2 Prices Paid When Narcissists Are Vindictive

As frustrations with narcissists pile up, they can't let go and they certainly don't grow and learn. Instead, they become vindictive. When that happens, there is a cost. Dr. Les Carter explains that actually there are two prices that are paid due to their vindictiveness. One is paid by you, then the other is paid by the narcissist.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his KZbin channel, his videos have received more than 120 million views.
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[@brucefriedman1]

Narcissists feel they are able to get away with being vindictive because they know hardly anyone believes the fall guy is innocent.

[@loveoneanother881]

Their perception of the target was defined by the narcissist and their enablers. It's impossible to change their views with the truth.

[@francesbernard2445]

I believe you now. After finding out on the KZbin channel called, "Love Fraud Lessons" that many of us women have ended up in more than one relationship where we ended up being the fall guy now I believe that the narcissist most often second time around after not being able to prove domestic violence took place the first time around then chose us the second time around. Before I heard from Donna from "Love Fraud Lessons" about that I was blaming myself most.

[@t_nels]

When you started with this dynamic as a child you feel very unheard. There is hell to pay when you point things out.

[@t_nels]

​@@francesbernard2445Great point. I left my first husband before aggressive physical abuse (any beating) occurred. I left because I wanted more for my daughter. I had no choice. It wasn't until I married that he went into physical abuse with his girlfriend in the presence of our daughter. Nobody could believe it until they saw it. It sounds like good insight.

[@timmywitty1432]

@@francesbernard2445 l love Love Fraud, Donna is a great teacher.

[@patriciajoseph3035]

Cruel to the core. No soul, heart or conscience.

[@leonieollinger907]

Vorallem kein Gewissen und sind Profis in der Schuldumkehr

[@michelepascoe6068]

Their soul is corrupted by their evil choices

[@cymbolichuman433]

Never reveal your secrets to these people. They'll get drunk and call everyone who will listen to tell your secrets. Don't trust them with your belongings, they'll trash it. Don't trust your children with them, they'll talk about you like you're a monster! As soon as you know them, don't trust them.

[@Greenwings701]

The smallest thing! And the other sad thing is that yo can no longer be open with friends, relatives, and acquaintances. Even the most innocent thing will get shared and bloody twisted.

[@jmj5388]

The thing is, it’s too late by the time the personality disorder is exposed.

[@yukio_saito]

So true.

[@yukio_saito]

@@jmj5388 That's why it's essential to trust intuition and detect early red flags. It's too late when you have enough evidence of who they are. 😮

[@annahutchins5325]

@jmj5388 true, very true👍

[@loveoneanother881]

The price I paid was my entire extended family who targeted me for financial and mental ruin. They almost won. Six years..... I'm still paying. But, I think I've become a badass. I'm not going back.

[@camillepatterson6849]

It is difficult not to hate the narcissist and flying monkeys. I had to make the willful decision to pity them for their bad childhood. It doesn't excuse the behavior, but it gives a reason for it. Forgiveness does not require reconciliation.

[@cecillebalignasay7358]

Yes, true. Forgive. But stay away from them!

[@yukio_saito]

They and enablers mix up forgiveness and reconciliation. It's not necessary to tell them you forgave them.

[@pennylynch913]

I can relate to the hate. U feel it alright!

[@jameshammond3853]

Grace is of The Lord 🎉

[@camarwalker5876]

Hate initially then, pity. But you can never let them close again.

[@susanbennetttellstales7998]

Sadictive = sadistic + vindictive. Dr. C. made a new word and boy is it a good one!

[@susanbennetttellstales7998]

Also "saddictive" would work - addicted to sadism.

[@bobb.6393]

Ok, it's a print

[@aurorapurcell946]

@@susanbennetttellstales7998 wow. I'm new here but this word is perfect description of what I couldn't put in words...

[@bellanegrin3915]

Financial ruin and friends and family. It takes years to gain them back. Some friends can see right through it, but some cannot.

[@leonieollinger907]

Die meisten Freunde wollen nicht durchschauen, es ist bequemer

[@judysangregorio2787]

Ugh! ENABLERS! The wheel that makes the Narcissist spin! My favorite line of yours Dr C……the Narcissist will sink into their own moral bankruptcy. Hi to Gus!

[@76482]

Been a while since I visited this channel and was just about to post a comment asking about Gus. Thank You!❤

[@InvisibleWarrior279]

Oh my goodness. One of your best. They absolutely cannot keep a lid on their vindictiveness. So in the end you realize your developing instincts about them were right all along. Darkness personified. Run!!

