SOBBS presents a Q & A with UNDERTAKING LA

[@Loungemermaid]

I saw Caitlin and clicked immediately.

[@thatgirl81111]

couchmermaid me too ... I'm also a big fan 😊

[@kaylinhudson4393]

Me too

[@ralphfurley404]

Me too,,

[@jessicawarren8560]

I did too lol

[@jaammerrr]

Same

[@murrin-]

I'm a simple woman, i see Caitlin, I click

[@1ApeinSpace]

Not a woman, but I do the same thing. She has taught me so much about leaving this world and not being a burden on my kids.

[@KittyScythe]

The Order of the Straight-cut Bangs lol. Love you girls.

[@alexb8772]

LitaLyzzi now I can't unsee it 😂

[@brandydillman1022]

I love that you chose Caitlin to do this!! 💜

[@feedatribe]

Hi, just a heads up for anyone interested, the Australian law is actually that people can care for their own dead (there is no ‘8 hour rule’ and there is no law about having to embalm, either). It’s also encouraged here to spend as much time with your stillborn baby as one wants, in the hospital and/or home. The cuddle cot is a tool utilised to make this easier.

[@SylviaSienikehaElysiana]

beautiful. love these women and all that they do.

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

+sylvia sienikehä pearlman They are amazing, compassionate, forward-thinking women in a career path that tugs at the heart daily. Sharing their expertise, without judgement, in this honest and open dialogue was and will continue to be a great gift for so many. We, at SOBBS, and the baby loss community as a whole are lucky to have them championing for a more personal, natural way to offer deathcare of a loved and lost one. Thank you again Ladies!

[@VirtualLotus]

At a hospital: ask for the Nursing Supervisor. As a gay male, I am not able to grasp completely the effect of a still birth on a family and expecting mother, however as the son of a Nursing Supervisor for a metro hospital I’d like to share the wonders a NS can do if they are experienced and knowledgeable. Every hospital is required to have a RN as NS. They run the hospital. They go to every code and know everything that is going on there. They see every death and are usually very aware of the circumstances of it. My mom prides herself in being death positive and wants to ensure no family has any last regret. She will, in the most empathetic way, push families to be with their dying and dead relatives and friends, at the bedside. My mom was a NICU nurse prior to becoming a NS at a children’s hospital. The NS is a great resource to take advantage of in a hospital. They are even better as relatives! I was taught to be death positive and confront health issues and mortality. Because of that, I am able to help my friends and family deal with death easier.

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Thank you Alex for sharing and the info. I apologize that we are just seeing this. Your input and perspective is so very appreciated. Wishing we could get more people tp speak openly on this topic. Thank you again!

[@creolepritch9865]

I wish I would have caught this when you held this talk. There is a wonderful group who does an amazing thing which is free to parents of a lost infant. They come in and take pictures of the baby and are beautifully done. They are called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. You can see some of their work on U Tube. They did this for my friend and it was so comforting for them.

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

These ladies are amazing. Thank you for watching.

[@tinagregory5993]

Wow, that's fantastic. I took many pictures of my father in his casket. It is comforting to me now although everyone else thought it was morbid @ the time. Great job ladies!

[@mariathalassinou265]

When my cousin passed away few years ago, I was scared of death and the whole idea of decomposition. I was coming to his grave often and lost it for some reason when grass started growing, because to me it seemed that it was a sign that he was decomposing and lost it, but after you were saying how it’s natural and how the body goes back to earth, it made me feel better. I wish I knew you when my cousin first passed, my griefing would of been better for me.

[@cassandrayonder7260]

"all of this misinformation which then turns into silence" ... indeed

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Such a great quote...Thank you for watching.

