Why your birth order is a blessing and a curse | Pavel Mischenko | TEDxBocaRaton

[@faraway3927]

I came here for comfort as a middle child, and got the minimum attention.... As always

[@Julie.Canada]

Typical! 😂

[@lefse2278]

Hahah! So true! He thinks starting out with us was enough 😜

[@pavelmischenko1556]

@@lefse2278 exactly!!!))

[@victorumobi865]

😭😭😭

[@beckamurage8382]

Me too 🤣🤣

[@thekingsheiress5924]

Going through all the comments about being an eldest child comforts me a great lot and makes me feel I am not alone in my struggles ❤ Thank you. Sending virtual hugs to all the eldest child ❤😊

[@pavelmischenko1556]

Thank you! Yes, my hope for this TEDx talk was not only to show the power of our childhood repetitive experiences (our history) and provide some awareness comfort....Yet, also say that by becoming aware of that programming - now we could make other choices...now it is up to us! We are much more than "The eldest", "youngest", "only" ...let's break FREE and go DEEPER...becoming whom we truly ARE!

[@jenniferkay9799]

I am the last child of 7. My age is 44 years old. I have to be the “responsible “ one who takes care of both of my aging parents. My other siblings have refused. They won’t even take them to a simple Dr appointment. I am always scared that I may make a wrong decision, however, I must trust myself that I am doing the best job that I possibly can and it’s definitely not easy!!

[@youtubesuckss7058]

Jennifer Sisson 👏🏾 nice one you're a diamond pls keep being the best

[@archnaverma9105]

God bless you....

[@jacquelinethereseplunkett221]

Well done!

[@citizenofnowhere7776]

You are doing great. All these research are not the ruler to be used to compare. Every family has its own dynamics.

[@xyz987123abc]

Your choice.

[@kingofthemultiverseforever893]

I am the firstborn and I hate it. My family expects me to a be good role model even though I'm only 1 year older than my brother. They have so many UNREALISTIC expectations of me that they don't have for my brother. On top of that my family was and occasionally still is not only emotional but also physically abusive. So I try to live up to their expectations since I was 5 years old because I was scared of what would happen to me if I don't and now I can't break this habit anymore and I don't know what to do.

[@pavelmischenko1556]

My friend, you have made the most important step - you became aware of that "programming" you did not chose. Most of the people are on that powerful autopilot - "parents pleasing and seeking their recognition. Now the question - what do YOU want in this lifetime? What kind of person you like to be? Of course, parents are important and should be respected and listened to but after listening - you think first - what is the best for you and then do what you have decided is the best for you. It is easy to say and difficult to do...yet step by step - you can do that. I am sixty now and still a struggle but awareness and listening to your inner voice (soul) helps. Good luck!

[@kingofthemultiverseforever893]

@@pavelmischenko1556 Thank you for your advice and for your kind words.

[@pavelmischenko1556]

@@kingofthemultiverseforever893 smth I wrot before about the first borns...usually programmed the heaviest! Need to take a real effort to break free from being "goodie-goodie" first-born and learn sometimes! not to give a damn about things that others expect from them. Though it was not our choice to be oldest...It is very hard...if one cannot do the above...at least learn how to truly enjoy the process of meeting others expectations...again - learn to do that for YOU not others...we did not chose our native language....but the good news - we can learn other languages)) that's why I am talking about habits! habits can be changed....the main question is life - WHO do YOU think YOU ARE...listen to your inner voice more and define yourself Richard Bach: "You are always free to change your mind, and choose a different future, or a different past" sounds crazy ...but ultimately very true

[@serpentinewolf7085]

I know it’s rough but power through and protect them. That’s the best we can do.

[@howto-wiki8291]

Stop complaining. You should be the role model… how about take responsibility the way your parents tried teaching you. Instead of crying , and complaining and being jealous that your parents had another kid.

[@katg-nw5tc]

Youngest of six - found that making my family laugh worked, and got me the much needed attention I needed. A bit neglected, as mom had six kids under the age of eight, she was overwhelmed. I became a very funny person, and did skits in front of thousands and the more they laughed the funnier I became, and my creativity became lightning fast. It changed the way my brain works as I still come up with hilarious comments. Makes these TED talks make so much sense.

