3 ways to practice civility | Steven Petrow

[@AdrienLemaire]

First rule: De-escalate language, stop using trigger words Second rule: Challenge people's policies but never make it personal Third rule: Don't mistake decorum for civility Thank you Mr Petrow for this talk

[@jaywilley955]

Adrien Lemaire 4th rule: Gag A Maggot

[@pilgrum90]

Rule one. I’m just a man

[@formervoidsaccount]

i love you

[@sacstaterEVOLution]

1. Use words impeccably and with reverence, 2. Don't take others' words personally, and 3. Do not mistake decorum for civility. BEAUTIFUL talk.

[@sentatsantilis2591]

I thought I was very civil, but after watching this talk I realized how I can do a better job at it. Thank you for giving this very helpful talk! 🌿

[@peggyharris3815]

"Don't mistake decorum for civility." That's a keeper.

[@guyaneseangel1992]

The scone story makes me happy

[@Lunareon]

A great reminder of treating each other with respect. The dinner table conversation example in the beginning was perfect. I may just borrow it if a similar situation arises.

[@ChessMasteryOfficial]

*Don’t underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering. %*

[@mhtinla]

Don't underestimate the value of being nothing, knowing nothing, or not knowing your being.

[@Cerbyo]

This is retarded logic. They blew up my house and took all my money but I can't underestimate the value of doing nothing about it....just going along with letting them get away with it...listening to how its my fault its happened and not bothering to go against the flow. This is how hitler came to power. Pro hitler ted talks. dun dun dunnnn.

[@ShankarSivarajan]

@@Cerbyo Don't overestimate it either.

[@jenniferjohnson9419]

Hmm thank you this is expecially crucial time to be able to practice civility towards one another!😊

[@nicklang7670]

Agreed but be more passionate about it. Civility does not have to be meager. It just does not work that way on the big stage.

[@coachbahman]

*The concept of civil is beyond us. Everyone is upset about everything.*

[@mmisbach]

Civility: give of themselves for the larger good. Respectful engagement. Using trigger words such as homophobe, racist, sexist set people off and don't allow us to find a common heart. Verhuftering, bullying and disappearance of good manners. Don't mistake decorum for civility. What are we missing out on? Joy of civility. #TedTalk twitter.com/tedstalkin

[@ceicli]

Well said! You can think different without being personal about it! Not everyone is an idiot just for being civil (or uncivil).

[@davec8473]

LPT : Download TED Talks so you can watch without the horrors of the comments section :D

[@yellooh]

Thank you

[@chuckbryan4817]

Excellent talk.

[@jkeditz2662]

This ted x making perfect life to every one

[@hansmuller1846]

This is TED though

[@escape2eden297]

Poignant. Bravo

[@michaelganovski7077]

great scone story, nice presentation

[@seancloser]

That was a beautiful story.

[@deeb8733]

Well done.

[@MuppetBandolero]

Civility is no do damage to another people

[@vitoroliveira4290]

And i think you could go futher and say there is an acidental blind civility, created indirectly by the early values on childreen, and a learned civility , as a concept . And the second one might be harder if the first one wasnt well developed, by putting rewards where the rights behaviours are.

[@FtonDavid]

13:33 There at three private contractors for every US soldier out on missions, they are mercenaries, do not follow the geneva convention or are protected by it. What's more is they don't have to be reported, so when there are listed 400 troops remaining in Syria quadruple that number and that's how many US troops are still there. Torture is against the geneva convention, so it gets rebranded enhanced interrogation. I'm really happy you were able to sit down with a hostile customer and have enough of an exchange to know one another, I do fear though that there is a spiralling away from civility, and that trying to keep to it only helps those with which you might have conflict with. Example: "The Alt-Right Playbook: Introduction" kzbin.info/www/bejne/aqmqkqqAftiYhLs

[@domefort]

Right on the money

[@franticranter]

10:52 personally prefer "bloody remoaners", it's so funny

[@bellaadams7359]

everyone watch: watch this before you waste time, honestly it will change your life

[@JonasUllenius]

Do more rules make people more giving or do it make more walls to hide behind and worry about others?

