can. People have already died, and more will.

[@dashaxo8795]

Oh my god… my jaw dropped when you mentioned the mom who was displaying her bdsm relationship to her child… that is so not okay, even if she’s not displaying sex acts. That poor child is going to grow up with the mentality that every relationship needs a submissive/dominant role, when that’s not the case AT ALL.

[@leongeds1397]

My first boyfriend (who was 3 years older than me) was very damaged by porn. He had an entire library full of porn, hundreds of folders, and wanted to try stuff out that he had seen. He coerced me into having sex for the first time in my life, and did lots of things without my consent. That shit still affects me today, 10 years later. Still healing from the trauma and trying to figure out what is my sexuality, and what is remains from all the sketchy stuff that's been done to me.

[@clarecapuzzi8888]

the prevailing interest in "teen" or "schoolgirl" porn is disturbing

[@hunbran7939]

When she said "people who like *****play like ****play but people who like ****play don't always like ****play" i felt that.

[@chiaroscuroamore]

You’re so right! All of that toxic bs you discussed is often mistaken for kink when it’s just misogynistic bs. True, healthy kink focuses on Consent, Communication and Respect. And I agree that for many reasons kink needs to stay within that kink community and not normalised.

[@miaingraudo8990]

it makes me so upset seeing women commenting their experiences / opinions and men are in the comments trying to justify their shitty behaviour. clearly this video was made for you 😐

[@selammelasa2471]

A lot of those kinks(not all of them) are pretty peodophilc. like wanting your partner to play pretend like they’re a child it so odd.

[@holly.a]

i've had guys flat out say that i look too much like a woman as opposed to a younger girl, and it's subconsciously made me so insecure about stuff like my wider hips and 178cm/5'10" height. why the hell is not looking underage a dealbreaker for multiple men??

[@dietcoke-cq4sn]

don’t think i ever clicked faster

[@ninadahan2700]

calling your husband daddy in front of KIDS is totally inappropriate and messed up

[@angelikagrae7458]

Straight up, everything you said here is so true. I was introduced to kink and rough sex all over the internet before I had ever had sex. Being "vanilla" was kind of a joke, so of course, I wasn't vanilla!!! And boys always, always talked about kink and I definitely thought it was expected of me. In all of my early sexual experiences, boys were super rough with me, and I went along with it and said it was okay because I was catering to the male gaze, I wanted them to like me, I thought that was normal and expected. Ended up feeling used and like a piece of meat and it was not fun at all. I was freshly turned 18 and honestly I wish so much that I could have had an introduction to sex that didn't include all the roughness, it would have been nice if they were gentle and genuinely cared about me and respected me. But hey, at least I've learned now and can have more positive sexual experiences going forward.

[@anushka6559]

Same and I am so happy for you love ❤❤❤

[@lilly8305]

I have 0 respect for people who practice kinks in front of people without their consent, childrn can never consent and there is no exception to that rule

[@charlotteniza936]

I AGGRESSIVELY agree with everything you said here. You go, Jordan.

[@avikhan150]

Regarding a woman using the term "daddy" to refer to her husband in front of her/their child, I don't think it's that uncommon (at least in my culture). My parents referred to each other as "mommy" and "daddy" both as I was growing up and to this day. Similarly, my grandparents also call each other "mommy" and "daddy." I don't know if, perhaps, it's meant to give context to children growing up. I also am not sure if my experience might be considered different from the scenario mentioned in the video because my experiences specifically involve the pairing of "mommy" with "daddy" as opposed to "babygirl" or other with "daddy." I also don't know much about their sex lives (not my business nor am I interested in knowing) but I've never found it disturbing or abnormal, didn't find it weird that my peers' parents weren't calling each other by similar "terms of endearment," and I have never had suspicions of them being kinky.

[@Blindinglights25]

I get what you mean. But I think what you are referring to are things like " go ask dad or go ask mom" or things like "daddy is in the garden" when they have a conversation about the parent with the child.

