Standards vs Preferences

Dharius Daniels is a cultural architect and trendsetter for his generation. He is the Founder and Lead Pastor of Change Church. Change Church is a vibrant ministry that impacts people of all ages, socioeconomic classes, and ethnic backgrounds.
He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Political Science from Millsaps College in Jackson, Mississippi, a Master of Divinity degree from Princeton Theological Seminary in Princeton, New Jersey, and a Doctorate of Ministry degree from Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California.
He is married to Shameka Daniels and they are the proud parents of two sons Dharius Seth and Gabriel Micah Daniels. Visit Dr. Dharius on the web at www.dhariusdaniels.com.
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[@nikkikraemer7363]

I needed this message 15 years ago when I was pushed to marry a man I don’t have a connection with and we are unevenly yoked. I have pushed something that wasn’t meant for me for 15 years now and I have been miserable with a smile on my face just to make others happy.

[@cemplygloria6261]

That may have been have been the case for you then but in 15yrs you have matured and grown enough to make a decision for yourself not others people.

[@ninapullins1674]

Get his Relational Intelligence book, it will help gain perspective. Blessings 🙏🏾

[@nikkikraemer7363]

@@ninapullins1674 thank you

[@nikkikraemer7363]

I ordered the book and it arrives tomorrow. I’m praying for insight.

[@ninapullins1674]

@@nikkikraemer7363 you will gain so much about how to place people in the right place in your life .And you will discover your motivation behind why you have allowed certain people in . The good news is you will understand you more , this will cause you to be more intentional to create what you need transform your life. Best wishes!

[@joer8273]

I recall being pressure to propose to my now ex wife when I was in my early 20s. I heard “Why wait? You obviously love her.” “This is what people do around here.” “Do you really want to start the process all over again?” “We can all have kids growing up the same age.” You name it. And she was (is) a great girl, but here’s the issue: I hadn’t worked through MY “stuff” yet. I hadn’t done the work yet on childhood trauma. I hadn’t learned or been mentored in how to really know if s(he)‘s the one. Having the important and tough convos about money management, for example. The worst part was the ultimatum from her one Oct. “if you don’t propose to me by the end of the year, I’m leaving. I can’t wait forever” (she was 23). I hadn’t seen that as an enormous red flag. Instead, my childhood abandonment issues were triggered and I got scared. Moral of the story: other people are not you! They don’t know your walk. We have to walk our walk and do the work during that walk. She’s a wonderful person, and I’m blessed we are still friends and amazing coparents, but had I had this wisdom from PD, I would have waited, grew, and thus saved both of us a lot of pain.

[@melmel7011]

I foresee a reconciliation in the future

[@CrystalRoeMusic]

I felt the part when he said, "It's giving me friend vibe. It's giving me bro!" Exactly, I'm not forcing myself to like someone romantically. Nope! Not doing it!

[@melissaatuatasi495]

Just found this in 2/29/2024 - it's so good & powerful! Thank you Pastor Dharius Daniels!

[@leewilson1577]

"fighting chronic temptation" because you did go after what you wanted !!!!!!! wow

[@johntesfay3621]

This man!!! Why isn’t PD on mainstream media, universitys and all this platfroms!!! I think PD is the thought leader of this generation!!!

[@azureenicole]

Pastor this was so timely! You run into unnecessary temptations when you choose to settle for what you think you should have instead of what you want ! No point in wasting one another’s time if the feelings aren’t authentic !! This was so rich

[@octaviaaddison8094]

"If I don't know what I want, then how do I know if I've found it?" - a bar.

