Talking Back to Purity Culture with Rachel Joy Welcher - Episode 83

[@stregalilith]

Sheila’s point of letting the sexual bond outrun the emotional and spiritual ones and thinking you’re closer than you are-and possibly being too bonded to someone who won’t make a committed and healthy partner-is absolutely paramount. This has been obscured by purity teaching and shame but is so essential to know!!! Once again bravo Sheila❤❤❤

[@richardrickford3028]

I heard a story of a boy who was a catholic in a catholic school run by nuns. Nobody told him the facts of life. In the end he plucked up courage and asked the mother superior how he was created. She looked very embarrassed and whispered to him "just remember young man that the holy virgin Mary is watching you at all times"

[@gloriac.2795]

Wow. My faith is no longer the same these days, mostly due to complex trauma. I’ve been reconstructing it and meeting one on one with God a lot and this was quite eye opening. You guys are clearly so genuine in your words. That really shines through.

[@deanfehr9445]

Your video was so great and is beneficial for both genders and all age groups. I’m a 60 year old man and am still learning things for myself never mind how would change how to raise kids if I could do it over. Being told if I vacuum and wash dishes and being the perfect husband would get me awesome sex. That formula just isn’t true. I think it’s great to tell people there may always be periods of abstinence and that’s normal. Possibly even part of God’s plan for us to deny ourselves. I’ve used all the excuses for porn usage and addiction. I’ve even justified joining hook up sites and meeting for sex. It’s only now with a lot of research and prayer and practicing techniques from a few brain scientists that I’ve overcome sex addiction. The addiction is real but but just like smoking or alcohol the need diminish as we abstain. Thank you so much for your video and keep learning and teaching.

[@calebd.swanson5767]

"It can be a normal Christ-like reality that sexuality can be healed in a person. You can rewire the rewiring of the brain. :D . More information is never the problem". Thanks very kindly; I deeply appreciate that message.

[@rebeccahayhurst442]

You’re videos are so helpful, and healing! I passed this mindset onto my kids as well and grew up with this thinking. Thank you for speaking so openly about it. I feel like I am having a healthier understanding when he comes to sex but will also be a better parent to my kids in my conversations with them.

[@aaronlewis8948]

I went through the purity culture stuff. I've been damaged by it. I didn't realize how much the book Every Young Man's Battle affected me until just recently. The book affected my view of women and I didn't even realize it. The book was harmful to pre-teen and teen boys, especially me. We need to teach about healthy sexuality in church. I'm still single, and I wish I had been taught about a healthy view of sexuality.

[@starlingswallow]

44:32 Yes!!! Thank you to the guest for hitting on this topic! The world and even the church teaches us that sex is the bomb in the beginning and after that it's all down hill 😢 What the?! With my husband and I, it's getting better and better with practice and getting to know one another's bodies! 🎉

[@joyofhome]

Awesome video! Thanks for the encouragement. ☺️

[@starlingswallow]

Because the church has been pushing this narrative for ages, the: "Women are responsible for men's sin", this is why the church turns on the victim when abuse is present! If the Church taught that everyone's sin is _their_ responsibility, many would be held accountable for their OWN actions and we'd see a change. I keep praying for everyone who is calling these false doctrines out! May God continue to bless this incredibly important movement! It's funny, they teach women they are responsible, but then on the flip side they teach people that they can't think or do on their own~ you've always got to involve the pastor, leaders or the elders! Want to buy a house? *Talk to your small group leader.* Need to leave your abusive spouse to get safe? *Talk to your pastor first.* Want to know if you should spank your child or not during discipline? *Go see and elder and take their advice.* They twist Proverbs 15:22 where it speaks about wisdom being in a multitude of council! It doesn't mean that you have to run _everything_ by your church leaders! We need to develop our own thinking and decisions, too! After you get advice, it's STILL *your* choice on what to do! This whole thing is a big gobbledygook mess! 😢

[@aaronlewis8948]

I will be reading her book. I read Joshua Harris's book I Kissed Dating Goodbye when I was in my 20s. I've only read it once, so I don't remember anything about it.

[@stregalilith]

Joshua Harris has had the humility to publicly admit that his book was wrong and is telling the world trying to undo the damage he caused❤

[@HMSindistinguishable]

Great video.

[@isstephanie4]

Why can't the military couple get married sooner then a few years? Is it the idea that they have to be living together as soon as they are married?.. I don't think that's a must. Maybe they should get married if that's their plan already.

[@lauraberg6872]

I am in board with establishing boundaries and helping one another keep them, but to imply that going too far is somehow jeapordizing dignity can be really damaging. Doesn't that contradict the point about purity you guys pointed out?

[@DimaRakesah]

This. So long as one's "dignity" or similar attributes are assigned to remaining sexually "pure" you're still pushing purity culture, you're just calling it by a different name. That's why things like purity culture are damaging. They apply shame or praise on things that are simply normal human nature, and should be the private decision of each person. There is no "wrong" or "right" as long as people are making informed decisions regarding their sexuality. And we all know that women, in particular, are heavily pressured and shamed to follow one very specific "plan" that someone else came up with.

[@chelseal654]

I feel like the term “purity” in regard to sexuality is unrealistic. According to the Bible only Christ is pure and holy, and he grants us his righteousness. I think a much more helpful expression is sexual integrity, where you are trying to live in a way that aligns with scripture and respects others.

[@Dreamgirl-xd1sx]

Purity is a horrible term bc the opposite is impure or dirty and that implies sex is dirty. You can add the disclaimer only before marriage is it impure, but in the subconscious, it's still there. Sex is still sex whether you've worn the white dress or said the vows or not and if you've been taught over and over its dirty, wrong, that's a hard thing to get out of your mind. Sexual desire diesnt just turn on after marriage and if it did, no one would ever get married! So telling people sexual desire is always immoral, impure makes no sense.

[@lisajohnson4744]

Your comment about Josh Harris’s book (“yep, I totally screwed up! I repent!”) made me laugh. I did really stupid stuff too! And seriously, I only wish I had handed my daughter Josh Harris’s book. Far worse, I gave her Debi Pearl’s book. 🤢🤢🤢 SO. HORRIBLE. !!!!

[@stregalilith]

Telling horny teenagers to wait until marriage also pressures them to marry so young they haven’t the maturity and skills and patience marriage and family life demands. In biblical times the human life span was about thirty years so marrying at 18 made sense but modern science has shown that the executive center of the prefrontal cortex doesn’t come on line until 23 for women and 25 for men (average).

[@deespence8629]

I don’t get the purity culture- I was a young Christian in the early 1980’s. We never discussed any of this. If sexuality was talked about it was simply- don’t commit adultry and don’t commit fornication. We didn’t obsess over it. We were young adults and we taught that discipleship was important! All this sex stuff just makes us all works based salvation! We cannot keep ourselves pure- Jesus can! It’s because it’s all about Jesus and letting Him live through us! You’re putting the cart before the horse…

[@lenguajesdelamor]

But is getting pregnant really the worst thing?? Is avoiding pregnancy really the goal?

[@isstephanie4]

If it is it makes a baby the villain in many eyes.

[@starlingswallow]

@@isstephanie4great point. I hate that helpless babies get the brunt of others choices 😢

[@starlingswallow]

Thank you for this video! It's a HUGE topic that needs to be discussed, badly. Purity culture really screwed me up. 🫣😥😣 I've been deconstructing many lies over the past 4 years regarding sex...and my husband and I have an amazing journey with our intimacy. It gets better and better❤