Stop trying to change yourself | Ien Chi | TEDxBerkeley

[@IenChi]

Whoa, I just found out my talk was released today! It gives me so much joy to be able to share a sliver of my life experiences with the world in a way that can hopefully spark reflection. To all of us: may we feel all things within ourselves to its full profound depth, talk back to those often ruthless inner voices with even more powerful acceptance and compassion - and illuminate the core of who we are underneath the chaotic noise of this world. Wishing all of us continual un-learning and unfolding wonder at it all!~ Grace and peace, -Ien

[@aj6025]

Ien! What a brilliant, cool and moving performance! Thank you this perspective and the warm honesty with which you delivered it. I'd love to see your previous films and more lectures in the future. All the best to you!

[@countrystud1986]

You are a fantastic speaker. Both your worldly experience and personal growth and pain were so clearly and honestly communicated. You spoke what many of us have a hard time even thinking to ourselves, much less speak of it publicly. Thanks for inspiring so many people.

[@towardsspirituality1431]

Good luck mate.. And cheers to path you chose to know yourself! I have been doing this for last 6 years and in last 1 year i started getting some clarity. In my words, you don't have any purpose of life, you just live and die here. But to make this journey pleasant we still need a purpose to spend time beautifully. The purpose should be bigger than the life itself so that you don't lose the enjoyment of life before you die. We can't change the world for sure. Many gurus, emperors, influencer, even incarnations of god came and gone - this world remained as it is and will be as it is...

[@thementalself]

How can I wu-wei the day? My best days unfold when I ask myself this question. ☯️✌️🤓

[@ClickWithBricks]

A powerful speech Ien. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. It really touched me as I could see myself in this…🙏🏻✨

[@__isixda]

"The reason I was trying to change the world was because I couldn't accept the world as it was. And the reason I couldn't accept the world the way it was, was because I couldn't accept myself the way I was" -- that is POWERFUL !

[@clairechristinemermet8264]

Exactelly

[@clairechristinemermet8264]

Powerful exactelly

[@huangruhu9633]

thank you

[@ThuLe-VN]

Yes from the moment I accept my self, I also feel be fine with everything and everybody 😅

[@eyeswideopen7777]

If you struggled with self love, the answer isn't trying to love yourself harder. Love isnt a matter of effort. Love is matter of awareness. it isn't a matter of trying harder, it's about letting go. Powerful quote ... Ian

[@thepieguylol]

I cried really hard watching this. I’ve been going through a lot lately and beating myself up over things. Trying to be a “better version” of myself. It just puts a lot of pressure on me and only increases my anxiety and insecurity. I think I’m gonna watch this video every day for a little while

[@IenChi]

🙌

[@Tryingtolovemyself107]

I truly hope you are better now. Your comment really made me realize how I put too much pressure on myself to become someone worthy of love and appreciation. Because I don't genuinely love myself. Yet! 😢

[@CC-sp6kl]

This is the TED talk I really needed today. I’ve been dealing with self hate and trying to change myself for years and years

[@cesmith48]

Me too

[@crystalclear6660]

He created a good point. To accept oneself, flaws and all.

[@oneworldonehome]

"Accept the world today as it is, not as you want it to be. With acceptance comes love, for you cannot love a world that you want to exist. You can only love a world that exists as it is. Accept yourself now as you exist, and true desire for change and advancement will naturally emerge within you. Idealism justifies condemnation. Recognize this great truth, and you will begin to have a more immediate and profound experience of life and of that which is genuine and not based upon hope or expectation but upon true engagement." _Steps to Knowledge, The Book of Inner Knowing » Step 55: I will accept the world as it is._

[@IenChi]

Thank you for sharing this, Ivan - I'm putting this book on my to-read list

[@johnchapman5125]

Thanks for sharing!

[@huangruhu9633]

thank you

[@hananqaddah7760]

" love is a matter if awarness and letting go of all trying " That hit deep.

[@user-gm8uy5cc2g]

"The reason I was trying to change the world was because I couldn't accept the world the way it was. The reason I couldn't accept the world the way it was because I couldn't accept myself the way I was. I had been projecting my desire to change myself to the outside world instead of looking within and seeing what was there. I had been running away into the idea of changing the world as a way to run away from my own feelings." Whew. Thanks so much for this for talk. And for being so honest. You put exactly what I've been thinking and feeling into words.