[@annewandering]

When my baby died at 29 months they made me wait two weeks because they said the body would naturally start labor to expel the body. Two weeks later I had mild contractions so they decided to push the contractions up to get labor going. That was ok. Then they sent my husband home an hour before the baby was delivered lying to him that it would not be til late morning so he could get some sleep. He did not want to go but he was convinced to go. Then they did the delivery and quckly wrapped the body and RAN from the room to keep me from seeing him. They told me that I did not want to see him. Wrong but they would not let me. What I did see, barely since I am very near sighted, was his white arm dangling and bouncing from the towels as they ran him out of the room. I was left wondering what his body did look like. The autopsy said 'macerated' which I gather from what you people are saying was probably skin slippage. I have all sorts of weird pictures in my mind that would have been better if I had actually seen him. I am not happy with what happened and hope that this does not happen any more to any other woman and her husband. It was a lot easier to accept when our first son died after two days. We saw him and held him when he died. We have nothing but bad imaginings for our still born son.

[@actusspei6688]

anne Pelton , I am so very sorry for your losses. As well, the heart wrenching way in which the healthcare facility handled your loss and grief. I don't really feel it's my place to relate other persons similar and, unfortunate experiences, as I , personally, have not ( due to illness, I'm a 45 year old women) ever been in that situation. I just wanted to let you know , that other people do empathize with you. I personally am religious. I do understand and greatly respect each persons decision . I apologize for this being awkward but I have lost many people I love as well, it's a rough road , but we all traverse it at some point. I only wanted to ( as odd as it may be from a stranger) that I hope you are coping and, able to move past the grief. I don't expect you should answer.Please just know that others are wishing you and your family well.

[@missmoxie9188]

I am so sorry for your loss

[@missmoxie9188]

If they had one iota of decency they would have told you what he looked like ahead of time and then allowed you to see him. More awareness and understanding of stillbirth needs to be spread

[@destinyequality7243]

anne Pelton I think you meant 29 weeks because a normal pregnancy is between 36-42 weeks 29 weeks is considered premature but viable if they is no fetal demise. But either way had the baby been alive they could likely of stopped premature labor. I am sorry you had such a bad experience and hope you were able to have a rainbow baby

[@peterbeadman9010]

Im so sorry for your family's loss. I thank you for being brave enough to post. Many people / parents will benefit. Again my thoughts and prayers are with you tonight.xxx

[@sadem1045]

All three have straight-across bangs I love it!

[@suzannemcneal7320]

I'm a hospice nurse in a very rural areas. We don't often get babies or young children in our care. The bigger cities do though I'm certain parents would be receptive to this. Thank you for all the knowledge and new tools for my death care toolbox!

[@nicolepsy]

A good friend lost her baby, Madison at full term and was only able to spend a few hours with her. It messed her up for years. When she heard about the Cuddle Cot she knew that it would've helped her immensely. They were only overseas at the time and expensive. When she brought up the idea to the hospital, the response was pretty much "if you want to donate it, great. We aren't paying for one." So she did just that! Knowing that it would make a world of difference for some families and regardless of being broke as a joke, she raised all the funds and donated it to the hospital where Madison was born, in Loma Linda, California. So proud of her! ❤️

[@lisaevans8336]

I am glad that Caitlin answered these scary questions that sometimes get locked in our minds. Being able to ask the question and get an answer is truly healing.

[@sroman127]

I lost my 2 year old daughter to Cancer. They kind of insisted that I see her and hold her which took me a few hours to be able to do. A lot of family came to the hospital yet no one thought to drive my husband and I home. We got in the car and started driving on the highway to go home but decided we would keep driving with thoughts of taking our own lives. I am not sure what changed our minds and we ended up going home. When we got home there where tons of people there as my brother was a police officer and the cops wives were all there with food and taking care of things. I do not remember much of those days of the wake and funeral. I wanted to have her cremated and everyone was apparently horrified by this and had my minister talk to me. I ended up changing my mind I believe from being pressured at the time. It is horrible to just go home and what, you don't know what to do or how to function. There is not a lot of support at the hospital for the parent's after a child passes. Until I had my next child I just kept saying what am I, am I a mother or am I not a mother anymore.

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Susan M Roman sending you so much love.

[@unclenelvis]

You’ll always be her mother. All she is is dead. By that I mean she’s still real even tho she has died. Hopefully having another child has helped you to see a future for you and your family. Xx

[@madelinedavis4834]

As a mother of 3 my heart breaks for these mothers. I cant imagine the pain you must feel. You are a mother and always will be. Dont allow anyone to discredit you.

