Thanksgiving disaster stories

[@nathanandrews8048]

Once I got the same Christmas present from 3 different relatives. It was some sort of mind puzzle. I was going to be nice and pretend that I like it. But my little sister said “he already has that”

[@Matt_Rose]

This is pinned as I empathise with this like you would not believe

[@SonofTuscon99]

@@Matt_Rose how so?

[@Joker74312]

@@Matt_Rose Same. Absolutely same

[@imveryangryitsnotbutter]

Now that's a cool sibling, rejecting other people's crappy gifts so you don't have to.

[@typoriver3651]

I'm not trying to one-up the story, just relating to it. But one Christmas three of my relatives literally got me the exact same book, somehow. I owned one, I got two for Christmas, and one for a belated birthday present during Christmas. All of my aunts and uncles were face-palming

[@thegreatandterrible4508]

Proud of this one: My sister was very upset over the end of Avenger's Infinity War. My gift for her was a plush Bucky Barnes (her favorite character), but it got delayed in the mail. I gave her a jar of sand with a note explaining that it used to be Bucky.

[@volnartheunforgiving3952]

Oh god how did she react

[@thegreatandterrible4508]

@@volnartheunforgiving3952 There's a video of her with puffy eyes, ranting, telling the story before panning over to me absolutely losing my shit.

[@CrabMushroom]

@@thegreatandterrible4508 this is the ninth wonder of the world

[@volnartheunforgiving3952]

@@thegreatandterrible4508 I need to see this

[@dynosaurrrr]

genius

[@AshleyPonyhunter]

A few years ago, my mother was making the turkey in the kitchen. My uncle was in the living room watching tv, and nonchalantly called over to her, “hey the table’s on fire” the table was indeed in flames and he did not seem to care.

[@strogonoffcore]

"shit's on fire yo"

[@abbycollins]

@@strogonoffcore you two win best comment of the year 🏆

[@BrenLan]

He for sure stared that fire lmao

[@smilesquare8515]

was this before or after 2020? because after that, i think i'd react the same way.

[@TerminaC7]

My dog had a seizure against our Christmas tree when we weren't home and knocked off every single fucking glass ornament on the tree. The only one that survived was Stewie Griffin holding a gun.

[@draconiquist]

Coincidence? I THINK NOT!

[@collodion1884]

Was the dog okay??

[@RelicCipher]

Hope your dog was okay, that's scary.

[@TerminaC7]

@@RelicCipher hes dead lol

[@TerminaC7]

@@collodion1884 yeah but he died a year later

[@drawingbirb]

My worst christmas was most likely the one where my uncle and aunt were very clearly going through a messy divorce but kept trying to convince us they weren’t. But the most memorable one was probably the time our friend’s dog ate my WHOLE kneaded eraser, piece by piece, sparking a massive panic.

[@ret6260]

NOT FIGETY ERASER

[@NoriMori1992]

Why panic?

[@ret6260]

@@NoriMori1992 Kneaded erasers are erasers that are like a type of moldable rubber and they are semisticky so they are good with charcoal drawings

[@drawingbirb]

@@NoriMori1992 because it might’ve been dangerous for the dog to eat?

[@lxi..]

One Christmas my basset hound was somehow able to nab a dunkin' donuts box from off the kitchen counter and ate every chocolate covered donut inside.. Miraculously he didn't die. He didn't show any signs of food poisoning or sickness either. He lived on to the ripe old age of 15 (he was about 6 or 7 when it happened)

[@Peppersmom98]

One thanksgiving, my grandma put a 15 pound turkey in a 1 inch deep baking tray. About 2 hours into cooking, the drippings filled up the pan and spilled over onto the bottom of the oven. Black smoke started billowing out of the oven, and I came down stairs just as my grandma opened the the oven door. My dad came running around the corner screaming “CLOSE THE OVEN!” as a wall of flames shot out. He knocked my grandma backward out of the way and Sparta kicked the door closed. We had pizza that night.

[@aperson1754]

I cannot put into words how this story makes me feel... mainly deeply amused though.

[@abbycollins]

Pizzas better anyways.

[@justarandomuser5793]

Why did I imagine that as an action scene for a movie? 😃

[@loki4807]

@@justarandomuser5793 I had that exact thought, dad sounds like a badass.

[@CullenRTerry]

This is the most Disney-movie situation thing there is

[@fishpog7685]

I was given a fucking printer as a Christmas gift. It broke within the hour and everyone in my house screamed at eachother for 10 minutes.

[@BriEnr]

I wish someone would give me a printer for Christmas

[@dynosaurrrr]

stuff like this always makes your day a bit better huh

[@zarrg5611]

Inkjet, I'm guessing.

[@fishpog7685]

@@zarrg5611 of course

[@elyieninvaizn]

i have a printer just no ink rn. Lmao ink is on my wishlist for this year-

[@Thinginator]

When I was little I was in a preschool Christmas pageant, and I was to play the sheep. The teacher didn’t really like me and kept insisting I should be medicated so I would calm down (I was just a very active kid, what can I say?), and she figured making me a sheep would keep me out of trouble, right? Wrong. I embraced my role as sheep, I was going to be the most magnificent sheep that the world had ever seen. For the entire play, I stole the show by crawling around the stage shouting “BAAAAaaAAAaaAaaAA!!!” at the top of my lungs. My parents were so mortified that they put me in a different school so they wouldn’t have to face my teacher.

[@reptilesarecool9763]

😂

[@mildlymarvelous]

I’m glad you got sent to a different school so you and your family didn’t have to deal with that teacher anymore! People who think medication is some sort of cure for behaviors they find personally annoying are a menace.

[@theduckyninja1086]

Your teacher clearly knew nothing about ADHD to recommend you getting medication at such a young age. The majority of ADHD misdiagnoses is because kids were too young to be diagnosed properly. She is also supporting the idea that ADHD is just hyper activity despite the fact that usually girls with ADHD aren't hyper and so they are less likely to be diagnosed. Thank goodness you didn't have to deal with that annoying teacher again at least.

[@jackeroni216]

That's hilarious! I hope you got that on video!

[@humanleader184]

when i was in like 1st grade i did pretty much the exact same thing as a raven.

[@theguy12290]

Once during Thanksgiving I tried a certain type of salad with these raisins in it. Usually I’m fine with raisins but for some reason the salad dressing made it absolutely revolting. When my mom asked how it tasted, I replied with what only can be described as the roar of an eldritch horror as I explosively vomited all over the table. Multiple times.

[@RonnieAnemone]

I guess your mom got her answer

[@fil1361]

Oh my gosh this is the same as me and my friend. So like 2 years ago I made a sushi roll and tried to prepare the rice bain-marie style. They turned out ok and the friend -who had previously tried my other sushi and liked it - said she wanted some. Later that day when she ate it, I asked her how it was, and as she opened her mouth to speak , she instead projectile vomited on me and the rest of the sushi. Guess she didn't like the new rice

[@emitrioff]

this comment made me genuinely giggle

[@ebony721]

What salad has raisins in it??

[@tsifirakiehl4250]

@ebony721 A bad one.

[@F0XY5O1]

Here’s a bit of a bittersweet Christmas tale. The family cat, Midnight, used to hide underneath the tree every time he got the chance to. See, the thing was is that my family has this beautiful black and white tree with accompanying present wrapping to match. So, whenever he would hide underneath the tree, you wouldn’t notice it at first until you felt this giant ball of black fluff by the gifts when you tried to reach for one. Of course, as he got older that meant that he would occasionally piss in the tree blanket but that’s a given. He’s no longer around anymore but his ashes are still above the fireplace so he can watch us set up his favorite tree every year.

[@yazidefirenze]

And his cat ghost screams at not being able to beunder the tree

[@F0XY5O1]

@@yazidefirenze Hahaha! Well, I like to imagine he’s still under the tree… *in spirit* 😎👉👉

[@eveblackcore6165]

The idea of accidentally touching this huge fluffy lad when going for a gift is such a heartwarming and sweet idea; this story genuinely made me smile, thank you friend

[@critterc0rner]

I used to have an elderly cat that does the same, and he occasionally shits under the tree because he had bowel issues all his life we decided to let him shit anywhere, sadly it caught up to him so we had to put him down.

[@F0XY5O1]

@@critterc0rner Aww how sad :( My other cat was the same (siamese himalayan, died before Midnight). He would leave a mess everywhere as he got older and wasn’t as nimble as his brother unfortunately..

[@painfullyaverage6949]

I once got a long rectangular Christmas present when I was about 6, and started crying because I thought Santa had gotten me a plank of wood

[@EatAnOctorok]

I mean, Santa gives wood to plenty of moms, at least.

[@MrMonarch212]

uhhhh. what

[@Everettalla]

WHY DID YOU COME TO THAT CONCLUSION

[@booprsnoot]

LOL

[@apocalypticsurvivor6111]

What was it

[@alicepiper7455]

My mom missed Thanksgiving in 1998 because she went into labor with me! Spent 24+ hours in the hospital before the process finished. Fun times. Her birthday was the day after, so now we share it!

[@TheGlobal747]

Lovely!

[@ebmosier1]

Nice! My brother’s birthday is the 22nd, so sometimes he gets a Thanksgiving birthday.

[@AverageConsumer-uj8sm]

Has she ever told you you're the best birthday present she's ever had?

