God said to Noah, "I am so angry at men." "You mean men and women?" "...Whatever." Gold XD
@niviamaeva4 жыл бұрын
Lol lol lol lol
@marconatrix4 жыл бұрын
In biblical language as one authority charmingly put it, "The male embraces the female" ;-)
@paulhodgkinson70003 жыл бұрын
And ‘they, them’
@Hannah-pk6iq3 жыл бұрын
stop repeating his lines you knob head
@ehhhhh5963 жыл бұрын
@@Hannah-pk6iq yeah reply to a 7 years old comment, dumbfuck
@blakejohnson22063 жыл бұрын
Noah's electricity bill for the air-conditioning in the penguins enclosure must have been through the roof!
@Johanyohann3 жыл бұрын
Nah man, god has his electricity bill covered
@miloski4523 жыл бұрын
God prob cooling them himself
@katyungodly3 жыл бұрын
Imagine all the food and shit they had to move lol Not to mention all the trees and plants 🤔
@miloski4523 жыл бұрын
@@katyungodly god just did the jesus move of making piss into wine ofc
@pixeled96833 жыл бұрын
he supposedly had the power of god which means he wouldn't need that
@yaboi58934 жыл бұрын
I'm sitting here at 2 am listening to Ricky gervais read a children's book
@dulcietorrans3 жыл бұрын
same
@CGEWNope3 жыл бұрын
Im fucking drunk sneaking away from a Party to watch this xD
@seancassidy51023 жыл бұрын
Same
@sinkandrelax3 жыл бұрын
Same
@MrWick-oe5ij3 жыл бұрын
3:26 for me
@HoratioCanus9 жыл бұрын
It most have been embarresing for Noah when he realised that he had brought two male lions with him.
@olliephelan5 жыл бұрын
It mustve been embarrassing for Adam and eve when they discovered thered have to be some serious incest to continue the human race
@shayantehrany82955 жыл бұрын
That must’ve been the first act of homosexuality in history
@olliephelan5 жыл бұрын
@@shayantehrany8295 Well, probably that too. But Adam and Eve only had sons. So Able mustve gotten it on with his Mother. And I hope to Allah she had a girl. Even then, the farthest removed from incest they could go ,is ; Grandfather Adam with his grandaughter. (who's also his wifes daughter , conceived by his son). Originally , there was another female called Lillith. She had WINGS (and possibly a strap-on and a whip) Shes in the earliest versions and in the Epic of Gilgamesh. She got booted out of Eden because ?.....SHE WANTED TO BE ON TOP !!....the dirty free thinking , empowered , hussie liberal feminist.!!!! WOMEN ON TOP ?!!! Holy Yahweh ..... best go with rampant incest , eh ? And to think that genital mutilation of infants didnt start till Abraham ....so they considered that to be progress !!!!!??? ps ; just think of that when ye wonder about Trump. Hes a throwback in evolution of Biblical proportions.
@dantaylor73445 жыл бұрын
Hey fly that rainbow baby!
@indym85235 жыл бұрын
Horatio Caius it must’ve been embarrassing when you realised that you spelled embarrassing wrong
@tahmid18473 жыл бұрын
"I can't forget, I am a f***ing elephant" is such a brilliant joke, loved the buildup
@baddog59364 жыл бұрын
And Noah said " If it keeps on raining like this, we're gonna have to eat the Unicorns!"
@Lord_Skeptic3 жыл бұрын
Mock the week
@ashishranjan92753 жыл бұрын
Making it 100 likes...
@ross-carlson2 жыл бұрын
@@Lord_Skeptic Not the weak, just the ignorant who believe childhood fairy tales are actually real in some way - that SHOULD BE MOCKED.
@Lord_Skeptic2 жыл бұрын
Mock the week is a TV program. That is where the quote that the original post comment comes from.
@zachnacino40842 жыл бұрын
@@ross-carlson lmao got a bit too carried away bud
@agetube8311 жыл бұрын
LOLL "Straight to the annihilation of the entire human race, because of fatty yellow trousers picks someone's nose!"
@kryse48063 жыл бұрын
oh really adolf? REALLY?
@arvideriksson5 жыл бұрын
"the first thing noah did was build an altar and make a sacrifice" so, what species did he just make extinct?
@ragnarokda2065 жыл бұрын
Unicorns. Obviously.
@Travisbig75 жыл бұрын
@@ragnarokda206 that bloody bastard
@BipoIarbear5 жыл бұрын
The South African waffling bee
@toohotohandle5 жыл бұрын
@@Travisbig7 Voldemort must have been inspired by that
@frankwilson7265 жыл бұрын
None, a yew was pregnant before the flood. The sacrifice was the baby lamb, pure and without sin. At least that's what I would say if I was stupid enough to believe such bull sh*t.
@UnderTheTableGremlin3 жыл бұрын
“Seeing god 💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼” that gets me every time
@LungaMasilela Жыл бұрын
Honestly speaking this statement really really gets me.