[@barbarascoggins5239]

Truth!

[@aurorapurcell946]

Maybe you can shine your light into their darkness... somehow my light kept this darkness hidden for 10 years until it blowed up and almost took my soul out of me ... didn't see it coming... but I'm still shining no matter what and I can clearly see the darkness now, with knowledge and understanding... ❤

[@dancherylsmith1025]

Our daughter in law gets pleasure watching us suffer as she isolates our son and grandchildren from us. She knows what she’s doing. This has been happening slowly throughout 10 years. We look back and can now remember all of the classic ways she took over our son’s life and as a result, took away our right to have our son and grandchildren in our lives. It’s the most painful thing that has ever happened to us. Dr. Les, I listen to you every day. Your words of wisdom and encouragement have helped us so much. We’ll always walk with a limp, but we’ll live with respect, dignity and civility.

[@sharontalley2155]

I'm sorry for your loss. I went through the same thing with my son's wife. She took my son and my grandchildren away from me. Unfortunately they believed the narcissist when she told them that I was the problem. They lived with me until my son moved them out of my home. They haven't had contact with me for two years and I am now living alone. When I tried to defend myself and tell them that I had done nothing wrong it just made matters worse. It has not been easy but I have managed to survive so far. Like you, I am paying the price for nothing that I did. Have faith and be strong and know that every one of the commenters here have been through the pain and sorrow that you are experiencing. I hope this helps you.

[@dancherylsmith1025]

@@sharontalley2155 Thank you so much for your kind words, helpful words. We haven’t done anything wrong either. I’m so sorry you’re going through the same thing. Take care of yourself and know you’re not alone. Dr. Les has helped us so much. With knowledge comes power and understanding.

[@76482]

Sadly your son is probably her intended victim, not you. She's actually isolating HIM from his support team. Please stay in touch with your son and don't even mention her, just keep checking in to let him know he'll always having loving family. A day will eventually come when he has an epiphany and his win will be to show her that he still has you and your family. ❤

[@MarianneCatherine]

I'm so sorry about what you're going through. I've been going through the same thing with my son for almost 3 years now. You couldn't have imagined anything like this ever happening in your life! Very painful. I'm writing this to give you some hope and encouragement. My son is starting to come back to his senses. I had only seen my granddaughter 4 times since she was born. She'll be 3 in December. To make a long story short, he texted me, and I set up a visit with my son and granddaughter. Keep the faith, keep 🙏 praying, and remember that things are always changing. Ask God to open your son's eyes to her selfish ways! And always have an understanding heart for your son. God bless and good luck! You can never say too many prayers 🙏🙏🙏

[@dancherylsmith1025]

@@76482 Yes, that’s exactly what we’re doing. Thank you so much for your support and great suggestions. Luckily, we are getting help from a wonderful therapist who’s helped us to understand what’s happening. Dr. Les really helps between sessions. Your suggestions are exactly what she’s told us.

[@yukio_saito]

I still have physical symptoms as a consequence of calling them out. It is better to avoid them at any cost than pay high prices for dealing with them. 😖

[@caroleminke6116]

Moral bankruptcy so disengage then stay away

[@DaisyRenee713]

I have same💔

[@yukio_saito]

@@caroleminke6116 Yes.

[@yukio_saito]

@@DaisyRenee713 Sad to hear that.

[@llkellenba]

Yep I’ve made that mistake in an employment situation and it became a relentless nightmare. Ruined my health and end of my career.

[@obscurum6]

They are vicious and cruel.

[@janeyleigh]

They really are.

[@tanyabell7748]

@@obscurum6 COMPLETELY!!!

[@privatejen3590]

When I get upset with difficult persons who are addicted to setting up others to fail them, I try to remember what a wise person has told me: every upset is a set-up for growth. Difficult persons are more interested in 'winning' than learning. Whenever I learn something about myself, I am awakening to who I am becoming and that's a win for me.