[@truthseekermedia]

Newspeak... I think it's almost here can't say anything without offending someone nowadays!

[@lodgin]

If you're deliberately using inflammatory language, especially to get a rise out of people, you are not engaging in good faith dialogue, you have no right to complain.

[@mmmk1616]

@@lodgin Whoa, deja-vu! I think I saw this exact comment on another video!

[@lodgin]

Well, it's part of what Mr. Petrow is talking about in the video: that using inflammatory language is not helpful for civil discussion. And I have to agree, this whole thing where the left calls the right racists and the right call the left snowflakes needs to stop. Even if those things are true, just spouting that stuff does nothing but foster resentment of both sides from both sides. We need more civility and we need it very soon.

[@moonwhistle]

Honesty is way more important than civility no matter how unpleasant it is.

[@BariumCobaltNitrog3n]

Honesty without tact is not civil at all. Telling a co-worker you don't like gays may be honest but it will get you fired.

[@MsHellfe]

I canmt think if any truth that cannot be said civily

[@stephaniesmith3544]

I disagree; I believe they’re both equally important. Honesty delivered in an ignorant and aggressive way will not encourage or help you change someone’s mind. Honesty delivered in a way that is considerate of the other person’s stance can encourage the spread/mix of good ideas from either side of any debate. Honesty means nothing in calling out or changing behaviours if not done in a civil way.

[@mmmk1616]

You would think, on this video anyway, that people would be civil to each other in the comments... nope.

[@JammyH93]

You spelled Dr.Drew wrong

[@thinkppl]

Trigger words? You mean overused labels that imply a moral character flaw in the person you are putting them on. It's good to give these labels the respect they deserve, it's chilling that people didn't, and still don't, realize it's not ok to use them lightly.

[@ShankarSivarajan]

You racist!

[@thedudedylan]

ITT Nobody watched the video. Or at least didn't take anything away from it. KZbin comments never disappoint.

[@lordanthrax8685]

He can do asmr

[@chazmcgooski83]

TED=Technology Entertainment Design Not fuzzy social science and gender/race politics.

[@ShankarSivarajan]

But diversity!

[@brendarua01]

Phhht Read TED's own description of its mission. .

[@oninoyakamo]

Clearly you didn't find this entertaining. Some people did

[@chazmcgooski83]

Brenda Rua Ahh the spread of ideas, no matter their validity! 8-10 years ago you could watch these and know you were getting something of high quality everytime.

[@chazmcgooski83]

oninoyakamo Haha I suppose so, my idea of entertainment isn’t listening to a moral gatekeeper virtue signal and claim he found and answer to everything “civility”.

[@discovermyview8411]

Great video!! It is unfortunate that as a former evangelical Christian I know how that group responds to calls for "tolerance" and "civility." Because their belief structure is so seeded in bigotry, it is impossible for them to have a civil conversation with an opponent without seeing themselves as the persecuted party. They hold the hateful opinion, but they are the person being targeted. What gives!

[@superiorhorse3363]

Hello cool vid

[@jacobawojtowicz]

In the UK you can be arrested for offensive speech. How's that for civility?

[@moderngoblin]

Genius. Those words are the problem.... X_x

[@kellykerr5225]

I have also had death threats and more insults then in my entire life combined.

[@loriharvey5186]

I wonder how the words "civil war" make sense?

[@ИгорГригорый]

Топсынғо брат

[@javiergimenezmoya]

who decides what is or what is not an "hate speech". YOU??

[@zephyr5802]

It’s quite easy, Merriam Webster dictionary provides a simple definition, : speech expressing hatred of a particular group of people.

[@LughSummerson]

So you broke contact with someone you know personally over a disagreement about a vacuous celebrity stranger? That is the opposite of civility. Civility is getting along with people despite your differences. Cutting someone out of your group for wrongthink is hegemonic bullying.

[@mmmk1616]

He said "she didn't buy it, we didn't speak for years". I would hope that he tried to reach out to her. We just don't know, maybe never will. But it seemed like that they are now on speaking terms, because he didn't say they don't speak to each other *now* ...