[@justjas161]

I had to rewind & listen to that last part again. “A lot of ppl who are trying to tell ppl who they should be with, don’t want the one they with.” That’s a whole word! I ALWAYS get shade from certain individuals b/c I refuse to settle & choose not to date just anybody & I could never understand why they care so much. And those last words gave me a lightbulb moment. Misery loves company! It’s quite obvious these ppl aren’t happy with their life & marriage so of course they’d have something to say & slick want me to choose the same miserable path they’ve chosen. Tuh! Not gonna happen. This was great PD, as always. Thank you! 😊❤

[@melmel7011]

Happens to me too. I do not understand why people push others to marry

[@marquiisthomas9304]

Even if they are shallow. Let them make their choice. Because the other person will get hurt down the line more if they wake up one day and make the decision to leave later

[@lollikiss25]

The way I screamed in my apartment when you said your standards are your floor not the ceiling 😅

[@pretinaj.phoenix6532]

Unfortunately I believe we the people are more detailed and descriptive concerning what we wear or drive than who we want to be in a relationship with. To say I just want someone nice, to chill with and no drama. Well Sir or maam that can be the guy /girl who bags your groceries or is your dry cleaner but not someone who shares the same values, views money as you do or decides that their political party is the only credible option. We need to be CIA, detectives and ask questions like a person trying to get you signed up to vote. This is our heart, you only get one of those, we can't be out in these streets handing it out like its a sample at Costco.

[@vivianedepaiva1224]

You have been a father to me pastor ❤

[@NicholeWilderBrown]

Attraction matters from both sides. Been there done that. So true!

[@mariemuhammad7983]

Relationships matter. 🎉🎉💜💜👑

[@cpittman1527]

Teachhhhh pastor! Relationships on every level matter...choices in relationships affect EVERYBODY your connected to.....pick well!!Me, I wud rather be alone thn miserable...periodt. so grateful for you Pastor. Blessings!

[@jonline3461]

What about standards (or preferences) that are rooted in unhealthy experiences? For example, unfortunately, many men were introduced to inappropriate content as kids, which may have shaped their “preferences.” As an adult, he may be saved, healed etc. but what he finds physically attractive may be heavily influenced by his experience as a youth and that may stay with him for the rest of his life (or not). Given that this influence may affect him forever, maybe he should just go ahead and choose women based on those preferences to avoid “chronic temptation.” But maybe it’s good to explore to source of our “preferences” and at times dig a little a deeper before we make decisions about dismissing people based on those “preferences.” This is just one example, but I can think of others. I’d love to hear what other people think about this question.

[@ramonaphillipsteach3284]

Lol 😂😂😂 the one that is trying to tell someone who they should be with don’t want the one they are with.😂

[@dominiquegolden]

YOU CAN’T GET LIFE RIGHT GETTING RELATIONSHIPS WRONG! Let’s go DD, excited to hear this message!

[@ladonnaharris5614]

True!!

[@neba_heals]

That part 🎯

[@AndreaSylve]

Amen!!!

[@sandraflowe218]

I don’t normally post comments on KZbin. But, I HAD to give this one a virtual high-five. Finally, somebody said it (“It”, meaning every single thing you said in this video😂) Thank you for your honesty Sir!!!

[@stanleywade4033]

I need this GODLY relationship advice RIGHT NOW!!😳🤣😇✊🏽 Thank you Pastor!!!

[@cynathiagreen4694]

This was sooo Good Pastor D! I think that a lot of us get it twisted and I've had a time in my life where I was a little confused by maybe I should just date someone who I'm not attracted to just because they were a good person. Then I had to learn that just cause they are good doesn't mean they are good for me. I believe that God knows our desires, how can it be shallow if you want to be attracted to the one he has for you. Everyone is different and I think it's great that you shared this message!

[@omarflores1]

" A lot of people who are telling other people who they should be with, don't want the one they are with!'" The truth hurts, but the bible says in proverbs," a wise person learns from others mistakes." Take heed! 🦁

[@ladonnaharris5614]

This very true. As you get older they can change

[@ramonaphillipsteach3284]

Awesomw teaching. I learned to let God choose for me and confirm it. What’s not meant to be is Not meant to be even 20years later. Let’s seek God in our relationships.🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@abeekuworldchanger380]

I've been learning this too. Our lives are too good to give away cheaply to people who don't value our lives or purpose

[@angelahsieh496]

Be true to myself!