@dnw0099 жыл бұрын
He forgot to mention the amount of incest that would be implied if 2 of every spieces were to mate to create the amount of animals we have today.
@ahlammallak88538 жыл бұрын
+dnw009 that's smart I didn't think about that! and the sea creatures too lol
@TheAnarchySniper7 жыл бұрын
Also the fact that if there is only 2 of each species and "the first thing he did" was fucking sacrifice one of the animals, he instantly causes that species to go extinct
@Fluffylumpkin1235 жыл бұрын
John Wright Can I be your disciple?
@adamcatlinmusic43215 жыл бұрын
John Wright : by ‘uneducated’ I take it you mean un-paranoid religious fanatic?
@geggs135 жыл бұрын
@John Wright I will follow you everywhere.
@sidDkid8713 жыл бұрын
"Really? Straight to genocide?" - - - "What happened to one verbal and two written warnings?" - - - just the tip of the iceberg in the hilarious bit - - - I love it!
@panamajackson409713 жыл бұрын
"I can't forget it, I'm a fuckin' elephant!" Classic!
@inlieswetrust70997 жыл бұрын
Drowning every person on the planet! Children edition!
@wakeuprealityiscallingyou10707 жыл бұрын
Lets say youre a father of a world aka God right then you see 4 to 5 pure and good ones in a group of savage totally evil ones around those pure good ones you wouldnt destroy them for the sake of the good ones? Keep in mind you do have the power to revive the souls of the destroyed after judgment and do what you will with them spare them or rid them to punishment. See you didnt have that in your mind set before making that snarky comment...
@Yuri_RL6 жыл бұрын
Wake up Reality is calling you! I mean, to be fair, Its still genocide isnt it
@bigsmall2465 жыл бұрын
@@wakeuprealityiscallingyou1070 What did the animals do? If God wasn't a dick he would have spared the animals, who by the way don't get to go to heaven.
@Tracey..H5 жыл бұрын
Hahaha
@the_bottomfragger5 жыл бұрын
I really can't believe that so many kids and adults (myself as a kid included) just accepted that. Like "yeah there are some bad people, let's just kill almost every living being on this planet."
@barrysargent12133 жыл бұрын
Had this book at school, when being read to us and the pictures shown, I told the teacher that it would sink because of the door on the side. That required time out and a telephone call to my parents. Dad looked at what I saw and said, he's right Never got on with that cow!
@willy-johndejager68103 жыл бұрын
mad about your dad. sounds likemine
@bambino92353 жыл бұрын
That's so funny but also so fucked up at the same time
@barrysargent12133 жыл бұрын
@@bambino9235 To this day, neither me or my father were wrong! Even at six yrs old I could tell it wouldn't float, and there's nothing wrong with the truth!!!
@bambino92353 жыл бұрын
@@barrysargent1213 Literally, the fact that the teacher was allowed to call home (essentially a punishment) over it is fucked. The fact it's allowed to be taught in schools as if it's undeniable, evidenced fact is also fucked. I grew up going to CofE schools and we used to pray every day in assembly and sing religious songs, and when we left primary school in year 6 we got given a bible each, and this was mid 2000s so relatively recent. Mental Like it's funny that she expected your dad to be upset but he actually agreed with you, but the whole situation leading up to it is just fucked. No better word for it
@barrysargent12133 жыл бұрын
@@bambino9235 You are so correct. I'm sorry, I misunderstood your first comment. Literally the very same things happened to me! That bible that I received went in the bin as soon as I got home that night! Even at high school, the same. Another in the bin!!
@hagalazmultiverze3411 Жыл бұрын
"Rained for 40 days and 40 nights"... The bible calls that a flood... In Denmark, we call that summer!!!!
@seldom_bucket Жыл бұрын
In the uk we call that the driest summer since records began.
@kezsovreign9 ай бұрын
Lol brilliant 😂
@Fred-ck1ly2 жыл бұрын
"Fuck off, wicked" cracks me up every time 😄
@Jeagles3 жыл бұрын
“I showed this to Karl Pilkington” *deafening applause*
@tdsm993 жыл бұрын
Sad to see how its ended up
@JoeyKeeley3 жыл бұрын
@@tdsm99 whats happened?
@ozanzdemirr3 жыл бұрын
@@tdsm99 what
@Switch3rOrton3 жыл бұрын
@@tdsm99 huh
@lookupthereupinthetrees9860 Жыл бұрын
Used to be a Christian, and used to oversee the farming of 4000 pigs. Used to read the Bible over lunch everyday at the pig farm. While this was going on I noticed how when the 7 large electric fans at the ends of the pig sheds failed in a black out how quickly the pigs could become incapacitated, then unconscious and then mortalities would follow. Reading about Noah's ark... Looking after the sheds... Felt an acute panic/ cognitive dissonance when I realized that Noah's ark had one window, no forced electric ventilation, and instead of 1200 animals in a shed/boat, millions of animals. It's definitely a 'nope' from me. That's when I went right back to the beginning of the Bible and took a much more forensic examination. It's nice to get ones brain back from organised religion. 👍👍👍
@SamuelBlack8411 ай бұрын
Ironically, you saw the light 😂
@lookupthereupinthetrees986011 ай бұрын
@@SamuelBlack84 Yep; I guess I did. But I still listen to Christian music on Sundays, because there we're a few redeeming features in that ideaology. However Taoism, Stoicism, and Buddism have made my life incredible.