[@LughSummerson]

He said that he called her a hypocrite. He has no idea what civility is.

[@thinkabout288]

i hope you called the police so he doesn't kill someone else

[@bluebw5410]

251

[@therusn8r10]

How does a person who preaches civility reconcile criticising friends in print😜

[@YOLO-tq3el]

👌👍

[@tatiyana8934]

and how's going to look like the consequences for those, who absolutely sincerely do not understand, not ready, and have no base/background to follow this new kind of "Geneve convention of civility"?... How could it be possible to turn people into this opposit direction of civility, in case if the majority of them in some local socium got no idea why should them be interested in this ...?... - idea's bright, but is looking rather hopeless((...

[@zephyr5802]

Most ideas posted on TED have very little chance of actually taking place in life. The point of the talk is to get you to think, and if in the very slightest he convinced people to add a little more civility in their life then the talk has done its job.

[@tatiyana8934]

@@zephyr5802 , - I don't understand that((... TED' audience is mostly, how do I think about it, represents those who at least think about personal development, and ,I also think, it is the level of social consciousness, which includes knowledge about what civility is, and what are its social benefits... - the point me personally mostly interested about civility, is how to involve those, who sincerely got no idea about why is it important to have majority of social members ready to keep their behaviour within civility frame... I can see no way to promote this((..., because, as I think about this, the civility only could be a natural part of the whole process of personal developnent from the early chilhood... then it bacome a personal priority of behaviour that doesn't permit... other options - of not-civility behaviour... I don't believe there's a way to make adult population care that there's an important need so that they would review their behavior or language habits((... - otherwise, it is just wasted talk((...

[@reyjusuf]

I'd let the other guy have the scone

[@MajkaSrajka]

I don't know what it means to be civil, but I know what it means to be civil. Just look at the comment section lul

[@welkinator]

A completely emasculated male.

[@geoffmcclelland2663]

No mention of Caitlin Jenner killing the person. I don't think that's very respectful

[@endofinnocence5992]

Virtue-signaling

[@cowboyflipflopped]

Wow, a white cisman telling less-privileged people to be nice, gentle and respectful about their oppression. Who'd have thought??

[@Aar0nMD]

Did you just assume his gender?

[@puepole]

he's gay and jewish

[@solalvarez180]

🇦🇷❤🙋👐

[@azurazdandaridae9158]

I can't follow this.

[@grantadamson3478]

Very fluffy without much content.

[@mrmusiclover4178]

I hope there were lots of republicans in your audience. They seem to have lost their ability to be civil or fair or decent in recent times. I realize some Democrats also have. But they can't hold a candle to the so-called "Tea Party" folks. All too many of us in America talk about nothing except "us" or "them." But there is no "us" or "them." There is only a "we." We're all in this together, folks.

[@DesiBookLover]

Jesus! Get to the point, man! Ever heard of editing? Sorry for being uncivil...

[@sst6358]

Wish you could teach the foreign nationals in my country they are the rudest people l have ever come across 😢

[@wombtv6499]

Which country?

[@sst6358]

WombTv Ireland

[@endofinnocence5992]

You have been a civility guru for 20 years but you admit that until recently you regularly used words like racist and homophobe?!

[@jaywilley955]

Couldn’t get beyond 4:00. Absolute painful drivel. Jesus Christ.

[@Cerbyo]

this guy is 100% gay, u can tell just by this talk...why do all gays talk the same and have the same culture? It's weird. its really really weird. I don't get it. They say its a sexual orientation. Well then why do they all conspire to the same culture?!!! I don't get it, are they all genetically created to know what this culture is? HOw do you learn to talk like that and react that way to things!?!! And why is it based on sexual orientation!??!? Are you mimicking the female role in society? are all mothers really this annoying to talk to?