[@agm0mmy]

So thankful for this message, DD. I needed this 20 years ago!!! “You can’t get life right getting relationships wrong!” So true!!! I definitely need to fix my “picker.” 💯 💙💜🙏🏼🙌

[@antonniomitchell431]

PD got me rollin!! 😭

[@Leshagirl100]

This man just told my whole life. I can think of one specific thing that I've been treating as a preference when in reality it's a standard. This one thing has come up more than once with different individuals and every time I would feel badly that I felt so strongly about this one thing when sooo many other things were in alignment. Now I know it was a standard for me and not a preference...and I'm not settling!

[@JaxMchunu]

Yoooo you came for LIVES with this 😅🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@kathywherry9810]

I pondered on this all weekend. Confirmation

[@Rashaadthegr8]

Be flexible on your preferences and strict on your standards.

[@daisystanley9719]

I have listen to ur sermon "I don't need closure " at least 3 × or more. I have been TREMOUNFLESLY been blessed by it and opened my eyes to A LOT of things. Thank you soooo much for letting the Holly Spirit lead you !!!

[@shannonharper5029]

Pastor, Teacher, Counselor, you have so blessed me with your message ❣️🔥 I receive it ❣️, and will continue to Thrive ❣️❣️❣️🔥🔥🔥🙏🙏🙏

[@angelasagapelove]

So good Pastor Daniels. Amen

[@silivonacooper1287]

Having a man who like to keep a meticulous home environment is a standard & him knowing to cook is a preference

[@KnowMe_well]

Mm hmm… them boxes checked off for me of what I wanted. But what I needed was never given. It led me to get a certificate proving the end of that marriage☺️🤷🏽‍♀️. It was definitely forced because I thought I should like him. This coulda freed me 10 years ago. But I got it now. I receive it all. Thank you ☺️

[@lacreshiamiles7349]

Oh my God, you are absolutely correct!

[@cassandrawilson8813]

Thank you for setting me free!!! Check all the boxes but I don't like them😌...carry on Sir🙌🏾

[@wondafaith8621]

Wow! You hit the nail on the nose! It could not have been said any better.

[@londymhocho421]

I'm grateful 💯💯🔥🔥lord I'm laughing when you said you said, they tick all the boxes but I don't like them, I feel it soo strongly 😅😅😂😂

[@crystalhinton7992]

LORD have mercy 🙌🏾✅️🎯 preach this word

[@TheLetter_El]

This!!!!! A lot of people aren't going to like this. I wish more people would watch this and ABSORB it.

[@brittanycamille6460]

Yes 🎊🎉❤thank you!!!

[@zionbebopnk1426]

Where was this for me 13 yrs ago. It's honestly good to see not the only 1 on the cruise ship (can't say it's a boat) and feeling like I'm insane but the more more I get especially from Pastor PD even with Christian-ish series. Information I wish I had better understanding. Like he said the Information can be wrong even coming from loved ones due to lack of knowledge and understanding doesn't mean they don't love you but providing information from hurt or unhealed place.

[@rugezajoyeuse5664]

I needed this today🙏

[@dianaflegal4495]

Your standards are you non negotiables! So good!

[@niecysongz89]

All Pick Matters 🙇🏽‍♀️

[@amirarcher7628]

Needed to hear this in this season in my life 🎉

[@ets_son_bien_amie]

I am freed. Looks are a standard for me

[@saraalleluia]

Amazing. Just what I needed. Recently met a man (so beautiful) but I kept thinking does he have a prayer life, does he have a relationship with God. I want a man that honours God with his life

[@niecysongz89]

My standard are my least non negotiable My preference are my aspirations but deal breakers

[@andrelynmalveaux7002]

This was GOOD and thank you. I am going to look at what my standard and preferences are. And understand it's not about anyone but me ... Thank you!!! More please!!

[@michaelamarcia2336]

THIS IS GOOD!!!!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@DevotedLady53]

Amen❤🙏

[@bridgetsebolai6207]

Happy to be here 💖💖💖

[@soritadejarnette6953]

You are truly connected to our Father....He will always direct your path.