[@reneljugarap5103]

We're 6 siblings in the family. I'm the eldest, got my degree with minimal support from parents and had a job. Now that I'm earning, I feel like all the responsibilities have been put into me. My parents are expecting me to send my siblings to college and these expectations pressured me a lot. I'm in these stage of building up my career and still pursuing my master's degree. Yet based on personal experience, I can say that it is not easy to become the firstborn in the family specially when you came from chaotic and financially unstable household. My family and relatives around have set unrealistic expectations and expected me to carry out all the obligations towards my siblings which has drained me mentally, financially and emotionally. Sometimes, I would like to disappear and never come back 😢

[@pavelmischenko1556]

Thank you for sharing your story........... Do you know the safety rules when we fly in the airplane - put the oxygen mask fist on yourself and ONLY THEN on the people who are dependent on you. The mightier and wealthier you become - the more benefits will receive your family. You have to find the right balance for you to continue with your success first. Everybody will lose if you lose...

[@greggreg5723]

I understand

[@RareGem-82]

I feel you..sounds like my life 🥲

[@iambeiam]

I’m a first born. As first born we were programmed to shine and be the provider on auto pilot, and never did anyone look our way. I echo your pain. It took me 45 years to tell my family, that it is the person who supports the family most who they should listen too and support in return, and not the weakest. Because if something bad happens to me, the whole family goes down the drain. Of course it’s easier said than done, but I made a good start with that thinking.

[@nocturnalwolf7559]

This is just a sugar coat. Being a middle child really sucks. You get everything last including love if it's there that is. I'm in my mid 20s and still lives at home (our family is not rich have to stay home and help with rent) but only me who pays the rent, my older brother is an engineer, my younger brother is a software engineer and I'm just a kitchen hand. Life is not fair

[@muhammadsiddiqmuhiddinov1590]

Arnold Agrees just don’t pay see what they do

[@deetor5551]

You just dont know your super powers yet. Always remember the smart quiet child will be taken advantage of. Leave and see your powers in action!

[@gmwilliamsful]

Yes, being a middle child SUCKS. Middle children are nonentities. That explains why they are THE MOST ATTENTION SEEKING out of all the birth orders.

[@imnotanatheist8225]

Arnold Agrees true AF

[@MOTIVATIONBYDAR]

Read the book "No more Mr Nice Guy"

[@teawai8891]

I'm the eldest child by 3 mins... his points were accurate

[@MisterVitaMan]

Here in 2024, I listened to the whole thing and as far as I can see the muddle children have no curse except for the ones forced upon them by others.

[@Laura-vl6db]

As a youngest, I am always babied, viewed as useless, not fit for the world, constantly disregarded and compared. You have no value and no one turns to you for help because you don’t know any better. You don’t know what you’re good at because you’re never challenged and you’re rarely praised. No one expects anything of you so you don’t know what to expect in yourself. You have to watch the eldest succeed and no one is surprised you didn’t because “You never had a shot anyway.”

[@pavelmischenko1556]

Birth Order programming though powerful is still just a fraction of ourselves...I did that TEDx talk so people become more aware and get the courage to BREAK FREE from the experience we did not chose...we are much more than this.. .“You're always free to change your mind and choose a different future, or a different past.” ― Richard Bach

[@frauchen9864]

The saddest person is the eldest. The answer from the parents is always NO and nothing really belongs to you cause you always need to share

[@pavelmischenko1556]

@ Frau Chen You got it!!! they usually programmed the heaviest! Need to take a real effort to break free from being "goodie-goodie" first-born and learn sometimes! not to give a damn about things that others expect from them. Though it was not our choice to be oldest...It is very hard...if one cannot do the above...at least learn how to truly enjoy the process of meeting others expectations...again - learn to do that for YOU not others...we did not chose our native language....but the good news - we can learn other languages)) that's why I am talking about habits! habits can be changed....the main question is life - WHO do YOU think YOU ARE...listen to your inner voice more and define yourself Richard Bach: "You are always free to change your mind, and choose a different future, or a different past" sounds crazy ...but ultimately very true

[@abaowusu-biney7072]

agreeeedddd

[@cholericqlare]

The trigger is real 😭

[@serpentinewolf7085]

I don’t think I’m sad, I’m angry. I’m angry how the parents hurt my siblings and put them in danger.