[@avikhan150]

@@Blindinglights25 This is not the case with me, actually. They refer to each other as such even when I am not around or involved in the conversation.

[@Blindinglights25]

@@avikhan150 hmm. maybe it's a habit or cultural thing

[@mimir3702]

I really dislike people who shame people for not being interested in kinks and all that and the ones that shame others for their kinks or go "I really don't understand how anyone could want this" /"sorry i don't like being abused" (first of all how is it abuse if both parties agreed to it??). Both just such negative takes on sex, boundaries, and preferences. I do believe kink should not be normalized too because it's not for everyone that's okay!!!! Really do blame the porn industry and men for consuming that content in such high quantities. For me, the most important thing that comes with kinks is consent above all! Consent and boundaries should be normalized!!! BTW rough sex is very normalized in fanfiction with no trigger warnings/content warnings on Tumblr and Wattpad. idc what type of content is being made but specifically how it's normal to put it out with no warnings and it seemed to be just normal sex when it really isn't... content warnings are sexy!

[@xhadow8815]

YES! ALWAYS remember to tag your trigger warnings even if your not sure you should tag fanfic just go and tag it.

[@juliee593]

I think it's possible to think "I don't understand why or how anyone would enjoy this" as long as you don't judge people who like kink. I'm in that case, I really do not understand the appeal of choking, hair pulling, consensual non-consent or anything, that doesn't mean I think people who like it are gross or wrong, I just can not bring myself to see this as arousing or enjoyable because it's not for me. And also it's ok for vanilla people to feel uncomfortable when they're exposed to kink becasue that's just not what they like, it can even be scary, and they don't want to see it.

[@mimir3702]

@@juliee593 so true!! nothing wrong with liking things and nothing wrong with NOT liking those things! as along its all done with consent i think its okay and not really my business! being vanilla is also soo okay! really dont like vanilla shaming either its so stupid and hurtful because these things are so personal and just preference (it goes the other way around too ofc).

[@sabrina1646]

A bit of side not but I’m so glad that authors on AO3 put warning tags !!! And I agree with your points :)

[@alienprincess1484]

I completely agree with you, people who are truly into kink would never shame “vanillas” for what they like

[@TheRavenvsv]

To me the most frustrating thing is that when people start to discussing this issues, other people start defending the porn industry and saying that they are not that dumb to think porn is real but still they keep pushing girls to do this kind of stuff. I have known from a lot of my friends and I have experienced myself how all this rough stuff is being pushed by guys and when you say no, they attack you. It is truly a problem because at least for me it has been difficult to enjoy my sexual life because literally I am afraid to be pushed once again into rough sex. I am now in therapy because of that but honestly, guys never realize how hard it is for us to be put in that position without consenting most of the stuff or without liking it.

[@dyrleifunabergs6070]

If someone pushes you or pressures you to do something sexual that you do not want that is alway sexual abuse. It is so important to talk to therapists if you are struggling. I hope you are feeling well

[@TheRavenvsv]

​@@dyrleifunabergs6070 I appreciate your comment! I have talked to my therapist about this and now I understand what it was. I am totally better than before. Thank you for your kind words and I send you my best wishes

[@zhisu2665]

There's becoming less care for the concept of consent. On tiktok, tumblr, fb and especially instagram. Sexual, kinky and sexually violent content doesn't even need to be actively searched for. it's public majority of the time meaning they already don't care if you consent to seeing that content and highly doubt they care irl.

[@soph9639]

Small note: coconut oil is perfectly safe to use as a body oil, but NOT as a intimate lube. It is a natural oil and unwashed or put inside of genitalia, it will start to decompose, and can cause health damage

[@kileeeeez]

was literally about to say this

[@alexcoop8068]

I’m so glad you talked about the armie hammer situation and the focus wasn’t on the cannibalism I’m so tired of people being upset about that when there were allegations of actual abuse and horrible misogyny

[@Sailorofskies]

Parents who participate in kink in front of their kids are doing it without their kids consent. Kids can't consent to witnessing a scene.

