"I didn't tell them she was trans" - r/AITA (Lgbt+ Edition)

[@gh0stpuppi333]

Imagine feeling entitled to information about a CHILD’S GENITALIA

[@scelesteregina]

Warrants JAIL!

[@waffles3629]

Yep. It's disturbing. And terrifying when you are the child in question. Yes, it happened to me.

[@kindauncool]

It's off-topic, but it's weird how people say this but at the same time support them becoming sterile using the same defence. I don't mean to sound any sort of way I'm obviously supportive but I think this conversation should be had, your comment just reminded me ^-^

[@KVLT_VVITCH]

@@kindauncool If you're referring to puberty blockers as "becoming sterile" you really need to educate yourself.

[@ZyanoseBiggestFan]

@@waffles3629same, and it’s happened from strangers

[@austin.luther]

On the dudes with the 2 dads: There is one possibility that doesn't make his girlfriend an asshole. Maybe she's not homophobic, but she knows that her parents absolutely are and she didn't want to cause a scene insulting her boyfriend's parents. That's all I could think of. Otherwise, she sucks.

[@vivacev]

That is exactly what I was thinking

[@clarab325]

i thought abt that, but if that was the case, the best choice imo would’ve been for her parents to leave and for her to stay and have dinner, not all leave in such a rude way

[@lunarsystem]

​@@clarab325but how would she get her parents to leave?

[@BookerZoot]

Wouldn’t she of messaged him tho saying she’s not bothered but her parents would be etc.

[@clarab325]

@@lunarsystem the same way she got them to leave together with her, like she for sure had to give them an explanation/tell them what was going on for her parents to turn the car around and leave. she could've just sent them away if she knew they'd be homophobic, but have stayed herself or at least have stood up for her boyfriend's family somehow, but it sounds like she didn't

[@stone1488]

May Milenko rest in peace 😔

[@kimcarter129]

R.I. P. Milenko, I’m sorry for your loss of your beloved pet.

[@flooterer]

i feel surrounded by death

[@VengefulAzana]

@@flootereryou just being edgy?

[@ninotor2080]

Im new here, who's milenko

[@Car_made_of_cheese]

@@ninotor2080it’s he’s parakeet

[@theshire9173]

That homophobic couple was so weird in their homophobia. Like, they let OP babysit their daughter but not mention his boyfriend? Did they expect OP to just hide his boyfriend from their daughter? Explaining that gay people exist seemed like an inevitability to me. It's really telling that they would use OP when it benefitted them but not support his sexual orientation. I'm glad OP's parents are supportive and will help him with the lawsuit because that homophobic couple has absolutely no legal leg to stand on in that case (kids are confused about a lot of things; that isn't a bad thing).

[@waffles3629]

Yeah, like suing someone for damaging their child because they learned that gay people exist? Grow up people. Kids ask lots of questions.

[@ManfredPichler]

The most likely reason why the kid is confused in the first place: The homophobia of the parents already rubbed off on her. Most likely there were some kind of remarks about same sex couples and the kid has taken that as the truth, just as kids do.

[@robertkirchner7981]

No lawyer who is not part of a Christian cult would take on that lawsuit.

[@Arosukir6]

Might depend on the country they're in, though. Can't assume OP is definitely from the US or another country with similar laws.

[@thelittlestpika]

The one about telling a 5 year old about gay people made me mad. It's not like he said anything inappropriate for a 5 year old and, if you're okay with showing kids things like a man and a woman kissing, what's the difference between that and same gender couples? That's like saying teaching kids that mountains exist is gonna cause psychological damage. They'll find out eventually and teaching them at a young age keeps them from being a bigot or being confused/upset if they're LGBTQ+. Trust me, I was a kid who wasn't taught about LGBTQ (especially not trans people) and I still turned out nonbinary and queer. All hiding it did was make me confused and hate myself.

[@anothercub6958]

Same. Spent 2 years mentally and emotionally preparing myself to deal with the bigotry and hate I expected to get being in a particularly religious community and country that at the time was still debating the legitimacy of gay marriage. Thankfully, the religious groups are not hateful where I live. Took me until middle school and coming out to my friends for me to finally find some peace in being myself.

[@thottusthottusxoxo]

Right. I don’t necessarily want kids, but if I had kids I would 100% tell them vaguely about gender and gay people if asked or even if it just is on topic. I will answer any questions they have.

[@waffles3629]

Yep, same. Didn't know gay people existed till middle school, or trans people till 16. I did complain that puberty was the worst thing ever and I despised the way my body was changing. Only to be laughed at and mocked by adults. Yep, still non-binary and aroace.

[@paperkay]

No, but the kid's father made damn sure he explained sex is evil, gays are an abomination and will go to hell and she should never ever like anyone but some homophobic god and her husband. Now the kid sees two normal, happy people being in love (probably a lot more than her parents) and is shaken to the core.

[@spook6394]

They want them to be a bigot or at least confused, that’s the point.

[@Philsburneraccount]

Why are people so eager to be romantic with people that think their siblings/loved ones shouldn’t exist? How can you say you care for them but share a life with someone hateful?

[@lucykitsune4619]

Idk I'd ask my older sister but she broke up with the guy due to reasons completely unrelated to me and his disrespect of my identity

[@Rose_Haw]

A lot of people seem to think being in a relationship is necessary.

[@_JustJoe]

My mom.

[@mkuhnactual]

In my experience, most "family" don't actually care about family past how useful or loyal to them they are, and that loyalty is not a two way street.

[@justaperson4656]

"You're marrying someone who's transphobic, that's red flag number one. Where's the rest of them?" Well, he got her parents to plan and execute the proposal for him

[@nicholasstauffer5830]

Agreed. She also admitted that she felt her fiancee pressured her into the engagement. I would call that a very bright red flag.

[@rogue_carlisle6167]

nope. it's not her fault for that. She likes him. her parents are going to pay for the wedding too since she can't afford it. not everyone can afford it bruh. and I wonder why you never praised her she kept supporting the sister even besides the fact that her parents were so angry at it.