[@skyetai8348]

If everyone aims to improve oneself, not looking at others with judgement, the world is a lot more peaceful and harmonious. Thanks for sharing!

[@IenChi]

Amen! 🙏

[@huangruhu9633]

Thank you

[@AnitaPerrine]

Len, You just changed the World for thousands of people! God Bless!

[@ellenhendricks4606]

He has perfectly described the millennial/gen Z phenomenon of exhaustion.

[@quantum_man]

You don't have to change yourself, you just have to 'Be Yourself'...and the only way to Be Yourself is to connect to your Real Self, Your Soul Essence, or as You call it, 'Your Higher Self' and be guided by that, Unconditionally.

[@rubin-healmysocialanxiety702]

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” ― Carl Jung Profound talk 🔥

[@brett__]

@Jason Campbell see, this is what i believe. instead of JUST accepting myself, i should do that and also accept that i CAN change, not just say “i’m a person with negative self-talk” and choose to live with that. THAT is insanity.

[@saltysosalty6040]

"If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change." - Michael Jackson I know it may seem like I've missed the point, but trust me. The point is, if you don't like the world around you, then very likely you should look into yourself and reconsider some things. Similar piece of wisdom is contained in "World is a reflection of yourself" (for those interested, the song is: "Man in the mirror")

[@BananaPajamaGamer]

The lecture society needs, but not the one it deserves

[@kcmichealx]

Finally, a talk that has touched me deeply. Thanks, Ien for sharing this. You have reached the world, and I'm entirely grateful to have someone like you in this lifetime.

[@softerliving]

Beautiful sentiments. Struggles vs acceptance

[@HimanshuBhattShow]

Very inspiring, we keep thinking how to change ourselves. In fact no need. Be just yourself and you will get better and better each day. Thank you for sharing 👍 🙏

[@deefee701]

It's taken me a long time to realise how destructive it is, but the mantra of the 1980's and 1990's was "you can change the world!" It's not sustainable as an individual but I thought I was supposed to change the world, too, all by myself.

[@ogeo.8966]

Aww he made Jubilee. I also grew up wanting to change things for the better. I made all this big plans that I imagined would be applied on a mass scale - detailed too - troubleshooting to find solutions to problems and refining them to make them better. I also realised one day I hated myself. Now I'm just in a weird place where I don't have anything I really enjoy. And my mind is not as occupied with 'changing the world' as it was before.

[@paulvalentine4451]

Beautiful insight Beautiful vulnerability Beautiful honesty Beautiful share Thank you

[@manuchaudhary9728]

I share same thoughts, one thing i want to add , great wisdom came through such common people , not from people who are running market in the name of spirituality, motivation, psychology and self improvement

[@samezidrovibes]

Just be. Be here now. All is well.

[@sivamshakthi]

Realisation of true nature/svabhava is true satisfaction, that comes from recognition and acceptance

[@whatthefunction9140]

never stop never stopping

[@gurudra]

Be yourself, your true authentic self and you will understand your uniqueness, your individuality🙏

[@jorgecaroortega8902]

It's powerful. I've been in the same place, the path is so long, but it's possible to get out of there. Excellent and thank you for let to know that other people are struggling with the same!!

[@thomaslindhansen7519]

I wish all people, especially those with powerful positions in society, saw this. Thanks for sharing.

[@aditigupta7526]

Thank you Universe, thanks Ien and tedx....after watching this i have a smile ...more love less hate...its calming to my nerves, thank u. Instead of trying to change who we are and the world 🌍 , lets be more accepting and enjoy the journey of improvement in our own pace, get more open up to each other & close to our selves.

[@maggiezhou4467]

Wow...moved to tears and learnt so much! Thank you for sharing your story

[@IenChi]

❤🙏

[@tr1ckster726]

Ian, I’ve been down this path of trying to accept yourself for all your flaws. The problem is that, you have to keep solving problems, they will always be there - but you replace your bigger problems with smaller ones as you go. I started focusing on my health and nutrition by strength training and meditating, and this in turn helped me solve my problems of body image and reducing anxiety. Good luck on your journey.

[@NanaYLeonard]

Thank you Brettt, I’m on this same journey…focusing on nutrition and strength training.