[@tia2676]

This is kind of random but hairy bodies are normal and hairless bodies are the norm.

[@welloopsies6262]

my school(in uk) didnt even tell us about contraceptives and how to put on condoms they were just like "yeah here is some stds heres some pics(ew) dont get them" wtf

[@tarae6587]

same here i went to a catholic primary school and we didn't have any sex ed at all, when i got to high school all we received was pics of stds... had to learn everything else from ao3 fics unfortunately

[@welloopsies6262]

@@tarae6587 honestly ao3 educated 90% of my friend group too its a problem especially since a lot of it is written by other teens/young adults that might not have a good grasp on the topic either

[@katkova3330]

Lol it's funny to read that as I am from Poland. I never had any sex ed, I was never taught about stds, in primary school we had one talk about menstruation - only for girls (in high schools biology lessons boys were learning about that as well). In my case the whole talk made me feel sad and guilty about being a girl. I'm 25 years and I don't know how to put a condom on. I had only one partner and the situation in my country suggests it won't change for some time anyways.

[@welloopsies6262]

@@katkova3330 that sucks and I hope you can find the resources to educate yourself on where school failed you it is definitely an area where most countries do not teach even the basics...

[@stephaniesantos78]

i feel like such a big issue in kink being normalized is also just that women tend to take longer to get turned on or wet, and the way a lot of women that i've spoken to like rough sex is in theory/foreplay--someone kissing you roughly, spanking you to tease you, etc. bc when rough sex happens in that context, that adrenaline can turn you on. but so can softer foreplay, and basically every woman i know is shouting MORE FOREPLAY and men are just not fucking listening lol i thank the damn heavens every day that my bf read smut written by women when he was going through puberty instead of watching porn

[@guiltywaffles]

i havent watched the vid yet but i can already say 'yay for this vid' and that porn is often too violent and kinda perpetuates the objectification of women edit 1: I saw some r*peplay subreddits and it disturbed me so much

[@oliviahegarty1959]

r*pe play is something that will really never sit well with me or things like step sister or anything sexualising young girls, apart from that I’m all for kinks! I agree that they shouldn’t be normalised too x

[@user-uq6vn6yw9o]

kids are introduced to this stuff at such a young age that it causes them to have a very unhealthy idea of what sex is and what it should look like, it’s really sad

[@Elizabeth-bz7jr]

i feel like people treat kink like it has to be all or nothing, people shouldn’t have be kinky all the time to not be considered “boring”

[@rageagainstthemicrowave1313]

As a bi girl, I have started to just feel safer with women because I find them easier to trust. Yet, I'm genuinely attracted to both and I want to date men, too, but because of porn, the way some men view sex makes me feel yuck.

[@trulytaekook382]

i think your explanation of why females know that porn isn't realistic is SPOT ON. It's hard to really blame a man (honestly...boy, not man. A man should know better) for not knowing that, because for THEM, it will feel good and that's all they know physically, but for women, we KNOW that we're not going to enjoy just being shoved in or whatever without pleasure beforehand. And if boys are growing up watching porn and seeing that, with no knowledge from schools about how sex works for GIRLS, then when they start having sex, they won't know this. Instead of schools just being like 'porn isn't realistic', properly explain that. Girls need more foreplay and touching, they need to be wet first, being tight is never good, etc. GUYS need to know this too. (for straight sex)

[@modernthinggg]

thank you for talking about it, it's really used in a way I believe which is used by many men to cover insecurities

[@lzieyaman3742]

Don't use coconut oil with condoms guys and don't forget to pee after sex and consent doesn't have to be sexy, it's just the base of any kind of interaction with someone or even yourself

[@cloverbuddy3569]

a great example of the normalization of kink and rough sex is that I literally forgot some of the examples (spitting, spanking, choking, etc) were kinks...