[@justaperson4656]

@@rogue_carlisle6167 that is a red flag. Massive one to boot. I know not everyone can pay for a wedding, I myself can't, but in that instance you either postpone and save, or have a courthouse wedding. What sister is doing is NOT supporting her sister, it's the bare minimum. Does she want a gold star for calling her sister by her name? While still supporting, bending to the whims of, and staying in contact with the people who disowned her? That's pathetic. Not once did she stand up for her sister, nor did she call out any transphobic behaviour, ever. To stand by and watch one person attack another without intervention makes you just as guilty as the attacker, there's no such thing as bystanders, which is what the sister is trying to be. It just makes her complicit in the transphobia.

[@rogue_carlisle6167]

​@@justaperson4656 it's not some bare minimum thing. why would you want her to have some small court marriage?. some people want to have a good marriage and they can't afford it. why won't she take it. the sister was supporting her even besides the fact that the whole family was against it, you aren't talking about that?. and not everyone can afford living alone like you. she was obviously living with her parents for that, are you ok? wtf. she's not watching one person attacking another, the trans sister clearly moved about and she was openly supporting her. don't expect her to give up on her partner and sacrifice her wedding. she's not the one transphobic. and it's not like she knows he's transphobic the moment she met him, she knew when she was clearly into him and started liking him. I won't expect my sister/brother to sacrifice the wedding if their spouse is homophobic. is it going to affect their marriage for a long time?. why would they.

[@ThemmeFataleKiva]

​@@rogue_carlisle6167oh okay so she deserves praise for... Doing the bare minimum of human decency and not being human trash to her sister? Legit how embarrassingly low is the bar for you that calling someone their right name and pronouns seems like this big deed when it's just basic human kindness and empathy. What's next to we need to give men praise when they don't mansplain something? Also she's inherently going to the whims of this transphobic twat who made friendships with her parents who might I add are ALSO transphobes? Legit she's picking her transphobic family over her sister, and even if someone likes someone else there can be instances of the person doing things that would be red flags. Unplanned proposals can be HELLA red flags especially if they're under the influence of the person's parents. There are no ways in which she isn't the asshole

[@addicted2mako]

RIP Milenko

[@ohleander02]

This

[@clarab325]

exactly this!

[@hanaomer4419]

How else can he be part of the ceremony though? I don’t know much about weddings but aren’t the only roles groomsmen, bridesmaids, ring bearer and flower girl? What else can he do??

[@froggie0ribbit592]

​@@hanaomer4419He can walk her down the isle as well as the father. They can just stagger the bridesmaids and men of honor so that there's an alteration to each of their sides. Or flip it and put all the bridesmaids on the grooms side and all the men of honor on the brides side. She had alternatives, and instead of apologizing after her emotions got the best of her, she cowed away from it. She gave her brother an ultimatum: be uncomfortable for my sake because I want you to be or don't be part of one of the most important days of my life.

[@ohleander02]

@@hanaomer4419 you can have anyone you want be part of the ceremony. And no those aren't the only roles. There are many ways to assign different roles for the ceremony. Including using designations from other cultures or just making it up yourself. 🙄 In this case, if it didn't cause dysphoria, brides-man would have been appropriate or man-of-honor. Just as grooms-woman would be appropriate if the groom had any women in his life that he wanted to stand up for him. The roles you've listed are incredibly narrow-minded and aren't the only ones that exist

[@ryanvibert7245]

That story about the girl being barged in on in the bathroom around 9:00 is so upsetting. A kid forced their way into something really personal and, at the moment, private. And that child is blameless, theyre just a child. But then that kid's mom comes up and instead of being an understanding adult, makes the girl's experience something to argue about and dispute on her behalf. And this poor girl is in the bathroom, which should be the one place that you can absolutely trust to be private, having deeply personal things she isnt even done processing being thrown around by adults to judge her and each other. She deserves better. Im glad that her parents seem like strong, loving people who wont cave to any of that lil bullshit

[@blank468]

100% . To me the replies being like "the kid should have knocked" is just like... ya sure? and it sucks that the kid walked into the bathroom, like really really, but the blame here is 100% on the adults. It is on the adults for not teaching their child not to be transphobic. It is on the adults for not teaching their child that bathrooms and private parts are private. It is on the adults for responding with more transphobia and humiliating a 12 year old because of their transphobia. It is on the adults for responding so despicably, instead of talking to their own child about how "we need to knock, and we shouldn't yell things that can be embarrassing to someone". SO much on the adults and so fking horrible what happened to that poor 12 year old girl :(

[@Huntracony]

@@blank468 Definitely a lot of blame on the adults. But I have to ask, I've never heard of needing to knock before you open a closed bathroom door. Is this a US thing where people are leaving their bathroom doors open at all times?

[@blank468]

@@Huntracony im not from the US. But idk, it doesn't seem like a hard and fast rule to leave the door open/closed etc or assume the knock every time if you didn't realize someone was in the washroom. I am just saying that if the assumption was that the 12 yr old was in the washroom since they had left the table or whatever, then knocking to check makes sense. Like id knock if i thought someone could be using the washroom based on light/movement/context but of course i wouldn't expect a 4 yr old to be skilled at thinking about that. I just think this situation is a learning moment for the parents of the 4 year old to teach them to be more careful around washroom privacy and maybe knock if they aren't sure someone is inthere, idk. Especially in a house where not every door may have a lock especially if its an old building where locks may be brokenor non existent

[@alexconnor6456]

​@@HuntraconyIn my family we left the door open. If it was closed then there was someone in there. Easy, nobody would have anyone walking in on anyone else. And if the door was closed for an extended period of time then you would knock. Except when we had a big dog that liked to destroy toilet paper, then it was if the door was closed and the light was on, knock or wait.

[@Huntracony]

​@@alexconnor6456 I guess that works. I and afaik everyone I know just lock the door.

[@the_ghost_boy]

I hate it when people are like "yeah I use the pronouns they chose and their fake name even tho it's soooo hard for ME to do so so I'm basically an ally" and they won't even stand up for them 🙄

[@olivergregory5093]

I don't call my black friend slurs no matter how much I want to, so how can you say I'm racist for having a whites-only wedding?

[@louierichardson4750]

​@@olivergregory5093LITERALLY THIS!!!

[@fennelsbian]

No way! She doesn't misgender and deadname her sister? That's crazy, we should throw her a party! Maybe one planned by her parents, obviously the sister isn't invited!!! 🎉🎉🎉

[@lucykitsune4619]

WHy we should nominate her to receive the nobel prize of being an outstandingly good person!