[@beccalouise8755]

As a UK carer who has worked in nursing homes, on Easter Sunday of this year we had 2 people die on the same floor within half an hour of each other in their beds - one expected, one not, with a DNAR (Do not attempt resuscitation) in place for them both. They passed away between 12 and 1pm, both surrounded by loving families. The doctor did not come to confirm death until after 8pm.....7 hours later. The families got to spend time with their loved ones and requested the carers on shift washed the bodies and dressed them in their best clothes. Quite often in residential homes you are left waiting for coroners to collect the body and for the doctor to come and confirm death, even though they have been gone for a long time.

[@AnnaAnna-uc2ff]

Thank you.

[@rebeccabacon234]

I lost a baby at 12 weeks and was given methotextrate to essentially induce the miscarriage that my body had failed to do. I asked the doctor what to. I was told to sit over the toilet and not to look and just flush. I couldn't believe the callousness of this military doctor. I asked for pain medicine to help me through this horrible time and was told that "a little tylenol" should suffice. I suffered and cried for days from the pain and emotional agony as my child left my body and was flushed away. Yes, I looked.

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Oh mama...What a terrible experience. I would like to hug you and apologize for the insensitiveness of it all. There is so much we still need to do in this area.

[@madelinedavis4834]

I wonder why they gave you that. That is a cancer drug. It shuts off the immune system. My son (3yr) is taking it due to extreme psrosias but to use it to induce labor is crazy. The side effects are horrible.

[@rinnylin]

That’s what happened when I miscarried. Flushed it away. But my military doctor was very kind. I’m so sorry this happened.

[@jgr_lilli_]

@@madelinedavis4834 Yes, I got it for bone cancer.

[@janijames9394]

12 volt camping coolers are cheap you can contvert to dc. U can use cold packs to lower temp also

[@jenniferblankenship4915]

Warrior women of the bang society.

[@dawnklug6986]

I had a "In utero death" at 6 months pregnant in1977 and underwent induced labor/delivery. I did ask to be allowed to see the baby, but was told no as it was into an advanced state of decomposition. The amnio showed the fluid to be the color of burnt motor oil. Though I have no problem with what happened, I found that the Dr's to be rude in not allowing me to actually see the body. Nowadays they probably would have done as I asked.

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

dawn klug I'm so sorry this was your experience. I think the medical staff sometimes think they are protecting us or that they know better. Sadly we know our imagination is often far worse and we see our children through the eyes of a parent, not the way medical staff does.

[@missmoxie9188]

I’m so sorry for your loss Unfortunately I think that’s a part of the culture not only of death but of stillbirth. It’s changing but not fast enough

[@estefanybaltazar8369]

I saw Amber and clicked immediately!!!!!

[@emilychristman9903]

Thank you so much for facilitating these discussions and making a safe place for people to educate and empower themselves. Watching this I got to wondering - what resources are there for people who want death masks or handprints- other such keepsakes? I've heard stories of people stuck carrying their children to pottery studios open to scorn and shock at requests for simple keepsakes and as a lifecaster I've begun wondering whether this was an area in which there are any foundations for house calls?

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Hi Emily - This is a great question. I know Amber and Caitlyn from Undertaking LA had mentioned they would absolutely answer any questions that came in after the hangout. Just email [e-mail] and thank you so much for your feedback. We appreciate you.

[@existentialmeatsuit6543]

It is heartless how doctors deny a mother at least the choice to see the baby she lost. I had a miscarriage and wanted to see... I don't even know what exactly I would have seen, but to me it would have helped me psychologically. I hated the idea of throwing his or her remains away.

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Tiara Phillips you are not alone...so many mothers are heart broken at the thought of "flushing" but they don't really know what else to do. They are sent home by staff with no direction or education in regards to the intense grief or emotions. It's so unfair to moms. Hugs to you.

[@kjs0391]

My experience was similar but the drs let my extended family. By the time I was out of danger, I hemorraghed badly, everything was gone.

[@thexandypants]

I had to dig the remains out of the toilet with a spoon and send them in for testing. Wasn't able to get the remains back for burial. :/

[@aliciahaley113]

Caitlyn rocks! Not being able to bear children due to ovarian and endometrial cancer, I will never be able to have empathy with the women represented here. I offer my condolences.