[@xfreyawatson]

when I was 11 I thought it would be funny to read the entire 50 shades trilogy, but I was so young that it was my first introduction to adult relationships and it ruined the way I see and experience relationships because in my mind, abusive behavior=love and rough sex is just the way it’s supposed to be and its completely normalized in my mind that there’s something wrong with me if I don’t enjoy it

[@xodollyangelox]

Hmm that's interesting. I saw the movie when I was younger and I assumed it was romantic and that if you saw it you would be considered mature because you read romance and because that's what was romanticized. But later on I saw some posts of people saying it was horrible and problematic so I got curious and did a ton of research. And man! That research really helped me because at a young age I knew what a healthy relationship was whilst girls older or the same age as me assumed it was romantic. But at the same time I don't blame them because it was promoted as romantic and it kind of brainwashed teens ideals on relationships.

[@SybilNix]

Re: too much kinky sex being tiring or exhausting, etc. One reason for this is because aftercare is essential for everybody involved, subspace and domspace are akin to being on substances, and aftercare takes time and energy!! The idea that kinky people only have kinky sex all of the time is mind blowing (not that that’s what you said - but non-kinky ppl or ppl new to the scene can definitely perceive it that way)

[@cryingthrowingup4256]

during the pandemic there was this huge rise (at least in my circle) in talking about kink and bdsm even though i and my friends were literally children?? like we used to take the bdsm test and send our results to each other all the time like “omg noo i’m so vanilla ugh” and bragging about how many greens we had, even tho we barely understood the meaning of most of the terms .. i think we mainly got it from tiktok because there were loads of trends and sounds related to kink, but always in this really barebones way. it felt like no one actually knew what they were talking about and were just pretending like they liked being stepped on or called mummy/daddy

[@cryingthrowingup4256]

i was 13-14 ish i think and honestly i wouldn’t even be able to think about sex for more than a minute without being freaked out

[@michal752]

Exposing a 4 year old to this stuff could be traumatizing, confusing and.. well, normalising this kind of relationship. Its not something a young kid should be exposed to at all and think thats how relationships should work. By the way, great video, as always!

[@YamA-ed2ot]

Instead of normalized, it should be destigmatized right? Perfevtly fine for something to not be normal/mainstream, but don't attack or castigate people for it

[@MrsLucyDiamonds]

I found it strange that you didn't mention Evie Lupine! She's an amazing kink educator here on youtube, she's been guiding me through the process of becoming kinky (not personally, but her channel is SOO informative, so comprehensive of the many kinks and lifestyles within the kinky community) and I think you'd love her content. This vid was amazing, btw, and would love to see more of this here!

[@alchemy3368]

This made me think of all the rape (not rape play just rape) and pedo (teen/teacher-student) fanfiction I read when I was a kid cause popular writers on tumblr and ao3 were writing it about my favourite characters. Like yikes that shit was everywhere and rly fucked me up. Some much of it was just in the main Tags with no tw too like how many kids were gonna search their fav show and stumble across this stuff

[@Im_Laura_Jones]

I’ve been binging your channel and eventually found this video. I really appreciate your take here. Kink-shaming is wrong, but “vanilla-shaming” is also wrong. Sex is a wonderful expression of what it means to be human- that means it will come in many different types and varieties. I refuse to be shamed for enjoying “traditional” sex. I’m human, you’re human- as long as everyone’s of age and consenting, do WHATEVER is the right kind of sex for you. And if you’re aro/ace/both- you’re also perfect JUST the way you are, babes. ❤❤

[@lacexv]

As long as it is safe and consensual it should not matter what someone chooses to do in the bedroom. If you and your partner(s) are safe and happy that is all that matters.