[@AH-vm8yo]

The confusing the daughter bit was hilarious. How dare you confuse her by introducing harmless facts to her. Like someone saying how dare you tell my daughter that the earth is round you have confused her and damaged her.

[@cynister7384]

What's sad is that there are people who genuinely think that schools shouldn't teach that the Earth is round.

[@eddie-roo]

Wait until they flip over the teachers confusing her with their evil math, and suing the teachers for all the damage that confusion caused

[@hartthorn]

On the 2 Dads one, I almost wonder if she was one of those "Oh, I *totally* support the LGBT community!" with the silent part being "over there. Away from MY community". I've definitely seen that more than once, where the bigotry only comes out once the issue is in THEIR "house".

[@gehadamr4137]

i was thinking maybe her parents are either homophobic or maybe ignorant. like we dont know why, but i think if the parents are gonna meet then that that fact should have been mentioned as a heads up

[@theshire9173]

I've dealt with that. My parents are totally fine with LGBT+ people existing, as long as their kids aren't part of that community. It was such whiplash how accepting they were in the way they reacted to finding out my friend was gay versus finding out I am aroace (but that might also be that they don't believe aspec people are real)

[@hartthorn]

@gehadamr4137 Nah. No heads up is required. If they're bigots, then THEY should suffer the embarrassment. They should have to deal with their daughter having to end a relationship because of them. Zero wiggle room. This shit is so ancient news anyone not on the same page deserves the shame. Like, it's up there with still caring about miscegenation.

[@ignorant1126]

@@hartthorn The one about the two dads is kind of iffy. Of course the boyfriend is not in the wrong- it's not his fault that society is heteronormative and when you talk about 'parents' the immediate thought is a man and woman. But at the same time, who knows what his girlfriend's family will think about that? If this happened to me, my parents would act civil to their faces but tell me immediately after how 'sinful' that is, how I should break up with the boy because they don't think that's right. That's the fault of the family and not him, again, but overall he should've said something because: 1. If they are bigots, well, he'll know. And he can quietly consider what to do about that in his own terms, not in the moment in front of others. and 2. Saying nothing puts his dads in a very awkward situation. Growing up with two dads would've opened his eyes up to heteronormativity at least a little bit. I'm confident this isn't the first time he's had a person he knows meet his parents and feel surprised. He's not blind to the fact that having gay parents is rare, he would be aware of that. Society is full of bigots, we're slowly changing that but we still have to make adjustments in the modern day to accommodate that sucky truth Overall, he's not an asshole, but definitely socially unaware. It's a moment of uncomfortable human error without a person who's clearly in the wrong. No one to blame it on but the society we live in (just my opinion ofc. this subreddit is all about subjectivity and this is my subjective read on it. feel free to disagree haha)

[@gehadamr4137]

@@hartthorn i’m not saying the heads up should be there to spare the parents the embarrassment. i meant it to spare the gay parents, the boyfriend and the girlfriend having to sit through that. i dont care about bigot parents but i’m saying this in regards of others. also just because its normal where you live, doesnt mean it is everywhere else. the internet makes it seem like the world has changed but it hasnt

[@amberrichards2778]

My wedding cost $300. It was a magical day, and a beautiful venue (a public park, free). I didn't need any transphobes there to "help pay for it". The point is the MARRIAGE, not the wedding. Been happily married for 6 years (7 next June). The wedding is pretty irrelevant at this point.

[@urahi830]

when my wife and I got married we spent basically the same, and mostly because you still have to pay some fees for the public service in my country, literally the best financial decision of our lives

[@BestFriendsWhoLiveTogether]

I got married in a Quaker meeting house with my family and my partner’s family. No best man or bridal party. It wasn’t a huge affair and I didn’t waste money on a dress that cost a fortune or an overpriced cake.

[@thottusthottusxoxo]

Don’t get me wrong, I definitely do want a gorgeous and somewhat elegant wedding. But I also don’t think of weddings often or even care whether or not I get married; I’m very much open to also just marrying in a flower field with no decorations, just us two (plus maybe some close friends), and afterwards just going out to eat in our wedding attire. I truly do not know what my wedding will/would be like, nor do I care to because as long as my future partner is happy I will be too!

[@Newton-Reuther]

​@@thottusthottusxoxoThat sounds amazing.

[@thottusthottusxoxo]

@@Newton-Reuther thank you I think so too :) sometimes less is more!! The most I’d consider doing is renting out a bar or something and drinking, singing karaoke, and dancing after the ceremony. Or even just go bowling or something (both once I’d changed of course 💀💀)

[@doodlydungeon8576]

Rest peacefully, Milenko. Fly high. Also to Sam, my condolences. Pets are always really hard to lose, and it's rough. Take time for yourself if you need it, we love you.

[@one-onessadhalf3393]

Ha, fly high, cause he was a bird

[@Moth-to-the-flame]

@@one-onessadhalf3393to soon bro 😬

[@bevishhh]

Omg that poor trans kid at 8:13 💔 I really hope she’s doing okay. She has the best Mom I’m so glad she has a great family around her to keep her safe.

[@ATTACKofthe6STRINGS]

And the cousin is a boss, too. Kicked out for standing up against family for his family. Not a hard decision, given the child’s privacy is what is at stake here, but still a stressful situation requiring integrity and strength to handle.

[@michaelreed7881]

I straight up bawled at that story

[@Artifying]

It’s so heartwarming to actually see parents protecting their trans kids. It really sucks that she basically HAD to out her kid. I honestly wouldn’t have posted about it given that that might put the girl later on when she doesn’t want to.

[@fancydeer]

So the homophobic girlfriend story is wild. Bro has a dad and a stepdad and sis literally said "this shit is too much for me I'm out". Like wtf.

[@someonethereQ]

the theory a lot of people have is her parents could've been homophobic and she wanted to avoid a scene

[@comfysage]

@@someonethereQ i truly hope that was the case. but if it were she probably would have told/texted him about it... but she didn't

[@daniellethompson3725]

ALWAYS answer ALL questions of children in an honest, kind, and age-appropriate way. That is exactly what the OP did in that story. Lying and hiding things from children only makes them more confused later on, and that confusion can turn to fear, hatred, bigotry- you name it. I hate when people try to hide real life from their children like they wont learn about it one way or another

[@nyandoesthings]

idk what the parents wanted him to do. Gaslight the kid?

