"Is My Parent A Dark Empath?"|EMOTIONALLY DETACHED PARENT Of Adult Child |Psychotherapy Crash Course

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

If you want to learn more about these kind of family members, click here to see my thoughts on this: kzbin.info/www/bejne/p4qyeGxjltd0pc0

[@ForeverAutumn77]

Very informative video! The more I heal and educate myself, the more equipped I am on how to handle those who've hurt me in the past and who continue to disregard how their actions or lack or actions have played a major role in my life. Thank God for opening my eyes!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you! Glad this was helpful. And amen! When our eyes become open -- although sometimes that comes with additional burdens -- that's a blessing indeed.

[@jake90009]

I think my stepmom might be one - Claims to be empathetic yet she clearly isn't the slightest bit empathetic - Manipulates everyone in her surroundings so that they'll do what she wants - Me and her work at the same place and I could talk to her about a perception I have with someone and she goes behind my back even after promising me she won't - Complains over the pettiest things - Has no remorse yet she wants you to think she's remorseful - Has no accountability (particularly for her bad deeds) - Talks to you in an oppositional way when you talk to her about things (even if what you say is a proven fact) (this embarks confusion)

[@gregoryritchie7852]

You did a GREAT job in describing my parents. It is destabilizing for me to go from idealizing to devaluing my own parents - but it's the TRUTH.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I can only imagine. I get what you mean. I'm sorry. That's tough indeed. No adult child wants to see their parent in a positive light and later change that lens. It is emotionally destabilizing. And thank you. It's a tough job because each video has a lot riding on it in terms of ratings, helping you and others, not coming across as negative, etc. So I am glad to hear this was helpful.

[@sh6460]

@@TherapistTamaraHill it's hard when they have shown a different face to others, it's the con that can be confusing.

[@smiler1327]

Both my parents have no empathy. Whenever anything has happened to me, I have been victim blamed, cut off, shamed etc. There were few hugs and I was told I was an accident from a young age. They could only ever provide materially, nothing emotionally. I've only just realised the extent of their coldness and how they thrive on control and obedience. I was always the scapegoat and when I was younger, I hated it but as an adult, after learning and growing, I am glad I had that role because it taught me the importance of empathy and connectivity with others. I look at my golden child sister and she is a wreck, she cannot cope and there is no part of me that would now want to swap places with her.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry to hear this. 😔 These kind of parents have deeper seeded issues than they appear to have. The victory is that you turned out differently and may have more peace of mind than your sister.

[@petervandolah5322]

I can't believe I married and spent 20 years with one of these folks ... And my children ? Uggh ...

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry. :( Don't feel bad because these people know how to deceive. This is how they function. It didn't just start with you, sadly.

[@dlsneadduffy]

Sad information. But truth. Thank you for verbalizing what some of us have experienced. Sometimes we just can't put it into words for ourselves. And hearing you describe people like this validates our experience. Most of the time, it feels like no one knows we experienced it or wouldn't believe it if we told them. So we often discount what we saw with our own eyes or heard with our own ears. But Tamara, it helps immensely when we hear you put our experience into words FOR us. It's like YOU are our voice. And hearing you makes us stronger. So maybe someday, we can speak our experience and know the truth we have lived.......and be validated in our OWN minds. At our worst, we don't even know if we can believe our own selves because we've been so manipulated and gaslighted for so long. God bless your life & videos.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you🙏🤗 Amen. God bless you too! This is such a touching comment that I deeply felt. I strive to continue to be your voice (and the voice of others on this channel). For me, that is true purpose. It is difficult to be heard when a society believes that "parents are everything" and that "family is everything." I often give the argument of "what about those who don't have this experience?" So validation is needed, compassion is needed, and education is needed for the healing process.

[@emmvee2932]

When I read the video title I wondered why you refer to them as Dark Empaths, but you do explain how they are Empaths. i.e. they know what their child needs are but they just don't care. Unfortunately for me, I'm more familiar with Dark Triads who refuse to realize or care what their child's needs are.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Yes, I know! It's a confusing word indeed.

[@jaki878]

Thank you Tamar for this great video. exactly that what happens and losing energy because of them. What about having a mother dark empath and overt narcissistic father, so that the situation of my situation. Pls if you can talk about this mixed personality and the effects on the childhood and adults childhood. Thanks for you so much ❤

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome! I'm glad it was helpful. I will certainly add your topic suggestion to my list. Thank you for that.

[@jaki878]

@@TherapistTamaraHill You are an angel. I appreciate your great work. Thank you so much ❤🌹

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🤗❤❤Thank you!