[@ATurtleAteMyTrex]

also something i didn’t mention in my other comment, i always feel like kink/bdsm is kind of similar to drugs in terms of how it’s treated/percieved. it’s like, how i see it, nobody should be ashamed or guilty or vilified or criminalised for safely partaking, but they also shouldn’t be expected to and there shouldn’t be any pressure to partake if you don’t want to. if someone pressures you to or pushes you too far, you should be able to talk about that without fear of being shamed or chastised for partaking in the first place. there should be a general guideline of “as long as you did it safely and consensually, it’s not my place to judge”. BUT there’s also a time and a place! you don’t get high while teaching, you don’t leave pills out where animals and children can get ahold of them, you don’t forcefully expose people to it if they aren’t comfortable with it- same goes for kink. obviously they’re not 1:1 parallels but generally speaking i feel a very similar way towards both, in that neither should be normalised or expected, but they shouldn’t be looked down upon or viewed as immoral- and people should not use them in abusive, unsafe, or forceful ways. people use both drugs and kinks as an excuse to abuse people and it’s sick, and something that needs addressing and safeguarding from, but that doesn’t make the thing itself inherently bad (it just shouldn’t be normalised)

[@hazelragsdell3379]

This is such a better and healthier take on this subject than some regressive feminists I've seen talking about this. I've seen people saying having sex with men AT ALL is antifeminist and I'm simply... exhausted.

[@charlottewalther2764]

Prime example for how damaging the porn industry is and how vanilla sex can help: My boyfriend and I got together about 3 years ago, he was a virgin I had had sex before but only with girls so this whole hetero sex business was very new to me too. And when we started out it was super fun and nice and it felt very good and I felt safe with him and whatnot like I really couldn’t nag about anything. Then I started talking to him about how I wanted to try something different, maybe a little kinky, try being dominated and I told him that I liked it when my partners choked me in the past and we tried that too, which was still fine and nice and fun and everything and he liked it a lot too so everything was good. And then he started apologising when I didn’t get to finish some day because he had watched kink related porn and in porn, all girls pretend to have orgasms all the time and I didn’t. That doesn’t mean I didn’t like it tho because our communication was going rather well so if I had a problem I could’ve just told him. And when I said it was fine and that it’s still good and he shouldn’t worry, that’s when the real problem started because upon seeing everything on social media being about kink, me having reassured him that it’s alright and watching porn, sex quickly turned into something that was just for him and I quickly felt used, unsafe and unvalued in the relationship since it was all about him. These feelings turned into me not communicating anymore until I just randomly started crying one day when he began to touch me because I didn’t feel loved anymore. When I explained to him, that it’s not okay how he behaved towards me he obviously was very sorry and it started to get better, but at some point his confidence in his performance just vanished and he had erectile dysfunction. So then I kept reassuring him again and again that even if I don’t get to finish, if he tunes into me and we can make sure it’s not all about him and that I’m not a useless sack of meat it was okay because it really was. So we went back to vanilla sex. When it then got better again we started to go into kinky business again and one day he choked me so hard I couldn’t breathe at all and said “you don’t deserve to breathe you dirty little sl*t”. Needless to say, I started crying, had a panic attack and he obviously was apologising like a million times, wrapped me in a blanket and brought me tea (he really is great he’s just a little confused) and said “I thought you liked that”. Guess what, he had seen it while looking up fresh kinky stuff to do to bring something new into the bedroom. After that, we only did vanilla stuff for a long time just to secure the (we call it that) bedroom-bond and very slowly stepped into the kinky department until we found a middle ground that we have decided not to leave. Now, everything’s okay, nothing like that has happened in a year, communication works well and we’re perfectly fine. And that’s how vanilla sex saved my relationship with my boyfriend and sex itself.

[@cleown5123]

for a while I thought this conversation about kinks was overdramatic because I didn't think it's likely to be used as an excuse for misogyny or abuse, but now I think that's just because I've only ever had relationships that involved kinky stuff with afabs or nonbinary people instead of men lmao

[@amivivi6420]

Thank you for this video. I don’t like kinky sex at all and sometimes I felt boring

[@carriespromdress6912]

Love the points you made about how kink shouldn't be normalized. And i agree! the definition of kink literally implies that it's not normal and that's fine! I also love your discussion about kinks and misogyny. One thing that I've realized as a queer person is that I prefer to be kinky with women rather than men.