[@littlestbroccoli]

the process

[@TheOne_6]

Haha, my mam's birthday is the 5th of October, mine's the 6th! If I were born just over an hour earlier, I would've shared a birthday, and would've been exactly 28 years younger (not talking about the exact time).

[@emeraldxlj765]

My grandfather once gave me a “she has to stay in the kitchen” as a complement for how good my pecan pie was

[@EatAnOctorok]

Weirdest instance of generational differences in phrasing. I’m sure he just meant you should go for some culinary career path.

[@nixtheartist]

I think I understand what he meant but uh, still sounds a little fucked up

[@ItsMinnowSeason]

This almost made me laugh pft

[@sirarchibaldcheese3408]

Oooooo that would’ve stung 😬

[@pinkanimositygaming]

He had a Burger King moment

[@nixienooo]

This is my mom’s story, during Christmas Mass her dad was still hungover and yelled out “Plunk your magic plunker froggie, wheeee!” during Communion… I still love to bring it up as an inside joke with my family Also, my dad broke his toe last Christmas after tripping on our sofa while trying to bring our presents to us

[@alexanderthegreat6682]

My dad accidentally stabbed himself in the toe

[@nixienooo]

@@alexanderthegreat6682 omg owwwww

[@levieverhart8640]

@@alexanderthegreat6682 how?

[@alexanderthegreat6682]

@@levieverhart8640 dropped the knife in the exact right way to go point down directly to his toe. We learned why toenails exist today.

[@levieverhart8640]

And people ask why i wear shoes in my house

[@izzywolflover]

My worst thanksgiving was when I was suffering slowly and painfully of a treatable health problem that my foster family refused to get me treated for. I wobbled my wheezing ass down the stairs hoping to get some food when my ex foster mom saw me and screamed that I ruined thanksgiving by just being there. My first thanksgiving at my new foster home I cried over how nicely I was being treated

[@0_dearghealach_083]

Oh my God. I hope you're much better now. Please be safe.

[@CullenRTerry]

Dang

[@literallyafishhook]

i was also in foster care and the amount of foster parents who have no right being foster parents is _insane..._ when my new family started fostering me, we did all of these family things and several times i broke down crying in the middle of something because i'd never been treated so kindly before. i'm so glad that we could both find nice families that made us realize how good the world can actually be

[@MsTinkerbelle87]

Ok? You just ruined it. These are supposed be funny, get a therapist. Jesus H.😒 Also who asked?

[@Jupiter-T]

​@@literallyafishhook I've thought about the possibility of being a foster parent for a long time now, and when I've got my shit a little more together, I'd like to. Parenting is a big responsibility, and sometimes I'm convinced I'd completely screw it up - especially since a lot of foster kids are coming from rough situations and need compassion more urgently. And then I see posts like this and I'm like, wtf is wrong with people? And I realize I'll probably do just fine.

[@Buynot]

When I was 7, my cousins, sister and I got my aunt to say the word "butt" into a walkie talkie on Christmas Morning. She was so distraught that she ran out of the house in tears and drove away.

[@alexanderthegreat6682]

Wow

[@pebbledelor]

Why was she so devastated 💀💀

[@mildlymarvelous]

… over saying the word “butt”. Wow. My entire family has a fairly dirty sense of humor, so this is inconclusive to me!

[@lorifischer6885]

She must be a very Innocent woman

[@jackeroni216]

And they were never seen again.

[@PRGME7]

Here’s my story: I hated thanksgiving when I was younger so, while at my grandfathers house I tried to sabotage it by flinging mashed potato’s into my dads face. Instead the potato’s landed exactly where they were supposed to be on his plate.

[@imveryangryitsnotbutter]

Task succeeded unfavorably

[@Sporcle1]

why did you hate thanksgiving?

[@Knudsen_Hernandez]

@@Sporcle1 Probably because of the y'know, questionable origins.

[@clankcc7410]

@@Knudsen_Hernandez be quiet

[@PRGME7]

@@Sporcle1 no idea. I was like 7 or 8

[@soupysoup9340]

One Christmas my dad's gf gave me a book (and a lecture) on self-guidanced Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. The rest of my siblings got the usual chocolates and fancy soaps. I spent the rest of the day trying not to cry from basically the entire family being told I'm mentally unwell, but also trying not to laugh because I kept thinking of the other CBT. All whilst playing endless games of Uno. I just do Christmas with my roommate now lmao

[@JaneAustenAteMyCat]

I'm not bloody surprised! Couldn't she have given you the book separately, in addition to the normal present, and spoken to you in private, if she was that concerned? Singling you out was a really sh1tty thing to do and makes me wonder more about her mental health than yours (not that there's anything wrong with CBT - I listened to a series of lectures about it and applied them to my own life and it was very helpful)

[@pancake_rabbit]

haha balls

[@s1cklysam]

"My entire family was told about the state of my mental health being absolutely destroyed" "haha cock ball torture" JDJEODMEL

[@s1cklysam]

But seriously I hope ur doing well

[@DeathnoteBB]

@@JaneAustenAteMyCat Yeah damn. It could gave been a thoughtful additional gift, yet somehow they managed to make it a slap in the face and an insult.

[@DayBreak92]

One Christmas Eve we had my grandparents over and they'd brought along their dog. It was great, our dogs were hanging out, we were all having a lovely time until something triggered disaster. The cat threw up on the floor, my dog proceeded to eat said vomit then immediately piss on the floor, meanwhile my grandparents dog was also pissing on the floor out of fear from all the yelling that had started. A 10/10 Christmas

[@renhaker]

I have saw a lot of these Christmas story comments and it’s always the dog that goes mental

[@Hannah-fc4it]

My dog tries to eat wrapping paper and my cat attacks the shit out of any cardboard box she can find. They're a fun duo on Christmas morning having 8 people unwrapping presents

[@teacup_birb1052]

Lol

[@san6508]

nice

[@slushiiix4287]

imagining this from a 3rd person POV is so funny

[@LENNARD2ns]

My grandma bought literally everyone toothbrushes. Five year old cousin?Toothbrush. My mom? Toothbrush. My grandpa? Toothbrush. And for the record, no, she was not a dentist.

[@lorifischer6885]

They probably all needed it too, after all those holiday sweets

[@hye2354]

easy gift

[@DarkMirria1]

Last year I asked for a electric toothbrush, I did get one and it works great.

[@beastmaster0934]

Honestly, with all the sweets people eat during and after Christmas, a toothbrush is a fitting gift.

[@limiv5272]

I'm guessing there was a sale. Anyway not the worst gift, assuming they're good quality ones.

[@knowledgeabledude2971]

I have heard this story many times from my grandmother. Onetime at her sister’s house on thanksgiving day her(my great aunt) cat had gotten into the turkey. They didn’t notice until they saw that the turkey was moving and they realized that the cat was inside the turkey.

[@papayaboat1780]

That’s like something out of a Three Stooges film.

[@kaitlynwickham6237]

That's too bad for the family, but that cat was having the time of its life.

[@AHHHHHHHH21]

chestburster

[@SillyboiGT]

I THOUGHT YOU MEANT HER CAT ATE THE TURKEY UNTIL I READ THE LAST SENTENCE WHATTT

[@Anonymous-73]

Hey it could’ve been worse, at least you didn’t accidentally eat the cat

[@jamie1602]

Years ago I was completely done with my father trying to make me do prayers for family dinner. I endured Catholic school. He didn't. I don't like my religion trotted out only for holidays and put on display. I was done. So, since it was just us three that Thanksgiving (probably was Thanksgiving since we usually get Chinese for Christmas), I was in a special mood. "Would anyone like to say Grace?" And the old man is looking at me. Yeah. Okay. Fine. So I put my hands together. Get quiet... And I reenact that moment from Hook in the loudest voice possible and yell out, "Grace!" and immediately dig in. My mother is giggling. My father is not happy. Two years later from this incident, Thanksgiving again: "I'd like to say grace." Oh no. Oh no, the old man wants to say grace. Fine, okay fine. Well at least he's never asked me again since that time. And he puts his hands together... "GRACE!" I'm sitting there, stunned. He smirks, looks right at me, and picks up a roll. And this man PRETENDS we're nothing alike.

[@duckszn.]

This is unexpectedly very wholesome!

[@radioanon4535]

Let me know if this becomes a tradition

[@jaynenunya6070]

...i'm gonna have to use that one.

[@s0ur_p0wer71]

I have a cousin named Grace.. hold on one sec

[@DCBfanboy]

... Was he just trolling you since the beginning ? Lmao

[@whatthejigma]

Last year my sister got “The Imposter’s Guide to Among Us” in her stocking. That’s all you need to know. Edit: I just thought of another story! When my brother was younger and in Cub Scouts, he got this Cub Scout ornament of a boy in uniform doing the salute. Long story short, the pointer finger broke off and it was flipping us off for a whole Christmas season before our mom noticed. She just broke the middle finger off and now the scout holds up a fist.

[@DogFace_3000]

From who?

[@whatthejigma]

@@DogFace_3000 If you mean the Among Us book, it was from one of my parents who were trying to be cool

[@DogFace_3000]

@@whatthejigma ahh yes sorry that is what i was asking about.

[@iloveyungsherman]

bro i got that at the book fair LMAO

[@joshshrum2764]

That’s pretty sus not going to lie *Makes the Jerma, face*

[@tyler.e7581]

as someone who is studying forensic science, i too would cry about it

[@tyler.e7581]

still do

[@skaithespirit1184]

This video becomes even better if you imagine all of these being about the same family on the same thanksgiving day.

