"Can I Forgive & Forget?" Post-Traumatic Healing In Parent-Child Relationship- Psychotherapy Crash C

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

This is a tough topic? Could ypu forgive an abusive parent? Please like, share, & subscribe if this was helpful to you. 🙄

[@kirkleyndyke6336]

Where does the assertive parent fit into this. It was the third type of parenting that I talked about in the parenting classes I taught. I'm probably just outdated.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

@@kirkleyndyke6336 🙊🤣 Kirk, you're not outdated. I just didnt specifically mention it this time. I wonder if "authoritative" parenting is the "modern" definition of the assertive parent???

[@Bielik672]

Part of the abuse is not being able to talk about it. I was never allowed to discuss anything that was going on in my childhood with anyone because my mom put the fear in me that I would be taken away. Now, even as an adult who is a Christian, I have come to forgive her and do not hold animosity or harsh feelings, but when certain behaviors show up because this person has never changed, I completely revert back to this child like state and relive some things from my childhood. The way I’ve come to cope with this as an adult is by talking about it with a close friend or spouse, but then I instantly regret it and feel like I am gossiping/slandering her by just discussing the things that are going on inside of me and still happening to me. How can I get passed this? Does true forgiveness mean I completely forget and don’t ever discuss the things that happen or have happened? How do I cope?

[@tatianasebastiao6120]

I'd also like to know

[@trouthousecomics]

Can't talk to em ever again. Not sure how to let go of the seething anger I have for them when I think of my childhood either.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm so sorry Joshua. This is always tough. I never could fully understand forgiveness until I had to exercise it myself. The only way to let go of the anger is to find a way to forgive them for what they know not and forgiveness them for the ignorance that fueled their behavior. This doesn't mean having something to do with them or holding anger as a means to punish them. This just means release yourself by overcoming their evil with good.

[@trouthousecomics]

@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you for the tips and good advice. It is much appreciated.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Welcome😊

[@reg8297]

I'm trying to do that now still nearly impossible after years of torture put Downs ridiculing my identity I met an abuser a secomd abuser who brainwashed my kids against me really hard to get over that

[@bksson2818]

Thank you for this blessing my mother is toxic and and emotionally immature.

[@jennifercox4781]

Hi Tamira, I found your KZbin video on search of answers on how to forgive my father. I have so much resentment towards him for so many reasons, but I feel that God is really tugging my heart on forgiving him. This is such a difficult thing to do, but the tug on my heart is strong, and I know that it must be done. How do you forgive a parent who is narcissistic, who abused my older brothers and I sexually (my brothers), physically, ( my oldest brother), mentally and emotionally ( all of us, including my Mother, whom he told me just days after her death that he never loved her). I have tried cutting off communication with him and he still finds ways to harass me every few years and try to get me to talk to him. This is so hard for me! My life is so much better without him in it, but every time he tries to contact me, I stress out about it so much! I've been getting stress headaches since this past Friday when he tried to contact me. What am I supposed to ssf o with this?

[@tatianasebastiao6120]

Lean towards the tug and free yourself from bitterness and anger🙏

[@dannychang9662]

Keep up the good videos!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you! I will! Glad this was helpful.

[@SD_Chosen]

What If The Abuser And Betters Their Life Do I Forgive Them?

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That would depend on the abuse. The kind of abuse. How long the abuse happened. etc. I think it just simply depends. But I always think forgiveness is important and can better you if not the other person.

[@Countcho]

I cant even type what happened. It is too gross and evil.

[@Countcho]

I feared for my life everyday for about two decades. I finally am starting to have my own mind again (my dad controlled us) I experienced and witnessed a lot and now i dont even know how to speak. I was a selective mute until my early 20’s. Speaking was just too terrifying. It was barely allowed at home. Corporal punishments were the norm over non-issues. Leaving a light on would get u grounded for a month, choked, and pinned against the wall by your neck. Went limp everytime. I knew i could not fight back. i saw what happened to others (harsh attacks and possible broken bones with no doctor after) My only goal everyday was to avoid my dad at all costs and never incoinvience him in the slightest

[@janbonne]

Such an amazing topic thank u!!! Def something important to many ppl in diaspora communities

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome Jan Jan! Thank you for watching. And I agree 100%. Empathy for someone who has hurt us is difficult because it goes against everything our instincts tell us to do. :(

[@BlackMagickMike]

Hi, Támara, Thank you again for your work promoting psychological health and well-being. The more I listen to your presentations, the more my own traumas are revealed. I have had counseling before, and appreciate the value of it. However, unfortunately I have not had the resources to seek that type of assistance for a long time. I have generally thought of myself as well adjusted and certainly not as a traumatized individual despite some, what I considered isolated events I have previously commented on. That was until last night when I was watching your post. I am currently estranged from my mom and her husband. I stopped referring to him as my step-father last year when I came to the conclusion that I needed to sever ties with them, particularly my mom, again. She and I have had extended episodes of estrangement totaling over 15 years, which represents almost a third of my life. Seeking a "place" physically and mentally to pursue personal spiritual peace and processes to foster forgiveness, I have done quite a bit of reflecting. Discovering your work was a part of that. It wasn't until last night that I started to connect the dots of trauma in an "Aha!" moment. It became clearer to me how the household I grew up in, though I thought it was loving, was actually filled with abuse; emotional, psychological, physical and sexual! I cannot admit to having a "breakthrough," necessarily, but there was certainly a realization that, and how this environment has been running in the background of my life for all this time! It is clearer to me now that I need help, and more clear why. Thank you, again and kind regards.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Hi Mike, Thank you for your kind comments. Thank you for sharing your story and for allowing yourself to be vulnerable and describe your living situation growing up. I think you will find, primarily when speaking to a trauma therapist, that your story is more common than perhaps you once thought. It's interesting how we can live in denial or a "limited" mindset that is mainly influenced by a lack of insight for long periods of time. It really is interesting how a video, a book, prayer, or something you hear or see in passing can create that aha moment you talk about. I think in some ways this is the beginning of a breakthrough; just the simple fact that you are acknowledging the extent of your situation. I do hope that, in any event you never seek out therapy again, that channels such as mine and others will be able to assist you in the post traumatic growth process. Glad to have you on the channel

