Grieving the loss of your abuser

[@noodlepoodlegirl]

On her website she does have some really good freebie work sheets, for all kinds of things!

[@Nina-vv3ev]

It’s called complicated grief because you’re grieving a relationship that you valued and you grieve what could’ve been & what you didn’t get to have what you thought you had & lost… but not only that you feel betrayed and have to heal from that as well

[@kawaiidark3522]

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that we are hardwired to stick with what's familiar. Our brains like familiarity, we like knowing what's going to happen because we expect it, even if the situation or the habit is bad for us. When something good comes along, we automatically want to reject it bc it scares us. We don't trust it, we don't believe a good thing could happen, we don't know if it really is a good thing. We have to actively work on accepting what was bad for us and what could be good for us, and become familiar with the good so we may leave the bad behind.

[@8no1likeme-infinitestar65]

No one ever even believed me, not my best friend or my mother, nor did they care, so sad

[@courtneyh9153]

Amen girl… it’s one day at a time for sure.

[@reneecaballero9624]

It took me years to trust and be able to communicate with the man that I've been in a healthy,non abusive relationship with for the past 8yrs. He has never yelled at me,he refuses to argue. I literally didn't know how to handle or comprehend that this was normal. I thought he didn't give a shit about me, didn't even love me enough to want to FIGHT with me . This was and is 20yrs after leaving my abuser. The actual abuse may have ended, but the PTSD and other neurological trauma still exists. Recently found out that continued abuse literally changes your brain.. That makes so much damn sense, because I've never been the same and I have a permeant disconnect, because I had to dissociate so much that I turned numb to it because it was survival..

[@smeyer6960]

Thank you for this. It does feel weird and complicated to grieve my abuser's death. I keep using those words to describe what I am feeling.

[@allee935]

My dads a narcissist and sometimes I hate myself for loving him. It’s conflicting because he was in and out of my life and when he was in a good mood things were really good but when they were bad they were really bad. I’m a lot happier and less stressed now that I’ve cut him off but I feel sad I don’t have a dad.

[@rosiehill4096]

Mine is not dead, but his stroke did bring out the good in him and mellowed the bad. I got lucky and I know it. Does not change things, but I get a truce. That is acceptablish. The stroke *took* a lot from his mood, like death. What is left is partly what he was too scared to show. I know it's not a solution, but for today I will work with what I have. Thanks for reading.

[@charlotteholloway9461]

That’s crazy the tables have turned 🧐 karma maybe? Now your in charge

[@MashellAponi]

It's my Dad's birthday today 1st heavenly birthday. So many mixed emotions. Thank you for this.

[@elled10024]

Thank you.

[@Chris-gw2kz]

Thank you 💜💜💜

[@xx_evxlmia_xx]

It’s so painful

[@vannahmontana44]

How do you get rid of the feeling of guilt? I still feel guilty for leaving my narc ex, I feel like I'm abandoning him because he has nobody else, the guilt is what made me go back in the past and idk how to get rid of it.

[@athena1047]

Its not easy, but do it. Read a book, take a walk, call a friend. Volunteer, watch narc videos. It took mine trying to kill me before a turn of events led him to believe he had a strong upper hand and it changed. POINT. I still feel guilty. I try my best to live in the moment. Its a retrain yourself. Make lists, journal. OOOh yes, Its OK to ask for help. This is when we learn how strong we are. oh get a pet, even if its a wee fish to talk to.

[@sumcrazychic2832]

Thank you

[@michulafrance117]

How long does the grieving last….

[@Beautifullyme549ttownsfinestme]

I agree.

[@desireemccurdy2729]

So good 🕊

[@retrosilver7455]

I don’t see the furture I’m haunted by my own life no not so good I’m sad yes and I want to stay in my box room and not leave or do anything except watch you talk wise words and my mind is playing the past events images putting the pieces together hard to accept hard to let go when the abuser still has control and power to hurt me anytime for how ever way he chooses to do it all I can is think how am I going to fight back and be ready for the battle

[@kaystephens2672]

Get out of there and get a restraining order. No one has the right to ever harm you in and way. You'd be amazed at my story. You are nobody's prisoner. Especially emotionally. Don't doubt yourself. 22 years free of that wretched mess. I had me a nasty one. The only way is to think fast and get out. And never go back. Things will fall into place. It's scary but you have to be in contact with one person. Contact someone at your local shelter or mental health community. I feel you and I had no one. I just made up my mind. These are serious problems and you can solve them. God will make a way for you. You have to ignore everything they say and do. Good luck

[@elia4530]

Ty

[@daphnietudor2953]

I was asked this in jail. Bc the projection wasn't picked up by the police.