[@BoldActionSkitty]

Omg yes.

[@gamingwithlukeJToH]

i absolutely love imagining this happening all at once: "my god i didnt mean to hit you with that Bible-" "PLEASE PASS THE BUTTERRR!!!!!!!" "...guys is the dog humping the undercooked turkey that is _also_ on fire?" "...tHE DISHWASHER IS ON FIRE TOO!!" **distant "i fucked up i fucked up i fuCKED UP"** "hang on why is grandma's wedding ring in the turkey??" **crashing** "GUYS THE CABINENT FELL OFF THE WALL"

[@madelinevance8954]

My cousin (much older than me) and I had a bit of an argument the day before Thanksgiving one year. Her kid and my sister have birthdays very close to the holiday so we were going to celebrate them at the same time while they were visiting. She wanted to bake a cake and noticed that we didn’t have any vegetable oil. I told her we usually just use olive oil and it really doesn’t make a difference; it still tastes the same. She suddenly got really mad and said that it does make a difference and stormed out to go buy some vegetable oil. On Thanksgiving day the topic at the table somehow came to eating bugs. Someonr mentioned how flour made of grasshoppers exist. I said that sounds disgusting and I would never eat it. Cousin said, “I think I could eat it. I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference if I didn’t know it had grasshopper flour in it” I said, “Oh, like olive oil and vegetable oil?” I consider it one of my most savage moments.

[@andreah9587]

love the pettiness in this house😂

[@wiquid]

😂

[@funlover163]

@Adrien Melody if it's extra virgin it really doesn't have much flavor, but I used to not cook with olive oil because I didn't like olives

[@booberfraggle]

She’s right though.. olive oil shouldn’t really be used for baking. Vegetable oil is much better for that.

[@xxx-ie9ic]

I'm amused as I just recently had to substitute out olive oil for vegetable oil in several dishes including a tomato salad. It felt weird to just eat it when I use the same thing to grease baking sheets and bake brownies, but it didn't taste like anything. Also, I've heard grasshopper flour is very nutty and has a different texture, so your cousin was probably wrong.

[@anonymoususer188]

I'm really late, but I have a Thanksgiving story to tell. I got my wisdom teeth removed a day or two before Thanksgiving. Something went wrong. It wasn't immediately obvious that there was a problem. I went home after the surgery, and everything seemed fine. At some point, I noticed that whenever I swallowed, I felt a sharp pain in the back of my mouth. It wasn't even caused by something entering my throat, just the swallowing water or swallowing when there wasn't actually anything in my mouth triggered it. For some reason that I can't remember, my family didn't do anything about it until the day AFTER Thanksgiving. That's right, during Thanksgiving dinner, every time I swallowed, I felt a brief stab of pain in my mouth. When my mother took me back to figure out what the problem was on Friday, I learned that apparently a small fragment of one of my wisdom teeth was imbedded in my gum. It was actually a surprisingly easy thing to deal with, quick and painless, and I was perfectly fine afterwards. However, that doesn't change how much agony I was in that Thanksgiving. I just wished I'd gone back to the doctor and dealt with it sooner.

[@michmill7007]

Bruh this going to make me worry that this is going to happen to me

[@Lolbit_The_Fox]

This one happened two years ago: We were decorating our christmas tree when we heard a scream from the kitchen; it turns out my little sister had lit the stove on fire trying to melt something (can't remember what). Five seconds later, we heard a crash coming from the living room. Turns out it was at that moment that the cat decided to jump up on that beautiful tree strung with glass ornaments and rainbow lights, topped with a glittering star that had quite a bit of sentimental value, and bring the entire thing crashing down. Merry Christmas.

[@Natt_Skapa]

Oh dang that's sad

[@Islasmiladila]

Oh wowie ! That one’s a good one. My Christmas was wonderful, thanks for asking. My aunt introduced us all to her new boyfriend , the boyfriend was my maths teacher. My mum got really mad when I told her I had broken up with my ex kicked me out of the house and then I got really mad, and I ended up fucking one of my best friends who worked at my mechanics office down the street. I also was proposed to by the very same friend Christmas the following year.

[@chunkymonkey7983]

Was the cat okay-

[@Lolbit_The_Fox]

@@chunkymonkey7983 yeah, she was fine dont worry

[@somethingwithbungalows]

@@chunkymonkey7983 usually the cat is fine in situations like these. They’re pretty fast reacting and just fast animals in general lol

[@OfStarrySkiesandFireflies]

Christmas story: So a few years back, it was less than a week until Christmas and my family went out to go and see a show preformed by the local preschool. We came back to find the 2 year old puppy sitting proudly atop a pile of torn up gift wrapping. In a panic, we immediately searched the tree to see what she got, and more importantly, that she didnt get anything dangerous (i.e. chocolate). Half an hour of panicked searching later, we realized the little bastard had taken and torn up only one gift: her own. It was a brand new red and green tug-of-war toy that was stashed at the BACK of the tree. To this day i still wonder the following: how did she get to it, why did she wait until then to take it, and most importantly, how in the fuck did she know it was her gift?

[@Sporcle1]

if the gift came from a pet store, maybe she smelled the scent of other dogs from it?

[@WasatchWind]

This channel is convincing me more and more that fish are the only safe pet to have if you don't want holidays ruined.

[@OfStarrySkiesandFireflies]

@@WasatchWind …until the tree lights fall into the fish tank and Mr. Bubbles gets fried alive

[@WasatchWind]

@@OfStarrySkiesandFireflies At least Mr Bubbles won't try to eat my chocolate oranges.

[@gamerfan1135]

@@WasatchWind What about when you accidentally knock Mr bubbles down? Or forget to feed him? Or what about that roommates cat who hasn't seemed to care too much about poor Mr bubbles until 4 in the morning on a Saturday?

[@3ratsinacage]

All I’m gonna say is in 2017 we went to a family gathering with almost everyone in our extended family in Boxing Day and someone brought their sick baby. I have severe Emetophobia (the fear of throwing up) so was avoiding this baby like the plague, until his mother eventually set him down on the sofa next to me. I don’t like babies never mind sick babies so I just started at him awkwardly and nervously until he was taken away. He infected almost everyone and the day after the gathering I threw up 10 times all through the night. I remember a lot of details, like what I’d eaten for dinner that day, the pyjamas I was wearing and the book my mum told me to read while I felt sick cause we all just assumed it was nothing cause 99% of the time it is nothing. I’ve never trusted my mum since cause Seconds before I actually threw up she was saying „you’re just forcing It“ The first thing I said after throwing up was exactly: „still forcing it now?“

[@wajsidnskansn]

I have emetophobia too, but more in the direction of being anywhere near vomit in general. so sorry to hear this, I don’t think the mother of the baby should have brought her sick child along.

[@Izzy-be-dizzy]

Nice pfp lol

[@JaneAustenAteMyCat]

My mother has emetophobia. It sucks.

[@FreshestCool]

“All I’m gonna say”

[@sidewinder9107]

i hae emetophobia too. it sucks ass. i avoid germs at all costs. luckily i havent been sick in like 7 years.

[@senrioflove]

I had to explain the word 'bukkake' on my 25th birthday, in a Japanese restaurant to my grandma because she knows I speak Japanese and she insisted I explain what people were laughing at. 7 months later on Christmas day, she loudly exclaimed 'Oh I know what this is, Pat showed me!' while we were playing cards against humanity at the family table. explaining to my whole family that i DID NOT show my grandma bukkake was honestly almost a embarrassing as having to explain it to her in the first place

[@skinnywizard6351]

So buddy, pal, friend. Mind explaining to us people who don't know what "bukkake" is?

[@senrioflove]

@@skinnywizard6351 how I explained it to my grandma was "lots of someone else's ejaculate on somebody's face"

[@skinnywizard6351]

@@senrioflove does that count as a threesome

[@senrioflove]

@@skinnywizard6351 I guess it depends on how many people are ejaculating? I'm not really a bukkake expert

[@skinnywizard6351]

@@senrioflove this became a strange conversation quickly

[@TequitoClown]

For Christmas a few years back, my grandmother said "I really wish I had an ottoman." to all of us. She said this while I was sitting on her ottoman. My grandfather just stared at her.

[@ArcanineEspeon]

So, uh...how's your grandma doing now?

[@TequitoClown]

@@ArcanineEspeon Lol she's doing fine

[@Fluxaterion]

I thought you meant like an ottoman Turk for a second or something like that I was so confused

[@ReVDeatH]

@@Fluxaterion You ain't the only one

[@akman909]

@@Fluxaterion "I really wish I could sit on my Roman Centurion right now, but Nancy's already straddling him."

[@oliverremil3930]

A friend of mine was going to try this killer dessert recipe with his mom one thanksgiving Instead, his dad ran away with his best friend (he was apparently bi) and never came back So instead of baking the dessert, his mom just cried in her room, apparently he left her some shitty goodbye or something The worst part way he was too little to understand what was happening (he was like 5) and thought his dad was coming back after “hanging out with his friend” So he kept innocently annoying his mom asking her to make the dessert with them for when dad came back

[@RadleyJunkyard]

@@jdjdjdjd3058 bi people can love both men and women? that's what bi means??

[@jdjdjdjd3058]

@@RadleyJunkyard sorry I mixed up bisexual with homosexual

[@jdjdjdjd3058]

@@RadleyJunkyard you can delete your comment I’m not ignorant anymore

[@justamicrowave2572]

This is why honesty is important asf in relationships

[@beastmaster0934]

That went into a direction that I did not expect it to go in.