[@mikemkgta5988]

Permissive parenting : reminds me when I was crying in my room alone n my dad heard me n stormed in my room to tell me to stop ur crying before I give u something to cry about.. n I didn't stop n he came back n beat my ass.. I will never to this to my kids. F that.

[@m.j3367]

I hate my parents period...

[@LivingthedreamwithTia]

Great views and take always from this .thank u

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome and thank you!

[@antoinetteconley5149]

Awesome!❤❤❤❤❤

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thanks 🤗

[@truth4utoda]

Sooooo sad. This made me emotional because I have as great set of parents but my parents did not. Alcoholics, druggies, etc. It wasn't good How do I support them in healing? Thank you once again love!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you find these videos helpful. This is tough because my own parental system felt they had poor parents and they still haven't healed 100%. I think what I failed to mention in this video, now that you bring this up, is that not everybody is going to heal. There are going to be levels of acceptance and stages of acceptance throughout your life. And that's okay. Being able to move forward in life with the reality of your situation and not be impacted is "healing." The best way to show support is by sharing videos like this, sharing books, articles, and words of encouragement.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

@Ella Rose thank you Ella! It is difficult to distinguish. I think your intuition will do the work, but you have to be emotionally healthy first!

[@bethsimm3144]

Do you think if somebody who at aged 16 until 18 was abusing a sibling who was 10 yrs younger, are they capable of changing and then forming a very normal relationship again,with bond a close bond but when the past is brought up by a differnt issues that caused old police records to surface and further investigation with the matter due to there being other chilxre to think a out , he denies having any "memory" of the abuse , but still wants to have tbis bond with his sibling. Would you be likely to advise against any contact or encourage it with caution. I hope that makes sense

[@celebrity_rooster7488]

Don’t even bother trying to forgive them if you can’t make your own cash. When you do, however, forget them.

[@Gshkent]

In my opinion, you can forgive/ accept your parent with enough processing. Its my belief that most of the healing is learning to love yourself and letting anger go for yourself

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

+Gshkent Very good point! Agree.

[@rosanerio2]

Excellent video!! Thank you ever so much Tamara!💖✨

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome!! Thanks for watching.

[@legocitybatmansetlifestyle7761]

Thank you for being transparent

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Absolutely. Thanks for watching!!

[@missmarkle6827]

You are amazing

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

+Miss Markle Thanks so much for watching! 🤗

[@pipitypips2893]

I'm going through this rn. My parents beat me and were very verbally abusive until like my late teens. They don't abuse me now though. They also never abused my little sister which I'm deeply grateful for but I resent them for not giving me that same normal childhood and good start at life. Really feel like I would be a more confident and happy person if they had of. My older sister who went through the same abuse also seems to have moved on and has a good relationship with them, feel like I'm the only one who remembers and is still full of bitterness and resentment. I know my dad had a violent background though and my mother was going through a rough period with our grandmother battling cancer for so long. I still resent she took it out on us but I still love them deep down and want to move past it and have a normal relationship, especially since my dad is sick atm. Its just so hard though, they have caused me so much pain. I also can't bring it up now and get closure as I dont want to pile on stress with my dad being sick. Sorry for the long rant lol, started typing and I couldn't stop.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

No need to apologize! It's therapeutic I'm sure. I'm so sorry to hear this. Your story mimics many of the families and children I have counseled in the past. It's frightening to say the least. It's still traumatizing too! Some research on child abuse suggests that as parents age they become less abusive and sometimes forgiveness is likely to happen between the abuser and the abused. It really depends on a variety of factors. I might bring this topic up during the month of June in a video or two.

[@pipitypips2893]

@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you for the response! Would definitely be interested to hear more on this topic so I'll subscribe and stay tuned

[@bethsimm3144]

Ok im going to ask somthing that i hope i am able to keep focused as i think i lose touch with this when i try to explaine to the services who work with me. This much has taken the entire day so im going to bullet point the topic if it comes back to soon.?????? THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING. Ok im looking for for answers to the behaviours that i know i have but i cant explain properly but i seem to go blank everytime i try to talk to anyone who is helping me. Im going to send this in sepperate parts in a hope of you managong to get me as i need to learn whats happening . I know i must be the worst person you have responding with the essays i writeand bullet point one is why cant i keep it short and sweet and feel i have to make sure i am clear.

[@bethsimm3144]

Im aware of the wierd ways i ha e and i am so afraid not getting anywhere with this due to the lack of concerntration i but the diffrent behaviour patterns are i think being missunderstood and i feel as if im making people angry because im not getting anywhere fast withmy recovery

[@bethsimm3144]

I am so sorry tamara, i was triggering myself wen i was trying to explain the symotoms of somthing that happens and its just frightning. I am going to kep my repsonses minimul and with tge content of your discussion

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That's ok Beth. That's what I'm here for. I have a few things to address and respond to. I will give you my thoughts asap!

[@bethsimm3144]

@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you.