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Alicia Haley Caitlyn and Amber are awesome. Sending you love and hugs and thank you for your empathy. ❤️

[@tempusfugit7127]

Alicia , Empathy has nothing to do with being male , female , black , white , sexuality or political bias . Empathy means being a decent human being who can weep for anyone or anything in this cruel World .

[@tinagregory5993]

I know this is great information for everyone, but it's so sad @ the same time. I'm very sorry for anyone & everyone's loss. We recently buried my father after a brief illness & it was very difficult. Dad's funeral service & dinner were really great & I think he would've been very proud of. The only thing about taking the baby home for a home based burial or service is that people loved the baby, they love the parents, they love you & would like to be there because it broke their hearts, too. So, while its natural to want to keep the bby to yourself, remember...people really want to be there for you, your experience & your baby. Although it sounds crazy, it will be something you will reflect upon later & the comfort others brought to you will also be comforting later on if that makes sense.

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Tina Gregory such great advice. ❤️ thank you for sharing.

[@christinehope6317]

THANK YOU!!!!!!!! When my daughter lost my grandbaby . His heart beat one time after he was born . My daughter asked for the death certificate and was shamed by the nurse for asking

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Christine Grooms I am so sorry to hear this...things are changing but changing very slowly. Staff really need sensitivity training and as parents we need to demand it. We still have much to do.

[@thatgirl81111]

I have watched this as I am a follower and fan of Caitlin and her work. This (the cuddle cot) is available in the UK but I am very shocked by the negative response to the videos of it and the the families that have used it. Saying how they shouldn't be allowed to take them home & its "wrong" to have them at home for x amount of time! Not sure why people are so judgmental really. Everyone should and can be given a choice.... be it in life or death ❤️

[@gelm9992]

*oh man, she had never been to a funeral since her child died. i wonder how old she was. gosh, i feel for her.. i cant even begin to imagine carrying something inside of you for almost a year and then you go through the sheer joy of holding something that you couldnt imagine loving so much in your arms, only to have to let go less than 3 months later. i dont want to sound inconsiderate at all, this is totally irrelevant to her having sadly and tragically lost her son, but i had been to 12 funerals by the time i was 25 and lost 17 friends and loved ones. im 28 now and havent lost anyone close to me since then, thankfully. but this is why i dont want kids.. i am too afraid to love someone THAT much. like, i would just be completely overwrought ALL the time, constantly worrying that i would lose my child. it makes me sad that i may never know what it is like to be a mother, but i also know that since i am around the clock worried about anything happening to my parents, and that i love them to depths and lengths that outreach any amount, and i would definitely not want to live without them, which i know is really unhealthy and codependent..but thats why im watching all these videos and trying to identify with Caitlin and her beautiful Death Positive movement, so that, hoping my parents live until theyre 90+, which is still only a short 30 years away.. god, i dont think thats going to be enough time for me to even be comfortable with the idea. THEN AGAIN, i thought i was going to be depressed forever after losing my best friend at 18 in a really crazy, freak accident, and here i am almost 9 years later, and although i still cry all the damn time bc i miss him soooo much, i am still here, still living. and people tell me that i THINK i wont be able to live without my parents, but everyone does and ill be okay just like everyone else who has lost their parents, so im hoping thats true. i just know i am trying soooo hard to prepare myself for those dreadful, calamitous days.. considering either parent wont die of sadness from losing each other- my parents are madly in love, and i know for sure my dad would go into cardiac arrest immediately if my mother were to die- god i hope that doesnt happen. idk whats worse, losing one or both at once. ugh, i need to shut up now before my brain goes THERE. but to Anne and Sarah both.. i am soooooooooooo very saddened that you both had to go through that unfortunate, awful loss. i wish that never happened for either of you. i know life is unfair, but it doesnt make it any less depressing to hear of stories like yours'. i truly am sorry for what you guys lost.. no one should have to go through that ever and my heart goes out to you and the fathers and your poor young ones who didnt get a chance to experience this beautiful phenomena of life. wish i could reach through the screen and give you each a long, tight, hug. youre all such wonderful souls, thank you for doing this Q & A. This was so thoughtful and compassionate, which is rare esp. nowadays. and although the topic is tragic, i genuinely appreciate the information and time you ladies have all given to families in the world whove suffered the same grief, and for opening more eyes to the realities of infant death and the funeral/death industry in general. what wonderful spirits and passion you all have! BRAVO!*

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Gel M thank you for sharing and commenting. The death of my child almost broke me. But on the flip side he has made me know a love that strong and I would rather have had what I did than never had him at all.