[@jommisalami]

As someone who's part Native American who's family doesn't really do anything for Thanksgiving, it always feels like a surreal Hallmark movie whenever I hear of big family Thanksgiving gone wrong stories

[@daisymay6505]

I’m half miq'kmaq (and Canadian) but also adopted (it’s really complicated to explain) so we do a small thanksgiving with just my immediate family

[@DeathnoteBB]

I’m part Native too and we do do Thanksgiving, but we don’t celebrate it as anything but a food holiday by the name Thanksgiving. Also as the day there’s a parade on tv. Never understood the thankfulness part anyway 🤷 Why y’all gotta wait until a single day to be thankful??

[@jommisalami]

@@DeathnoteBB I 100% agree with you there, why not be open and thankful all year round?

[@PhoenixT70]

@@DeathnoteBB Simply put, the idea is to be thankful for what you’ve gotten and achieved throughout the intervening year. It evolved from the Puritan/Native American celebration to cement an alliance between the colonists and the Wampanoag tribe. The Wampanoag would provide provisions to help get the Puritans on their feet while the Puritans would defend the Wampanoag against a rival tribe with their superior firepower. It’s likely that there was also a Germanic/Dutch influence due to the Puritans staying in Holland for a time during the Siege of Linden, when numerous thanksgiving celebrations were held to maintain morale inside the city. TLDR: It evolved from a religious holiday into a celebration of an alliance that has since been secularized, because who doesn’t love eating a lot of food and arguing with the extended family?

[@glupik1234]

​@@PhoenixT70 why'd you call them puritans? The pilgrims didn't protect the wampanoag out of the blue, they were already dying from the diseases colonists brought and we're in need of defense, and the pilgrims needed help to fight the french. For 40 years the pilgrims would spread, colonize and exploit lands resources, including the native population. And then Philip's war happened, and it was genocidal. The wampanoag now remember the pilgrims' arrival as a day of mourning.

[@ezrah.2650]

Christmas story time! When I was a kid I used to visit my dad's side of the family in Oklahoma, and one year my younger cousin (he was probably around 3) got a toy kitchen complete with plastic food for Christmas. Unfortunately when he got the gift his mom and grandma had already gotten the gift out of the box to prank him, so he had seemingly just gotten a box for Christmas. When they brought out the toy kitchen he was playing with the box. Classic 3 year olds.

[@sambradley9091]

that's actually adorable

[@pymxolbodoesstuff6743]

cat energy

[@wiquid]

Your cousin is literally a cat

[@CrazyCatBeanie]

I did the exact same thing when I was about that age as well

[@EmiPlayzMC]

Is your cousin perhaps part cat?

[@yamumgay]

“FINE WHATEVER WEAR THE DAMN POKÉMON T-SHIRT” favorite line.

[@alexg4551]

I’m Jewish so I don’t celebrate Christmas but I do have a Chanukah fail: On Chanukah we light these candelabra like things called a “Chanukiah” to commemorate the miracle that some oil lasted eight days. Anyways when I was younger I was leaning back on our countertop while talking to my dad and forgot the the lit Chanukiah was behind me and my hair caught on fire. And the thing is, I didn’t notice until I smelled it and even after that it took a minute to register that my hair had indeed caught fire. Fun times!

[@formerlygrimagikoopa]

thoughts on palestine? does it exist to you?

[@three_crows_all_day]

@@formerlygrimagikoopa Fuck's sake. Someone being Jewish isn't an invitation for random arseholes to ask them serious political questions. That'd be like someone saying "This crazy thing happened on Christmas one year, for reference I'm a USA Southerner--" and then another person butts in with "thoughts on the civil war?", or asking a Chinese person "thoughts on your government? you're just fine with how things are?" Unnecessary and invasive. May seem like I'm overreacting but I've witnessed this happen about 12 times and said nothing. "Oh, you're Jewish? So how about that Palestine situation, huh? That's like, totally something you're personally invested in, right?" Pisses me right off. And for the record, I'm not Jewish. Just tired of seeing this. Not looking to start an argument, just something to consider.

[@alexg4551]

@@three_crows_all_day thanks for saying it for me lmao

[@aromanticfranziskavonkarma]

@@alexg4551 thanks for saying it for all of us honestly

[@gordonramsayslambsauce]

@@formerlygrimagikoopa what the fuck

[@NeatNat]

One Christmas, I was apparently disappointed with the presents I got that year and said _"well that was an underwhelming Christmas"_ in front of my entire family. We then proceeded to open the next present, which was a Nintendo Switch. I still hear my family quote that line to this very day.

[@LemonbreadSC]

well that was an underwhelming comment

[@andromeda_va39]

Reminds me of when I got my 3DS. I'd been asking for one for years. I had even written an essay that year detailing why I should get one. I had just learned how to write persuasive essays, and I'd been working on this one the whole time I was learning. So you can imagine my disappointment when I finished opening my presents and didn't get one. Then Mom and Dad brought out one last present for me. The box looked too big to be a 3DS, but I went on and opened it. There was a blank gift box inside. Some 10 or so boxes later (we reuse gift boxes), I finally got to the last layer, opened it, and screamed because it was the 3DS.

[@jackeroni216]

@@andromeda_va39 The 3DS is still my favourite gaming console, even 10 yrs later. So many good games!

[@EatAnOctorok]

Why would you say anything before all the presents are unwrapped?!

[@gracen8010]

@@andromeda_va39 My parents did the same thing for me one year, but with a phone. We finished unwrapping all the gifts under the tree when my stepdad excuses himself and goes into the basement. He comes back a minute later with a box that was almost as big as me all wrapped up with a bow on top. I go to pick it up, expecting it to be super heavy, but when it hardly weighed anything I got confused. I opened the box and there was another box inside, also wrapped up neatly with a bow on top. This went on for some time and at one point I looked at my stepdad and said “if your big gift this year was just a bunch of boxes I’m gonna be pissed.” After 10 minutes, 20 or so boxes, and a lot of frustration, I got to the smallest box that had my new phone in it. Probably my favorite Christmas ever.

[@EllpaFox47]

my favorite Thanksgiving memory was when me and my cousin were watching Oversimplified videos together (we're huge history nerds) and when we were called out to eat he said in a childish disappointed voice "awwwww but we're learning about Hitler!" because i had just put on the Oversimplified Hitler video

[@wayneenglish17]

Lol

[@utterlycynthia]

I can relate to the 'eating too much and then throwing up' stories. I'm a very small eater and usually throw up if I eat even slightly more than what I can handle. There's this one time I was at my friend's house (I was around 12) and her mother made a big meal for us. She kept saying I was too thin and tried to make me eat more. I did, and minutes later, proceeded to throw up all over their kitchen floor. She learned her lesson and never urged me to eat more ever again!

[@logans.7932]

The sheer power of “the dog took a shit in the oven.” No frills, no fancy linguistics. Dude had one thing to say and it registered in as a 5 on the Richter scale. Edit: Nevermind the guy who just went “Divorce!” wins

[@karvek7835]

I feel like the kid who shit himself in anger because he couldn't have any more dinner rolls wins

[@Xeorboom]

THAT IS THE SOUND OF A *FACKING* DIVORCE- Stolas: Helluva Boss S2 ep.1 The Circus

[@WarTie]

imo guy who’s lizard nutted on him wins

[@lolnamelollastname9788]

5:39 5:40. I love how you'd normally expect that Bwefggh to be read aggressively, but Matt softens the delivery of it. Gets me every time. Bwegh.

[@milkynai]

When I was little my family (grandma, her brother, my mom, two aunts, one of them pregnant, and my sister) all gathered in the kitchen to help with the Christmas cooking, so I was left alone in the living room. I was reading a book and suddenly the Christmas tree fell down onto the table, all on its own. There were candles lit on the table. The tree caught on fire. We tried to put it out with the snow, but failed. We had to call the firemen. My aunt got so stressed and scared she went into labour.

[@beastmaster0934]

I’m imaging your cousin being told that the reason they were born was because a Christmas tree caught on fire.

[@EatAnOctorok]

@@beastmaster0934 it would be funnier if they were *_conceived_* because of a burning Christmas tree.

[@aromanticfranziskavonkarma]

@@EatAnOctorok i desparately want to know how exactly that would happen

[@goofyass1896]

Emxs what exactly happens after that-

[@Anonymous-73]

From Christmas party to a gender reveal party

[@fealubryne]

My mom handles half the Thanksgiving (turkey, traditional sides, pumpkin pie) and I handle the other half (ham, some sort of fancy sides, and a random pie). Made a maple custard pie this year, with a pecan shortbread crust and homemade spiced whipped cream. Planned everything for over a week, trying to micromanage all the details, and pulled an all-nighter to get everything done. Thanksgiving comes and main meal is eaten and everybody is trying the pie and my younger brother is wolfing down a large slice, commenting how good it is. I'm in sort of a daze, but explaining the recipe, and get to the crust and no sooner does my mouth get the word "pecan" out than my brain catches up and I remember my brother is allergic to tree nuts. So yeah, nearly killed my brother for Thanksgiving. According to my mom he's still raving about how good it was though, so, uh... there's that.

[@CharaDreemurX]

Aww,at least it was good though! I just imagine him choking out “worth it...” solemnly; One time my aunt who is also allergic to pecans but also walnuts said something similar and also later told my grandma how good it was lmao!!

