Speaking Up Without Freaking Out | Matt Abrahams | TEDxPaloAlto

In this informative and captivating TEDx talk, Matt Abrahams offers practical solutions to handle communication anxiety and provides tools to empower all of us to confidently share our ideas and stories.
Matt Abrahams is a passionate, collaborative and innovative educator, author and coach. At Stanford University’s Graduate School of Business, Matt teaches popular courses in Strategic Communication and Effective Virtual Presenting. He is also Co-Founder and Principal at Bold Echo Communications Solutions, a presentation and communication skills company based in Silicon Valley.
Matt recently published the third edition of Speaking Up Without Freaking Out, a book written to help those wishing to be more confident and compelling communicators. Prior to teaching, Matt held senior leadership positions at several software companies, where he created and ran global learning and development organizations. When not teaching and coaching, Matt enjoys spending time with his family, hiking, martial arts and eating dessert.
For more information about TEDxPaloAlto please visit www.tedxpaloalto.com.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@aleksagordic9593]

0:00 Why is it important? -> in order to share your ideas effectively and efficiently with your audience you need to be calm (and there's a lot you have to say so it's worth it) 4:00 Where does the anxiety come from? -> it's a survival method from days long past - fighting for status, so it's basically in our DNA Managing physiological symptoms: 5:35 if you are anxious, in general -> take a deep breath before you start 5:50 if you shake -> gesture broadly 6:00 if you perspire or blush -> hold something cold in your hand (not sure how this is practical though :P ) Managing cognitive symptoms -> greet your "anxiety", accept it (it's actually just energy you can perceive it as either additional energy for your talk or anxiety) Managing sources (TL;DR - make your talk a structured conversation with your audience) 7:55 (1) "I'm afraid I'm going to forget" -> have a map, a structure like e.g. "what, so what, now what" structure 8:55 (2) We feel the audience is exercising judgment on us -> redirect attention (show a video, ask a question, etc.) (note: (2) is also solved if you exercise (3)) 9:35 (3) If it feels like a performance -> reframe it as a conversation (put your attention on your audience, use conversational language (us, you, we), ask questions) And remember it takes time and will to get out of the comfort zone.

[@deathstroke8639]

Thank you

[@MAMP]

Rock on Aleksa

[@ABEDNEGOAR12]

thank you for the summary!

[@kendallzody2132]

wow. thank you so much

[@lighthousetarot1354]

Ty!

[@mehdikhadem2576]

They should be teaching this stuff at schools. our educational system is F***ed up!

[@rachelestoops4384]

We are. I'm literally doing a lesson on communication anxiety today, and found this video to supplement.

[@jamietedeschi9016]

I do teach this! Science Communication at University of Western Australia!

[@lornecooke1072]

You're just going to the wrong school. This stuff is part and parcel of my Drama courses, my Multimedia course, even my Business Technology course, to name the obvious ones.

[@mattlehnardt8035]

first thing they should teach- not using profanity or mind-numbed placeholders for actual thought when conveying your intentions.

[@whatiswrongwithme5375]

@@lornecooke1072 He is talking about India. The system is pathetic over there.

[@rogerharsh]

I get nervous even when teacher ask me question in class😥 But never loose your passion and don't choose career for only money We are introverts! { Edited }

[@emmanuelchuks5627]

Harsh Wakchaure same

[@hareemarshad8632]

Same

[@laurazucchiatti8761]

I used to when I was in high school.

[@youqifan4853]

Gosh I thought I was the only one... I'm studying abroad and English is not my mother language but I need to use it to present everything... I felt so bad every time I finish the presentation thinking "I ruined it again"

[@ayl826]

@@youqifan4853 你好！我是个美国学生在中国学习！上台报告以后，用中文我也有一样的感觉。。

[@prashantpatare7694]

I never saw such a confident, calm and positive speaker before... I can feel that I can stand on this same TED stage with far less fear if I am standing with this guy... Wish this guy was my personal guide in my childhood..

[@c0deventures]

You said everything I was going to. He's absolutely amazing in presentation!

[@visiondream127u7]

Truee

[@CC-bj5jq]

I'm literally watching this because I'm the maid of honour at my sisters wedding and I want to give her and my future brother in law a meaningful speech they can feel happy and proud of. I have terrible stage freight and anxiety... but the goal is so much more important to me that I will push through . Wish me luck guys

[@ifrathjahan6089]

Hope it goes well 🤩 Do your best and rest will be okayyy 🌟

[@peacefulgirl8324]

Good luck and congrats to ur sister, may she and her other half live happy and healthy ❤💕

[@bryanb7257]

you got this

[@thanos9400]

I wish you luck midgardian

[@siddiqs2563]

Wish u all the best. I hope u will do it well. May be you have done.