[@MarianneCatherine]

Amen to that 🙏 🙏🙏

[@lil--mo2025]

When you are completely broken down and delete and block them, they will move right on with those they were cheating on you with.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I know my health has suffered. And, the ability to stay strong. I'm learning. Thanks, Dr.C and Team Healthy ❤️

[@carolhill8917]

I went no contact with a narc friend for my self-care. Was stressful and exhausting during and after effects with a day of exhaustion. Never experience that with a friend. Didn't know her that long, a couple years.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

​@@carolhill8917Some people just drain your energy. Like vampires

[@SherryWilson-dk7bo]

Love and blessings Amanda 🙌 hope you are taking good care of yourself ❤

[@henrykujawa4427]

@@carolhill8917 For the longest time, whenever I'd get on the phone with my best friend, his first words tended to be... "HOW ARE THEY TREATING YOU THIS WEEK?" He knew how bad it was. So glad I'm not with those 2 home care clients anymore. So looking forward to my NEW agency (I switched offices, the atmosphere in the last one was also becoming increasingly toxic) can find me a steady case soon. Truthfully... Narcs are NOBODY'S "friend". Not even themselves.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@SherryWilson-dk7bo Thank-you Sherry. You too 🫂💕

[@rosieE121]

As I thought safely in the shelter "all that anger and no apology for all his hurting behavior. He has no accountability whatever. So glad I got away."

[@danemartin5674]

Just don't play their game. Arm yourself with knowledge and resolve. Then the game can change...

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Thank-you, Dr. Carter. I was on the receiving end of vindictiveness and I was definitely harmed. I didn't experience vindictiveness until 40 years of marriage. I was shocked and caught off guard because I was in the way of something my ex-husband really wanted. He did enjoy watching me suffer which scared me even more. I really needed this podcast.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So glad it resonated, Jackie.

[@BaraSchmidt]

They will not profit from me ever again! I am refusing to pay that bill! And...Stayin' Healthy!!

[@Greenwings701]

They really do make you a profit center, don't they - one they try to shut down once they'e bled you dry.

[@cindykaufman9806]

Thank you Dr. Carter. You saved my life. Through your videos, I finally understood what was happening in our marriage. After 30 years, I left and am healing from years of abuse.

[@niinakomulainen2255]

I am forever grateful for Dr. Carter ❤️ My eyes are now wide open and my heart wide open for love, honesty and respect. No room for liars and cheaters anymore. I am just writing my divorcepapers and getting out of this madness and neverending insanity. I am glad you found your way out too. Sending you love and blessings ❤

[@henrykujawa4427]

"Narcs love to keep you in a state of chaos" (or words to that effect) RIGHT after the premier video, I was doing my 10 minutes on the stationary bike, and despite how I was in a good mood by the end of the video, I got REALLY incensed and annoyed thinking about my ex-home care clients, whose LUNACY I put up with for 4 years. Dr. C and Team Healthy is a GODSEND, I'm sure, to everyone who joins in. Nobody should have to put up with the kind of stress those people (and I use that word loosely) DELIBERATELY create on a regular, steady, ongoing basis.

[@sanjanabhatia5156]

Moral bankruptcy - well said Dr.C!

[@TruthandJustice-hz9nv]

Absolutely tremendous DR Le's, Thank you so much for this, You're right they triangulate, Pull others in to everything, These two making mountain out of mole hill, Vengeance, Spiteful, Vindictive, They know the truth and I won't let them gaslight, Manipulate and invalidate me, They can choke on their own venoms, I will not lower myself, I'm glad I'm nothing like them :-) Peace, love and respect to you Gus and everyone , Thankyou universe, All glory praise and smiles to the most high :-)

[@teresacastanedacastaneda6555]

Married for 20yrs and found out he was cheating on me, he did not tell me. I have been so angry after the shock of it. Thus is the first time I have heard of the severity of consequences for them and how dead they could turn inside. It has been almost 2 mos since I found out and he acts scared of me. This is so sad and demonic, he is not coming back home though, For Sure.

[@El_Peto]

He didn't tell you he was cheating on you. Were you expecting him to?

[@teresacastanedacastaneda6555]

@@El_Peto I was looking to see why he was attacking me verbally everyday. Stopped kissing me in the mornings and he started hiding his phone. I found sexting texts to another woman from shortly after I had my open heart surgery.

[@lauracoussens6207]

There are dozens, maybe hundreds, of prices paid if you include all of the relationship rifts and shattered dreams over decades.

[@JamieWhitaker-l7b]

My MIL said the most cruel things on a trip we invited her to take with us. Then denied making these passive aggressive comments. Boundaries were discussed before trip to set expectations. Now can’t understand why I want nothing to do with her after lying to all of us for 1.5 yrs about it. Now trying to avoid the hoovering. How do I see this woman at Xmas when she won’t respect boundaries? I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place.

