Soft submission | habits that will change your marriage

[@katherineherbison8494]

Not taking things personally is the hardest one for me! Thank you for the encouragement!

[@Fruitofthefemme]

I know it can be so tough, I’ve just realised over time that things are much better and move on quicker if I don’t assume it’s personal

[@Snowskyy]

Thanks for making this i got proposed a day after Thanksgiving and this has made me seriously think about my attitudes and role as a partner I hope this will make our relationship and marriage stronger

[@Fruitofthefemme]

@@Snowskyy well congratulations!! Lovely news xx

[@GemTakesPhotos]

I am really loving all of your videos, they are so enjoyable and encouraging

[@Fruitofthefemme]

@@GemTakesPhotos wonderful news and welcome to the faith! It’s a process but being on that path with your husband is incredibly special

[@DanceAddikt]

Love your content! I'm also Catholic and have been married for almost 5 years now, with two young daughters. I am a stay-at-home mum and cook all our food from scratch. I didn't realise until watching this video, but I've become a serious whinger! I'm really struggling with how selfless you need to be as a mother and I often complain to my husband about how hard things are and how infrequently I get to have time to myself or do my hobbies. I never thought about how it would probably stress him out to hear it all the time when he is already doing all he can to help. Keep up the great videos :)

[@Fruitofthefemme]

@@DanceAddikt wow thank you for the beautiful comment. And well done for being such a dedicated mum and wife. It’s so hard not to whine and I’ve shared as openly as I can about this because I’ve been there! Just recognising it isn’t a good habit is so powerful and if you can gradually move to a place where you can remind yourself how lucky you are, a bad moment can turn into a funny one much more easily. Sending you love and prayers

[@helencarlingart]

Just wondering what your thoughts are about a man having to remain celibate until marriage. Some don’t find a suitable partner, so the man must deny his basic carnal needs for his faith, which is cruel and goes against nature. Many children become victims of abuse due to this rule. Also, unmarried women were forced to adopt their babies not long ago or have backstreet abortions because of abortion being illegal. The hierarchy of the church treats those at the top like royalty. There is so much wealth and political power. I agree with some principles, but do you think the church needs to become more relevant to today’s social climate, because people now question things and don’t blindly obey due to control and fear tactics? Also, is this a religion created by men to benefit men, where the women are treated like slaves and conditioned to be grateful and happy about it? What about divorcees who didn’t want a divorce and had no choice? The Catholic Church doesn’t like them. Do you think this religion excludes people and promotes hatred? Ps I’m not on the attack, just wondering how you are a loyal follower/believer with all these rules and rituals. I have some gay friends and it used to be illegal to be gay and people were put in prison. Where is the love? I don’t see much of it with this faith, only for those who fit in the right box and donate generously.

[@GemTakesPhotos]

@@helencarlingart Wow you have a lot of preconceived notions here. I know a lot of Christian men at my church who wish they could go back in time to remain celibate until marriage! That it would have saved them and their wife such heartache for the previous relationships, hang ups and hurt that then bleed into the marriage. I certainly wish I hadn't slept around before I met my husband, it still negatively impacts our relationship after 12 years together, 8 years married. Husbands who are decent men, who have wives that are godly and submissive are happier and gentle. It's a natural consequence of women being supportive and dependable and soft, that a man (who loves his wife very much) then comes into his role of being more strong, masculine and assertive. I know domestic abuse is a wicked thing but honestly that is a minority. I think the Bible should be taken the exact way today as it always has been through time because when you read the Bible and you see Sodom and Gomorrah you understand that is still extremely applicable in todays society. If everyone read the Bible and followed Jesus, lived out His word I think society as a whole would be full of so much love and security. Genuinely happy marriages with happy families generation after generation. God hates divorce but He doesn't hate Divorcees. He wants people to get married, be good to one another and prosper. Of course people can be cruel and wicked, there are even terms in the Bible that support divorce in certain circumstances. Christians are some of the most welcoming and loving and caring people I have ever come across, and I was involved in Shamanism, Paganism and Atheism. They donate generously with their money and time, they care for people deeply no matter their back ground, past and challenges. Gays included. We want as many people to come to Jesus as possible so that they can have eternal life. So they can witness true Unconditional Love from our Father. If it sounds odd to you, I implore you to see if you can chat to someone in person about their faith, how much it's changed their life etc. I was a sceptic before but I am no longer, I see what God has done for many peoples lives. Set addicts free, brought broken people together, healed illnesses, pulled people back from the edge of suicide etc. I truly think you (and the majority of society) have understood this faith completely backwards. This world is self serving, greedy, consumeristic, desolate and grim place. Faith is the light in all of that, Jesus is the light! God Bless you

[@GemTakesPhotos]

Hi lovely, I am a homemaker too and have been mostly (apart from a few little jobs when I was scared I wasn't doing enough) for just over 7 years. We have a 7 year old boy who is in school so my job is to look after him and the house and my husband. But I am so saddened to say I complain a lot too, I think it is more of a woman's nature than a mans. I look at all the work my husband does for us without complaining and wonder sometimes why I have so much negativity to point out. Awful isn't it? I know my husband has told me it hurts his heart because then he feels inadequate and all his work is a waste if I have so much to complain about. I would never want him to feel that way but learning to not complain is so hard. Let me know if you figure out any tips for this one please haha

[@helencarlingart]

@ thank you for this point of view.