[@HH-mf3cq]

I’m about to present in like 20 minutes I’m so scared wish me luvk

[@scofishcheiman5267]

How did it go

[@lordwhatever3957]

scofish cheiman she passed away in class. Rip :(

[@scofishcheiman5267]

@@lordwhatever3957 ...hahahaha

[@mosesukwenya5605]

Legeng says she's still scared up till this day... ☺

[@ayoubmedni1781]

how is it going ? and what do you feel now after 4 months from your presentation ?

[@Hifirrrr]

I think every moment I spent watching this is gold. But he seriously 'woke' me up when he said that our mentality in putting conversation with others as a 'performance' which indicates there is right/wrong, - is the main reason why are we always freaking out when communicating. there is no right and wrong when communicating with human beings - and we should not always aim for the correct ways, but to ensure the person gets what we are trying to say.

[@makositali4224]

My problem is my shaking voice. I usually have my presentation or content well prepared but delivering the content to an audience is always a challenge. I literally sound like someone crying😪😪

[@ebraaarrr]

or someone about to cry mooodd

[@howardjordan1486]

I have similar issues ,I find it helpful to find places to pause the regather my breath it’s usually that I’m hyperventilating that my voice is shaking, I’ve also found if I can ask a question of the audience early also helps make it more of a conversation than a speech or a lecture.

[@greensleeves32]

Practicing good non-verbal techniques and room control works really well here. People see and feel your energy more than they hear it in your voice. Gesture and command space, good posture and deliberate pauses. Hand gestures, some eye contact and balancing your open body around the room works wonders more than clever words

[@Distance_Bonds24]

Lol…that’s me!

[@alexaannejay]

There’s a Ted talk about the power of the voice and how confidence is rooted in the voice. One of the tips she gives is practicing singing as a hobby. Learning that sort of control of the voice and your diaphragm can really help!

[@prashantpatare7694]

I get too much fricked out by just imaging myself on a stage... I have insidents where I had gone complete blank on stage and thus someone else had to take over. It was a very embarrassing experience. I hate myself being so fearefull, terrified about public speaking. I also wish to be confident and normal like many others. I am sad inside due to this. But I have hope that somehow oneday I will overcome all these fears and that I will become a good speaker. That day I will come back here and will comment on this same message. Wish me luck for this.

[@user-hs3nx7ym1e]

Best of luck 👍

[@kyalovibes4295]

Get yourself on stage more, practice makes perfect.

[@irsyadhassan151]

Good luck ma mayn I believe in you

[@GodOfFools]

So how's it going now

[@jesuschrististhesaviour9511]

Hehe whtass up yo

[@ShrimpPerr]

OMG my high school English teacher!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰

[@ShrimpPerr]

I was a sophomore though so we were COOL 😎 lol

[@zaidmaulanamaruf559]

Where is actually he teach at?

[@ShadowXg0z]

he's now a legend

[@Zetsuke4]

So jealous

[@Nice_spot]

Shrimp Ball luck you

[@CassandraBankson]

*Your class was one of the greatest I've ever taken! Thanks for continuing to spread new angles of this info and advice beyond the classroom :) So appreciated!*

[@yamunagurung8145]

Cassandra Bankson 😲😮😮😲😲😲😲😲😲🌟🐶🐱🐭

[@molecule00madness]

He sounds so prepared, even memorised his lines, certainly not an extempore, impromptu, off the cuff speech.

[@golammostafa7498]

I would like to talk you English. if you agree, you can knock me. my FB ID Name BTS Mostsfa. you can add me,talk me and enjoy.

[@alejandrofernandez1265]

This is awesome and I'm so grateful this exists. However, this isn't my first time watching this or any other similar videos.. yet STILL, my anxiety controls my life. For no reason my brain completely blanks at every single public speaking interaction I've ever had in my life. Working at a restaurant, going to school, meetings.. I could prepare the most perfect speech.. memorize every word for word.. but as soon as it matters my brain shuts off

[@user-uf3ee2jk7z]

@James Charles Try this app. It's free, but realistic sounds...! I conquered insomnia. I swear!! + It has No ads. On Android Playstore, search "Cozy sleep Sounds" full name is : " Cozy sleep Sounds -relax with nature stress relief "

[@suchanuch1]

no matter how many of these i listen too, when I'm actually in front of the class my whole body freeze and I farts out all my knowledge at that moment

[@billlove8954]

Hahahahahahaaaa

[@aliobaid6230]

Watch out " A dialogue to kill the fear of publics peaking TEDx"

[@fathifathi8750]

Me too i've just made a presentation and it was hooooooooooorrible hooorrible hooorrible 😑😑😑

[@AlysonFranz]

If that's happening, simple techniques are probably not enough. But there are more powerful techniques that can work for you!