[@kathywilliams1050]

Totally minimize her and neutralize her. Never complain; never explain. You have tried that: it does not work. Do not discuss her with others, even your husband, so there is nothing to get back to her "somehow." Just see her on the prescribed occasions: Mother's Day (make sure the card is saccharine sweet), her birthday, holiday dinners. Have a separate holiday time if possible with your true blues. No need to vacation with anyone who is not good company. Gray rock takes practice but you can do it.

[@SnarkasticSunny]

My MIL destroyed my marriage to ger son... by changing him mostly. Turned him into someone I don't even recognize after 40+ yrs. He's partly to blame, he allowed it. But, she took my olace & then died...a martyr... Left behind a son who can't cope & no longer loves me, just himself & her. I am paying the price, but not sure what for. Dead people get even better everyday. Wish I died & she stayed! So does her son - the 1 thing we have in ommon.

[@NightMystique13]

@@JamieWhitaker-l7b How about setting some boundaries with the MIL? She will only get worse if you allow her to continuously disrespect you. No or low contact is very sanity inducing!!!

[@lijohnyoutube101]

You don’t, you aren’t forced to see people.

[@sithabiledlamini6125]

That "poison " analogy is so apt. Very reflective of how I feel, only didn't have the words for it, or I was scared to describe it that negatively.

[@obscurum6]

They lie and gaslight all the time. 🙄

[@michelepascoe6068]

That is incredibly revealing. So they didn't get away with it after all, even though they died with people believing them, and weren't exposed. Wow. I love that the scapegoat can recover! Especially with Dr C's teaching!

[@AnneReimer]

another way a Narc gets worse is keeping a lot of secrets....it effects them mentally! Another awesome video Dr.C your caring words to quide and help us.Ty from all of us on team healthly.🌎🥰

[@Grace.AlwaysGrace.]

Thank you. THIS perfectly illuminates the life I have lived. This narrative has been my biography, but I am determined to write a different testament, a new testament.

[@terrydyer2490]

WOW, this is one of the best videos explaining a narcissist. This is just a part of my long nightmare. My husband and I were mentally and verbally abused by our evil narcissistic demon of an adult daughter, For years. It got so bad that the stress cause an emotional breakdown for my husband, One day he started crying uncontrollably with him gasping for air ( this is a guy that never cried because of his upbringing of men don't cry ) He was asking what he did wrong on raising her to be so evil then he collapsed and took his last breath 4 years and 8 months ago. She always had anger issues since she was a teen, but we chopped it up as just being a teen and hormons since she seemed to be a very well-rounded person overall. We noticed the changes in her as she got older and thought she was bipolar. But it was too late for us to get her help because she was over 18. She wouldn't amit that she has mental problems and get help. By the time I learned about narcissism, it was too late. The trauma damage was already done. In those horrible years of walking on eggshells, she had us under her control because she was kicked out of her ex-husband's home for stepping out on him and the trauma she caused. She ended back with us because she was homeless and 3 months pregnant with another's man child. So, of course, we took her in. She was lying from the start, telling us her marriage failed because he was abusing her physically. I know different now. We tried to help her, going through her pregnancy and the birth, then she couldn't handle being a mother. She wouldn't do what a mother should do and we ended up raising our grandson until he was 6 years old. She hunted down for a new supply because my husband became disabled and we couldn't give her a free ride anymore. We asked her to start paying her own way because if she didn't we would end up homeless. That pissed her off, and she really got bad. She finally found a nieve 24 year old guy, 6 years younger than her, Within 3 months, she manipulated and lied to him and they moved in together. Then she trapped him by getting pregnant. My husband I ended up homeless with her stalking us and still messing with our heads using our grandson against us. Then my husband died. She destroyed me beyond repair. I have been abandoned by everyone,... She made sure of that with her lies.. I went no contact but it is slowly killing me from the inside out. I can't have a relationship with my grandson. I can't function anymore. I'm the one who is at fault somehow. And you know what.. I'm starting to believe I must be. I'm just a failure and a lost cause.. I can not heal . It hurts so much. I'm so tired of trying. I just want to die.

[@SherryWilson-dk7bo]

Stay strong ❤

[@sorayamoghadam620]

Sorry to hear this-praying for you

[@debbiescherger9233]

Please stay strong. Do not let someone’s actions defeat or change you!! You know who you are and everything that happened along the way. You’re the strong one! I read all that you have said and you are a person who stood and helped all along the way which makes you an amazing person!!! You must believe that.