@SamuelBlack8411 ай бұрын
@@lookupthereupinthetrees9860 So has Satanism for me
@lookupthereupinthetrees986011 ай бұрын
@@SamuelBlack84 not merely being agreeable for the sake of being agreeable, but there are some pretty interesting ideas to be found in Satanism. Always remember that one about 'being hassled in open ground.' It really pays dividends to take no shit from no one, lest you forfeit your own sanity and eventually decency as a human being. Philosophical variety is the spice of life.
@baljodhsandhu57855 ай бұрын
ay whatever works for you right@@SamuelBlack84
@TheAndyroid4 жыл бұрын
I remember this book from Sunday school! I remember there were two girls that thought it was really true, so I got worried about them and told the teacher. The teacher said it really WAS true. That was the day that I realised that grown-ups could be full of shit.
@kenhollis61973 жыл бұрын
You must have been a genius child.
@TheAndyroid3 жыл бұрын
@@dogshiin But it wasn't. Not only would it be impossible but there isn't any evidence for it. There is however, evidence of smaller floods being talked about in entertaining/informative tales shortly before Judaism was invented. The stories were simply plagiarised and modified to suit an agenda.
@aw25843 жыл бұрын
Pre abrahamic religions had the same story, Old Testament just copied it. The same exact shit.
@Filip-pm7dg3 жыл бұрын
No one actually believes it. Its implied that those are just stories made so people could understand the religion because some people back then were the smartest in the world. Like the creation of Adam and Eve. Ofcourse Christian don’t belive that we came from two people. It just a story.
@TheAndyroid3 жыл бұрын
@@Filip-pm7dg I know plenty that believe it all, every word of it. Even the ~650 direct contradictions, it's all true, apparently. BTW, the story of the first man being made from the dust of the Earth and the first woman being made from a bone comes from ancient Assyrian mythology. Only in the original version, the first woman is made from a bone taken from a slain goddess rather than a bone taken from the first man. The Abrahamic Genesis version is tailored to promote sexism and has the power struggle between the many gods removed for obvious reasons.
@ivansh37435 жыл бұрын
I'm not a zoologist, but both lions have a mane... 08:54
@tomasstraka52444 жыл бұрын
how dare you assume their gender?
@jilliansmith71234 жыл бұрын
Tomas Straka: they were going to adopt when they reached dry land.
@jilliansmith71234 жыл бұрын
deekat3279: oh, no; that's unfortunate! Hope you get them out of both, and soon.
@joshme36593 жыл бұрын
Yea but technicly there have been cases of female lions with manes...
@shrishikesh22923 жыл бұрын
God is not gay but lions are
@Siile_5 жыл бұрын
There's a woman in the audience having the time of her life, hearing her laugh was almost as funny as RIcky's jokes
@sloth34405 жыл бұрын
@@josephfaherty5810 calm down its only comedy
@Gazzaroo4 жыл бұрын
Joseph Faherty gammon Brexiter
@SaraH-jn5db4 жыл бұрын
@@josephfaherty5810 why the fuck are you here then mate
@tuxnor4 жыл бұрын
@@josephfaherty5810 butthurt are you.. faith fade when reality kicks in..did he offended you joking about your fairy tales?
@nobody-tj1mv3 жыл бұрын
@@josephfaherty5810 You're*
@0407luke5 жыл бұрын
I’d listen to Ricky Gervais narrate a more humorous version of Planet Earth, tbh.
@ilovefreddie95745 жыл бұрын
I'd pay quite alot lol
@lucasconner32604 жыл бұрын
Look up Round Planet on Netflix... It's kind of like that
@MrSifaperdire4 жыл бұрын
This is one of his masterpieces
@dejayrezme86175 жыл бұрын
Haha "Who are you calling big nose" is a callback to life of brian :D Just brilliant.
@silverysnowfox4 жыл бұрын
Dejay Rezme thanks I was trying to recall why that sounded familiar
@pinklotus39894 жыл бұрын
watching rickys face light up when he makes this bit is everything, you can tell he enjoys it so much
@wetwilIy5 жыл бұрын
I died when Ricky went "IM A FUCKING CRAB IVE NEVER BEEN ON A MOUNTAIN THIS IS AMAZING!!"
@tjwash51185 жыл бұрын
So, Noah crammed a bunch of carnivores on a cruise ship with tasty herbivores for 150 days and all the herbivores got off the boat when it docked?
