Solitary confinement nightmare

[@samhayes100]

It takes a lot of courage to relive something so traumatizing and painful just to share it with us. I appreciate you and your reasons for your content. Thank you.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Well I appreciate you watching and listening to my words. I feel its important for others, especially the youngsters to hear about the realities of incarceration to prevent them from making negative decisions. As they say; if I can get through to just one kid, I can make a difference in many lives. That's the goal my friend.

[@mrandthetruthis]

​@@22CONSERVATIVEFELON Agreed, you definitely need a broader platform ... Sad, coz a lot of kids that look like me will identify with your story when it's too late, given the silly glamour and shine portrayed by most podcasters...smh

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

@@mrandthetruthis I'm working on reaching a bigger audience shortly. It is sad how the majority glamorize prison like it's a badge of honor. I'm embarrassed I was in there, but attempt to use it know to guide the youngsters.

[@terrancewhite716]

I came across yiur channel the other day your vibe and energy has me locked in I'm trying to catch up on yiur videos. I hope nothing but success for you.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Appreciate that, and thank you for following along.

[@InterstateVet]

Compelling story, thank you for taking the strength to tell it.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Thanks for listening

[@liljoenyc01]

you just recently started your channel and already you are one of the best on KZbin

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Very nice thing to say. I appreciate you following along

[@donnapittman6135]

Thank you for speaking about doing time..I was able to visit with my son this morning.I told him about you and some of your situations. We had a 4 hour contact visit. He related to everything I was sharing and there was an appreciation on his part..for your words..it seemed like a door was opened. Yes he would love being able to reach out to you. But he only has access to prison software. Much love and prayers. I appreciate you so much. So sorry for the miserable circumstances you endured..❤️

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

If there is a way I can write or contact your son I would be more then happy to remain in touch with him.

[@donnapittman6135]

@22CONSERVATIVEFELON he would love it and so would I, but I can't put is contact info for all to see here. You have such a big heart.. Don't know how to arrange this. 💕

[@donnapittman6135]

@22CONSERVATIVEFELON did you get my message? Gave you numbers only. I wish I could personally give you that info.

[@Eric-B24559]

I'm so very grateful every single day that I have never ended up in a situation that would have lead me to Prison. These stories are so raw and real. I've been an early follower of yours man and I'm glad you made it out alive, keep sharing.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Really appreciate your words and thank you for following along. I do speak real, from my heart, and can hopefully persuade youngsters from living incorrectly, and anyone for that matter

[@philliproberts7294]

@@Eric-B24559 Exactly mate and it could of happened to most of us drink driving then killing someone then jail these days drug driving then killing someone when we are young we don't think properly can't tell ya how many times I've driven drunk

[@cherylschrader6255]

I really enjoy your stories. 😊

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Appreciate you watching and following along

[@peterlyons8793]

I don't "enjoy" listening. I'm absolutely horrified at how he was treated.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

@ I appreciate your words and I appreciate you watching. Thank you.

[@slgordon3]

You have been through a lot man. You are one strong person.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

If you only knew the half of it! I look back on the crazy kid I was in disbelief, wondering why it took me so long to learn; more so why it took so long to find myself. I've had a painful life; Dares, thrills, stupidity, high pain tolerance, whatever it was it brought me unimaginable joy and unbearable pain.

[@mikeedmonds7929]

Fish, that was a powerful and an extremely sad story. I can't even imagine living through that horror of solitary confinement. I'm so glad you are out in the free world.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I'm sure glad as well! I appreciate you watching, and hopefully my messages persuade others from living immorally. Solitary was a nightmare, torture!

[@ChicagoMobTrials]

Thanks for sharing these powerful stories Fish, I am so sorry to what you have been thru, I cant imagine. I wish you could sue some how for all the pain, torture and suffering!

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

The thing we must realize is that I subjected myself to their torture by committing a crime and going to prison. Tough to admit, but the truth and reality. It's why I want to educate others to WALK THE RIGHT WAY

[@innoebawellnessanthonybada2392]

To whom much is given much is required. God Gave you the strength to endure so that you can help others.

[@Jackawings]

Sorry to hear all this man, thank you for sharing hope things keep getting better and better for you.

[@Ltrain6]

I felt that Fish. I only did one night in jail and i experienced the same exact feeling. Once that cage door locked in i spiraled into a panic realizing I had no control to get out. The anxiety was so intense i too started to look for things in the room to end it all. The only thing that got me through was seeing my 4 year old daughter playing and hearing her laughter in my mind. Having to deal with that for one night, i can only imagine what you went through and i’m sorry you had too. I don’t care how great of a mental dr you are, you don’t know how scary and serious panic and anxiety attacks are unless you have experienced one. I really hope this youtube channel catches on and sets you free. all the best.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I am grateful for your comment, and just knowing you experienced the same feeling bothers me. It's not pleasant. The message I want to get across is that I subjected myself to that life by the many bad decisions I made on the street, and because of that I paid the price. Hopefully others can learn the corrupt criminal system is no joke and to stay away from it. Thanks again.