[@nancyP7448]

Thank you

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome!

[@Homoclite]

I wonder whether or not this could be a key factor in children diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder as well.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Yes, very much something to consider and something we need more research on.

[@Homoclite]

@@TherapistTamaraHill I've discussed this some with a couple of people on my job. One adopted 2 small children from Poland. What's come up is a bit scary. There was a documentary about people who adopted children from these Eastern European countries where children were neglected as early as new borns and in those institutions/orphanages/hell holes the children REALLY REALLY went through hell that apparently has been near impossible to help the children overcome.

[@kyrahknowz1442]

💖💯

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

❤😊

[@ExquisiteKinkyCoils]

Thank you for the insight into dark empathy, Támara.❤❤❤.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome!! Thank you for watching ❤

[@jadorejoe]

This is super helpful. Currently learning more and more about my parents behaviors. I started recognizing they weren’t normal when I was a kid, that something felt off but no one seemed to believe me. It’s been a super isolating experience and I’m so glad I’m finding resources that describe my experiences, it’s super validating. Thank you! Would also love to see some content about the social implications/social difficulties that come out of growing up with parents like this, if you don’t have any videos like that already!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you! And I'm glad this is helpful. :) Very glad to hear that you are able to see that you weren't just imaging things or seeing things a way you "should not have." I will definitely add your suggestion to my topic list!

[@jaki878]

According to jadore suggestion that will be very great thing if it will be shared sich video Tamara. Really your videos are great and helpful. you are my super guidance 🙏 ❤

[@bethglass-s6h]

I've been trying to figure this out my whole life. I've got four sisters and three are the same as my parents. I've recently had to break away from all of them. They can certainly feel their own pain but have no compassion for any one else. I'm the opposite and it's truly overwhelming. Thank you for the video.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome. And tat's so difficult to manage when it is a sibling. I'm sorry.

[@truth4utoda]

Thank you Tamara. 💖

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Welcome!❤

[@southernbawselady7092]

Thanks my Beautiful Sistah for your wisdom, knowledge and insight! 🙏💜

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🤗❤Thank you!! And you're welcome. Glad to have you on the channel.

[@NoThing-pd6or]

100% agree with you Tamara! I believe all numbers are underestimated for all mental health disorders. My father is the most skilled at using any love or attachment against you, in or outside the family. My mom too but, she is not as clever as my father, and deeply jealous/envious if I outshine her in any way. I knew from a pretty early age something was horribly off with our family. The older I got, the less I trusted them and went to them for anything. Two weeks after my 18th birthday, I left home my senior year in high school. The journey out of all of this - is to turn inward!! I began with journaling at the beginning, lots of psychology and self-help books, videos, music, art, nature, and meditation turned my life around. Unfortunately therapy wasn't something I could rely on because of finances or inapt/unexperienced therapists that had not done their own trauma work. Believe me, healing is not smooth sailing! I've had two abusive relationships and went back to both parents off and on for years! We marry our wounds. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. It's okay and Tamara, thank you so much for your vids! You're an inspiration to me - I hope to finish my education and become a therapist myself now. Finding a trustworthy therapist could've helped speed things along so much!!

[@okokok7081]

Im sadly a "super" empath. I named my mom "Vladimir Dracula" or "Vlad the impaler" at a young age(so did her students), she can smell blood and sence a lie MILES away and "mind controle" ppl. My covert NPD dad i names "Frankenstein", a enabler from HELL with sad eyes, and a blameshifter who broke my 136 IQ brain into pieces. I self harmed for years. Broke my own ribs, fingers and pulled all the hair out of my skull until blood dripped from my skull. I used to hate them, now i just feel sad for em.

[@mariposa1933]

Oh my gosh. I’ve never ever heard of the dark empath in my life. 🥺 I have a sister and mother who are both narcissistic and both show these characteristics. I’m an empath and it has been the worst time. They gang up on me. But I’ve gone no contact and have maintained my stance. This is truly diabolical. I really appreciate you and your channel a great deal. To be honest I think my cold refrigerator has given me more warmth and love then they have. 😆🤣 My sense of humor has gotten me through, 😉😃 thank you Jesus! ❤🙏

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🤭🤭🤗Love this comment! They say God does have a sense of humor! A merry heart does good like a medicine. Glad to have you on this channel.

[@AlexFaith-Psalm91]

Thank you and God bless you. May God bless your kind soul for helping the minority. The outcast, ostracized individuals of society with therapy to help understand their own self worth and to begin to value themselves and identify a predator in their own family

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

❤Thank you for these beautiful words! God bless you too.

