The Absolute Legend That was Lord Timothy Dexter

[@loka7783]

Lord Timothy Dexter: What happens when you max out your Luck stat.

[@LordDreadwolf]

But put nothing in intelligence.

[@overlorddante]

Better to be lucky than good

[@barelyasurvivor1257]

and use int and wisdom as dump stats

[@likebot.]

That reminds me that with all the changes to the rules, TSR never looked at the characteristics. You'd think with examples like Dexter IRL they'd eventually add Luck as part of character creation. Of course, Dexter had a shipload of D20s with 20 printed on every facet.

[@TifBannen]

Your comment is the 1st laugh I've had today and I'm just headed for bed. Bravo and Grazie Mille.

[@shanehebert3237]

This man made a fortune buying dead money and shipping mittens to an equatorial nation. What the hell am I doing with my life.

[@timothyneiswander3151]

I have some beach front property on Alligator Ally in Florida I could sell you. You could make it rich in real estate.

[@johnstevenson9956]

There's also the expression, "coals to Newcastle". Who knew that could be profitable?

[@RadioactiveSherbet]

He's the personification of the phrase "He could sell ice cream to an Eskimo."

[@barelyasurvivor1257]

@@johnstevenson9956 That is the one that just blasted me away and the cold weather gear to tropical climate didn't help at all My brain hurts

[@GerManBearPig]

@@timothyneiswander3151 Its all about marketing ... "prime 'gator spotting location" for the adventurous sound much better than reptile and insect infested hellhole

[@-souls-5989]

"And Dexter realised, that for the first time, there were a lot if bucks in Massachusetts"

[@Jacks_Bad_Ideas]

Ah yes

[@jettzbigdaddy3055]

& doe...

[@OtakuUnitedStudio]

A fellow alum of Sam O'nella Academy?

[@wetblanketnoob6434]

Heck yeah

[@oldtimegames96]

Wow, was about to say that Simon was late to the party XD

[@DiracComb.7585]

Raise your hand if you know this guy from Sam O’Nella

[@fattdamon1980]

Thanks, I couldn't remember where I learned about him. A man so great he was worth watching a second video describing his exploits lol.

[@workhardism]

Yup

[@silliestz]

We need that man back on youtube, right this instant.

[@nathanosullivan5278]

Ah yes. Did sound familiar

[@Nikolaj11]

It's because Sam O'Nella covered Dexter that this channel does too. TIFO has a tendency to release videos on subject covered by other creators, sometimes with more in-depth analysis of the sources behind the stories.

[@Zarkonem]

This dude sounds like an incredibly lucky, narcissistic lunatic. He must have been a very interesting and difficult person to deal with.

[@nikiTricoteuse]

Would love to have had dinner with him!

[@furlizard]

Maybe bipolar?

[@harrypadarri6349]

@@furlizard Well, it doesn’t fit. The story doesn’t sound like him having some typical short episodes of mania. It’s a misconception that people suffering from untreated bipolar disorder have constantly impaired cognition. That is only the case in intensive manic episodes which usually last shorter and maybe if a very bad depressive episode hits it’s worst part. Sounds like this guy’s whole life was an episode of weirdness.

[@spiritfoxmy6370]

If he'd lived for another 11 years, maybe he could have been elected President

[@benhutchinson9054]

Thought u were talking about Simon 😂

[@jodyharnish9104]

I read a more in depth bio of Lord Dexter, and it said that he got his loony ideas from businessmen who resented this young upstart and set out to ruin him. It backfired spectacularly. The coal strike in Newcastle was perfectly timed. They could never guess that bed warmers would be the perfect thing for making rum. Lady Karma was having a field day with them, and they kept going back for more.

[@AsbestosMuffins]

sounds more like his ship captain or quartermaster (whoever sold cargo) was a hell of a wheeler and dealer

[@johnkongphooey3629]

Not sure about anyone else, but I want a Business Blaze special where Simon reads the whole book.

[@brantleyhester6641]

Yes

[@jonrolfson1686]

That would absolutely require a sort of Victor Borge (1909 - 2000) "phonetic punctuation" treatment of the cache of punctuation symbols provided as an addendum to Dexter’s book.