[@annatworek2071]

hi, you shared with us very big, powerful words. Radical self-acceptance is an only way to start taking action and I could add: positive self-talk in front of the mirrow :''I like myself", may change our life for the better.

[@HvnkRockCity]

"I would love to change the world, but i don't know what to do.. so i leave it up to youuuu"

[@tmmk7903]

Thank you for publishing this. I was thinking this way myself right now, and this video gave me a lot of courage. I felt like I was crawling around in pitch darkness, but now I feel like I can feel the ground and the world. Thank you.

[@CoachLove]

Be the ever-evolving you and the right people will join your journey.

[@juanmanuelgentili2152]

It seems like you were talking about myself. Thank you for this great, honest talk! We definitely need more sincerity nowadays.

[@everitadave]

Trying to accept yourself or other is an act of will. Any psychological act of Will is leading to emptiness. One has to see what is (facts) and what is not (thoughts about facts) this understanding of what is and what is not, is love.

[@silviat8759]

I feel every single word .... deep in my soul! Thank you so much.... brilliant speech

[@IenChi]

Thank you, Silvia 🙏 Grateful!

[@jent863]

Thank you for being so honest and transparent.

[@Triston_Davis]

i haven't watched a TED talk in years... I'm glad I clicked on this one. Thank you Ien.

[@silencemotivation7034]

Life is what you make of it. Always has been, always will be.

[@i.ehrenfest349]

Sure

[@txiabneeb]

Well put brother. I have been and will be a better me from now on.

[@briankivuti]

Man this hit home this morning ✨🙌🏾❤️‍🔥 it reminds me of numerous moments in my life, where I was able to let go all the trying and at once realised how ok I am and how much more rich the world became when I was able to to inhabit this space. My empathy and compassion expanded vastly, my heart open to so much more.

[@zeinabawad2653]

It's one of the talks that touched me so deeply,,,well said .

[@beverlyxu7806]

damn straight!!!! Only by introspection can one truly find their true purpose in the world. I'm so glad to find some resonance in your talk! Changing the world isn't a way to self-loathe or to pamper our ego, but giving genuinely simply because we are all a part of something bigger, and we cannot envision doing anything else that would make us as happy.

[@sandamalirajapakse5648]

Thank you Ien for sharing your sincere attempt to bring some sense into this world of unbridled aggression caused by insatiable greed. Invariably one is a bigger victim of oneself than the world and indeed the key is Self Awareness in complete honesty & the ability to accept oneself with utmost humility that yes, I err, I lose, I hurt, I get mad, I’m sad etc etc sometimes. “I” am not a static “me” but a passing creation of my own mis/guided self serving perceptions. Nothing ever remains the same. “I” change from moment to moment. We do the most harm when we try to please the world while we actually remain unfulfilled within. Our deepest responsibility towards a better world is to create the version of ourself that harms no one including myself. When we live in a world we need things for our survival. It is how you go about getting what you need & how you simplify the needs. But of course we’re creatures that scream to be fulfilled in a world that die for attention. What you present in this talk is the difference between “wanting to be” and “being”. We’re so busy “wanting to be” that we totally lose just “being”. When you say “stop changing your self” what you mean is try not to change your self so you end up feeding the needs of the world but focus on oneself. Get to know yourself, as you are really, not just that image you project externally. You are correct In this day of bombarding Social Media, it’s really tough not to go with the flow in order to be accepted by the world & to feel fulfilled, however temporarily, in external validation . We all might engage in that at a certain phase but yes, soon, reality hits home. That’s what you explain as the awards & accolades became meaningless subsequently, though not when you were chasing them. My response is much longer than I intended but lastly I urge you, live a meaningful life of purpose & gratitude. If you enjoy apples, grow apples. Weed your plot. Keep the pests & the animals out. When you harvest, share your yield Lovely listening to you. I will share it with my son.

[@IenChi]

Very grateful for your message, Sandamali. What a journey it has been to get to this point of leaping into being - and I'm still on the ups and downs as I settle into this new way. The world is indeed a crazy place with so much noise! My goodness. Right now, sometimes I think how confounding it is that we get lost in so much of that noise - but on the other side, it seems so damn simple - just being oneself... Cheers to living a meaningful life of purpose & gratitude as you say 🙏

[@mercoledi_falco]

Mahatma Gandhi said, “You must be the Change you want to see in the world.” now I totally agree with him, Gandhi.