[@carld.2707]

Wow!!!! Damn Fish…you are truly a good man…to endure all this pain and suffering and you haven’t let it make you insane….peace and blessings always to you bro

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

It was a tremendous amount to go through, and it sticks with me until this day. It definitely took something away from me. This is what happens when you subject yourself to the system, it's bad in there, but again, it was my fault for living incorrectly to begin with and why I suffered.

[@carld.2707]

@@22CONSERVATIVEFELONyou know, sometimes we get caught in a situation where either we accept things that we can or should overlook or go into a train of thinking that society frowns upon, there’s a multitude of reasons why people resort to violence, but unfortunately, society has a tendency to look at violence as unacceptable, the way I see it, sometimes violence is the only thing some people understand…. I say that to say this, just because you commit a violent act, doesn’t define who you are…despite your conviction, you are a good man, stand up dude

[@mtigre001]

The strength you possess in a rare blessing. Keep your head up- always. Props

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I appreciate that, thanks for following along.

[@serenityisbest]

Joe, you moved me deeply with this story. Your writing is so skilled and descriptive that it transports me to where you are and every little detail about the situation you’re witnessing in every one of your videos. While listening to you in this particular video, my heart was racing and I felt panic just as you did. You’re brave to open up about these experiences that caused you so much emotional pain. But I know you do this to save others from possibly going through the same thing. Once again I thank you for what you do, my friend. C🧚

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I really appreciate that descriptive comment. Yes, I do it to prevent others from subjecting themselves. When people tell me they are sorry I had to go through that, I want them to understand that I did it to myself by committing a crime in the free world, and I subjected myself to their mistreatment, subjected myself to their abuse of power, and subjected myself to their system. My message is one to 'live right' because this is what can happen when you don't, this is what will happen when you don't. I believe when people commit crimes they should be arrested. I believe if the crime is bad they should be put in prison. What kind of society would we have if this weren't the case? But, I will also agree the system is broken, a business, many things except centered around helping people change which is what we want, and need

[@edwardmorgan9411]

Heart breaking, love your insight and stories.❤❤

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

@@edwardmorgan9411 Thank you for following along

[@ericwalker9935]

Thanks for sharing your painful moments so others wont have to suffer the same fate.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Appreciate you watching and I hope this video can impact others' lives.

[@philliproberts7294]

Unfortunately most don't learn from listening they only learn from their own pain if they are lucky

[@ericwalker9935]

@@philliproberts7294 I agree to disagre, sure most learn the hardway however....after enough kicks in the teeth, most learn to listen, especially when the message is heart felt.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

@ But all I can do is plant the seeds and hope they grow

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

@@philliproberts7294 Still have to plant the seeds and hope they grow

[@buddyfishingva8141]

I pray you have peace given all your suffering. Your sharing has an impact. Thank you.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I appreciate that, thank you ever so much for your words.

[@FrostyNyUK]

It has to be truly traumatizing to relive this horrible time in your life! Isolation and loneliness is cruel and inhumane!! God Bless you for having courage to share this awful time of your life!! 🙏🙏💙

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

This is very true. After telling the story I feel into a depression for the entire day. I appreciate you watching and following along.

[@superfuzzymomma]

5000 subs by Spring👍 This is very well done

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Let's hope so! Thanks for watching!

[@pdxfun4888]

I hope the trauma you have endured keeps any possibility of reoffending . There’s a few men here that had a good following, established buisness and f up and had committed crimes or threatened folks and now are incarcerated. Please, stay free. You seem like a good hearted, solid man. Stay free

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I plan on staying free. I was released in 2013 and have lived right ever since and don't plan on changing. Appreciate your words

[@Erica-w3p]

Hi hon. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing. It must have been a lot for you. God Bless 🙏🏻

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

It was one of the worst things I experienced in my life. Thank you for your words. The truth is I committed a crime and got myself locked up in prison, and when you go into prison things can happen. Believe me I am not making light of it, it was torture; but this is what I want others, especially the youth to comprehend, that this is what can happen, and it can happen quickly, in the blink of an eye when you don't live right.