[@Beafree]

It sucks but I feel like we need like a doula to be there when a loved one dies who can mediate for the family when the hospital staff doesn't know the laws. This person can be there to inform the staff on the actual laws and inform the staff. So sad. My uncle past away last year. My gma was there when they pulled the plug. She cried and held her son after he died. The nurses acted like he was a ticking time bomb so she must leave ASAP.

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Snake Trix this is such a great idea and something we are advocating for 💜

[@missmoxie9188]

What jerks. I’ve pulled the plug on patients before and I NEVER rush the family out If it were a matter of a bed shortage we move the patient out of ICU BEFORE extubating them

[@yudithdm9302]

That is a great idea.

[@tinagregory5993]

The hospice nurse came over as soon as my father passed away. She, Kiki, was instrumental in preparing his body with my mother. She encouraged mom to do anything she felt comfortable doing. The funeral service came & picked him up & were also instrumental dealing with mom's closure. While mom knew the funeral service was going to prepare him they encouraged her as much as possible. It was sad...she got to help prepare her husband & life partner of 59 years.

[@meganmitchell9177]

I'd like to know what I as a death positive person can do to try to make the cuddle cot more widely available in california. What can I do to try to bring this tool into hospitals for families to use, where can I go to raise money, donate, or just spread knowledge?

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Hi Megan- Thank you for watching. Please visit our sister page on Facebook. We have a whole information package we can email to you. facebook.com/USCuddleCotCampaignInitiative/

[@Laurennn]

Caitlin... uh... *DOUGHTRY*

[@inkadinkadoodle]

am i correct in saying that mothers, fathers, & families of stillborn babies are a hugely under-served group? i'm sure there are support groups, but are there counselors & therapists who "specialize" in stillborn situations? is a counselor automatically dispatched when it occurs, like grief counselors often are? in fact, are grief counselors part of the scene? i don't mean to sound unfeeling...i just don't know how else to say what i mean to say without not saying it at all! i offer my sincere apologies to anyone i've upset....

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

inkadinkadoodle we appreciate your questions. In all honesty questions like yours spreads awareness. When a baby dies some hospitals offer a Chaplin, a bereavement coordinator or something similar. Some hospitals even have nurses who have gone through bereavement training. Sadly, none of these really fill the need. There are lot of boxes checked (i.e. Did you give the parents a list of funeral homes? Did you offer to call clergy? Did you...) and a handful of pamphlets thrust into the hands of a grieving mom when really what she needs is a one on one peer to relate to her. In my experience I was told this is a really sad thing but go home and don't think about it and have other children. As a mother that feels so minimizing and hurtful because we did have a child and that child matters too.

[@missmoxie9188]

inkadinkadoodle oh lord no, you’re not wrong at all Counselors and therapists for parents who’ve lost a baby are very few and very far between

[@DibIrken]

Why aren't there more subscribers? I think this is a good channel.

[@chlorineii]

3/4 have bangs.

[@abouchard]

Hi! I am just curious, do you know if it's approximatively the same 'laws' and/or misunderstandings in Canada? I just want to be informed, so if one day it happens to someone near me (or myself) I could help.