[@violet7773]

I'm allergic to peanuts and had a bunch of satay skewers, only realising what they were once my throat started closing. Satay is so delicious. I feel your brother's pain

[@SEAkuaa]

​@@CharaDreemurXI missread the sentence and didn't see the : so I thought you just said "I just imagine him choking out "worth it" solemnly one last time" and thought you were implying he was dead

[@TheGlobal747]

How sweet 😊

[@CullenRTerry]

“Yo this $#!+ mad good” “It has nuts…” “…” “Aren’t you allergic?” “Yes…?” “…” *_“Can I have some more?”_*

[@hoypip]

No holiday is more consistently disastrous than Thanksgiving, and each story is so uniquely American

[@abbycollins]

Everything gets fucked up in vastly different ways and I am all for it

[@jackeroni216]

This is one of the few times I've ever heard someone acknowledge Canadian Thanksgiving without being from the country themselves... THANK YOU MATT!!!

[@kathvg]

Canadians are unreasonably happy being so much as mentioned without prompting Source: am canadian

[@turbo_marc]

@@kathvg or just any country outside the US :/

[@admiralAlfonso9001]

Canadian thanksgiving

[@ozharms]

@@kathvgOh yeah no yeah, eh?

[@pharoahcaraboo9610]

my favorite christmas memory is when my eldest cousin was given a gift by my aunt. when she unwrapped it, it was some strange, wooden prop table of some sort? we were all very confused but doing the typical, 'oh yes its very nice thank you' thing when my aunt goes 'i have no idea what the hell that is' and we all laughed till we were sore, couldn't form a proper sentence for a minute. apparently she had ordered a laundry hamper set but only the support props had gotten delivered.

[@xXBalletBearXx]

My grandma dropped the frozen turkey in the HEB parking lot, which was sloped/on a hill. The turkey began rolling down the hill and my grandma had to chase it down the entire way. She was in her fifties. Imagine seeing a fifty-something woman chasing a rolling turkey down a sloped parking lot 💀

[@Cenn_Devel]

I've never heard of a sloped parking lot, that sounds very inconvenient.

[@xXBalletBearXx]

@@Cenn_Devel yeah they are inconvenient. There are more around the city too. I wonder who thought “hmm, good idea, let’s set up the most expensive game of dominoes up” because I’m afraid cars will roll into each other.

[@fa1ryf0x3s]

SLOPED PARKING LOT. I have a sloped driveway and I cannot imagine the hell of a whole ass parking lot built on a hill.

[@littlestbroccoli]

My mother did this and gave herself a black eye when she fell into the concrete after it 💀

[@fredlickham3871]

This reminds me of the Ham scene from Christmas With The Kranks

[@boksilkey]

Was at the mums side of the family for Christmas one year for the first time when I was around 12, we were in panic because my cousin was watching Victoria secret runway on the tv (she said it was because Harry styles was on it) and my aunt was absolutely fuming, another family member had decided at the ripe age of 8 to start becoming a professional youtuber after flinging half of his Christmas presents over the fence, the dog was biting me and many drunk people were on hover boards round the hallways when we realised the electric carving knife had gone missing. After a good 30 minutes of all the mums in utter panic that everyone was going to die, my 80 something year old uncle stumbled out the kitchen door into the crowd with the carving knife plugged in, on full blast, having just carved the turkey with his rather shakey hands. Still traumatised

[@Ozblivion-Official]

Good lord man….

[@andreah9587]

There is so much going on in this post, I don’t even know where to start processing it all

[@coows]

I don't know whether to laugh or not.

[@lorifischer6885]

NEVER RETURN THERE I AM WORRIED FOR YOUR SANITY

[@christiangomez5855]

This is literally a plot to a Disney channel movie that would air in 2012

[@SushiWhyNot]

love this man’s content

[@sniff7873]

same

[@jam8499]

I agree

[@moresubbickbestuff]

Same

[@Cyra_The_Jedi]

As do I

[@teacup_birb1052]

I belly laughed for a straight 5 minutes when I watched thia

[@duckswithknives]

Ah, the horrifying tale of my thanksgiving one year. Me, my mother, my father, and my dog were all going an a walk before thanksgiving dinner, and we went to these woods with a trail. We were having a good time, until my dog stopped. She sniffed the air, and sat down. She wouldn't budge. Suddenly she started pulling towards the entrance (mind you we only started walking for about a minute or so) and we actually were kinda freaked out and started jogging back, and we hear a howl. I booked it out of there. Where I live, we coyotes in the woods occasionally. I assume it's that. I had never had one so close to something like that before. Heart pounding, I started to chill out once we got to the field. We decided to walk some laps in the open field (with woods surrounding, but there was a pool, a playground and the field). And for the first time in about 6 months, my dog had the "zoomies" and ran around so fast and between our legs and whatnot. To this day, I can't tell why my dog got those "zoomies". (the food was good though)

[@JaneAustenAteMyCat]

Zoomies was probably a way to release the stress, like when they sometimes chase their tail because they're overstimulated. Thank God the dog could sense the coyote!

[@duckswithknives]

@@JaneAustenAteMyCat Definitely!

[@daydodog]

@@JaneAustenAteMyCat yes, this is why the zoomies

[@mazzy_ivy]

As someone who has a dog and lives in a very foresty area, i can picture this perfectly

[@duckswithknives]

@@mazzy_ivy as you should

[@rosecarlene7275]

My family has a bonfire every year where we burn christmas wrapping paper and the tree from the previous year (even though we weren’t supposed to). And one year the old wooden manger lawn set was getting moldly so we threw it in the fire as well. Fire was huge and people were entertained. And my uncle was holding baby jesus in his hands and he was like “i cant do this, this goes against my religion”. then my cousin who was like 10-12 at the time, takes it out of my uncle’s hands and throws it in the fire like a frisbee. He puts up his hands and say “i killed jesus!”

[@reptilesarecool9763]

I’m dying 🤣

[@mango4554]

that's absolute gold

[@lorifischer6885]

congratulations, your cousin is soon going to become a Cultist leader with a god complex

[@aloft_fox647]

What happened after

[@beastmaster0934]

We used to just throw the old Christmas trees in a pile in our backyard.

[@jameshenthorn238]

About 10 years ago on Christmas Day our flight to Disney World was cancelled while we were at the airport, as well as the two backup flights we were booked onto, all because of snow in Atlanta. After the 3rd cancellation, my dad decided fuck it and we rented a car. After over a thousand miles, a Christmas dinner consisting of snacks from home and a gas station in Kentucky, and a little under 24 and a half hours into our 24 hour rental, we go to return the car and they want to charge us like $280 in overages for being around 25 minutes late. My mom claims this is extortion and threatens to sue. They ended up dropping the charge. After spending an eternity getting to our very far away Disney hotel and spending TWO HOURS checking in due to us being a day late, we walk to our room, set our stuff down, and realize we have almost no time to make our very expensive dinner reservation at Cinderella’s Castle. After sprinting what had to be a quarter mile and barely making the bus, we get to the Magic Kingdom and proceed to once again sprint to make it to the castle with probably 5 to 10 minutes before the doors would have been closed. So it ended up working out, but originally we were meant to be in Orlando with a day to spare, not less than an hour. TL;DR Drove from Detroit to Orlando in a single day, almost sued a rental car company, and a very young me and younger sister almost didn’t get to meet Cinderella before dinner the day after Christmas.

[@mythicalslugbeam130]

That's some shitty luck for sure.

[@aromanticfranziskavonkarma]

i can't tell if you have the worst luck ever or the best luck ever

[@FusionCyborg]

Georgia didn't want your family to have fun.

[@peachymiku6432]

Since last Christmas passed, I will mention a particular Thanksgiving. I was watching my mom cook the meal and she reached for the stuffing. She opened the bag... And proceeded to dump the stuffing into the trashcan nearby. I was confused but before I could say anything mom, realizing what she just did, cries out noooooo! She sends my sister to get more. I asked her why she did that and she had absolutely no idea. RIP mom.

[@agin1519]

I don’t know why, but this is the sweetest story. I wonder what she was thinking about that distracted her. It made me cry a little. Perhaps because I’m sure I’m much younger than your mother was then, but recently I’ve also caught myself doing inexplicable things around the house!

[@peachymiku6432]

@@agin1519 Aww, thank you! I always think of it around this time and a certain Christmas story too. I'm not sure what distracted her either and she was unsure herself! I just saw what I saw. I have had to catch myself too lately. Because well... I've almost thrown away things I didn't mean to! I like to think that something like this happens to the best of us sometimes!

[@0_dearghealach_083]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[@Blue_Boy_Official]

I genuinely cannot tell whether or not that 'RIP mom.' at the end is a phrase for her embarrassment or if it's a sort of 'By the way, my mom's dead'. If it's the latter, I'm sorry for your loss, but if it's not, you've already accidentally tricked the previous person to reply.

[@peachymiku6432]

@@Blue_Boy_Official Not out of embarrassment, she really is dead. I can see why you weren't sure though!

[@alexanderthegreat6682]

My parents make something called a Tom and Jerry every Christmas for the adults, which is a warm, low-alchohol (but still definitely alcoholic) cocktail, and in Texas, it's legal for a fourteen year old to drink them in small amounts. So what happened was, on Christmas Morning, my grandma and dad pressured me into drinking one. I didn't even make it halfway through the small cup (about twice the size of a shot glass, but it was low in alcohol as I mentioned) before I got a migraine and was mildly hungover for most of the morning.