@TheCatBilbo5 жыл бұрын
Yes, because the magic man in the sky made it so... ;-)
@tjwash51185 жыл бұрын
marty jackson what does this even mean? It in no way addresses...anything? And before calling people dumb please be sure you know how to your, you’re and yore, or you look like..exactly what you are. Or you’re? No, you are.
@tjwash51185 жыл бұрын
dylan thoms I cant tell if you’re serious or just goofing on me
@tjwash51185 жыл бұрын
dylan thoms thanks for answering, I just wasn’t sure. Made me go to Wikipedia to familiarize myself with the story
@cyanidecapsule62755 жыл бұрын
@marty jackson Fix your grammar before you start calling people dumb you fucking spastic.
@Grandflea028 ай бұрын
"Oh forget it" "I can't forget it, i'm a fuckin elephant" Absolute gold 😂
@lukedaniels77504 жыл бұрын
I like Eddie Izzard's observation, that Noah would have had a problem explaining to ducks that they needed to get into the ark in order to survive. Telling ducks that there is about to be a huge flood and they need to get into a boat to avoid it is great.
@TheKyrix822 жыл бұрын
He was right about all the evil ducks...they are very rapey birds
@Steve-gc5nt Жыл бұрын
Yea he's a funny lady.
@progyandas96503 жыл бұрын
Not a Christian.... but growing up in an Anglo Indian school we were taught both the testaments . Listening to this at 5am in the morning and this satire is so relevant.
@amypieterse41272 жыл бұрын
I always laugh when I see 2 male lions depicted in The Noah's Flood Story. I always wonder if the illustrators do it on purpose or they just don't know.
@kellidinit3725 Жыл бұрын
I got in trouble in Sunday school as a kid for pointing that out. 😂😂😂
@hstg9812 жыл бұрын
I literally could not love this more. Brilliant! I adore Ricky Gervais!!
@csabih69723 жыл бұрын
I am surprised nobody expressed his desire to see Ricky's review of the other books from this series. It would be hillarious.
@seldom_bucket Жыл бұрын
I really hope you've seen james acasters take on pinnochio.
@andrewjacobs32193 ай бұрын
Does he do anything on islam . I would really want to see him do that .
@0407luke5 жыл бұрын
3:28 Ricky would’ve survived that bar in Inglorious Basterds.
@Pranav-rp8wi4 жыл бұрын
3 fressh gleiza
@deirochimaru254 жыл бұрын
Underrated Comment
@victor_productions3 жыл бұрын
That's clever😂
@friedteabags65703 жыл бұрын
Yoooo
@thepoisonkid24833 жыл бұрын
Just found your comment. Brilliant!
@jenniferpais63853 жыл бұрын
This was the best Sunday school session ever 😁😅
@mortemoccasus24123 жыл бұрын
We all need a Ricky Gervais as our homeroom teacher. Who's with me?
@thanosnous37493 жыл бұрын
"The first thing Noah did was to build an altar and he offered a sacrifice to god"... Sacrificed what??? He a male and a female from each species. If he sacrificed one then that species would go extinct. Did he sacrifice a dinosaur ?
@UVjoint3 жыл бұрын
Nah, dinosaurs got screwed in the beta test, when God used a different force to show his rage.
@bmxscape3 жыл бұрын
@@UVjoint why wouldnt he refresh the map after beta testing he left so much shit laying around
@JoolsTwo2 жыл бұрын
Unicorn obviously
@kapjoteh5 жыл бұрын
I was waiting for a joke about two male lions at 10:50
@jilliansmith71234 жыл бұрын
Yes, they're gay. They were planning to adopt. Thanks, god, fucked that up! All lion fetuses DROWNED. No more lion adoptions.
@TNT-km2eg Жыл бұрын
Just an inside joke
@Kiyarose3999 Жыл бұрын
Gervais seems to just get better every time, this was excellent.
@KarstensCreationsKC4 жыл бұрын
I always have to re-watch this when I come across it again just for the bit about the two birds standing in the line and the one bird asking the other one if he wants to wing it since they can fly... That huge pause... "....Naaah."
@pattersonpi30275 жыл бұрын
'it is rhe book of noah, it is the children's edition ' is there an other one ?
@Zerenko5 жыл бұрын
I expected to hear "children's edition... bit redundant-" lmao
@portaccio5 жыл бұрын
Yep that's the joke.
@ilovepudding78734 жыл бұрын
the delusional idiot edition.
@EmpireFanatic4 жыл бұрын
@dylan thoms What a muppet...
@92brunod4 жыл бұрын
@dylan t you're right, it's impossible to read to most christians, it's designed that way so your religious authority can TELL YOU what it says...that's why they believe it. Most christians never read the bible
@fritzfromm5601 Жыл бұрын
This is my favourite stand up clip ever
@everwhat0135 жыл бұрын
I was showing this clip to my eleven yr old son and when Ricky asked "What did the squid do" @4:42, my son had the perfect answer. He said "I know what the squid did. He went up to the shark and tweaked his nose. WIcked". I've never been so proud, lol
@VeeSeven700 Жыл бұрын
His face after pointing out the hooped earrings is so perfect in timing and expression. Just points, let's the audience go with it and then looks on with pride.