[@AlysonFranz]

@@fathifathi8750 I'm sorry to hear that! But you can get beyond the fear, I promise. You just haven't found the right intervention. What have you tried so far?

[@samc7312]

My hearting is pounding so fast every time when I’m about to talk. Even I take a deep breath and tell myself, I can do this, it does not work. When I’m talking to people in the meeting virtually, my heart is still racing fast and sometimes my voice is shaking( not sure if people can notice), then my brain can’t relax and function properly as I’m in a ralexing and normal state. I always end up saying wrong things that I was so regret later. I just can’t control my nervousness and control myself in that moment all the time. I have never seen anyone in my life that has the same level of nervousness/anxiety as I do. Even worst, I forget what I need to say because my brain is just turning blank. I hate myself so much after each time I talk. I have had nervousness for years!

[@areebahkhalifa7725]

I get the same type of anxiety

[@samc7312]

@@areebahkhalifa7725 how are you doing now? How do you cope it?

[@anabelalves9824]

I feel you. I’m in my late thirties, and it’s not getting any better. I’m always super conscious that even small talks with family member, i stutter.

[@natalisiller8952]

We are not alone, it think this feeds more our anxiety thinking we are the only ones with the “problem” I have avoided opportunities that will help me be successful but I really have self doubt due to my anxiety I automatically let these scenarios run in my head on how it will prevent my true potential. I want to be an early head start teacher. I love to help children grow and help them reach their milestones and I would always find myself thinking that my fear and anxiety will make me the worst teacher and will not allow me to really participate and perform like the others. I felt alone and incapable of showing my skills.

[@FzR123]

Your anxiety is similar to mine, with time passing sometimes I think its getting better but once I m in a real situation I freak out. When I have recorded myself in a presentation I was chocked, I found that most of this sensations are just in my head and I was not too bad and it started giving me confidence over time. I'm not yet relaxed but I feel little bit better than before. I m stressed weeks before any presentation I thought many times to quit any job that involves me into speaking in front of people because preparation and breathing never helped me. The fact that I'm overthinking is the motor of this kind of situation and the fuel is every thought you felt bad about yourself in the past. You are not alone, I'm just like you and I'll try anything to make myself feel better before speaking in front of a public. Do you feel that's always in the beginning and it's getting better when someone interrupt you and speak, it gives your heart a break to calm down and then you feel yourself capable to do better even if it's not perfect. It's not a curse, you and I and people like us have just the most developed capacity to detect a dangerous situation, we would survive better than anyone in nature but unfortunately this is not helping in a modern society but I have a hope that one day we will figure out how to manage this anxiety. I don't want to use beta blockers those are medicines that can stop the heart from jumping high , It's not really helping because it's just not you and you cannot use them many times and for long period because those are for blood pressure patients do better to focus on how the hijack our mind to stop overthinking. I wish you luck.

[@wegotthis3031]

Oh my. He's definitely the perfect speaker for this topic. He is so eloquent and calm.

[@angelelelelalalalalelae]

"Reasearch shares with us that 85% of people, feel anxious in high stake speaking situations. And quite frankly, I think the other 15% *are lying*" Exposed

[@roasyalrasiah4243]

My be lying ,but have confident outside .

[@wellbodisalone]

Remember that there isn't a perfect way to communicate. Each person has a style to convey ideas.

[@doncev1788]

oh i just did one. I couldnt sleep week before speech, i couldnt eat. And i just practiced. Recorded on video, said it over and over in front of a mirror. And when i was standing in front of 100 ppl i just started talking, because this is what I had to do. I just spoke, didnt look at the notes, messed up a bit cos still i was very nervous. Stopped. Concentrated, picked it up. Had few jokes. Looked at peoples eyes. And it was weird as if i watched myself from the side. It wasnt me at all. And people loved it. Somebody said: ive never heard you talking for so long :))) It was great experience! Just prepare and do it :)

[@Bchdoll]

This is awesome and I'm so grateful this exists. However, this isn't my first time watching this or any other similar videos.. yet STILL, my anxiety controls my life. For no reason my brain completely blanks at every single public speaking interaction I've ever had in my life. Working at a restaurant, going to school, meetings.. I could prepare the most perfect speech.. memorize every word for word.. but as soon as it matters my brain shuts off

[@jumano]

Oh trust me there's a plethora of reasons. I'm the same. The cause is always childhood trauma. However you can fight your issues by learning from people like this and working really really hard for months, if not years.