[@complainer406]

With parents like that making their kids bigots is the goal

[@IPutKittensInMicrowaves]

I love how the last girl talks about how difficult her position is, when what her sister is going through is 100x worse.

[@quisait5794]

OP in the last one gets to choose who she wants to lose, the sister loses no matter what, it’s just a matter of how much she loses, and it’s not even up to her, it’s awful

[@lucykitsune4619]

But you must consider her position!!!!! She has been doing the bare minimum even despite sometimes being criticized for doing so and nobody has given her a gold star, complimentary belly rubs or a nobel prize for being such a wonderful person. Honestly her sister should be glad she got to be invited to the zoom party! (Sarcasm)

[@Sassafrazz132]

If I had a kid, and they were trans, and 1. Some punk walked in on them while peeing - id be calling out the brat’s parents for not teaching their kid privacy and respecting boundaries 2. Suddenly everyone felt entitled to knowing my kids genitals before entering their house Id be screaming p*do. In fact I’d report the whole lot of them. There is no justification for wanting to know what a child has going on down south. I remember being taught about a “no-no square” in elementary, and I feel like we should bring that back. Unless you’re a pediatric doctor, you should have no thoughts about my kids body.

[@waffles3629]

"I couldn't actually say no to my parents because then they wouldn't have come to my smaller wedding and that'd have been worse" So you choose your transphobic parents over your trans sister, and are marrying a transphobic man, and you still think you're supportive of your sister? Yeah, fuck that, YTA.

[@rogue_carlisle6167]

no, she's not. it's not her fault that her partner is transphobic. and not everyone can afford to pay for marriage, wtf

[@waffles3629]

@@rogue_carlisle6167 a marriage license is like $40. Yes, weddings can be expensive, getting married is not. It's not her fault her partner is transphobic, but you can't choose to marry a transphobic person and be an ally. That would be like marrying a white supremacist and saying you believe black people deserve equal rights. Actions speak louder than words.

[@rogue_carlisle6167]

@@waffles3629 yes you can be marrying a transphobic person and still be an ally. why do you want her to just have marriage? many people want to have a good wedding, it's a pretty big occasion and a dream thing for some people. and if she likes/loves him why won't she marry her?, is him being trans going to affect her?. it's selfish of someone to want their sister to give up on her partner and her wedding because he's transphobic. actions?, why aren't talking about how she was supporting her after the fact that the parents were completely against it. ain't no one should give up their wedding because that one person they are marrying to is transphobic/homophobic. if that was the case then why aren't people getting divorced if their partner is phobic to the gay/trans. their would be mass divorces if that was the case

[@waffles3629]

@@rogue_carlisle6167 no, just no. If you are marrying a transphobic person you are not an ally.

[@vuivraalbastra]

@@rogue_carlisle6167 How is she supporting her sister when she is doing what her parents want and breaking her promise to her sister? By calling her the right name and pronouns and nothing else, not even correcting other people about it? If I call my cis female bestfriend her actual name and pronouns, but let everyone around me call her horrible things and uninviting her from my life events, does that count as me being her ally or as me being a coward and only doing the bare minimum when it's easy? Also I don't even understand your last question. Most people who marry bigots are at best people who don't mind LGBT+ people existing, which is not the same as actively supporting them, or are bigots themselves. Besides, there are people who divorce their partner over their kid coming out and the parents having very different reactions, so it's not like people never divorce their bigoted partner. You are trying to frame this as "well, she doesn't have any choice but to abandon her sister" which is not true. She has choices, she just doesn't like the consequences of the choices who would actually support her sister. You can make that her choice, but then you can't still pretend to be an ally. The fact that you keep commenting this way makes me think you are relating to that person one way or another, and if that's the case I ask you to listen to the community you are saying you support about what being an ally to them means instead of assuming what is enough to do for it.

[@saltedbuttercups]

I don't understand why all these people with trans family members would even date, let alone marry, a transphobe? I don't even have any trans family members and I would never date a transphobe. I could also never imagine dating someone who hates my siblings, and I'm not even that close with my siblings.

[@amandas3307]

I get really annoyed when people say they're really supporting by using people's preferred pronouns and name. Like that's the bare minimum, that's basic human empathy.

[@seileen1234]

Yes but actually no. Yes it should be, but no it isn't because socially speaking being openly supportive put a target on you in the eyes of bigots and ignorant. You can't just dismiss the consequences when the bigots are your family, given they can absolutely cut you off just for being supportive. I totally understand why it's annoying, but empathy goes both ways and this constant trashing and purity testing on allies is nonsensical and needs to stop.

[@Barichter74318]

What even is the point of a big wedding in the last post? Like, isnt an intimate party with your loved ones more meaningful than spending ridiculous amount of money on something like that just to not invite someone important to you because of asshole parents?Not to mention the fiance sounds like an asshole. Also RIP to Milenko

[@hawkeyescoffee6399]

Especially as it sounds like the parents only offered to pay for and plan it in order to have the control over keeping their trans daughter from coming, something that should have been blatantly obvious to the OP and a point at which she told them to shove their wedding. That said, it sounds to me like she isn't half the ally she claims to be if she is happy to marry a man who is also transphobic by the sound of it. Same thing goes for the woman who married a homophobe even though her brother (that she is supposedly close to) is gay. If I had a sibling who was black I would never marry a racist, so why would it be acceptable to them when it comes to homophobes and transphobes.

[@rennyforyourthoughts8023]

Having her be the only person in the family to care and support her sister and saying "I'll invite you to the wedding whenI get married" and then for her not to is such a betrayal it's unreal. #ally tho it's really hard for her I'm sure.

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

They would most likely lose all the support they have. Family, friends, fiance. While the “right” choice was to stand by her sister, she is in an impossible situation where she has to lose everything and some people can’t mentally afford to do that. I don’t think she’s an asshole. Just trapped with little way out.

[@HallucinatingHedgehogs]

@@shadamyandsonamyloverI was looking for this take. I agree I think the situation is more nuanced than ppl are saying. Also on top of the ppl and support she’ll lose socially and financially. She’s being asked to pick between her parents and maybe even fiancé and her own sister. That’s an impossible decision to make for a lot of people. We all know the right choice but it doesn’t make it easy or a tenable situation.