@sidDkid879 жыл бұрын
What's the squid ever done?!?
@sidDkid879 жыл бұрын
***** ???
@elizabethbarten76729 жыл бұрын
Looks like I'm not going to get to download much tonight, but I know your posts are always a plus!: )
@sidDkid879 жыл бұрын
***** : )`
@OP-10005 жыл бұрын
The squid will be fine. It is a sea animal...
@eddiebrown87155 жыл бұрын
Not a lot... do we need em?
@liger-99905 жыл бұрын
I can’t forget it I’m a bloody elephant!
@HarrisonMeek5 жыл бұрын
God to Noah: Protect two of every animal for 2 months to ensure they survive to re-populate the earth and carry on their species for years to come Noah: *sacrifices one on the alter for the shits and gigs literally minutes after touching land* God: Am I a joke to you
@sinahelmi66964 жыл бұрын
And what about thousands of species with less than two months lifetime?
@tramquangpho4 жыл бұрын
Sina Helmi surprised nobody question about this shit
@tuxnor4 жыл бұрын
@@sinahelmi6696 Good point..
@taracarroll42184 жыл бұрын
Guessing it was the dodo.
@AK-xi5vy2 жыл бұрын
@@sinahelmi6696 Tbf, nobody denied they reproduced while on the boat thing
@Exiledk Жыл бұрын
"The first thing he did was to make a sacrifice..." Which animal species did he condemn to extinction? I bet it was unicorns...
@robitusin46455 жыл бұрын
13:29 Gay lions
@asbendewar42595 жыл бұрын
But gods not ga... wait shit I don't know about this one chief
@Halfdanr_H4 жыл бұрын
Are those 2 gay lions in a gay pride?
@jilliansmith71234 жыл бұрын
And there is gay pride in gay lions, it works both ways!
@BeanMachine3604 жыл бұрын
I DONT LIKE THEM PUTTING CHEMICALS IN THE WATER THAT TURN THE FRICKING LIONS GAY
@archevis24974 жыл бұрын
Satan never drowned anyone just saying
@Wemdiculous4 жыл бұрын
Archevis well yeah, but neither did God.
@harveykraus57674 жыл бұрын
Wemdiculous Are you sure about that
@Wemdiculous4 жыл бұрын
@@harveykraus5767 He'd have to exist first
@spice37674 жыл бұрын
I think in the bible satan killed 2 and god over 2000, whos the bad one :)
@jilliansmith71234 жыл бұрын
Marcus Cunnington: in the bible, god either directly kills or orders killed something like 2.3 MILLION people. Depending on how many were alive on earth during his putative flood. The bible: Snuff fiction.
@stefanthorpenberg8877 ай бұрын
Those who wrote the bible were goat herders in the deserts of the middle east in the end of the bronze age. They had no idea of what the best thinkers of the time knew. Demokritos said a little later that everything was built up by atoms, that the stars were distant suns and that universe was endless. The goat hearders had never heard about that, and never up-dated their bible. Now the goatherders live in small towns.
@gspendlove4 жыл бұрын
So, I thought I'd hate the movie _Noah,_ with Russell Crowe. I didn't. I enjoyed it because it treats the Ark story exactly like what it is: mythology.
@VivekAnandJ4 жыл бұрын
The " I'm not a ducking mongoose!" dialogue! Epic reference to Rudyard Kipling! So proud of myself for catching it 😁
@VeryAmazingGrace4 жыл бұрын
I caught it too and it's the greatest sense of achievement I've felt since I left the house that one time last year
@mightguy9112 жыл бұрын
Yeah the mongoose rikki-tikki-tavi
@zpardus2 жыл бұрын
This is why, if you take all the editorializing out of the bible and just read what happened, any reasonable person would conclude that the god it mentions is a depraved sadistic psychopath.
@raymondhartmeijer9300 Жыл бұрын
aw it doesn't matter, the whole Genesis thing never even happened. It's just old rehashed stories from Mesapotamia and Assyria that ended up with the Hebrew people at one point, that's why it's in there.
@fordmustang3265 Жыл бұрын
You need Jesus
@TNT-km2eg Жыл бұрын
Depraved sadistic psychopath . That's bit harsh . Constipated jerk , maybe ? However , in comparison to other " gods " before and after him ( some arrived 900 years after him) , he is just a softy , frustrated old geezer with nothing to do
@piersmorgan32974 жыл бұрын
His stand up is like a TED talk lol
@bobisjustlost5 жыл бұрын
the toucans bit was hilarious. the part after it w/ the elephant is genius.