[@cecillebalignasay7358]

No, please do not blame yourself. There is much light and love within you. Good that you found a supportive community here. Prayers for your peace of mind, joy and healing.❤❤❤ If you are Catholic, please pray the rosary daily. It helps. Or listen to the you tube videos of Fr. Chris Alar. Stay strong.❤

[@terrydyer2490]

@debbiescherger9233 Thank you for your support. Unfortunately, I have changed. I have been trying to get out of my isolation. I have gone to a few places that I have found that are suppose to be community social friendly. These places are supposed to be helpful for meeting new friends and do activities. I have found out that I don't belong anywheres.

[@sorayamoghadam620]

I needed to watch this video today, and will re-watch this. I am dealing with this now-NPD/sociopath older brother, NPD mother, sister and other brother. I thought my oldest brother was “just” a sociopath and only learned of NPD last yr and he and family fit the description head on. I will likely take yr course(s), and yr videos have been extremely helpful 😊 thank you!!

[@aaronkwolfe]

My N-ex has always been vindictive. Once I got discarded, she rode the “Aaron is to blame” game for years. At some point, her control attempts turned to our adult children. They were savvy enough to realize that if she was talking trash about the other two to them, she was likely doing same about them to other two. So, they started a text group amongst themselves to let the others know what she was saying. It took a few months, but each have gone to low or no contact with her. She’s done it to herself. I wish I could help, but I’ll settle for helping our kids however I can.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

That is alot of triangulation 😢

[@tammywhitten6248]

Same is happening in my family, prayers to you all, stay strong, I know mine keeps going up and down.🙏🌹🙏

[@gazoo7411]

The Narc seems to destroy themselves, as they attempt to destroy others. Moral of the story: don't let the Narc destroy you, or your happiness, and peace. Thanks, a very good video.

[@wissn2112]

They seem the anger towards you is a valid reason to not cooperate and solve problems. Failure seems to be preferred over logic.

[@tammywhitten6248]

My husband is an addict also

[@emchammer1815]

Hate being a narcissist magnet. Every time I turn around there they are! Being too nice is what is triggering it, I believe.

[@MadManInMyVisions]

The worst part is when others go along with them, or turn a blind eye. Especially, in HOA communities.

[@trudismith9712]

I have internalised your teaching, dear Dr Carter, and i am still watching your videos because they change and deepen my understanding about my past and have influence in my present life. Prices i paid: floundring relationships from girl to old age. Avoid confrontation, observing people, and letting them talk. Be nice but that comes naturally. I like modern art and Jazz that takes me from a confused world into harmony. (Peace) Abba,Mama mi, beautiful landscape and soapy love stories depresses me. I play Bridge but refuse to have a regular partner. Loyalty is too deep seated. Thank you for being there Dr C

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are quite welcome, Trudi.

[@t_nels]

Gus is so cozy, what a blessed pup. 🧡✨️

[@privateinfo1711]

Dr gus is my counselor.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus has it figured out!

[@El_Peto]

Gus is a mole for the KGB

[@conniedavis207]

You are so right, Dr Carter.

[@Hatbox948]

Are narcissists born this way? There are so many, and not all of them could have had traumatic childhoods. It seems like they would have been difficult babies and toddlers too.

[@surlif]

My husband was did not have a traumatic childhood other than he could do no wrong in his parent's eyes. He was never corrected no matter what he did. His parents truly believed they were the perfect parents and would tell the rest of the world how they did it. However, they did have traumatic childhoods and passed on highly covert narcissist ways.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I've included a link here to a video that will answer your question. Is Narcissism A Learned Pattern? 1.mp4

[@Hatbox948]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you!

[@GodBlessUsEveryone-yg8vf]

Hello, all: Looks to be a good topic today

[@lisab7977]

The main reason I am afraid to file for divorce is because I am afraid of the revenge he will try to get. I would have to move my favorite possessions out of our house beforehand in secret because I am 100% sure he will destroy or damage them. I also need to think about things like living somewhere that has a garage so he can’t vandalize my car. I don’t feel I will ever truly be safe. 😢

[@alexandersteipe2003]

Yes that is EXACTLY what you have to do. Expect the bad and it will be much worse. You can not break up with a narcist because he will take revenge.

[@skylarmontgomery6181]

Thank you Dr. Carter. I ended my relationship last night and have been watching so much to get insight on how to proceed. So far, shes done everything you've said in other videos. Super vindictive. Character assassination. Smear campaign. Triangulation. All of it. Its tough.