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

@@HallucinatingHedgehogs unfortunately nuance is something not often considered in Reddit posts. Life sucks sometimes. I feel bad for OP and her sister. Being the only supportive person around is hard, maybe not in the same ostracizing way as her sister but OPs still carrying a massive burden around and no one deserves that. For sure her family are assholes for being unsupportive in the first place and putting her in that position.

[@azarahwagner2749]

🕊💜💜💜🕊 The story @ 7:40 got me crying. I was forced by my parents to not tell family members abroad that I am trans . It’s always about lies , I was comfortable enough to come out but it was the “ you are selfish and only care about how you feel “ was what I got from my parents. And it’s not about “ gender stuff “ it’s about how they feel embarrassed of me . The last story got me too . If my fiancé loved me 💯 ( pretending I was straight) we would just go to the justice of the Peace and get hitched with my trans sister present.

[@Barichter74318]

Reading your story got me emotional as well. Hope you are doing better now

[@azarahwagner2749]

@@Barichter74318 I’ve worked through tons of therapy and was fortunate to find therapists that helped me.

[@waffles3629]

Yeah, like skip the big expensive wedding and do it with your sister present. Spend the money on something else instead (or just save it, life is expensive). Also like, how supportive can you be of your sister if you are marrying a guy who doesn't agree with her existence?

[@berrysnowyboy5251]

damn I felt that (with the first paragraph, but legitimately in different flavours from family at times, even though only parents have come around)

[@missnaomi613]

Please accept some mama hugs. 💙💗🤍💗💙

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Rest in Peace Milenko! Thank you for all the joy you’ve given to the person who in turn gives us so much joy ❤

[@KalinTheZola]

While I dont think the person having a wedding is an ass for wanting their transman sibling to be part of her side of the ceremony, I DO think they're being a petty ass for saying the person they claim they've wanted to be part of their ceremony from the beginning suddenly isnt welcome while not trying to understand dysphoria and being unwilling to work with them on that.

[@rattling.casket]

Frl. I've seen a lot of opposite-gendered folks stand with the other spouse's party. Regardless of whether they Do or Don't go to the events with that half,, they can at least STAND with his party. Especially if they don't pass and might get mistaken as a lesbian by standing with the bride in a suit.

[@FoxGameCZ]

Uninviting them because he won't do what she wanted is def asshole move

[@botanicalitus4194]

Agreed . Who cares which side the guy is standing on, if it helps alleviate dysphoria then its such a small compromise from op. Just let him stand on the grooms side literally who cares lol no one is even gonna notice

[@Caitlin_TheGreat]

I suspect it was a conversation that become more and more emotionally escalated until the rather brash decision of uninviting him. Something that it seems like they regret. And ideally the two of them could have worked it out. Just now, I was thinking: well, why not _swap_ one of the (I assume) cis-gender guys to be a bridesman and let your brother be on your fiancé's side. It's only for a few moments really. You keep the aesthetic balance while being considerate of your brother _and_ keep your brother as part of the ceremony which is probably pretty darn important even with the argument having occurred. Of course, personally I don't care about such ceremonies. It's ultimately about the bond between the two people and the nitty gritty details of the ceremony are moot -- it just matters that it's pleasant for all involved because you want it to be a good memory shared with people you care about. ... I think it's less that she's the asshole and more that she needs to gain some more adult wisdom in matters like this. The petty details aren't nearly as important as the people involved and being considerate to one another and understanding of what's important to them as well as to yourself.

[@justhereforfun7288]

He wasn't uninvited, she just said he couldn't be part of the wedding party, which consists of the bride, groom, groomsman and bridesmaids. I don't think either party is bad for feeling the way they feel, but ultimately if you don't wanna do something for your sister on her big day, you can just not do it at all. The brother doesn't really have a relationship with her fiance so that's another person to add in to the mix as well.

[@k4nd1incyb3rsp4c3]

I'll never understand why people think weddings are an excuse to just act entirely deranged. "no you guys, I don't have to be a good person this week because I'm gonna wear a white dress and throw a party!"

[@David_Apollonius]

"Why marry a transphobic guy?" This is something I just can't understand. This person is going to be the father of your children! (Okay, maybe.) What do you think he'll do if your child would come out? How do you think he'll react? Do you really think he'll be a good father to your children?

[@dee_is_tired]

rip Milenko 💛💚 also really fucked up that the sister in the story chose to marry a raging homophobe while having a gay brother

[@LMD123-u6z]

Rip and fr

[@BlackKoshka23]

Regarding that story of the transgender daughter being outed by her cousin, I'd say to that mother (the aunt, I mean): less worrying about what other people's genitals and more teaching your daughter not to walk in the bathroom while others are inside, especially if she didn't ask for permission! Knocking on the door and asking is not that hard of a concept for a kid to grasp, I think.

[@anothercub6958]

Parents who say that we're "confusing the kids" talking to them about the existence of queer people, but have they ever been to a school before? None of that shit makes sense the first time you hear it. Almost like confusion is a part of learning something new Istg these people are the same kinds of parents teachers dread recieving a call from bc they knew it's gonna be some bs.

[@yessica5231]

The more Sam videos I watch, the more he reminds me of some victorian era paper boy who smart talks his way into a wealthy family that adopts him. Despite this, his favorite food is still onion soup, bread, and cheese.

[@cloverrenea1572]

i think you're right

[@fredskull1618]

RIP MILENKO As a father of three daughters, I've come to recognize the intricate and evolving dynamics of growing up in today's society. Teens form deep bonds, and for those who identify as queer, these bonds might suggest more than just friendship, creating a tension when discussing with parents. The concept of family is multifaceted. A child with two fathers represents another valid family structure, and any unfamiliarity from outsiders shouldn't overshadow the inherent love within that family. If one of my daughters were to come out as trans before a vacation, my concerns would be for her emotional well-being and the challenges of suppressing her true identity. Every child deserves to live authentically, and understanding this is crucial for parents in our contemporary world.

[@msjkramey]

My best friend had a bridesman at her wedding. He was *her* friend, so she stood on *her* side. He's cis and borderline gender apathetic though so i can see him caring less than a trans man

[@electronics-girl]

I'm trans and I wouldn't mind being a groomsmaid, but of course everyone is different and different things will give them dysphoria.