[@shamettaallen342]

Amen

[@adlysahollis5447]

Thank you Pastor Daniels for you give us spiritual truth from God’s word that helps us open and digest emotional truth that you feed us. Thank you that you care enough to make sure we have a balanced diet of truth, which is the Word of God. Amazing…!!!

[@shan5986]

This got me soo many times thank God for deliverance

[@slickwhitit74]

Yesss❤❤❤❤thank you sooo much!!

[@miamccray4921]

STANDARDS AND PREFERENCES 🔥🔥🔥

[@kp92871]

💯 always on point Pastor DD!!!

[@kathywherry9810]

Always!!

[@irinaprata5084]

I'm so grateful for this message, I needed to hear that today. Thank you so much Pastor D 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@aliciashaw1209]

Thank you PD

[@leelove9441]

🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@abieyuwaekuase8699]

❤❤❤

[@AndiswaTshefu]

Word!

[@kivigray0423]

Wait. This is so good!! I’m about to rewind.

[@larhondathomas9500]

❤🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@malcolmhueyking8333]

The ironic thing about this video for me is that the woman who introduced me to Dr. Dharius is the same woman he’s talking about. She checked off boxes for me but I didn’t really like her. I let a relationship build because she fit the boxes. When I prayed for Jesus to remove the cup if it wasn’t for me and she broke up with me, it was one of the best days of my life.

[@Taraiwashington]

Thank you

[@BriceKoua-11-11]

THANK YOU!!! I needed to HEAR THAT!!

[@favoreddiva6907]

This is a word!!!🙏🏽🙌🏼

[@brittanycamille6460]

💯

[@carlah8814]

Wowwwww so good!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@ladonnaharris5614]

Good message

[@MrJPegues]

Facts PD

[@janethart3155]

Sweet 😊

[@kimberly8839]

Great message!

[@tanekabanks4682]

I love the transparency. I will share. Thx u for a now word!

[@dawnmbali4010]

Timely word! Thank you!

[@miamccray4921]

PD THIS IS SO USEFUL AND ON TIME FOR ME

[@MrJPegues]

This is on time

[@demikacobbaboutmybusiness]

Pastor Dhaurius thank you for sharing great insight about relationships God knows I need help with relationships and how Differentiate my standards and my Preference because relationships is greatest joy and pain and I am definitely at place in my life that I need emotional health relationships people that I can build with not just company or not just romantic companionship either. God send my purpose people that’s ready to build!!!

[@rondale75]

Awesome!!!!!

[@netinaclaxton3775]

You better preach Pastor this so spoke to me in so many ways

[@marquiisthomas9304]

You ain’t lyin jack

[@capricedawkins2290]

I wonder what Pastor keep looking at that has him smiling during this great message 😂 we see y’all …awesome perspective

[@denisedavis2666]

Thank you!

[@biancacalhoun9839]

Wow! Thank you 😊

[@gustinesears8701]

I agree relationship does matter in Jesus name Sears from Lawton Oklahoma

[@korahsears254]

Provdr

[@templefuel5408]

💯💯💯💯💯

[@Meeechellaaa]

Thank you I've been in the market 🤓

[@michelleg1617]

Say the truth Pastor Dharius!

[@aprilmoorman6409]

Wow! Thank you Pastor Dharius for this conversation. This hit the nail right on the head for me! I’ve been going back and forth about this. I’m on track now.

[@yasminm.9112]

THANK YOU, my dear 😀❤️

[@dimplesA1]

Amen! Finally, wisdom spoken with common sense! What I've known to be true for years. 💯!!👏🏾 It's unfortunate that I've heard a lot of other ministries telling singles their "standards" don't matter, even as far to say marriage is just about purpose...like God isn't concerned about our preferences!

[@drlatashaclay]

Good afternoon, Pastor! I just had to comment LOL! This was confirmation for me. I needed to hear this WORD! Thank you! 😊🙏🏼

[@rugezajoyeuse5664]

Same😢

[@mariemuhammad7983]

If I don’t know what I am looking for. how will I know when I found it. 🎉🎉⚓️💜👑⚓️I knew immediately.