[@El_Peto]

Best thing you can do is to block their contact and ignore them entirely

[@PeteB-g3x]

My 33 year old daughter, in league with my ex wife, have estranged my from my 13 and 5 year old granddaughters. And they've attacked my wife in the process over several years. The damage to me and to my current marriage have been significant. Ive reached the conclusion that the only option is complete separation, which means i don't see my granddaughters. Its a sad reality I just have to accept.

[@2302PeaHeal]

Thank you Dr.C, I appreciate your work. It can feel like you're in quicksand at times. Your work is a helping hand. I so appreciate you and Gus for sharing. Thank you ✌🏾💪🏾🫂

[@jeankipper6954]

Wasband in his 50s recalled with acrimony slights (he felt) from gradeschool. Never would let anything go. Or seek healing. Stuck indeed.

[@Dona-fu9zh]

my nextdoor neighbour, another incident just yesterday; this a narrative to her actions and exactly what it turns you into, although across it, still manage in part to get caught up. thanks dr les...have to keep mentally distancing and remind myself of who i really am.

[@keyaolson991]

This is so good ,wish I could send this to my ex narcs new wife ! I tried to warn her ,she married him after 9 months of "knowing "him.Ive known him 20 years and have seen and experienced his diabolical abuse first hand !!Destroying everyone that gets involved with him.Well he is her nightmare now .😂

[@indigosky912]

When exactly, does a narcissist ever feel the karmic sting of their actions? It seems as if they continue on their path of destruction for years and years, while their victims try and recover what’s been lost, and honestly…every narc I’ve known goes on to continue living their best life.

[@francesbernard2445]

The gaslighting, financial and emotional abuse I endured through while my second ex husband dragged me through litigous family court proceedings for over a decade has severely limited how I could be there for my children and it severely limited my progress in rebuilding my life too. Our 2 children suffered far more than I did because I left him a lot sooner during my second marriage when it became apparent to me that my husband was again way too much like my father was. I can admit that I made mistakes while trying to navigate through all that. That does not in any way shape or form excuse the vindictiveness of the narcissist who had dual citizenship in both the U.S. and in Canada when I married him.

[@breakthroughmoment1647]

Thank you for your always cogent and thorough analysis.

[@ponytail911]

I’ve gone through living hell with the vindictive narcissist once and know that I will not go through hell with them twice.

[@barbarascoggins5239]

This video was 😢great, one of your best! All of your videos are so informative on narc abuse. Ive learned so much! Thank you❤

[@ck9kn]

One of my narcissists from school even showed up at my house with her family demanding I give her a new game boy for just a few pounds, she rationalised it by saying my parents could buy me another one full price and her mum couldn’t so she had a right to mine for cheap. We weren’t at all rich but because we have a nice house she called us all rich bitches and threatened her family would be upset if she left my house empty handed, this was one of the few times I managed to to say no in a five year abusive so called friendship she wouldn’t let me escape from. She did not take it well and threats of being cut and insults towards my whole family. Because I wouldn’t give up my beloved Christmas present she made me into a selfish and uncaring villain of the scenario. I had nightmares about her till my mid thirties until I had a very vivid and violent dream where I fought back and asserted myself, 20 years late but the nightmares stopped.

[@kelleybaringer8281]

So good and encouraging, thank you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful!

[@sayno2672]

Unforgiveness can be like vindictiveness can't it? It's like narcissism is contagious or just narcissistic traits lead to unforgiveness?

[@yoyoyohihihidude]

Crazy how accurate this is

[@caroljohnson3313]

My sister has been smear campaigning me and my family for over 30 years. She still does it even after I have blocked her for almost 2years. Amazing!

[@ErikLeed]

Thank you Les! Your peaceful, clear eyed behavior is an amazing model for us!

[@gailfagan7579]

Yep. Had a disagreement 5 years ago. Around getting the jabs. Five years later, 2 apologies for making them feel 'uncomfortable'. Now I'm prevented from seeing their baby. My only grandchild. Cruelty on a whole other level. 😭😭😭💔💔💔

[@SteelyBlue2013]

👏😊 Helpful and informative. Thank you, Dr. Carter.

[@NancyBrown1975]

The narcissist seriously will hand you the poison in that way and “call” it a gift in their vindictiveness. It is very wicked. Their black, dark side does come through like that and will calmly tell you that you are viscious and cruel which is all bs, however, is so creepy and neurotic the way they say it to you when you know you are full of love.