[@creativewellnesswithtiara]

Thank you Ien... This came right when I needed it... Thank you Universe ❤

[@zoe5893]

I highly recommend the forgiveness through Jesus Christ to reconcile to God 🙏 and know where you rest for all eternity..... And give Him praise and thanks 🙏🙌👏🥰 instead giving thanks to a nonperson thing...... God became flesh in Jesus Christ is a person, human being to save us from our sins ! He paid the price on our behalf at the cross of Calvary! Your conscience tells you that one day when time is up, you gotta pay the price on judgement day, if you don't have someone who already paid for you! God loves you so much, He doesn't want you to perish instead He wants to save you and spend time with you and want to give you a new heart and spirit which only loves God and loving your neighbor and loving doing right and righteousness 🥰🙏 Choose today whom you will serve! God bless you and your house 🙌🙏🥰

[@IenChi]

I'm so glad it resonated, Tiara - thank you. Thank you, Universe! 🙏

[@daviddevlogger]

If you are reading this, know that sometimes you have to go through darkness to get to the light.... So worry no more for the lord is with you. Amen

[@lonlinessman6621]

gila sih ini, untung tiba-tiba aja nemu beginian wkwkwkw game-changer banget

[@zahraaali8728]

I so agree with you "the darkness it's will make you "

[@georgenep1082]

Amen

[@Humblequeen-m5c]

Amen 🙏🏾

[@seachel24]

Amen 🙏

[@hoomayunyaqooby1992]

it was really great I've also tried to change myself which ended in more pressure on me. we should accept ourselves the way we are. we are the best version of ourselves the way we are. thanks

[@rosemarykariuki4820]

What makes us feel exhausted is us trying to be perfect all the time.Stop trying to be perfect because we live in an imperfect world

[@ShoshanaTova1]

This was so profound, beautiful, and moving. It was exactly what I needed for where I am right now. Thank you❤

[@justinepress2118]

Great talk I needed to listen to. Self acceptance is an ongoing battle at any age.

[@MrGeenID]

One word : WoW

[@aibasei3254]

yes, everything starts with acceptance.

[@teodoratirlea4105]

wow, this just became one of my favorite tedx talks, love this message and its beautiful, gentle delivery

[@kaykim7252]

Brave story come from beautiful person. Thank you for sharing your story

[@user-lo9cw6pq7j]

Beautiful words my friend!!

[@mikely7354]

Profound and helpful for such seekers of similar circumstances, which is a lot of us.

[@Aiken47]

Yes change yourself, you are not all you can be until you do.

[@benjaminlorentsen2546]

Thank you dude.

[@mrp-1]

Like how each and every emotion and word resembles what a lot of us are going through!

[@thementalself]

Beautifully said Ien, much wisdom here. ☯️✌️🤓

[@jmayed]

I appreciate your Incredible honesty and courage towards life. Loving your Ted talk. It's exactly how I feel at the moment.

[@clairepurcell7577]

Beautifully said. Thank you for your courage in delivering this message. I felt innately since I was young that all change was aggression/relatively selfish, the imposition of our human will on a design and living creative organism much more knowing and purposeful than we are individually.... so I tended to be weary of those who sought to change the world or even when my brain wanted to change myself, I would resist this. This video reminds me of the relief i felt when I found the similar concept in the teachings of zen buddhism, or any number of parallels in the philosophies on life on earth in terms of the power dynamics between the individual and society. Also it may just be the purpose of our generation's psychological collapse, after exhausting all attempts to escape reality and ourselves which we have been sold to believe of as lacking consumers, inherently weak and flawed. The only power we have against these messages of inadequacy/self hatred is their resistance, so not abandoning ourselves but going back within. Choosing to see the self and one's humanity as it fully is--- yes that and only that is actual love. And this is free, a choice, readily available in each moment and interaction, to every one of us no matter what circumstance we are in.