[@LoveAuntieJan]

I worked in pathology for a long time, taking care of “POC’s” (Products of Conception), stillborns, uterine malformed fetuses, etc., and it was the most honored position I ever had! How amazing that I was the LAST person able to bless/say a “prayer/wish these tiny soul a safe journey”! I still think a teeny, tiny, fully formed complete little foot/hand (of the POC’s) should be allowed to be put in a colorful resin reminder (nothing tacky like jewelry 🚫, but a keepsake, nonetheless...especially if conception is an issue!)! Just my opinion, that these families could have something perfect l to remember their child! As I said, I was blessed and honored to have had this position, I don’t share it with many as they would not understand it! I love, love, love the idea of the family being able to keep the baby for an extended period of time...how that would help the healing process!! Caitlin I will follow you to the ends of the Earth...but, not in a creepy, stalker way, I promise! I love what you’re doing for THE GOOD DEATH MOVEMENT, and I applaud your dedication and efforts! PLEASE, keep spreading the word, and we Deathlings shall do the same! God Bless you! (Or, what if any, deity you believe in! 😇)

[@marshaellis5160]

Can you talk more about augua cemation . Marsha

[@johnh2198]

C.D. I too seen you and clicked immediately. also in the 1800's they would put ice inside coffins isticated

[@445harrmony]

Newborn babies also peel after birth

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

445harrmony yes they do - kind of like an old sunburn peeling or a little dry skin. What we are discussing is something that is almost like a full thickness peeling.

[@kaylinhudson4393]

Yes they sure do.

[@kwcnasa]

Resume @04:20

[@tloo5649]

I had 2 miscarriages around 10-11 weeks which is More than enough time to completely fall in love. There was so much positivity and support when they thought the babies were alive, but once it was discovered that their hearts were not beating, it turned into an emotional void of scheduling of medical procedures. No comfort, no eye contact, no support. I was crying and felt bad for making others uncomfortable. There’s no conversation out in the world about miscarriage,so I was blindsided both times. No one talks about it until it happens to you, then doctors and nurses tell you things like well, it’s typically 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Why did no one warn me??? Plus, all you are left with is that lost dream, idea, and a broken heart. There is no good bye, burial, ceremony, calling hours, funeral. Everyone around you just expects you to move on with life. Everyone tells you that you can try again. A few people ask you what you did wrong and yes that’s a true story.

[@ClydeDay]

This is the link for the Nation home funeral alliance. homefuneralalliance.org/ here you will find all the laws by your state of how they handel the "At home" funerals, and such. homefuneralalliance.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Quick-Guide-to-Home-Funerals-By-State.pdf

[@rhondalathbury9061]

I was told I couldn't use anything from home that could be opened like a coffee can. They told me repeatedly that it was a Maryland state law. I ended up getting a very expensive urn

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Thank you for sharing.

[@mosthated7520]

This video is so BANG-in😭 (do you get it)

[@salicia4800]

The thing is, we as physicians are not simultaneously anatomic embryologists and may simply not know the rate of decomposition of a fetus, or indeed when it became non-viable. Our main task is to preserve the life of the mother in this instance. Decomposition begins from the moment of death in all of us, and periodic, asymptomatic bacteremia is also present in all of us, including the mother. Transmission of these random bacteria to a non viable fetus can occur in this manner. This may result in a developing septicaemia in the mother with little evidence until she is quite unwell.

[@VS-re1sr]

Are you saying it is best practice to remove the dead tissue (miscarage or stillbirth) as soon as possible? How is this balanced with the pregnant person's right to refuse treatment? Does the family receive counseling about their rights and options to aid in grieving pregnancy loss?

[@salicia4800]

@@VS-re1sr Sorry it's been a long time since I made this comment. I believe it was a discussion about removing a dead fetus/placenta from inside the mother's body when it's evident there is no life present. Of course patients can always refuse treatment but they would need to understand it may make that mother extremely ill. Provided they are accepting of the risk then nothing further should be done. I'm not quite sure why removing a non viable fetus from the uterus of the mother should interfere with the grieving process which may go on for many months.

[@VS-re1sr]

@@salicia4800 Fair enough: it has been a year since you made your initial statement. My concern with the access to resources (support groups, grief counseling, information on options for seeing/disposing of the remains, etc.) applies to anyone experiencing pregnancy loss, not specifically to people experiencing medical intervention afterwards. It helps to know the recently pregnant person still gets to make informed decisions, rather than wondering what was done without their consent. Wondering if a person was coerced into an abortion of a healthy pregnancy has to add an extra level of trauma, though I would like to think this practice is purely in the past.