[@bongofury333]

Saw a great video today "How societies turn evil" It was an analysis of Ursula K. Le Guin's book: The Ones Who Walked Away From Omelas. Very interesting!

[@daniellemeenach4418]

Sounds interesting!

[@bongofury333]

@daniellemeenach4418 check him out. His site is called "Unsolicited Advise" A whole new dimension to this...crisis?

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

I’ve been attacked before, starting with high school. Now I’m dealing with Mr. perfect morals. Nobody doubts what he says about me. So no I won’t recover. The only friends I have left were hidden.

[@juliechurch1799]

Been on end many times.done with em!

[@carolnahigian9518]

WoW! its as if Dr C met my Ex and our 4!4 Narcissistic adult kids! -4-Haters!!!!

[@CMauraArts8]

Excellent 😊

[@Melissa-i7c]

Karma will be THEIR punishment. Wait and see.

[@yukio_saito]

Yes.

[@coggsy100]

💯 so relatable, thank you Dr Carter. You’ve helped me to heal

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome

[@cindyredenius9857]

If you are being abuse by these people ! Please call the police! Narcissist are very dangerous !

[@heathersteinhoff9540]

Thank you Dr. C.

[@stevenmorgan6164]

Thank you Dr Carter An interesting and very helpful video

[@BushcraftQuebec]

I just invited a old for a drink at the bar . He left the bar and called me to tell me said he was gonna off me ?? 😅😅😅 after accusing me of horrible crimes after talking of a employer that use triangulation to put every employee against me 😂

[@rm709]

Hmmm maybe it is you.

[@BushcraftQuebec]

@rm709 yes I sunk the titanic

[@BushcraftQuebec]

@@rm709 cnn msnbc spreads love ❤️

[@MarisaPaola-um5yb]

my mistake was letting them know i was on to them..then they turned nuclear..saying 'you are not everyones number one priority'..like im the narcvwhen i say fo lie or steal from me (my sister). my advice is to view their words as someone who is passing wind, dont even bother to compromise in order to mend the relationship with your narc sibling.

[@georgew.5639]

My former wife and the legal system is extremely fortunate that I am not vindictive. I’m allowing God room to pay them back for what they did to me. And outside of a saving relationship with Jesus, they will pay in an infinitely horrifying way. For all of eternity. And God’s way is far better than I could ever devise. I could very well sue my former wife, both lawyers, and the judges for legal misconduct and corruption. When things went down I knew nothing about narcissism. And that left me defenseless. But that’s no more the case. Trust me when I say that this will not ever happen again to me. I promise that. I am still struggling with forgiveness for all that was done to me. It’s a task that is still in the process. One that I wish to accomplish.

[@MarianneCatherine]

@georgew.5639 I'm so sorry, but God will heal you in His time. Narcissism is everywhere!!! When it's inside the legal system, it's especially frightening!!!! You're absolutely right they will get theirs. Things left in God's hands I've always found work out for the best! 🙏😊🙏

[@El_Peto]

You could sue the attorneys and judges. And be laughed out of court with a huge legal tab

[@a.pepper6687]

Good insights, Dr. C! Once we identify it, once we understand it we can never unsee it. The hidden truth was there all along but for a plethora of reasons it went unnoticed. Truth can be extremely painful but ultimately it CAN set us free! We, the healthy people, can make the needed adjustments that benefit ourselves without harming those who are deeply, and it would seem, permanently wounded. Out of curiosity, Dr, Carter, can Narcissism be birthed from a brain injury that 'may' have occurred during an acute childhood episode of encephalitis?

[@ro7547]

Dr. C, I had a coworker who would treat me terribly for reasons unknown, so I would walk up to her and ask, “Have I done something to upset you?” Was that a healthy way to handle the situation, on my part?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

In healthy relationships, it's a good thing to be straight up. If you keep getting the run around, it's not on you.

[@ro7547]

@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you! Have a great night!

[@michelleharkness7549]

Gus puppy 🐶 is looking 👀 amazing 🤩: again: amazing 🤩: for the record

[@keariewashburn4680]

Thank you 😊 ❤Dr Carter

[@spaceted3977]

Dr Carter, As the Mighty Space Ted there isn't a Teddy Bear that I can't Flatten ! So Narcissists don't count for much in my opinion !

[@Barb-iu3el]

Thank you Dr C .. so timely for my situation

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful!