[@pavelmischenko1556]

@@serpentinewolf7085 Dear Alpha Serpent, it is tough job to be a "responsible and caring oldest". Anger could be very much understandable, yet my "old man" advise is often - manage your emotions first, let your brilliant IQ (Oldest are the smartest by research findings) work - think it through very much and only then - act. Remember you have a lot of power within.

[@the100radsstalker93]

I'm the eldest and i hate it..God save you if any of your younger siblings turn out to be more intelligent or financially successful than you. You'll be stuck in a purgatory all your life. But then again everyone has different circumstances in life.

[@pavelmischenko1556]

Dear The 100 Rads, one of the reasons I have paid my tribute to the Birth Order psychological programming is that by becoming aware of us being "oldest", "only", "youngest" etc. - I believe, we can break free from that autopilot programming. It is just a part of us, and we did not have a choice in our childhood. Yet, now that we are aware what happened to us - we have more choices as adults. We are much deeper that birth order stuff...let's go there:)!

[@the100radsstalker93]

@@pavelmischenko1556 Thanks.. I feel slightly better but this problem still haunts me.

[@howto-wiki8291]

Your being jealous and hateful of your own blood. So what if they are smarter than you or make more money?? Your jealous of the respect they’d get? Your frustrated with how for once in your life , you wouldn’t not be living up to your parents expectations… you got no idea buddy. Being the youngest. Your given no respect as an individual, your words are dog poop compared to your older siblings nobody hears you out, nobody respects you even if you do something great , it could of always been better . Whereas you older siblings are always given your props, always given your responsibility, always given your respect. Always heard out. When your the youngest nobody lets you speak, you might develop a studder and severe social anxiety and social deficiency skills.. but all you can complain about is not getting that respect or love from your mother. You don’t even care about your younger sibling.

[@kennethgithinji5631]

I'm a last born.... I'll tell you one thing, I want to revolutionize and make things different

[@pavelmischenko1556]

Go for it!

[@HomeFrendsten]

As second, I am caring and responsible, but lack emotional support , some made me codependent due to their selfish motive

[@dab0331]

He didn't say anything about us middle children

[@koolstory3867]

It’s literally in the first 30second

[@lostswamp4003]

Did you even watch the video?

[@mason4903]

still tho just 30 sec???

[@PurpleOtakuBB]

I'm definitely the eldest but my roles and habits are more of youngest... I'm definitely indecisive and I don't have the qualities or habits the eldest learn in childhood.

[@Corland44]

I'm an only child and I think it's a little different for female only children. It's also interesting with people who have one sibling who is much older or much younger because they sort of have an only child mentality.

[@howto-wiki8291]

Your lucky.

[@jeniferjohn9820]

For the middle they says they don't get attention... Younger says iam always kept.... But no one says about the struggle or the pain the eldest had in there life. People in comments proved " my business is always tough" 🙂

[@pavelmischenko1556]

Pavel Mischenko 10 months ago @King of the Multiverse Forever smth I wrot before about the first borns...usually programmed the heaviest! Need to take a real effort to break free from being "goodie-goodie" first-born and learn sometimes! not to give a damn about things that others expect from them. Though it was not our choice to be oldest...It is very hard...if one cannot do the above...at least learn how to truly enjoy the process of meeting others expectations...again - learn to do that for YOU not others...we did not chose our native language....but the good news - we can learn other languages)) that's why I am talking about habits! habits can be changed....the main question is life - WHO do YOU think YOU ARE...listen to your inner voice more and define yourself Richard Bach: "You are always free to change your mind, and choose a different future, or a different past" sounds crazy ...but ultimately very true

[@pavelmischenko1556]

Oldest usually keep that struggle inside without sharing...unfortunately impacts their physical health.

[@ribkan4759]

6:57 born to rebel book

[@HeatherRose2023]

The youngest have to think outside the box because there isn’t anything left...not even the box.

[@pavelmischenko1556]

Exactly...the more challenges were - the stronger creative and playful you are now )...