[@melaniestory5551]

My first pregnancy was miscarried at 16wks. It was a little boy but he was severely undeveloped. He had chromosome abnormalities they left him in the hospital room with me for a couple hours after he was delivered but I donated him to medical research instead of doing any sort of funeral. His name was Jason and he would have been 21yrs this month if he had lived. I have Rh sensitivity and miscarried early on 2 more times before i got my rainbow baby but those miscarriages were not as traumatic as actually getting to hold my underdeveloped first child.

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Thank you for sharing a bit of your story. 21 years In memory of Jason. #shatterthesilence

[@simonebeaudelaire5059]

I don't know if anyone's around reading these comments, but I wanted to share anyway, for me. I miscarried my second pregnancy very early. Only 11 weeks. I declined medical intervention and let the miscarriage happen naturally at home. Afterwards, I spent time with... I don't know what to call it. There was no obvious baby-like structure. I guess it went very wrong and that's why I miscarried? But the chance to hold and touch and understand was so, so important to me. Now, the memory of that, of holding my lost pregnancy in my hands and realizing that it could never have been made it so much easier for me to let it go. I am not comparing this to a stillbirth in any way, but I can totally understand why time spent with a non-living person is healing.

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Simone Beaudelaire thank you so much for sharing a bit of your story. Every gestational heartbeat matters no matter days, weeks or months. Time with your baby that has passed helps your heart assimilate what your head already knows. Those moments are the very thing that can help heal your heart and Your words illustrate this very point. In addition, I am reminded how underserved mothers of early losses are and appreciate you more than you could ever know. Hugs

[@margaretjones5572]

Please...if you ever do have the loss of an infant...make sure you see the baby, hold the baby and say a proper, private 'Good Bye'. It is a regret I have that I was so proccupied with getting home from the hospital and tending the rest of my family that I did not bond with him! The labour was hard, my own mother was present, the nurse was not about to leave me alone with him, my husband had just left the family for treatment because he was not well, I was in shock...and my other responsibilities made me feel I had to get on with life and not tarry. Lots of reasons...but regret is the price. Hug them. Hold them. Say 'Good Bye, little lambie!' FarmerMJ

[@dianequelch9301]

I lost my baby at7and a half weeks never had a funnel for it nothing at all

[@peterbeadman9010]

DIANE QUELCH my darling im so sorry for your loss.

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

I’m so sorry Diane - heartbreaking. This is why we are advocating for change. Also, we are NOT saying everyone has to have a funeral/event. Some feel it only makes things worse. What we are advocating is that families are given a choice.

[@tempusfugit7127]

Anyone else watching this in 2019 ? One of the biggest regrets of my long life is when I had my own two babies and at 5am one morning my G.P. banged on my door because I was awake breastfeeding my youngest and he asked me to help the couple a few doors away as their baby had died aged 5 weeks old . My husband watched our children whilst I went over , I was very young myself and asked if I could do anything for them. ...I looked after their 2yr old but all they were desperate for was a pack of cigarettes . To my everlasting shame. ....although. .thank God I didn't say it out loud. ..I thought they were heartless . Forty years later I was so ashamed of my feelings , I am addicted to cigarettes , I wish I could just say sorry for being so intolerant . My comment seems off the wall but may ring bells with others .

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Tempus Fugit thank you for sharing. It’s the little things like this that helps heal the hearts of those who feel misunderstood, unheard or alone. Just the fact that you would revisit this memory and talk about gives hope to many. Hugs.

[@tirzah-marielewis3447]

Was a database of rights ever created?

[@cecelial.harris9016]

What color is the ashes really suppose to be

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

This is such a great question.

[@dancinginthepsychward6381]

If a baby is lost before solid bones are able to form, can that child he cremated? (Early term loss)

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

That is a great question. Let me see if I can get an answer for you.

[@TheBlackRoseArtist]

@@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959 That would be nice to know. Was an answer ever gotten? I was told cremation wouldn't be an option and it's now clear that for my first, at 4.5months it would have been. That hurts. My second in the 1st trimester I could see having no ashes left, but it would definitely be nice to hear from someone who actually knows.