@bleh29595 жыл бұрын
Am I absolutely insane for laughing like hell at 8:45 and so on😂😂
@RaptorJesus.4 жыл бұрын
i've watched this so many times XD it baffles me that in the 21st century people are still believing mythology 😂
@JoeyKO7573 жыл бұрын
Prove it's a myth
@captaincoffeecake35953 жыл бұрын
Joey K O usually the burden of proof is on having to Prove it IS real
@JoeyKO7573 жыл бұрын
@@captaincoffeecake3595 the evidence is their you just don't want to see it.
@captaincoffeecake35953 жыл бұрын
Joey K O lol ok , fuckin crazy religious people .
@jamesbaker48063 жыл бұрын
Joey K O The rules of grammar are available as well. YOU, obviously, don’t want to see THEM.
@jakemundy57265 жыл бұрын
Love how Noah made a sacrifice. I wonder which species lost out as a result
@goingextinct55764 жыл бұрын
GHOST unicorn
@mr.sandman36193 жыл бұрын
"I can't forget it I'm a fucking elephant!"
@techtitanuk56095 жыл бұрын
Scary thing people actually believe this happened
@sociallyresponsiblexenomor76084 жыл бұрын
If that is all they believed, it would be totally fine. The problem is people are like "You don't believe this ludicrous thing I believe? What kind of child of mine are you, get out, go live on the streets" and "You don't believe this happened? I am going to attack and kill and ruin everything you love and believe in until you agree my impossible fairy tale is real". It's terrifying, you're right.
@joecoolioness63994 жыл бұрын
@@sociallyresponsiblexenomor7608 exactly. Why don't they listen to their own messiah and keep that shit to themselves? Even jesus himself said not to be like the hypocrites and to pray in the closet. Probably didn't hear about that from the pulpit eh?
@laurentiumarin91654 жыл бұрын
@@sociallyresponsiblexenomor7608 the problem is that this global flood mith apeared everywhere on Earth and according to geologists it took place somewhere between 10.000 to 12.500 years ago. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_flood_myths
@Aluben04 жыл бұрын
@@laurentiumarin9165 its on wikipedia so it must be true
@laurentiumarin91654 жыл бұрын
@@Aluben0 And Ricky is a religon expert who majored in what..??? tps://www.mythoreligio.com/15-flood-myths-similar-to-the-story-of-noah-2/
@Irishmule1693 жыл бұрын
This bit is pure genius!!
@s.s.a87414 жыл бұрын
The flood Noah's arc story is based on is the random flooding of Tigris and Euphrates rivers in Mesopotamia. When civilisation in Mesopotamia was forming, a large one being the one in Uruk (what Iraq is named after) we can see the first instances of writing in a script called 'cuneiform', the very first story 'The Epic of Gilgamesh' was written in this script. In the epic, there is a man and his family who survive a massive flood caused by four gods (they got angry because of all the noise humans were making). They survive because one of the gods tells the man the god's plan and instructs him to build an arc to survive. The reason why the flood appears at all in the epic is because it's inspired by the Tigris and Euphrates (unlike the Nile and Indus river) irregular flood patterns. Mesopotamians can neither prepare nor escape the flooding. I feel like I shouldn't have to explain that 'The Epic of Gilgamesh' is just a myth, if you think Noah's story sounds ridiculous, it's because it never happened. BTW we know for sure Noah's story is ripped from the epic because the dialogue hasn't been changed, just translated from cuneiform to Latin.
@commente2 жыл бұрын
you could have given a spoiler warning
@AdmiralBonetoPick Жыл бұрын
Most ancient religions have a flood myth, from Greek mythology to Japanese Shintoism. More likely it's a memory of the absolutely massive flooding worldwide when the last Ice Age ended some 11,000 years ago (bearing in mind humans developed primitive language, art and religions around 26,000 years ago).
@geraldinetoughey9622 Жыл бұрын
There are traditional stories of a big flood in many cultures. They don,'t "rip it" from each other! There probably was a great flood and each culture had their own story about it. Get educated and do real research if you want to be taken seriously.
@bekkbekks7546 Жыл бұрын
Oh shut up
@paulhaynes3688 Жыл бұрын
At this time polar bears where not discovered what a joke story
@KristianVirtanen Жыл бұрын
I really love this guy. He and Simo propably my favorites
@scubagrant6045 Жыл бұрын
Pure comic genius.
@marthasalter4053 жыл бұрын
I just realized - so Noah gets off the ark and promptly killed one of the pairs of some animal in order to make a sacrifice. WTH??
@harshitdalal86702 жыл бұрын
And why the sacrifice was needed? didn't god took the sacrifice of whole planet ,by flooding it.😂
@xavierwalker71353 жыл бұрын
The raven and the dove reaction is priceless 🤣🤣
@JargonMadjin3 жыл бұрын
God: "I love you." Also God: *attempts genocide of planetary proportions and places you in eternal torture for the rest of time if you break one of his ten rules*
@JargonMadjin3 жыл бұрын
@Samuel Black I'd assume God is bipolar but if he's a god then he wouldn't have any disorders
@JargonMadjin3 жыл бұрын
@Samuel Black Yeah
@miloski4523 жыл бұрын
At least it didnt happen which is for the better for those millions of people. It just seems like some flood happened, and was exaggerated and made into a myth. A majority of the bibles tales are just metaphores for things.