[@Annie-eu5er]

I’m so sorry, Fish. My brother was in solitary twice, I think at Attica. He befriended a rat that would visit him every day. He would feed the rat mashed potatoes. I think it was his way of surviving. After that, he was deemed CMC. He tried to appeal, but he lost his appeal. I only know small bits and pieces about being CMC. He is CMC-A. Can you possibly do a video about what CMC is so I can understand better? I’m so grateful that you have the courage to share your stories. You have helped me greatly in understanding my brother’s situation. I’m so sorry for what you went through and my heart breaks for you. You seem like a genuinely good person.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I appreciate you leaving your comment. I was labeled as CMC on Rikers Island as well. Thanks for your well wishes, just glad I made it out of there. I'm not sure if there is enough to film a video on CMC, it only means that an individual is a 'Central Monitored Case' which means they pay a bit more attention to you for a host of various reasons. Thanks for following along

[@peterlyons8793]

CMC means Central Monitoring Case. It requires Albany DOCS to be informed of any movement or unusual activity of a specific inmate.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

@ I explained that in my response to you, I appreciate you watching

[@philliproberts7294]

Oh my God fish im so sorry you went through that i can see and feel your pain im in tears myself that was horrendous 😮

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I appreciate your words, and I wish there were words in the human language that could help you decipher how much torture for me it was. It was closest I came to ending my life. It is over a decade later and it remains with me until this day. After reliving the story once again to make the video I feel shook up

[@philliproberts7294]

@22CONSERVATIVEFELON don't need words mate I can see in your eyes and feel your heart. Your safe now mate and you have your lovely many dogs that worship you

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

@@philliproberts7294 Thanks man, seriously, thanks. It is something that sticks with me forever, and of course I try to keep myself composed when reliving the story. What I have to remember, and what others need to realize, is that I subjected myself to that treatment by committing a criminal act, living wrong, and not thinking when I was young. Yes, the system treated prisoners incorrectly, many were heartless, the system is abusive in many ways, but I put myself in there. I guess that's the lesson that is important to get across. That was the closest I came to taking my own life.

[@bryanthomas6063]

Thank you for your selflessness and for your heart. You are making a difference. I like when you talk about God and reference accounts from Scripture. God bless you and this ministry of a channel you have created.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Well I appreciate you watching, and thank you ever so much for your words.

[@JamesPilgrim-y3m]

Bro... It's all over now...Your not going back there... You have touched the hearts and souls of many people because of this channel you created.. Many of us can relate to you in one way or another so your stuck with us now..... GOD BLESS!!!!

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

What a warm and nice thing to say and express, thank you ever so much. I appreciate that. Seriously, thank you.

[@JamesPilgrim-y3m]

@@22CONSERVATIVEFELON thanks for the thanks bro... I appreciate you and your channel. Keep up the great work 💯💯💯💯💯

[@lillegrisensbattlemovies6201]

Very powerful story. The US prison system i fked up for sure .Why do they have to make solitary so unbearable i can´t figure out. There´s no rehibilation at all in solitary- just punishment. Yes- some prisoners need some sort of isolation-but they don´t need torture

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

You are 100% correct. Just placing a television in the wall of solitary would change everything; the prisoner would be separate from the population but not locked in an empty room to go silent and crazy.

[@mackfin8869]

There should be a time limit on solitary confinement ❤.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

In many cases there are, but the Dept. of Corrections has ways around that. They have literally released a prisoner from solitary, then five minutes later put them back in for something else they fabricated because they don't like that particular prisoner.

[@Thomas-d2z8o]

Fish your videos are having an impact a positive impact thank you for your podcast oh yeah you use the word transpired that's a good word if you replace that word with occurred it makes a difference a positive difference

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I appreciate your feedback and your kind words, thank you for watching.

[@blastbarrett132]

Only 25 seconds into the video. 3 months in solitary I was losing my mind. Cruel and unusual punishment. It's disgusting!!!

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

It was torture

[@blastbarrett132]

And Jesus I might have to go back into a county bid again next month. Our previous feeling isn't helping me! Im broke out here. But Jesus you're making me think of only 3 months in solitary in a good jail. Stay strong bro. You got this. ALL DAY YOU GOT THIS!!!!

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

If you have to go back then you do what you have to do it get it behind you, never look back and then focus on the future.

[@brandonfouts4074]

Much respect for you sir for sharing

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Well thank you for watching, I appreciate it

[@1997wolverine]

Very emotional video Big man. My longest stretch in the box was just under 4 months. I am very claustrophobic now. Tight places make me anxious.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Thanks for watching and thanks for the comment, and yes, it definitely had an effect on me as well. Even when I go to a doctors office, when they close the door I start to suffer anxiety, can start to sweat. I doubt the feeling will ever go away.

[@1997wolverine]

@@22CONSERVATIVEFELON One day at a time brother.

[@fitnessboost401]

I'm glad you made it out, man.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Me too! :-) Thanks for following along

[@itsapodcastrophe]

Holy shit..shopping on Amazon got the notification n bam I'm here w ya...

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I appreciate you taking the time to watch my video.

[@terrancewhite716]

Have you seen the TedTalk on youtube they did at Attica? Did you know any of those guys or the guards i would imagine those are the honor dorm type of guys

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I may have seen it a while back, I'll check it out

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I went and watched the Ted talk on Attica, actually may have recognized a face or two.