[@TheSouthIsHot]

My mother is the second born of five, and the first daughter of three daughters. I'm the last born of four, and the only daughter. I think you have explained why my mother and I have completely different methods of solving problems and engaging in creativity.

[@pavelmischenko1556]

Your mother could act like a "Queen" since she was the first and the oldest daughter. and probably was put in charge a lot where she had to make creative problem solving for others in decisive and may be even dominant way...you as a youngest of three older brothers - typically more - as a "Princess" who drives men around her crazy like you might have done with your brothers, yet in a loving and charming way they adore...could be wrong though...I got a bad flu now and so fantasy goes wild with fever)) Happy Holidays!!!:)

[@TheSouthIsHot]

@@pavelmischenko1556 You are very wrong but thank you for trying. 😊

[@TheSouthIsHot]

@@pavelmischenko1556 Ohmygosh I just realized you are the person in the video. You are still very wrong but I appreciate your feedback. Especially with a fever!😄

[@pavelmischenko1556]

@@TheSouthIsHot Thank you for your feedback. For me... it means you and your mother managed to break free from that childhood programming) ...if you read some of the comments - you will see it is not easy... Congrats and Happy New Year! :)

[@TheSouthIsHot]

@@pavelmischenko1556 Thank you and Happy New Year to you as well!

[@harad.5934]

Unfortunately, I am the eldest in our family and I should be able to bring the bacon for them and also be the smartest and creative among my siblings to make my business boom with them (my family).

[@pavelmischenko1556]

@Hara D. 1 second ago You got it!!! they usually programmed the heaviest! Need to take a real effort to break free from being "goodie-goodie" first-born and learn sometimes! not to give a damn about things that others expect from them. Though it was not our choice to be oldest...It is very hard...if one cannot do the above...at least learn how to truly enjoy the process of meeting others expectations...again - learn to do that for YOU not others...we did not chose our native language....but the good news - we can learn other languages)) that's why I am talking about habits! habits can be changed....the main question is life - WHO do YOU think YOU ARE...listen to your inner voice more and define yourself Richard Bach: "You are always free to change your mind, and choose a different future, or a different past" sounds crazy ...but ultimately very true

[@mariasebastian5276]

You are bragging. How can you say you are the smartest

[@pavelmischenko1556]

@@mariasebastian5276 Actually research findings prove that...first-borns do have higher IQ...yet it is high EQ that makes you happy:))

[@raquell7]

This is accurate for my family

[@LisaRachelle]

Bravo! Great points!

[@pavelmischenko1556]

Thank you! Which ones? What do they mean for you?

[@AsiyaIammuah]

I’m the last child and im definitely really innovative but I definitely do say things without thinking when I’m emotional. I’ve been working on it but it’s hard lol And I got no corner time as a kid lol

[@howto-wiki8291]

I think it’s becUse it happend to us from our own siblings .

[@loekvader7890]

Enjoyed it as always Pavel, great :)

[@pavelmischenko1556]

thank you, Loek)

[@lutzoxy]

That's really interesting and informative. Truely enjoyed watching it! Pavel, you're simple the B-E-S-T!

[@China-Clay]

I am a middle child that now in my 60s, lucky enough to mop up after all the incompetence of my older siblings, no choice in the matter, I guess you always have a choice, but here we are

[@pavelmischenko1556]

According to the BOTH (Birth Order Typical Habits) Model "Middles" have an opportunity to develop very high Emotional Intelligence that correlates with leadership success in life. Those middle who happen to be ambitious could reach amazing heights with lots of good for the humans around them:)

[@joncena168]

I’m a middle child!!!!

[@lauryn2868]

Me too.

[@patrick707100]

Much better Ted Talk on Birth Order by a High School student, Finn McCarthy., Watch. Great presentation by a teenager very close to the source.

[@seanyboystocky]

That was fantastic Pavel

[@pavelmischenko1556]

thank you)

[@TheSouthIsHot]

What if we're the last born but we think it's a mistake? My twin brother was pulled out of the c-section first. If we had been born naturally, I would have come out first.