[@donnadaniels5095]

Thank you for this video⚘ I was totally disconnected from my mom at7 years old ,malignant narcissist, before even know what she was it made me be the person iam, still sweet 🤗WITH tough skin , it was just normal behavior never did pay her any attention to my mother after that anyway,🤣 she never could affect me and she tried so many times🤷‍♀️didn't bother me just finally got tired of the foolishness🎭🤡🤥 that they do🤡 and just walked away, living my best life 💃 I know they were shocked🤯 Sigma Empath 👁

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Interesting perspective. It sounds like you were pretty resilient to say the least.

[@laughinghawk8522]

8:28 This is 100% accurate. They're not shy about letting you know they never wanted you starting when you're a toddler who is just starting to comprehend words hurt. 11:30 SO TRUE

[@earth2jennyl]

Thank you so much for posting this video.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

It's my pleasure! Thank you for watching.

[@Beautiful_Days9249]

My mother texted me first on Mother's Day at the crack of dawn (to remind me to text her for Mother's day IMO). She texts me the day before her birthday of course. Like another reminder that she matters. I do not remember ever having my mother play with me as a child or comfort me when crying. She may have gotten a band-aid but she let me lay on a couch with migraines and would not take me to a doctor for a week. She knew of my father's attraction to me and instead of leaving him she cut my hair off.

[@bellakrinkle9381]

Dear Dr. Hill, I'm on you waiting list for your upcoming video on Delusion. Therefore, this is off topic.I want you to see this question so that you will give me your thoughts. I truly value you and your extensive knowledge gathered from your client work. Here is my dilemma: My much loved by me Mother was either a DELUSIONAL CHRISTIAN or an Enlightened Christian. When we were both old, I could see that she truly was connected to the (her) Holy Spirit.", which means that she would have SUFFERED her entire LIFE, if true. However, she could not LOVE - she had no compassion or EMPATHY for workers or her children - or husband, although thry were onthesameteam as co-somethings. Does this not contradict the meaning of CHRISTIANITY?? LOVE THY NEIGHBOR? She was always cordial and kind to everyone, including her family. Yet, she was constantly proselytizing me and one other resistant sibling to accept Jesus Christ. I think she was projecting her own unconscious disbelief, or projecting her wish to be forgiven for not being able to love. I know this is deep work, yet any input you can share will help me understand my dysfunctional Christian family. Thank you Tamara Hill.- I hope you find this! PS. I think my entire family was DELUSIONAL. Two have passed and my Brother lives in his truck and blames me for his unhappy life.

[@petervandolah5322]

My wife and mother of my children ... What a mess ... I had no idea ... Thank you for the words, I always knew this was true ...

[@nobullzone8394]

The bully complex that's what I call it I Witness this in both of my parents where they would constantly accuse me of trying to get them back and I would get beat down physically because that's what my father used to say my eyes look like to him and my mother assumed when that wasn't even who I was or who I am but now with the help of therapy and my husband and my boundaries I don't even deal with my family at all and I have my good days and I have my bad days with that October being the month that my father passed away in 2017 I've been having a lot of bad dreams with him and my mother in those dreams but that's neither here or there thank you doc this was a good session sending peace and love!

[@poojachanana2889]

Is the empathy provided by healers and therapists cognitive one ? Thankyou.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That's a good question. I would say this all depends on the therapist you have. My level of empathy for my clients (and all of you on KZbin) is compassionate, emotional, and cognitive. These aren't negative labels but rather something that needs to be understand when discussing dark empaths. In other words, you can have cognitive empathy (intellectualizing someone's pain) because you simply can't feel what they feel is okay as long as you are able to express empathy. The fact that dark empaths cannot feel empathy (and expresses a false empathy) is the issue here.

[@shylonkado9857]

This sounds exactly like my mom, no cap I really wanna sue her for having me I didn’t ask to be here, I didn’t ask for verbal and mental abuse.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm so sorry. You should not feel this way. I do hope you find peace and can heal on your journey, with or without your mother.

[@CreativeTigresa7]

When you said “it’s like hugging a refrigerator trying to get love ❤️” from the parental or motherly figure. 😭 facts. I find it funny it also eludes to coping mechanisms because I would look to food for comfort or stuffing my own emotions down. I was raised by my uncle & grandparents and he was only a teenager constantly looking over another child with no experience or knowledge on parenting.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm so sorry😔 It is very much a cold experience and it's sad to think that parents can be this way.