[@blastbarrett132]

I would LOVE to see those Dr.s be trapped in solitary be there for 2 months

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I was seriously close to ending my life, and the truth is the doctor just felt bothered he was asked to come see me so early in the morning. The system doesn't care

[@joeyplany7111]

Damn brother…I was in solitary for one day…..I cannot imagine….Stay strong!!

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Appreciate you, and one day is one day too many

[@youaintgottaliecraig]

Shu is not for the mentally weak . I did 7 months , just nothing but anxiety , lonly , the silence is the loudest silence youll ever have

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I know it all to well! As I explained, for me, a person who is very hyper, and a person with mental health issues, it was pure torture

[@nathanurick8320]

I worked in a jail as a deputy for two years before going to the streets and I can say there were very few days that I did not enjoy. In 2 years I never had to fight because I knew how to talk and reason with people. I wasn’t a punk and maybe there were times I was given a reason to step over the line but it was not worth it to me. There were times I would pull inmates out to talk to them but I would make it look like a medical call because I didn’t want to get them in trouble with other inmates.

[@itsapodcastrophe]

Hey Fish .this one got me last night man...i had to shake it off man..

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Well it got me as well, something that sticks with me forever my friend

[@tristianbiso3659]

This is powerful.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Appreciate that

[@EdwardHill-oh3vr]

Man that hit me really hard Man.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

It was not a pleasurable experience in the slightest! As mentioned, all these years later it stays with me. I appreciate you watching

[@glensparlin]

You have to be unusually strong of mind

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

It has taken a huge toll on me my friend, but I keep going. I appreciate you watching

[@tristianbiso3659]

What did you do time for?

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I explain things in my videos, thanks for watching

[@BillGreen420]

Sup Fish? I let this other KZbinr Matty Tottenham who has the W-number podcast know about your channel and I said I think it would be a good idea to hit you up and maybe get an interview. Would be cool to see you on as a guest, he does the zoom interviews etc. ✌️

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I appreciate that but I don't do interviews with anyone. I have received quite a few offers from various individuals but as mentioned, right now I'm just doing my own thing. Thanks for thinking of me.

[@BillGreen420]

@22CONSERVATIVEFELON I totally understand as I wouldn't want to ATM myself, if anything changes feel free to lmk and I'll set it up.

[@nathanurick8320]

You & I talked a little already about finding work after prison. I will be the first to say the system is not and was not designed for you to succeed in life after prison . Everything including being on parole to finding work is designed for you to fail. It’s a shame that we can’t do better.

[@reggie8158]

Is this the same thing as PC?

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

It is 100% different. PC is protective custody. In protective those guys are permitted to have their property, personal items, permitted to go outside with others in PC. In solitary confinement it is what it is, you are trapped in a room with basically nothing except a book and a few sheets of writing paper, if you are lucky.

[@JamesPilgrim-y3m]

Man!!!!! Recreational time in prison use to be activities and sports and that's why it was called recreation... Now they put people in a dog cage with nothing so it's worse than cell time where at least you have a few things to do

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

It is worse, stepping out of your solitary cell into a 5x8 dog cage smaller then the cell itself; that is their recreation. This is why you don't subject yourself to the system to begin with!!

[@itsapodcastrophe]

I got hit with the thorazine bro..not rite

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Appreciate you watching, just trying to speak as real as it gets about my experience

[@bigroy38]

Same kinda accent like Larry Lawton.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Appreciate you watching and following along. All my best

[@Pleasurechest985]

What medications are you on now? You have to be on some physiotherapy drugs. Curious as to what keeps you stable now.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

Why do I have to be on medications? LOL I haven't taken medication in well over twenty years. What keeps me stable? I am just stable. I run a business, have six dogs, maintain a home, spend time with people I care about. The beach keeps me stable. :-) I enjoy the beach, going to a Broadway show here and there, and I enjoy doing landscape design, have created some amazing projects.

[@thruthefirepubl]

@@22CONSERVATIVEFELON That's right! Most of those RX drugs are pure poison.

[@tristianbiso3659]

Open your heart to Jesus FAITHFULLY and you will be saved. Good luck.

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I taught the word for over a decade and am a licensed minister

[@mrandthetruthis]

I am gripped by your story. I commented on a couple of your videos but this one I stopped mid-way through. Wow! You should provide an email address or something for ppl to ask questions / feedback, as a public comments section is pretty impersonal and not the place ya know... We are all going through it and ur perspective given all may really help someone (more than you do already) Keep up the "honest" good work Sir !!👊🏾

[@22CONSERVATIVEFELON]

I appreciate the advice about providing an email, and it's something I will look into. I run a business right now so it's not easy, and I'm sure tons of emails may come in. I thank you for following along, and again, it is something I will look into.