[@soft_goth]

you may be interested in of herbs and altars' video on marilyn manson, he goes into how kink felt mandatory in the 90s goth scene

[@ZornAllein]

Love this video! As a woman in her thirties, who has been sexually active for way over a decade, I can confirm first hand that conversations about sex with potential sexual partners has definitely shifted over the years. A lot of people on dating apps put 'kink' or 'kinky' as an interest or even lifestyle in their profile bios. As if all kink was the same. As if you either practice it exclusively or you're 'vanilla' (always used with derogatory connotations). Personally, I am very open and curious about different sexual practices and experiences. But for me, that's not something I want to explore with a hook up (not into hook ups in general), but with a sexual partner that I trust where there's mutual respect. And that for a lot of people, is apparently a turn off in and of itself. You're either experienced and qualified in 'kink' or you're 'vanilla'.

[@GalacticEgg]

I really do not support normalizing the fetishization of male anger and violence against women. I think this "kink," which is more often a horrific reality, is a symptom of modern fe/male sex dynamics and will vanish in an equal society.

[@ATurtleAteMyTrex]

great video!! totally agree, also love that u recommended kat :’) i just wish more people could respect one another bc at the end of the day it’s all about disrespect i think- disrespecting kinks, disrespecting vanilla sex, disrespecting your partner’s consent, disrespecting other’s consent, disrespecting sex work, etc.

[@carysdeacon]

this was SO well put and i completely agree with everything you said, making rough sex the norm literally does cause trauma - it's taken me years to recover from being in a situation where i felt i couldn't say no to it because it was what the other person wanted and i didn't know any better

[@AnotherQueer]

I always try to communicate my kinks and my boundaries. For example, sometimes I like degradation, but I make it very clear that it can never be about my weight because that’s what so many go for and I have disordered eating (restrictive.) Like, bro, tell me I’m useless, not fat, I want to have fun, I don’t want to be depressed. My point is, just listen to your partner, be open and remember that your boundaries are valid.

[@julia-cv4pr]

sometimes I wonder if these "vanilla" or "kink" blaming people on tiktok don't have no other problems. Just have sex the way you and your partner like it who cares if you prefer "vanilla" or "kinky" sex?!

[@nataliag6885]

I think the scariest part about normalising kink comes down to how many men have used it to invalidate any claim of sexual assault made against them. Again there’s nothing wrong with kinky sex, as long as both parties consent to the act. Kinky sex brings up a much bigger conversation in my opinion which surrounds the idea that just because I’ve said yes to a hook up or whatever, there shouldn’t be a previous conversation about what is allowed and especially what is not allowed in such sexual encounter. Just because one may have said yes to have sex with someone does not immediately allow spanking or choking, and doing so without consent is considered sexual assault.

[@QUEERVEEART]

whats also frustrating is that there seems to be a single idea of what dom/sub is, but thats just not accurate. ive never liked being humiliated or shamed or actually hurt, but i did like some other stuff with consent. but i was like nah thats not for me cause i dont want my partner to be mean to me LOL. but then i discovered the concept of soft dom and its a lot nicer, its more like im trusting this person with my body and its more of an intimacy thing than a sxual thing for me. its just weird to me that even the mainstream idea of kin k is so narrow minded and basically just about bsdm and mean/pain stuff or worse stuff relating to children which why is that even considered okay omg?

[@rilleygriffin]

The whole videos is important but that last time stamp is so important and so misunderstood.

[@lollaz66]

7:41 to add to that idea, I hate how the most popular search terms are 'lesbian' and 'teen' because in real life those people can't or will not consent. I've always wondered to why men are so obsessed with lesbian porn and over porn that involves men, but i think it's mostly because they want what they can't have.