[@JimTheFly]

At a convention I work, there's an event where people try to read "The Eye of Argon" aloud without making mistakes or laughing. The Eye of Argon is bad. Really bad. Horribly bad. A Pickle for the Knowing Ones makes it look like fine literature. I need to make a reading of this a convention event now. Or at least an online convention-style event.

[@matt.p.6022]

@@JimTheFly when you do this, PLEASE let us know how it goes over! XD

[@Nphen]

This should have been a Business Blaze video. But Simon wanted to do it as a straight video. And almost succeeded. (checks stats) did succeed.

[@dksdg]

The page of periods for the “knowing” is epic

[@Albukhshi]

Now don't slander him: It's the "nowing"

[@Leviathan56]

@@Albukhshi obviously

[@macsmith2013]

Makes me think this man was really a highly intelligent epic troll, way ahead of his time.

[@barlotardy]

It wasn't enough for the British to be driven from the colonies; He had to brutally torture their language as well...

[@FitzChivalryFarseer2]

Maybe then it twas on purpose after all since he was a patriot

[@stefanmuntean5289]

@@snesnshred3535 that was French...to top it all

[@gennik7966]

I dont know why but when I clicked on this video I suddenly contracted Sam-O-Nella

[@sebastiansabri1889]

🤣🤣🤣

[@realhawaii5o]

Nice.

[@aleisterlavey9716]

Didn't you wash your dirty hands before clicking? Because that's how you get Sam-O-Nella...

[@TheNotoriousCheeto]

And you're saying this man never lived in Florida? Impossible.

[@nekomasteryoutube3232]

Wasn't florida at that time owned by the Spanish?

[@enriquehartmann8642]

See??? Contrary to popular belief, us Floridians do not have the monopoly on crazy.

[@justinweber4977]

Clearly everyone in Florida is descended from this man.

[@Carlton_Wilson]

He was from Bahwstun. Have you met many Bostonians?

[@dillonjohnson7833]

I can confirm, he is one of us.

[@adamaskins1879]

The painters ACTUALLY torched his house to get revenge for him taking a shot at one of their own. Allegedly.

[@jenniferschmitzer299]

Simon still has those red cups. cool.

[@noth606]

OG BB legend detected ;-)

[@SkunkApe407]

So they waited until he was dead to get their revenge? Kinda pointless, don't you think?

[@bensoncheung2801]

@@SkunkApe407 Obviously, they didn't want to face what his unusual luck would do to them if he could fight back.

[@SkunkApe407]

@@bensoncheung2801 he was DEAD! I highly doubt his corpse gave a damn about a burning house...

[@tylerharry6319]

"Painters decided to remove the old paint with torches..." Yeah Simon, I'm pretty sure thats just called arson.

[@slimphotog]

I feel like Dexter's whole life was Bonus Facts.

[@thetarr2]

he was doing side quests for like 50 years of his life

[@deprivedoftrance]

Lost it at "written like he was trying to get back at a former English teacher'. I am adding this to my repertoire, it is an amazing saying.

[@legomego3333]

We need a whole video on the thought process of removing paint with torches.

[@jarehelt]

worked like a charm! The paint was effectively and thoroughly "removed"

[@ckl9390]

It has to do with the use of lead enamel paint. Unlike the easy to dissolve and peel latex paints that have been common for most of our lives, the lead paint that they had back then could not be easily dissolved once cured, at least with the solvents they had available to them at the time. Once cured, the easiest way to remove the paint would be to blister it with heat which makes chipping and scraping easier. Using solvents could work, but it would be a tediously long and labour intensive process, even by the standards of the time. Using heat to remove paint is still a viable practice today, though a much safer and easier to control heat gun is used.

[@MakusinMeringue]

This guy got some godly RNG

[@acepilot1]

RNGeesus

[@aaronbasham6554]

And all the figgypudding

[@skizzik121]

@@aaronbasham6554 I've no clue what a figgypudding is...but I'm at least interested

[@TheVirtualObserver]

@@skizzik121 It’s a British dish I believe.

[@flyingman2633]

He maxed out Luck in the game of life.

[@Slug99]

I can't imagine the surprise of the crew heading for Siberia when they ran into Dexter hawking mittens in the carribean. Its like when the video game knows that you've forgotten to pick up a useful item before a boss fight so it places an extremely odd looking and attention grabbing NPC at the last save point before the fight and the items are so out of place you can't imagine he's there by accident.