[@nyandoesthings]

@@electronics-girl i'm trans and personally it would depend on whose wedding for me. My sister? I'll be a bridesman. I'll stand on her side with her, though I doubt she will ever have a big traditional-ish marriage ceremony (not her style). Anyone else? Then it depends on if there are other bridesmen/groomsmaids. I'm not gonna be the only person on the ""wrong"" side.

[@norikadolmy7274]

To the people on reddit not understanding why they are the asshole-- just replace the word trans or gay with black, and replace transphobic or homophobic with racist. Then you might get some idea how unnaceptable and inappropriate it isbto exclude people over something they cant control

[@waffles3629]

In some scenarios you can even swap gay for straight and trans for cis. Like "Am I the asshole for telling my nephew that straight people exist?" is obviously wrong.

[@sagieaesir13]

Unfortunately a lot of it is because those people believe that being queer is a choice. which it's obviously not, people just do not care about learning new things

[@missnaomi613]

@@sagieaesir13 an increasingly popular opinion (which I share) is that those who think sexuality is a choice are attracted to multiple genders and THEY are making a choice to ignore part of that.

[@clowncargaming8046]

​@@missnaomi613What does that mean?

[@strawberrysolar9086]

@@clowncargaming8046 people who say being gay is a choice usually say that because they are making the conscious decision to repress their queer desires of being attracted to more than one gender and choose to live as a "straight" person.

[@therewillbecatswithgwenhwyfar]

SECRETLY A BOY! 🤬 I love that she has such a supportive parent and family! What a shitty thing for that other person to say after haircut is the one that barged in on someone else using the toilet!

[@therewillbecatswithgwenhwyfar]

13:30 oh my gosh please… Please take your kid to a psychologist to find out what kind of damage is happening to them because of things they are being exposed to… Like homophobia!

[@therewillbecatswithgwenhwyfar]

15:22 how fucking generous of you. I'm gonna keep listening but I'm leaning toward OP's the asshole!

[@mxsimone1097]

I'm so sorry for the loss of Milinko, may he rest in peace. in regards to the post about the trans daughter and the family vacation, why shouldn't she get to enjoy her family vacation while being her authentic self? I feel that the best case scenario is that she remembers it as an okay vacation that happened before she got to start really living her life, and worst case is she remembers it as a miserable and dysphoric experience. if the family is really "the opposite" of transphobic, then it shouldn't be a problem that she's trans edit to talk about the next story: the people who feel deceived over not having been told the daughter was trans- transphobic even if they don't think they are. it's not deceitful to not disclose that someone else's gender identity and presentation doesn't match their genitals, particularly in the case of children.

[@TarisLuna]

If you are that homophobic, why would you even ask your gay brother / BIL, who is in a several years long relationship, to babysit? I don't get those people!

[@thatonebraziliancity822]

I have two moms, I don’t know what it’s like any other way. People have always treated that subject weird and insist that I have a father when I don’t?? I never understood, it literally doesn’t fucking matter.

[@cynister7384]

Reminds me of how people sometimes act almost sad when I say I don't have a dad because my mom raised me by herself. They act as if it's some bad thing, like I'm supposed to miss him or something when he's a literal stranger.

[@marmolejomartinezjoseemili9043]

You dont ask an adopted person about their bio parents, so why tell a person with same gender parents about their bio diferent gender parent or bio parents?

[@jello9739]

why is the last op getting married to someone that openly dislikes her sister and her "choices". If OP was truly supportive of her sister she should ditch her transphobic fiance and parents and go find someone to marry who accepts her sister and have a smaller wedding they can fund without asshole money

[@bevishhh]

Shall we all chip in and get the last poster a sticker, she clearly deserves a sticker.

[@bevishhh]

/s/jk/whatatit

[@cerbera_22]

The op in the last post even SAID that she knew her fiancee was transphobic and she, just, continued dated him??! And she gets mad that people say shes the ass??? I think the reason this makes me so mad is my sister is married and her husband is super nice! And if he was rude to me and my other sister, they would've broken up!!!

[@bevishhh]

@@cerbera_22 right?? Should be an easy choice. I’m glad your sister chose a nice guy :)

[@haezrachiharmony5463]

I didn't even know you had a budgie, as a fellow trans guy parrot lover, sending comfort. Losing a bird is so hard.

[@insomnial8153]

The one with the trans daughter whose cousin walked into the bathroom is an amazing parent, it's so sweet to support her since such a young age and not out her and prioritize taking care of her over anything else after that incident. They handled that in the best way and I wish every parent was like this

[@mokaakashiya9318]

Rest in peace Milinko! Parakeets are the best. I’m sorry for your loss. ❤️

[@sammymb07]

7:43 "we all just want to be able to have a nice vacation" except for you daughter apparently

[@rainbowtropolis]

R.I.P Milenko 😢 My boyfriend asked me if I could hold off my transition until his mom died (she's homophobic, and didn't want her son to "look gay" because he was dating me. UGH. I finally told him no, I'm doing this for ME, not your mom! We've grown apart as a couple, but are still good friends.

[@m_k8298]

I am very sorry for the passing of your parakeet Milinko...a big hug to you

[@waffles3629]

My spawn points won't let me come out to my extended family. Now I am an adult and they technically can't stop me, but they do own my car (that I paid them for), so I'd lose my only transportation if I do. They refer to this as "our little agreement". Yeah, like I had a choice. Originally they also could've threatened my health insurance (and I'm chronically ill so that would be bad to not have), but now I'm off that. Most of my cousins know though, at least the ones I actually know. I'm not even the only trans cousin.

[@Mandrake_root]

Poor birdy, I'm sure he died happy. For the wedding one, she's not an a****** but I feel like it definitely is the case of cis people not noticing how othering being trans can feel. It's not that bridesman aren't becoming a more common thing, it's that he would obviously be the only man on the bride's side, and there would be no women on the groom side. He would stand out as the anomaly. That's a big ask.

[@J2nce]

This is exactly what I was thinking! Some trans people are fine standing out, but for some, all they want is to feel normal, like the rest of the guys. I wouldn't mind being a bridesman myself, but if anyone asked me when I first came out I would probably turn down the offer. He even wanted to be one of the groomsmen, he WANTED to participate, so honestly I think she's the asshole.