[@lorifischer6885]

Man Texas law is kinda fucked up

[@alexanderthegreat6682]

@@lorifischer6885 very small amounts of alcohol consumption is allowed with parent supervision at 14. I still couldn't buy one of these things or the batter for it. I'm sure it's more complicated than that but that's how much I know

[@lorifischer6885]

@@alexanderthegreat6682 oh that makes sense. i shouldn't be talking anyways because on two seperate times at the age of ten i took a shot of alcohol thinking it was soda

[@SuperInconspicuous]

I learned this because my dsd asked if I wanted some but I was too scared of breaking the law. Found this out and decided it wasn't technically wrong so I did take a couple sips. Conclusion...? I hate alcohol. It burns and feels weird for some time after drinking. And it was pecan flavored.

[@m0L3ify]

Tequila does that to me. I can't touch the stuff. Discovered this at a bridal shower when someone handed me a margarita, I took a few sips, and instantly felt hungover, headache and all. I was like "what's the point of drinking if you can't even enjoy it first?" I never touched tequila again.

[@lxi..]

I was once hospitalized because my sister guilt tripped me into trying a sweet potato casserole she made. She failed to tell me it had pecans in it. My family didn't believe me when I said was allergic until I started throwing up and breaking out in hives all over my body. Unfortunately that wasn't the first and last time they thought nothing of something and thought I was being "dramatic"

[@JaneAustenAteMyCat]

Blimey

[@oo-vivian]

this was 9 months ago but your family sounds slightly shitty

[@elliewuzzup7689]

Talk about taking gaslighting to life threatening extremes!

[@FreshestCool]

There’s a joke in here somewhere

[@lolnamelollastname9788]

Jeez, I hope you've cut off ontact!

[@finn_20]

For some reason, I was OBSESSED with butter as a child from ages 4 to about 7. Like, COMPLETELY OBSESSED. I literally put butter on my Santa wish list the same year as this story. It’s really long but it’s one I will never forget a single detail about so, enjoy: On the thanksgiving that I was 5, I was refusing to eat anything but butter and dinner rolls. My mom, who had gotten sick and tired of the you-have-to-eat-more battle, finally gave in. The whole family sat down for dinner and my grandma sees my plate. 5 dinner rolls and a big heap of butter. “Addie, look at Finn’s plate. They only grabbed rolls.” My mom looked at her and nodded. “I know.” “They need to eat more.” “They won’t.” “That’s not a dinner.” “Mom, I know it’s not a dinner. But this is the only way we are going to get Finn to sit at the table with us and eat.” My uncle decided to side with my grandma (his MIL) and picked up a new plate. He put turkey, stuffing, cranberries, and mashed potatoes on it and put it in front of me saying, “try it kiddo. It’s good.” I proceeded to grab that plate and throw it across the table, smacking my sister square in the face, while shouting “NO! I WANT BUTTER!” My mom groaned, my sister freaked out, my uncle took my plate away- setting me off even more and making my dad look at my uncle (his brother) like “come on man, just let the kid have the bread and butter. You’ve made this bad enough.” Then my 1 year old cousin started screaming and crying, my other grandma (on my dad’s side) tried to calm me down, my aunt made an attempt at helping my sister clean up but her clothes were stained from the cranberries, and when I went to grab a new roll, my grandma (on mom’s side) took the basket away. That decision started Round 3 of “sh!t is hitting the fan.” Now the dogs started barking, my also-5 year old cousin threw his plate (thinking it was a game) and knocked over the turkey, making it hit the grass. Our dogs came running over and immediately started practically ripping the entire thing apart. Now there’s chaos to try and pull the dogs away, get the turkey off the ground, calm me screaming, calm my cousin who thinks it’s a food fight, console my sister who’s in tears, stop my dad and uncle who were fighting, stop my 2 grandmas who were also fighting. And then there was my poor mom and aunt, who were just sitting there, in the middle of it all, in tears while trying to calm the baby. It took probably a good 90 minutes to settle everything down, get everyone to just sit and calm down, and get back to the dinner. My mom set a new plate of butter and rolls in front of me and then said “Lo juro por Dios, si alguien toma este plato, no será bonito.” Which means “I swear to god, if anyone takes this plate, it's not going to be pretty.” The adults would use Spanish to hide things from us kids cuz none of us knew enough. So we just knew “Mom used Spanish…this is serious.” The family let me be and I was happy as a clam with my bread and butter. You’d never think I was the one who lit the match and set off a chaos bomb. It’s by far the best holiday story I’ve ever had and I’m 21 now. I don’t know if anything could ever top this one. Every thanksgiving, someone brings it up and we just laugh at how insane things got over bread and butter. It’s like a tradition now and I love it

[@abbycollins]

Jesus, if that ain’t my extended family on Christmas 😂 you made my day

[@CrazyPilox]

You've definitely made my week with this story 😂

[@axehead45]

Never get between a child and their favorite food. There will be casualties

[@z4ck3563]

so my dads family has a sort of a tradition making a "christmas tree salad" each christmas. its not a salad at all. its like a mix of jello, cottage cheese, green food dye, and pimentos in a Christmas tree mold to make a sickly pale green tree thing but weeks after christmas theres always a lot left and once i decided it would be a good idea to tell 2 friends it was some amazing dish. um one of them nearly threw up

[@reptilesarecool9763]

That sound absolutely horrific

[@easternjellyfish2521]

Midwest? That’s about par for the course.

[@waluigiwah6836]

That almost sounds like a party cheese salad, oh boy...

[@ChucksSAF]

Cooking with jack?

[@iridium141]

Did you get the recipe from an aunt?

[@kdduck3219]

One Christmas about 8 years ago my parents got me this freaky stuffed animal thing called a feisty pet because I was into robots. You press the buttons on the side of their head and their jaw is supposed to open a bit to show it's teeth while the eyebrows get angry. I pressed the button and the jaw made a horrible screeching metallic noise as it unhinged it's jaw like a snake. My parents tried to convince me that it was a snake and that it was "singing". It was a rainbow unicorn.

[@eggnog8936]

lol i had one of those too, but it wasn't a snake unicorn that sounds like a car driving without the tires when it opens its mouth

[@spotlightanimation6719]

I thought these were fever dreams

[@beastmaster0934]

My sister has one. Hers is a husky or a wolf or something.

[@itspunishmenttime6325]

In 2021 I got a panda like this, except that he doesn't make any sound and isn't a demonic mistake. I really like him and sleep with him on the bed for protection.

[@Petrichoredits1]

I love those things so much

[@donniealbaugh8947]

This is my favorite Matt Rose video. I come back to it like once a week and laugh hysterically every time.

[@gigibellbells]

same 😭

[@stellaanneee]

Christmas 2017: My uncle was convinced that the ice on my grandmas 3m deep garden pond was thick enough to walk on it. It was not.

[@SAURONISTHEBESTANDITISME]

My cousin received a stuffed toy called a flup'a'zoo for Christmas. (Almost like those popular octopi toys everybody owns these days). She was extremely happy and after unwrapping everything we went to church. The young children were called forward and asked what they got for Christmas. My cousin, who has a strong accent, said it's name but through the microphone it sounded like she said 'a fucking zoo.'

[@EatAnOctorok]

I don’t know what’s funnier, people being shocked at the “fucking”, or thinking she actually got a zoo.

[@Izzy-be-dizzy]

Lol

[@gal4xybr0]

That's hilarious wat 💀

[@InventorZahran]

@@EatAnOctorok Or maybe a zoo that only exhibits animals when they're fucking?

[@harshmnr]

Hahaha once I told at church over the microphone that we put beer in our family's Christmas cookies. 😂 ~:~

[@MaskedAztec]

Is no-one else going to appreciate the way Matt says “BWWEEEGHH”

[@NoriMori1992]

One year our Christmas tree fell down, and of all the ornaments, the only one that broke was one that Mom got for my first Christmas, with my birth year on it. (Fortunately she was able to get it replaced, amazingly by the same business that made the first one. Still, though.) Now we always put the tree in a corner and tie it to the nearest wall.

[@joshshrum2764]

That’s still pretty sad because you can never replace a Momento,

[@kogi1051]

Ok I know this isn’t related to Christmas but when I saw the vacuum cleaner wrapped up it reminded me of the time I gifted my own father a rather phallic shaped object for Father’s Day when I was four. My class were making picture frames out of those lolly pop stick things and I didn’t want to so me and this other guy decided to make “volcanoes” out of clay for our fathers. They were practically small mounds with a very long red thing at the end sticking up. I always wondered for years why my dad laughed about it when he saw it or it was mentioned, and it only just came to me when my mum bring it up in conversation one year and I’ve forgotten about it since. The worst thing is that my teacher helped me make it. My teacher was a female.

[@Josie.E.]

Oh my..

[@zenmode3125]

Lmfao that was genius

[@reptilesarecool9763]

hmmm

[@raidaridi5375]

THIS IS,THE BEST STORY EVER.

[@Bellllllz]

... red rocket?