[@Consul99]

So basically, Lord Dexter is a time traveler?

[@oracleofdelphi4533]

Well, he certainly writes like a twitter user.

[@LegendFromWoW]

It's like he did the Eric Andre show but without a camera.

[@JMurdochNZ]

I thought the same

[@eatyacereal]

I'm surprised he could even use one

[@cchamilton1985]

Deadpool: Luck isn't a superpower Lorde Dexter: Hold my beer

[@illbeyourmonster1959]

joe biden: I'ma hire this guy for my speechwriter!

[@deiadraper6358]

Well he was ahead of his time because it looks like Google microphone writing and texting of today

[@bukster1]

I had a boss like him once. He was wealthy, incompetent and thought he was brilliant. However, his wealth came from the fact he was incredibly lucky. He took the craziest risks and time and again they paid off. He'd do things that were outright illegal. We would warn him that he was going to put the entire company out of business and get himself arrested and it just didn't happen - he'd get away with it.

[@zeusathena26]

If I didn't see the terrible writing, I'd of thought Simon had a stroke.

[@tookitogo]

*it’s ”I’d have”

[@jonrolfson1686]

Did you mean that you were apprehensive that the way Simon usually treats vowels had begun to have a more universal effect, loosening the tight rein that he normally keeps on his disdainful attitude toward the language?

[@harrypadarri6349]

@@jonrolfson1686 I don’t get why some people constantly complain about Simon‘s pronunciation. Am I missing something? ^^

[@TheWolvesCurse]

I nearly get a stroke everytime someone uses "of" instad of "have", and i'm not even a native english speaker.

[@illbeyourmonster1959]

Pretty sure he's joe bidens speechwriter now. 😁

[@njabulombuyazi5132]

I hope somebody makes a movie or series about his life. This dude is an absolute legend. He has to be the luckiest person to have ever walked the face of Earth

[@Sandshark17]

Simon sounds like he's glitching when he reads from the book lol

[@Practitioner_of_Diogenes]

This guy sounds like he could roll nothing but 20s in every DnD campaign he'd take part in.

[@casualinquisitor5684]

Let it be known a 2nd grade drop out in the 1700s was more successful then most people who currently hold a college degree call it luck call it Gods blessing this statement remains true

[@scowler92]

You know, maybe we do need a Great Reset. Just not the pussy shit Davos has in mind.

[@derektober8736]

This series of words would probably fit seamlessly into Timothy Dexter's book. ;D

[@punkhyena875]

I like to think god has a sense of humor.

[@SMPKarma]

or you could call it what it is - late stage capitalism

[@punkhyena875]

@@SMPKarma Never understood the point of that term I feel like its communist cope for being essentially irrelevant nowadays. All most "communists" do is attach themselves to larger more relevant social justice movements that have nothing in common with them aside from being socially progressive. Nah if you ask me were more like at the tail end of mid stage capitalism. You don't want to see actual late stage capitalism.

[@theangelbelow88]

When you put all your skill points into the luck stat

[@Case16710]

This guy might have been president if they had Twitter back then.

[@NotSure109]

He wasn't half black but yes

[@illbeyourmonster1959]

Today he writes speeches for joe biden. Obviously. 😆

[@flatplant]

That "bad spelling" is a pretty interesting look at how people from that era may have pronounced and conceptualized certain words and phrases. The fact that he spells children as "shildren" makes me wonder if some people would always pronounce "ch" in the way one would when pronouncing a word like "champagne".

[@jenlc1536]

Actually on one of this guy's channels he did a video of how far back in time we could go and still understand the English language. It touched on this

[@LorchVHS]

I'm sure every word containing a "CH" would come out sounding like "SH" while the speaker is drunk and drunk many speakers were back then.

[@theaccursedj.e.2723]

Akshully...yeah I got nothing.

[@areallycoolhat5427]

It was actually pretty genius. The book criticized the Catholic Church and priests at the time, and by making the book seem like an illiterate fever dream and purposefully misspelling the word 'priests', he was able to get away with it without oppression by the church

[@deathhimself1653]

​@@LorchVHS He liked the french. French words, Chivalry, Champagne, etc... have the Ch sound as sh. Lord Dexter here probably just wanted to sound very french, and therefore made every Ch sound in the french style.