[@user-lo9cw6pq7j]

Is it free the choice? Or is it destiny--

[@clairepurcell7577]

@@user-lo9cw6pq7j hahaha, well if that isn't the question! Yes I have come to believe it to be destiny of sorts....but not entirely: only in the sense that some of us (more naturally sensitive, intuitive, spiritual perhaps) on earth seem to be born into this specific type of prisonish suffering that causes urgent consciousness of the choice itself as the only way to grow/transcend/live. But I do think the choice exists here for all, its just many aren't called to awaken to it or are shown it in the wrong timeframe for it to have potent transformative-redemptive powers, or they get glimpses of it but doubt its legitimacy/importance and make due with their lives grounded in the 3D world illusion. So I guess the real question is: why are some people placed in a position to decide this choice and others not? From my understanding of pure destiny, it is what the individual creates for their lives after becoming conscious and choosing. So maybe it is a fate for some to choose this destiny.

[@christopherholvenstot9624]

Nice shift from mind to heart.

[@genithblue4457]

Thank you Ian. This is a gift 💖

[@joalblo9581]

Thank you for sharing your personal life to gift to us such profound wisdom and truth about our human experience. This kind of message will change a lot of lives. It will empower people with the knowledge they need to be free. You tried so many times in many different ways to make the world a better place but in the end all that was needed was to share your story.

[@pamelapackardball2446]

Enjoyed your viewpoint

[@david_oliveira71]

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” -Leo Tolstoy Thanks

[@aljosacebokli]

bravo Ian

[@vinithosmane5283]

Beautiful sentiments 💯❤️

[@timothychen754]

Exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you Ien!

[@amaliakuba9000]

Such a powerful speech.

[@Somomemory]

Thank you❤

[@ghizoula]

👍👍👍thanks for giving us your experience

[@zarkthemuffin]

This is a great message. It’s good to try and better yourself but you can’t do it out of not wanting to be you. Acceptance of the self is an important thing

[@Povlennebo]

Thank you

[@mcmjr405]

Thank you so much for sharing this and allowing me to see new things about myself that I had yet to have awareness of existing. 🙏 That is the most influential and inspiring TED talk I’ve ever seen!

[@IenChi]

Oh my, that's amazing! Grateful 🙏

[@jean-claudetjitamunisa2297]

🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 Thank you❤️

[@mytruth3777]

Touched me

[@ethan.wroblewski]

I love the scene on 8 mile in that rap battle where he just calls himself out so they don’t have anything to say bad about him I feel like after listening to this I just think of that scene.

[@leo-emmanueljoint155]

That's a new understanding I haven't had, thank you for sharing this with others.

[@mabuyaa8627]

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing. 🙏 I can relate.

[@bublikoff3004]

Thx, needed this kind of presentation

[@strawberrie8099]

Thank you for this. Ien, you are great!!

[@IenChi]

Thank you!

[@michellequinn3122]

Very powerful thank you 😊

[@NhuQuynh-hc9ue]

I watched the video while going through some difficulties and injustices, the pressures weighing on my heart making it hard to breathe. Thank you for your video that made me glean insights and feel better. I understand that loving oneself is recognizing who you are and accepting yourself. But can we, and should we, change the negatives? In a world fraught with injustices and maladies, should we just accept it and can't do anything to make it better?

[@ralsumaaji]

I got goosebumps. Thank you Ien

[@leomcmahan8660]

This is the best video I’ve ever watched

[@rgee10173]

🔥🔥🔥 Thank you

[@senatubee]

This speech resonates with me so much. I’m a med student and have a long way for be competent as a practitioner. My new awareness for overcome the pressure is: I accept that i’m lacking at so much point because i’m a human. So i have a very little power for contolling my surroundings. I’m not a owner of anything and i’m a guest here. Life is a experience and judging myself and allow people to judge me is foolish because i’m here for live myself and i will get judged by Allah (god) at afterlife. And God is mercyful. I pray for forgiveness to him for all of my flaws and mistakes. I will try to be thankful to Allah for my every little and big accomplishment. Because he is the one sends it and allows it to happen. May Allah leads us to the right path.💐

[@thooyamani2835]

Thank universe ❣️

[@lina5699]

This talk was wonderful. Thank you, Ien.

[@FlairLessonsFlairStepbyStep]

Thank you 🙏

[@Habibsharifalfaz]

Hello Mr Len ,, I hope you be healthy and fine, great talks Mr, Allah bless you..

[@Itsthejasonman]

Jubilee!!

[@uaeappliancerepair]

Fantastic

[@behuman3811]

9:05 hits hard

[@dewimaria2143]

this is speaking to me. Thanks Ien ❤