[@pavelmischenko1556]

BOTH model is about your psychological childhood experiences...their repetition forms relationship habits in our limbic system of the brain...it is not about chronology...

[@conniehernandez4671]

Yes I am the middle yes🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

[@deekshakhattar7534]

Me too don't u feel bad sometimes?

[@hilariousboi7213]

I don’t know what my parents are doing but these seem wack for my siblings

[@formckinzieandkclilboiagat1571]

jesus loves you !

[@adamk4608]

i’m a minor. This jesus guy is a pedofile

[@FreddyGomezThinksTooMuch]

Thank you for your research.

[@v.dargain1678]

He should apply this research to gerontology

[@person8834]

There needs to be personality research on twins and different types and birth orders of twins :( I didn’t see much For example, I’m a girl with a guy twin, so I wonder if we’re more likely to be tomboys?

[@pavelmischenko1556]

Thank you, I will be looking more for that.

[@person8834]

@@pavelmischenko1556 Wow thank you! That’d be interesting

[@jenniferhizzy6591]

What is the connection between auto pilot and ADHD?

[@pavelmischenko1556]

ADHD I think could be combination of biology and psychology...there could be powerful organic autopilot...yet personally I always try to find things like meditation and yoga ...as I hate pills ...but i think it is an individual journey

[@kathyadair8552]

From a recently viewed, older video

[@kathyadair8552]

on ADHD, it's a misnomer (can't remember the 2 ALTS, but, it's more of an 'Executive-function' problem; and their lack of 'short- term memory' becomes a Big issue - and may be why they All develop ODD/ Oppositional & Defiant D., as well! As they go along. Another expert claims, ADHD is a sign of TRAUMA! It's my belief, it's a precursor to NPD!

[@archnaverma9105]

Thank you....

[@chaveztzocabigailmariabele2462]

Pavel, great information.

[@jamesjoint678]

This gentleman may find public speaking training useful.

[@sylarmastermind]

Using statistics of just 3 people is misleading. He should have studied more before giving this talk.

[@pavelmischenko1556]

thank you for your comment! www.forbes.com/billionaires/list/#version:static 2017 - top 10 6 - are middle, 2 - only, 1 - oldest, 1 - youngest. 60% - not bad))) GO MIDDLE!!!

[@christiansoldier77]

Middle child always gets short end of the stick SMH

[@pavelmischenko1556]

well...if we can look positively - because of lack of parental attention for middles - they can more freely define themselves instead of submitting to or fighting with parents' expectations like oldest and youngest

[@theastrokyd2114]

@@pavelmischenko1556 I 100% agree. When my parents pay attention to me and start getting involved and spouting opinions, I'm like, "Whoa whoa whoa. Know where you stand." My older sister would never. I'm 28 btw.

[@pavelmischenko1556]

@@theastrokyd2114 Great example! I am happy you can see those little "application-programs"- parents and siblings downloaded on our "brain-phones":) without our control or choice...now we can chose what we "download" ourselves and enjoy that) Good Luck!

[@wyatthagenbeck8055]

So basically middle children just have bottom energy...

[@xx-zp4mj]

lmfao

[@lauryn2868]

We just passive because if we cause issues the little attention we get will be negative

[@lunnaramos8325]

Thank God I’m blessed to be an only child

[@varshanaidu8033]

Eldest with 13 yr age gap and my tone is very obviously ... Intimidating?

[@MW-eg4gu]

I don't know, but I'm now 72 and every youngest in the family, my side and my wife's side is a big rotten baby. I was the oldest. Every youngest in other families big headache babies.

[@gmwilliamsful]

Everyone KNOWS that. Youngest children are perennial brats, get used to it!

[@24greatminds]

Great Talk!

[@pavelmischenko1556]

Thank you, Ahmed)

[@antidepressant11]

I'm 5th of 7. Middle child syndrome? Taken me too long to forge an identity.

[@pavelmischenko1556]

the good news is you could choose yourself...the oldest first born usually have much more difficult time with choosing - they are more heavily programmed by parents...