@Binichmoses2 Жыл бұрын
God still sounds like the most Toxic male rolemodel anyone could have.
@sankalp25205 ай бұрын
God seems f*cking moron
@MadPotty014 жыл бұрын
So the first thing Noah did was make an offering (blood sacrifice) using one of the poor creatures that had been safe on the ark with him? So instantly that species became extinct.
@yourdad91684 жыл бұрын
It was the unicorn
@jilliansmith71234 жыл бұрын
Remember, god told Noah to bring two of each kind...and also two of each unclean kind and seven pairs of each clean kind. So he must've used a clean animal. Though perhaps after a year or more on that ark, there wasn't one millimeter of anything in there that was "clean" at all. Imagine the heaps of SHIT!
@jilliansmith71234 жыл бұрын
Zahin Vishnu: I wish that I'd been told "real" stories when I was a kid, and not filled my head up with things that aren't true. But then I couldn't have come here and had interesting KZbin chats with so many interesting people, like yourself.
@jilliansmith71234 жыл бұрын
Zahin Vishnu: Yes. We do have more serious issues to worry about--and I bet a lot of us do worry about them. Sadly, we can't do much about them. We only get to vote every couple of years and probably aren't going to mount an armed resistance in between. Meanwhile, we can vent a little by arguing about kiddy tales. Keeps our minds going a little, maybe.
@davemandel24 жыл бұрын
Nope, he sacrificed the male and the female was already pregnant with a litter.
@Pranav-rp8wi4 жыл бұрын
40 days to flood the entire lithosphere and go back?? *Geological timescale has left the chat*
@niviamaeva4 жыл бұрын
Lol lol 😂 😂
@taracarroll42184 жыл бұрын
"It rained for forty days and forty nights, and they call it a disaster? In Ireland, that's the feckin' summer!" - Agnes Brown.
@robertbutler24818 ай бұрын
An amazing comedian
@Ahmed-bk1gc3 жыл бұрын
I'm religious, but I think this is hilarious.
@bananaeclipse3324 Жыл бұрын
I mean you gotta admit that a majority of the Bible is bs. Judaism is such an interesting religion because it promotes science in a way. A LARGE amount of Nobel prize winners are Jewish! Real reason for that is that the Torah is more so a book of laws/rules. An allegory really. The Torah shouldn’t be taken at face value because that isn’t the point, the point is in each story, the reason one should act. (There also is the history bit which is mainly true, which is just dictators using Jews as a scapegoat and trying to kill them all). I’m proud to be Jewish, but I’m also atheist. Judaism isn’t just a religion, it’s an ethnicity and a culture. Judaism promotes deep thought and debate on how to interpret it. I feel like the Bible almost perverts the Torah and turns it into something it’s not, almost cult like rather than a way of thinking. I remember hearing this thing that goes something like this (very paraphrased and probably quoted a bit wrong though), “there were 2 rabbis having a debate about the torah, they get another rabbi to come in and be a tie breaker, but that rabbi had a different opinion. One of the rabbis trying to prove his point, prays for god for it to rain, and it does. The rabbi then says to the others ‘see god agrees with me’. The other rabbis say it’s a coincidence. So the rabbi prays again and asks god to send a better sign to prove his point. So god shouts down to the other rabbis ‘that rabbi is right!’ The rabbis then start arguing with god and saying that he’s wrong.”
@KLmoxie10 ай бұрын
@@bananaeclipse3324 I agree, the Bible makes people cult like and would explain the many cults that have been born in the name of the God of the Bible
@sankalp25205 ай бұрын
I would suggest you to stop being religious if you want to preserve your sanity and brain cells. Otherwise, it will degrade your brain so much, you will lose common sense and rational thinking ability. Just an advice. Take it out leave it. Your wish.
@lengskeng10723 жыл бұрын
Kinda off topic, but I love seeing the British and US flag flying together 🇬🇧🤝🇺🇸
@johnsacromoni67753 жыл бұрын
yankee with no brim
@Ruby-wp8tn3 жыл бұрын
11:57 I ALWAYS LOSE EVERYTHING RIGHT HERE 🦀 I'm on a fucking mountain 🦀
@MederNet13 жыл бұрын
This is great!
@nostep39665 жыл бұрын
Gervais can make anything funny
@jonnyblade462 жыл бұрын
Don't forget: until now, you couldn't mock religion without being imprisoned, tortured or killed. That has been normal for 99.99% of our history... Be happy and keep on mocking 🙂
@donttryitjohn3642 жыл бұрын
Yeah mock islam and see how that plays out. Maybe the west isn't as fanatical as it used to be but don't extend that to all religions.