[@jeremyadinugraha89]

Thank you. Such a relieve. I will greet my social anxiety.

[@xushnudabdullayev6248]

He speaks very fluently and understandable. This kind of talk is beneficial for people especially the people who are learning english

[@danstarfella8303]

This is just want I needed today. Thank you

[@RohitGandrakota]

Awesome! I agree with Cassandra below. One of the best classes I ever took. Thanks again.

[@evi3902]

i really love the way this guy talks! he is so confident and calm!

[@tracyartstylepaintingsston25]

Great words said thank you

[@sureshkumarpradhan4756]

Today was my school speech for ASL, and I used your mind map technique. I never stopped anywhere and the whole class was listening me quietly. Thank you so much ❤️❤️

[@tata_koya_v9398]

I hope one day I am on that stage, giving a speech.

[@hsmith4100]

you are an amazing speaker! highly motivating thank you

[@saminyasaranabil920]

His voice is really awesome!!!

[@cette_cacophonie]

Imagine having built your whole life career based on something your english teacher said. We never think before we speak and hurt others, we never care if our words have an impact on their lives and their emotions.

[@josephajah81]

I really love the way you present; easy, relaxed, conversational.

[@parbrahm4MS]

One of the best speeches on managing anxiety.. It will really help.. Thank you for bringing it for us..

[@sakatube4136]

So clear and soft

[@olumideodeyemi9749]

I love this presenter. Your message perfect.

[@countrylife9368]

Absolutely helpful! Especially to me. 👍👍👍

[@rrbkumar7385]

I love this ted talk so much!! I am feeling very excited and looking forward to speaking up again with people around me. ❤️🙏

[@alibeaumont-filder3185]

Spot on ... thank you .. valuable diverse voices .

[@kidaniels8199]

You are in service of their needs...i like it Ask questions...good...it also causes audience to engage while thinking

[@2bethankful48]

Nice job! He mastered this speach no better than I have ever seen anyone do.

[@pavankumaraitipamula3551]

started conversation with his story, and emotionally connected to audience , this helps to keep focus on him

[@architectMd]

Matt Abraham’s speech on Speaking up without Freaking our is superbly inspirational and beneficial for every public speaker! God Almighty Bless!

[@johnbabatunde647]

Simply the best!

[@dolejsmichal]

Amazing. THANK YOU!

[@chadwordsmith9121]

This topic is near and dear to my heart. Well done, sir!

[@ilyanemihin6029]

Very useful recommendations! And example of absolutely controlled, targeted and calm speaching.

[@you6382tube]

7:59 best part -- What? So What? Now What? 9:05 Redirect audience attention -- have them focus on something else. Large audience: show a video clip, take an informal poll, (ask participants turn to a person next to them to interact / Q & A for one minute) One-one-one or small group: distribute a handout, ask a question... 10:38 Reframe a speech as simply a conversation. Attention on the audience, use "we", "our", and ask questions of the audience --- more engaging.

[@souheilsaidane9081]

thank you ! you have really helped me

[@mirnadeem4782]

thank you so much for sharing such a priceless and unified ideas .

[@LonjeMarie7]

This has helped me tremendously I have so much to give I do Comedy but I just recently started doing stand up ,that is one of the most courageous things I have ever done ,thank you I will use some of these techniques great advice!

[@arinne6557]

I love the tip to do a question in the start! It really works !

[@2010Khushi]

Found this very useful. Thanks for sharing.

[@kkssam9266]

Thank you Matt this is really helpful!

[@ellmarich]

Absolutely profound!

[@ideajets4488]

Appreciate him for this awsome message!!!

[@pranavnaik1947]

Amazing! Thank you this is really helpful

[@MuhammedBasil]

What an amazing session. Worth every second spent !!!

[@takagota2037]

So easy to get It. You make it easy. Congatulations...

[@ahmadazher984]

one of the lectures that ll certainly CHANGE MY LIFE

[@badriprajapat]

Wow one of finest speech and clearly explained..

[@sylviakamvumuleja1334]

I will Forever be grateful. Thx a lot.