[@antidepressant11]

​@@pavelmischenko1556 thanks for responding

[@maritzah.4039]

I’m the first born and the only daughter and based on this video I guess I act like an only child? because of my ADHD😅

[@pavelmischenko1556]

According to BOTH Model - you might have a combination of the Oldest First Born and the Only. The more the better - higher your emotional intelligence:) I am not sure about ADHD:)

[@shireenhendricks2194]

Brilliant

[@sakshipriyadubey]

I'm the youngest child I'm really irresponsible

[@pavelmischenko1556]

also potentially - very charming, playful, innovative, and creative...definitely not boring)

[@Laura-vl6db]

Yes. Parents failed us.

[@kathrynroberts248]

Aren't TedTalks expensive to see live? If I'd been in that audience, I'd be pissed.

[@garyoak317]

Why?

[@j.g.e.2600]

I'm middle child youngest in my family

[@pavelmischenko1556]

do you have younger siblings?

[@j.g.e.2600]

I have oldest sister and I have middle oldest brother

[@pavelmischenko1556]

@@j.g.e.2600 so, you are the youngest in the family?

[@j.g.e.2600]

Yes you are so right I'm youngest in my family l am baby in my family

[@pavelmischenko1556]

@@j.g.e.2600 As a youngest you have probably developed many "relationship habits" which make you potentially into a great leader!

[@youtubesuckss7058]

I'm middle, last and third sibling, so does that count ?

[@heatherhelzer7693]

I was raised as an only child for 12 yes then became the oldest of 2 but I am the youngest of my father's children who I am now close too I recognize the noticeable difference in all 3 roles

[@pavelmischenko1556]

@@heatherhelzer7693 sorry for not responding sooner...BOTH model is about PSYCHOLOGICAL birth order programming NOT actual...so, if you spent significant time in all three roles - you would have lots of different training in your childhood...as an only, oldest and youngest - making you a very well rounded individual with high EQ (emotional intelligence)

[@arifulambia9956]

I am first born

[@jamesmiti145]

What about the late last born

[@pavelmischenko1556]

what is the age gap?

[@jamesmiti145]

8 years@@pavelmischenko1556

[@pavelmischenko1556]

@@jamesmiti145 According to the BOTH Model - you will have a combination of the typical "youngest" relationship habits plus some of the typical "only" child...Age gap (more than 5-6 years) is one of the 6 factors that creates a lovely complexity of the freely developed habits in our childhood). Enjoy:)

[@jamesmiti145]

Thank you

[@toadstars]

Firstborns and middleborns are cursed, the lastborns are blessed.

[@julie5668]

The first is the mother's, the second is the father's and the third is no-ones. And this pattern gets repeated with successive kids.

[@lauryn2868]

Inaccurate the first is both, the last is mother and middle is no ones maybe our friends

[@theastrokyd2114]

​@@lauryn2868 You couldn't be more accurate. I at least relate to this.

[@milliehaagen7526]

Inaccurate generalization. I'm the eldest of 4,my father passed away while my mother was pregnant with my brother. All I was was a 2nd mother to my siblings, she literally called me the built in babysitter. I was not a child to her, I was free labor.

[@learninglifestyle970]

Are first born children more like their first born parent? And are younger kids like their parent who was in the same birth position as them? I hope you understand what I’m asking

[@Abel_Makkonen_Tesfaye-0]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀i am the Last person ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Born in My Family

[@A_ndrea]

Delusional only child here! 🌎😬

[@pavelmischenko1556]

einstein, leonardo...we are in a good company)

[@tenp.m.506]

What about Jeff Bezos

[@eagleeggs3862]

f1 Carlos slim

[@stepanyda-x7v]

PavlO

[@lastchancefoundry]

Bill Gates Stoll windows concept... Didn't he?

[@pavelmischenko1556]

i don't know honestly...I have heard about it...yet I am personally impressed about Mr. Gates that he was able to use wherever he got that from and build a product that the whole world still uses ...amazing

[@v.dargain1678]

The only child is delusion , looking to complete a mission impossible .

[@seriousstrawberry]

This is BS. Why are they not talking about us? Middle children.

[@pavelmischenko1556]

Good job - fighting for more attention! Though, thought that you are used to not getting attention:) ...Hope YOU will pay more attention to YOU, Unique YOU!, Those who do become unstoppable and amazing!