[@KyrieFortune]

idk man, to me it's weird that it's weird to have a bridesman - where I come from there is always a bridesman and a groom's maid of honor

[@TheDualHero15]

For all the transphobes in the comments: My parents were extremely homophobic and I fought them on their bigotry many times. It was not a solo effort but the result was that my parents were able to stand proudly with my brother while he married his husband. The person in the story is an AH and not a true ally. Edit: I forgot to mention that my partner is from a homophobic country and I made it clear she had to accept him to be with me and despite her knowing only of hateful propaganda, she unlearned her conscious homophobia but unfortunately and a warning to everyone, no one is immune to propaganda.

[@MoonCorvid]

Dude you look so good in pink! :0 also rip Milenko 🕊️

[@fruithippie]

That last one- the transphobic husband probably thinks that clitoris is a constellation.

[@slsthewriter1299]

To the little girl who got her privacy in the bathroom totally invaded: was…the family not there during the pregnancy? Or the first couple years of the child's life when she couldn't talk and say she was a girl?? And the year when she was, but it took that year to realize she was a girl? I'm. Confused.

[@sk8rboy]

99% of these stories are fake dont sweat the details lol

[@avicdear6529]

Rest in peace Milenko, my wee budgie Niko passed two nights ago as well. Its terrible and their absence is felt so strongly, hope you're alright ❤

[@Ohmygod_neilciccerega]

I'm sorry about Niko :( even tho i'm six days late, hope ur okay :3

[@Sicara91]

As someone who had a wedding reception paid for by my mom I would have turned my back on every penny if she tried to tell be who can or cannot be invited. I understand overbearing parents, and I'm sure if my mom didn't have 3 weddings of her own she would have been trying to control mine, but I started to stand my ground at 15 and this woman needs to grow up. Although it is very telling that she is putting in minimum effort and is marrying a transphobe

[@rogue_carlisle6167]

the last one is fine

[@halleelizabeth]

RIP baby❤❤❤ & y would he have to tell her his parents r gay 😂😂😂weirddd

[@yakuzaman5074]

Exactly 😂

[@BlackGuardXIII]

The thing I like best about Sam and his AITA answers is that every one comes from a place of love. I agreed with him every time. ❤️

[@raylol4291]

bro was talking lawsuits bc he told a 5 year old "some boys like boys and some girls like girls, and that's ok" WHATS WRONG WITH THAT

[@meshadoesstuff]

RIP Milenko, I hope you're okay, Sam. 🤍

[@RockMuncherTheShark]

R.i.p meliko. I’m sure they were a great pair of cleats😔

[@evarinagarmguardian113]

What's funny is that the situation with the 5 year old was almost actually what happened with me. I have 2 younger siblings who were, at the time, the same age as the girl and I said almost word for word what op did: sometimes girls like and marry girls and boys like and marry boys. When my mom found out what I told them, she flipped out at me and told me it was too grown for them/inapporpriate and that I'm not the parent (despite having a lot of parental responsibilities with them) and don't have the authority to tell them. Next day we were taught, by her, about how God let Abraham have 2 wives. Yeah. I won't even touch the topic of transpeople with my siblings, even though I know that not doing so will cause more harm than good.

[@colorbugoriginals4457]

13+ years old? Milenko must have been well-cared for ❤️ so sorry for your loss. hold on to the memories 🪽

[@ValdrVideo]

Jesus, the family one with the daughter and the bathroom makes me so happy that I only have 3 friends and no family. I can't imagine ever feeling the need to explain myself or my children to anyone, much less people who think that protecting your child's privacy is "betraying" them.

[@Lileya]

Rest in peace, Milenko! 🌈 Sorry for your loss, Sam, stay strong! ❤

[@lucykitsune4619]

"I don't want my vacation being ruined by this gender stuff", they said, implying that they are perfectly happy and okay with letting their daughters vacation be ruined by this gender stuff

[@ambereagleswood1429]

RIP Milenko! Im so sorry for your loss! Big hugs dude! Milenko looked happy and loved

[@projectproxy]

Condolences for Milenko. Grief is one of the hardest emotions to process, please take care of yourself! On a different note, I really love your outfit & aesthetics you got going on right now. In the far future (once I transition like you) I hope to be comfortable enough to also wear similar things without feeling dysphoric about it. Thank you for always giving me hope and being someone to look up to. We need more people like you in this world

[@Adamant_Adam]

As someone who is out to only a select group of people in my family, (that number growing more and more behind my back these days lol) That vacation story really got to me. While I (personally, imo) can appreciate the parent's foresight of not wanting it to be a problem for the whole vacation, (Because personally, being trans is a personal thing and while I don't hate educating people, I just want to enjoy my vacation. And I HAVE had to stop what should be a fun time to express deeply personal points in my life to validate myself as a trans guy to people in my family.) However, the second the daughter expressed her wishes to come out on her vacation, they should have let her that choice. If I were those parents, I would have advised my daughter to at least give them the heads up before hand. It's okay if not, but in my own experience, it can be overwhelming coming out to a group all at once. depending on the family, I might have even asked the parents of the younger family members attending the vacation to take the time beforehand to educate themselves and their children so that it wouldn't be a "problem"/constant topic during the time we should all be spending care-free time together. Idk. Maybe not exactly the Asshole, but could have been handled MUCH better. Hope that girl is okay, and ultimately did get to go on vacation with her family, and DID have the chance to be herself.

[@kareng743]

I consider red flags as signs pointing to "danger ahead"... being transfobic IS the danger, not the red flag. So staying with a person upto the point of accepting a proposal KNOWING they are transfobic just says you don't really care about it.

[@rogue_carlisle6167]

no it doesn't. she was very supportive of her. why would she not marry that person if she really likes him?. her partner is transphobic not her, will that thing affect anything in the later time?, if she really liked him why won't she marry him. and parents accepted for wedding, which she can't afford.

[@janethall5923]

Rest well Milenko! 13 is such an incredible age for a parakeet it says well of how loved he was, he couldn't have asked for a better home or friend in you Sam~

[@ChrimsonFoxdon]

RIP Milenko

[@anderlol_..]

Rip milenko 😔 also yay another Sam video!!