[@W1ldestride]

One year my grandmother got fed up by how long it took us to make the broccoli, had one bite of a roll and shouted: “y’know I gotta take a dump”, proceeded to shit her pants and blamed my mom’s broccoli that was still cooking on top of the stove

[@dove5777]

My Grandma made a coconut cream pie. My aunt for some reason put it in the FRICKING OVEN. It was coconut cream soup after that. It was actually really sad but super funny 😂

[@johnlesher3001]

your aunt probably pretended to love it

[@dove5777]

@@johnlesher3001 we tried to eat it but... it tasted like warm chunky coconut cream. :/

[@johnlesher3001]

@@dove5777 that sounds horrible

[@EatAnOctorok]

I’m sorry, it’s just fucking hilarious to me to see “cream pie”, “aunt” and “soup” in the same comment.

[@saisai-z1s7t]

@@EatAnOctorok 😭😭

[@TheOldSalt]

My dad bought us a tree from a tree farm, as we normally did. Two weeks later, on the day before Christmas Eve, everyone wakes up and finds that the ceiling is covered in thousands of spiders….. Turns out there was a spider nest in the tree.

[@alvaeriksson3623]

Omg I can only imagine the panic. How did you get rid of them?

[@TheOldSalt]

@@alvaeriksson3623 I don’t remember, but I wasn’t in the house at the time

[@cuckoobrain7999]

free spiders!

[@foolofdaggers7555]

Yeah, that's why you want to have the tree-farm guys shake it out for you. Most of them have a tree-shaking machine that will shake it really powerfully to get all the dead needles off, which also deals with most of the spiders.

[@chocobear4078]

Yum! Free protein!

[@ellecapone1337]

“Howard be thy name” made me laugh waaaay too hard 🤣

[@jebidiahconcarni4393]

one christmas my dad got angry at everyone over a game of monopoly and threw an onion bhaji behind the tv

[@Matt_Rose]

I think every game of Monopoly ends with someone throwing something

[@tacohead8543]

ok that's not too odd, but what's an onion bhaji

[@jebidiahconcarni4393]

@@tacohead8543 its like the onion bread things you get at miller and carter, you get them with curry

[@francesatty7022]

@@tacohead8543 indian food - its like a little fried cake/fritter made out of onion. it's really good and very common in anglo-indian food

[@nekomimicatears]

@@jebidiahconcarni4393 ??

[@lilyfox313]

One year after spending precisely half an hour with my family I was yelled at by my dad for "spreading my presents out too far" (they were in a pile on the living room floor where I'd opened them). When I complained my mum yelled at me for talking back. Needless to say I'm having Christmas with my friends this year!

[@sunniedayz2450]

Yikes

[@nateKitsura]

if i had parents like that i would be a serial killer

[@husband-of-chinggis]

@@nateKitsura 😭😭😭🖐

[@anus7407]

Damn bro you took that personally try having some responsibility

[@lilyfox313]

@@anus7407 Your username suits you perfectly

[@Willisoutforblood]

One year my great uncle took the stuffing out of the oven and placed it directly on the stone counter. It promptly exploded, to the chagrin of the five other people currently occupying the kitchen and my grandmother, whose nice glass casserole dish he'd just rendered into a million little stuffing-coated shards. Another year, my poor father forgot the sugar in the pumpkin pie. We've never quite let him forget it, even if he does nearly pop a blood vessel when we bring it up. Cheers

[@hollowtheory]

A bit late to the party, but I got my sister A large assortment of clown dolls, knowing that she hated both clowns and dolls. What I had forgotten and she had not realized was that the clown heads were antiques and the heads were made of porcelain. Moments after she opened them, I saw a clown's face headed straight for mine followed by excruciating pain as it impacted with and broke my nose

[@w.t.5136]

Ouch... deserved though

[@EGLEWRRR]

I'm sorry mate, but it kind of serves you right for trying to scare her

[@hollowtheory]

@@EGLEWRRR oh, no, I definitely DID deserve it. 100% however, it was also 100% worth it

[@EGLEWRRR]

@@hollowtheory Hahahahaha, fair enough - hope you have a good Christmas this year

[@justamicrowave2572]

@@hollowtheory At least you’re a good sport about it lmao

[@paxtonbristol4121]

I was like six and up at my nanas house. My aunt and her got into a massive fight and my aunt threw the box of cookies. they were storebought, but seasonal and i loved those things. I started crying and ran to my room.. Then my Nana came in, hands behind her back until she revealed a *second box of cookies* she had. Cheered me up. I love that woman. Then my pepe accidentally ate an entire chunk of a wine glass cuz he bit it when he went to take a sip and just went with it but thats neither here nor there

[@aishutoon4553]

Dude, your Nana sounds awesome.

[@aquariumfish-i4h]

If my aunt threw the cookies in the trash I would throw my aunt in the trash

[@DarkShard5728]

​@@aquariumfish-i4hyou are definitely not old enough to use youtube

[@aquariumfish-i4h]

@@DarkShard5728 You are definitely an age shamer with no life and parents who left

[@hanabira_mitsu]

​@@DarkShard5728idk im 19 and id do the same cookies are good

[@fairyqt]

One year my family hosted Thanksgiving for the extended family on both sides and we prepared all day and only AFTER the guests arrived my mom noticed she never turned on the oven to cook the turkey. Love her to bits.

[@KarkaranosBuilds]

Even though my cat is 3, he enjoys scrambling up the christmas tree. He gets to the very top, then waits for someone to walk by before launching himself down and landing, claws out, on their shoulder. Really makes for a great time.

[@TheCaptainAmelia]

3 is still pretty young for a cat

[@Gnomewarlord34]

One Christmas when I was about 7 or 8, I didn't get a frog that I wanted for Christmas so I threatened my family that I'd turn myself into one instead. I nearly drowned myself I the kitchen sink.

[@CoingamerFL]

i had a discord friend that one time spammed your profile pic in a server with 100 people or something and i got flashbacks to that thanks to you

[@Gnomewarlord34]

@@CoingamerFL you're welcome

[@LordChesalot]

That escalated quickly

[@GippyHappy]

I would give a million dollars to be in the room when some stupid toddler marches into the dining room wearing that robe just to hear the collective gasps of shock and horror. That's some sitcom level shenanigans right there.

[@rebel_scvm]

once during thanksgiving, we were all having a toast before beginning to eat, so everyone shouts “cheers!” and begins to eat. my cousin and brother shout out just loud enough for everyone to hear, “dilly dilly!” (like the budweiser commercial.) its become a tradition for our great grandmother to shout it out now every year

[@gaspshichat]

last christmas my uncle (who i barely know and i don't think he knows my name) said "this gift is from santa!! look what he got you big girl." it was a barbie doll. i was turning 14 four months later. i gave the doll to my then 2 year old sister once we got home

[@EatAnOctorok]

Late bloomer? I can imagine a decent number of girls who might be 20 and could easily pass for 10.

[@gaspshichat]

@@EatAnOctorok highly doubt it. this was the first time he saw me since i was around 6 or 7 years old. he knew i was much older, but i guess he didn't know how much older

[@williamddougans]

As a Canadian I can not thank you enough for saying happy thanksgiving to us since our thanksgiving time is different

[@threegoblinsinatrenchcoat748]

By far the worst Thanksgiving that I've had would probably had been last year's Thanksgiving. My parents pulled out the turkey a bit too early to defrost, and by the time Thanksgiving rolled around, the turkey was starting to rot. This lead to an entire saga of having to run to the next town over to get a turkey, that turkey was mediocre at best. Edit: just for clarification, the turkey was in the refrigerator, not on the counter. This didn't make the situation any better though.

[@itsaquagamer6101]

Damn, how long did they defrost it for?!

[@threegoblinsinatrenchcoat748]

@@itsaquagamer6101 about a week

[@bimgus5808]

@@threegoblinsinatrenchcoat748 w h a t

[@threegoblinsinatrenchcoat748]

@@bimgus5808 I know, I had a feeling that the bird would be bad because they took it out waaay too early. Thankfully, we got the replacement turkey right before the store we were at closed for the day.

[@NoriMori1992]

@@threegoblinsinatrenchcoat748 W-Why?!?! Edit: Oh, in the fridge. That's a more understandable mistake.

[@Maltodextreen]

During my family's Christmas, my uncle was high as balls, got upset when my uncle got him a bible for Christmas because he couldn't find his "smoking bible" (as in he used the pages to make cigarettes), caused a scene, and we ended up moving everything over to a different person's house including the roast in the oven, and left my uncle behind. Still better than the year we had to call the cops.

[@reptilesarecool9763]

Ooooh what happened when you had to call the cops?

[@lorifischer6885]

I'm trying to find a reason to have any sort of sympathy for him but a smoking Bible? What the actual hell

[@Maltodextreen]

@@lorifischer6885 Yup, and this is just from one day. there's many more stories

[@Maltodextreen]

@@reptilesarecool9763 Don't remember much because ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓊𝓂𝒶 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧, but the gist is that two of my uncles that hadn't been in the same room together for years(and for good reason) were both invited to Christmas at my mom's place, got into a verbal fight, and almost had a brawl in the driveway, at the end they were kicked out, and my big sister was crying in the bathroom because one of my uncles(same one from the above story) told her that she was the reason our parents divorced and our dad was in jail

[@reptilesarecool9763]

@@Maltodextreen oh I’m sorry for bringing it up Oof

[@maddoxmonteza]

Imagine living with a world war 2 bayonet stuck in your celling for 3 months

[@Creature42069]

The guy who commented that is my friend! Apparently they just kinda lived with it lmao

[@cat21860]

The foster kittens in the ventilation system is the best thing I’ve heard in a long time.