[@tommysheehan2136]

Cool, just found my new favorite person in history

[@DoctorX17]

They page full of punctuation in the second edition of his book killed me

[@rickc2102]

E Nuf

[@laurenelizabeth2592]

This was a BLESSING. Best episode of your channels ever.

[@DustyQuests]

Thank you to everyone who makes these videos! Cheers

[@evanosburn718]

Dexter went on to become part owner of a pub in Philly and is now known as Charlie

[@theaccursedj.e.2723]

KITTON MITTONS! Meow!

[@Emily.J.]

This is the most incredible story I never knew I needed to hear

[@capnstewy55]

Such a LEGEND! He needs his own business blaze episode.

[@PeterCombs]

I use to live right down the street from where this man lived...he was pretty well out there..

[@malicious217]

I watch pretty much all of your channels... This is why I watch. This is historically ridiculous and amazing. Thanks for sharing!

[@karenkinsey2380]

Notice how the title to "The Pickle for the Knowing Ones" is spelled correctly.

[@rubiconnn]

And somehow he spells it differently at the end of the book.

[@adam_knocks]

I got distracted when you started to talk about the book. Legitimately thought they filmed you having a stroke. Absolutely brilliant piece of American literature don’t know how we were never taught it in school or college.

[@valmid5069]

*Hilariously lucky, he’s basically if Homer Simpson and Forrest Gump are combined to one person*

[@jonslg240]

Hahaha the page of punctuation is probably the best thing he ever did! That's the most hilarioustiest thing I've seen all week 😂

[@Alufear]

"...thay may peper and solt is as they plese" threw me on my ass. What an absolute stallion.

[@ewestner]

Holy moly, this is the best video I have ever seen, right down to the paint-removing torches.

[@makkosauce]

I wanna thank Sam O'Nella for telling me about this absolute mad man

[@karlchristie1856]

I've seen this channel before, but this is the video that compelled me to subscribe.

[@MrZenwise]

A Pickle for Knowing ones has rave reviews and a 94% liked rating xD, so a quick search revealed!

[@nekomasteryoutube3232]

Probably because everyone who read the book had a stroke and hit the like button by accident.

[@MrZenwise]

@@nekomasteryoutube3232 They just loved the content :)

[@zachhogan3429]

Great Video, still a local legend in Newburyport MA, and his house still stands today! No fire completely burned it down (though a big one did some damage in the 80s I believe).

[@smilingthroughitall1115]

Fellow alumni of Sam O'Nella Academy, raise your hands!

[@sniktythwip5524]

That written passage reminds me of Charlie from Always Sunny in Philadelphia

[@thegingergyrl455]

That was like trying to read a letter from one of my relatives. My good grief, the torture of it all. Well done on your interpretation though. 👍🏻

[@dr.hemmington7981]

Just after Simon read the intro of the novel to us, I got an Audible commercial ... I just lost it, best (random) add placement ever 5/7.

[@MoOveOver_plz]

Sam O’nella did an incredible video about this god amongst men

[@drewgschwind9628]

I feel like knowing Timothy has changed my life. I am currently reading his whole book and it is ground breaking!

[@garfieldh.8820]

"It's the opinion of the entire staff that Dexter is criminally insane!"

[@enriquehartmann8642]

I LOVE THAT SONG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now it is playing in my head.

[@foyboy03]

The 2nd edition with all the punctuation was genius.

[@paultheaudaciousbradford6772]

Pepper and salt as they please.

[@oldman0995]

This dudes luck is phenomenal. He is a legend His book is proof. I would love to have had a beer with him.

[@TheQuickSilver101]

Rarely do I actually laugh out loud at a video. I laughed so hard I nearly fell off my chair as Simon read an excerpt from the book. Thank you for making my day! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 😂😂😂😂

[@soaringdirt]

When I want to legend. I go full Lord Timmy Boy!

[@rickc2102]

The story so legendary, I had to watch it all over again.

[@phillipowen3149]

6:07 he got Charlie from It’s Always Sunny to ghost write for him lmao

[@bretthess6376]

Oh well said. Did you make Hornet Boxes for your least-faves for Christmas?

[@riffsthatkill2180]

I was born in and grew up in the Newburyport MA area. Dexter was a legend, but surprisingly not a lot of people today know of him.