[@sharonarquilla6200]

Although every message you share with us is super beneficial Doc, this is one of the best ever, imo It explains an aspect of them and their behavior that was kind of stumping me LOL God bless Doc All of Team Healthy thanks you!! Right peeps?? lol

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Sharon!

[@hanichay1163]

I am pretty sure the person doing and trying to do all of what you have said-to me her mom- just sabotaged a lovely family trip that my other daughters planned for some of our big birthdays. Right after I said I accept the invitation it got cancelled.

[@larssommer5756]

Good one. Thank you.

[@atomisum6445]

I can't unsee it now. Optimistic head in the sand seems just as bad though.

[@robincurrin304]

What does a person do when they can't remove the narcissist? I am the scapegoat to my mother, 90yo, who has alienated me from my father and 3 siblings. My father is weak in character and siblings afraid of her. If I remove her, I loose all of them. How do I recover and live healthy with this scenario?

[@El_Peto]

I would imagine you could communicate with your siblings freely as at 90, I doubt they live with your mother. As to your father, it would seem he is stuck living with her and it would make contact more difficult. It is one thing to be polite, even gracious to people, but there comes a limit to just accepting and enabling their endless misery and spiteful behaviours

[@rossanderson5243]

Being vindictive is a game for the narcissist, so they enjoy watching you vindicate yourself to the flying monkeys with little avail.

[@Ann-eb8dp]

You could be talking about my mother She eas so vindictive snd would seize any opportunity to destroy me through my children O sn convinced she tried to make my youngest daughter sick to trach me a lesson Plis ehen l left my violent ex she sided with him in court snd said there was nothing wrong eith him and he should have custody of the children Dhe knew exactly what he was like After l left she looked after him basically ss s wife would , doing his washing cooking whatever She was a truly wicked old woman She lost us as l did not speak to her for years I did visit her towards the end of her life I needed to feel strong enough to sit in a room with her without feeling ill

[@sissi8610]

Thank you! Tonight in Europe, on Bittel TV, Roger has invited a Narc of the highest order to join him for a live discussion: Viviane Fischer. I keep warning him, but I don't think he's had real life experience with a Super Narc. She's lied in court already, she talks and talks and talks, twists, changes, confuses, and he's invited her. But lawyer Katja Woermer is also going to be there, she's as calm as a cucumber, with a memory like an elephant, and articulates things precisely. Viviane's lawyer wasn't invited, so, I don't think Viviane will appear. I think she'll do a no-show, like so many other times when she promised to do something. I fear Roger Bittel is way out of his comfort zone. Mr Carter, in these times my horrible Narc father is almost a blessing, I don't have any blinkers on, I've put the rose coloured glasses away, I'm alert to tricks and manipulation, especially when it comes from our governments and health officials. Thank you for going on with these videos. So important.

[@laurelbarlow5733]

Yes. Amen

[@alexastirling4385]

💖 Gus 💖

[@michelleharkness7549]

Thank you 😊: Doctor Les Carter, Ph.D. ( presenter- awareness- mental health- information fabulous) : fwiw: again: thank you 😊

[@yankeehillraymie1296]

Dr Do You think that me stressed Beyond Imagination from my entire family being extreme Narcissists to me can cause cancer? 😢 Thank You , anyone can answer this

[@FBolton-m3w]

Ezekiel 18:4

[@branhicks]

How long does this recovery usually take? I left my job of 10 years last march due to a trifecta of narcissists. I'm slowly healing but still can't see the end

[@davidparker5439]

How do you talk, when you're narcissistic wife does not respond

[@elizabethambielli610]

There would be no need for thinking of 'human boundaries' if FAITH in THE God was prevalent. GOD aka SPIRIT 'other centered' mindset working for the COMMON GO(O)D. Unfortunately, it is not THE heaven yet. On this earth there will be TESTS to FAITH in GOD. Do not come down to same level of 'bullies' (now being called narcissism aka 'self indulgent and self centered) KEEP THE FAITH in what is above... shrewd as a serpent and simple as a dove. GRACiousness to all, but remember... a friend one can share with mutually is a God gift.

[@elizabethambielli610]

HINT there is 'THE WAY' to keep centered on THE GOD via PRAYER AS ONE...praise, petition, penitent sorry's, and thanksgiving AS ONE 'body' (spiritual understanding) Faith in practice aka religion grows a soul in virtues. In, but not of 'the world.' That which a group in mid 60s denounced for 'their way.'

[@arianasha]

❤