@remotaco2 жыл бұрын
in my country, people who mocks religion can still be imprisoned, tortured and even killed.
@jonnyblade462 жыл бұрын
@@remotaco That's so sad to hear.
@AdmiralBonetoPick Жыл бұрын
You still can't mock some religions.
@jonnyblade46 Жыл бұрын
@@AdmiralBonetoPick True, true..
@VS2575 жыл бұрын
I want ricky to read me a bed time story from now on
@jameshickey12944 жыл бұрын
Go on good ol reading boy! Spot on ricky
@vasili4x5 жыл бұрын
I can't stop laughing!!! This is so funny!!!
@philtreman99445 жыл бұрын
The 2 lions were glancing across at the 2 deer and one said to the other "what do you fancy to eat when we get off the ark" - lol.
@dannyv56614 жыл бұрын
The writers of the bible were up against deadlines. Hence...they had to make it up quickly. It obviously didn't have to be good or make any sense.......at all........ever.
@stringtheoryguitars4952 Жыл бұрын
Written over 1,600 years by 40 different authors. Not exactly "up against a deadline" but you quickly made that up so, understandable.
@Waltham1892 Жыл бұрын
I once asked how much two of every species of spider would weight. I was told, 500 lbs. That is just fucking creepy. I would have lasted about 1 minute on the Ark with 500 lbs of spiders slinking about.
@herrskittler5 жыл бұрын
omfg i have a new love for this man
@BipoIarbear5 жыл бұрын
Watch his bit on “best leaflet in the world”
@BeanMachine3604 жыл бұрын
thats geiy
@youdontseeanoldmanhavinatw49042 жыл бұрын
Imagine actually thinking Noah was real
@benjamintrevino325 Жыл бұрын
The funny part is that immediately after God's big "do over" the survivors started sinning again. You'd think God would be smarter about such things.
@filipdrucker49904 жыл бұрын
Very Original. I love it
@daryldooey86174 жыл бұрын
possibly the best comedy ever
@klaus13524 жыл бұрын
I'm disappointed in the lack of angry Christian's in the comments. I was expecting more
@fodge53954 жыл бұрын
Well that's because 1. There aren't as many Christians more. 2. There aren't that many Christians that are angry, crusading, marauding strict bible buffs.
@carriefawcett99904 жыл бұрын
I'm a christian and i am laughing my arse off. Some of us are still normal and have a sense of humour😂😂
@Ludifant4 жыл бұрын
This is old testament stuff, christians only believe in the sequel. They are like Star Wars fans..
@ericscaillet22324 жыл бұрын
@nordhorny perhaps your understanding as well -
@BeanMachine3604 жыл бұрын
@@carriefawcett9990 "normal" id say completely bloody insane
@specialized29er863 жыл бұрын
Imagine the stored food required for 40 plus days and nights and then after the water resides what did the creatures eat.
@jonathanburke8946 Жыл бұрын
150 days but that explains “specialized “ lmao
@AvoirJoseph2 жыл бұрын
I can watch him do that for much time
@getalife7947 Жыл бұрын
Adorable 🥰
@mcfcguvnors5 жыл бұрын
blue elephant lookin at the toucan - you are lunch
@christopherwilkins227411 жыл бұрын
I'm on a fucking mountain!
@PluralOfAlcesAlces5 жыл бұрын
Loved the Jungle Book reference at 1:19
@3mdick5 жыл бұрын
Jake Keighley you mean Rikki Tikki Tavi
@PluralOfAlcesAlces5 жыл бұрын
Ric D yeah that’s what Ricky was referencing, Rikki Tikki Tavi the mongoose.
@scouser2010ify3 жыл бұрын
I’d pay to see Ricky do all those books
@philipberthiaume23144 жыл бұрын
About 12,000 years ago, as the ice shields retreated in the face of warming weather in North America and as the last ice age was coming to an end, there was an accumulation of a massive amount of water, covering most of mid North America. The only thing holding this water back was an ice ridge in the east. But it too was melting and then one day, collapsed. The water that rushed into the Atlantic was enormous. What remained was what became known as the great lakes in Canada and the US. Meanwhile, the Mediterranean was mostly dry land, the ocean being held off at Gibraltar. Within time however, the water overwhelmed Gilbraltar, flooding the area and spawing flood stories through out all religions and civilizations from the Greeks (Atlantis?) to the sumerian epic Gilgamesh to great deluge stories in Scandanavia....
@geraldinetoughey9622 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for being truthful in your account here. Unlike some ignoramuses who just want to believe the Bible is fake for whatever reason.
@TNT-km2eg Жыл бұрын
What does bible SF and No -ah fable has to do with that ?!
@bigdaddy88849 жыл бұрын
"Aw fuck off Wicked!"
@TheHelado3611 жыл бұрын
Fanatic!
@aronb67462 жыл бұрын
I can't believe he never pointed out the fact that there are two male lions.