[@JuneCleaver56]

You are a gem, Elizabeth. The wisdom and love contained in your words is exactly what this world needs. I'm 47 years married and endorse your words heartily. I'm have by no means perfected my behaviour in this regard, but when I follow similar habits as you describe here, my marriage is soooooo much better. Thank you for this good remider! Love from Tennessee USA 💗🙏

[@Fruitofthefemme]

@@JuneCleaver56 thank you june- sending you much love too! No one is perfect, and I’m not claiming to have it all figured out. I fail all of the time and I want to always try to be open with you all about that

[@Fruitofthefemme]

@@JuneCleaver56 47 years- I pray I’ll be so luckyB

[@miriam8026]

Very good video! Very good points regarding intimacy. These feminine ''submissive'' habits are just basic manners and kindness, which have become ''toxic'' under the toxication of all things decent.

[@Fruitofthefemme]

@@miriam8026 thank you! Yes it is true- so much of this just used to be a normal decent way to treat your husband, and now it’s framed as some oppressive extreme

[@JuneCleaver56]

PS. Congratulations Elizabeth on having over 1000 subscribers already.🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@d.c757]

100000000% ❤

[@CharlotteUnser]

an informative video and very nice...but it takes two to make it work....I do all the painting and repairs, the gardening, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry and following my husband's messes and cleaning up. I get very little verbal appreciation and discussion between us is practically non existent. There is no return of emotion and this is a lonely place to be. I retreat to my private life of books and U-tubes. The honeymoon is long gone and over.

[@Fruitofthefemme]

@@CharlotteUnser hi Charlotte- thank you for your comment. I am very sorry you are feeling so lonely at the moment. I know lots of more experienced women than I have commented on some of my videos and offered good advice. I haven’t been married that long, but I have been in those stages too when things seem hopeless and I feel unappreciated. But I found that my need for appreciation/ praise was really just my ego and the more I focused on appreciating what my husband did do, or on what I could do for my children, the more praise I received naturally. I hope you might consider discussing how you are feeling with your husband too- perhaps he has feelings he would like to share as well.

[@marieball1772]

So sorry for your situation. 🛐🛐

[@simonadobre7100]

Just works and is healthy if husbands submit to Jesus..

[@Fruitofthefemme]

@@simonadobre7100 I agree- men are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church. But I don’t believe women only have to do their best when their husbands are.

[@yadymoncayo294]

Good morning ❤

[@simonadobre7100]

If is not submission more that 10 years..then for sure is a rule fir that family wife to submit and husband do however he wants

[@peterkrupa5250]

❤❤❤

[@lovinglife58]

I have a question. My fiance got kind of bothered the other day when a couple of times we were at his family's house for Thanksgiving and I asked him to do simple things for me like please can you put my cup on the table for me or can you put my cell phone over there for me. I'm confused are we not supposed to ask them to do even simple things for us? Or are we supposed to do them ourselves if I ask him to lift something heavy for me then of course he'll do that but it seems like asking him to do little things he gets upset about

[@Fruitofthefemme]

@@lovinglife58 I think the best thing is calmly discuss this with your fiancé. Before you are married is such a good time to discuss your expectations of each other and learn a bit more about what behaviours/ ways of showing love are important to you both.

[@Fruitofthefemme]

@@lovinglife58 just to give you an idea- I think men can be quite sensitive to how their wives/ partners behave in front of others. That’s not to say don’t be yourself, but the way you present your marriage to others also matters. I recently started always getting my husband a drink/ plate of food at a party or gathering we might attend. Yes, he could get it himself, but it means he definitely eats/ drinks and also demonstrates my respect for him. Now on the flip side, I do expect my husband to do many things for me- driving us when we go out as a family, fixing our cars, chopping firewood, fixing things in our house, staying up late to work. For me, I try to do things I can for myself as much as possible, so he can focus on those hard tasks that I don’t want to or am really not able to do.

[@lovinglife58]

@@Fruitofthefemme thank you that makes a lot more sense now

[@marypereira2726]

@lovinglife58 one principal that I heard which I think is true: men loved to be needed but hate neediness.

[@marypereira2726]

Fellow Catholic here! So excited about finding your channel! I’ve also been on a journey towards submissiveness as a wife. Genuinely asking: what do you mean by being submissive does not mean tolerating bad behavior? Like we could say bad behavior= sin so we can’t tolerate sin, but then we don’t have control of what our husbands do. Like we personally cannot be an accessory to sin but we also can’t nag him about what he should do. Does my question make sense?

[@Fruitofthefemme]

@@marypereira2726 I think it makes sense? Obviously we shouldn’t be following our husbands if they are committing a mortal sin, and I do think we have a place to gently say things like ‘you’re being a bit judgemental there’ or ‘we should try to be kind to that person’. I suppose by bad behaviour I meant being grumpy/ shouting etc, or anything directed towards us as wives. I mention this because so many people have this misconception this submission means you never challenge your husband or stick up for yourself and that isn’t the case. We still have a role to guide and soften them where appropriate

[@marypereira2726]

Yes ok that makes sense. So I recently read the Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle and I started doing some of her ideas and they really helped my marriage. She’s more about not even worrying about what your husband is doing, but improving your marriage by taking care of yourself and the rest follows suit. Which you have talked about too, so I’d be curious what you think of it!! Maybe a future video idea ☺️ thanks again for your channel!

[@Fruitofthefemme]

@ I haven’t heard of that book but I found ‘ask your husband’ by Steph Gordon helpful