[@ibrahimnyako5234]

This guy deserves a movie to be made about him starring Seth Rogen and James Franco.

[@kaybevang536]

Oh my god that be hilarious

[@LadybugPrinzess]

Truly hilarious guy. I would accuse you of making it up, but frankly it's too strange for fiction. What a man.

[@TurtleChad1]

A Turtle approved Timothy Dexter.

[@aaronburratwood.6957]

I bet Dexter probably approves A Turtle too.

[@dwaterson21]

Bro was the human example of "falling up," he had the perfect rags-to-riches speedrun.

[@kronos1794]

Further proof that wealth doesn't equate to intelligence. Dude still sounds like he'd be fun to drink with.

[@iron_side5674]

This man MUST be the cause of 2020, using up all the luck in the universe. There is just nothing left, we were just getting by after his death, and now we´ve run dry.

[@thefattymcgee5801]

We all saw Sam O'Nella cover Dexter first XD

[@Zetact_]

"They complained that the first printing had no punctuation so here have a full page of it use it however you want" That's a power move.

[@DominusNox106]

I said "What?" In tandem with simon about that book

[@EricDuncan]

Give Lord Dexter the Blaze treatment!

[@williamcrisp6032]

6:00, Am i having a stoke right now, because it feels like i am

[@karstenshields1694]

This would have been such a great Business Blaze video or you should make a series on Business Blaze where you just read it

[@ryanbabcock6348]

Just gonna be honest his wrightings sound like a text from one of your drunk buddies at about three am lol

[@whollymindless]

This man needs a movie.

[@courtneykneale1194]

Please do the real story of Pocahontas! And Catherine Medici

[@andrewnewsome4277]

I want to meet this rough approximation of a man.

[@Pipkiablo]

You left out the part where he convinced guests that his wife was dead and the woman they saw walking around the house was actually her ghost.

[@IntrepidFraidyCat]

What he lacks in grammar, he makes it up with the INSANE goodluck he had.

[@davudlastname2545]

Ah, this video reminds me of Sam o'nella

[@talkinturtle3939]

we all await his return

[@pakde8002]

Never heard of him

[@noahfriedman6357]

Hearing Simon read those words was like hearing someone having a stroke

[@dawnhandschy8111]

When you read that part of his book I died inside. Smh

[@vice.nor.virtue]

How I wish that English was spelled as simply as Dexter had imagined. That would solve a lot of problems for English learners!

[@aaronburratwood.6957]

FIRST? Damn, last time I came this early my wife made me sleep on the couch. 😜

[@ForestMadden]

absolute legend ^

[@EterPuralis]

Now there's a movie. Hey, have you made a video about Bellman?

[@aaronburratwood.6957]

He had quite a way with words. Not at all a good way but a way no matter.

[@DFX2KX]

When life maxes your luck stat and *nothing else*

[@fvckyoutubescensorshipandt2718]

6:05 good god, I spelled better than that when I was 4 and in preschool.

[@stephendeben1590]

i’m proud to be from the same town as this absolute fucking legend

[@IntrepidFraidyCat]

The wannabe influencer of his time.

[@fvckyoutubescensorshipandt2718]

3:45 Using a bedpan to ladle molasses. Well, at least it made the shit taste sweet.

[@Barkeraquaticss]

Dexter's book makes perfect sense to Biden...

[@insonh21]

Lord Timothy Dexter was born in Malden Ma, (where i live and grew up), there's a nursing home here called "The Dexter house and one of the streets is called "Dexter St" (lots of old Victorians worth big bucks) he died in Newbeuryport Ma and i drive by his house to get to my Doctor's office (again the house is in a very exclusive part of town, lots of old homes from the 1700's worth big bucks) the guy might have been crazy but he sure knew the value of real estate

[@peter-radiantpipes2800]

Is this a Trump ancestor??? It’s uncanny.

[@DuelScreen]

No

[@peter-radiantpipes2800]

@@DuelScreen it’s ok man. sarcasm is for the witty.

[@jewell92]

Fascinating! Nearly incomprehensible.

[@marcuslaffey1637]

To think that the business decisions he made were ridiculous, but somehow proved successful is baffling.

[@BossinAZ_EnT]

All hail the true King of RnG 🗣🙌🏽