[@TegeTalksAlot]

Here’s a vivid memory Christmas memory of mine: So every Christmas Eve I would go to my grandparents on my dads side with my dad and my sister to celebrate. We would watch a movie, open presents, and eat dinner. So one year we were eating dinner and it had gone momentarily silent as everyone was eating, all the sudden my grandma turned to my sister and out of the blue said 'People like you and me and what I liked to call pleasantly plump'. No conversation led up to it, my sister just smiled awkwardly but I could tell she was upset. Pretty sure my dad had a talk with my grandma afterward. Long story short my grandparents on my dads side are fucked up.

[@woobgamer5210]

okay but to be real, that's some fucking body optimism from your gran right there.

[@TegeTalksAlot]

@@woobgamer5210 Ehh it’s a bit debatable, she once said my sister ‘has my moms belly’ and said I was growing upward and my sister was growing outward

[@JaneAustenAteMyCat]

Ah she sounds just like my mother, who also suffers from foot in mouth disease

[@myquiescentmind]

Here's a doozy from quite a while back: One Christmas my entire family ended up getting head lice. And mind you, this year the majority of our extended relatives traveled to our state to celebrate, so literally everyone was spending multiple nights at our house. My poor little sisters got the most of the nasty buggers which my mom had to take care of, while my aunts and I were drenching our heads in mayonnaise and olive oil and then wrapping them up with plastic wrap and towels. One of my aunts had so many eggs in her hair it looked white. And of course, there were the few individuals we all tried to keep from knowing about the whole incident. My mom literally told my siblings and I not to get too close to our baby cousin's head. Worst Christmas Ever. (Btw, if y'all ever have a problem of this nature, immediately purchase some Vamousse lice treatment, that stuff worked wonders).

[@isthatrubble]

mayonnaise?????

[@luciesimpson6437]

...mayonnaise and olive oil? Were you trying to get rid of them or put them on a mediterranian diet?

[@Man_Aslume]

As one of the lice, that was a amazing Christmas See you next year! Nah but fr, that sounds like hell

[@DarkShard5728]

i know people don't like mayo but its fucking food what kinda 5 minute crafts bullshit was that supposed to achieve

[@arandomcatheehee]

When I was still pretty young, the wii had just come out. Of course, my sister and I begged for it all the way up to christmas day. We tore into our gifts, until the final one was before us. Our excitement was overloading, it was a pretty big box! We opened it, screaming, “IT’S A WII, IT’S A WII-“ but… my sister pulled out a shoe, “IT’S A- shoe?” My sister burst into tears, wailing as I cackled. I wasn’t sure if it was a prank, but it WAS kind of hilarious. My dad had already set it up :)

[@NoriMori1992]

That IS really cruel, wow. Edit: Oh he did actually get you a Wii though? That's not so bad then…

[@jackeroni216]

Did you end up getting a Wii?

[@RedshirtAfficionado]

@@jackeroni216 “it was already set up”

[@bakrobertjohnston4889]

I just imagine you open the box and it’s a single brown loafer just standing there

[@xDLiLi1337]

2 people in the replies don't seem to have any reading comprehension.

[@WasatchWind]

One Christmas we got our customary Terry's chocolate oranges in our stockings. We put them away and spent Christmas day at Grandma's house. When we arrived home, our family dog had managed to eat several of them in their entirety, even though some were sitting on the top of a really tall dresser. He also ate someone's entire bag of chocolate kisses. This was after he had also found a present a few days before that our uncle sent us that contained chocolate. No, our dog didn't die. He puked it all up, and happily went on his way with hardly any repercussions. In terms of Christmas rankings, it was worse than the one where I was little and got a super bad case of the flu, and had to spend most of Christmas break in the basement. At least then I could play my new copy of Roller Coaster Tycoon. Nothing however, could bring back our chocolate oranges. I will forever stare down that dog on Christmas for his despicable crimes - and yet I fear him, for after consuming copious amounts of poison, he only craves more...

[@dedchanel4002]

i guess both of our dogs are built different considering my teacup managed to survive an entire winter outside

[@sunniedayz2450]

I have a dog that's immune to chocolate. Not that we ever gave him some on purpose, he just got into it and never had issues

[@NoriMori1992]

I feel you. Terry's chocolate oranges are sacred. I would forgive a dog almost anything, but even I'm not sure I could look at them the same way if they deprived me of a Terry's chocolate orange.

[@WasatchWind]

@@NoriMori1992 And he ate like THREE or FOUR. It's awful to me, because if one of my siblings accidentally eats a brownie I was saving, I'm upset, but at least the brownie was still enjoyed by someone. The dog just consumes it and barfs it back up.

[@aromanticfranziskavonkarma]

your dog reminds me of diego armando from ace attorney and i think that's incredibly funny

[@totallynothunter8]

One year, my grandma forgot to take the plastic off the ham AND turkey. It was clear plastic, so you couldn't see it, but in the instructions, it said *DO NOT FORGET TO TAKE OFF THE SECOND LAYER OF PLASTIC* in all caps. My grandma doesn't like reading instructions. We started loading up the plates and nobody noticed that it smelt like burnt plastic because that was the time of year when we all got allergies and our noses were stuffed. We only noticed when I started choking on it. I was about 5 or 6. We ended up only being able to eat pickles, stuffing, and baby carrots (all of which I hated) for Thanksgiving dinner because the plastic had melted into the turkey and ham, and it would be toxic to eat it.

[@AndrewtheLNERA1]

im sorry but ur grandmother is a fucking idiot

[@Fredfellow]

I'm guessing your grandma isn't allowed to cook for any holiday after this event?

[@HospitableSpirit]

One time when I was a small child in elementary school I won this competition with an invention I made. Ever sense then every year my grandpa has sent me something related to inventions despite it not being closely related to anything I'm remotely interested in today. I've confronted him about this and yet it keeps happening. Gifts include small magnifying glass, book for toddlers about inventors, a tin punching kit, and other similar ideas. I appreciate the effort but i don't know when he will learn I don't sit around tinkering on my next invention all day

[@EatAnOctorok]

My friend, have you considered maybe what you could have ended up doing if you stuck to that?

[@TheSixYearOld]

Irony is really lost on you, huh

[@HospitableSpirit]

@@TheSixYearOld did you know a tarantula spider can survive for more than two years without food

[@andrescastillo1032]

@@HospitableSpirit Neat

[@TheCaptainAmelia]

What the hell does he think you are,Gyro Gearloose?

[@mantahurrah7400]

My aunt had been living with us for a while after breaking her pelvis in a car accident, and accidentally ran over my cat’s tail with her wheelchair. She was already doing really poorly mentally, and cried off and on for a good hour about how she hurt the cat. Felt awful for her, cat still hates her though.

[@trashkitty8736]

aww

[@DarkShard5728]

​@@trashkitty8736this is not an "aww" story

[@trashkitty8736]

@@DarkShard5728 "aww' as in "aww, poor thing"

[@DarkShard5728]

@@trashkitty8736 it's not an "aww" story in either case. i thought about it. "aww poor thing" is not an appropriate response to a mentally unwell person crying for an hour over something

[@B.anan.a]

@@DarkShard5728They probably meant the cat.

[@Peregrine7567]

My dad runs a research lab and we always invite his grad students to our family thanksgiving. One student was Chinese but raised in America, so he’d heard a lot about but never experienced a “true American thanksgiving.” There were only five people at dinner that year, so my mom bought a 10 pound turkey. The student thought it was massive, and was shocked to learn it was actually a pretty small bird.

[@NoriMori1992]

Can't remember if it was at Thanksgiving or Christmas, but years ago my aunt jokingly did the "read between the lines" version of the middle finger to someone (you hold up three fingers instead of one). But she did it the wrong way around, with her palm facing forward. I silently reached over and turned her hand around the right way, and everyone started laughing their asses off. She still brings it up sometimes.

[@NiennaFan1]

That's just the Hunger Games salute isn't it?

[@capitolcontroversy5483]

Most of our family lives on an island just a little apart from the mainland UK, and one Christmas eve my dad decided to go to the mainland, pick up my brother and get the ferry to the island so we could spend Christmas together. Instead, there was a mini-blizzard which cancelled the ferry meaning me and my mum spent Christmas alone in the house in the freezing cold, having burnt chicken nuggets for Christmas dinner while my dad and brother were stuck in a grimy little hostel in a tiny town somewhere in Scotland

[@armen9335]

1:38 yikes that has to hurt in SO many ways

[@rebekahl840]

Christmases are fairly tame in my house due to copious amounts of planning, but the last time all my grandparents were together for a big occasion, my grandpa and grandad spent a good half an hour talking about some random bloke's prostate cancer. We have the separately now. Oh and my aunt turned up from London with a big preztel. None of us really like preztles.

[@rebekahl840]

@Enderpro Oh, I'm so sorry mate, they just aren't our thing! Got nothing against them, though

[@bakrobertjohnston4889]

How do you go from “please Pass the butter” in a Spartan accent to your brother and sister leaving town out of anger

[@joanofarcreal]

2:47 as an aspiring forensic psych student i can vouch that i cry over it a lot

[@sworishina]

One Christmas, my grandparents drove four hours to visit my family! Then Grandma slipped on an uninflated bouncy ball and broke her hip. The ambulance was called while I took care of my fussy four younger siblings in another room (no one explained to me what was even going on. It was chaotic). She had to stay in a rehab center for months to relearn how to walk. On the plus side, I got to see her and my grandpa a lot more often for those few months while she was stuck in town...