[@gammaraygem]

A Geneva Convention for civility?? Did you think that one through? How would you enforce that? for soldiers, yes, what about the bombed hospitals and ehh...civilians? The geneva convention is for the protection of professional murderers once they get caught by the opposition...(if you dont kill my captured soldiers, i wont kill yours) how civil is that ? oh, yeah, in war murder is legal... with all due respect, it seems to me to be a very bad template.

[@gammaraygem]

@British National Conservative My question/remark was mainly on how to enforce that. i recall that in Holland in the 1960´s there was an elderly woman who went to court because someone called her a Beatle. The man got a conviction(dont recall details). I think maybe the civility this speaker here is talking about has to do with oversensitivity. Comedian Lenny Bruce used the N -word in a show where there were also black people in the audience. He did it on purpose, to desensitise people. And, on those occasions ,it worked. Because he presented it brilliantly. Black folk stayed and even laughed and applauded him.Because he showed them how ridiculous it was. Wars need ideas (thoughts) to justify feelings. As for sitting idle--if only humans could...want to control everything, but cant control themselves. ever try to silence your thoughts consciously for a couple of minutes? As long as we cant, we will be slaves. But, no worries. robots will soon do all the work, mariuana will be legal worldwide and we´ll all be sitting stoned as a beatle behind our rectangles (or in 3D rooms)fighting imaginary wars. I am glad i dont have children.

[@gammaraygem]

@British National Conservative i agree with you. as for your last sentence about Britain...hmmm...i followed some live Parliament debates online on Brexit...seems democracy is defeating itself here...and underbelly propaganda on both sides has clouded the issue and people have made ill informed choices... hard brexit seems pretty radical and very harmful to very many people...and that is no longer a fringe movement. I live in portugal, and some British friends i have here, are going back to Britain.A big upheaval for them. When football hooliganism got out of hand some tough measures were taken: stadium bans etc. Having said that, i hope Britain, the British, find a solution that does justice to truth and democracy.

[@gammaraygem]

@British National Conservative so now it is Europes fault that Britain has a political crisis...so then, who voted to join the EU in the first place...dont blame the EU for your own mess.

[@gammaraygem]

@British National Conservative I have no problem with Britain leaving the EU. EU works fine for me. I am not afraid of far right taking over europe, which is, by the way, a gross exaggeration. that is what i meant with underbelly propaganda. this will self correct in time. In a democracy of course mistakes are made. In Holland we were happy when we got labourers from Turkey and Morocco 1960 onwards. The idea was they would leave after 5 years or so. But (we were, generally, openhearted and welcoming) they stayed and we were not prepared for that and were unaware of their culture(where everyone in the village is a "parent" and correcting, of all children). This meant that the next generation of immigrants, (their kids) could roam and create problems without anyone correcting them, because in Dutch culture, only parents are responsible for kids behaviour. The rise of the far right is partly due to US politics creating upheaval in the middle east causing a massive influx of refugees. Britain (Blair) is co responsible for that, illegal attack of Irak etc. Blair was democratically chosen leader. As for African refugees...we plundered Africa for centuries, forced our religion onto them, disrupted their culture and now we reap the bitter fruits of that. Britain is as responsible for that as the rest of the colonising nations. Dont pretend to be the best boy in class, because you are not.

[@gammaraygem]

@British National Conservative america and britain invaded irak for no other reason than to protect their oil interests. As they have done numerous times , under the pretense of "bringing democracy". when i was younger, i used to believe that nonsense. google "peak oil" and watch a couple of documentaries. And they supported irak against iran. get your facts straight dude. Britain has always been the US buddy and lapdog. A sad fact, face up to the sad truth. the govts you mention are hardly "far right". Just folk who worry about the (caused by britain and usa) influx of millions of muslim (or,in the case of Italy, African) refugees. And, eventually, they will change the EU in a positive way. Thats how it works. Why dont i hear you protest about the close ties between US and Saoudi Arabia...need i say more...

[@thesenator777]

A lot of comments here with a good touch of un-civility, este, uncivilized manners. Funny the authors of these comments. I wonder how their faces look like and if they're taking maintenance drugs or coke.

[@Aar0nMD]

Very civil comment. You are so virtuous.