[@robyyyne]

Super worried because I've been out to my family as queer for two years now and my ""dad"" has no clue and is incredibly homophobic and is gonna be invited to my sister's wedding, despite causing all of us, including her, trauma in various ways. Like I get that it's her wedding but I genuinely do not wish to be in the same room as him for a whole day. But I also love my sister to death. :')

[@Ohmygod_neilciccerega]

unrealted bro but rise pfp hello

[@HF-rr6kt]

I completely understand how you feel regarding Milenko. My bird passed away getting close to a year ago now and crushed me for a long while. Still dealing with the feelings even now. I hope everyone here has helped even a little bit.

[@basketchaos]

Rest in peace, Milenko 💚 My emotional support animal passed away 9 days ago as well. It hurts and I miss him, but he knew it was his time. I’m fairly certain Milenko and Koshka wouldn’t exactly be friends (Koshka being a cat), but I’m sure they’ve each found places to wait for us.

[@bevishhh]

Love beams to Milenko ❤ fly high lil dude. And love beams to you too, Sam. I lost my doggo, Daisy recently and it’s super rough. Hope you’re doing ok as can be 💕

[@delraycoles6145]

Definitely a better day when you upload. R.I.P to your dear friend.

[@yourmothershusband24]

RIP Milenko🙏🙏🙏 (is he named after the ICP album or am i digging in to deep)

[@haz.fellie]

Re: Conservative family story - when you're given an ultimatum , pick the person who didn't put you in a difficult position. (aka the person who didn't give you the ultimatum)

[@msjkramey]

I don't know that that's always the case. Sometimes an "ultimatum" is setting boundaries and is an okay thing to do. This wasn't the case here tho

[@haz.fellie]

​@@msjkramey Sure, there are exceptions to just about every rule. There's no need to list all the exceptions though, especially in a youtube comment.

[@botanicalitus4194]

honestly in this story even that rule is unnecessarily charitable to the famiIy because even if they didnt issue an uItimatum they suck for treating OP's sister Iike shesdiseased . A better ruIe for this situation imo is aIways pick the side that isnt fuII ofbigots

[@OglethorpeJConniption]

I'm sorry for Milenko's passing. I know many of us can relate. Losing a pet ALWAYS sucks, but when they have been such a large part of our lives. I hope your amazing birdie rests in peace. Sending you love and peace, and calm to remember the happy & positive memories with your birdie boy (The nickname I called my two male parakeets.) Good luck, Sam. Gentle hugs from Florida. 😔

[@jessicak1693]

Oof. That last ones hard from me because I have a very overbearing father and I know how intense the anxiety can be when you want so badly to say no, but feel like you don't have an option. However, I wouldn't be marrying someone who's transphobic anyway and I don't even know anyone irl who's trans. It's about being a caring and understanding person and that guy isn't it. So yes the asshole, but I do feel you on the overbearing parents. And dump him, ew.

[@lemonadelunacy3291]

Aw I'm so sorry about milenko 😢 I bet you gave him a wicked awesome life❤❤❤

[@soyolophie]

My god, I hope that little trans kid is okay. What an awful thing to happen to her.

[@thequeenv6227]

Rest easy Milenko. Sorry for your loss Sam

[@Starsongzz]

I wish I had the mental/emotional bandwidth to care about such minute things like some of these people, bro do people not have taxes to file? Like bro let people just do what’s comfortable within reason, if you seriously got a problem with people existing differently than you, then you need more bills in your life and I’ll gladly send you mine.

[@infectiousmoth]

rest in peace milenko :[

[@felixhenson9926]

I feel awful for that poor little girl who was essentially forcefully outed to more or less their entire community after having previously never having had to deal with overt transphobia because she was stealth :/

[@vengefulsouls]

I STILL LOBE YOU SAM.

[@EternalDensity]

generally the people worried they might be the asshole and might have done something wrong aren't the asshole, while the people who feel guilty about they did and want reddit to tell them that it was actually okay and justified are the asshole

[@thepianoplayerkid4726]

Rip Milinko. ❤️❤️ I’m sorry for your lost. 🫂

[@heartsteme8329]

The woman who's mad that the OP didn't out their daughter is literally insane. Like first of all, that's not on her to do anyways and second of all who tf would talk about their child's genitals with other people? It's WEIRD af to be mad about that

[@Bookitty07]

I'm sorry for your loss! Even when its there time its just never easy. Thank you for making great content, I look forward to your next video!

[@jayzepickle6637]

My family recently had to go to my grandmother's funeral. We rarely see our extended family and they arent aware that my sister is trans. She hasnt changed her name, but still being reffered to by the wrong pronouns couldnt be easy. She is generally out about her identity but my mom had a discussion with her about not coming out due to the complications of my uncle being incredibly homophobic and transphobic and the fact its my grandmas funeral. My sister agreed and we went there. I felt inanely uncomfortable refering to my sister by the wrong pronouns so I stuck with using no pronouns when reffering to her. I made sure to check in as much as i could with her that shes ok. And i think my uncle suspects something since my sister has grown her hair out and my uncle tried to get her to do "manly" things like drinking a ton of beers and going on an electric bike. But it kinda just passed anyways. Its morally weird to have to do that, since she shouldn't have to be misgendered by her own family and have to hide herself like that. My mom expressed that she would cut off her brother if it came down to it but she just needed to be with her family for the funeral so idk.

[@crazydragy4233]

I suppose the grandmother is a stranger to your sister? That's such a weird categorisation of family IMO... I understand not wanting drama but asking your children to literally hide so you can grieve with someone who hates your child is odd...

[@mollierose9833]

rest in peace, Milenko. thank you for being a best friend to Sam

[@stiras1]

The last one annoyed me. The person admits that her fiance doesn't like her sister and sides with the parents, and that he doesn't want her sister at the wedding. Why would she marry this asshole? If she truly loves her sister, she wouldn't marry someone who didn't make an effort to get to know her.

[@najahkhalil1854]

may he rest in peace i’m sorry for you loss ❤️❤️❤️🪽

[@Truffle85]

That was fun! I like your point about 'don't come on Reddit if you don't wanna get dragged.' (Also, the nails look good!)

[@aquestforthetruth1653]

6:32 she may not of been she may of just known that her parents were and she didn’t want things to go badly because of them. Sure she handled it badly no matter what. But innocent until proven guilty please.

[@Nayru...]

I was thinking that too!

[@aquestforthetruth1653]

@aether6333 yeah “she handled it badly”

[@esbenm6544]

The way that mom explains it makes it sound like she's affraid the vacation will turn into a week-long Powerpoint presentation on being trans