[@hediehabed3803]

After seeing this video and your advice, I can give a more powerful lecture without any anxiety.....and thank you so much.

[@ianmunoz45]

Thank you very much for this video

[@salesinteract3299]

Great talk.

[@drzakiajabariwasiq]

Very important points,thanks alot

[@tonymureithi6257]

Taking a giant leap to building bold , confident and compelling conversations

[@eyyyka]

You're amazing, Matt! Thank you so much for this! May I muster the courage to speak in the crowd just like you! You inspired me sooo much! 🙏

[@arlinegeorge6967]

Interesting talk . Thank you, bless you. All your dreams come true .

[@curlymixednezz]

This was so insightful... you're a great speaker

[@patriciapalmer3899]

Bravo! I teach college students the soft skills they need to get jobs and succeed in the workplace. We cover, among other things, networking interviewing, and interacting with colleagues, bosses, subordinates, and/or the general public. I will definitely be incorporating this video into one of our first lessons of the semester. Mark Abraham offers outstanding advice on how to overcome the anxiety associated with interpersonal communication on the job or anywhere. You CAN overcome your fear of speaking, even if you decided long ago that it isn't possible. I've seen it happen over and over in the classroom in individuals who come in terrified to speak in front of others and finally win out over their anxiety. It takes willingness, determination and PRACTICE. Begin where you are, and do not give up!

[@ablefrancis2365]

Thanks for sharing this idea

[@Lottiya]

My favourite Ted Talk 💖

[@ebonistephens6992]

Great speech and excellent information. Thank you for sharing

[@72seeker72]

Excellent speech.

[@elli4464]

Thank you!

[@silentmotor]

Really really awesome! Great advise and respect !

[@thomas_shelby02]

He is speaking up so that I can fully understand him without captions. I appreciate it a lot.

[@khadijahsaadi3917]

Thank you so much , it is really useful .

[@piyushverma3529]

Tomorrow i'm having an interview and it has really helped me. I was feeling really jittery but now i am feeling good.

[@Commentator227]

Very good!!! Thank you!

[@madelynnstibbard3564]

This is the best TedTalk that I've watched in a long time

[@emanfarhad4183]

Really amazing

[@Jen999]

Absolutely loved this! Would appreciate more videos in this format...really liked the section on conversation jumping..please do more of these..learned a lot and would like to learn more..Thank you!

[@fumehclaudette8628]

Amazing presentation. I've been suffering from anxiety since I was a kid. I'm going to try all you mentioned. Thank you

[@knowledgeleader6896]

Excellent and wonderful thank you I appreciate your analysis

[@vjwvlnsg1563]

A superb presentation with a basketful of valuable kernels, personally a great refresher and honed my presentation edges. Thank you and appreciated

[@rashadjaveed274]

The clarity and simplicity could make a willing reflections by any listener for maturing future actions .

[@jihaanmakwana8290]

This was soooooo helpful.

[@versavx3]

Thank youuuu I really loved thisssss

[@gmfm1749]

Thank you Matt this is very informative

[@bitu3217]

Yes that is true. I have realised that I am a nice man but don't have the skill to communicate in a public or in a meeting . I told myself enough is enough and dedicating myself to a course completely. I will dedicate this year to improve my speaking skill. And I will do it.

[@candykandy]

Shoutout to everyone with social anxiety using this to conquer negative thoughts

[@soffydozzy3741]

This is so true

[@doreendsouza8862]

This is the most motivating speech ..so useful to me ..Thank you sir ..

[@KrikMusic]

Excellent talk - thanks

[@ariannecantor6140]

this is a wonderful talk! love this

[@invisibleluminescence6896]

This is somethin' what i'm looking for. Thank you :-) :-)

[@MrMattandy3]

This is great. Thanks

[@ZAEMMUSIC]

I looked at him and i realized this ‘ Change ur heads direction every three seconds ‘

[@aestheticdesigner]

Thanks it's much appreciated

[@tabassumrahmansimi5161]

Thanks to this video... Finally i realised how i got my anxieties... I used to be a good speaker at school... And i remember once i attended specking show and... The topic which was chosen for me was new to me.. And i did terrible job front of my teachers and all the students and after that i started to minimize my conversation and started to think that maybe i can't talk front of people..maybe it’s my physical problem that can't be changed... And now when I'm in College i really want to talk front of people better but....now i know where from all of that came! Whatever i want to change now! I'm practicing a lot and i hope that i will be a good speaker again!

[@yogeshsharma1102]

U r really amazing orator,great