[@clb7438]

Wow! Lacking information is one thing but lacking common sense is QUITE another.

[@MegaVthompson]

The human body usually rids a foreign body when it is discovered. And a dead fetus in utero is just that. Even though it is in the amniotic sack, it will need to be eliminated either by an induced pregnancy or cesarean section by the sixth week after death. There are however, delicate factors that need to be weighed and considered, like the general health of the woman and the chances of developing complications like severe Hemorrhage, Eclampsia And Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation, if and only if aggressive measures are to be taken. 🙏🏽

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Thank you for the response. With all due respect please keep in mind the audience to which you are speaking. In the list of “delicate factors” you forgot to include the psychological effects and trauma of having YOUR baby die inside of you. I understand your clinical approach and terminology but referencing someone’s much loved and wanted child as a foreign body (even if it is the proper medical term) is a bit calloused. Would you similarly refer the death of a parent, spouse or sibling as “biological remains” at their funeral? I am assuming you are in the medical profession and have never experienced pregnancy loss yourself. Just because you are the professional does not make you the expert. Medical terminology can be so damaging and better etiquette should be established for all health care staff for the mental health and well-being of all parents.

[@MegaVthompson]

Maybe the mother in question should come to terms with what it is, and the medical terminology for in the future. One cannot hide in a cloud of whimsical ideologies! It is what it is, and the faster one realizes the scientific truth of why the fetus passed, the better. Doing so makes the mother and the family battery equipped to live a psychologically sound life for future pregnancies! No MD will sugarcoat the truth!

[@LoveoftheDarkFiberArts]

Unrecognizable...so I can't ask the cremator to not grind the bones? I want the bones!~

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Zira Michelle LoveoftheDark this is a great question. Let me see if I can get an answer.

[@anaverageamount8693]

Zira Michelle LoveoftheDark no bones usually have to be unrecognizable

[@peterbeadman9010]

Callie Sunshine why is that?

[@peterbeadman9010]

SOBBS Stories of Babies Born Still pleasedid you get an answer

[@boanddevan4316]

This is a year later so I'm not quite sure you will see this. However, by law crematories are required to give ashes that are not recognized to be human remains (aka: bones). I'm not sure why this is a law. Hopefully that answers your question.

[@tirebiter1680]

Is a Death good if the person who dies is someone you wish was dead? Think about it Kate, What would the BEST death be?

[@aspears5786]

The woman shouldn't have been insulted when the Dr offered mental health services bc mental health is another stigmatized part of life people are not talking openly enough about. In fact, if the Dr did not offer her help in locating those services, he would not be looking out for her wellbeing.

[@melissam7379]

So on the one hand people complain and vilify the medical community for being heartless and not caring about the mother after infant loss, yet they feel insulted when the help is offered? Wtf do you want exactly?????

[@JennCampbell]

It seems that a pregnate woman now must plan ahead for the death of her baby as well as the birth.

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Jennifer Campbell with 24,000 stillbirth every year in the US alone the possibility should at least be touched on. Maybe mom’s would not feel so blindsided.

[@darlingdivine]

As a childbirth educator I always touch on this with my families. There's a worksheet and info sheet on the options and resources available and what a parent's feelings and wishes would be in a worst case scenario in my packet that I work through with every parent. Because I spend so much time with expectant parents talking about the happy outcomes it's easier I think to also have that conversation without being misperceived as that specter of death. I present it as a way to let go of fears about losing the baby because families can know they are prepared and empowered if it were to occur so they can then in a way set that aside and focus on the positive outcome they want.

[@KetchupPumper]

Good christ

[@sobbsstoriesofbabiesbornst5959]

Matt Donati is there something you would like clarified or something you don’t understand? I would be happy to answer any questions you might have.

[@justsayin5609]

Another video who can't trouble themselves too get Caitlin's name right (1:33). Big fat dislike from one of her fans.

[@michaelandlorijohuffstetle7461]

Amber needs to get a "professional" bang cut. As a professional in the field...I was very detoured by her "self cut" bangs. If you are a professional please do not "DYI" your hair! It diminishes you as a "professional".